Should My Mom Stay in an Apartment with Me for 2-3+ Months?

Ljackking on 09/07/2022 - 03:25
Last edited 12/07/2022 - 14:25 by 2 other users

First post, would appreciate help with a family situation:

Quick Context - I am 26 M living in an Apartment in CBD. My Mom in another state wants to move to CBD to be closer to me and for better job opportunities. She was offered a job in CBD which starts in a few weeks. Before she can commit to CBD, she wants to try out living with me in my apartment for 2-3 months to see if she likes her new job and the new city. I instead suggested she should try AirBnb or Hotel, for which I am more than happy to pay for however long she needs. She was quite offended by the idea and said I should not waste the money.

I feel like a 45sqm apartment is too small for both of us, considering one of us will have to sleep on the sofa bed (probably me lol). I also have a GF who sleeps over 90% of the time at my place (she lives far from CBD and I have no WFH). My mom does not know about her as it is too soon and I come from traditional background so not sure what she would think about me sleeping over at her place. I have a relatively high-stress finance job where I come back from work avg 11 pm-2am and the last thing I need is unnecessary stress and ruin relationship with my mom. I value my independence and I have also not lived with my parents since the age of 18. Am I being unreasonable and a dick of a son? Am I selfish to think this has become a bit of a nightmare for my personal freedom?

Poll - Do you all think this is a good idea/ reasonable? Should My Mom Stay in an apartment with Me for 2-3+ Months?

Home & Garden

closed Comments

  • [Deactivated] on 09/07/2022 - 03:37
    +48

    if it were me, i would let her stay with me but lay out some ground rules; ie let her know that you regularly get home very late and if that is going to be a problem for her (as well as her staying quiet when you need sleep) then it's not going to work.

    i sympathise with your concerns about freedom, but if it's only for a few months then it should not be too much of a problem, she is your mother after all.

    just make sure she knows what hours you work and when you need peace and quiet, it would probably be a good idea to let her know about the GF too.

    perhaps you could stay with the GF more often at her place?

    it's not selfish to be concerned about your freedom, no one really wants to live with their parents after they hit adulthood.

    my advice is to give it a go and if it is too stressful then just tell her so and mention your previous offer of paying for a hotel or airbnb

    • jackking on 09/07/2022 - 04:24
      +3

      Fair points. Cheers for the advice!

    • poboy on 09/07/2022 - 07:54
      +21

      Is it ever 'just a few months' though?

      It will likely stain all relationships. But you may be able to cope.

      • ATangk on 09/07/2022 - 17:40
        +1

        I’d say 1 month max, any more and it’s a bit more than ‘temporary’. You can start to get serviced apartment contracts for a month or a few which OP would seem more than happy to pay for, and be significantly cheaper than hotel, etc.

      • AydenFX on 09/07/2022 - 22:46
        +1

        Lol nope!

        Had my young BIL move in because MIL can't get her shit together and we are very most likely going to be stuck with him for 6 months.

        Do the airbnb OP or give her a 2 week holiday max.

    • aimon on 10/07/2022 - 07:30
      +1

      Also if you are willing to spring for her to have an airbnb, couldnt you just do that on occasion for you and your GF as well during the period?

      • cookie2 on 10/07/2022 - 11:27
        +1

        Spunds like OP is pretty busy at work so time off and airbnb will probably be inconvenient for them and also I don't think they want to share that they're in the relationship yet. So by mum staying there, the OP will have to disclose the relationship and deal with the fun on mum n new gf in a studio together when it sounds like they're not ready for this. Mum should be understanding and no guilt tripping to get what they want. If it was a bigger place, maybe, but a studio apartment nope.

  • [Deactivated] on 09/07/2022 - 04:04
    +59

    Let mom stay, move to hotel or Meriton yourself, say work needs you stay there and paying for it.

    • jackking on 09/07/2022 - 04:25
      +3

      lol something to consider. Thanks

      • striker5950 on 09/07/2022 - 18:45
        +1

        this here seems like a spot on solution. more money but less headache

  • Dave Bowman on 09/07/2022 - 04:09
    +4

    Poll is confusing due to your multiple questions.

