I Bought a Apartment by Myself. What Is My Girlfriend Entitled to IF We Break up?

Lbigbunj92 on 30/08/2023 - 16:20
Last edited 31/08/2023 - 13:00

Edit: Thanks all, really value all your input (and horror stories / regrets lol). I'll take all this info on board and consult with my family's lawyer accordingly!

I can’t seem to get a straight answer anywhere else online, so naturally, I’ve come to OzB

I’m in the fortunate position where I’ve been able to buy an apartment as a PPoR. I’m also in a de facto relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for less than two years, and have been living together for 1 year (both on the lease). The intent would be that we both live together in this new PPoR. I bought the apartment using my funds only, and it’s only my name on the offer sheet and the contract.

We don’t have joint bank accounts. Up until this point, we have split the cost or take turns sharing the cost of the things we both reasonably consume together (i.e., lunches, bills, groceries). If we want/need to buy something for just ourselves (i.e., clothes, car insurance, petrol, social sports, etc.), we do that with our own money from our own accounts.

[I realise lots of couples have shared bank accounts and do the whole ‘shared account, plus two person accounts’ thing, but we’re not at that stage in our relationship yet. Or at least I’m not ready for that yet lol. One day I’m sure I will be, and perhaps that will dramatically change the scenario I’m describing and i'll seek advice accordingly.]

My intent for now was to just charge my partner “rent” of sorts to help contribute to the mortgage repayments of the PPoR for us both – I’d be happy to do this formally or informally. Consensus online seems to be that you charge half the marketplace rent for the same type of living situation you could find on the open market, which is basically in-line with what my intent was in the first place. Say, $180 a week to live in a 3bed 2bath apartment with me. I figured this would be a reasonable thing to do and would also help her to continue to build her own nest-egg for her to do whatever she wants with in the future – either with or without me.

The part where I’m worried is based on a work colleagues’ story. He reckons he has a “buddy” who was in the same position as me, and lost half his house when he broke up with his girlfriend even though she didn’t contribute to the cost of buying the house. This has naturally got me a bit freaked out, despite my best efforts to ignore stories about “buddies of mine” lol.

Can someone point me to the answers on this, or provide some advice?

Financial

Comments

      • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 01:39

        Sure, that sounds so fair and reasonable .. and you have faith the law will be fair and look after you .. but what gets overlooked ..

        (a) is the future earning capacity crap

        (b) do you agree or have any say for the other other person to do nothing and sit around the house but it's gets assessed as an amazing contribution

        The laws are designed to look after the poor helpless homemaker from the 1960s.

  • cupcake on 31/08/2023 - 10:19

    You need to speak to a family solicitor.
    If you were serious about her, you would let her live there for free, and save up for a ring.
    If you don't intend to have a future with her, you should be honest and say so.
    Defacto relationships are like marriages after two years.
    If she contributes to house expenses, then she will be able to get some money back after you break up.
    If it were me, I would keep the house in my name, all the bills in my name and pay for everything relating to the house myself. Even blinds and plumbing, etc.
    You can ask for her to pay for groceries.
    Good luck.

    • Zondor on 31/08/2023 - 16:00

      "If you were serious about her, you would let her live there for free, and save up for a ring."

      This aint the 40's where you shack up and get married straight away. It takes time to really get to know the person, a few years even.

      • cupcake on 31/08/2023 - 16:01

        It doesn't take a few years to know if she is the one or not.

        • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 16:08
          -1

          Maybe it's a long distance relationship ? Plus people change which is why some folks get divorced even after 30+ years.

        • Zondor on 31/08/2023 - 16:38

          You don't know someone truly until you've lived with them for a few years alone.

  • try2bhelpful on 31/08/2023 - 10:23
    +2

    If I’m reading this correctly then you were already living together before you brought this property. If so did you discuss this with her and get an idea on how she viewed what this all meant? What we aren’t hearing is her voice in all this. How did she think this was going to work? Right now she might be looking for an exit strategy for all we know. It is interesting you came to a bunch of strangers, with predictable views, rather than sorting this out with her.

    People need to be honest up front in any relationship. This allows people to make a decision to go, or stay, based on what they are being presented with. If you see your property as yours and your partner’s property as theirs then structure things accordingly or split up. See a solicitor and see what boundaries are possible.

