I went through severe burn out so i impulsively decided to burn bridges. Every single one of them piss me off and the whole fake "family" environment does my head in. The masking was taxing as hell.
Now i'm unemployed and reconsidering my career path.
Wish me luck!
Maybe it should have a censured F word.
I think you mean "censored", unless you think he should change his name to the complete f word and then have us collectively berate him for it.
Yes, that's a good idea
I think you mean "censored",
I just thought he meant to add an f in between no & ideaa.
unless you think he should change his name
Huh! I never thought he meant that at all.
change his name to the complete f word
Gordon Ramsay said the f word was food. Then there was Hanibal Lecter who was quite fond of Fava Beans…
then have us collectively berate him for it.
I'd be willing to watch how that turned out.
I always burn my bridges about year three, or the moment it turns silly. Usually there's a time where it turns silly and you got a choice to make, switch off your brain and pretend it didn't happen or start burning bridges by talking about it. If you're making a one-way journey, why should you even care if the bridges behind you are still standing or not. Besides, it's better to switch jobs when you want a promotion, instead of sticking with one employer. It's how all the young people do it now. You just start applying for jobs that pay more than what you do now whenever you want, it's that easy. Keep getting better jobs until you're out of your depths than go back to the kind of position you were at before that point.
Easier said than done.
I always burn my bridges about year three, or the moment it turns silly.
Can I join that club? Going through my 20 years in the work force it's about the same for me. By year 3 I'm over it and I start calling it out. Plus the whole "Oh it's a small world" thing is bullshit. I work in IT and yet I've never come across a former manager or colleague in another job.
Possibly because those other managers or colleagues burnt bridges and are no longer in IT?
Burning bridges may feel cathartic but even if you don't come back to that same company, your reputation follows you.
even if you don't come back to that same company, your reputation follows you.
Can't say it ever has to be honest, and I'm quite senior on my career and my roles too. Never has my reputation come into question.
I think you're just pushing an archaic logic that people from a bygone era used to say, and one that I used to be fearful of years ago, when you would build a career in a company and job-hopping was seen are more detrimental. But in the age of frequent redundancies and restructures, that's no longer the case.
@Cyphar: The only real question is, what do you do for a reference? Some jobs I have applied for they have insisted to speak to your past direct line manager. That can at times be painful
I work in IT and yet I've never come across a former manager or colleague in another job.
IT is huge though. Every company has an IT department and it's often not industry dependent.
Some careers and industries however are quite niche - most definitely in mine, people move around between the same companies quite often and know each other.
If I want to stay in my industry, burning bridges is a terrible idea - no matter how compelling and satisfying it would be.
Hope you find something good man and get a bit of time off before it starts.
Name does not check out
The real Dr. Phil was an a-hole who exploited the mentally ill and vulnerable for TV ratings, so yea, it's kinda on brand for him.
@Charmoffensive: I forgot this guy existed because he's on my block list. Is this the guy that used to spam under the ironic name of hewhoknows?
@rumblytangara: hewhosknob and amazingone. Does a rebrand every now and then in an attempt to shake the negs.
@rumblytangara: I genuinely can’t tell if it's deliberate bait or just culture-war autopilot. If it’s trolling, it’s low effort. If it’s genuine, that’s… concerning.
@JIMB0: Same here! But then again the other name on my ignore list is jv and that's definitely trolling :D
The ambiguity is… kind of interesting tbh. It's like Schroedinger's (profanity).
@rumblytangara: The amount of times I've reported JV for trolling and the mods have said "yeah, but we're not going to remove the comment or ban him because he might be being serious" is astounding. They'll happily keep any users around as long as they keep engagement up with frequent rage bait posting.
@Charmoffensive: Yeah, she's a protected species. I have no idea the alchemy behind turning their thousands of identical "oh I didn't understand what you said" shit posts into coin, however.
What sort of comment is this?
Recently, I walked away from a job. No references possible. They — and the recruiter — probably hate my guts now, which I expected, but still.
The job was challenging in ways it didn’t need to be, and with my life falling apart and my wife recovering from illness, I couldn’t bring myself to show up anymore. I just walked. I regret that. If I had my time again, I wouldn’t have handled it that way.
Most of my colleagues were amazing, and I actually miss them now. There’s no way I would ever contact them though. I’m pretty ashamed of how I behaved.
I’m also fairly sure I’m on some kind of blacklist now — maybe a cross-agency Teams chat or LinkedIn group. It might just be in my head, but it feels real. So be very careful.
Where am I going with this? If you’re falling apart, or if the workplace is toxic or just strange, leave — but do it with respect. Respect yourself. Respect the business. Respect the recruiter and HR.
