I Disagree with The School Principal over Bullying

Siasia on 28/04/2024 - 12:49
Last edited 28/04/2024 - 12:57 by 1 other user

This is about my friend's son, he is 10 years old, let's call him Henry. Henry was playing outside during school hour with the rest of his class and saw another kid fell from monkey bar and cried.

Henry said to the kid "Stop crying like a baby". Henry's mum got called to principal office because Henry's behaviour considered bullying. Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry.

She asked for my opinion and I agreed with her about the behaviour not considered bullying.

What's your opinion, if you are Henry's mum or dad, how do you handle the principal.

If you think Henry's behaviour considered bullying, why?

Thanks in advance for your input.

Education & Work

Comments

                • EightImmortals on 30/04/2024 - 09:03

                  @maverickjohn: So much angst and aggression over a meaningless everyday school-yard event, but then I guess that's the world these days, ignore all the big important things and make a storm in a teacup over the most trivial.

                  As for respect, well that's one of those things that has to be earned, show some and you'll probably get some in return. And lecturing is usually a sure-fire way not not earn it. I've gone back over my responses in this thread and in the context of the posts I was responding to I wouldn't change a thing.

                  • Sxio on 30/04/2024 - 09:55

                    @EightImmortals: It's sad that you're reading your responses and see nothing wrong with them.

                    Empathy is a good thing. A lack of empathy is not.

                    • EightImmortals on 30/04/2024 - 10:07
                      +1

                      @Sxio: So who exactly am I supposed to be empathic towards? The kid who fell down? I wasn't there, if I was then, as an adult I would have helped out for sure. Or are you saying I should be empathetic towards the opinions and POV's of a bunch of random internet posters who weren't there either? I mean, hey, I have no problem with people having opinions different from mine but that doesn't mean I have to respect or 'empathise' with those opinions in any way either. IMO all people are equal but not all ideas and opinions are.

                      If you don't like mine you are free to neg or ignore them, I have no problem with that either. But if you are going to make the claim that they are fundamentally 'wrong' in an objective way then good luck with that. :)

                      So here are my only 2 positions on the topic of this thread, JIC anyone has misconstrued them.

                      1)There's nothing wrong with kids telling other kids to harden up over minor playground accidents.
                      2) There is definitely something wrong with parents running to authorities with the sole motivation of cotton-woolling their children and causing trouble for other people who were also not there at the time.

                      3) (ancillary opinion at no extra charge): A lot of grown 'men' these days need to man up and embrace (or discover) their masculinity while at the same time not being duped into believing that masculinity=violence..

                      • Sxio on 30/04/2024 - 13:31

                        @EightImmortals: Yes. You care so much about men 'manning up' you even bring it up on a website dedicated to bargains, in a thread about a 10yr old being mean to another 10yr old who hurt themself.

                        Clearly Australia needs more wise warriors such as yourself. I can't imagine how many people you personally are helping every single day.

                        Oh wait. Yes i can. Zero.

                      • m0tyrider on 30/04/2024 - 17:01
                        +1

                        @EightImmortals: Your points are bang on.

                        They are 10, these small social interactions are good for both kids.

                        If the child was overreacting, they are being told in a way they will understand and that will have an impact. These small social interactions actually help shape society for the better.

                        If the kid was actually hurt, then old mate Henry would most likely feel bad about it and think about what they do next time, assuming Henry has been taught these values.

                  • maverickjohn on 30/04/2024 - 16:24

                    @EightImmortals: It's not angst and aggression, it's just pointing out there are nicer ways to deal with situations. You don't have to say something negative just to make a point. I'm not trying to lecture you. But I can point out where your comments are deemed below the line behaviour and publicly dismissing the community was just that.
                    The OPs case is just a brat who feels he can over power and belittle another kid after injuring himself.
                    Like I said, people can approach things in a way that's respectful. Respect shouldn't be earned it should be a minimum when conversing with others. You can lose respect but by default it shouldn't be something someone earns. How do your colleagues at work feel feel if you trash talk them as a baseline and only respecting them after they earned it.. it's probably a little too late and they won't bat an eye for you.