    My view in any relationship is always have enough of your own money to walk out the door anytime if you want to. If you are worried about being “ripped off” in the relationship then the boundaries can be set. If someone is abusive then they aren’t going to change so get out immediately. We could cutdown a lot on DV situations if the perpetrator said they were going to knock the person around at the start of the relationship. The victim can avoid wasting a lot of their time and the gas lighting.

    When we were at Uni the man and I shared a place with this other lady we met through Uni. We lived with her for a couple of years and she had formed this idea that she would buy a place and we would rent off her. She presented this as a fait d’accompli and was very put out when we said this wasn’t going to happen. Frankly we’d been trying to work on an exit strategy for sometime because she was pretty set that everything should be done her way; this was the excuse we needed.

    • mskeggs on 01/09/2023 - 17:27
      +2

      Honesty in relationships? You’re not going to make it to 50% ending in divorce if people are honest.
      In my family each partner has a credit car in their own name, in addition to our shared bank accounts etc. If you aren’t planning to thump your spouse, it isn’t threatening to make sure they can leave if they needed to.
      But the reality is we have been together a long time now, and a men’s rights campaigner would look at our combined history which included time not working raising kids and other time at uni with little income, and determine the ‘breadwinner’ should have a disproportionate share of finances in a split. But I suspect they would be reluctant to only get a fraction of child custody if their time spent away from child raising was counted in the same way.

      The de facto laws protect the partner who isn’t aware their love interest actually isn’t keen on a long term relationship.

      • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 17:45
        +1

        Absolutely. Not to mention the 9 months fathers are renting a womb to bring their child into the world. That adds up to a fair amount of dough, even if you consider it 4.5 months as a split.

        The absolute joke is by their own definition I should be able to leave the man destitute. My wage paid off the house, I earned almost double what the man earned in the end. I'm the one who has the higher Super, I'm the one paying the credit card, I have more in the bank account. I have more shares. However, the idea that if for some insane reason we did split up that I would expect him to have less than half is just ludicrous. He has paid his dues, over 40 plus years, having to put up with me.

        I did a second degree so I could move into IT and the man didn't blink to support me for three years. We didn't have any documentation to say I would pay him back if we split up. When we bought the house it was my wage that paid it off, but I don't consider this my house. If you go into a relationship by wondering what is in it for you then don't be surprised if the other person is only concentrating on what is in it for them.

        We've been together for 43 years. The day is littered with us saying please and thankyou to each other. My mother once said "marry him before he changes his mind". She couldn't believe her problem child had lucked out so well, neither can I.

  • Protractor on 31/08/2023 - 10:27
    +3

    "What Is My Girlfriend Entitled to IF We Break up?"

    Your slippery, still warm gonads. With a nice Chianti and maybe some ( one else's) faba beans, on the side.
    Because when she goes through your phone and reads this thread, your ass is hers.

  • taradavey on 31/08/2023 - 11:17
    +18

    Ah this whole thread makes me sad.

    I'm in the same boat that I have purchased my own apartment and had a partner living with me briefly until we recently broke up.

    While I think you are being very responsible by thinking about these things, I would say: Don't let it keep you up at night.

    If you were defacto and you lived together in a rental a partner could still try and take you to court for your assets (Super, car, etc). The fact it is your home is why it's scarier.
    Remember, if they are trying to claim a portion of your assets in the future, it's a portion of assets. Meaning the equity you have on your home.
    Say you break up in 2 years. Say the apartment is valued at $500,000, and you have a loan against the property for $300,000, that's $200,000 equity. Remember that IF this happened (big IF), in this instance, you would likely have the option to refinance your home loan to pay her out with that money. Not ideal, but it wouldn't leave you homeless.

    Before my current situation, I was married and we owned a home (no kids). After our separation, we sold our property, and the property settlement agreement acted as our marriage settlement (ie: we didn't split any other money(. I had a personal loan that we both were paying off that was from our wedding/honeymoon (and partially from my car). After the property sold, the profits paid out this personal loan (she didn't care that it was partly paying out my car), and then we split the remaining money 50/50. I had looked at buying her share of the house out, and she had provided a fair $$ figure for payout, but it wasn't possible for me then.

    My ex partner who just moved out of my apartment (that I own) just took his stuff, and left. There wasn't even a thought of 'assets' needed to be split, because it was my apartment and he was a decent man.

