I Disagree with The School Principal over Bullying

This is about my friend's son, he is 10 years old, let's call him Henry. Henry was playing outside during school hour with the rest of his class and saw another kid fell from monkey bar and cried.

Henry said to the kid "Stop crying like a baby". Henry's mum got called to principal office because Henry's behaviour considered bullying. Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry.

She asked for my opinion and I agreed with her about the behaviour not considered bullying.

What's your opinion, if you are Henry's mum or dad, how do you handle the principal.

If you think Henry's behaviour considered bullying, why?

Thanks in advance for your input.

Comments

  • +65

    Hopefully Henry won't go on in life to be a perpetrator of violence.

    • +38

      More likely he'll end up like his mum, Karen and go through life snitching on everyone they don't like.

        • +25

          Well that escalated quickly.

          • @EightImmortals: Not sure why OP's post is always their friend's kids, not their own? why can't the OP's 'friend' post it themselves?

        • +4

          Do you have references to back up that statistic?

          • -1

            @thewiseone: Dont even bother with people who believe junk like that. Funny how nothing is mentioned about how it happens the other way around.

            • @lonewolf: That Karens are safer from domestic violence?

            • +6

              @Hardlyworkin: by a current or previous cohabiting partner since the age of 15….

              so those figures (if they are to be believed) could be once in their whole lifetime since 15….these sussed stats don’t mean 1 in 4 to 1 in 6 will be likely to be abused now….
              just sayin… there is too much misandry without people perpetuating it

              • +1

                @siresteelhell: True, the figures are fine. Nothing to see here right?

                • -2

                  @Hardlyworkin: Well, a vast majority of the people who get murdered are men, so…. bear with me

                  Murderers are a very small and violent subset of the population, though mostly male.

                  Men who want to kill people have a statistically demonstrable reluctance to kill women.

                  Even our most violent subset of people know not to kill women.

                  The problem is solved.

                  In the matter of less violent violence, I'm curious how low the threshold is for something to be considered violence…I imagine they included something like "has your partner ever raised his voice and, as a result of that, you felt threatened"..

                  This violence against women crap is just another distraction from the housing crisis, and it's great evidence that most people in our country have an attention span of about 30 seconds.

                  Edit: yes it includes threats of harm…cool so you believe a study that tells you only 1 in 10 men have been threatened with harm in their life? Literally every man I know has been involved in some sort of violent scuffle, be it on a night out or during a sports match… Jesus Christ.

                  • +6

                    @Assburg:

                    In the matter of less violent violence, I'm curious how low the threshold is for something to be considered violence…I imagine they included something like "has your partner ever raised his voice and, as a result of that, you felt threatened"..

                    You are frigging nuts? Yes, women do feel threatened when their partner rises his voice as they have every right to be.

                    This violence against women crap is just another distraction from the housing crisis, and it's great evidence that most people in our country have an attention span of about 30 seconds.

                    I say it again. You are frigging nuts? Comparing the violence towards women to the housing crisis is pathetic.

                    Edit: yes it includes threats of harm…cool so you believe a study that tells you only 1 in 10 men have been threatened with harm in their life? Literally every man I know has been involved in some sort of violent scuffle, be it on a night out or during a sports match… Jesus Christ

                    Charming circle of male friends you have. I'm glad I am not one of them.

                    FYI. ONE WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED EVERY 4.6 DAYS SO FAR THIS YEAR

                    • @CurlCurl: It is astonishing isn’t it?

                      • @try2bhelpful:

                        It is astonishing isn’t it?

                        It certainly is.

                        I have great concerns with Assburg. Don't think I would want him/her as a neighbour.

                    • +2

                      @CurlCurl: Guess what, men don't feel great about their partner raising their voice at them either. Anyone who tries to claim they've never expressed frustration with another person they live close with is being a little silly.

                      Re housing crisis comparison… you're right, I'd rather live with a person of the opposite gender and experience conflict occasionally than be homeless or spend more than half of my take-home pay on rent. It is a ridiculous comparison because only one of these is a non-issue.

                      FYI on average a man gets killed basically every day… and I'm comfortable saying that in the vast majority of those cases they were in over their heads with foolish, violent people.

