Wedding Present/s for Friends

[Deactivated] on 17/05/2015 - 20:19
Last edited 19/05/2015 - 20:54

EDIT We've decided that we're going to give them money instead of an actual gift. The bride is half-chinese and I understand that it is not uncommon for chinese couples to receive money in a red envelop as wedding presents.

We can't agree on what would be a fair amount.My upper limit is $400 , hubby's is $1000. What would be an appropriate amount pls? I was told that a lucky amount to give for a wedding is $686? Is that correct? Is it the only lucky number?

We are also not going to attend the actual wedding ceremony. We are instead going to a dinner party in the father-in-law's backyard. There will be entertainment( music?) and a catered dinner.

Thanks:)

Hi :)

My friend:
I met her on my way back from uni. We used to take the same train and get off at the same station. We soon realised that we didn't leave that far from each other and started carpooling for the rest of the semester. She's nice. I like her.

His friend:
My husband has known his friend for almost 2 years. They work together. They get along but rarely do anything outside of work together.

The meeting:
One day, as I was driving hubby's car, hubby's friend saw the car.Thinking it was my husband who was driving, he pulled over. He saw me instead… and then he saw my friend. Their eyes crossed and it was Love!

They are getting married next month and we are invited, of course. However my understanding is that as I am a friend of the bride and hubby is a friend of the groom, they expect us to get them 2 gifts: one from each of us. They also expect the gifts to be expensive ones as we are now, according to them, the best of friends. We are not. Their meeting was serendipitous and had nothing to do with me. I don't see why our relationship has to change or why they constantly expect us to go on double-dates and even less why they expect us to give them 2 expensive wedding presents.

What is ozb take on this? 1 reasonably-prized gift or 2 expensive ones?

TL;DR : Hubby's colleague and an acquaintance/friend of mine are getting married and they expect 2 presents from us : 1 from hubby and 1 from me.

Poll Options

  • 9
    You've already given them the greatest gift of all: each other! No more.
  • 5
    Stop being a tight arse and celebrate love. Get them 2 presents.
  • 174
    One gift is fine. Why spend more money than you have to?
General Discussion

Comments

  • itchyscratchy on 19/05/2015 - 22:42
    +1

    $1000 is too much, esp if you don't like them that much. Since click frenzy is on, plus a few Amex offers are available at the moment, see what you can find. The most I've given was $150 (single person) for a reception at The Quay, in Sydney.

    • richmond12 on 20/05/2015 - 09:24

      The Qauy? wow that would have cost them a lot!

      150-200 is the norm these days, so upper limit of that range would have been approiate for this venue

  • cantoangel on 19/05/2015 - 23:59
    +1

    My friends had their wedding at Doltone House (since somebody here mentioned it) and yeah it's the more pricier reception. I gave them 150. My rule of thumb is around 150 but I know couples do give 200. 1000 is too much.

  • Tnetennba on 20/05/2015 - 04:22

    Sounds like they're trying to use you as another guest to give them $$$ or overpriced garbage… Especially considering they told you what they wanted. I'd tell them to invite someone else if someone did that to me!

  • KaTst3R on 20/05/2015 - 14:24
    +2

    So where and when is the wedding held? Seems like the Ozbargain community is so involved in deciding what gifts the OP should bring, Im sure we all can pop by for a congrats and a beer. Being the tight arse we are, the couple shouldnt expect any gift from us of course. LOL !

    And by the way, if you intend to give $688, I rather you buy the $375 lamp instead and say it is from "us". I will only give more than $500 if that is my close childhood buddy or family members. $688 is too much for just a "friend"…

    • cuteseal on 20/05/2015 - 15:39
      +3

      Would be funny if she got 30 lamps because it was the cheapest item on the registry….

    • KaTst3R on 20/05/2015 - 15:39
      +1

      Edit: I just saw your comment on not going to the main wedding. I think since u aren't on the "VIP" list despite being the match maker, you should seriously consider how much this friendship is worth…not to make any harsh judgement, but the couple appears to be really greedy. They are forgeting that fact that without you and your hubby, there wouldn't be any wedding celebration…They should at least give you some recognition for that.

      I matched make my high school pal and my uni friend. They are getting married at the end of this year. At least they are grateful that I made it possible for them.

      • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2015 - 18:20
        +1

        To be fair, we were invited to the main wedding but we decided not to go.