    My brother divorced his wife who was on the pathway of being the type of person you'd expect to 'come for his money' after the divorce (doing all that passive-aggressive breakup stuff like posting on social media, etc). He has a thriving business with lots of assets, for a while she wasn't working and was preparing meals and caring for their house (everything that could be defined as contributions). They were married for over 5 years. But they divorced, they had no financial settlement, and that's all.

    The reason I'm telling you this is to show some examples where it hasn't gone wrong. You'll always hear about the messy, shitty situations post divorce/breakup but you rarely hear of the good ones. I truly believed that my ex wife would not ever get nasty, even when big assets were involved, and she didn't.

    Trust your own judgement of this person, and weigh up the risks. You've been together for 2 years, living together for one. You know them well at this point, you know their attitudes and their demeanour and their morals. Don't get caught up in anxiety from all these people commenting saying you're going to be screwed. If they are the type of person who will try and take you for your money, they could've done so even in a rental.

    If you guys do break up, and she starts to try and take some of your assets, then get a good lawyer. My lawyer gave me the advice in my situation "After you've separated homes and they've completely moved out, if they are trying to get any sum of money from you, then come to me and we'll draw up an agreement so that is the final amount they can get"

    Good luck, congratulations on the apartment (What an achievement!), and I wish you and your girlfriend all the best!

    • Windows7forever on 31/08/2023 - 18:09
      +1

      Wait, so even if you rent together she can still take half your house? That's F'ed up. Does anyone have sources to back this up?

      • mskeggs on 01/09/2023 - 20:14
        +2

        If you are in a marriage or de facto relationship, and you accumulate assets, why wouldn’t they be divided up when you divorce?
        A lot of posts here seem to gloss over the idea that if you are in a long term relationship where you accumulate assets, they are divided if the relationship breaks down. If you own a house, get married, then divorce the next day, the family court isn’t going to award half your house to your ex-wife.

        But if you put down a deposit on a house, get in a relationship that lasts many years, then breaks down - you don’t get to say that house is all mine because I paid the first 10%.

    • PaperplaneXXX on 31/08/2023 - 19:38
      +1

      It is sad though that Lawyers will get a big portion with their 400-600 AUD per hour fees.
      thats no good

  • ely on 31/08/2023 - 12:00
    -1

    Get a binding financial agreement in place ASAP which states that it's your property. A few thousand to set up but it's the only way to protect the asset if that's your concern, otherwise it'll be part your partners in the near future.

    • PaperplaneXXX on 31/08/2023 - 19:40
      +1

      it costs a lot btw. 10-15 k easily.

      And I heard that in a court of law this agreement doesn't really weigh up in some cases.
      so …. no guarantees

  • Lunarboogie on 31/08/2023 - 12:09
    +9

    I know most of the comments on here sound overly negative but it's appropriate. Let's crunch the numbers.

    50 per cent of marriages end in divorce. Another 5 per cent split without pursuing the paperwork (a divorce certificate alone will set you back $1000). Then maybe another 10 per cent stay together only for the kids or assets and end up depressed and miserable. That's 70 per cent there bro.

    If you had a 70 per cent chance of being struck by a bowling ball on a daily basis, you'd never leave home or at least wear a helmet. The odds are that this relationship will fail so you need to minimise all losses to you when that happens. And if you do thread the needle than all power to you but that's no reason why you shouldn’t remain forearmed.

    I was young once too and thought all those doomsday predictions would never happen to me. Until it did and I wished I'd listened to the grizzly wise owls who had tried to warn me.

    • Ziggy28 on 31/08/2023 - 15:45

      That's why youtube channels like Better Bachelor, Strong Successful Male, Taylor the Fiend etc. are so popular these days.

  • FreeUyghur on 31/08/2023 - 12:35

    If am not wrong if you live together at least 6 months, she might get %50 of your wealth.
    After 2 years definitely in most states regardless of having a child or not.

  • hippyhippy on 31/08/2023 - 12:42
    +4

    im married (happily for now) … but if it was single… in this day and age, MGTOW is the way to go… unless u find a girl with alot more assets than you.

  • vwka on 31/08/2023 - 12:47
    +1

    Been thru it myslef. Law here is biased towards men and who has assets. Suggest protect yourself ASAP

    • ely on 31/08/2023 - 22:27

      Law here is pretty decent, if anything biased against those that earn less and have fewer assets but that (to me) seems reasonably fair.

