I Disagree with The School Principal over Bullying

Siasia on 28/04/2024 - 12:49
Last edited 28/04/2024 - 12:57 by 1 other user

This is about my friend's son, he is 10 years old, let's call him Henry. Henry was playing outside during school hour with the rest of his class and saw another kid fell from monkey bar and cried.

Henry said to the kid "Stop crying like a baby". Henry's mum got called to principal office because Henry's behaviour considered bullying. Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry.

She asked for my opinion and I agreed with her about the behaviour not considered bullying.

What's your opinion, if you are Henry's mum or dad, how do you handle the principal.

If you think Henry's behaviour considered bullying, why?

Thanks in advance for your input.

Education & Work

Comments

  • BuDWiZe on 28/04/2024 - 18:54
    -5

    maybe henry was just offering some cement so we don't end up with another (profanity) male adult who spends more time worrying about his feelings and is weak as piss

    • Jono05 on 29/04/2024 - 12:39
      +1

      What if it was a girl and Henry is just a misogynist?

      • Muzeeb on 29/04/2024 - 14:02
        +1

        Plot twist:

        Henry is actually Henrietta

    • Ryballs on 30/04/2024 - 09:17

      And this is what Henry will grow up to be like if this kind of behaviour is not addressed, a complete (profanity).

  • mrvaluepack on 28/04/2024 - 18:54
    +3

    I think your friend is not telling you the whole story or the school is watering down what happened to protect certain individuals.

  • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 18:55
    +7

    Let’s look at this from another perspective.

    Imagine if you are a parent whose child has fallen from a monkey bar and potentially injured himself. Then you find out another kid came over and instead of helping your kid told him to stop crying like a baby. How would you feel about this kid? Would you invite this kid for play dates? Would you talk to other parents about this kid? Would you avoid the other kid’s parents as much as possible?

    Frankly if I had kids and found out my child had said something like that I would be horrified. That the parent doesn’t feel like that says a lot about the parent.

  • Neptunesblood on 28/04/2024 - 18:58
    -1

    This whole conversation is pathetic. Helicopter parents and a stupid generation of marshmallows.

    • CurlCurl on 28/04/2024 - 19:15

      Hope you aren't a parent or intend to be.

    • smartazz104 on 28/04/2024 - 21:08
      +1

      And then these marshmallows grow up to be tradies who take a day off at the mere thought of rain…

  • congo on 28/04/2024 - 19:03
    +4

    Teach Henry to show more compassion.
    Falling from a monkey bar can be dangerous.

  • p1 ama on 28/04/2024 - 19:10
    +43

    I used to be a teacher, and one of the reasons why I left was because of how unreasonable some parents are and this small-minded belief that somehow their kid can do no wrong and that the entire world is out to get them.

    That being said, over my career as a teacher, I have always strived to be fair. When you deal with 20 - 30 kids on a day-to-day basis, and hundreds of kids over the course of your career, whilst you care about each student individually, it never registers to you to treat anyone differently because of the sheer number of kids you have to take care of. Anyway, that's the context for which I will add commentary.

    Henry said to the kid "Stop crying like a baby". Henry's mum got called to principal office because Henry's behaviour considered bullying.

    You may not consider this "bullying", but I hope that, just as a regular person, you can see that this is clearly not behaviour that would be acceptable. School exists to train kids to become adults, so the standard that I always applied when I was a teacher was whether we would accept this behaviour in adults. If not, then we should at least set the standard to kids that this is either not acceptable, or something they should look to stop doing.

    Just imagine that you were going for a walk, and you saw someone trip over and were in pain. Would you go up to them and say "stop crying like a baby"? If not, then you should hold your child to the same standard you hold yourself to. Alternatively, imagine if you tripped over and you were in pain, would you accept someone coming up to you and saying "stop crying like a baby"? If not, then you should hold your child to the same standard you hold others to.

    Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry. She asked for my opinion and I agreed with her about the behaviour not considered bullying.