    • jackking on 09/07/2022 - 04:25
      +1

      Sorry, have updated

      • Eeples on 10/07/2022 - 17:57
        +1

        poll still confusing with 2 questions.

  • holdenmg on 09/07/2022 - 05:39
    +6

    Hi,

    The bigger question is why she thinks living with you while she determines if she likes her new job and the new city gives her a realistic impression of living in Sydney.

    Would there be a relocation allowance she would forgo if she stays with you instead of finding a place near her new job?

    It sounds like she more wants a working holiday that she can walk away from back to Brisbane in three months.

    • Melencir on 09/07/2022 - 05:52
      +34

      OP mentions traditional background. If that's Asian traditional background, living with family is normal and likely expected for the son to take care of parents. Hence moving in with him to see if she likes things. Besides, why spend money when living with the son is free? 😂

      • holdenmg on 09/07/2022 - 06:26
        +2

        OK, I may have underweighted that aspect.
        But isn't that when more elderly?

        Why spend money?
        Well because part of moving to a new job/city is budgeting for your new place according to Salary.

        (and because she may like it and never move out). lol

        • Melencir on 09/07/2022 - 11:11
          +1

          Oh no, it's drilled into you from young 😂 conditioning throughout life.

          They might let the kids away for a bit, but will continually hint - where are the grandkids? When are you coming back? You should settle down, etc

      • jackking on 09/07/2022 - 06:26
        +1

        Spot on

      • morse on 09/07/2022 - 07:03

        Whilst that’s true it also seems like mum wants to be overly involved in OPs life. At 26 he should feel comfortable to tell his mum he has a girlfriend.

        • Slippery Fish on 09/07/2022 - 07:11
          +11

          If your old enough to date your old enough to be honest about it lol

          • zonra on 09/07/2022 - 08:54
            +24

            @Slippery Fish: It’s probably less about being scared/affraid to tell the truth, and more about not having to deal with unwelcomed opinions and dramas by withholding information. Some parents struggle with boundaries.

        • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 10:21
          +4

          At 26 he should feel comfortable to tell his mum he has a girlfriend.

          My vibe is communication isn’t strong between them.

          • Muzeeb on 09/07/2022 - 11:08
            +18

            @SF3: OP username suggests to me that the girlfriend part is made up.

            • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 23:35
              +1

              @Muzeeb:

              part is made up.

              I have a relatively high-stress finance job where I come back from work avg 11 pm-2am

              OP commented he is still going to uni. 🤔

              • Muzeeb on 09/07/2022 - 23:49
                +2

                @SF3: Adult student doing a Masters maybe?

              • DemocracyManifest on 10/07/2022 - 10:38

                @SF3: Probably works in a big 4 call centre

              • Hangryuman on 11/07/2022 - 13:47
                +1

                @SF3: 'relatively high-stress finance job where I come back from work avg 11 pm-2am'

                yeah riding those food delivery electric bicycles through traffic is high-stress alright !

  • Muzeeb on 09/07/2022 - 06:35
    +6

    You're 26. It's time to be an independent adult. Stuff tradition.

  • Nugs on 09/07/2022 - 06:47
    +36

    Mum FFS
    .

    • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 10:24

      Could be a Tiger Mum.

    • zorrt on 09/07/2022 - 19:18
      +6

      Glad I wasn't the only one getting annoyed at that 😅

    • Bob Svargis on 11/07/2022 - 22:15

      Well said and good call. I hate it when Americanisms sneak in to our vernacular.

  • morse on 09/07/2022 - 07:00
    +7

    No definitely not. Especially if you want to keep your girlfriend. Mum can be offended, she’ll get over it. You need to set boundaries particularly if she’s moving to Sydney.

    • Stopback on 09/07/2022 - 07:07
      -3

      Lol that girl ain't loyal

  • screensaver on 09/07/2022 - 07:44
    +3

    Yes I would let her stay and book a capsule hotel or something for myself, and say, to be honest, I need to sleep alone because of work, and then spend time at the studio too.

