Recommend Books for New Parents / First Time Parents / Newborn

MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 14:59

Hello All,

Expecting our first child in 6 weeks and I'd like to read as much as i can to be prepared. I've been reading during pregnancy but I'd now like to begin studying the first year of my childs life and what to expect and how to best troubleshoot.

Can you recommend any books you read which you found were very helpful to you OR your spouse during the first year?

A few that i've seen on amazon with good reviews:

1) The Happiest Baby on the Block
2) On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep
3) Cherish the First Six Weeks: A Plan that Creates Calm, Confident Parents and a Happy, Secure Baby
4) What to Expect the First Year

Can anyone recommend any of the above OR any other great books from experience?

Thank you

Education & Work

Comments

  • ShortyX on 15/07/2019 - 15:29
    +1

    Value sleep as much as you can NOW. :D All the best!

    https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2013/03/10-things-i-wish-i-had…

  • ssjwill on 15/07/2019 - 15:29
    +3

    The Wonder Weeks, the app (paid) shows you when a development cycle will hit.

    what to expect

    expect the unexpected, good luck with #2 book as sleep is non-existent :)

    All the best bud

  • [Deactivated] on 15/07/2019 - 15:36
    +6

    Why? It is very difficult, if not impossible, to find any reliable, empirical relationship between the small variations in what parents do – the variations that are the focus of parenting books – and the resulting adult traits of these children.

    To quote Alison Gopnik, a developmental psychologist,

    There is very little evidence that conscious decisions about co-sleeping or not, letting your children ‘cry it out’ or holding them till they fall asleep, or forcing them to do extra homework or letting them play have reliable and predictable long-term effects on who those children become. From an empirical perspective, parenting is a mug’s game.

    She goes on to add:

    To seek to parent a child (…) is to behave like a carpenter, chiselling away at something to achieve a particular end-goal – in this case, a certain kind of person. A carpenter believes that he or she has the power to transform a block of wood into a chair. When we garden, on the other hand, we do not believe we are the ones who single-handedly create the cabbages or the roses. Rather, we toil to create the conditions in which plants have the best chance of flourishing. The gardener knows that plans will often be thwarted. The poppy comes up neon orange instead of pale pink … black spot and rust and aphids can never be defeated. If parents are like gardeners, the aim is to create a protected space in which our children can become themselves, rather than trying to mould them.

    I quite like that analogy: be the gardener rather than the carpenter. Congrats and best of luck with your little one :)

    • owli on 15/07/2019 - 17:10

      It reminds me of Bryan Caplan's analogy

      Instead of thinking of kids as lumps of clay that parents “mold,” we should think of kids as plastic that flexes in response to pressure – and springs back to its original shape once the pressure goes away.

      I would recommend his book 'Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think'

      Also, Congratulations OP!

  • one man clan on 15/07/2019 - 15:57
    +5

    I have a 5 week old. Had so many books throughout my wife's pregnancy and still have so many and I think I read half of one of them. Basically all of them drag out basic information to fill out 250 pages and are really not engaging (YMMV - I'm a big fiction reader and have to read and analyse all day for work, so I just had no interest). The further I got was 2 weeks into the First Six Weeks (which includes pregnancy).

    It really depends on what type of learner you are, though. I'm a kinaesthetic learner so books don't really grab me. I'm doing better through trial and error, asking friends and professionals, and letting it happen naturally.

    I would strongly recommend attending some courses though - your hospital should run a few. We did physio during pregnancy (what to expect with the changing body and how to deal with new pains), a breastfeeding class, and some kind of caring for newborns class (which included stuff like swaddling). If you are going for a natural birth, you really should do one of hypno/calmbirth/shebirths. It made a huge difference during labour, even if we only used one of the skills they teach you. Funnily enough during labour my wife was incredibly stressed because she'd only read 2 of the 5 skills in the Birth Skills book (again because the bloody thing was so long stretching out "breathing" into 30 pages).

    In the end google will probably be your most valuable resource!

    • John Kimble on 15/07/2019 - 17:31

      Breathing is a major part of the Calmbirth course.

    • MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 17:42

      Some great advice here, thank you very much

  • o53djz7qTPY4der on 15/07/2019 - 16:04
    +4

    Don't waste the free time you have now reading about the thing that is going to consume all your free time in six weeks.

    Enjoy the next six weeks like they are your last on the planet.

    • MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 17:43

      I’ve been doing that since Week 1 and enjoying my poisons like the world is about to end. My liver is being smashed.

      Thanks for the advice though. It’s difficult to comprehend

  • altomic on 15/07/2019 - 17:40
    +9

    keep your baby at a comfortable temperature, feed as required, clean as required, and interact a lot with it and you will be fine. raising a child is pretty straight forward.

    first baby is always panic stations. you get home from the hospital and you look at the baby and it is like "what the actual f@#k!"

    my tips (as a father of 3) - be as relaxed as possible. everything will work out.

    remember - feed, clean & comfortable AND interact.