    Sure, but whether it's strictly "bullying" or not is a side question. The main question is whether the behaviour is acceptable or not. I think there's a surprising lack of awareness from both of you. Rather than taking the school contacting you as some personal assault on your honour, why not, instead, take the opportunity to have a chat to Henry about what is and is not appropriate to say?

    What's your opinion, if you are Henry's mum or dad, how do you handle the principal.

    I don't understand why the principal needs to be "handled". He's informed you of what has happened at school, that's all. Are there any further demand from the principal that you feel like you need to handle?

    Again, whether you agree or not with the principal is a side question. I find it concerning that you're raising a child, and you're not able to "handle" people who you disagree with.

    If you really needed the tip, how about "thanks for letting us know, we'll have a chat with Henry and we'll get back to you if we have any further questions". That's all, I'm not sure what advice you are looking for here?

    If you think Henry's behaviour considered bullying, why?

    Again, whether it is "bullying" by the strict definition of the word or not is irrelevant. It was not an appropriate thing to say, and the age-old adage applies - "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all". It was not necessary for Henry to say what he did, he did not achieve anything saying it (other than to make fun of another student), and it is clearly not acceptable in society for people to say that to others.

    Also OP, could I just mention - in my professional experience, there are a lot of parents who (in fighting and disagreeing with the school) are implicitly enabling their kids to do really shitty things. In general, when a school calls out certain behaviours, it's not to attack your family honour and tear down your "golden child", it's a request to work with the school to fix these issues before they get more serious. The more time you spend taking offence and being defensive, the more serious bad behaviour becomes, and the more difficult it is to deal with in the long term.

    Lastly, even beyond empathy, teach your kid to stay out of trouble. Provoking others is not just unempathetic and rude, but one day your kid could get hurt. I've seen this myself. Called up the parent of a student who was consistently being mean to others. Went back and forth with the parents on whether this behaviour was acceptable. Behaviour continued. One day, a kid he was being mean to had enough and whacked him in the face. Obviously, this was not acceptable, and the other kid had his parents called in, and the entire matter escalated, but this is the sort of shenanigans this sort of behaviour leads to. Defending your kid at all costs just teaches them to not take responsibility for their own actions.

    EDIT: OP's got a history of saying whacky stuff (e.g. https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/824817), apparently "Just because the country is located in Asia does NOT MAKE THEM ASIAN"

    Anyway, I have a feeling my post is wasted now.

    • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 19:35
      +7

      Thank you for your post.

    • Miss B on 28/04/2024 - 20:03
      +5

      Even if OP is not ready to hear it, maybe someone out there is.

      I suspect this type of behaviour is consistent with what Henry sees and experiences at home. It could be coming from somewhere else, but based on this thread I don't think so. As you say, it is important to teach children to behave the way we would expect adults to behave, part of that is for adults to model that behaviour.

      I empathise with Henry, because he's learnt this behaviour somewhere, but it is important that he knows this is not the right way to treat people and also that he doesn't deserve to be treated this way by other people.

    • darkmattersunB6c0MV on 28/04/2024 - 22:00
      +5

      Loved your balanced post.

    • bobbified on 29/04/2024 - 10:23

      Just imagine that you were going for a walk, and you saw someone trip over and were in pain. Would you go up to them and say "stop crying like a baby"?

      I would say that it depends on who it was on the ground, but this meme says it all…

      https://images7.memedroid.com/images/UPLOADED668/5e0408f9cf2…

      (Or am I just abnormal? haha)

    • stickingly on 29/04/2024 - 11:00
      +3

      Fantastic post, you must have been a wonderful teacher

      This should be prescribed reading for all parents

  • Dollar General on 28/04/2024 - 19:18
    +6

    Sounds like Henry’s parents are crying like babies now

  • tik tok on 28/04/2024 - 19:35

    Do you think it would be bullying if Henry said "dont be a (profanity)"?

  • Nugs on 28/04/2024 - 19:55
    +5

    Plot twist, Henry pushed child from the monkey bars
    .

