Is marriage a bargain?

[Deactivated] on 30/01/2015 - 19:50
Last edited 30/01/2015 - 22:03

There are quite a few men who says: "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"
and there are quite a few women who thinks: "why buy an entire pig, just to get a little sausage?"

Are they right? Could being single be the real bargain?

Thought this might help any romeos who are planning to pop the question on v-day. We might end up saving them some big bucks :)

So how happy are you in your marriage, relative to how happy you would be if you weren't in the marriage?

Edit: Apologies re. typos and grammatical mistakes. can't edit poll to correct them :(

Poll Options

  • 139
    The happiest I've ever been: my spouse fills my heart with love and my world with happiness.
  • 32
    Marriage sucks: Getting married was a mistake.It neither heaven nor hell. Its purgatory.
  • 28
    Happier married: I'm made the right decision.I might be poorer but I'm more contented.
  • 18
    Same : would be just as happy being single...but I would have a lot more savings.
  • 13
    Marriage is THE worst mistake I've ever made: I never believed in hell until I married her/him.
General Discussion

Comments

  • ozhunter on 30/01/2015 - 20:09
    +5

    Thought this might help any romeos who are planning to pop the question on v-day. We might end up saving them some big bucks :)

    Lol, even if everyone voted for number 5, it wouldn't have any effect on my decision to propose.

  • nekro on 30/01/2015 - 20:21
    +7

    Been there done that, never, ever, ever again.

    • onlyletters on 02/02/2015 - 07:51
      +5

      Either you've got issues or you married the wrong person. Better luck next time.

  • robbyjones on 30/01/2015 - 20:26
    +18

    I've been married 27 years and couldn't imagine my life without my husband. Marry your best friend, trust your partner unless they prove you can't, compromise on the things that don't make you seethe, don't sweat the small stuff and don't let things fester. The last, and most important thing to remember…..happy wife, happy life!

    • Scrooge McDuck on 01/02/2015 - 09:14
      +9

      happy wife, happy life!

      Ma'am, I don't think wives themselves are supposed to admit that.

      Here's my adage:

      Ditch wife, rich life!

      • robbyjones on 01/02/2015 - 15:07
        +2

        The most shocking thing I take out of your comment is you calling me ma'am! How about this:
        "A happy marriage is the world’s best bargain".

  • [Deactivated] on 30/01/2015 - 20:27
    +9

    I don't think being single is a bargain at all. Have to pay 100% of rent/mortgage, all the bills etc. instead of sharing with a partner. (Unless single income marriage, which would have to suck, twice the costs…)

    • scrimshaw on 30/01/2015 - 20:54
      +8

      Not exactly twice the cost. Assuming you both live together, costs which initially would have been split now are pooled, so things like rent, telephony/internet, water and strata fees would still remain the same.

      Anyway, here's an interesting infographic showing some data about happy couple interactions
      http://www.happify.com/hd/the-science-behind-a-happy-relatio…

      Of note:

      • Happy couples typically have 5 positive interactions for every negative one (5:1 ratio)
      • Couples who end up divorcing only have about 0.8 positive interactions for each negative interaction (0.8:1 ratio)
      • 55% more likely to report higher levels of happiness when they have sex once every few days
      • Based on a 20 year longitudinal study, the people who are the most happiest with their marriages have been married for 5 years or less, have no children, have college degrees plus employment (for the male)
      • Happiness levels typically tend to be at their peak for the first two years of marriage, before dropping back to pre-marriage levels in the 3rd and 4th years.
      • 33% of couples experience no change in happiness levels after a birth of the first child, while 67% experience a drop in marriage satisfaction after first child.
      • and most interestingly a happy marriage is worth $105,000 a year in terms of life satisfaction. I find this highly debatable as an Ozbargainer…
      • [Deactivated] on 30/01/2015 - 23:05
        +3

        But the pooled costs plus the increased gas, electricity and water usage would be coming out of a single wage. While there are many other benefits to the marriage for the people involved, in this case the income earner is worse of financially than they would have been if they had remained single and only had to deal with their own personal costs.
        In a situation where there are two incomes in a marriage then you are definitely better off than being single, as your rent/mortgage should halve, and other bills should decrease by a large percentage, which would mean that person is in a significantly better financial position than if they had remained single and borne the costs on their own.

      • GnarlyKnuckles on 31/01/2015 - 00:49
        +1

        "33% of couples experience no change in happiness levels after a birth of the first child, while 67% experience a drop in marriage satisfaction after first child."

