R U OK OzBargainers?

R U OK?

R U OK? Day is an annual day in September (today, 10/9) dedicated to remind people to ask family, friends and colleagues the question, "R U OK?", in a meaningful way, because connecting regularly and meaningfully is one thing everyone can do to make a difference and even save lives.

We do this every year and have raised $19007 towards their cause. I don't think there has a been a more difficult year than 2020 in recent times. I'm sure I am not alone in having numerous conversations over the past few months checking on the well-being of others (and on myself) in a meaningful way.


Hot Tip: Medicare provides free (or subsidised) sessions with a psychologist after a referral from a GP. It's free/cheap so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Most mental health issues are very much treatable with professional help. Trouble is that most of us are too scared, embarrassed, or lack self awareness to seek professional help. If you have a broken foot, most people will have no hesitation in seeking a doctor because we know it can be fixed but for mental health issues (which can be just as well treated) we quietly carry on even though the pain and harm may be 1000 times worse. (credit: Bluberry)


The comments and PMs we received last year are part of why we are proud to support R U OK? Day by changing our colours and promoting their cause.

One of the biggest challenges to OzBargain and other online social media sites (e.g. Instagram, Twitter) is promoting an environment where everyone feels comfortable commenting and discussing issues (or deals). We should all recognise that our comments have consequences both positive and negative. People don't participate on a discussion site to be attacked or bullied. While some people may say 'suck it up' and that people should not be so sensitive, we should be aware that we don't truly know the people behind these accounts. Some are young, some may come to here to escape a tough reality, be mentally unbalanced, or they possibly could have thick skin. We just don't know.

On the flip side, a simple gesture such as thanking someone or sending a friendly PM can go a long way. We made a post about contributing to a more positive OzBargain environment and we've had some great results changing some users behaviour by thinking about the impacts of their words.


Over the years of running this initiative on OzBargain (and offline) we've also received some comments making jokes about RUOK? Day. While those people may be OK, many times they are not both in real life and on OzBargain. Keep asking, be meaningful in the way you have your conversation and don't ask just today but any day.

We have forums where you can discuss relationships or anything else off-topic. Also, if you see any comments where you think the person may be struggling, please report to us and we'll get in touch.

You can also feel free to chat with us in the private Talk with a Moderator forum if you have any OzBargain related issues. Or send me a PM about whatever you want (except moderation issues). Please see our Mental Health Page if you need to speak to someone including live chat.

For confidential advice and support call a crisis support line – such as Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

:)


ASK R U OK?
  • Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach.
  • Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What’s been happening?"
  • Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?"

IF

  • If they don’t want to talk, don’t criticise them.
  • Tell them you’re still concerned about changes in their behaviour and you care about them.
  • Avoid a confrontation.
  • You could say: “Please call me if you ever want to chat” or “Is there someone else you’d rather talk to?”
LISTEN WITH AN OPEN MIND
  • Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
  • Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
  • If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
  • Encourage them to explain: "How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you felt that way?"
  • Show that you've listened by repeating back what you’ve heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly.
ENCOURAGE ACTION
  • Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
  • Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"
  • Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
  • You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this… You might find it useful too."
  • If they've been feeling really down for more than 2 weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
  • Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times.
IF THEY NEED EXPERT HELP
  • Some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. If someone’s been really low for more than 2 weeks - or is at risk - please contact a professional as soon as you can.
CHECK IN
  • Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner.
  • You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
  • Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
  • Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.

For gamers, some emotes, streaming titles and their Conversations Guide for Gamers

Related Stores

R U OK? Day
R U OK? Day

Comments

  • +27

    R U OK?

    • +3

      I'm fine. Thank you very much. Yourself?

      • +5

        Yeah, I think I'm okay. Just got paid from my 2nd job, my mum wanted me to see a random stranger and I'm about to go to bed. Goodnight

    • This year has been responsibilities upon responsibilities as well as a lot of disappointments, but hey, those are unavoidable and help me grow:) I'm ok and well my fellow ozbargainer, r u ok?