                      • -5

                        @Assburg:

                        Guess what, men don't feel great about their partner raising their voice at them either.

                        OMG. The poor little marshmallows.

                        Anyone who tries to claim they've never expressed frustration with another person they live close with is being a little silly.

                        Frustration does not include bashing or murder.

                        Re housing crisis comparison… you're right, I'd rather live with a person of the opposite gender and experience conflict occasionally than be homeless or spend more than half of my take-home pay on rent. It is a ridiculous comparison because only one of these is a non-issue.

                        The question is….would a person of the opposite sex want to live with you?

                        FYI on average a man gets killed basically every day… and I'm comfortable saying that in the vast majority of those cases they were in over their heads with foolish, violent people.

                        Never let a good story get in the way of the truth. Statistics say, In 2022-23, 171 males were murdered by, guess who? Men!

                        FYI. There are 365 days in a year.

                        • +2

                          @CurlCurl: So we can all agree that some men who are aggressive and violent a real problem. That managing these guys, and if possible avoiding them, is best for any sensible person. That avoiding having a relationship with these guys will save a lot of women a lot of pain.

                          That is the truth of the story.

                          • +1

                            @try2bhelpful:

                            So we can all agree that some men who are aggressive and violent a real problem.

                            You and I certainly can, but the two numbskulls that negged my post above are a concern.

                          • @try2bhelpful: Perhaps you should tell that to the girls I saw falling for the bullies at my school. It was difficult for me to comprehend at the time but a hansome-faced bully is just too much to resist! Let's hope those ladies have made better choices in their dating life since then.

                        • -1

                          @CurlCurl: Murder obviously doesn't include manslaughter.. So it's an complete statistic when talking about homicide generally.

                          You're right, frustration doesn't include bashing or killing or whatever else, but it reasonably includes raising your voice, which according to your data is violent conduct.

                          Re people who live with me.. ad hominem rubbish, but there's no shortage of consensual, non-vioent intimacy in my life.

                          It's great you're emotive and impassioned about something but your activism will be more effective if it's not emotive or impassioned, because you pass as a fool and ultimately discredit your cause.

                          • -1

                            @Assburg:

                            but there's no shortage of consensual, non-vioent intimacy in my life.

                            Bit hard to be violent when you do it by yourself. But then………….

                        • -3

                          @CurlCurl: Looks like we have four confirmed wife bashers from the negs on my third post up.

                        • +1

                          @CurlCurl: Minimizing and dismissing gendered DV by means of intellectually inferior insults such as "OMG. The poor little marshmallows." shows a level of toxicity that has me concerned for any person and their mental health whilst in your general proximity. Do humanity a solid…. be better.

                      • @Assburg:

                        Even our most violent subset of people know not to kill women… FYI on average a man gets killed basically every day.

                        On average there are about five homicides per week in Australia, 35% of the victims are women. So that's about 3 men, 2 women killed weekly.

                        39% of all homicides are the result of domestic violence, and 76% of those are women.

                        86% of the perpetrators of all homicides are men.

                        Domestic violence, particularly by men against women, is a significant problem in this country.

                        source: https://www.aic.gov.au/publications/sr/sr46 1989-2023

                        This violence against women crap is just another distraction from the housing crisis

                        Ridiculous.

                        • @us3rnam3tak3n: I'm not sure how you went from 35% of the victims being women to 40% (your 2 in 5 statistic) though I think they're the same tricks that were used to convince you this is a national issue.

                          If your issue is that murder is a national crisis, it would make sense (given the number of people that get murdered is inherently larger than the number of women that get murdered) but even then, it's a long bow to draw when considered relatively.

                          If your issue is murderers then get out there and argue for more funding for police and DPPs, and legal aid (I do these things). If your issue is murderers killing women, again
                          ..do the same but don't alienate half the population as inherently violent and abusive while you do it.

                          https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/causes-death/causes…

                          COVID-19 topped homicide in 2022! What a surprise.

                          • @Assburg:

                            I'm not sure how you went from 35% of the victims being women to 40% (your 2 in 5 statistic) though I think they're the same tricks that were used to convince you this is a national issue

                            No trick, just rounding. 35% of 5.25 homicides per week is 1.8 in 5.25.