  • misterpotatomato on 28/04/2024 - 20:39
    +7

    I don't know how this is going to end up. But I do know that copy pasting "How do you handle it with the principle who call your son Henry a bully because of what he said" is going to become ozbargain copypasta for many years to come. Like "phone is fine ".

  • morse on 28/04/2024 - 21:02

    Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry.

    This is the correct answer.

  • elgrande on 28/04/2024 - 21:11
    +1

    Sounds like Henry's mum is a cry baby..

  • darkmattersunB6c0MV on 28/04/2024 - 21:40

    Plot twist. "Henry" is OP's son, and he said "Stop whining like a girl" /just saying

  • AustriaBargain on 28/04/2024 - 21:54
    -1

    Disagreeing with principal over something that doesn't really matter is a bad idea. Your principal has the means and opportunity to make your kid's life a misery and you don't' want to give him the motive.

  • darkmattersunB6c0MV on 28/04/2024 - 21:54

    To be honest, while it was rude, it is not bullying.
    And in some cultures, the statement made by Henry is perfectly fine, as showing emotions and crying is perceived as a sign of weakness.

    Note that I have predicated the above by saying it is true in some cultures. Crying is a natural and healthy response to emotional/ physical experiences.

    OPs friend's son Henry must adjust to the local culture accepted in schools, and as such, when saying something, things need to considered how they will be received. It will come with age, but needs to be taught during the formative years.
    While I don't consider it as bullying, but it is not empathetic behaviours or teamwork.

    • CalmLemons on 28/04/2024 - 22:14
      -3

      ^This is the first comment that is not-(mod:edited), I do not understand the entire first page of comments in this thread.

      It is not bullying.

      However Henry should be lectured by the parents on appropriate ways to respond verbally to such situations and taught the empathy pathway - rather than no repurcussions. What Henry said was very normal for a school age child, we learn, and we correct the behaviour.

      The principal got involved because other parent complained or it involved a group of students, the prinicipal is just doing their job.

      • Some Human on 29/04/2024 - 11:12

        I would only consider it bullying if henry pushed the child off the playground.

        • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 11:15

          That would be more consistent with bullying behaviour, yes.

  • Bunnyburger on 28/04/2024 - 22:20
    +4

    Someone's going to make Henry cry someday and let's hope he remembers his own words

  • dan76n on 28/04/2024 - 22:23

    It’s not really bullying if it’s a one off.
    Also if the Principal told Henry’s mum he is a Bully then that’s an issue in itself. The Principal should be referring to Henry’s “behaviour” not Henry.

  • bigticket on 28/04/2024 - 22:33
    -3

    The school system is bringing up young boys as if they are little babies in a politically correct culture and of course they are going to cry like a baby at the slightest distress. Hopefully Henry has taught the other child that life is tough, to grow up and be a man.

  • Mysterious on 28/04/2024 - 22:42

    It would be impossible to understand the scenario that actually played out because there's no evidence. Who knows the way in which Henry said that, and what other words were exchanged.

    IMO - If that's all Henry said, then I reckon he just needs a caution about playing nicely with other students. I don't think what was said was too serious.

  • Eeples on 28/04/2024 - 23:18

    How many times did Henry say to the kid “ Stop crying like a baby”?

    How old is the other kid?

    Were there other kids around at the time who heard Henry say it? If so, what was their reactions? Were they giggling at Henry’s statement(s)?

    Did Henry encourage others to say it too?

    Was Henry laughing and smiling at other students when he said it?

    Was Henry saying it right into the injured kids face or from a distance?

    Was Henry wearing a shi! eating grin at the time?

    How long before a teacher arrived?

    Did a teacher speak to Henry at the time?

    Is the injured kid from another class?

    Did the injured kid’s mother make a complaint to the school?

    Does Henry have a history of such comments in general? In particular to this student?

    Was he singing ‘ Stop crying like a baby’ as a taunt over and over ?

    If the Principal has determined it’s bullying… what is her remedy?…. Restorative justice?