    Good luck

    • MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 17:47

      Thanks for that advice, it’s nice to read personal constructive advice outside of “you’re life is about to change” and “enjoy sleep” which is all I’ve heard for 8 months. Your constructive advice rings a bell better than any books can. Thank you

    • John Kimble on 15/07/2019 - 17:48
      +1

      Don't forget driving home from the hospital 10 to 20 km/h under the limit! First baby only of course.

      • MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 17:51

        Haha first baby exceptions! Heard a lot about that

    • MoonlapseVertigo on 15/07/2019 - 17:50

      And yes….the “what the actual f@#k!” vibe is what i have been forecasting haha

    • [Deactivated] on 15/07/2019 - 17:52

      Sound advice! I would however recommend not referring to your child as "it" when talking about him or her.. It's considered a bit of a faux-pas where I come from 😋

  • John Kimble on 15/07/2019 - 18:12

    Semi cathartic rant…dunno if it will help you haha

    I was/am pretty lazy when it come to book reading, partly because my wife did/does all that stuff (I know I shouldn't just rely on her to). If I need to find out about something, I would usually ask my mum or Google it.

    My wife is an enigma…she is the worrier that Dr Google's everything or almost every time she hears/reads about a baby/kid dying from something, that our kids might get it/it might happen to them…but on the flip side financially she is happy to spend like shes got money when we don't…which makes me worry we won't have a home to live in…that you would think would be a high priority, right?

    It causes her unnecessary worry and me frustration.

    Our 2nd is at the low end of the weight range for his age, so my wife currently thinks he might have one or more of the following (despite GP saying not to worry too much):
    - worms
    - leukemia
    - autoimmune/digestive tract issue

    I would say try to avoid that (over worrying/Dr Google) where possible? I mean obviously it's good to know the common issues babies get and how to prevent/watch for symptoms, but if you go too deep (like my wife does) you end up thinking your baby has cancer or similar…the chances of your baby having a major health issue is hopefully very low…I always say this and she always argues back "how would you feel if he died because we didn't pick something up in time?! It's up to us to keep him alive!!!" How do I respond to that?!

    A few weeks back we almost went to ER in the middle of the night because she panicked and thought there was something seriously wrong with our 9 month old…turns out he was just hungry (due to being very fussy with what he wanted to eat).

    Anyhoo, every baby and family is different, people are going to give you all sorts of conflicting advice, just do what works best for you and your family…unless you are an absolute psycho or moron, it's really hard to stuff up…babies are surprisingly tough!

    PS your DP is great! ha

    • MoonlapseVertigo on 18/07/2019 - 08:57

      strong advice here. Dr Google can be dangerous i completely agree. Thanks again Kimble

  • Third_Gear on 15/07/2019 - 18:20
    +1

    Dad of three too. Altomic is 100% spot on. My best advice is never compare your kids to others; milestones aren’t the same for everyone but pretty much all kids get to where they need to be in the end. When in doubt and there are moments you are freaking out just remember - everything will be ok.

  • ihbh on 15/07/2019 - 18:57

    Your Cherished Baby by Howard Chilton (Aussie pediatrician). Check his website.

    Happiest Baby on the Block is mainly about the 5's if I recall correctly. You can just youtube this.

  • chumlee on 15/07/2019 - 19:00
    -1

    Kama Sutra book

    Get plenty of action now before the shop closes

  • grumps on 15/07/2019 - 19:27
    +2

    Dan Murphy's catalogue

  • kranix on 15/07/2019 - 20:25
    +2

    I bought a few books before my first one was born but didn't get around to reading any of them. Much more useful, I found, was having access to credible online resources. What to Expect and BabyCenter are fantastic, the latter actually having a lot of local information despite its foreign-spelt name. Sign up and enter your partner's due date, and you'll receive weekly updates that are tailored to that stage of pregnancy/childhood. I found that to be much more digestable than a book, and I could look up selected things as needed. Also good are Better Health and Health Direct, from the Victorian and Commonwealth governments respectively.

  • Lastchancetosee on 16/07/2019 - 08:05
    +1

    Mum of three here. Academic, so read a lot of books!I learnt most helpful information from my mother-in-law and mum, but essentially, you have to feel your way. Each pregnancy is different, e.g. my first child was 4 weeks premature, and spent two weeks in hospital, so you need to work with the unexpected. I agree with lots of the advice here about simple caring - pick up the baby when it cries, talk to it, feed it, be prepared to make it the centre of your life for the first few months, (well, honestly, it's much longer than that 😉, but I mean in an intensive way), take the time to look at it and marvel, sleep every chance you get - sleep if/when the baby does, make sure you get a break when you can. Bottles are fine if you can't or don't like breastfeeding (try to avoid the breastfeeding guilt trip), and are really handy when you're exhausted and need to hand over to someone for a while. Finally, if you are struggling, and feel overwhelmed or depressed, seek help from your midwife, doctor, paediatrician. Post-partum depression is real, and there is a lot of support out there now to help you. All the very best.