I felt relief for about ten seconds, then months of shame and now financial strain.
Reach out and get advice or help before making any career- or life-altering decisions.
Good luck. I truly hope it works out for the best.
Often if you are mistreated and don't burn your bridges, you aren't respecting yourself
Burning your bridges is disrespecting yourself, you are potentially setting yourself up for future career difficulties just to give them what you think they deserve, which if they ard like most arseholes it will be used against you, so you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot. What you should be thinking is (profanity) them and do what is best for you which is move on gracefully without giving them reason to cause you further pain.
Depends on how it goes. I know people who have been mistreated (in the legal definition) and taken their employers to fair work, and scored pay outs. Are their employers going to give them a reference? Maybe not, but they probably wouldn't have anyway, so they absolutely were right standing up for themselves. Plus they deserved it.
@Jackson: That is very different to burning your bridges. If you have been legally screwed over absolutely go for them.
@Jackson: it is not about whether it is fun or not or whether you have a reason. Burning your bridges often has personal consequences that can cost you dearly while providing you ZERO benefit. yes if you are legallly mistreated go for it, but most do it because they are pissed off or through spite and later down the road regret it immensely.
@gromit: I don't think most people do it because they are just pissed off. Managers can be stupid, ignorant of the law, or just don't care because they feel like they can subvert the law. Subordinates can be just as ignorant, and in some cases know their rights but just aren't up for the fight. In these cases I have seen people opt to burn bridges. Other times I have seen managers so stubbornly hold on to bad ideas and processes that their subordinates, who have zero power in the work place, decide to just let loose. When the power balance is all one way, I don't think any burned bridges is out of pure spite and nothing else
Had me until you said respect the recruiter and HR.
I couldn’t bring myself to show up anymore. I just walked. I regret that. If I had my time again, I wouldn’t have handled it that way.
I can go one step further than you pretty good guy.
In 1998 I was working as a chef and a new item was introduced to the menu.
It was live lobster sashimi.
When an order came in, it became my job to go out to the lobster tank and catch one depending on whether it was a small, medium or large that was ordered.
These lobsters were not in a fish tank type enclosure like you see on tv, they hundreds of them kept together in a shallow pool out the back of the restaurant (in the middle of Surfer's Paradise Qld).
To get the lobster, you first had to put on Wellington boots so you could get into the tank in search of your lobster, wading through this pool with live lobsters bumping up against you and having to shuffle so you didn't stand on any.
I wasn't thrilled about this part, but there was concern about damaging them if we used nets (concern for loss of money, not welfare of the animals :) ), so this was the process and we just had to suck it up.
Once we had selected the lobster, we had to get a waiter to take it out to the customer for their approval. (Remember this lobster is struggling to breathe at this point and beginning to die).
Once the waiter brought the lobster back into the kitchen, we had a maximum estimate of three minutes to prepare it and have it served back to the customer.
In that three minutes I had to
- twist its head off so that it separated from the body
- clean out the head and leave to drain on the side
- hold the body of the lobster in one hand so you could cut down both sides of his tummy with the other without marking or scoring the flesh. Whilst you are doing this, the body is contracting and twisting around the hand that is holding it as if it is still alive.
- periodically, you also check out the empty head that is draining on the side to monitor the clarity and movement of the eyes. Once the eyes stop moving you have to start again because you can no longer prove it is fresh lobster.
- once you cut the lobster shell, you need to gently remove the flesh which is still pulsing and moving, with your fingers.
- next you place it on the cutting board, pressing down hard enough to hold it in place, but not hard enough to squash it. Still pulsating and moving…
- next you make paper thin slices along the length of the meat, being careful to only make precision cuts, not mangle it, even though it is still wriggling and moving.
- arrange on plate and decorate including head.
- waiter to deliver to customer.
- if eyes are not moving and flesh is not pulsing when delivered to customer, it will be sent back as it is no longer live.
I used to throw up every time I had to prepare one. Chef knew that it bothered me, I had asked several times for the task to be given to somebody else, he just told me to toughen up.
One night we got notification of a tour bus coming later that night requesting 40 of them.
I did all the prep for that order, made sure my entire section was prepped and ready to go and when chef declared the kitchen open for that night's service, I just broke. I couldn't face it. Just went "nope", removed my apron, collected my knives and left.
So, not only did I leave without notice, I left right at the beginning of a busy dinner service which is about the lowest dog act anybody could have done.
Most of my colleagues were amazing, and I actually miss them now. There’s no way I would ever contact them though. I’m pretty ashamed of how I behaved.