        According to this 'fact', 0% experience an increase in marriage satisfaction after the birth of the first child. This is demonstrably rubbish, therefore the rest is likely to be as well.

        • scrimshaw on 31/01/2015 - 00:53
          +1

          Mistake in wording. Actually should be 'feel just as satisfied (or more satisfied) then before

        • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 13:27

          @scrimshaw:

          67% experience a drop in marriage satisfaction after first child.

          Do we know why?

        • scrimshaw on 31/01/2015 - 13:48
          +6

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          Using my brother as a test case / model, I'd say the possibility is that having a child to take care of increases stress, reduced leisure time, lack of sleep, and a whole raft of psychological issues such as post birth depression.

        • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 15:36
          +2

          @scrimshaw:we call it our extreme team building period :) The first 3-4 months after their births were tough. We're lucky that we had twins though.They've always been very good at calming and entertaining each other.

        • lenlynn on 31/01/2015 - 18:07

          @scrimshaw: Agree, and possibly also cos some parents tend to concentrate more on their offspring and neglect their partner.

        • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 00:13
          +8

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          We're lucky that we had twins

          I'm not sure "lucky" is the word I would have used while I was in labour. I could have used a bit of a breather in between the 2 births… more like a couple of years instead of just the 6 minutes that I had:)

      • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 13:41
        +6

        I find the happiness levels stats after the birth of the first child very interesting and a bit surprising.

        We experienced the opposite. Having a child and getting through the challenges of the first years brought us closer together than ever, and we were perfectly happy before we had children.

        Honestly, I don't believe that 0% of people had an increase in marriage satisfaction when I think about it.

        Seeing how my husband reacted to certain events during childbirth and seeing him in his role as a father gave me such a deeper love and respect for him. He has expressed a similar sentiment to me. I feel like our bond is stronger and we work better as a team now. We argue less than we did when we were young, and we have more fun together.

        • ozeebee on 03/02/2015 - 12:57

          YTW,

          Finances also add to the burden when having a child. I guess if you're well off financially, then it's true you and your partner will be extremely happy having a child.

        • [Deactivated] on 03/02/2015 - 14:16
          +2

          @ozeebee: Not necessarily well off, just in control of your finances and with realistic attitudes and expectations, and common goals.

          We planned and saved before having children. We are aware that we have made certain choices and accept their consequences. So we are able to live off one average wage quite happily.

  • [Deactivated] on 30/01/2015 - 20:34
    +9

    I don't get the assumption that marriage will leave you financially worse off.

    I've found the opposite. Because we are both working towards common goals and we've had two incomes most of our lives together, we are in a lot stronger position than most of my single friends. We spent years pooling expenses, living off his income and saving mine, not something you really can do as a single person.

    Kids are the killer of finances. But that's a whole other kettle of fish.

    • lousy on 01/02/2015 - 14:06

      Agree 2 incomes always better than one. BUT, definitely when kids come into play it's a whole other story. It's not just the actual cost of the kids themselves, it's the loss of income when one partner needs to take time off work to look after bubz. A real killer

      • ozeebee on 03/02/2015 - 13:00

        This is a constant discussion I have with my gf. We both feel the same that having a kid will hurt financially and our freedom we enjoy will be on the rear view for at least 20 years (depending on your child).

        I understand that in the later years, that's when investment into your kids pay off. But I'd hate to think that one day after all the sacrifice you put on your children, they turn out as a bad egg or you end up in a retirement home forgotten.

        • maximum on 03/02/2015 - 16:57

          Never have a kid to look after you in your old age - now days people are working more than before and so aren't around to care for the elderly. Anyway I would rather be "stuck in a home" than burden my children or have them feel obligated to look after me.

        • ozeebee on 04/02/2015 - 09:01

          @maximum:

          No necessarily saying I expect my kids to look after me when I get older.

          Just insane to think of all the sacrifices parents make day in and day out and end up with children who doesn't show any appreciation or care.

          PS. I have one cousin exactly like this, for anyone who gets to meet him/her will understand what being unappreciative means. This is exactly the type of son/daughter any parent will regret having.

  • mehow on 30/01/2015 - 20:39
    +25

    Was it a mistake? Yes. It's great if you marry the right person but I didn't. I should of lived with her before hand. My wife is Asian and expects the man to do everything.

