Finding A Direction In Life...

ladolcevita on 22/11/2018 - 09:34
Last edited 22/11/2018 - 09:59 by 1 other user

Hi everyone, can someone please give me some advice on how to find direction in life. I feel lost, unmotivated and currently unhappy.

I'm usually the type that can pick myself up but this time round I feel like I'm stuck in a rut or going through a mid life crisis!

I am 40 years old, own no home, dont have alot of savings, no kids and not married. Currently in a relationship but don't feel supported or encouraged and probably has no understanding how I'm feeling.

Currently not working but have been appyling for jobs in retail, admin and call centres.

Was thinking of completing a Cert III in Individual Support and become a Home Carer. Not all passionate about it but then I think in life you have to do some things you don't like doing. I figured I'm more likely to get a job in the future.

I don't have many friends due to me shutting people off when I don't feel my best or cancelling catch-ups. That's my fault.

The other issue is I need more positive people in my life. People I can look up to or successful role models. My partner is fairly negative and its always me boosting him up. It gets tiring!

Should I try and find a life coach? Maybe that might help me? I don't know what to do arghh. I feel like a loser..a no one someone that could have done something with her life..but due to not believing in herself has made wrong choices in love and career.

Appreciate any advice and thank you for reading.

A

Education & Work

Comments

  • altomic on 22/11/2018 - 09:53
    +2

    I feel like a looser

    *loser

    seriously,

    action is the key.

    excellent idea with the course.

    it is definitely a starting point.

    if you don't change your position then nobody is going to change it for you.

    and it is very easy to change your own position.

    especially by doing something and doing it with the view to completing it - which you will do because it's easy to complete something…by doing it.

    I think it is great that you can see and acknowledge that you are dissatisfied with where your life is. many people don't see that and live their entire lives dissatisfied.

    it's a good counter point when considering your future choices.

    e.g. is studying going to remove me from a life of dissatisfaction? yes, then I should study
    would eating an entire bucket of KFC remove me from a life of dissatisfaction? no, don't eat it.
    would exercising assist in removing me from a life of dissatisfaction? yes, I'll feel fitter and more motivated. I'll look better and feel better about myself.

    etc

    Action

    • DarthAntz on 22/11/2018 - 13:59
      +1

      This. Sounds like youre trying to be someone else, which is why you feel that way. being indecisive and not knowing is another sign. As is blaming your age and current position in life. you dont need to be like anyone else, and already youve written in your description what you need to do.
      save money
      get some study
      get a good role model
      find a job you enjoy
      get some friends

      you can start with motivational videos on youtube (the easiest method) but you need to write down and make a list. put pen to paper. everyday read your goals and tick them off as you accomplish them. take note of your distractions, positives and negatives in your day, and gravitate towards the positives.
      dont blame others, just yourself. if youve got the initiative to post this, youve got the initiative to move on and improve yourself

    • ladolcevita on 28/11/2018 - 07:41

      This really hit home..the word you mentioned of taking action. I was feeling sorry for myself and when i read your comment I thought to my self i have to change things. I went to the gym that day and started looking at courses. TAFE Australia are offering free courses so I had a look at those options as well. Thank you for your help. It might not seem like much but in that moment you just feel helpless..so thanks heaps!

  • boomramada on 22/11/2018 - 09:57
    +1

    Start with love your self first, perhaps some sort of distraction or routine such as gym or work out. Start from there :)

    • ladolcevita on 28/11/2018 - 07:43

      I certainly do have to work on loving myself..i dont..and dont think that I'm worthy of great. The gym i have started up again and i feel better. Thanks for your comment :)

  • purplelady on 22/11/2018 - 10:02
    +5

    I don't have many friends due to me shutting people off when I don't feel my best or cancelling catch up's. That's my fault. -> It sounds like you're going into depression. Maybe try call beyond blue or something like that so you can talk it out?

    • dcep on 22/11/2018 - 18:06
      +2

      guess i'm in depression for my entire life

      • magic8ballgag on 23/11/2018 - 09:20

        That's quite possible, maybe you should chat to someone.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/11/2018 - 04:05
      +4

      This. It's depression.

      OP - please see a good GP and get some help.

    • ladolcevita on 28/11/2018 - 07:45

      I have been doing this for years and just move on..never thought it is depression just thought it was more a personality trait.