  • Sweet3st on 31/08/2023 - 13:07
    +4

    It's my experience that men generally want a relationship with a woman much more than women want a relationship with a man. Reading this thread it's not hard to see why.

    • Protractor on 31/08/2023 - 15:10

      Hence women getting half a mans assets and then wanting a woman?

  • thesaver on 31/08/2023 - 14:02
    +4

    I have been in this situation a number of times. I have owned my own house for many years and have had 4 live in GF's during that time. I have never told any of them that I own the property and simply that I'm renting it. A few tips make sure you sign up for online rates notices only I use to have a po box but now just set it up for online only. I have a hyphenated last name but only use one name in public and only use the hyphenated last name for legal documents.This prevents the GF ever doing an RP data search if they suspect everything. I never tell anyone my full last name and never introduce the GF to family. I am not the most trusting person in the world, however have worked hard and I am not prepared to share what I have with anyone. Normally this causes my relashionships to end at some point, however you can always get another GF a lot harder to get another house.

    • Windows7forever on 31/08/2023 - 18:04
      +4

      It's sad that this is the legal world us single men have to live in. I don't know how you could keep such a big secret from your partners for so long. I'd cave in and spill the beans much sooner. It definitely results in trust issues that unfortunately is the kiss of death for most relationships. Sooner or later the truth comes out.

      • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 18:26
        +1

        You blokes & your trust issues. Maybe you'll be in better relationships after you understand your trust issues.

        • LFO on 31/08/2023 - 18:29
          +6

          Money and trust don't mix.

          • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 18:29

            @LFO: Who taught you that? Mummy?

            • LFO on 31/08/2023 - 18:41
              +3

              @[Deactivated]: Common sense shown by my father taught me that.

              Mother taught me of unconditional love, indefatigable perseverance, unlimited patience and relentless affection. And also that not all women are able to, choose carefully she said.

              Did your mummy missed all that bit?

              • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 19:02
                -3

                @LFO: Your mummy obviously forgot to have the period products talk with you as she was too busy with the mollycoddling.

        • mitt on 31/08/2023 - 20:41
          +3

          Yeah thats the usual gaslighting that is offered as a guy is set up to be robbed of everything he has built.

          Don't fall for it people, protect yourself.

          • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 20:53
            -2

            @mitt: I'm actually quite sad at the prevailing mindset of the majority of the one-sided responses.

            Don't you want to be in a relationship? To be loved & in love with your partner? To build a future together?

            There seems to be a certain scaremongering that anyone that you get involved with is just interested in your bank a/c & assets so avoid at all costs & miss out on any chance of personal happiness.

            • mitt on 01/09/2023 - 10:23
              +5

              @[Deactivated]: I would love to be in a lifelong relationship where I can commit to building something to last a lifetime, but as it stands its just not feasible for the majority of men. You cant build on quicksand. We have spent decades ensuring women are protected in the case of a relationship breaking down but you cant eliminate risk, only transfer it. So the downside risks we wanted to protect women from got transferred onto men (on paper its the higher income earner, but paper doesn't run family court, people do).

              It amazes me that some people can be so bewildered about why men wont put their neck on that chopping block & trust the benevolence of someone else for 50+ years that the axe wont drop. As if people dont change over the decades.

              Meanwhile marriage rates continue to collapse & the proportion of childless adults continues to grow. The only real move men have when faced with a raw deal is to withdraw, so they are.

              • OzBarAnon on 01/09/2023 - 12:35

                @mitt: Check out, have no stable marriages, no children, and no future for the country. Just hope that everything hold together long enough that you can go out happily and that the house of cards collapses on the suckers you left behind. Thank you, very cool.

                • mitt on 01/09/2023 - 16:16

                  @OzBarAnon: Exactly this, yes. Very few people work hard & support the holy GDP out of the kindness of their hearts. There has to be something in it for each person. Men will invest & sacrifice for their family & the nation they will live in for generations to come, they will check out if what's on offer is to give up what you have built to be a part time babysitter for your own children.

                  We are only just starting to glimpse the knock on consequences of our current paradigm. Economists are already worried about how we are going to pay for our aging population, but they aren't accounting for the significant number of men that would have been productive 9-5 worker bees if they had a family to support, but without one, why work so hard?