                    • EightImmortals on 30/04/2024 - 17:35

                      @maverickjohn: Well I wasn't going to reply but there is so much wrong in that post I thought I better just clarify a few of your assumptions.

                      "It's not angst and aggression, it's just pointing out there are nicer ways to deal with situations."

                      Is it? Here's a few choice remarks from your last post, please tell me which of them is "just pointing out there are nicer ways to deal with situations (the situation being the one in the OP that is)".

                      "Dude whats wrong with you…"
                      "theres a difference between 'manning up' and respect, you clearly lack the latter."
                      "you need to show some humility".

                      "Then you go and insult the community with the soy-boy response.. just be respectful."

                      Do you speak for the whole community now?
                      Why did you choose to get offended and decide that that comment was an insult?
                      You could have ignored it, you could have laughed at it (especially as I posted a link to what I meant), but you chose to use that general comment about a part of society these days as an excuse to have a go at me personally. Not that it bothers me as I said before, just saying.

                      "But I can point out where your comments are deemed below the line behaviour and publicly dismissing the community was just that."

                      I don't think I've dismissed anyone, I might have made some general comments and replied to people when the comments needed a reply as opposed to some other ones but I haven't dismissed anyone and I haven't called anyone names or used pejoratives against them. Again, if you CHOOSE to get offended by anything then that's something you have taken on yourself as I don't think we had ANY previous interaction on this thread before your post this morning.

                      "The OPs case is just a brat who feels he can over power and belittle another kid after injuring himself."
                      "people can approach things in a way that's respectful. Respect shouldn't be earned it should be a minimum when conversing with others."

                      And calling a little kid a brat and assuming he's on a power trip to belittle someone else is your idea of baseline respect? Is that how you would have acted towards him if you were there? If not then why say those disrespectful things at all?

                      "Respect shouldn't be earned it should be a minimum when conversing with others. You can lose respect but by default it shouldn't be something someone earns. "

                      So maybe you have a different definition of respect than I do. As I said in a previous post, I respect people equally but I don't respect ideas equally. I never criticised or ridiculed anyone in this thread, I merely express my opinion, which went against the majority opinion (nothing new there). All of which are equally meaningless because as has been pointed out, none of us were there and it was a minor insignificant event repeated thousands of time a day all over the world (presumably).

                      "How do your colleagues at work feel feel if you trash talk them as a baseline and only respecting them after they earned it."

                      How would I know? I don't trash talk people (even if some of them deserve it) and everyone gets treated with the same amount of respect. That doesn't mean I have to agree with all of their views, opinions, beliefs or voting choices. It means I reserve to right to disagree and even if we can't reach some kind of common ground on any particular issue I wont regress to name calling and lecturing.

                      Hope that clarifies things a bit for you.

                      • maverickjohn on 30/04/2024 - 18:49

                        @EightImmortals: I'm not sure where this is really going. I feel like you are going back in a circle and reframing your posts in better light but your initial actions and how you portrayed the last response are very different.
                        I feel your last response is much more how i would have expected the previous ones.
                        I actually agree with many of your points there, asides from the comment about the child. As a parent of young kids, the thing I instill the most is being respectful. If I knew my kids talked like that to someone else I would have been very disappointed with them.

      • CrowReally on 29/04/2024 - 14:17

        Your statement is mistaken because it assumes all adults have emotional awareness, whereas many do not (if you want to know what one looks like, have a look at that shiny rectangle hanging above the bathroom sink)

    • DingoBilly on 28/04/2024 - 15:04
      +21

      This is how I'd approach it.

      Your kid may not be bullying, but he's being an (profanity) at least. Worth being taught some empathy as it can easily lead to being a bully otherwise.

  • SnoozeAndLose on 28/04/2024 - 13:04
    +2

    Hear say situation, parent should talk to the principal and understand when, who, how and what had happened.

    I believe every kids would have their own version, if there is a adult eye witness, they will have their own opinion too.

    I don't understand why the principal will get involved when she/he is not personally presented at the scene.

    • bobbified on 28/04/2024 - 15:11
      +3

      I agree… it's possible that the other kid told Henry that his pronoun is "baby". lol

  • SBOB on 28/04/2024 - 13:05
    +34

    What's your opinion, if you are Henry's mum or dad, how do you handle the principal.