  • geek001 on 09/07/2022 - 07:53
    +2

    Maybe tell your mum the situation, I think it hurts your mum to think that you don't want to spend 2-3 months with her for no reason at all otherwise. 45m3 is too cramp for 3 people to live in, I totally agree. I think she should be happy that you are doing well in your job and also out there finding someone, after all you are 26. In a few years' time, she will start worrying why you haven't found someone!

    Something to think about longer term, I think if your mum does end up moving to Sydney, she would probably like to stay with you or near you, so there is that as well. Best to work out some ground rules now.

  • Tee Rex Arms on 09/07/2022 - 08:34
    +11

    Your mUm is just worried about being lonely in a new city

  • ThithLord on 09/07/2022 - 08:50
    +2

    Could you stay in temp accom close to home and mum has your place? Mom mum lol

  • tallkid123 on 09/07/2022 - 09:53
    +5

    Hard no considering your GF situation and job.

  • pegaxs on 09/07/2022 - 10:13
    +3

    Let her know you are an adult and do adult things and while ever she is there, she is your flatmate and not your mum. She can be a mum when she has her own place.

  • avoidfullprice on 09/07/2022 - 10:24
    +11

    I don’t think its a good idea, and you’re not selfish to say no.

    Your place will get rearranged because she has been living under her system, not yours. You will definitely not have private space. On the plus side, she will likely do your washing.

    your background is now forcing you to disclose that relationship early rather than letting your mum finds out she is not informed/consulted earlier.

    The only way out of this is your mum decides it is a bad idea rather than you turning her down. Otherwise you will bear the title of “unloving son” for years.

    And to others who suggested you staying with your GF instead, despite you mentioning she lives far from CBD and you can’t WFH, how viable is this option to you?

    • Other on 09/07/2022 - 19:41
      +6

      she will likely do your washing.

      Literally how hard is washing?

      • Tnetennba on 10/07/2022 - 13:01
        +3

        Not worth all the downsides, lmao

  • jakka on 09/07/2022 - 10:40
    +10

    You need to tell your mum about your girlfriend first, as she may then change her mind about the living situation if she knows you have someone else who regularly stays.

    If she really wants to stay then you could trial it, and on nights where it gets too much book and Airbnb or hotel and you stay there a night or two.

    • derrida derider on 10/07/2022 - 12:01
      +1

      Absolutely. MAN UP - you're an independent adult now. All you really need to tell your Mum is that it is impossible because you have a regular guest staying with you.

    • [Deactivated] on 10/07/2022 - 16:09

      You must be related to the OP!

  • onetwothreefour on 09/07/2022 - 10:55
    +16

    What did your girlfriend say when you asked her?

    • yadq on 09/07/2022 - 19:04
      +38

      She doesn’t know about the mom, it’s too soon.

      • onetwothreefour on 09/07/2022 - 22:14
        +6

        She's a traditional girlfriend who thinks her boyfriend should no longer see his mom?

      • jackking on 11/07/2022 - 14:41
        +1

        actually hilarious

  • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 11:25
    +11

    Should My Mom Stay in a Studio with Me for 2-3+ Months years?

    *FTFY

  • FoxJump on 09/07/2022 - 13:00
    +7

    Lol.
    Devils advocate here.

    Why not let your mum stay at your gfs place far away? And your gf stays with you?

  • Keplaffintech on 09/07/2022 - 13:57
    +5

    The answer from the way you have written this is clearly no, it's not a good idea. At the end of the day it's your life so you need to be able to make the decision, particularly as this is doing a favour for your mum. I think the offer to pay for her accomodation is more than reasonable and you should convince her that it's either that or she can find something herself.

  • Aust on 09/07/2022 - 15:36
    +18

    My Mum can stay, My MOM cannot.

    • Quantumcat on 09/07/2022 - 17:53
      +5

      Username checks out

  • vinnychase on 09/07/2022 - 15:53
    +1

    TLDR

    I also have a GF who sleeps over 90% of the time at my place

  • Euphemistic on 09/07/2022 - 16:16
    +3

    I think all the random internet people will have the correct answer for you. They truly know your situation and your relationships well.