      • purplelady on 28/11/2018 - 09:04
        +1

        Depends. If you were okay having friends and suddenly you shut them off, then that triggers an alarm. My dad was not really outgoing, but he didn't mind meeting and talking to people. Then suddenly, he shut people off, just like OP described.

        It would be different case if you were an introvert to begin with and can find things to entertain yourself.

  • BargainCowboy on 22/11/2018 - 10:03
    +6

    Don't rely on internet strangers to alleviate your negative emotions - seek professional help.
    On a side note, try and look at the glass as half full - you have many opportunities that others can only dream about. I know it doesn't look like much now, but hopefully you'll appreciate it in the long run. You're still relatively young and can turn your life around if you wish.

  • Quantumcat on 22/11/2018 - 11:01
    +7

    See a counsellor/psychologist. You can get referred by a GP and get a number of sessions free with Medicare (ozbargain win!)

    Key is to find something you're passionate about and pursue that. Did you have any dramas of what you wanted to do when you grew up, as a kid?

    • HighAndDry on 22/11/2018 - 13:04
      +3

      Key is to find something you're passionate about and pursue that.

      This gets bandied around a lot and in beginning to think it may not be true. The key might instead be the other way around - find something, anything, productive to do and from that, build up a sense of self worth and self esteem.

    • Quantumcat on 22/11/2018 - 13:53

      Oops, dreams*

  • EightImmortals on 22/11/2018 - 11:10
    +2

    As stated by other posters professional counselling/lifeline might be worth a call but it depends on what's really going on and that can take a lot digging around and hard self-confrontation and you are the ONLY one who can do that. Maybe with help from others of course, none of us have all the answers and one of the first steps to moving forwards is to reach out in some way. I guess that's what your post is about. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat but for now I'll just leave you with this.

    Your best self doesn't lie ahead of you in time, it lies above you, right now. All you have to do is reach up and grab hold of it. :)

    All the best.

  • garetz on 22/11/2018 - 11:41
    +1

    Read jordan petersons book.

  • kendoggs on 22/11/2018 - 12:23
    +2

    Was in a similar position to you a couple of months ago, where I lived day to day feeling horrible with no real motivation to do anything after seeing waves and waves of rejection letters. In hindsight, I don't think I was too attractive to any prospective employers for the roles I wanted. Out of embarrassment at times, I rejected social events because I was afraid of people asking what I've been up to the last couple of months. Being a bit of an extrovert, I needed a degree of social interaction to keep me going my social isolation sent me down a negative spiral.

    That's when I discovered the loving comfort of being in a pyramid scheme…
    Fortunately, I didn't end up going down that route, though I had a decent number of people approach me about it.

    Honestly, I happened to luck it out a bit and start in a full-time role with some great people. But a lot of it came down to really putting myself out there and just showing that you're earnest and willing to put in the hard hours to get the job done. Being quite horrible at written communication I found it was best to just bite the bullet and approach businesses/people directly. Don't expect the greatest pay, but in my position, any money was better than no money.

    As for dealing with negativity, I found that I needed to work on my own long-term happiness and that a lot of it won't appear overnight. For me, a lot of it came down to hanging out with the friends that I enjoy hanging out with more and trying various hobbies to see what I like.

    Hope some of this helps and I know it'll be a bit of a struggle, but I'm confident you can pull through.

    Feel free to pop over some PM's if you've got any more questions and I'll get back to you when I can.

  • [Deactivated] on 22/11/2018 - 12:54

    your partner sounds like a bit of a dick, is he at least thor level hot? if not you might want to get an upgraded model

    • HighAndDry on 22/11/2018 - 13:05

      Not to be blunt, but did you read OP's post?

      • [Deactivated] on 22/11/2018 - 13:06

        yeah, she said her partner isn't supportive and is always negative. she's the one boosting him up and she need someone to do it for her.

        • HighAndDry on 22/11/2018 - 13:06

          Yeah but did you read what she brings to the table?

  • iforgotmysocks on 22/11/2018 - 13:27
    +1

    I find Google maps helpful for directions

  • Fier2 on 22/11/2018 - 14:12
    +2

    1.Look at the positive side of your life: you're 40 and healthy.so that mean nothing is really out of reach for you. Don t think about negative things but see it as positive.