    Financially I would be better off if I remained single. Nothing is free in marriage and there is a price to pay for everything including 'having it on tap' which, btw isnt true esp after a couple of years. From a cost perspective I would be better off remaining single and paying for 'it' once is a while rather than getting married.

    Is marriage fun? Hell no, wife just nags and complains and once a kid comes along, your relationship is dead and you become two strangers living in the same house and you think about your exit strategy daily.

    • boonanza on 30/01/2015 - 22:33
      +24

      Maybe you should have returned to sender…

    • airzone on 30/01/2015 - 22:44
      +8

      Lol, I feel sorry for you dude. Mine stays at home, looks after kids, does cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, brings me beer. I just have to go to work and do a job I enjoy doing anyway.

      • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 12:09
        +6

        @airzone, was it an arranged marriage? Are you excited about coming home after work to see her? Genuinely curious.

        I'm married too.I married my best friend when I was 22, in spite of the concerns of parents and close friends. We both have very strong personalities , are stubborn and she likes to think she knows best. She doesn't, I do :) It's one of those so-called equal relationships, which means that sometime she has the upper hand and sometime I do. We also share the responsibilities of looking after the kids, shopping, cooking,laundry,paying bills ….etc Now that I think of it, we don't really have pre-defined roles in our marriage.

        We're celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this year and planning to have a huge party.We're going to invite all those nay-sayers and rub our very obvious happiness in their faces :b

        But if I hadn't had that serendipitous meeting with her on campus,11 years ago, I would have had an arrange marriage just because I used to be someone who was practical , sensible ,risk-averse. I thought 'love' was too frivolous an emotion to base a lifetime commitment on.The person I've married changed all of that.

        So really curious about what its like being in an arranged marriage.Its sounds very easy and peaceful. Do you guys ever have arguments?

        • airzone on 31/01/2015 - 13:17
          +2

          Nah, not arranged at all. Chance (or fate if you will) put us in the same place at the same time 13 years ago (and we were quite young then)… 10 year anniversary is coming in about 6 months.

          She is Malaysian Chinese and got a lot of criticism and jealousy about the relationship from her side.

          The domestic situation revolves mostly around economics.. The family is better off by having her at home looking after kids rather than have her work and sending them to childcare at a higher cost than her salary. My salary allows that, although I have to put in OT hours, travel, etc.

          I have some friends who have had arranged marriages. I don't see anything different other than the introduction. You only get out what you put in. One couple are quite in love, and have a few kids. Bear in mind that people do change over time.

        • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 16:02
          +1

          Mehow, that's terribly sad to hear.I gather it's the nagging you dislike compiled with everything else. I wish you all the best and keep your chin up. Just wondering, for my own sake should I be someone's wife one day, what are the virtues you would look for a girlfriend if you could do this all over again?

      • mehow on 02/02/2015 - 22:43

        lucky man.

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 07:40
      +3

      Wow that sucks. How long were you dating before you got engaged / married and were there any warning signs?

      I'm living with my gf, I actually resented moving in at first and things got pretty rocky (it's something she was pushing for when I liked the status quo) but more than a year later things couldn't be better between us

      I definitely wouldn't paint all Asian women with that brush though - yeah there're useless spoilt ones but they exist in every ethnicity and culture.

      • mehow on 02/02/2015 - 22:57
        +2

        2 years beforehand. Plenty of warning signs but I was in denial. She is a product of one child policy, China and the thought of sharing or thinking of others didn't even enter her consciousness. Added to this, she is from Shanghai which makes this worse. Shanghai women are notorious for being the most manipulative, controlling woman on the planet. As a man your expected to do everything, including looking after the kids, preparing meals, cleaning etc. Being a Caucasian dumb Aussie guy, I was seduced by her beauty and should have done my research beforehand. Now I'm paying the price.

        • [Deactivated] on 03/02/2015 - 12:20

          I had the same experience with my ex, although she is an Australian to German parents.
          Selfish to the core, none stop lies about even the most trivial things, always went through my phone, could never hang out with my female friends even if she was there.

          Unsurprisingly I found out she was on Tinder and kicked her to the kerb, she even took the half used toilet roll when she moved out. Couldn't share a breath of fresh air.

        • scrimshaw on 03/02/2015 - 12:44

          Be on the alert, bachelors, for princess syndrome

          http://brandontietz.com/five-signs-youre-dealing-with-prince…

    • Windows7forever on 31/01/2015 - 09:20
      +7

      If you married primarily for sex then that was your mistake.

      • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 11:37
        +2

        @wolfenator87, how did you choose/are planning to choose your future spouse? What qualities are you looking for?

        • Windows7forever on 02/02/2015 - 09:06
          +4

          A good person on the inside is the most important quality. Find someone that cares about you, respects you, admires you, loves being with you etc. If not then keep looking because you haven't find the right one yet. Women should praise their men too, it shouldn't be the man doing all the ass kissing.
          I have went hands over knees chasing some glamorous women and they just end up screwing you over and spending your money before leaving. I learnt to suss out people really quickly to find out if they are "playing you on" or are genuine.
          I'm really lucky to have found the right one this time(here's hoping). She never asks for money and is very grateful when I do nice things for her without any expectation. This in turn makes me want to keep her happy and continue to do nice things for her e.g. surprise her with a gift or buy dinner.

    • lenlynn on 31/01/2015 - 17:43
      +2

      Hmm thought a typical Asian female will do everything at home and expect the man to work and bring home the money. You got shortchanged!

      • airzone on 01/02/2015 - 18:41
        +3

        Google shanghai girl. You'll be in for a shock ;)

      • ProjectZero on 02/02/2015 - 11:57

        AHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry… most females in HK I've seen have princess sickness… Glad I live in Australia =)

      • mehow on 02/02/2015 - 23:01

        Ha! That's what I thought until I married one! You cant stereotype though. Some woman/people are great at keeping house and some are pigs. Has nothing to do of your ethnicity or gender.

        • lenlynn on 03/02/2015 - 15:11

          LOL. You didn't do your 'homework' (dating) before you married her?

    • T1OOO on 01/02/2015 - 18:47

      Hausa sorry Man U cheered me up with ur post/pain. ;)

      I'll stay single for ever. Got close once but nope never again.

      Cheers

    • onlyletters on 02/02/2015 - 13:12

      Perhaps 'communicate', a large percentage of marriage problems are because couples fail to communicate properly.

      If that fails seek professional help like counseling, if that fails then exit.

    • leiiv on 03/02/2015 - 00:17

      So what is the best exit strategy you have thought so far?

    • skywards on 03/02/2015 - 13:21

      Wow I wished my hubby did everything for me, instead of the other way around.

  • loulou1 on 30/01/2015 - 21:04
    +25

    I am better off financially with my husband for a number of reasons, not least of all is that I no longer go out nightclubbing as I am happier at home in his company, watching a movie or just hanging out. I am worse off financially being a parent, my little one (just started prep) refuses to go out and get a job and contribute to the household budget (but we will keep her anyway as she makes us laugh a million times a day). If your life's focus is solely money, you will never achieve the greatest richness of all (true happiness).
    I honestly believe I could be with my hubby and daughter, living pay check to pay check and still be completely happy.

    • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 13:14
      +1

      Nicely said.

      I wouldn't trade my kids for all the riches in the world.

  • Almost Banned on 30/01/2015 - 21:06
    +1

    I wasn't getting any milk - free or expensive - so not really an option (although the M-I-L did try to convince us to give it a try) and we are a (mostly) single income family but I still think marrying my wife was the smartest thing I ever did.

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 15:37
      +6

      although the M-I-L did try to convince us to give it a try

      Your MIL wanted you to go to prostitutes? …and here I thought that that kind of things only ever happened in my weird family.

      • Almost Banned on 01/02/2015 - 01:13

        Where did you get that from?
        No, my M-I-L wanted us to live together first…

        • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 01:23
          +5

          I must have misread your comment.Apologies.

        • T1OOO on 01/02/2015 - 18:49

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          How embarrassment ;)

  • Cheap Steve on 30/01/2015 - 23:45
    +13

    I am married 14 years and have heaps of savings because I rarely leave the house and spend all my time parenting.

    My single and childless friends have no savings because they are always travelling the world and eating out at fancy restaurants. What losers.

    • dandandan on 30/01/2015 - 23:56
      +7

      Your heading towards being one of the richest in the graveyard! someone else will enjoy spending your savings!!

      • Cheap Steve on 31/01/2015 - 06:46
        +5

        …so I will still be making my children happy even after I'm dead. If I don't get "Father of the Year" that year then I never will!

        • Windows7forever on 31/01/2015 - 09:21
          +7

          I hope your're still enjoying life and not sacrificing everything for your kids. When they become teenagers they can turn on you so quickly it's not funny.