    I'd probably start by telling my friend to not post about my parenting or private life on ozb.

    I'd then likely try and teach my kid to have a bit more compassion for someone whose just injured themselves, and then move on with my day.

      • EightImmortals on 28/04/2024 - 14:39
        -1

        Tell him he's fooling himself and if he's got nothing better to do than harass parents over non-events like this he should hand in his resignation.

      • SBOB on 28/04/2024 - 14:59
        +17

        I'd likely respect that the principal has an interest in the well being of all the children in their school, ask if they had any suggestions or thoughts on what you could do to assist in improving 'your friends' kids behaviour and take that advice on board.

        But hey, I also wouldn't post about 'my friends' kids on ozbargain, and I also wouldn't automatically believe 'my friends' kids weren't actually not the perfect angels that 'your friend' probably says they are.

      • GordonD on 28/04/2024 - 15:24
        +2

        principle

        Siasia, read the other posters responses. Take the hint. It's spelled "principal". A principle is something else altogether.

        There, now do you feel bullied?

  • Xetrok on 28/04/2024 - 13:08
    +17

    "Bullying is when people repeatedly and intentionally use words or actions against someone or a group of people to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing."

    To understand if it truly is bullying, we need to know how many times Henry has spoken to this other child and what has been said.
    You're providing a very brief description of the event.
    This is kind of a "how long is a piece of string" but you might be holding more length hidden in your palm.
    At any length however, Henry might want to be a bit less of a jerk, if everything was a "once off", stop crying like a baby isn't going to illicit the best response in people regardless.

      • rumblytangara on 28/04/2024 - 15:44
        +30

        Are you a cut and paste bot?

      • Xetrok on 28/04/2024 - 17:01
        +3

        The principle has a duty of care to provide a safe and friendly environment to all students.
        If Henry didn't say something that is or can be interpreted as negative, then the principle wouldn't even have to speak to Henry's parents.

        I would handle the principle by saying, thanks for bringing this to my attention, I understand how the things Henry said can be hurtful to others and I'll educate him on how to better interact with his peers and not be a little shit.

      • Jono05 on 29/04/2024 - 12:34

        Suck it up princess!!!

  • TEER3X on 28/04/2024 - 13:12
    +1

    The other parents must have complained. Most of these things get sorted out at school and are usually once off.

    Usually, bullying is a concern it it's repeated behaviour, or something much worse than what was described.

    No harm asking Henry to apologize if that's what the school wants, it's sounds like it was worse than what was stated here.

  • KaTst3R on 28/04/2024 - 13:16
    +9

    You cant tell based on just a sentence. It could have been the manner Henry told the kid. Henry could have been laughing, pointing fingers, there might be additional words spoken after the sentence, the kid who fell might be a snowflake, it could be anything and all alleged. To me, "stop crying like a baby" can be read as an insult. Just apologise and move forward.

  • askbargain on 28/04/2024 - 13:18
    +2

    what's your stake at all this?

    • pegaxs on 28/04/2024 - 13:37
      +10

      Lol… like you need to ask…

      Put it this way… it's never their "friend's" child… Just like it was never "their" parking/traffic fine or car crash…

  • dylo on 28/04/2024 - 13:20
    +12

    Henry is a little terror

  • Ghost47 on 28/04/2024 - 13:23
    +17

    Probably not bullying if it’s a once off but Henry should watch his words and what he says to other kids. You should tell Henry’s parents to be better parents and teach Henry to not be a jerk.

    Good on the principal though for being so strict about it and trying to stamp it out early. When I was at school “zero tolerance” was a facade and it often is in many places in this country.

      • Ghost47 on 28/04/2024 - 13:51
        +13

        Sometimes people will tell you negative things about your kid's behaviour that you won't want to believe is true because it shows you a side of your sweet little angel that isn't so sweet. You need to accept that your kid isn't an angel, so follow up with Henry and discipline him accordingly, possibly by educating him on why it's important to watch his words and not be a jerk towards other people.

        The course of action here is quite simple really. It's scary you need to ask honestly.

      • oranglama on 28/04/2024 - 15:46
        +11

        Why are you so focused on 'handling' the principal? Focus on the kids rather than how you feel.