        • KaTst3R on 20/05/2015 - 22:49
          +1

          I see…well u know best anyway regarding what to do…

        • Nynaeve on 21/05/2015 - 07:38
          +2

          The way I see it, you are not going to the wedding, you don't need to give a wedding gift. You are going to a (hopefully) nice dinner in someones backyard. Is it likely that the dinner will be catered and cost around $100 p/h? Given that your husband works with the groom (etc), you feel you should give them something/cash to the tune of $400. This is generous of you, $1000 is excessive. They are not actually close friends and it does seem as though you are being coerced into this situation ie: 2 expensive presents. Think about what kind of friendship you will have with these people if you do or don't do as they want and then decide.
          In my opinion their friendship will cost you a lot in the long run and not much return.

  • 2big4u on 20/05/2015 - 15:02
    +1

    LOL…In some cultures it is the opposite way around
    My friend Was invited to a wedding in India where the guest were each handed a BRAND NEW MERCEDES-Benz…

    • KaTst3R on 20/05/2015 - 15:44

      Was the groom the son of the chairman of Tata Group? dayummmm….

      • [Deactivated] on 21/05/2015 - 00:21

        Then it would be Tata, not Merc

    • jdf on 20/05/2015 - 17:04
      +1

      I don't know about a Merc. but a friend of mine just travelled to India for a wedding as she and the bride were schoolmates. The bride's family paid for the tickets for my friend and her partner to the wedding, put them up at a 5 star hotel and paid for them to spend a week travelling to the tourist destinations.

      • Banana on 21/05/2015 - 10:41
        +1

        That's crazy! Wish I knew some Indian friends…

      • lenlynn on 21/05/2015 - 22:30

        Wow. And here we am thinking IF we should pay for part of our friends' accommodation if they come to our wedding in Australia.

  • JimB on 20/05/2015 - 16:41
    +1

    Back yard dinner party- $300 is more than sufficient.

    I should have invited more people like you to my wedding, would have made a killing!

  • bluedufflecoat on 20/05/2015 - 17:29
    +3

    There is no one lucky number… If your upper limit is $400, I would suggest $388?

    3 I think sounds like life…
    6 is for happiness…
    And 8 is for prosperity.

    • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2015 - 18:22
      +1

      So you would actually include a couple of coins in the packet? or do you ask for change when you hand over the 'gift' ? :p

      • bluedufflecoat on 20/05/2015 - 18:39
        +2

        Coins. Tape it down on a hard piece of card? I have red packets if you want me to send you some?

        • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2015 - 22:11
          +1

          Thanks amelyn. That's very kind of you:) But we still have 2 of these. Could we use them as wedding packets?

        • bluedufflecoat on 21/05/2015 - 05:03
          +5

          @wicket1120: I think they will do just fine! Very pretty.

        • [Deactivated] on 21/05/2015 - 07:32

          @amelyn: Thanks :)

        • bluedufflecoat on 21/05/2015 - 08:33

          @Nick Larson: did you design them?

        • [Deactivated] on 21/05/2015 - 08:46
          +1

          @amelyn: All will be revealed soon, Amelyn ;-)

        • bluedufflecoat on 21/05/2015 - 09:41

          @Nick Larson you promise? You've just made me intrigued.

        • purplelady on 21/05/2015 - 14:10
          +1

          @wicket1120:

          yeah that's very pretty! and yes, put the coins in. It's normal.

        • lenlynn on 21/05/2015 - 22:33
          +1

          @wicket1120: wow so pretty! Where did you get them from? Particularly apt cos of the butterfly. Symbolises love and the story of the famous butterfly lovers.

        • [Deactivated] on 21/05/2015 - 22:37
          +1

          @amelyn: The cards were designed by Dianne Tan.

        • bluedufflecoat on 22/05/2015 - 04:03

          @Jar Jar Binks: you changed your name? How'd you do that?

        • garmibear on 22/05/2015 - 09:06

          @wicket1120: Thanks for sharing where you got it from =D the envelope is so pretty it looks like a clutch lols!!!

          oh, she's only shipping in the US for now :(

        • cantoangel on 22/05/2015 - 22:53

          @wicket1120: Aw man even I think they're too pretty for this couple!!!

  • MITM on 20/05/2015 - 18:44
    +1

    My standard wedding gift is a large silver photo frame.
    Not usually duplicated as a gift, but even if it was, you can never have enough photo frames.
    Chances are they'll put their favourite wedding photo in it and look at it for years to come.

    But seeing you're just going to a backyard Barbie, just take your drinks.

