Friend Dying of Cancer (Few Mths to Live) ~ $1000 Wedding Gift 'experience' in Sydney Area?

Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 15:46
Last edited 22/12/2022 - 11:18

EDIT: Much thanks for the continued replies and thoughtsm - I've sorted out a solution that hopefully assists them in some small way - thank you
https://www.ozbargain.com.au/comment/13141885/redir

Hi,

I'll firstly say that sadly this is very much legit and I'm not some douche making up such a story - in hopes others will find him some fantastic deal.

A very dear friend of my wife and I - wasn't feeling well a few weeks ago, went for checkup and then told it was stage 4 cancer. 6 months to live. She had full on surgery but they've now found this has spread all over lungs, brain etc - chemo treatment resulted in seizures. So she's been told perhaps 3 mths to live at most & is going palliative. It's been crushing for her as it's all come from 'That ache is weird' - to you will be dead soon - in just a few weeks. I posted a thread here when we thought she had longer:
https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/738866

She is marrying her long time partner over the next few weeks - my wife and I were hoping to get her an 'experience' type wedding gift e.g dinner, overnight stay, doing something etc - as she has so little time left so they can have a day/memory/moment together rather than a consumer durable gift etc.

It should ideally be in the greater Sydney area and perhaps up to $1000 (we are alas not wealthy, I don't work and my wife is admin worker in regional NSW but we're flexible it its someting very special). Also happy to 'package' a few smaller things into a bunch of stuff - if what you have in mind is lower cost - as more $$$ doesn't always mean a better experience.

I'd just highlight that she is now in pallaitive care - so bungee jumping etc - likely not a great fit, but less physically demanding ones would be ideal.

So if you've done something that you think was magical or have an idea please feel free to let me know - or if you know someone who you think can pull a string that'd be most appreciated - I am NOT looking for a handout or charity - but just an average lady you might walk by on the street, working class background but she's truly a really lovely, selfless person and it's just been a real gut punch to us to hear of this terrible news.

Please feel free to post & I will try and reply or you can PM me as well.

My sincere thanks in advance. :-)

Find Me A Bargain

Comments

  • Webber000 on 21/12/2022 - 16:11
    +1

    Hi, Given you are putting a lot of effort into this I am sure that whatever you decide on will be much appreciated.
    https://www.sydneybyseaplane.com/ Sydney By Seaplane
    I got one of these for a special birthday and highly recommend it. They do various ones depending if she has a favourite area Palm Beach (what I did - and where Home and Away is sometimes filmed if you are not familiar with the area)/Rose Bay/Opera House. The pilot Steve was very good - just check she can get up into the plane - and in the current weather the views will be amazing. Depending on your budget / if she has a partner to go with you could add a hotel or meal if they are not from the area.

  • kiitos on 21/12/2022 - 16:46
    +1

    I was going to suggest a photo book of her, get family and you over the years but you've already done that, that is a good idea and sounding that will remain and be important in future

    Probably too late, but a hotel room with views over Sydney Harbour on new years eve is another option.

  • trapper on 21/12/2022 - 18:14

    Hot air ballooning is a pretty unique and magical experience if she hasn't done this before.

    Can splash out and get a 'experience for two' type package to avoid being packed in with a bunch of randoms.

    Just an example: https://www.redballoon.com.au/product/hot-air-ballooning-ove…

  • DiscoJango on 21/12/2022 - 18:42

    If money is an issue, pool your money with a few of the wedding guests so you can spend more than $1000 on an experience.

  • belongsinforums on 21/12/2022 - 19:06
    +2

    Dinner at a high end restaurant. A phone call explaining your request might help get a usually difficult booking

  • Daddy Chill on 21/12/2022 - 20:03
    +1

    Get a message from big man tyrone

  • BlueberryOrangeJuice on 21/12/2022 - 20:19
    +1

    Michelin star restaurant? That can be pretty memorable.

