Toast; Humble Breakfast Staple or Relationship Ending Fight Fodder. Help me End This Confusion

pegaxs on 06/09/2020 - 16:59

Father's day… No breakfast in bed because I'm a dad and I hate crumbs in bed… But, an attempt was made, and for that, I am eternally grateful… But It sparked a war of opinions in the household that may just have someone sleeping outside… Just want to know what makes toast good and what is the proper amount of toasting to make the toast palatable for you.

As a follow up to my very unsuccessful posts to clear up "Where do people grab their bread from in the loaf" and "How much is not enough to put the bottle back in the fridge", I present you with… "Why the hell would you cook toast like that!?!??!!"

Over recent weeks (really, more like years), it has come to my attention that people like their toast cooked a certain way. Like a fine steak, it's all about how it is cooked, and I have been offered toast that is, well, best described as"passed through a warm room" right up to "did you call the fire department to put the fire out?" and I've had enough. This is right up there with "How does the toilet roll get hung" and is possibly the the reason the next world war will be fought over…

I have stolen a photo of some toast (because I am basically to lazy to waste bread to make my own) and I am posting it as a 10 point reference, from 0 being "isnt bread already cooked, why are you burning it again?" to 9, being "If this doesn't get the fireys around, its not cooked enough…".

Please "click here" to view the reference photo, and then let me know in the comments where you stand on this important issue. <1> starting top left, working down to <9> in the bottom right…

InB4: "Slow news day, huh?"… Well, it makes a nice change from the own goal kickers in the Automotive subforum as of late…

Poll Options

  • 1
    0: Who toasts bread?
  • 1
    1: Toasted enough just for texture (Warm room)
  • 1
    2: Texture and heat, accidental browning
  • 11
    3: Patchy light tan and non tanned areas
  • 74
    4: Slight all over golden tan
  • 71
    5: Golden hues mixed with dark tan
  • 15
    6: Dark tan with hints of browning
  • 4
    7: Dark brown with hints of black
  • 1
    8: Very dark brown with equal black
  • 2
    9: Black. Burnt. (Close 000 call...)
Food & Grocery

Comments

  • try2bhelpful on 06/09/2020 - 17:39
    +4

    Love the post. Very entertaining. Although I would’ve used. “Can draw a charcoal portrait with it” for number 9.

    Can we follow up with what is the “best level to boil an egg to” or “how do you get a poached egg to have a nicely done yolk without a watery white”.

  • holdenmg on 06/09/2020 - 17:42

    Bread isn't Cooked, it is Baked.

    Toast is what you get when your Bread has been Toasted.

    P.S.
    Don't infringe the CBA Burnt Toast Copyright with your Toast Gallery.

  • Mechz on 06/09/2020 - 17:58
    +5

    I like it tanned for sure but not really bothered if it's burnt in places. I think it's actually good for your digestive system to eat it burned. Also, it's important to sit the plate on top of the toaster to warm it up so there isn't condensation when you put the toast on it.

    In the end all I really care about is the toast being hot enough to melt my butter.

    • pegaxs on 06/09/2020 - 18:00
      +4

      all I really care about is the toast being hot enough to melt my butter.

      OMG! That is almost another thread on its own… What's the point of cold toast and un-melted butter?

      • try2bhelpful on 06/09/2020 - 18:02
        +4

        Completely agree. Although, if the bread is very fresh, I prefer just bread and butter anyway.

        • Mechz on 06/09/2020 - 18:16
          +6

          To me, all bread is just a vehicle for butter to enter my facehole.

          • try2bhelpful on 06/09/2020 - 18:46

            @Mechz: We use the Mainland spreadable butter. They say they just use cream and salt. It is very tasty.

            • Mechz on 06/09/2020 - 18:58
              +1

              @try2bhelpful: Yep I use the same unless I run out then it's just Aldi butter that's normally for cooking. The trick is to scrape it off thin so it melts instantly.

      • jojo13 on 07/09/2020 - 07:26

        LOL

      • saltypete on 07/09/2020 - 09:10
        +1

        Ahh.. depends on the topping. Perfect Vegemite toast happens when the butter melts a little bit, then mixes with the Vegemite…… I am pretty sure that you have to have gone from mothers breast straight to Vegemite to get the taste and texture correct.

    • Banana on 06/09/2020 - 21:47
      +1

      I think it's actually good for your digestive system to eat it burned

      What?! I have been told that it's cancerous to eat the burnt bits :(

      • Mechz on 07/09/2020 - 02:13

        You've been conned.

  • CheapandUsed on 06/09/2020 - 18:03
    +7

    3 to 6 are my acceptable range depending on planned topping.
    Jams, butters and 'mites,3 to 5 are best.
    Bacon and eggs go on a 4 or 5, and finally;
    Spaghetti's, beans and other saucy toppings are on a 5 to 6.

    1 and 2 I would still call bread and the 7 to 9's are all trash and reviewing toaster settings.

    • ozbjunkie on 07/09/2020 - 08:51
      +1

      This guy toasts.

  • DashCam AKA Rolts on 06/09/2020 - 18:29

    LPT: too light, back in for a bit, but check regularly. Too dark, scrape it back, over the sink, until desired colour is achieved, but do it quickly so it's still warm enough for the butter to melt.
    Cold toast with unmelted butter is the devil's breakfast.