    • +6

      No. But I am actively working on understanding why I am not okay and breaking the cycle between unhelpful thoughts, unhelpful behaviours and physical symptoms.
      Still got a bit to go, but confident (with the help of MindSpot) I will get there.

      • Glad to hear you're working on all that. Never heard of mindspot before, looks like a great service.

    • +3

      Not really, thinking of leaving my current job since the culture is based around people treating each other like garbage whilst expecting peak performance

      • +2

        We work in the same place?
        Naah, seriously… FWIW, i don't know your situation… don't know how easy it is to find other employment in a field/company you like. But what I have learnt is that it is good to talk about it with someone.

    • Not really. Every day seem like absolute shiete.

      • +2

        Why's that mate?

  • +19

    I was not OK but then I bought something online… I am now happy and going to bed.
    Have a good one!

    Are you ok?

    • +2

      I'll be better once I can get some solid, decent, income and can get back to spending to much money on things I want.

      Here's hoping whatever you bought keeps you happy, stay safe.

  • +2

    Just so it helps, I’m okay :)

    R u ok?

  • +3

    r u ok, my fellow ozb'ers?

    • +2

      I am ok my fellow deal-seeker, are you?

  • I am not okay!!!

    Give me please give me at least an old school date, I can’t believe how hard it is to date a gay guy that does old-school dating nowadays.

    Sorry for the negative energy.

    • +18

      give me at least an old school date

      4 March 1983.

      (Excursion to the zoo)

    • +1

      Perhaps take a break from Grindr.

      • What makes you think I use Grindr?

        • What is an old school date and how far back is old school these days?

          • @Third_Gear: XD.. depends.

            • +1

              @Kawaii: Ah right. Well I feel sorry for anyone in the dating scene at the moment but I don’t get how the actual dating can be too different. But really I have NFI.

              • +2

                @Third_Gear: What is NFI by the way?

                Old school dating can be, for me, liking each other—> exclusive serious monogamous relationship——> commitment ———>building life together
                (if things go well)

                Instead of, screw(fword) guys and get screwed(f*ed).
                (99% of the gay guys I know are in this category)

                • @Kawaii: No F’ing Idea = NFI.

                  • +1

                    @Third_Gear: can also be Not F'ing Interested that's why I am confused.

                • @Kawaii: This seems to also similar to straight guys too.

                  I met my SO on one in first lockdown (I'm talented :P) and we thank every deity under the sun for meeting each other because according to my single friends, the dating sites are a gross fest…

                  • @Carmen Sandiego: Thanks for letting me know :(

                    Guess it's 14 times harder than your case

                    since gay people are only 1/14 of all men.

                    • @Kawaii: Maybe, but that doesn't invalidate your struggles <3

                      There are always good men out there so, here's hoping you find yours <3

  • +11

    To all Victorians out there, r u ok ?

    Just so you know, we feel you, we understand you and we know how tough it is, but, this won’t last. Please keep at it you’re doing a great job.

    On behalf of everyone I say thank you.

    • +5

      To all Victorians out there, r u ok ?

      Nope. It's like ground hog day.

      Each morning we wake up, Dan is still premier, and the end of the lockdown is always 6 weeks away !!!

      • What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?

        • +2

          I haven’t been in a position to hire incompetent security guards to cause a situation that kills hundreds and hundreds of people. You’re better off asking the Dan & Jenny show.

          • @jv:

            I haven’t been in a position to hire incompetent security guards

            Because I am sure that Dan hand picked these guys himself. This came about because of going with the lowest tendered quote for staffing. Get what you paid for, and any government that would have been in power would have done the same thing…

            • +2

              @pegaxs: Thats what I find odd. Nobody's talking about the guy who owned the security company.

              If I ran a security business, and you came to me and said 'Hey we have a bunch of people sick with an incredibly contagious virus. You good to guard them?'
              I wouldn't just say 'No worries!". And if I did, and the virus got out, that would be totally on my shoulders.