      • Mikeer on 29/04/2024 - 00:29
        +10

        Great example of repeated, unreasonable behaviour

        • Ghost47 on 29/04/2024 - 01:28
          +6

          I see where Henry gets his behaviour from.

  • Some Human on 28/04/2024 - 13:26
    -5

    This is considered bullying now?
    WTH happened to this country?

    • hasher22 on 28/04/2024 - 13:35
      +5

      Depends on context. If Henry ran to help the kid and said it in a more constructive way, then it's not bullying and we don't know what other words have been said. Could have been: "Brian, are you ok!? It's ok, stop crying like a baby, let's go play hand ball"

      If he ran and said it without helping the kid and just using the line could be seen taunting or hindering or intimidation.

      We don't know what really happened just from what the OP said to us. But from the information OP said, it leans towards more bullying than not because the line itself is most commonly known to inflict harm than good. And where would a 10 yr old know that phrase? Most likely from his parents

        • RiseAndRuin on 28/04/2024 - 16:34
          -2

          Kids are being intentionally raised to be softer and softer, but only in some "enlightened" countries. Can't imagine how that could go wrong when said "adults" will interact with people that were not raised that way at all…

        • p1 ama on 28/04/2024 - 20:54
          +5

          Kids are getting softer and softer. If this is considered bullying now, imagine the world in 10-20 years time…

          I love how there are people who have this view that the world is headed to shits and then just bend the facts to suit their narrative.

          Reality is that we are far less strict with kids at school now than we used to be. Back when I was in school, this sort of shit-housery was completely not accepted.

          If I had taunted another kid like that, the other kid probably would have clocked me back right in the face. And if this was caught by teachers, I'd probably have been sent to the principal's office and been forced to clean blackboards for two weeks. I'm obviously not advocating for a return to the days of corporal punishment and kids being much more rough with each other, but the idea that somehow people are now "soft" is ridiculous - if anything, we are softer on bad behaviour and rudeness.

          • Some Human on 29/04/2024 - 01:08
            -1

            @p1 ama: That sounds like something someone soft would say.

          • Grunntt on 29/04/2024 - 12:59

            @p1 ama:

            Reality is that we are far less strict with kids at school now than we used to be. Back when I was in school, this sort of shit-housery was completely not accepted.

            History does tend to repeat…

            "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint".
            (Hesiod, 8th century BC)

    • Siasia on 28/04/2024 - 13:49
      -6

      Thank you

      Henry is 10

      • CalmLemons on 28/04/2024 - 22:20
        +1

        The issue here OP is not whether we perceive it as bullying or not as a label applied by the principal - tbh imo I'm kind of thinking this may not be the first in this line of behaviour but hasn't been addressed by the school until now. Normally the principal doesn't get involved unless they really have to. Teachers aren't morons, and parents think their kids are always saints.

        The issue here is whether you as a parent, do you believe, given the correct context, that there is a better way in which Henry could have better used his words? And whether you need to discuss how he may approach this situation differently next time?

        As above - context is going to be king here.

        And I highly doubt we are getting any complete view/all perspective here.

        OP I'm terribly sorry but posts like this often become targets. Just human nature.

    • RiseAndRuin on 28/04/2024 - 16:31
      -1

      Our society is following the US/UK/Canada into the void.

  • MrThing on 28/04/2024 - 13:26
    +6

    lets hope you son henry starts to behave himself

  • pegaxs on 28/04/2024 - 13:36
    +25

    Kids are quiet often portals into parenting. They will rarely come up with this shit on their own and it is usually parroted from parents or relatives. Kids will usually mimic or repeat things that have been said to them, as they are literally information sponges that take on this type of behaviour from their parents.

    100% this would be considered bullying because it is a negative interaction by "Henry" towards another student.

    If I were Henry's parent, I would consider what the principle had to say and have a chat to "Henry" about appropriate ways to speak to other people. I would also use it as a chance to reflect on what I or my partner do or have said around "Henry" that would make him such an apathetic turd towards someone who was obviously injured. Lack of empathy for other humans may be a sign of something else going on inside this kid's head.