    • DingoBilly on 01/09/2023 - 09:20
      +1

      I'm not sure what this achieves to be honest. Your GF lives in the house for 2 years and is then entitled to half your assets… the fact you've been keeping your financials a secret from her is a massive red flag and a good reason for them to leave you in the first place.

      This seems like a very odd-school way of thinking, sort of like the "This weird growth looks bad. As long as I don't see a doctor to confirm what it is I'll be ok".

      • [Deactivated] on 01/09/2023 - 10:13

        I'm bemused by your analogy.

    • Juice-Wa on 01/09/2023 - 10:26

      Sounds more like an extended one night stand than a relationship, jeez

    • OzBarAnon on 01/09/2023 - 12:38
      +1

      Why have a gf to begin with? Some short-term carnal pleasure? "I am not prepared to share what I have with anyone." Very nihilistic outlook.

      • thesaver on 01/09/2023 - 14:26

        I enjoy the company, walks on the beach, sharing a meal, I just don't want to give away 1/2 of what I have earned. I understand I have some serious trust issues and that at some point normally 6 months to a year the relashionship will end. I always finish the relashionship amicably and then begin the search for a new mate. I'm in my early 40's and it's worked very well for me I'm happy and haven't had anyone sponge of me.

        • OzBarAnon on 01/09/2023 - 15:20
          +3

          I hope you make it clear to them that you have no intention for a long-term relationship with them. I don't think it's right to string someone along under the pretense of commitment when you fully expect to rotate them out after a year. It's not just you in the relationship, you're very much potentially playing with their hearts too.

        • Lunarboogie on 01/09/2023 - 20:05

          You should be honest with them, bro. I've come to discover that there are plenty of women who'll accept those conditions if she can get something out of it too. Sex usually but often temporary companionship. The main thing for you is to be transparent about your intentions.

        • Some Human on 02/09/2023 - 02:39

          You have every right to be distrustful. People are becoming increasingly greedy and lazy and are looking for an easy ticket to home ownership.

  • blackhorn on 31/08/2023 - 15:56

    can you charge her a rent ? and transfer the property to your parents.

    • bdl on 31/08/2023 - 16:38
      +2

      Doesn't work like that

  • cheekymonkey97 on 31/08/2023 - 17:13
    +1

    Lmao, I think about this every time women complain about bUT mY eQuALitY

    • [Deactivated] on 31/08/2023 - 18:24

      Innit

  • Windows7forever on 31/08/2023 - 18:00

    If you're a male home owner I would strongly suggest you either rent with your partner or live in her property(if she has one). It will reduce your collateral risk immensely if things go pear shaped in the future.

    • try2bhelpful on 31/08/2023 - 18:01

      So you are offloading your risk onto her? Charming.

      • LFO on 31/08/2023 - 18:28
        +4

        Men had no chance on earth to "claim" half the assets.

        In Australia it has always been the other way: Girl gets half of boy's toys.

        • ely on 31/08/2023 - 22:29

          Half? If the boy is lucky, more likely to he'll get to keep 40%.

      • mitt on 31/08/2023 - 20:43

        The last 50 years have been defined by women offloading their risk onto men. Women's rights advance, but women's responsibilities stagnate.

        Now you are upset when the same song gets played back at you?

        Too bad.

        • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 00:02
          +2

          It's not really about women vs men.

          It's about the working partner vs non-working partner with laws defined when a chick would stay at home with the kids. Times have changed.

          • mitt on 01/09/2023 - 10:12

            @matt-ozb: On paper sure, but I know of two cases personally where both earned a similar amount & the guy still got tossed out on his ass. They did one of them the favour of giving him the car to sleep in. Family court is poison.

    • bigsaver on 31/08/2023 - 22:32
      +3

      that makes no difference…I was in this exact situation, rent together but I have an investment property which is now about to be split.. family law is pathetic

  • kingsville on 31/08/2023 - 18:03

    In my understanding 'getting half' is a myth.

    The assets people bring to a relationship matters, not just the assets at the end.

    I suggest that you document and agree what assets you have when you start being de facto.
    I would expect that the GROWTH in these assets during the relationship is shared equally, not the absolute value.

    • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 00:04
      +3

      yep, good in theory .. but it's gets lost pretty quickly .. then they forget the huge concept of future earning capacity.

      basically, in australia it pays not to overwork .. taxes and family law .. not really setup for hard working people.