              Strange that the conversation is not that but instead on blaming the guy who told another guy to put the sick people in a building and don't let them out.

              But try telling that to the political types. I believe in reason, they believe in 'winning'

              • @outlander: Well said. It is really the security company not doing their job properly.

                If I were Dan I would still have to acknowledge that it is my fault. I cannot stand i front of the people of victoria and point the finger at other people. EVEN IF it is because of their inadequacy. Ultimately I am responsible for my hirelings. However the people should know there the problem really is. The blame cannot solely be on Dan.

                This is a tough situation and whatever he does he will be blamed for something.

        • -1

          R U aware that lifeline has never had as many calls in Victoria as they’ve had in the last week since Dan announced his “Road Map”.

          • +1

            @jv: On the old Dan hate train I see. Classic jv

      • +1

        Oh no you can't criticise their prophet, he who can do wrong. It's not like governments have been planning for disasters exactly like this since the black plague

        • I was just quoting the question in the post
          Didnt mean to cause a stir but hey, it’s good to let it out

      • The neg votes you got for expressing your opinion (and allegedly saying the truth)… That's sad to see how in a democratic country people can't disagree with this government or even discuss the reasons why Dan has taken decisions. Always "could you do better?" bla bla bla… Well, jv is not the Premier of Victoria and is not the one supposed to make decisions, and be criticised for that.

        Those same people are not very tolerant when talking about Liberals' lack of investment in age care in the last years… We don't see: "Could you do better? It's the first time the federal government has to deal with a pandemic… It's hard… They created Jobkeeper and are doing their best"…

        Double standards.

    • +4

      Nope, not until someone at the government takes responsibility for their mess up.
      Actually dont worries about that, they just need to give a sincere apology and take a 33% paid cut from the tax payers.

  • +18

    Unfortunately with this event comes a lot of people who will spam it everywhere and to me it comes off as not being serious.

    Still I'm always happy to talk to anyone as many have before. We all have our problems 😔

  • +4

    No. International travel restrictions are killing me.

    • +2

      This ^^
      All I'm wanting to do is leave this country (long term) and I can't even do that which I find personally is bullshit.

      Non citizens have more freedom than citizens (and dual citizens for that matter too).

      • saaaaame here. At least I can save up more money. messed up and built a pc tho. Not sure how thats going to work out

      • +2

        I just feel people don't really understand what it means to be separated from loved ones if they're not impacted. Everyone thinks they want to be like scotty and go for a holiday in Hawaii, when reality is it will be over 1 year before I see my partner again, maybe more.

  • +11

    200 OK

    • +8

      202 Accepted

      • +4

        204 No Content

        • +6

          417 Expectation Failed

  • +5

    having girl issues, but other than that im ok

    • -4

      Have you tried hunting something besides skanks?

  • +8

    i am more than okay. i am great! about to launch my first ever game, on kickstarter, a large MMORPG like RS! somehow gathered 8k discord users in the last year of dev. things have been crazy.

    I AM OKAY!

    • AYO, LINK DAT SH*T FOOL.

      also, glad to know you're okay :)

      • +3

        well we submitted the link but we don't have it approved for a few days. here is a vid, you can get some discord and other information from here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihAnJVyYuhQ

        hope you are okay too brother!

        • Nice you got LazyPeon to do a preview, I like the gameplay n fighting combat. If not for the magic nn occult side I would jump right in. My salvation is too expensive to lose.

          I wish you all the best.

  • +4

    These new colours are giving me anxiety

  • I'm OK, finally bought a qhd ips monitor as an upgrade to my old tn panel, and i couldn't be happier:)
    Are you guys okay?

    • Are you guys okay?

      No, my monitor is SVGA.

      • -2

        poor jv in another penalty box. im sure this is the 3rd time already, so should be permanent?

        • +1

          No. Why do people get so upset by jv?

    • No my 2k monitor is stuck on a ship somewhere

  • +1

    It may as well just be "R U OK Victoria?" day from now on.