    And for the record, if it was "Henry" that fell and some other kid told him to stop "crying like a baby", you errrr… your "friend" would be straight down to the school and demand the other child make an apology for talking to "Henry" like that.

    • MattyD on 28/04/2024 - 19:46
      +4

      Hang on, it's important to address a significant misgiving being made repeatedly in comments since the top, and your comment seems as good a place as any to respond.

      100% this would be considered bullying because it is a negative interaction by "Henry" towards another student.

      I work in a K-12 school and have taught at both primary and secondary levels at multiple schools. Every school I have ever worked at includes (usually publicly-available) policies which define the word 'bullying' and require that the term is used extremely carefully to describe a very specific pattern and type of behaviour.

      Commonly, schools (and certainly litigators) define bullying as behaviour that meets all of the following criteria:

      • hurtful in nature
      • done on purpose
      • repeated over time
      • involves an imbalance of power

      Teachers are usually trained - within schools' behavioural management policy - in the correct application of the term as it has significant legal ramifications and consequences for the school if misused. Schools open themselves up to both civil and reputational damages for both failing to identify and address bullying and wrongly accusing students of bullying.

      The behaviour OP mentions is poor. As you say it lacks empathy and decency, and I agree: children's behaviour is often a reflection of the values taught and modelled at home.

      It 100% requires correcting and some sort of reflection. But (without more to the story than we're given) it isn't bullying.

      • p1 ama on 28/04/2024 - 21:01
        +6

        Agreed with most of what you're saying here, but the issue is that we don't know the full context of what has happened, and the way that the principal has worded what he's said.

        For example, did the principal say "Henry was bullying another child", or did he say "this behaviour, if repeated, would be bullying"…etc. - there were multiple permutations of what is possible and none of us are in a position to know.

        However, by your own definition, it is clear that what Henry said was "hurtful in nature", was "done on purpose", and "involves an imbalance of power" (as the other kid was in a vulnerable position, being hurt and unable to defend himself - or at least feeling that way). It seems the only question is whether it was "repeated over time". Given that it seems a bit strange for a principal to call up a parent the first time a kid says something a bit out of line, I wouldn't be surprised if it were the case that this was ongoing behaviour.

  • brendanm on 28/04/2024 - 13:42
    +15

    At a guess, this isn't the first time your your friends son has done this or something similar.

      • brendanm on 28/04/2024 - 13:49
        +22

        As I said, I doubt this is the first time this has happened, I'm sure the principal has better things to do than speak to every single parent who's kid says anything out of line. This is likely a pattern of behaviour, have why it has gotten to the point of meeting with the principal. I would handle it by teaching my kid not to be a little shit.

        • pegaxs on 28/04/2024 - 14:14
          +17

          100% this… Principles have better things to do than to call parents down to the school every single time a "Jimmy" or "Jenny" says something mean to another student. If they did that for every single "incident", a principle's days would be fully booked just talking to parents about every single little thing…

          There is usually a track record and trying to keep this in house first. It takes a fair few "incidents" for it to get to a point where the principle says "you know what? I'm done dealing with Henry's shit, it's time we called in the parents for a talk…".

          This "incident" is not the first rodeo "Henry" has been to with the principle and/or other teachers…

          • p1 ama on 28/04/2024 - 21:02
            +6

            @pegaxs: As a former teacher, 100% completely agree with this.

            The first few times, it will be something the classroom teacher deals with. So it won't even be something that's referred to the principal unless it's already a pattern of behaviour. Then once it's escalated to the principal, likely the parents won't get involved unless it's still repeating and ongoing.

  • Drakesy on 28/04/2024 - 13:48
    +6

    Not bullying,

    Would only be bullying if there's some sort of history of this repetitive behaviour and he's singling the kid out.

      • AwesomeAndrew on 28/04/2024 - 13:54
        +1

        Just ignore the principal's comments about the bullying if you know it's untrue, and also tell the kid to avoid that kind of language in the future. Easiest way to resolve the situation.

      • Drakesy on 28/04/2024 - 14:01
        +5

        Just say thanks for your concern, i'll deal with this.
        And leave it at that.

  • CrispyChrispy on 28/04/2024 - 13:57
    +5

    If we're going off the textbook definition of bullying, and if OP hasn't left out any past incidents with the same kid, then no, Henry was not bullying the kid.