I was ashamed just acknowledging what I did to those I had to, there is no way I could ever contact any of the other chef's who were working that night. The biggest loss to me was the head chef was a very good friend and this had been the third restaurant I had worked under him in.
I’m also fairly sure I’m on some kind of blacklist now
Yeah, there isn't anybody in that industry who would employ me once they found out I walked out without notice, far less mid shift.
I survived some of the most terrible working conditions that anybody could imagine. I was so desperate to leave one job that I thought about driving into an oncoming truck on my way home one night because at least that was an acceptable reason to leave that job.
But nope, I couldn't do that any longer, not even for four more hours.
Worst mistake of my career. I regret what I did to my work colleagues and I lost other friends because of how ashamed I am for what I did.
But shrugs life moved on. I've still got their front door key and they've still got my personal recipe book… but what can ya do, eh?
The regret usually comes in later like if you want the job back, or need a good reference Etc.
But good luck anyway, hope you figure out your new life.
Yeah not having good references is about the only drawback to leaving a job. But if the company is rotten you dont want a reference from them anyway. I guess it pays to do your homework on who youre being hired by before you start the job.
Most companies do not, as a policy, provide "good references" other than time in employment.
It makes sense. Who will offer references from a company that will say you are "useless"?
Also a "bad reference" may trigger legal actions.
Definitively, lack of good references is not a drawback at all.
Leaving when you feel ready is the best move of all.
My very first manager always said never burn your bridges because you never know who you might work for next.
In corporate I've seen at least 3 cases where a subordinate was promoted about above a manager or a manager was demoted below a subordinate.
Wilson Mizner's Classic Quote: "Be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet them on the way down"."
I would say be nice to anyone no matter who they are, because that is who you are. You may or may not meet them on whichever way you go.
Even Mary Poppins meets people for whom a spoonful of sugar is woefully inadequate.
Thanks for the AMA, don’t think it meets the AMA requirements though.
Legend, respect.
A hard reset takes courage, well done.
Honour that courage by making your next moves all about making your life better and not I hated those (profanity).
Nobody gives a (profanity) about references any more, recruiters just want arse in seat till probation is complete.
Sheesh, you sound more motivational than my ChatGPT! :)
Good luck. Have been unemployed since mid last year, very qualified. It's not at all easy to get a job at the moment.
My suggestions: look at free TAFE courses if you'd like to change careers or upskill. Sign up with a placement agency e.g. Hays if you don't mind contract work. Apply for as many jobs as you can - it's such a numbers game.
I tried Powerball but I was selecting numbers with a. low probability of ever being picked.
I learned later that -3 and 104 were not even in the barrel.
-3 and 104 were not
you gotta use Celcius not farenheit
Burning professional bridges is not recommended.
Burning professional bridges in an environment where jobs are hard to find, is silly.
Burning professional bridges in an environment where jobs are hard to find and boasting about it online, is F'ing stupid.
Why is it stupid to be boating about it online, no one knows f all about this person.
People can burn whatever bridges they want, if people are being d*cks to them then burn away, I say
Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike quit! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
you sound like my foundation repair guy
Now parge the lath!
Hand me my patching trowel
How you holding up sir?
As an employee you have three options
1 change yourself
2 change the company
3 change company
Are they in Madison County ?
OMG, that is exactly what I was thinking…
(Take the bridges out of the plot and there really isn't a Movie, just people with Cars either side of a River complaining about burnt bridges and wondering what life over the other side might be like).
Of course the whole family environment is fake, it's a game, they need you to stick around us for pennies while they make as much money as they can. You would do it too if it meant a bigger bonus for yourself! Can't take it personally. Just find a new job, a guess what, they will also be a "family". I work a job where I just say "I'm only here for the money".
The game is to smile while wishing every misfortune upon them and taking opportunities to make their lives worse without them knowing.
Then quietly exit to a better place, them thinking you're great and you being glad you're never to see them again.
I did the same thing.
Took a 20% pay cut to try a new industry
Now I'm on 50% more than my last job and within 2 years.
Best thing I did and the transition was super smooth and easy.
Not making house music anymore? That was so 2000s
Occasionally I go looking for that old house music when a insta reel got the beat going
Im burning every bridge when I get out of work.
Get my money, retire and tell all the physcos and nasty bastards I’ve had to eat shit from.
IT industry has a heap of smart but fcked up people ranging from micro managers to office phycos and Karen's galore.
So many egos.
So many people like that exist because (a) everyone's a winner and gets a participation trophy, and (b) not enough people tell others to piss off with their psycho/karen/micromanaging attitudes because "don't burn bridges, guys".
