Any Tips or Advice for Engaging a Family Lawyer?

LniagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 01:43
Last edited 28/09/2019 - 09:44 by 1 other user

Long story short, I used to have contact with my nieces and nephew, but for reasons unknown the ex sister in law has decided no more contact. Have attempted mediation but she refused to attend, and now it's basically become legal. However free legal representation is means tested, I work and make a decent wage but not enough if this drags on, as she gets it 100% all the way!

3 questions:

  1. Has anyone been in this situation? What did you experience?

  2. Is it worth going down this path? Financially and psychologically

  3. I've a bunch of stuff, that I want to return to them. Any ideas on how?

If I'm missing any information, happy to answer as best as I can.

General Discussion

Comments

  • ozhunter on 28/09/2019 - 02:09
    +6

    I used to have contact with my nieces and nephew,

    Just a guess, but I don't think you're entitled to have any contact with someone else's kids.

    the ex sister in law has decided no more contact.

    Couldn't you see them when they spend time with your brother?

  • niagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 02:53

    Let me clarify that the department of child (DCP) protection removed them from her and placed them into my care, until she was "deemed for enough" to have them back. She thought/ thinks I called DCP on her, I dont want custody, just to see them. It's a messy situation.

    Under the family law act, there is a grandparents and significant other people, which applies.

    My brother has moved on with his life and chooses not to spend time with them.

  • UserNameAlreadyTaken on 28/09/2019 - 03:33

    "until she was "deemed for enough" to have them back"

    Did you have the opportunity to raise these questions with the DCP/Court. What did they respond to you?

  • Zeusy on 28/09/2019 - 05:50

    Have you tried approaching the mum through a third party counselling service? You demanding access when their own father (your brother) shows no interest or intention may cause them psychological harm. Try sending cards and birthday/Christmas gifts as a friendly approach first rather than legal process.

  • elgrande on 28/09/2019 - 07:16
    +6

    I think it will be an uphill battle to get access, even through the legal system, given you are not the father.

    It was admirable of you to step in and care for the kids when your brother did not.

    The mother may mot want contact for fear of losing them again. The fact you have been persuing mediation and considering legal avenues would only increase this fear.

  • niagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 07:40

    This is exactly my point, she blames me for (DCP) involvement, when their schools made the report.
    A third party counselling or mediation process failed.

    The gifts thing has been done, they have been psychologically which is why (dcp) removed them in the first place. I've stepped in for 8 years. It isn't easy. Almost as if they were my own children, in fact my children whom are under 5 ask where they have gone and will they see them again.

  • Fier2 on 28/09/2019 - 07:51
    +3

    Aww, that such a sad story op. And i can understand how you feel esppecially when you care for them for some time. Unfortunately, there will have nothing you can really do legally as the mum will have all the rights. But you can keep sending them cards, gifts and try your best to keep in touch with them. I wouldn't recommend taking a lawyer as it can get out of control really quickly and it will drain you physically, financially and emotionnaly. Some people can be totally selfish and try to take revenge from an ex-partner through the kids and seems it s the case with your sister in law. The best way, is to "kill her with kindness" as my mum use to say. Send her a card time to time to say how you feel and you still think about her as a part of families and how much you would live to see your relashionship improves for the well being of the kids. It will takes time but hopefully she will wake up one day and realised it.good luck.

  • vikvance on 28/09/2019 - 07:59

    I've a bunch of stuff, that I want to return to them. Any ideas on how?

    Send the ex-sister-in-law a letter or some other type of notification, telling her to come and collect the stuff within, say, 30 days, or you will throw it out.

  • try2bhelpful on 28/09/2019 - 08:25
    +1

    I can understand what you are saying, and why you are saying it, but unless she proves herself to be unfit again you may not have much legal standing in this. Going in with mediation and threats of legal action will push her even further away. You need to try and rebuild a relationship with her and not as a conduit to get to the kids. Why should she trust you? Your brother has walked away from his kids and you are trying to reclaim them. If I was her I’d be a touch sceptical myself, particularly if I’m trying to rebuild a relationship with my kids. If you think the kids are really suffering in her care then certainly get the authorities to intervene but, long term, the best thing you can do is offer to help her and leave the contact with the kids off the table. If she trusts you then, the odds are, she will get you involved with the kids again. Think about this from her perspective, what would you want the ex sister in law to do?