        • what on 31/01/2015 - 21:49
          +11

          and stress you out, break your heart, call you names, stay out all night without calling, and the list goes on.

          … Then sometimes they love you and make your heart smile.

          I love the following story.

          Nails In The Fence
          Author Unknown

          There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

          The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

          Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

          The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

          The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."

          "Of course I can," said the father.

      • lenlynn on 31/01/2015 - 17:47
        +1

        When the kids are older he can use his savings for holidays or investment properties or help them with the downpayment for their houses too. I think it's smarter to save now then travel the world first.

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 01:05
      +4

      You have to remember that everyone has different objectives and pleasures in life.
      You never know, the single people you are talking about might be saying "One of my married friends never leaves the house or takes their kids anywhere. What a loser!"
      …But if you were just being sarcastic, my bad……

      • Cheap Steve on 31/01/2015 - 06:56
        +8

        My single friends are too busy having sex with strangers and posting their restaurant meals on Facebook to give me a seconds thought.

        • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 18:17
          +1

          I had 2 friends like that too, and I got so bored of it, but I'm single too! It all comes down to personality and if they are friendly rather than marital status.

        • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2015 - 17:07

          up until this post i honestly thought you were being sarcastic in OP.

          losers travelling the world experiencing new cultures and great food.. does not compute

    • HN Professional on 31/01/2015 - 02:37

      :-) You should do stand-up, then land a deal ala "Everybody Loves Raymond". I would buy your boxset while you moan all the way to the bank.

  • GnarlyKnuckles on 31/01/2015 - 00:51
    +2

    Money aside, what price health? It's been conclusively proven that getting married is good for your health.

    • scrimshaw on 31/01/2015 - 01:00
      +2

      married people tend to live longer, as they partake in more physical activities, and are less prone to dementia as they have more mental stimulation than those who are not cohabitating with a partner.

      However, the correlation between marriage and average lifespan can be positively skewed because you also have to consider that unhealthy or unfit people are less likely to attract mates, so there there may exist a little bit of selection bias as well.

      However, married people also tend to let themselves go abit — after all, after you're married you're probably no longer bother by how much you weigh because you're no longer concerned with body image:

      Marriage also increases obesity rates. Getting married raises the risk of a woman becoming overweight by 3.9 percentage points compared to peers who did not marry, and marriage increases her risk of obesity by 1.4 percentage points. The effect is more pronounced for men. Married men see a 6.1 percentage point rise in the risk of becoming overweight and a 3.3 percentage point increase in the risk of obesity.

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 17:52
      +10

      According to a mate who's been married for 15 years,

      married men may live longer than single men….but married men are a lot more willing to die.

  • Davo1111 on 31/01/2015 - 05:58
    +3

    is marriage a bargain? yes, provided you stay together.

  • Cheap Steve on 31/01/2015 - 06:31

    Gina Reinhart reckons it is…."I used to keep the house, and now I keep the house".

    • GnarlyKnuckles on 31/01/2015 - 12:10
      +8

      Erm… I suspect you may be referring to Rose Porteous?

      I guarantee you, Gina Rinehart has never 'kept house' in her life!

      • parisienne on 31/01/2015 - 14:17

        Amen to that GnarlyKnuckles…..i would bet her mines that she has never,and will never "keep house".Whatever did happen to Rose ? I wonder if she is quietly seething whilst keeping house back in the Phillipines ?

        • GnarlyKnuckles on 31/01/2015 - 14:40

          Quite the contrary paris. She got tens of millions, following the death of her husband; despite a will he left stating that she should only receive a very small amount. She essentially contested the will, very successfully, much to the chagrin of Gina no doubt. Rose lives the high-life, here in Australia.

        • lenlynn on 31/01/2015 - 17:51

          @GnarlyKnuckles: Yeah she was over here in Perth, Claremont, one of our richest suburbs but not sure if she is still here. She just keeps marrying rich men

        • parisienne on 02/02/2015 - 16:05

          @GnarlyKnuckles: Damn.You know,i had in the back of my mind that is what had happened (just thought that Lang's will would have been watertight (and that Gina would have used her megabucks to fight back…seems i was wrong there).

  • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 07:50
    +11

    "why buy an entire pig, just to get a little sausage?"

    LOL I have never heard this phrase, but it's hilarious.

    a little sausage. wat. hahah

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 12:15

      Does that mean you don't agree? :b What are you views on marriage, Ms Turnip?

      • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 15:42
        +4

        I'm not sure what my views are lol.

        Deep down I'm a hopeless old romantic. Idealistic. I want to fall in love with the right person and have that incredible connection that lasts forever, with marriage simply being a natural step in the development of our relationship. It'd be such a wonderful relationship that we'd never even have to question the marriage in hindsight. How could you ever put a price on that, and question it's bargain-ness? lol :P (gross, right, how Disney).

        In reality I am cynical. Grew up surrounded by broken families, miserable bitter people, unhappy singletons, cheaters, etc. So what are my real views on marriage? Right now I don't ever really want to get married. I don't have high hopes of it ever panning out as wonderfully as the aforementioned fantasy, and I'd only be in it purely for the love and emotional security rather than for logistical/financial/practical reasons… so it doesn't leave me with much hope or motivation :P

        (I'm not sure if my post is making any sense… soz!)

        • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 16:25
          +8

          @turnip, there's no such thing as the perfect love or the perfect lover.

          Bob Marley has described the man of your dreams much better than I could :b So here goes :

          He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyse. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

          Keep an eye out for him ;)

  • Windows7forever on 31/01/2015 - 09:24
    +4

    If she is a gold digger then the "bargain" aspect goes completely out of the marriage equation. Caveat Emptor.

  • djones145 on 31/01/2015 - 11:15

    get married, have kids, agree to divorce
    split assets
    collect govt benefits
    get tax benefits

    see this a bit

  • Mumbles on 31/01/2015 - 12:54
    +4

    LOL. Marriage isn't a bargain. Admittedly, I'm happily single.

    1) 50% of marriages end in divorce. Try telling yourself you have the best bargain of your life when your ex-partner hires a lawyer and takes half the house, half the assets, half the superannuation. They take the kids, the pet and the ongoing child support. How is losing a bargain?

    2) People forget the "opportunity costs". Life is about living. Individuals can and should develop themselves. Everybody knows somebody who missed further opportunities to develop their education, profession and social relationships.

    Travel and overseas jobs are a no no. Long distance relationships are no go.

    You can lose relatives + friends, never to be seen again. However you gain nagging and intrusive inlaws. Bargain!

    There are more guys than not who've given up their passions. Eg. pressured to sell their motorcycle, snowboard, scuba diving gear.

    Reminds me of the saying: "A man marries a woman wishing that she never changes but she does. A woman marries a man hoping he will change but he doesn't".

    • Davo1111 on 31/01/2015 - 14:38
      +3

      2) People forget the "opportunity costs"

      There are opportunity costs of getting married too, you spend the rest of your life with someone you love. You give the gift of life through kids etc etc. If there weren't some positives of marriage, then people wouldn't get married.

      • murkywater on 31/01/2015 - 18:10
        +5

        Those aren't opportunity costs, they're benefits…

    • lenlynn on 31/01/2015 - 18:03

      Well I think some are glad to give up their passions and possessions. When you find someone you love everything changes. I gave up things that are considered 'dangerous' because if there was a motorbike accident and i end up with a spinal injury, brain damage or die, he would be alone or has to take care of me forever. He didn't actually force me to but when I considered the risks, it just didn't feel worth it to me anymore now I have something more to live for and a lifetime ahead.

      For non-dangerous stuff that we had to giveoup due to the costs involved, I see it as sacrificing for greater happiness ahead. E.g. give up costly hobbies to afford a house together, having children or a holiday together.

      Ultimately it's finding a compatible reasonable person with hopefully reasonable family members, and changing together.

      and is it really 50%?! That's really high!

      • Mumbles on 31/01/2015 - 19:55
        +2

        Unfortunately yes. The statistics are really high that a marriage will not survive until the death of the partner. (The below is for marriages. Chances for a Defacto relationship are even worse)

        Here's a graph from the Australian Government's Australian Institute of Family Studies (1980 - 2011):
        http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/factssheets/2013/famil…

        The median time before separation is 8.7 years, divorce occurs at 12.3 years:
        http://www.news.com.au/national/average-length-of-time-from-…

        UK and USA have similar trends:
        http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-…

        Probably best to skip the below links unless you are a statistician:
        https://www3.aifs.gov.au/cfca/2014/11/26/marriages-and-divor…
        http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/[email protected]/mf/3310.0?OpenDocume…

        • lenlynn on 01/02/2015 - 10:26

          Ooh thanks for the links Mumbles. Interesting morning reading.
          In figure 7 for the AIFS factssheet, they show that less than 20 in 1,000 married people for every age group divorce, except for females aged below 25yrs (20.8, 2.08%) in 2011. Can't find the 50% figure?