  • [Deactivated] on 06/09/2020 - 18:43

    You mean raw bread?

  • WreckTangle on 06/09/2020 - 19:44
    +2

    Option 3. Enjoy sleeping outside

  • wordplay on 06/09/2020 - 20:18
    +2

    the fresher the bread the less it should be toasted, if get bread that morning then don't bother toasting it.

    • pegaxs on 06/09/2020 - 23:16

      Yes, this! If it is cooked that day and is super fresh… 0 is the only option…

      Some mornings when I get super early starts, I go to the local baker and get the bread fresh from the oven… doesn’t even need butter at that point!

      • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 00:05
        +1

        When we go to Paris we buy a baguette from the Boulanger in the morning and spend the day wandering around and breaking bits off to eat. Meant to be doing my 60th in Paris next year, I suspect not at this stage.

  • Banana on 06/09/2020 - 21:50

    2 - Light texture and some heat, on the days I do eat toasts, because I don't have the patience to stand and wait. Also I pretty much just eat homemade sourdough now and it would take ages to brown due to the low amount of sugar.

  • spackbace on 06/09/2020 - 22:35
    +1

    The question is, what number got presented to you…?

    • pegaxs on 06/09/2020 - 23:14
      +3

      Let’s say it was closer to a 7~8 level toast… I was not pleased. But I have been at friends and family’s place and been offered 2~3 level toasts… 4 should be the bare minimum with a 6 being borderline over cooked…

      And now, since I’m outside, I did ask my dog though, and she said anything from a 0 to a 9 was good, so I don’t trust her opinion one bit…

      • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 00:02
        +1

        Your dog eats dog food. I suspect the palate is not well refined. Probably couldn’t tell the difference between a Brie and a camembert when it steals it off the table.

  • SnowDragon on 07/09/2020 - 08:25

    Depends what I'm putting on my toast.

    Straight butter/jams I like it 3-4 so it melts but the toast is still a bit soft.
    Peanut butter I like 4-5 because it's a harder thing to spread and gives less chance to break the bread when I spread.

    Anything over 6 is for sinners.

  • carmarriner on 07/09/2020 - 08:51

    4 is perfect

  • ozbjunkie on 07/09/2020 - 08:52

    Seems the level of toasting is somewhat confounded with crispiness. A friend of mine lightly toasts his twice after a very short break for this precise reason.

    More crispiness with less burn.

    Now, to find me someone to make me toast in the morning…

  • saltypete on 07/09/2020 - 09:12

    A possible solution. My wife likes a 2 or 3. We have the toaster set to this. One toasting for her, double for me as I am a 6…

    • pegaxs on 07/09/2020 - 09:33
      +3

      Better toaster than mine. I could set mine to a 1 or 2, and a double toasting would see it converted to a 10 to 12 on that scale…

      I swear my toaster has a "How DARE you double dip your toast in me, heathen, for now you shall pay!" programming set up. It's like, if I question its ability to toast, it gets all indignant and says "How about THAT, double dipper? TOASTED enough for you???"

      I don't dare triple dip…

      • macca9123 on 07/09/2020 - 11:24
        +2

        My toaster has a dial for "doneness". Despite this, I'm sure the doneness dial is a placebo and instead the toaster was engineered by some sadistic outfit to operate randomly at one of the following 3 settings:

        • Level 1
        • Level 9
        • Trip the goddamn circuit breaker and reset every clock in the house.

        At least it's not as bad as the iron that tried to self-immolate in an act of defiance (it won).

        • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 11:33

          So, apparently, there is this magic smoke that makes electronic goods work and if you let the smoke out they fail.

      • psdillon on 07/09/2020 - 12:26

        I've set my toaster to 2 minutes which usually produces a 4, but my toaster is extremely sensitive to age of the bread and thickness variations as little as 500 microns, so we often get 6-to-7s. It makes no sense.

        Time is the dumbest way to specify toastiness. For crying out load, someone put a photo-resister in there and turn it off when it goes down by 20% from peak. Hell, put a camera in there and I'll watch it myself.

        • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 12:38
          +1

          We’ve got one of those toasters with the glass side. You only see one side but it gives you an idea what is happening.

          • psdillon on 08/09/2020 - 08:46

            @try2bhelpful: Wow thanks, I never knew they existed. Now on my Christmas list.

  • OzHunterNSW on 07/09/2020 - 09:34

    This forum has stooped to a new low

    • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 11:08
      +2

      You don’t have to participate in every post, it isn’t compulsory. I thought it was fun and, obviously, so do others.

  • Speckled Jim on 07/09/2020 - 11:46

    Because I prefer regular "sandwich" sliced, just a 4 for me.
    Muffins can go as low as 2 if in a hurry but never over 4.

    • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 12:38

      What about crumpets?

      • Speckled Jim on 07/09/2020 - 15:39
        +1

        Nah, I refuse to pay for crumpet.

        • try2bhelpful on 07/09/2020 - 16:04
          +1

          But would you pay if there were two of them?

  • [Deactivated] on 07/09/2020 - 11:52
    +3

    I like my toasts like I like my bridges… burnt, with nothing to show for my endeavour than a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once my eyes watered.

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