I’m hoping to get some constructive input and outside perspectives on a situation my family is currently navigating.
We are a family of three (my wife, our child, and myself) living in a townhouse near Brisbane, which we’ve owned for about 15 years. Our child is approaching his teenage years and is increasingly wanting more space, particularly a backyard, and to live closer to his friends. At the moment, we are about 25 minutes from his high school. Socially, he’s a bit behind his peers, which makes it harder for him to build strong friendships, so proximity to his social circle feels increasingly important.
About a year ago, my stepfather passed away. Since then, my mum has been living alone. She’s still working and likely will continue for the next 2–3 years, but she does experience periods of loneliness.
My wife and I have been considering selling our townhouse and purchasing a house with a backyard. However, given current market conditions, many suitable suburbs even 30–40 km south of Brisbane are becoming increasingly unaffordable. As a result, we’ve started discussing the possibility of buying a property together with my mum.
Financially, our household income is around $250k, and my mum earns approximately $300k. Including her assets (cash, super, and property), her net worth is around $2.3 million. We’ve been looking at larger homes (5 bed / 3 bath) that can function as dual living properties.
The current idea is a 60/40 ownership split (60% us, 40% my mum), structured as tenants in common. We expect to net around $670,000 from the sale of our townhouse, and we’re looking at properties in the $1.4m–$1.9m range. I’ve already spoken with a solicitor and mortgage broker, so we understand the basic legal framework.
One key issue we’re trying to work through is what happens down the track. Under a tenants-in-common structure, my mum’s 40% share would form part of her estate and likely be split between my sister and me.
This is where I’m seeking honest feedback.
Given that my mum would be living with us, and we would be taking on the day-to-day responsibility of supporting her as she ages (particularly if health issues arise), I feel that it may be reasonable for the property to pass fully to my wife and me upon her death. The rest of her estate would then be split 50/50 between my sister and me.
My sister lives in regional NSW, and moving there wouldn’t be a realistic or healthy option for my mum it would be socially isolating for her. So living with us seems like the most practical and supportive arrangement.
My question is, does this approach seem fair and equitable, given the circumstances, or am I viewing this too narrowly and being selfish?
I’m genuinely interested in balanced perspectives, especially from people who may have been in similar situations
Mother needs independent legal and financial advice.
What does she want to do for herself? (Without feeling compelled to finance your lifestyle or beg you for attention).
Hell no.
Absolutely!
She's your mother. Either care for her or don't, but you don't get to charge her for it and martyr yourself for doing it if you choose to.
—-/-
Forty years is a long time to make this kind of commitment for. As the years pass and the dynamics of the family unit change, will everybody still be good to live with each other?
Every time one of you wants to move house, is the other one able to buy out whomever is leaving or do they have to move etc too?
What if relationships sour and you need to separate?
What if wife's parents/family situation changes?
Absolutely no way in hell this should be happening. Your kid will move out of home in the next ten years and you're a grown ass adult with a decent income, you don't need to be living with your mother.
If your mother is lonely, get yourself busy and go and visit her. Get her involved in her community. Not your job to be your mother's friend. Let her have a life of her own.
Damn kids spending their inheritance before their parents are even dead. Presumptuous, audacious and really, really messed up.