    You don t own a house, but still have roof on your head.
    You don t have kids, so you can enjoy your life without being worry it would impact someone else life.
    Your partner don t support you emotionnally. Well, most man are introverted. Have you try to talk to him first? Have you tried to just stand in front of him and say:"i need your attention! ( believe me sometimes it just need a little push to get what you want from your other half) But if you still think it doesn t go no where and make you feel low and unsupported then just "kick him out" of your life.
    You feel like you don t know what you really want to do for work… well, take a break, do some voluntarism in the community, try as many job you can to see what you really enjoy and think that age again is just a number. Life is about experience, you will succeed or failed. But you will get back on your feet to find what 's right for you.
    You feel isolated because you feel ashamed to see others and talking about your life. Thats wrong! Because nothing is wrong with you. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautifull and you will take life the way it comes. Go out, talk to people, talk about your up and low and see who will be there to listen and who will turn their back then you will know with who you can hang out or not. And when you are ready have a little tchat with your gp.

    Everyone will go through a "mid-age" crisis but looking at the brighter side of life is so much better.

    Hope you will feel better soon and turn your thoughts around! Good luck!

  • [Deactivated] on 23/11/2018 - 08:28

    Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react.

  • Lastchancetosee on 23/11/2018 - 10:00
    +1

    Firstly, well done for having the courage to take stock and consider the possibility of a better life. Many of us have had periods where we felt things were hopeless and that nothing could change, but learnt that small changes over time can make big changes long term. Good to hear that you are healthy in your body; now to take care of the health of your mind. A good place to start is with a visit to the doctor to see you are experiencing any mental health issues that could be managed with counselling and/or medication. Now, consider reading The Barefoot Investor to get some basic strategies to help take control of your financial situation. It's never too late, and you are young enough to create a strong financial future. Finally, to echo what others have suggested, get involved in something purposeful, where you can make a positive contribution. It could be a community garden, sports club, charity, local council volunteer, something you think you would be interested in. Start small, and see where it leads. All the best to you.

  • the Unforgiven on 23/11/2018 - 13:18
    -1

    join the Australian armed forces

  • savage bargain on 24/11/2018 - 05:09
    +1

    As someone who's had depression since 16 (runs in the family), a lot of how you've described how you feel sounds the same as when my symptoms when it's time for me to have a chat/get a revision to my management plan.

    You've had a lot of stressors, so even if it's not depression, it sounds like you could do with a chat. A lot of focus goes on physical health; there's nothing wrong with chatting to someone about the frustrations you face as a preventative health measure too.

    And if it's depression, it's definitely something that can be managed. After trialing a few types of meds to identify ones that suit me and getting some good behavioural focused techniques in place, I've been stable for well over a decade; I feel normal. I still remember the first time it hit me, the feeling of it being well managed. Like "wow, so this is how normal people feel…" I'm even in a high-stress job and thrive under some TV-worthy conditions due to the excellent techniques I've learnt over the years.

    Chat to a GP about a mental health plan and mention as your between jobs so ask to be referred to someone that bulk bills. If you're not happy with who you're referred to, feel free to go back and ask for a referral to someone else. Like with many things, there isn't an one-size-fits-all approach, and you should chat to someone you mesh with. Also feel free to call Lifeline if you ever feel the need; they are for any ad-hoc counselling, anytime of day or night. Just be prepared for a bit of a wait - they had funding cuts which increased wait times but they do still have excellent counsellors.

    There's also excellent resources on the Beyond Blue site.

  • ozbjunkie on 24/11/2018 - 07:53

    What do you enjoy doing? Do you do it often?

    Do you not like the way you spend your time, or do you simply have the idea that what you do with your time, despite being enjoyable, is intimately "not enough'?

    Answering that question might help you with the next step. If you like your life, work out why you feel it's not good enough.

    If you don't like what you do, find something you like, preferably that's good for you, and do heaps of that.

    If you can't answer, then just do something, anything, as others have said above. Nothing changes unless you start to change it.

  • Icecold5000 on 28/11/2018 - 21:18

    You don't even know what you want for a start. How are you even meant to know which direction you need to go to achieve a goal which doesn't exist?

  • kenchan12311997 on 04/12/2018 - 18:13

    Australia is a country where no people would be "no food", so, what's your first target want? for example, t rent an small apartment etc, then, base on that small first target to seek for any job or parttime or sk the community office of the mayors to get their help.

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