It's cool when they do it in the movies but this is real life.
Very simple question to ask yourself before you do potentially dumb stuff in life "what do I gain by doing this?". There is no upside in burning bridges unless your ego is so fragile you need to "show them". Plenty of downside though. Good luck.
I wonder when the regret phase kicks in
I've never regretted leaving a job.
Unsure about username
Perhaps I should change it to disobey?
big difference between leaving a job and burning your bridges. I have left multiple jobs, but never burnt my bridges, my profession people move around a lot so you inevitably come across those you previously worked for or with. I have been on the interview cycle for people that burnt their bridges and it cost them the opportunity.
Takes a lot for me to leave a job i can put up with a lot. Never once had regrets.
is this because you found a new job before leaving
Even if it's an engagement farming post, good on you. The older you get, especially once you have children, you see how fake most people are. It's probably not even fake it's more of how drone/zombie/sheep people are. Authenticity is rare as most people filter/block everything and go through their lives, ticking boxes, doing and saying the "right" things. Best of luck.
SPOT ON
Hijacking your post OP / Advice;
Going through a similar situation at work.
The manager who I met through a common group chat reffered me to the role. We were from the same community so I shared my personal experiences and so did they. Once they shared that they wanted to start a side hustle, then I shared in confidence that I have one which doesnt need much time and I always make sure to attend to anything outside of work hours. In a one-on-one, they mentioned out of the blue that it doesnt seem I'm fully committed.
In another instance, I did the entirety of work to bring my organisation ready for a transformation, no one before that had done anything around and didnt have any processes for it. Guess who got the full credit when I delivered on it?
A few more instances happened that helped me realised that this person does not have any real skills but got to their position because of how good their comms were.
But in the end, I'm resigning in a professional manner and will wish everyone in the team (the team was good though) the best. Its not about burning bridges, which is quite easy to do, but about controlling your own narrative. I can say a lot about that person not just in my email, but in the community group as well to taint their reputation and I feel like its not worth it.
My believe is that God is watching, I can do what I think my version of 'doing right' is.
I have learned over the years that all we can do is stick to our own values, sometimes you can keep working in place that doesn't share those values, yes you may suffer some reputational hits and you may find yourself at the limit of how far you can progress because of that but as long as you can go home knowing you keep to your values in everything you do then you are doing something right.
But sometimes the ability to remain in that environment is too much and you jsut have to leave, you can do it nicely but if youve stayed far longer than you should have it can be a crashout. Ultimately OP is still mentally better off if thats why they left so don't look back
My believe is that God is watching, I can do what I think my version of 'doing right' is.
And doing wat?
Only experience, he doesn't seem to be much of an interventionalist God, so exactly what is he watching and why is he watching?
What a worthless / useless thread.
How is this thread not deleted already?
OP got it off their chest and ran away?
Hope you win the lottery and can check out of working for good.
Wish me luck!
Thoughts and prayers!
I got to a breaking point at my last workplace after 10 years. For all the "our people are our greatest asset" and "family first" they tried to push, they really showed their true colours after I quit. A 10 year senior veteran with an incredible amount of institutional knowledge and they didn't even want to do an exit interview. I had to write them an exit letter putting them on blast.
Now I earn literally 50% more, have less responsibility, and work from home full time. So definitely no regrets here.
Great effort but why waste your time with a letter. They would have put it straight in the round filing cabinet.
I imagine HR just replying with ‘k.’ Or ‘👍’
They did not. It had an effect.
As for why, it feels good to explain your frustrations. It makes you feel heard (even if you are not). You should try it.
No they actually read it, even multiple times, and each read burned their souls to the core.
They never be the same again.
I'm more impressed that 10 years is considered a senior veteran. I've been doing my job for 20 years and I am still considered a spring chicken.
@RTX9090Ti: He's definitely not good at his job if a chicken is still around after 20 years! Should have been deep fried on day one!
Great effort but why waste your time with a letter
Yeah if the only time I'm going to be heard is when I quit, why should I give them any feedback to improve. Screw them.
What's an "exit interview"? Never had one in any of the jobs I've left.
Like when you breakup and after yalls sit down and think of the good times, the bad times and discuss what coulda been better
I thought you just give them a rating out of five stars and then swipe left.
Nah, after breakup just pretend they never existed in first place. not wasting any time.
It's a corporate bullshit step and totally unnecessary. I've refused to do one in a past job
Totally agree.
My wife who manages large teams across multiple states in the finance sector told me in all her years (~30 years) she has never once had any feedback from an exit interview passed back to her from HR.
It's pointless busy work to contribute to justifying HR headcount.
Username checks out.