    Do or don’t we don’t care, but it certainly sounds like you want us to say your mum shouldn’t move in. I say if you can’t put up with some inconvenience for your mum and feel the need to lie to her about your partner then you are a selfish git.

    • avoidfullprice on 09/07/2022 - 17:32
      +2

      While i agree random internet people don't know OP situation to offer good suggestion, and that OP might be seeking validation to him saying no, he may not be in a good mental space now feeling stuck between respecting his mum while trying to keep his independence. Fact he is reaching out is actually courageous.

      Not disclosing his relationship now is not the same as lying. Maybe he wants to tell his mum his when he feels ready or the relationship is more mature.

    • jackking on 11/07/2022 - 14:40
      +3

      IMO the lying thing is a matter of opinion. Who goes around telling their mom every girl they have been seeing

      • Euphemistic on 11/07/2022 - 15:49
        -1

        Tomayto, tomarto. You are not telling her the truth because you don’t believe she will approve.

  • yk300 on 09/07/2022 - 17:28
    +3

    45 sqm is too small for 2/3 people to live for 2-3 months. A serviced apartment might be better and give her a better idea of what to expect if she moves.

  • Vool on 09/07/2022 - 17:28
    +5

    If it was a couple of weeks sure, but 2-3 months is a long time to be sharing a little apartment.

  • Quantumcat on 09/07/2022 - 17:59
    +2

    I know how to find the answer.

    What are you hoping people are going to say?

    When people say don't let your mum stay, you're not being selfish, are you a little relieved?

    If so, then you know that's what you need to do

    • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 18:05
      +1

      Modus operandi.

      OP would redact the comments for his confirmation bias to show his mother.

      OP: I love you mom, but this what OzB people say I should do.
      Mom: You are forbidden to visit OzB.
      OP: But mom, I’m not a kid anymore.

  • onigirii on 09/07/2022 - 18:23
    +1

    If your mum is anything like my mum she is probably more concerned in wasting money lol

    As others have said maybe give her your studio and tell her you will stay with your gf for free. Get an Airbnb if travelling is too much.

    Maybe also plan some outings with your mum to show her you are supportive of her move - show her around Sydney, places to eat/see, suburbs she could consider to rent if she does decide to stay?

  • Wrathie on 09/07/2022 - 18:26
    +1

    Your mom took care of you for 18 years, fed you clothed you, had uncountable number of interrupted sleep because of you.

    Now you're a big man and 26 years old and having mum stay with you for a couple of months has become too much of an inconvenience. Unless, there is something you're not disclosing like your mum being abusive or a narcissist, maybe you should reciprocate some of that love and care she showered on you for all those years (and probably continues to do so)

    • Muzeeb on 09/07/2022 - 18:30
      +10

      OP is merely scared his mom will find out about his girlfriend, that he is sexually active and that he has been lying everyday when mom asks

      Have you found yourself a nice Asian girl to get married to and give me grand children?

      • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 18:32
        +3

        Culture imo plays a huge part, and progressiveness of parent(s).

        OP’s mom would wonder why both sides of the bed is warm, it’s only her child that stays there.

        • Vote for Pedro on 09/07/2022 - 20:03
          +10

          Mum

          Say it slowly. M. U. M.

          Mum

          • Miss B on 09/07/2022 - 20:39
            +4

            @Vote for Pedro: Not sure why people are so bothered by this. OP obviously calls their mother Mom, likely because they (or perhaps their mother) lived/grew up where they speak American English. They don't have to change what they call their mother just because they're in Australia.

            My friend's Mom is Canadian and I refer to her as her Mom, because that's what she calls her. I call my own mother Mum.

            Do you completely fall apart if people call their mother Mama? Or Mama Bear as my sister has been known to do.

            • Vote for Pedro on 09/07/2022 - 22:09
              +12

              @Miss B: The americanisation of Australian English is the problem. What people call their mothers is not an issue.

              • zorrt on 10/07/2022 - 11:53
                +4

                @Vote for Pedro: my kids watch youtube and pick up the way the americans say certain words like tomato, this bothers me and yes I tell them to stop.

                mama and mama bear is a completely different scenario as those are like pet names.