    Also if she has a favourite celebrity maybe you can get a message from them on the Cameo app - www.cameo.com

  • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 20:26
    +18

    Thank you for all the thoughtful response - honestly some of you though, who feel it's a thread to joke in - really, grow up.

    I've had a chat with my wife and although the Providoor option was great - it did need a fair bit of reheating etc - which we don't know if they'll be up for on very bad days. So as lame as it might seem we went with $1000 worth of Uber Eats GCs as it'll mean they can have a lot of choice - and it'll be literally click and eat with no extra effort by them.

    If nothing else it'll mean one less thing to worry about on a number of days and it seems a safe choice in very bad times. Again thanks for all the input. :-)

    • BartholemewH on 21/12/2022 - 20:52
      +1

      I've never used uber eats either, but I think it's the right option. They can spend them as they wish, when they wish, with a lot of cuisines on offer. Takes the time critical pressure out of the gift and is practical for both, so they can focus on each other and family.

    • mattosoft on 22/12/2022 - 00:57
      +5

      I think you made a great choice.

      My wife was going through breast cancer treatment when pregnant with our first child. Was stage 3 and our world tipped over.

      One of the greatest blessings was family, friends and work colleagues providing home cooked frozen meals. We were at the hospital so much that eating take away most meals or hospital food meant we missed one thing we loved the most, sharing a good meal.

      I would think of the love and care that went into each home cooked meal we got to share together and felt closer to those that helped in this way.

      Being 700km away would be tricky to get meals made by you to them so Uber Eats gift vouchers would be a good alternative to what's on offer at the hospital.

      You are allowing them quality time together without the hassle of planning to make or buy meals.

      I wish you all the best and hope your dear friend has a peaceful and pain free exit from this life when the time comes.

    • JelIyfish on 22/12/2022 - 11:52

      With everything considered I think this is a good option, nice one :)

  • kubrikates on 21/12/2022 - 20:55
    +3

    This is probably an extremely out there idea but I think you should consider recommending they try this psilocybin therapy for patients in end stage palliative care. https://www.svhm.org.au/newsroom/news/australia-s-first-psyc…

  • Logical on 21/12/2022 - 21:33
    +1

    When in hospital I heard that some people with cancer on their way out wanted to hear a violin play and the doctor on the ward bought one in and played for them while in hospital. Maybe some kind of piano recital somewhere for your friend… I know it gives me goosebumps!

  • Marty-69 on 21/12/2022 - 21:52

    Sydney seaplanes do scenic flights to beaches for a picnic or to restaurants for lunch or dinner.

  • OzPandaGirl on 21/12/2022 - 22:37
    +4

    @Nikko

    These may be helpful

    Cancer Council -financial and emotional support and information. This includes services for loved ones. This is a national organisation that also has state links and info in different languages.

    https://www.cancer.org.au/support-and-services

    This is a NSW cancer service
    https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/get-support/

    A NSW govt site

    https://www.cancer.nsw.gov.au/what-we-do/supporting-cancer-c…

    Centrelink assistance

    https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/cancer-information/legal-wo…

    Another national organisation

    https://www.canceraustralia.gov.au/impacted-cancer/cancer-su…

    They may have info your friends family don't already have. Its also really important for the sister, dad and fiance to get support if possible. I wish I had accessed some while being with my brother for the 5 weeks leading up to his death. I had some free counselling through a support group for carers in WA after he died.

    There may also be a cancer organisation for the specific cancer she has that can provide more targeted support and information to her and those closest to her.

    What you both have already done is brilliant and I know her loved ones will appreciate everything.

    With kindness

    Mel

    • Daniel Plainview on 22/12/2022 - 13:16

      @melSurveys
      Much thanks as always - I've just passed this on directly to her fiance Thank you. :-)

    • Littlevu on 22/12/2022 - 21:39
      +2

      I can confirm Cancer Council has financial planners who do pro bono. I’ve worked on a few cases and it was mainly helping with insurance claim. Nothing more satisfying then having the claim approved so client have the financial freedom to make as much memories as they can with their family.