  • belongsinforums on 28/04/2024 - 23:50
    +5

    How do you handle it with the principle who call your son Henry a bully because of what he said?

  • FlyingMiffy on 28/04/2024 - 23:51
    +3

    Sounds like a kid lacking in empathy and wanting to be macho for whatever reason. If you want to work out if it was bullying, just ask what his intent was for saying that to another kid? Thats the answer. Oh and while you're at it, the kid probably behaves poorly because the parents are non "confrontational" - when was the last time they took little Henry aside and taught him to be a decent human being?

  • SpicyStew on 29/04/2024 - 05:38

    its not only henrys friend thats crying

  • biozet on 29/04/2024 - 07:11

    deal with it. plenty of of people including educational professionals will have opinions on how you parent. right or wrong.

  • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 07:41

    I don't think this is bullying. Bullying is targeted towards kids who are considered vulnerable by others. Kids who don't fight back or won't talk back. Kids who tolerate mistreatment.

    A 10 year old is about the time where you should probably not be crying over a minor fall or something like that. I think Henry was a bit disgusted by his school mate "making a big deal" over coming off the monkey bars. That was about it.

  • AngoraFish on 29/04/2024 - 07:59

    Sounds like you think that the principal is a bully. Maybe you should call the principal into the office to have a chat about it.

  • Kayrhcp on 29/04/2024 - 08:15
    +1

    For me, bullying is like harassment or stalking. There has to be a kind of repeated pattern for it to be considered. If these two kids have never interacted and he said ‘stop crying like a baby’, I wouldn’t consider it bullying. It’s rude, but not bullying.

    If they have a history where Henry gives this kid shit every day, then yeah I’d consider it part of a bullying pattern.

  • cuethebush on 29/04/2024 - 08:27
    +1

    In its isolation this seems like a “sticks and stones” playground banter thing that I’d hope most kids would sort out between themselves. I can see a teacher having a quiet word to Henry to try and educate him but involving the principal seems a step too far.

    However since the principal is involved this tells me there is more history to the story than the OP is letting on. I’d be keen for more info than a copy and paste response that’s been plastered all over this thread.

  • XiaoFaye on 29/04/2024 - 08:32

    Henry is mean, but not bullying I believe, Bullying is something that repeating.

  • curtturtle on 29/04/2024 - 08:41
    +2

    Bullying no. Bullying is a repeated action. No empathy, yes. Kid's going to have pretty crappy relationships in future with that attitude.

  • ForkSnorter on 29/04/2024 - 08:41
    +1

    Bullying isn't what you say, it's how you say it.

    Bullying is essentially teasing, but it is continuous, and can be contagious.

    E.g. if Henry is saying "you cried like a baby", and others copy him, and this continues for a while, this could have a massive impact on that child's self-esteem, and furthermore that child could become isolated and this could be ongoing for years.

    Bullying in some countries, like Japan, often leads to teenage suicide. It should be taken seriously.

    If you think Henry just said once "don't cry like a baby", and you think he meant it not in a bullying way, then that is your interpretation.

    I would be more inclined to take the principal's interpretation of it, as it is more likely he/she was closer to the action.

  • panos on 29/04/2024 - 08:45
    -2

    "Bullying is when people repeatedly and intentionally use words or actions against someone or a group of people to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing."

    I wonder what you would call the constant left wing teaching practices that are going on in schools by the education dept via left winging teachers then.

    More than one generation is being mind f%cd this way, might as well be in North Korea….

    You only have to look at what's going on at a demonstration near you………………there are plenty of them take your pick.

    • ForkSnorter on 29/04/2024 - 09:38
      +2

      Demonstrations (political rallies or protests) are one means of demonstrating the will of the people and gaining the attention of the government in a democracy.

      Perhaps you think the government can do no wrong, and there is nothing at all worth protesting. In that case, I wonder if your opinion changes when the government changes after an election.

      The entirety of human progress in improving society has been achieved by people expressing their opinion about things they think are wrong.