    Does that make it ok? No. If Henry didn't have anything helpful to say, then he shouldn't have said it.

    Ask Henry how he would feel if he hurt himself badly and some kid told him to stop acting like a baby?

  • TooSerious2 on 28/04/2024 - 14:04
    +9

    I think Henry's parents should take Henry's advice and stop crying like a baby.
    He was mean and lacked empathy and got called out on it.
    Now the parents are playing the victim and expect the sympathy Henry (and presumably his parents) would deny others.

    • CrispyChrispy on 28/04/2024 - 14:07
      +1

      Henry's mum disagreed, however she is not a confrontational person and wants to maintain good relationship with school and principal so she said she is going to talk to Henry.

      You consider this as playing the victim?

      • TooSerious2 on 28/04/2024 - 14:10
        +8

        Seven times OP has asked:

        How do you handle it with the principle who call your son Henry a bully because of what he said

      • try2bhelpful on 29/04/2024 - 16:04

        So she said she will talk to Henry. So did she point out his behaviour was wrong or just reinforce it?

  • Muzeeb on 28/04/2024 - 14:07
    +19

    Not bullying. Just a lack of empathy. At 10, Henry is just a parrot of his parents. I'm guessing Henry's dad has said to him plenty of times over the years…

    Stop crying like a baby.

    Henry is just repeating what he gets told.

  • bobbified on 28/04/2024 - 14:14
    +3

    I wouldn't call that bullying.

    But what would I know? I grew up being told that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".

    • binagran on 29/04/2024 - 17:46

      I've always hated that saying.
      I was just arguing with my dad the other day, that implicit in the whole saying, is the fact that words can hurt, otherwise why have the saying at all.

      • bobbified on 29/04/2024 - 18:59

        I'm pretty sure it's meant to be a mindset thing.

        Physical pain, someone will definitely feel.
        With words, how a person interprets those words is going to determine if and how much it hurts. One person can prob laugh it off and the next could be on the floor crying in the fetal position.

  • Hvrd on 28/04/2024 - 14:32
    +13

    tell henry not to be a dick

    • smartazz104 on 28/04/2024 - 21:06
      +1

      Oh no calling someone a dick could be considered bullying, watch out.

  • CurlCurl on 28/04/2024 - 14:58
    +6

    Do Henrys parents tell him to "Stop crying like a baby"? If yes, is that bad parenting?

    • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 15:44
      +16

      Yes it is. Rather than dealing with whatever his issues are they are teaching him to suppress. The kid falling off the play equipment has a right to be crying, he probably hurt himself. Empathy is an important thing for kids to learn.

      • Some Human on 28/04/2024 - 17:26

        Is empathy something you can learn? I always thought you either have it or you don't.

        • gromit on 28/04/2024 - 17:51
          +9

          most, except for Psychopaths, have the capacity for empathy, that doesn't necessarily mean they use it, especially if raised in a poor environment where empathy is absent or looked down upon.

          • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 18:16
            +6

            @gromit: Yup, unless Henry is a little psychopath he is learning this behaviour from his parents.

    • OBEY YOUR MASTERS on 29/04/2024 - 08:50
      -2

      They may not tell him to stop crying like a baby but they might say "C'mon, get up and dust yourself off. You'll be ok". Henry may not yet have the same tact.

  • AFOS on 28/04/2024 - 15:02
    +23

    Sorry guys, there is something wrong with my eyes or OP really posted the same phrase again at least 8 times: "how do you handle…".

    • Muzeeb on 28/04/2024 - 15:06
      +14

      It's actually 11 times so far. FFS. I'm convinced OP is the mother of "Henry".

      • bobbified on 28/04/2024 - 15:14
        +3

        You're probably right too. If you look at the way he/she has worded the question each time, it's in first-person.

        "How do you handle it with the principle who call your son Henry a bully because of what he said"

      • SBOB on 28/04/2024 - 15:41
        +10

        I'm convinced OP is the mother of "Henry".

        plot twist, the OP is Henry….

      • pegaxs on 28/04/2024 - 15:48
        +7

        I'm convinced OP is the mother of "Henry" here seeking confirmation bias.