  • try2bhelpful on 31/08/2023 - 18:07
    +1

    Reading some of these posts reminds me of HHGTTG talking about Vogons.

    ARTHUR DENT: Charming, these Vogons. I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry one.
    FORD PREFECT:You wouldn’t need to - they’ve got as much sex appeal as a road accident.

    All I say is make sure you are upfront with your views. I would hate for you to waste some woman’s time and effort.

    • LFO on 31/08/2023 - 18:25

      "to waste some woman’s time and effort."

      Definetly is not wasted. It is all part of her plan. Takes time but she will get there. Some male will fall for it. And pay.

      • try2bhelpful on 31/08/2023 - 23:18

        Funnily enough not what is happening around the world. Governments are realising a lot of women aren’t getting married or having children. If you look at the comments here no wonder women are refusing to go down this path. You guys sure have tickets on yourselves.

      • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 13:54

        It's not about women and men .. it's about the hard workers and slackers

        • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 13:55

          Yup, and the spectrum covers all aspects of the relationship when it comes to hard workers and slackers.

    • Rukiata on 01/09/2023 - 21:53

      This is the best comment here, most of these comments are disgusting lol.
      some lonely people have trust issues..

      I just know what I have going for me right now me or my mate would never do this to each other, i dont see why op would date someone they dont trust, or many of these comments on here.. are questionable.

  • LFO on 31/08/2023 - 18:23

    One option:

    Get a Trust (your own, that is), the Trust own the dwelling, your then RENT (paying and all) your dwelling. Even "lease" expensive furniture and electronics. So she knows you have "nothing" and only real love will keep her with you.

    If you have a worthwhile girlfriend suggest to BUY a property together rather than "renting".
    This could be good indication for her real intentions/projects.

    Not a lawyer but think is correct.

    Prenups and basically TOTALLY worthless.

    A young, well known Gold Coast swimmer lost millions when the aspiring musician he married decided to split. And he had a prenup. Worthless.

    • plmko on 31/08/2023 - 23:50
      +1

      Lmao so then who is the trustee or director of that trust? Who are the end beneficiaries?

      Hint: You

      • JIMB0 on 01/09/2023 - 09:58
        +1

        Correct. For this to work you need to prove to the family court that you have no control of the trust at all and are simply a beneficiary, preferably one of many.

        • LFO on 01/09/2023 - 13:47

          The point of having a properly and legally set "Trust" is to totally dissociate assets to individuals.
          The trust owns assets, the trust manages assets, the trust distributes funds. Faceless.

          Not a lawyer nor and account but that's my understanding.

          Otherwise why there are SOOOOOOO many trusts out there.

          Shielded from tax obligations must logically also include many other institutions. My thinking only.

          • JIMB0 on 01/09/2023 - 22:20

            @LFO: Trusts can shield you from all sorts of things, but not from the family court.

  • bigsaver on 31/08/2023 - 22:23
    +11

    I'm going through this now and most like will lose half even though she never paid one cent for any expenses…

    Do you really see her as wife/long term partner? Does she make similar money than you and have similar goals/ambitions in life? If you answered "No" to any of the questions, break up NOW…Otherwise, she will lawyer up and F you up when you break up a few years down the track. Since you are together for less than 2 years you might just escape unscratched if you do it now..

    If you think she's the one then get an overvalued valuation (say $100K more than actual value) of your property and back date to the day she moved into .. Get a lawyer ASAP and draft a BFA (Binding financial agreement) … Overvalue all your assets if possible hoping that, if you break up in the future, you get to keep what you had prior to the relationship started… Note that you have children, the BFA is most likely void so get it written to cover you a$$ in that case too..

    never ever believe when she says "I don't want anything" … it's a lie and will just make your angry with yourself in the future… good luck!

    • LFO on 01/09/2023 - 13:56

      Good luck with your affairs, that is REAL life. Unfortunately.

      As yet another example of injustice: a (wealthy) relative, young and ambitious married the "perfect girl" … perfect up until she decided to get divorced.

      As she NEVER contributed financially to anything, she couldn't get the "half" she probably planned.

      But still she received, get this, the EQUIVALENT of all the unemployment benefit she didn't receive during marriage. About $20K.

      And that is REAL life. Unfortunately.

      All the best, and thank you for enlightening others with your real life experience.