      Nikko, you and your wife are the kind of friends everyone needs in their life. You have my respect.

      • Daniel Plainview on 23/12/2022 - 09:11

        Much thanks for your kind words - my wife is the nice one, I'm the kaboose dragged along behind. ;-)

        Have passed on Cancer Council info - much thanks again. :-)

  • holybargainbatman on 21/12/2022 - 22:56

    Sorry to hear of your friends prognosis. I haven't read the comments but maybe a photoshoot for her and her husband and then put together an album for her with some of the pics as well as pics of other people and times that are important/special to her with notes from each person. A nice something to reflect that is portable and can be taken with her to hospice care if needed.

  • tight1 on 21/12/2022 - 23:54
    -1

    Not medical advice. If had late stage cancer, i'd be taking a shot on this stuff.

    https://www.fenbendazole.org/

    You might consider pointing out Joe Tippens story to your friend.

    Best o luck

  • Talonparty on 22/12/2022 - 02:02
    +7

    My mum died recently. We knew it was coming for a little while. I wanted to get her out doing stuff in a wheelchair after she was in palliative care but she was content staying at home on her sofa with her family visiting her.

    At the time I beat myself up thinking 'this can't be what she wants though all we do is come and watch TV' but that wasn't it. Now she is gone I see it for what it was. She just wanted to spend time together and it didn't matter what we did. Now I look back, I look back so fondly with sad but happy tears. We really did do what she wanted to do. We visited and played spoke and watched TV. I'd give an awful lot for just one more afternoon.

    I guess my point is, I don't really think it matters what you do just that you spend time together. In the end other people will always be the most interesting and fulfilling thing in our lives. Just my opinion I suppose, but don't get too worked up on the activity and just focus on the person.

  • Juliusdesign on 22/12/2022 - 03:17
    +1

    There is some foundation that helps people in similar situations. I’ll send you a dm. I was hired to photograph a family who the wife got cancer.

  • UseHerName on 22/12/2022 - 05:50

    Op & wife, I'm really sorry about your friend and hope you get to have great memories to share with her.

  • Takeonme on 22/12/2022 - 08:09

    Sensory deprivation tank?

    https://www.sydneyfloatcentre.com.au/

  • TerryJustTerry on 22/12/2022 - 08:23

    A lunch or High Tea at Gunners Barracks - You mentioned she is into food and this place has amazing view + great food :)

    Not the whole gift but maybe as part of the gift ?

    P.s Very sorry to hear !

  • [Deactivated] on 22/12/2022 - 09:58
    -4

    Few Mths to Live
    She is marrying her long time partner over the next few weeks

    I don't get why you'd marry someone when you're about to leave and you'd give him more pain when you're gone.

    • Diji on 22/12/2022 - 10:45
      +3

      If they've been together a long time already, how does having a ceremony cause more pain? Seems more like celebrating the time they've been together.

      • [Deactivated] on 22/12/2022 - 23:35
        -1

        Thanks for your input Diji.

  • Hangryuman on 22/12/2022 - 10:47
    +1

    my mother was diagnosed with cancer and given 3 months to live - she lived another 3 years.

    at the end of life, people almost never say they wished they'd spent more time at the office,

    it's always regrets about not spending more time with loved ones

    if you want to give experience, are there loved ones in remote locations you could fly in to visit them that they'd appreciate

    I'd ask the woman and those who know her best, what she enjoys and what she would most likely want the most

    I'm guessing not so much travel and strange places lacking needed facilities that could be tiring and stressful,

    and more likely time with loved ones

  • tomieraw on 22/12/2022 - 10:55
    -1

    This would need to be discuss with family and her partner and very extreme but look into funding egg freeze.
    This way in the future he can have a child with her through a surrogate.
    She lives on through her children.

