So it looks like unfortunately our relationship is ending and before engaging with paid services etc i thought I would touch base to see if anyone has similar experiences or insights they are able to share please
De facto couple been together almost 11 years, living together almost 10 years.
We have a 2 year old and another baby arriving soon :(
Rented together for almost 8 years, before 2 years ago we moved in rent free (bills only) to live downstairs in her dad's place while she has been on maternity leave and now unemployed after redundancy
We have no real estate but we have $160k in a joint savings account currently
$30k of the savings was a gift to her from her family, $35k was her redunancy payout.
When we started the joint savings account, I contributed the $30k savings to my name, she contributed the $20k savings to her name and then there was also the above $30k from her family, totalling $80k in total. The other $80k (given we have $160k savings now) has been $35k her redundancy, and the rest of it savings from her maternity leave pay and me being the sole breadwinner.
Having said that, I totally recognise that her contribution of being a stay at home mum is equal if not harder to my role as a financial breadwinner, and I have also benefited from living rent free in her dads place for the past 2 years.
Since the 2 years that we have started a family and joint savings account, we have paid for air conditioning ($4k) and other household furnishings etc (another $5k) that she would be keeping. We have also bought another car $10k which is 'my' car. She had already bought and paid for a $35k car about 5 years ago, whereas I used to drive a bomb and upgraded to a much safer car when we started a family (and the $10k difference for the cars came out of our joint savings account).
Just wanting to get some peoples thoughts on what the fairest sort of situation is here please.
Essentially we have $160k on the table, but $30k of that is a gift from her family so obviously I want no part of that. Am I unreasonable in thinking $40-50k to myself is a fair outcome here and she keeps the remaining $110-120, or is that ripping her or myself off? I only brought $30k in initially, and have also got a $10k car upgrade out of it too. But she would also be having all the new furniture etc that we have jointly paid for too and continue to live with her dad rent free whereas I would be using the money to try and somehow afford a mortgage to be within an hours drive of my kids given the ridiculous Sydney real estate market so it's not like I'm wanting extra money to try and be greedy or to go and blow it somewhere.
I also want us to be able to be amicable and for this to be fair and of course there will be child support etc on top which I havent even looked into yet, I just have no idea where to even start with this stuff, and having seen my dad force my mum to go through a messy divorce when I was a kid and the only winners being the lawyers, I definitely don't want to repeat that and just hope we can avoid any messy and expensive ridiculousness which would only at the end of the day hurt us but also our kids
Thanks for any advice