      • matt-ozb on 02/09/2023 - 01:38
        +2

        $20k is peanuts … Most people with horror stories here are losing many hundreds of thousands. Life changing.

        • LFO on 02/09/2023 - 20:42

          Agree $20K is far less than a financially destroying event, but this is a good example of how twisted and corrupt the system is, given inappropriate rights and privileges to the female.

          Even for an OBVIOUS case like this, she still got money for nothing.

          There are no limits on some female's greed and the corrupt system that encourages them.

          Men with wealth are at risk.

  • Sweet3st on 31/08/2023 - 23:14
    +5

    I don't have a beef with OP wanting to 'protect his assets' (what assets?!) but he obviously hasn't discussed this in an upfront and transparent way with his GF. Otherwise he wouldn't be posting here. All these comments about how devious and mercenary women are… but what is OP doing? He wants to take measures behind her back to keep things sweet with her. That's just plain deceitful. She'll find out sooner or later and will understandably feel angry and betrayed… you reap what you sow.

    • dji1111111 on 01/09/2023 - 07:22
      +3

      Lol deceitful? Blame the ridiculous family law in this country. The fact is a majority of woman out there will get offended by just knowing that you even thought about such situation. Some probably get angry because they feel like they lose that ace card up their sleeve if the relationship goes south.
      Many men out there tried to do the right thing and got screwed over. I know 2 men in my circle who lost a good chunk of their wealth through relationship breakdown.

      • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 09:13
        +1

        It's not a male vs female thing .. it's a hard worker vs slacker thing.

        A working women will get screwed by a slacker too.

        • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 09:17

          Thank you. In fact there is a saying which is Sexually Transmitted Debt. This happens both ways where people rack up debt that has the partner as a guarantor. It happened to a female friend of mine. They guy was an absolute piece of work.

        • dji1111111 on 01/09/2023 - 16:53

          Live in your imaginative utopia where there's equality everywhere. The reality is it's far more common to happen to a male.

          • buckster on 02/09/2023 - 11:20
            +1

            @dji1111111: Plenty of high income earning asset owning women end up in a similar position.

            It's just far less common, because of issues around gender roles and income disparity making that a rarer situation

  • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 00:41
    -1

    What is amusing is it appears that some of you guys seem to only attract gold diggers rather than women who are earning a decent wage. Well the women certainly aren’t being attracted by your winning personalities.

    • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 01:32

      Ok but I tried my best .. trying for 30 years.

      • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 01:35

        If you are part of the group that thinks women are gold diggers then you aren’t learning.

        • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 01:43
          +1

          I don't think so .. I was happy to support my last girlfriend and she could do nothing and chill at home .. after 1 year long distance and a few holidays together, I realised she was just a scammer and lost $20K cash and wasted $20K on holidays.

          It's clearly a sign that it's time to give up.

          • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 09:29

            @matt-ozb: Not to give up just to be more discerning in what you are looking for. There is an old joke that guys go for pretty women, rather than intelligent ones, because they can see better than they can think. Step back and think of what you want from a relationship when you go into it. Be honest up front with the other person. What direction do you want the relationship to take?

            So you think you got nothing for your money? So you didn’t enjoy the holiday you went on? If you need to shower someone with lavish gifts for them to stay maybe the relationship wasn’t strong to start with. Look at what you are bringing to a relationship apart from your wallet. Why would they stay once they know you. I’m not trying to be harsh just saying that long term relationships take a lot of work so both parties have to be doing the day to day grind of making it work.

            • mitt on 01/09/2023 - 10:33

              @try2bhelpful: "Why dont you commit" "Oh that went wrong because you didn't commit properly/ you must be seeking out exploiters/etc". Never the woman's responsibility for exploiting someone, always the guys fault for being exploited, but its only victim blaming when convenient for the person claiming it.

              The usual gaslighting lines.

              Don't fall for it.

              • try2bhelpful on 01/09/2023 - 10:49
                +1

                @mitt: I think you may have missed the point of my post. I’m saying you need to go into a relationship being honest about what you expect it to be and where you expect it to go. I don’t think it was his commitment that was the issue. Why would you spend a lot of money on someone if you don’t have some sort of commitment to the relationship? The issue is why did she leave. Was she, truly, a gold digger which you guys, immediately, jump to or did she genuinely think the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. What was happening at the day to day level. Why are you guys so frightened to look at that instead of going through a string of relationships that fail.