  • drfuzzy on 22/12/2022 - 10:55

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend's situation. It's natural to want to do something special for her and her partner in this difficult time. Here are a few ideas for experiences you might consider as a wedding gift for them in the greater Sydney area:

    A romantic dinner at a nice restaurant
    An overnight stay at a luxury hotel or bed and breakfast
    A pampering day at a spa
    A private cooking class or wine tasting
    A boat tour or scenic flight over Sydney
    A private photo shoot or portrait session
    An art or music class or workshop
    A private guided tour of a museum or cultural attraction

    I hope these suggestions are helpful. It's important to keep in mind that your friend's comfort and physical ability should be the top priority. You might want to consider talking with her and her partner directly to get a sense of what they might enjoy and be able to manage at this time. Wishing you and your friend all the best.

  • johnfuller on 22/12/2022 - 13:01
    +2

    I'm sorry to hear about your loved one's situation. It can be difficult to know what to do or say in a situation like this, but it's important to let your loved one know that you are there for them and that you care about them.

    Here are a few gift ideas that might bring some comfort and joy to someone who is facing terminal cancer:

    • A cozy blanket or throw to snuggle up with while they rest
    • A journal or notebook to write down their thoughts and feelings
    • A box of their favorite treats or candies
    • A gift card to their favorite restaurant or store
    • A comforting candle or essential oil diffuser
    • A book or magazine to pass the time
    • A comforting massage or spa day
    • A personalized piece of artwork or photo album
    • A gift basket filled with their favorite things
    • A gift certificate for a special activity or experience, like a concert or show, a trip to a favorite place, or a relaxing day at a local spa.

    It's also important to remember that sometimes the best gift is simply the gift of time and presence. Spending quality time with your loved one and being there to support them can be one of the most valuable gifts you can give.

  • Gowrie29 on 22/12/2022 - 14:26
    +1

    I have recently gone through this with a friend passing away in April. My best mates fiance passed away from cancer. I am sorry for what you are going through. It is crushing.

    I'd ask them what they want. Your friend sounds really unwell and the timeline can change quite considerably - your experience may well be too much for them to actually participate in.

    They will definately have goals they want in their short time so you might as well help them to achieve those.

  • vengeance88 on 22/12/2022 - 15:44

    A friend's sister died very young a few years ago. She had a bucket list which she published on facebook. One thing that came up was that she was a Disney fan. The Lion King stage show was in town so I contacted management and they were happy to shout her a couple of premium tickets. A whole bunch of family members paid for their own tickets and they made a night of it.

    Maybe check out Ticketmaster etc to see what is in your friend's local area?

  • Ceri on 22/12/2022 - 19:58

    If they have never been, I reckon few days cruise is very good because it's all inclusive and they can do whatever they want away from ppl they know for a few days..

  • whyisave on 22/12/2022 - 21:46

    Hello.
    How old is your friend ?
    I tried to find this, but I could not.

  • Daniel Plainview on 23/12/2022 - 09:24
    +2

    I'm just going to share this as something of an additional post-script (as mentioned earlier in the thread & in the editted OP, I ended up following the advice of several OzBers who I know have sadly lost loved ones to Cancer, who advised me that food prep/meals is an area that can be burdensome in such times - especially if the primary cook in a house is the one dying, so we bought them $1000 of Uber Eats gift cards).

    It seems atleast the logic behind this choice seems rationale, as they have contacted us and advised that meal preparation had been a difficult area for them - and that the woman dying, was the primary cook for the household. Her partner on top of his existing distress had felt weighed by his limitations in the kitchen and desire to give her good and tasty food - as there's really not a lot else he can get/do for her.

    He said this would assist them greatly - and that they'd be using straight away to have a nice meal together. Sure enough with no prompting at all from us they forwarded info and photos advising they'd ordered from a local restaurant and had plenty left for tomorrow as well.

    Suffice to say my wife and I took great comfort in that and let them know we appreciated their very kind feedback and were just happy to assist in some small way.