                            Are you suggesting it's not an issue at all or only in some states?

                            If your issue is that murder is a national crisis

                            Not sure where that language came from, not me. My issue is that we could, and should, do better wrt domestic violence.

                            COVID-19 topped homicide in 2022! What a surprise.

                            “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means” - Inigo Montoya

                            • @us3rnam3tak3n: Homicide includes murder and manslaughter, which by definition of these two things includes violence of any degree that is the operative and substantive cause of a person's death.

                              Most manslaughter charges would be tried as murder, but as a consequence of early pleas are often charged as manslaughter, so it's foolish to really separate the two when talking about actions that deaths come about through violence.

                              I think you've demonstrated a preference for using the murder statistic? If you've got grounds for that I'd be curious as to what they are.

                              • @Assburg:

                                COVID-19 topped homicide in 2022! What a surprise.
                                I think you've demonstrated a preference for using the murder statistic

                                I haven't brought up the word "murder" at all, only homicide. Homicide does not include death by disease. Clear now?

                                • @us3rnam3tak3n: Apologies you and curlcurl just morphed into one thing for me since your points were made along the same lines.

                                  Not sure what your issue is then - one is a disease and one is the consequence of the behaviour of a couple hundred of our nation's worst people each year…the question of being a national issue doesn't require any similarities in mechanism, but really on impact to society.

                                  Over 10% of homicides annually also involve indigenous people despite only making up 3.8% of the population… like, that statistic is 100x more shocking… let me spell it out:

                                  2 in 5 people murdered are women, yet women make up around 50% of the population… that is to say 0.0006% of women were murdered last year.

                                  1 in 10 people murdered are indigenous, despite making up only 3.8% of the population. That is to say 0.0052% of aboriginal people were murdered last year.

                                  I dunno about you but compared to a genuinely marginalised group, women as a collective seem to have it about 10 times better.

                                  Note…assault rates amongst first nations peoples are significantly higher than non-indigenous Australians so… again, violence against and within aboriginals and their communities, measurably worse than the gendered violence spectre.

                                  And to say these issues are not mutually exclusive… everything that is competing for resources is, for each dollar allocated, very much mutually exclusive. Gendered violence was not an election issue and it's rubbish to see our tax dollars allocated to these nonsense programmes to fix things that by and large, are not issues that impact society.

                        • +1

                          @us3rnam3tak3n: Is it more of a problem in Australia compared to the rest of the world? (say Africa or India)?

                          • @MementoMori:

                            Is it more of a problem in Australia compared to the rest of the world? (say Africa or India)?

                            I don't know. I would expect us to have better societal behaviour than most third world countries. In Australia the trend over the last four decades seems to be improving but has a long way to go in my book.

                      • +1

                        @Assburg:

                        Even our most violent subset of people know not to kill women

                        Tell that to the two women killed in a targeted shooting in Sydney last year. One was the target. The other her innocent friend that happened to be in the car with her.

                  • @Assburg: I think we live in different planets or at minimum view the same one very differently. If stats aren't your things, speak with some of the women in your life.

                    • @Hardlyworkin: If stats are your thing you'd know the methods of data collection and interpretation is critical to determine their quality..

                      Otherwise, you're just one of the many who feel smart quoting numbers they think they understand.

        • -2

          and how many times did karen fake rape charge and extort (financially and emotionally) men in her life, after violently beating them, then lying about it and trying to turn everyone against those men?

    • +12

      I think you've been watching too much of "The Project".

      • +11

        I don’t see lefties being onboard with the “cry babies” comment. Entitled rightwingers perhaps. Given the talk about the mother I think you might want to rethink “pansy” for your derogatory term as well.

  • +51

    Christ sake I am not looking forward to my two going into the school system. Society be wild as hell these days.

    Anyway imo not bullying. Mean maybe. Henry coulda said something like hey you alright mate? Let’s get you back up on your feet. Etc

    As for parent interaction:
    Imo just say yeah I’ll talk to Henry
    Not like he got punished

    You say your friend is not confrontational so what are you expecting them to do, irrespective of whatever points of view you get here?