    • Lastchancetosee on 16/07/2019 - 08:07
      +1

      For later on, Toddler Taming was very helpful - sensible and engagingly written.

  • mjwills on 16/07/2019 - 10:05

    2) On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

    is a popular book (many of my friends swear by it), but doesn't work for everyone (e.g. didn't work for my wife and four children).

    https://karitane.com.au/ may be worth reaching out to in a three months if sleep is still a struggle.

  • Rockets84 on 16/07/2019 - 10:49
    +1

    Dad of 3. My wife really liked the books Up The Duff & Babies and Toddlers by Kaz Cooke. Mainly cause they use humour to good affect. They were easy to read and not dry but had good information. Books were good for pregnancy but for when they were babies they went out the window.

  • [Deactivated] on 16/07/2019 - 10:49
    +1

    Each child is different, sure school yourself on safety related issues and children’s typical physical development (milestones, typical and atypical behaviour etc) but no expert will prepare you. Go help someone who has a child for a day, you will learn much more than reading a book about sleep habits.

    Practicality wise sort out the personal documents you will need for registering the birth, write down the bills that have to be paid, have basic first aid supplies on hand - baby cpr chart, thermometer etc, save shopping list for online shopping and stock your freezer with easy meals. Unless you look after yourselves (eat, sleep, get fresh air and daylight) you can not care for someone else.

  • TransportPosters on 16/07/2019 - 12:54
    +1

    Look out for a book called "What to Expect when You're Expecting". It was pretty good.

    We also attended free government-funded group sessions for expecting parents. It was pretty frank and eye-opening, and a lot of fun too. I highly recommend finding one if you can before it pops out.

  • jthurley on 16/07/2019 - 20:31
    +1

    My wife swears by Save Our Sleep.

    For me, get a book like The Baby Book : Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two.

    And for the OzBargain, get phone numbers for after hours doctors in your area. They are bulk billed and come in the middle of the night when your baby's fever is getting hotter by the minute. Saves a trip to the hospital and keeps the beds free for emergencies.

  • littlemisslovely on 16/07/2019 - 23:22
    +2

    Mum of two (one just out of the newborn haze)

    • save our sleep book!! Worked for x2 of mine
    • go to Tressillian if sleep issues (it’s free)
    • join a local community mother’s group (also free)
    • be kind to yourself - say yes to all help / meals / support
    • buy on the good second hand FB sites (they grow so fast!) or befriend people with bubs same gender 6-12m older

    Highly recommend a mother’s group for you both. Try to connect with locals with same age bubs - join a FB group, what’s app group and go to meets. Will save your sanity and you’ll get some gorgeous life long friends. They’ll be at exact same time and have same issues as you.

    And FYI .. no parent knows what they are doing. Babies are all different. There is no perfect book / manual. Listen to all advice but adapt to you and your baby. … And the babies have no idea either - Always go with your gut instinct.

    Congrats and good luck!!!

    • littlemisslovely on 16/07/2019 - 23:27
      +1

      Also if baby is unsettled or crying - chances are they are hungry 90% of the time (10% are cold, poo nappy or other). Feed, Feed, Feed.
      And if they’re still hungry and can’t BF, there is nothing wrong with formula. Boys especially are always hungry.
      Took me a second child to realise my first was just starving. You can’t over feed a baby so pump and keep feeding or top up with formula - if they aren’t hungry they won’t drink it but if they do then they just needed more. (Nurses always say no to formula but it’s a conspiracy, a fed baby is a happy baby).

  • TEER3X on 04/08/2019 - 09:47

    Not really relevant for a newborn but good reading and helpful for preparation for later is a book called The Happy Sleeper.

    Not sure how old our little guy was when we bought the book, maybe 10 months old but it pretty much helped us get him sleeping for 11hrs every night without waking up in the middle of the night crying multiple times.

    Wish we bought it earlier.

    My issue now (he's 1yo) is that he doesn't eat enough and is a fussy eater.

  • jdee87 on 10/08/2019 - 12:33

    These are books my friend suggest to every new parent in our circle:

    Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs
    On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleeping.

    Our group chats with parent friends are filled with stuff from these books and their good experience with applying some advice written in them. Hope it helps!

  • gavt on 10/08/2019 - 17:26

    We found Baby Love to be quite helpful

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