              • eug on 10/07/2022 - 23:01
                +2

                @Vote for Pedro:

                The americanisation of Australian English is the problem.

                Yeah, Americanisation has truly infected Australians. I hear some Australians even use catchphrases from American movies as their online identities!

              • Miss B on 11/07/2022 - 08:41
                -1

                @Vote for Pedro: You and others are very clearly hung up on what OP calls his mother, it's really very strange. I'll be sure to warn my friend to not call her Canadian Mom 'Mom' too loudly, lest she be accosted by the anti-Mom police and yelled at that her Mom's name is 'Mum'.

                • Vote for Pedro on 11/07/2022 - 09:04
                  +1

                  @Miss B: The obsession is with language. You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with OPs mother.

                  • Miss B on 11/07/2022 - 09:31

                    @Vote for Pedro: Hopefully there are not people like this in the US with people concerned about Britishisation/Australianisation of American English and people visiting/moving from Australia getting berated for calling their Mum 'Mum'.

    • robbyjones on 09/07/2022 - 18:53
      +10

      Whoa, guilt trip much! I am a mum of four boys and, granted, from a different culture but I would never, ever burden one of my sons by asking this knowing he is living in a studio apartment.

    • Harold Halfprice on 10/07/2022 - 12:05
      +2

      Now you're a big man and 26 years old and having mum stay with you for a couple of months has become too much of an inconvenience. Unless, there is something you're not disclosing

      Yeah, the fact that he's an adult living with he's girlfriend in a tiny studio apartment.

      Where's the room for his mum? He's going to have to sleep on the couch and tell his girlfriend to leave - for potentially 3 months.

      What's he going to tell his girlfriend?
      "sorry my mum is coming to live with me and I don't want to tell her about you - so you need to leave"

      His mum isn't elderly or sick or needs care, he doesn't live in a space large enough to fit her and he's risking his relationship.

  • holdenmg on 09/07/2022 - 18:48

    What would Dr. Phil do? lol

    • yadq on 09/07/2022 - 19:06
      +4

      Send her to the ranch

    • SF3 on 09/07/2022 - 21:21
      +1

      What would Dr. Phil do?

      Tell it as it is and usually cause his “patient” to cry.

  • lonewolf on 09/07/2022 - 19:12

    Shes your Mum… Is there anything more that needs to be said. Unless you are a very small % of people who have a really toxic and bad relationship with the mum….

    • derrida derider on 10/07/2022 - 12:09
      +1

      She's your Mum, which is why you owe her honesty. And honesty means saying "sorry, its utterly impossible beause I have a friend staying with me regularly".
      It's called being an ADULT, not a child.

  • mrnacho on 09/07/2022 - 19:23
    +1

    Can I join OP?

  • Other on 09/07/2022 - 19:44

    Is she lonely?

    And hence the move.
    And then she can go back if she does not like it?

    I would be 100% demanding an Airbnb.
    Then its more like reality of living in Sydney.

  • Willy Beamish on 09/07/2022 - 19:49
    -1

    Poor guy, couldn't even live with his own mother for a short period when she needs a bit of assistance.

    Man I wonder if she had the same choice if she would've just dumped you when you needed assistance.

    • pompompom on 10/07/2022 - 10:56
      +1

      So true.
      The dude basically threw money at her so she would just get her own Airbnb and wouldn't be his problem and then wondered why she was offended. Lol.

    • smartazz104 on 10/07/2022 - 16:22

      She doesn't need assistance, she just wants to trial living in Sydney.

  • Vote for Pedro on 09/07/2022 - 20:00
    +3

    A little too creepy in a studio apartment.

    The fact that you have offered options but she wants it her way is a control issue.

    She also does not respect your age and independence. Quite selfish really.

    Why not offer her the apartment and go stay in an airbnb 😂

  • [Deactivated] on 09/07/2022 - 20:08
    +1

    what's traditional background?

  • FittyFitty on 09/07/2022 - 20:45
    +7

    Help your mum out, mate; you was seemingly an unconditional priority for her for 18 years - this doesn't even scratch the surface on reciprocity.

    GFs come and go, and a bit of distance may spice things up a bit…

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