      In North Korea, you would likely be shot for protesting in public. So, I don't see how you connected this issue to North Korea.

    • cashews on 29/04/2024 - 16:14
      +2

      Yes Australia is the same as North Korea /s.

      Seriously dude take a break from the internet, you sound like you could use it.

  • jacross on 29/04/2024 - 08:46
    +2

    Without further information, the incident doesn't appear to meet the 'repeated or systemic' criteria that I think is inherent in bullying.

    But that seems like a language game to me. The kid was quite unkind. Disappointingly so. It seems like something the parent should address and has the capacity to do so.

    Again, without further information, I fear the wrong thing is being focused on.

  • CocaKoala on 29/04/2024 - 08:57
    +3

    If you thought this is fine behavior you'd have owned up to this "Henry" being your son. Why is it that every time unacceptable or shameful behavior is being discussed "a friend" magically comes around to ask about it?

    It's your son and you should teach him to behave better than this. Sure, it's not bullying because it's not repetitive (or it is, who knows the whole story?). But the good thing is that it came out this time so Henry needs to learn not to be needlessly hurtful, which is the job of his parents.

  • syousef on 29/04/2024 - 09:28
    +1

    Harassment and bullying use to refer to repeated behaviour but now can refer to a single incident. In any case who knows what the "OP's friend's son" has done before this incident.

    Take it as an opportunity to teach Henry about empathy and when to speak up vs when to be quiet. It doesn't sound like Henry was punished, just he and mother warned to knock it off.

  • cunningdrew on 29/04/2024 - 09:38
    +3

    If Henry is ten and he's fallen off the monkey bars and is hurt and crying…. then someone comes up and says 'stop crying like a baby' aggressively, which is the only way I can see that being delivered, then it's not bullying however it's certainly not being a good human being.

    If you're in car accident and you're injured and someone comes up with 'stop crying like a baby' you'd be less than impressed.

  • Domingo on 29/04/2024 - 10:23
    +6

    "My mother always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

    When I was a kid, this was a pretty common phrase. Seems like Henry may benefit from hearing it.

  • GrimCheaper on 29/04/2024 - 10:47
    +5

    What would prompt a young child to have such an un-empathetic response? Sounds a bit cold to me. It’s not bullying, but it is a strange reaction to have for a kid. He must have learnt it from somewhere. Maybe back at home?

    • Some Human on 29/04/2024 - 11:22
      -2

      If I had to guess, I imagine Henry has had the same fall in the past and didn't think it hurt enough to cry. And / or he has a higher pain threshold than the fallen child and can't understand why the child was crying. Or the fall wasn't actually that bad and Henry percieved the crying as an overreaction.

      • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 11:37
        +7

        Or Henry's parents keep telling him that when he cries.

    • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 13:38
      -6

      What would prompt a young child to have such an un-empathetic response?

      Have you ever attended a school before?

      But seriously, at what age do we allow kids to cry over a bump on the knee or something like that? 16? 14? 12? After a while it starts to look a bit silly.

      I think Henry was expressing his surprise at his school mate's reaction.

      I remember giving my knee a good old whack against a treated pine sleeper in primary school. I don't think I cried but my god did it hurt. When I grabbed my knee and started complaining one of my buddies said "hey I thought you were tough?".

      • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 13:45
        +2

        Maybe showing empathy for everyone who has hurt themselves is a good idea. As I’ve said previously in my posts then if you aren’t being helpful the STFU.

        • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 13:55
          -2

          Like I said, piling sympathy on to people who should be grown ups is a terrible idea. I feel yet another anecdote coming on:

          I was in the scouts on a camping/hiking weekend. Long story short, we get lost out in the bush after midnight. It starts raining. I guess I must have been 13 or 14 at the time. One kid starts crying and he wants his mum and all that. Even the girls (who were with us at the time because we can't have just boys any more) were cringing and rolling their eyes.

          We need to be bringing up good strong kids that can deal with adversity. That is being helpful to them.

          • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 15:40
            +5

            @OBEY YOUR MASTERS: Dealing with adversity isn’t telling a hurt child not to cry like a baby. A real leader doesn’t roll their eyes, they talk the kid down and explain what they are doing next.

            Me, I’m a tad concerned a bunch of 13/14 year olds are out in the bush lost after midnight. Sounds like there was a failure if leadership all around here.

            • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 18:47
              -2

              @try2bhelpful:

              Me, I’m a tad concerned a bunch of 13/14 year olds are out in the bush lost after midnight. Sounds like there was a failure if leadership all around here.

              You couldn't be more wrong. I learned many invaluable lessons that night. By learning to use the compass and map properly we finally figured out that we weren't far off our target at all. It was the terrain and elements preventing us from connecting back to the road where we were supposed to be recovered by the others. Everyone learned to make a shelter and huddle together to stay warm. This is how you make boys into men. Even the kid who was afraid and emotional at the start was ok and enjoying himself by the end. What a life lesson for him. Imagine if he had of missed out on that.

              Literally the worst part was that I got completely saturated and had to wear bright blue gumboots for the rest of the weekend. Everyone in the entire camp gave me s**t about it lol.

              I worry about the kids who will never learn lessons like this. Imagine reaching adulthood and you have no wisdom or courage or tenacity to draw from. These are life lessons. Some of them are harsh but with the right guidance we become stronger and able to fend for ourselves.

              • Ughhh on 29/04/2024 - 20:06
                +5

                @OBEY YOUR MASTERS: And some people wonder why men has higher suicide rates than women, look up toxic masculinity. There's better ways of encouraging one to stand back up.

                • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 20:23
                  -1

                  @Ughhh: Ah yes, the spectre of "toxic masculinity" raises it's head once again. More like toxic society.

              • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 23:25
                +4

                @OBEY YOUR MASTERS: Yeah mate and if one of the kids had been seriously hurt somebody would be in deep trouble. What a load of boys own adventure twaddle.

                Frankly it reminds me of Ripping Yarns.
                “Jenkins got bitten by a snake so we had to shoot him. He was slowing us down. Made a man of the survivors though, what?”

                Frankly I stand by what I said. A bunch of kids lost after midnight in the bush means someone screwed up big time.

                • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 30/04/2024 - 06:25
                  -1

                  @try2bhelpful: So we should stop all boys from playing contact sports and camping and hiking? Lol. Someone could get hurt you know! A walk in the bush at night time is a dangerous thing. There's snakes and spiders and…. Wombats!

                  Oh and by the way you might learn something too. That's the most dangerous thing of all.

                  • try2bhelpful on 30/04/2024 - 07:36
                    +3

                    @OBEY YOUR MASTERS: Actually I’ve learnt a lot of things in life and to avoid stupid situations by forward planning is one of them. Not taking unnecessary risks with children is pretty much up there. In Australia spiders and snakes can kill people, particularly if they can’t get help in time. The kids involved could’ve learnt the same lessons without the risk.

                    All I can say is macho ain’t mucho.

                    • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 30/04/2024 - 15:54
                      -1

                      @try2bhelpful: No, nothing macho about it whatsoever. Just basic bush survival skills 101.

                      I tell you where I've seen the most snakes and spiders? Right in my back yard. Snakes, spiders, wasps and kangaroos. One time we had a huge male roo camped in our front yard right near the house for 3 days. I don't know why he chose that particular spot but he did. Did we go out and shake hands with him? No, we left him alone. I've been deep in the bush right through the night on more occasions than I can count and still absolutely fine.

                      It honestly sounds like you're afraid to go out of your own front door. In fact I'd hazard a guess and say that you have never worked with your hands, or worked outside, or ever had to produce something of value. I'll bet that you work in an air-conditioned building getting stuck right into workplace politics and being a general distraction to your workmates.

                      I'm truly sorry that you've never had a positive male role model. If you did you wouldn't be saying half of the stuff you do. You even tried to label Henry a psychopath. That's reprehensible. Henry could use a good talking to (so could the other kid) but that's just nuts.