    • +1

      We should have a day in honor of glorious leader Dan. We could call it "F U Ok!" day.

  • +18

    I actually despise this day every year. It's a day (in my experience anyway) everyone feels they have to check up on you for the sake of it but then tomorrow comes and it's all back to usual again.

    Comes across as fake and gives people just another chance to inflate their ego by proclaiming how many people they've asked like it's some sort of competition.

    • +7

      You can already see the people taking it as a joke here.

      • +4

        Yeah it's a bit ridiculous tbh. I'm all for humour of varying types and use it myself to mask true emotions sometimes, but is it too much for people here to just go one day without it?

    • but then tomorrow comes and it's all back to usual again.

      so on this one day we try and be civil to one another
      all the negging etc can resume tomorrow :)

    • +2

      Mcdonalds has brought back their monopoly promo

    • +1

      While I would tend to agree with your cynicism, if this day saves even one life, then it's worth the BS that might come along with it.

      • Yeah exactly it's worth it to some other people, don't get me wrong someone I checked on was most appreciative but it's the whole situation surrounding people who don't actually care but just say it to have said it.
        As this day is about to conclude I can say it's gone a lot better than previous years have at least.

    • Agreed, and similar reasons as to why I hate Valentine's Day.

      My SO is a slightly dismayed so, he's promised to make me enjoy it :P

  • Haku: im ok now 😊

  • +1

    I'm good, I'm good, I'm pretty good.
    Thanks for asking, that's mighty thoughtful….

  • +1

    R U OK?

    • I'm OK, genuinely! Scored meself a bargain on them firestick the other day. R U OK?

      • +1

        I'm doing OK! It's been a few days, still OK!

  • +6

    I was OK til I had to look at that yellow banner. It's making me nauseous.

    • Switch to dark mode and you'll see what its like if you were.
      Tbh I'm liking it.

      • How did you get the dark mode?

        • +1

          It's under "My Account" the last thing above logout.
          Here
          (This is on a mobile chrome running Android 10 - not sure if that's why?)

  • +1

    Why did "R U OK" blatantly copy Kakaotalk colours and design?

  • This yellow is very bright and is visually painful to look at. Could you please give us the option to change it to a dark mode?

    • +1

      You can enable dark mode by mousing over 'My Account' then clicking the 'dark mode' option.
      The colour still looks bad but it at least shouldn't strain your eyes to look at.

  • i'm okay, new nvidia cards are out soon and i haven't been hyped for a product for a while

  • There are ups, there are downs but the net impact is still OK so far. R U OK my OzBs?

  • +1

    I was okay until I saw the 'R U OK?' colour scheme.

    • Puts it back in your memory after starting the day relativley ok, that yes your not ok, and not much you can do about it :(

  • Cheers… I am OK now… (after just spending 10 mins trying to diagnose why my monitor colours looked all washed out)

  • I'm ok. Just bought some more stuff I needed. JB raking up $250k a day in sales.

    Stay safe everyone. We will get through this. It's an awesome day in Vic weather wise, so make sure you max out your 1hour exercise.

  • +3

    The problem is this R U OK thing is also something meaningless which everyone trying to send their email or information to each other.

    I have been receiving emails from many section of university and they are asking the same things! R U OK? but apparently none of them don't really care if you are OK or Not!

    It's been a while I have told them I don't feel ok but who cares!

    The good thing is here in OZ bargain, at least freely can say this kind of things and sometime I help people like me to feel better.

    • I suppose at Uni it's to cover their bases. Might trigger you to get help.

      • Yeah I know I am just saying, they are only showing that they are following protocols and caring for you if you feel bad or if you think you need some help. But apparently in reality it's quite different!

  • +1

    Remember if you’re not sure whether you know what to say there are more tips and a quiz you can take on this page. Quiz.

    • I did the quiz and this was my results

      Hmmm not quite right!
      We think you might need to find out more about how to ask R U OK? Click here for tips on how to get the conversation started and what to do if someone says “no, I’m not ok”.

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