    So I post this just as it might assist others who go down this terrible path - it does seem to be something you can do, which is easy and while seeming passe & dull is actually a critical cog in making the worst days in these people's lives, just a tiny bit easier to get through. :-)

  • Lord Fart Bucket on 23/12/2022 - 09:35

    Hey Nikko, sorry to hear that. Cancer is a bastard… it takes too many people too soon. I got a friend who had trouble breathing after covid, then got diagnosed with multiple myeloma and is now given a few months.

    As much as you want to give something, which is truly amazing, here's a different suggestion. What will be worth more than your money is your company. See if your friend and partner are up for a visit, get down to Sydney and spend time together. Could be as simple as take away fish and chips.

    Something else you can do… donate blood. Each cancer patient needs it while undergoing treatment. I wish i could cure cancer, but there are some smarter people than me working on that. I will just do my bit, heading off to the Red Cross every so often to give something that doesn't cost me anything.

    • Daniel Plainview on 23/12/2022 - 10:06
      +1

      Hi,

      Thanks for ideas - as mentioned we live 700km away, just drove down a week ago to have to come back. It's not easy to just up and go such a distance. And they want time to themselves.

      I was a long term blood donor, and it's embarrassing and pretty pathetic that more Australians don't - there's a stat which states 1 in 3 Australians need blood or a blood derived product in their lives, yet only 1 in 30 actually donate.

      FWIW I stopped as it shitted me that CSL was making bucketloads of $$$ out of every single donation - it's something like $1000-1500 IIRC - I don't wish to digress into the pay for donations argument but it rankled me that every single person in the donation chain is doing it for profit, except the person with the needle in their arm - who is the one you really can't do it without. And is the only one taking actual physical harm, discomfort and even health risks to do so.

      I'd be happy to donate again as long as CSL were doing all the work for 'cost price' - or they can have a milkshake and cookie, like I got. ;-)

      Haha hopefully others won't be such curmudgeons, so donating blood is an excellent thing for members of our society to do as sadly a huge burden is taken up by a small number of people who sometimes give hundreds and hundreds of donations. Not really fair to expect others to do for you and your family when you won't. :-/

  • milkabuck on 23/12/2022 - 13:42
    +2

    No idea for an experience here, just my hopes that their last few months together can be special.
    Just want to say that if you've got anything you're worried about on your body, a lump, or suddenly a different feeling / behaviour, please get it checked. My wife found a lump at the start of the year. Turns out yes it was cancer but that, very thankfully, it had only spread to 1 lymph node. Chemo, surgery, radiation therapy all done just some targeted therapies to go. She's recovered and has a very good prognosis but it's because she acted quickly. Waiting on this stuff never makes it better.

  • Oz em on 23/12/2022 - 19:14

    I wonder if a hot air balloon ride would be doable. I think it’s in the price range and they have some romance packages.

  • raiseyoursteaks on 24/12/2022 - 00:24

    Very sorry about your friend and also a big reminder to us on how fragile can life be. You're a great friend, and you be strong too.

    I was just thinking about what would be the best thing to gift, and lasting experience, the best meal. I was thinking of it was possible to hire help for her house. It's also worth planning (if permit) with her on all the memories she would want to re-live, sometimes it's not always the best new experience. But that one particular cake shop that brings good memories of her family for example. Some one said to hire a chef to her place with the closest of friends, that's good.

  • Daniel Plainview on 20/01/2023 - 09:30
    +4

    Just as a post-script, the lady passed away last evening. I did suspect it would take her fast but that was incredibly quick. She went from finding out from her GP that her odd pains were cancer in mid-NOV22 - to dying in palliative care yesterday. She was 48 or so and in otherwise good health.

    So as others have said PLEASE stay on top of this type of thing - get things that don't seem quite right checked out, don't assume they will be ok.

    Again much thanks to those who assisted - in her last days she relayed to my wife that the vouchers for Uber Food we'd gotten them as a wedding gift had been (in her words) "a godsend" - as they'd not been able or motivated to cook and it just made the worst days ever a tiny bit more bearable.

    So it was an excellent suggestion. Thanks again.

    • Triple J on 20/01/2023 - 10:27
      +1

      So sorry for your loss.

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