    • +5

      "Anyway imo not bullying. Mean maybe. Henry coulda said something like hey you alright mate? Let’s get you back up on your feet. Etc"

      I agree, calling the behaviour bullying is kind of excessive

      He is10

      And Henry's mum pi##off cause she has to get time off work to see principal for this?

      • Next time ask Henry's mum to post the story here herself instead tru 3rd party.
        We might miss the story from her perspective as it was written by you.

      • +5

        If this happened to Henry how would his mum feel. Let Henry fall off the monkey bars and see how much he cries and when everyone calls him a baby, what will be the mum’s reaction?
        New post My friends son Henry is being bullied but the school won’t take action.

        • +1

          I'm not sure what the fuss is about, I think people recoil from the word "bullying" but it's just a way to describe the situation.

          Henry was being a $#!+head and the school called it out. Okay, the word bullying probably contributed to them deciding to call the mum, but shouldn't she be greatful that the school informed her that he was a little $#!+?

      • Couldn't the principle just do a Zoom call for the meeting?

    • +47

      When I was 10 one kid put another kid in hospital via kicking him repeatedly, teachers threatened abuse (soap on the desk, wishing for the days of the cane), the education system was a mess and plenty of schools were little hellholes. I'll take these problems over that any day.

      There's no context here, maybe this isn't the first time for Henry, maybe the other parent complained and the principal is just doing their job, maybe the other child is consistently bullied and Henry is joining in.

      Maybe there's a concern that the "stop crying like a baby" came straight from the parents as well.

      • +1

        When i was at school, kids who tattled on bullying/name-calling were, taunted in the boys toilets, by having their bike nicked, getting pissed over at the urinals or soiled toilet paper thrown over the cubicle dividers onto them - that was usually the end of the matter. The girls however, didn't forget so quickly - they would be cut out of the cliques, have sordid rumours spread about them, hair ripped out. In one nasty case, it escalated until one girl had to have the front teeth replaced after being asked face first into a stunning fountain. That was in a state school - suffice to say independent schools never let any non-verbal bullying slide - there were tough corporal punishments for troubled youth.

        • +1

          soiled toilet paper thrown over the cubicle dividers onto them

          You really did go to a shit school. Before my time, I'm guessing. Country/City?

          • +1

            @us3rnam3tak3n: Melbourne suburbs, late 70s. Many things have gotten better since then, but from what I hear, teachers are victimised more than students now.

    • +16

      IMHO there's no way this would be labelled bullying by a school unless the 'friend's' son 'Henry' already has a solid track record of being a little bastard to other kids.

      Schools hate having to waste time and resources on bullying issues, and the usual battle is to get them to intervene in real bullying. My money's on this being just the latest in a string of similar incidents.

      For example - why is Henry getting involved in this situation at all? Obvious answer: Henry has been targeting this poor kid and saw an opportunity to continue to do so.

      • +1

        Spot on!

        Schools go on and on about how bullying is repeat behaviour. Clearly Henry is picking on this kid, and probably others, and the school is sick of letting it slide. Particularly for the principal to be involved the teacher would have already informed the parent about previous incidents and the mum is crying like this is a once off.

    • +4

      If it's not bullying it's definitely adjacent to it. Zero empathy and even mocking someone who's hurt themselves. And the parent is upset that its called bullying. Absolutely the wrong thing to worry about here.

  • +44

    If Henry's not helping, he's hindering. Henry should have backed off and dealt with his own emotions.

    It seems fairly extreme calling him to the principal's office over this. Is there more to this story?

    • how was the "stop crying like a baby" message delivered?
    • how old is the other kid?
    • how badly injured was the other kid?
    • does Henry have a history with the other kid?
    • I assume same age, and he is being 10 probably just approach the kids and say the word

      I don't know about the injury,

      • +26

        So in summary, you have virtually none of the facts, but would like the community to do an in depth analysis and discussion so you can do what? Present the findings to the mum, who will most likely do nothing?
        Or are you just having a rant to let off some steam?

      • +16

        Acknowledge the problem and speak to Henry.