  • fruxo on 29/04/2024 - 10:53
    +3

    At 10, he should definitely know better. At best he was being mean. At worst (pending on previous behavior) he is bullying.

    Either way it was inappropriate and a talk to the principal and the mother is entirely in order. I would want to know if my similarly aged son behaved like that.

  • maverickjohn on 29/04/2024 - 11:21

    In all honesty, it is borderline, definitely not something to be calling a parent over, the teacher should have just told hime there are nicer ways of responding… end of story. If this is a recurring behaviour, notify the parent but still its excessive to call the parents in if that is the extent of the interaction

    • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 11:37

      except the parent might go down in a rage and tell them they shouldn't say that to their child.

      • maverickjohn on 29/04/2024 - 11:41

        Sigh, a teacher can't teach good behaviour as well it seems.

        • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 11:45

          Sounds more like a parent is not teaching the kid good manners. I suspect it wasn't a teacher that taught him to make the cry baby comment. Maybe reread the OP's comments. particularly about handling the principal, and see where you think this came from.

          • maverickjohn on 29/04/2024 - 11:47

            @try2bhelpful: I completely agree, but it was more response to your earlier comment, that if a child makes a bullying/harsh comment, a teacher can't intereve because of the backlash a parent will give.

  • kaleidoscope on 29/04/2024 - 11:37
    +6

    It's called having or showing empathy and at the age of 10 it's mostly an observed behaviour mostly through parents or through siblings / peers. /thread

  • NatoTomato on 29/04/2024 - 12:14

    Gonna need an ms paint for this one

  • dojomojo on 29/04/2024 - 12:32
    +1

    To answer OP's question, I would thank the Principal for bringing it to my attention, then I would speak to my child to try and ensure that they understand why that behaviour is not right, and see if there was anything driving that behaviour.

    • Jono05 on 29/04/2024 - 12:41

      But the principal or principle is picking on Henry…why won’t someone think of Henry? He’s the victim here.

  • GuitarXXX on 29/04/2024 - 13:20
    +1

    Henry needs to be educated on this for sure. And if he is only 10 that's understandable and can be changed.

    But it's a big jump from your mere description to "bullying", unless there is something hidden - not you but Henry's parents.

  • quick-dry on 29/04/2024 - 13:35
    +4

    it isn't "nice" but it isn't bullying.

    IMO all it needed was teacher "Henry, that wasn't very nice, did you check if Crybaby_Name was ok?"

    Maybe Henry is a bit of a dick, maybe Henry is also right and Crybaby_Name was being a crybaby. Multiple things may be true.

    Calling parents and making a hullaballoo over it seems excessive given the kid didn't actually cause the injury, and I'm assuming there was no serious injury - if Henry is mocking a kid with a compound fracture then Henry is a future serial killer. At age 10 there is a bit of value in kids trying to have a little bit of resilience and coping skills.

    I find it a bit odd that we have a kid/parents being torn apart for not thinking that calling a kid a crybaby is awful bullying, when we also see people thinking it perfectly acceptable to say things like "waa waa poor white man's tears, did feelings got hurt, diddums".

  • node modules on 29/04/2024 - 14:15

    I'll go off on a slight tangent here - is there any credible scientific research that suggests negative reinforcement to be healthy?

    • CrowReally on 29/04/2024 - 14:28

      "healthy" seems to be a bit of a fuzzy word in that sentence (Is yelling at a child to make them take vitamins a healthy or unhealthy thing to do? Etc)

      • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 15:35

        Actually yelling at them to take vitamins would be unhealthy. You are providing a negative reinforcement. Finding a way to sneak them into food would be better, provided the kid actually needs them.

        • CrowReally on 29/04/2024 - 15:40

          Vitamin based health versus mental health, was my point. There isn't a single "health" stat that we make go up and down based on our actions.

          • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 15:46

            @CrowReally: It depends on the deficiencies with the vitamin and if the kids getting enough in their regular food.