  • ankor on 20/05/2015 - 19:51
    +2

    Unless they are catering and serving effin pandas at this backyard dinner, then the upper limit of your lucky money should be $444.44.

    • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2015 - 22:13

      Serious question , would a chinese ozbargainer refuse to take an evelope containing $444.44 ?

      • WillKillfor5Cents on 20/05/2015 - 23:34
        +3

        I'll take them and donate 111.11 to a charity of my choice (tax deductable). So I will be left with 333.33, plenty of life there !!! #winning

        • purplelady on 21/05/2015 - 14:11

          lol, I don't know whether to guess you're a chinese or not lol

      • ankor on 21/05/2015 - 07:15
        +3

        Depends on just how Chinese they are. I'm an "ABC", so I'd still take the money but all my aunts and uncles would be offended by the slight because they're superstitious.

  • wikiwiki on 20/05/2015 - 23:45

    Overseas wedding??
    I myself am having an overseas wedding.
    I have been to quite a few oversea weddings also.
    Personally, I don't expect a gift at all from any guest. Their company and willing to travel the distance to my wedding is more than enough.
    The weddings I've been to, we bought a small gift like a Vera Wang photo frame which are approx <$200.
    You don't need either of these two in your life.
    I say, go somewhere nice during the "bbq party" (or bring a box of chocolate)… And tell them you can't afford to go overseas.. Which also explains why you can't afford a $500 side table.

  • itchyscratchy on 21/05/2015 - 08:10
    +1

    Actually, if you have the chance to distance yourselves from them now, it will save you loads of money down the track….imagine the process of them having baby showers, kids' birthday parties (these days 1st birthday parties are so fancy already)….they might expect a Tiffany's baby rattle or something ridiculous….and seriously, babies don't remember their 1st bday party, it's for the adults….

  • webtonmoy on 21/05/2015 - 10:22
    +1

    All these discussions really surprised me.

    I can understand that some people may have some expectations about wedding gifts. I know a few cases where there were such discussions among the family members, but I have never heard of explicit expectations from friends!!

    Personally, I do not think this friendship is worth to you.

  • ProjectZero on 21/05/2015 - 15:15

    Hey wicket, I'll get you out of this quite cheaply… here is a list of good numbers that I know of

    13 - something along the lines of "to give birth"
    163 - something the boogans do alot… "continually give birth"
    168 - "continually get rich"

    alternatively… you can tell them to shove it by giving

    4 - die

    actually pretty much any number you can think of with 4 in it…

  • sachz on 21/05/2015 - 15:58
    +1

    In some cultures it is also expected that the new couple would buy their match maker a really expensive gift!

    Did you raise this with them!?

    Are they also offering a DOWRY to the parents as well!, or are they cutting this corner too.

    https://www.google.com.au/search?q=wiki+dowry&oq=wiki+dowry&…

  • tikei on 22/05/2015 - 18:04

    People typically pay ~$200 per person to cover the reception costs. Since you'll be going to a backyard party you don't need to pay that much.

  • umamandy on 22/05/2015 - 20:28
    +1

    Wiki, if the bride's half-Chinese, DON'T give them $400. I doubt the bride herself will care, but the family will kill you if they find out. 4 is hella unlucky because it sounds like the word 'death'. So anything with 4 in it is like 'go die kthnx'.

    $888 is probably the best one, but that's steep. The word for hundred sounds like 'white', and there's blessing given at weddings which is 'wishing you stay together until your hair turns white'. So I mean, $600 is a nice number. But $688 beats it by far in terms of what looks good.

    • tikei on 22/05/2015 - 21:34
      +1

      I'm Chinese and that's the first time I hear 8 being correlated to white. When people give things with 8's, it usually stands for 'fa' - "fortune".
      $333 seems like a better number :p "Live", "to give life", and it's a fair amount to give.

      • umamandy on 22/05/2015 - 22:03

        I said 'hundred'. ;)

        • tikei on 22/05/2015 - 23:07
          +2

          Oops yes you did :)
          Still, I think $600+ is too much for an acquaintance/colleague's wedding that they're not even attending.

  • Sweet Potatoes on 23/05/2015 - 07:51

    How ridiculous, seems like the friendship is conditional to you spending a crazy amount of money on them. It really doesn't sit well with me! I would buy them a nice, thoughtful gift around $50 personally. A frame or a plate or something like that. Either they like you as you are and as you want to be - or what is the point of the 'friendship'??

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