        If you're not capable of it, maybe some leveling of counselling is required. After all, a child's behaviour is learned from parents.

        Or, you could go the other way and give a speech on wasting your time, threatening to write to the education minister, and telling the principal stop being such a baby and to drink some cement and harden up.

        Obviously, it's hard to judge without more context.

      • +17

        Bullying is an ongoing repetitive or systematic series of actions intended to cause physical, social or psychological harm.

        A one-off statement as you portray is not classed as bullying. Technically, it's actually form of harrassment.

        Unless there's more to the story or this singular incident, they would not have a leg to stand on in court.

        However, this isn't court, and the school can likely get away with they feel is appropriate behaviour within their walls. All they need to say is "setting an example to other children".

        • +2

          "Technically" harassment also normally refers to repeated behaviour, not a one-off. Though that usage seems to be changing.

      • +6

        principle /prĭn′sə-pəl/
        noun
        A basic truth, law, or assumption. "the principles of democracy."
        A rule or standard, especially of good behavior. "a man of principle."
        The collectivity of moral or ethical standards or judgments. "a decision based on principle rather than expediency."

        principal /prĭn′sə-pəl/
        adjective
        First or highest in rank or importance. synonym: chief.
        Similar: chief Of, relating to, or being financial principal, or a principal in a financial transaction.
        noun
        One who holds a position of presiding rank, especially the head of an elementary school, middle school, or high school.

        • +1

          Yeah, but how do you handle it with the principle ……. oh forget it. I seem to be repeating myself

      • +6

        If you're going to copy-paste the same message over and over again (seven times so far!), can you please at least make sure it's gramatically correct?

      • Even if it does not meet the definition of a "bully" it is still unhealthy, antisocial and immoral behaviour to mock another child that has hurt themselves.

        I would focus my efforts toward educating my child on how to be a productive, healthy and functional member of society. Henry sounds like a bit of a sociopath who lacks the normal human trait of empathy.

        The principal is not the bad guy for bringing this to your attention regardless of the word used to define the inappropiate behaviour.

    • +19

      Narrator: There is more to this story.

    • Exactly, Henry should have filmed it and delivered the footage to all television networks.

    • +4

      does Henry have a history with the other kid?

      This is the only point that matters. Bullying is a repeated offence, not a one off.

      • What if Henry always acts like this, but with everyone, so it's not repeated with respects to the other kid but in relation to his actions in general? Could that not be classified as displaying bullying behaviour? Or is that just considered generally being a pest?

    • +1

      how was the "stop crying like a baby" message delivered?

      Morse code via fists

  • +37

    Bullying is the catch all phrase for everything these days. But IMO seems behaviour worth calling out, Henry should have a little sympathy for the other kid, whatever the label slapped on it.

      • +19

        Go talk to the principal to understand what happened, then talk to my son Henry to ask why he said what he said. I'd find out why he thought it wasn't ok to cry and, if needed, talk about how the other kid felt.

      • +35

        instead of repeatedly asking this question, how about you ask why you think it's ok that Henry is picking on another child who fell from a monkey bar? They're pretty high, and it wouldve hurt quite a lot.

        We're suppose to teach our kids that they can feel emotions and be vulnerable, rather than the out-dated and problematic "toughen up" response.

        • -7

          I agree kids should be taught they can feel emotions but also think they can feel it and be taught to toughen up. After all you can only control your own response to a situation and there are alot of situations where pushing past the initial negative emotional response can improve you as a person.

          • +20

            @IM-Cheap: Walking over to tell a kid to stop being a cry baby shows a negative emotional response on the part of the second kid. If he can’t be helpful then he should STFU.

            • +2

              @try2bhelpful: Agree it would have been more helpful for Henry to impart some life lessons to the other kid.

              "When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening"

              "Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom"

              "Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave."

              "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."

              There are indeed much less vapid things to say about pain and crying than "lul u crybaby" and we should teach our kids to say those to avoid charges of bullying.

          • @IM-Cheap: … well if you ever fall off a roof, or car accident, bump your head on the corner of the kitchen cupboard, or even stub your toe, best not to scream "PHUK ME" or "AHHHHHHHHHHH" as your initial immediate negative response.