            Yelling at a child means the person yelling has lost control of the ability to hold a reasonable argument. Frankly yelling at a child might have an immediate effect but over time they will probably just tune out the yelling. Yeah, yeah, whatever. So what do you go to next?

  • Nuclearvodka on 29/04/2024 - 14:39
    +3

    "Stop crying like a baby"

    Maybe someone could teach Henry empathy?

    Whether it's bullying or not, it's certainly kunty.

    If you've got nothing nice to say, then shut the F up

    • Ramrunner on 29/04/2024 - 16:14
      +1

      I do not agree it is bullying in the sense I was bullied at school (usually with fists or threats) but I WOULD actually like to know if my kid did something like this.

      I don't want to be called in to school or anything, but an email or quick chat with a "just FYI your boy did this today it may be worth a chat" would actually be appreciated by me.

      The earlier in age the better too. If my son behaves like this it means I've dropped the ball as a parent taking on the responsibility of bringing up my kids properly.

      So yeah in short don't agree this is bullying but I would like it if the parents knew their child behaved like that.

  • cenakhoa on 29/04/2024 - 15:00
    +2

    Might not bully for that instance only, but if this had a pattern, it's a bully case.
    Also the case is told from Henry's parent perpective.
    Did he just say it once and walk away? Or say it multiple times? Or smirking or laughing afterwards?
    Did he encourage other kids to do the same?

  • jaimex2 on 29/04/2024 - 15:51
    -7

    Henry's mum should accuse the principal of sexual misconduct. Thats how its done these days.

    • CrowReally on 29/04/2024 - 16:23
      +5

      A healthy take from a healthy mind

      • jaimex2 on 29/04/2024 - 21:04

        Pretty much

  • s1Lence on 29/04/2024 - 17:12
    +1

    hardcore henry
    or even worse…
    henry: portrait of a serial killer

  • dmac on 29/04/2024 - 19:04

    Working as a casual relief teacher maybe five years ago, one kid called another the n-word, so I sent them to the principals office to explain. The principal didn't come out but later said to me that I 'need to handle these situations in the classroom'. I can't imagine being called in for something so minor.
    If I was a parent, I would tell the school not to waste my time with something that should have been dealt with then and there.

    • CrowReally on 29/04/2024 - 22:37
      +1

      If I was a parent, I would tell the school not to waste my time with something that should have been dealt with then and there.

      And then pop onto the local parents Facebook group and give the school a blast for the shithouse job they're doing raising your kid

      • dmac on 03/05/2024 - 12:53
        -1

        Good on 'em. Schools raise kids as much as parents (~6h/day), so its a joint responsibility. If the school isn't doing their bit, it should be communicated.

        • CrowReally on 03/05/2024 - 14:14
          -1

          Let's follow that logic and see where it gets us:

          It's a joint and equal responsibility, but if the school observed something that the parents didn't, it would be "wasting the parents' time" to inform them of it?

          Shouldn't they, the parents, be equally informed, jointly responsible?

          If the parents aren't doing their bit to raise the kid with empathy, shouldn't that be communicated with them?

          • dmac on 05/05/2024 - 13:35
            -1

            @CrowReally: You make fair points about the importance of parents and schools partnering and communication is key. However, it's important to consider the severity and frequency of the behaviour, and the school's resources. Not every small issue warrants involving parents. The school needs to use discretion to avoid overburdening parents.

            • CrowReally on 05/05/2024 - 17:17
              -1

              @dmac: "Overburdening parents" with the duty of 1. knowing what their children are doing and 2. raising them, huh?

              These are bad takes. Please work harder to develop better ideas in future.

  • itstuan on 29/04/2024 - 19:44
    +4

    I see where Henry got his attitude from. No need to ask the group whether or not it's right or wrong. It's clearly wrong.
    It is not kind, nor helpful in anyway.
    A bad attitude to go in life. Though Henry might be young to understand this. But as a parent, Henry's mom should not be questioning the principal, but rather have a good words with young Henry.

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