          Then i thought maybe you were comparing number of new divorces to number of new marriages, but that figure was only about 35% for 2013 and it seems statistically wrong to compare it like that anyway?

        • Mumbles on 01/02/2015 - 13:32
          +1

          @lenlynn:
          No problems. It was an interesting read for me too.

          If there are any researchers or statisticians please feel free to weigh in or help communicate things a bit better.

          Figure 7 from the AIFS facts sheet is limited to one year (ie. 2011).
          Its data comes from the ABS.
          The ABS definition of "Age-specific divorce rates Per 1,000 married population" can be found in the Glossary of 3310.0 >Explanatory Notes

          If you want to use Figure 7 (from 2011) to help calculate a "life time" divorce rate then you need a bunch of Figure 7's for every past year too (eg. Figure 7 from 2010 + 2009 + 2008…).

          Lets assume that Figure 7 from 2011 is identical for all the previous years.

          I'm not very good with my written communication so I'll try using an example.
          Question: "What's the chance of my 34yr old male coworker having been divorced?"

          The data in Figure 7:
          - 16 to 24 years (<25) = 17.6 per year
          - 25 to 29 years = 18.2 per year
          - 30 to 34 years = 16.5 per year

          The confusing part is that humans don't age directly from 16=>25=>34. You have to add up all the years in between if you were to calculate a persons multi-year life/marriage.

          To calculate the numbers, it is
          sum of [16 to 24 years] + [25 to 29 years] + [30 to 24 years]
          = [17.6 x 9 years] + [18.2 x 5 years] + [16.5 x 5 years]
          = 158.4 + 91 + 82.5
          = 331.9 out of 1000 people. (~33.2%).

          Anywayz, that's how I best interpret Figure 7 if you wanted to use its numbers.

        • lenlynn on 01/02/2015 - 14:26
          +1

          @Mumbles: oh I get what you mean, calculating for lifetime %! I was thinking at any point in one's life then.
          And the figure you got is similar to the % of no of divorces to no of marriages in a year.
          Ahah I'm ashamed to say my uni major back then was statistics. Yup not too sure how I graduated too. :/

        • Mumbles on 02/02/2015 - 14:04
          +1

          @lenlynn:
          No need to beat yourself up. It was a massive headache trying to understand the terminology, frames of reference and interpreting their data.

          LOL. I think most of us are in the same boat. I've friends who were scholarship students doing Honours and most of them can't remember a thing from their first year of uni. Thanks for your refreshing honesty.

        • lenlynn on 03/02/2015 - 15:13

          @Mumbles: Prob not from the last year of uni too? LOL

    • iridiumstem on 31/01/2015 - 20:10
      +2

      I think you are overlooking the opportunity cost of not marrying in your argument. One of Erikson's psychosocial stages is "Generativity vs Stagnation" called. Basically, people in their middle adulthood face the question of what can last them even after their death, which drives people to try to leave something behind, i.e. by raising children or trying to contribute to positively changing the society. I am not saying that this is the sole explanation or only model available, but I think it sort of shows a point I want to raise; Being single can force you to forgo one of the options that you could've had, if you chose to marry someone.

      That being said, I respect your decisions on being single and I think there is nothing wrong with it. Just like how I believe there is nothing wrong with a person deciding to marry someone.

      In terms of what JJB asked, I guess so if you find "the one" who is meant for you. If not, then you'd probably end up losing more than what you have bargained for.

      • [Deactivated] on 01/02/2015 - 11:20
        +1

        @AznMitch, your comment about finding 'The One' , reminded me of this:
        What happens after disney princesses after their happily ever after

        • iridiumstem on 01/02/2015 - 15:49
          +3

          Your comment reminds me of this image…
          Basically it says that girls want their "prince charming" and guys want their "insatiable whores", because of the media.

          I personally think that if you go into marriage expecting those… I don't think it's going to end well.

  • AussieDolphin on 31/01/2015 - 14:23

    Yes it can be a bargain provided both parties stay together. Sadly this is not always the case and when I got married it never crossed my mind that I would have my heartbroken more than once.

    • [Deactivated] on 31/01/2015 - 15:40

      my heartbroken more than once

      by the same person?

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