            The only appropriate immediate thought process you should think and feel is "Nevermind, that wont stop me from keeping on going"

            Yes, you can't fall and never climb the monkey bars again, but any human being is entitled, as a normal human reaction, to have an immediate negative reaction.

            In fact, im pretty sure science has proved that swearing helps with pain relief. I highly suspect that crying achieves a similar thing.

            • @CheapskateQueen: Don't forget that after that happens, a little bully with his friends should immediately approach and mock them.

              It's all part of the learning process. Honestly it's actually good for you. :/

      • Note that freefall said the behavior should be called out, not that Henry should be labelled as a bully.
        If the principle labelled the child, his parents should call out the principle for that.

    • -8

      How dare that 10 year old kid not have the emotional awareness that adults should have!

      • +19

        But he was aware enough to tell him to stop crying like a baby; maybe something he's been told in the past by mummy and daddy…

          • @EightImmortals: So if Henry saw an adult fall over in the street, hurt themselves and start crying do you think that would be the appropriate response? If not why is it OK to do to another ten year old? If it is then I never want to meet your kids.

            • -6

              @try2bhelpful: 'So if"…….?

              Srsly.

              Why would it be incumbent on a 10 year old to enquire into the well being of a strange adult on the street? How about we stick to the incident in the OP instead of launching off into wild speculation to prove 'something'? (I'm not actually sure what your point is?)

              There are only a couple of possibilities in relation to the non-incident in the OP. Either kid #1 actually hurt themselves and was having a bit of a cry (in which case they would have gone to get some first aid from a teacher) or maybe they WERE actually a cry baby and all the other kids were sick of them overreacting to every little fall and skinned knee? Kids are good at helping their weaker friends toughen up.

              But that's just normal school-yard kidstuff that would have been forgotten by the next day. The REAL problem is when after being made aware of the nonincident, instead of taking the opportunity to comfort their child and explain some stuff about human nature, you know, like any half mature adult would do, Karen went cry-babying to the principle to cause trouble for the other kids parents who weren't even there at the time.

          • +5

            @EightImmortals:

            strength and healthy masculinity

            You don’t need to worry about these things.

            • +5

              @smartazz104: Ahh, he’s one of those people.

              • @try2bhelpful: To be clear with my comment I’m talking about someone who thinks any sign of emotion and empathy means someone isn’t “manly”. Who spends too much time on rightwing and incel websites.

                • @try2bhelpful: You assume too much sir. ( I didn't neg you either. :) )

                  • +1

                    @EightImmortals: You are telling me I’m assuming too much and then calling me “sir”. Just hilarious.

                    Negs are water off a ducks back.

          • @EightImmortals: It sounds like Henry has all the emotional awareness you're looking for in an adult, he identifies cry babies and just needs to start using "snitches get stitches" and he'll dominate that playground!

          • +4

            @EightImmortals:

            look around at the amount of kidaults, cry babies, snitches and generally weak adults in the world and ask ourselves is that the type of society we want to dominate?

            You sound like a real 'Henry'….

            • -3

              @SBOB: I almost forgot about soy-boys, thanks for the reminder.

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az352YaZNM0

              • +1

                @EightImmortals: Dude whats wrong with you, theres a difference between 'manning up' and respect, you clearly lack the latter. you need to show some humility. It was never ok for Henry to call that boy a crybaby, he could have instead checked up on him or told him its not that bad (Even though he wouldn't know) . But it's adding the unnecessary negative connotation.
                Then you go and insult the community with the soy-boy response.. just be respectful.

                • @maverickjohn: So much angst and aggression over a meaningless everyday school-yard event, but then I guess that's the world these days, ignore all the big important things and make a storm in a teacup over the most trivial.

                  As for respect, well that's one of those things that has to be earned, show some and you'll probably get some in return. And lecturing is usually a sure-fire way not not earn it. I've gone back over my responses in this thread and in the context of the posts I was responding to I wouldn't change a thing.

                  • @EightImmortals: It's sad that you're reading your responses and see nothing wrong with them.

                    Empathy is a good thing. A lack of empathy is not.

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