  • Donaldhump on 28/09/2019 - 08:39
    +1

    Simply don’t bother, family has been down this path and it’s pointless, wait till their 18

    • TheBilly on 28/09/2019 - 08:55
      +1

      Kind of agree with this advice.

      The mothers a b****.

      Your brothers a p****.

      I think the only good you can do for the kids now is to not add more volatility to their lives. Like others have said, send them gifts and invites to occasions and maintain some form of contact so when they become adults they'll remember you for what you did and try to return and be a part of your lives.

      • Donaldhump on 28/09/2019 - 10:32

        Kids will never get the gifts that’s the sad thing

  • mbck on 28/09/2019 - 09:16

    everyone is saying to maintain some form of contact with invites and gifts

    but what if the mum simply throw them away? What then? If she truly wants to cut all contact for either: revenge, playing games using the kid, or to move on with her life and leave the past behind; then there is no reason for her to accept anything at all.

    ps hats off to you OP. You the real MVP

  • niagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 09:23

    She has blocked all contact with myself and this side of the family. For eight years I gace them birthday parties, gifts, attended school functions and looked after them whilst the mother received full centrelink benefits despite being in my care. There was a safety plan in place but she cleaned herself up, once the dcp said we will back away and you can have the kids back. She then cut ties, moved, and blocked all contact.

    I openly said that she can have all the centrelink benefits if that makes things better. Imagine if I didn't have them I wouldn't need Ozbargain! (JOKES)

    Thanks for the responses, I guess I'll pull away and just wait.

  • WreckTangle on 28/09/2019 - 10:15

    How old are the kids? Can you try contacting them on social media?

  • bohn on 28/09/2019 - 10:22
    -7

    Get your own family.

    • niagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 10:35
      +2

      They are my own family.

      • bohn on 28/09/2019 - 10:38
        -4

        get your own kids They aren't your kids. I can't believe you were considering spending money on this.
        Also you say 'for reasons unknown' - we only know half of the story and who knows what is really going on.
        And for those who say 'send gifts to the kids' - just don't do it in a way that outshines the mother.

      • UserNameAlreadyTaken on 28/09/2019 - 11:00

        Remain neutral and be there to support them through their current primary caregiver if the opportunity arises in the future. What ever you do, don't add more stress/conflict into the kids current situation. The kids will always remember you were there before for them.

  • MITM on 28/09/2019 - 11:23

    Can I ask the age of the kids for context ?
    Is your mum the grandmother of the kids ? She has an enshrined right to see the kids as do the kids have a right to see their grandparents.. Tag along with granny.
    How well do you get along with your brothers (ex?) mother-in law ?

    How well do the grandparents get on with each other ?

    My thoughts are if you don't maintain contact, you will disappear from their memory - good for you for trying.

  • niagraBozO on 28/09/2019 - 11:33

    I think Bohn is right, they aren't my kids, I shouldn't waste money on this.

    I'm sick of being neutral, the 3am phonecalls to pick them up from SA Police and dcp because the mother is AWOL. I'll have to pursue this with dcp and they will have to find an alternative.

    Children are over 10 now. They were in my care on and off for 8 years. There is no contact between grandparents, in that I've never met her side of the family and neither has anyone else in my family.

    • try2bhelpful on 28/09/2019 - 12:42

      If this is happening then I wouldn’t cut ties. The kids do need your support if the mother is AWOL. It also builds up the case for you to take them back if they rule her unfit again. If there are enough incidents then the system will come to you rather than you going to court.

  • Masterpupil on 28/09/2019 - 21:08

    You have (far) better standing than a typical uncle because of your high degree of care of the children throughout their lives.
    You should pursue this, if you can spare the time, expense and heartache.
    It could drag out a bit.
    You might want to engage a lawyer to prepare the documents initially then run it yourself to save costs.

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