        FTFY.

    • tik tok on 28/04/2024 - 19:38
      +8

      OP, stop asking the same question like a baby

      • gakko on 29/04/2024 - 11:51
        +1

        Op looking for validation of victim complex and didn't find it here so having a sook.

  • mjd93 on 28/04/2024 - 15:39
    +16

    I don't want to overreact, but I firmly think that Henry should be locked in prison for his crimes. Hope this helps.

  • gromit on 28/04/2024 - 15:43
    +6

    Sounds like there is more to the story you haven't been told or are withholding. Usually the trigger for this would be ongoing behaviour, especially aimed at the one child. So whether it was bullying or not would depend on past behaviour.

  • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 15:57
    +13

    FFS some of you people. Teach kids to have empathy and not be mean. Teach them to be tactful and considerate. It will hold them in good stead in later life. A once off incident might not be bullying per se but it is the first step if the kid doesn’t have the right instruction.

    The parents are dragged in so the issue is explained to them. The principals are doing young Henry’s family a favour by pulling him into shape now.

    What kid wants a friend without empathy? How many invites to parties do we think Henry will get if this sort of behaviour is mentioned by the kids to their parents? Just waiting for the follow up that little Henry has no friends and it is the school’s fault.

  • FareEvader on 28/04/2024 - 16:40
    +2

    Sounds to me like you're Henry's your child. Whilst what Henry said is correct, it isn't right. Use this opportunity to teach him to show more empathy.

    As for whether this constitutes bullying, it might be if this is a targetted or repeated behaviour. You've probably omitted some information as it's unlikely the principal would call you in for a "bullying incident" if this was a once-off.

    Children are often a reflection of their parents. Perhaps reconsider your behaviour towards Henry when he cries.

  • JimmyF on 28/04/2024 - 16:57
    +4

    If you think Henry's behaviour considered bullying, why?

    Your sons comments while I wouldn't directly say it was bullying as a once off, had not been called for.

    Did they offer any assistance to help the child in need or just walked up to them and tell them to stop crying?

    Its is basically the same as someone laughing at them and walking away. Think The Simpsons when Nelson says ha ha. This is your child, I mean 'Henry'.

  • serpserpserp on 28/04/2024 - 17:12
    +4

    Let me put it this way, if my kid did the same thing, i'd tell them it is bullying. But they would then understand that and not do it anymore.

    If as a parent I need to confirm if it is bullying, then there is already probably some loose ideas in the household around what is good behavior and what is mean behavior. Remember the kid actually did hurt themselves. If an adult slipped over in front of me and started crying i'd try and help them up, not walk by pretending nothing happened and think "geezus what a baby".

    Is this bullying like 20-30 years ago? No way, back then you'd have 10 kids around you telling you to stop being a baby and the teachers wouldn't care. But it is nice we live in a caring society now. Kids don't have to put up with it anymore.

    • cunningdrew on 29/04/2024 - 09:41
      +3

      Your first sentence, really good point. My kids hangs out with a group at school and one of the kids in the ground was teasing and harassing another. My kid joined in as well and the other kid was pretty upset and told his parents. In the end we told out kid it was akin to bullying and he was mortified. He understood straight away. We want to raise good kids and strong kids, but we also don't want our kid going around harassing others for nothing more than entertainment because lunch still has ten minutes.

  • stickingly on 28/04/2024 - 18:24
    +13

    Kids model their parents' behavior

    The fact that the parents are more concerned with defending their child than dealing with what is obviously a problem (clearly inappropriate behavior and lack of empathy) - says it all.

  • CommuterPolluter on 28/04/2024 - 18:25
    -1

    Depends how high the monkey bar is. Some children are never told “stop crying like a baby” and it shows in how whiney they are as adults.

    • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 18:26
      +7

      And some kids are never taught empathy and appropriate behaviour and they are much bigger problems for society to deal with.

      • CommuterPolluter on 28/04/2024 - 18:30

        That kind of fake empathy only over cuts one way.

        • try2bhelpful on 28/04/2024 - 18:33
          +5

          It is only fake empathy if the kid doesn’t actually care about anyone else. They learn that from their parents as well.

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