                Gaslighting would be pretending to commit to someone when looking for the next option available. Now who, traditionally, does that?

                My other point is if you have such a poor opinion of women then please make those views clear up front so any potential partner can make a decision from the outset. It is easier to walk out the door when you haven’t invested anything into the relationship.

                Everyday I’m grateful I found my guy early on and avoided kissing all the toads.

            • matt-ozb on 02/09/2023 - 01:39

              @try2bhelpful: Thanks for thoughts .. haven't ignored .. just thinking.

              Yes, I enjoyed the holidays despite the fact that it was all fake.

              • try2bhelpful on 02/09/2023 - 07:29

                @matt-ozb: I’m not trying to belittle people or deny their experiences. All I’m trying to do is get people to think about what happened and try to avoid the same issues again. Relationships should be about honest communications. Think about why you spent all the money and what you were hoping to achieve. Why you selected that particular woman over others? What each of you brought to the relationship? What each of you could do different. Relationships require tending on a day to day basis. It is cleaning up without prompting, it is cooking, maintenance, courtesy, consideration. If you have a child it is being a co parent rather than a baby sitter. It is recognising it isn’t just your career that is important. Analyse what you think is important in a partner and if what you emphasise is attracting the wrong candidates. If all they are looking for is the Instagrammable moment they might be a tad self absorbed. Think about how they would react on the holiday if you got gastro. That should sift some of the wheat from the chaff.

                Some people here have very toxic views on women. I don’t put you in that category.

    • star-ggg on 01/09/2023 - 10:19
      +1

      So you only date people based on their fortnightly paycheck? What happens if either of you get a promotion or loses a job? Do you have a notice period where the other partner has to find another job with similar pay bump or new job before you break up?

      • try2bhelpful on 02/09/2023 - 07:36

        It is looking beyond the surface of a person for the potential underneath. The beauty of a self sufficient person is they could walk out the door at any time so you don’t take their non monetary contributions to the relationship for granted. At various times both the man and I have been unemployed. The beauty of two incomes is we could smooth out each others bumps. It is leaning into the relationship. It is recognising what both parties are contributing and getting beyond money considerations.

  • Benno007 on 01/09/2023 - 03:22
    +1

    Same thing happens in gay DINK couples so it’s not just the men vs women thing….

    Doesn’t seem to matter if I had 500k property and my partner owned just a crappy laptop when we entered a de facto relationship, apparently he’s entitled to half of all of it. And possibly even spousal support due to the lifestyle I’ve elevated him into.

    Remember super is an asset too…

    Different with a child where someone has to stay at home to care and not work, I can see how that would be fair to pay something, so long as the other person who didn’t work looks for work and just doesn’t rely on the payments…

    • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 07:49
      +1

      Yes, the laws are completely ridiculous.

    • lachhelix on 01/09/2023 - 12:19
      +2

      Exactly why I'm not going to be moving in with anybody unless I'm planning on marrying them, it's insane

  • SydneySchnorrer on 01/09/2023 - 07:55
    +1

    Try to find out if she contributed to mortgage repayments/strata, as this was different to other rates according to my settlement, and having given away half of MY fortune (she only had loans and debt and $2k in the bank), ACT now…I was 5 months too late and almost a decade later the cost is still with me.

    She may at a minimum have a claim to the capital increase in the property which if in Sydney or another high property market may be painful too.

    • star-ggg on 01/09/2023 - 10:26

      Were you in defacto? How long for? What was your agreement with the ex regarding the live in property?

  • bigbadboogieman on 01/09/2023 - 08:45
    +3

    Just want to add here the fact that support doesn't necessarily need to be monetary. If for e.g. your (ex)partner says they cooked, cleaned, kept the home tidy so as to support you in your work, that would also count as their support to the household and entitle them to a portion of the deemed household wealth.

    • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 09:09
      -1

      That's a scam .. it's usually always 50:50 on the home front but if you're home doing nothing, it's just assumed you must be doing the majority so it's 90:10.

      • bigbadboogieman on 01/09/2023 - 11:11

        believe it or not but from a legal standpoint, a stay at home partner indirectly contributes which entitles them to a share.

        • matt-ozb on 01/09/2023 - 11:40

          Yes, of course, I'm just saying that even if reality is 50.50 at home, it's viewed more like 90% for the stay at home person .. ie mega benefits of current assets and future earning loss

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