How much money should I give as a wedding gift?

Lej888 on 09/07/2014 - 02:35
Last edited 09/07/2014 - 05:41 by 1 other user

Hey guys

What is the acceptable amount these days when you give money as a wedding gift?

The wedding I am going to is a colleague's I was thinking to give $100-150 (going on my own) but when I discussed with a colleague who's attending the same wedding said she's giving $50.

Another colleague said she is not giving any more (i.e. $0/no gift on the wedding day) because the bride's hens night already cost everyone $190pp

It is a half-asian wedding and cash-gifting is the norm for most asian cultures.

What do you guys think??

General Discussion

Comments

        • tikei on 18/07/2014 - 17:20

          You sound like one of those self hate Asians

          Resorting to personal attacks just shows immaturity and lack of argument. I like to keep my eyes open and look at things objectively. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I have to blindly root for my native country in everything. Free thinking is fantastic.

          You were the one who said different cultures have different customs and we can choose to like whichever one. I agree with that. Then you dictate 'the Asian money gift thing is an example we should all copy', like this tradition is superior. What happened to different cultures, different values that you said earlier? I like discussions and to point out the pro and con in things, but when someone tells others 'what we should do' in such matters where there is no definitive right or wrong seems proud.

        • Baghern on 18/07/2014 - 18:41

          @tikei:

          objectively?

          You just trashed another cultures tradition…

          Did I dictate it, did I state people had to do it? I said we should copy it, I didn't say we have to, nor did I say it was superior.

          You are exactly what I described quick to defend and quick to trash

          Not only that you trashed the people who practise it.

          Calm down

        • tikei on 18/07/2014 - 19:57

          @Baghern:

          You just trashed another cultures tradition…

          Please explain how I did. You said western weddings is a disgusting burden on the couple. So why aren't Asian weddings a burden then? You know the answer.

          Did I dictate it, did I state people had to do it? I said we should copy it, I didn't say we have to, nor did I say it was superior.

          Why would you tell someone to copy something if you don't think it's superior? Is it logical to copy something inferior?

          You are exactly what I described quick to defend and quick to trash
          Calm down

          Here you go again. I say the same to you.

          Giving cash is fine. I just don't agree with people who expect a minimum to cover their wedding cost. It's like a mandatory admission fee.

  • Charity on 10/07/2014 - 12:50
    +3

    I really don't understand the modern trend of giving CA$H or giftcards?? When I was a child I was taught it was tacky and only an actual thoughtful gift should be given - and of course you remove the price tag. I have even been to a wedding where if a gift was given, it had to be accompanied by a receipt so the couple could presumably return it for CA$H !

    • lplau on 10/07/2014 - 23:07
      +4

      Its a Chinese tradition not a modern trend.
      It is called "Hong Bao" (Mandarin), Lai Si (Cantonese), Red Pocket or Red Envelope in English.

      Read here for more info about the origins:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_envelope

      Lol, I think nowadays some people give Gift Cards so they can do the dodgy and tax deduct it on their business tax return.

      • StewBalls on 11/07/2014 - 22:22
        +4

        Its a Chinese tradition not a modern trend.

        No, it's actually becoming a significant trend with non-Asian weddings too nowadays…usually the card requesting this is accompanied by some awful poem extolling the desire for cash payment!

        Most of the mature people I know also find it tacky & mercenary…

        • bargainbunny on 12/07/2014 - 11:28
          +2

          Yes we had one of these recently. VERY close family member. They had an engagement with a gift registry and wishing well, kitchen tea with request for money to buy high end kitchen item and wedding asking for money. All within a few months. They were not Asian. It's become the common thing to do. Those poems make me cringe, they always suck! :p

        • lenlynn on 12/07/2014 - 21:18
          +4

          Haven't heard of the poems before so I actually went to goggle it. Lololol

          "Come to our wedding, enjoy our bash; don't bring us a present, just give us yer cash!"

        • Baghern on 18/07/2014 - 10:16

          No its not just a Chinese tradition, many cultures do it.

          Those calling it tacky need to 'grow up', they're the same one's wearing rose coloured glasses saying "in my day"

          In their day couples married early, gifts were feasible.

          Though I've always found gift registry tacky..

    • PcisT on 11/07/2014 - 07:34
      +2

      Showing your age there!

  • JimmyF on 10/07/2014 - 13:07
    +5

    The Etiquette is that you give a gift of roughly around the same value of what was spent on you for the meal/venue. So around $100-150 PER PERSON. If two of you are going then $200-300 gift.

    Also the reason for cash these days is most people lived together for years before getting married or have lived out of home and already have most items. Back in the older days people lived at home with the parents until they got married and only then did they move in together. So they needed gifts to help fill the house. Also the brides parents had to pay for the wedding. Now days this isn't as common, so that cash gift is normally used to help pay the wedding off :)

  • h4zey on 10/07/2014 - 15:30
    -6

    Tell your colleague that you can't make it, if they care enough to ask you why you can't attend the ceremony, then just tell them you can't afford to bring any gift, if they say don't worry about it, then they genuinely want you to be there. However much you wanna give them after that is totally up to you.

    • PcisT on 11/07/2014 - 07:35
      +2

      It's actually not bad advice. If you can't afford to give a decent amount, it's possibly better not to go then have them go out of pocket for you, especially if it's expensive.

      • Eivad on 11/07/2014 - 18:03
        +2

        If you can't afford to pay the expected $100, $150 or whatever, tell the couple your situation and they probably will just say "oh don't worry about the present we really just want you to be there!"

        You shouldn't just give them a blanket "no, I'm not attending" without any reasons. That's just rude.

      • bargainbunny on 12/07/2014 - 11:33
        +2

        We had very close friends decline our wedding. We really wanted them there but couldn't talk them around.Several months later they sent us a gift voucher for a weekend away. There was no expectation for a gift even if they came. We'd rather have had them there.

        If you really can't afford to give a gift and you are close you can write a lovely card and send a gift later. Your real friends will know and appreciate your situation.

  • richmond12 on 10/07/2014 - 15:38
    +1

    I’d say its depending on your relationship.

    Also, with Asians, its about face etc on what you give. But I don’t like it when couples make ‘profits’ out of weddings.

    Sometimes money becomes an expectation. But at the same time, useless kitchenware is kinda sucky. (esp when bought through ozb)

    Colleagues - $100 (but yeh, the couple wouldn’t be surprised with $50 or less – tbh unless it’s a good friend at work I don’t understand the need to invite colleagues as you will mostly move and never seen them again when you change jobs if they aren’t that ‘close’)

    Friends - $100-150 – depended on the reception location cost etc

    Close friends - $150+

    Bridal party/relatives - $variable.

  • sleet on 10/07/2014 - 17:30

    $100 is pretty standard as others have said to cover the cost of reception.

    If you want to make it fun, put one type of each note in a bag and do a lucky dip. Green, yellow, red, blue or pink.

  • brutus on 10/07/2014 - 18:22
    -2

    What ever the reception cost per head + $100-$150

  • scorpiosony on 10/07/2014 - 19:45
    +1

    If they are chinese background, $88 is good amount

    • lplau on 10/07/2014 - 23:04
      +2

      Chinese don't like giving/receiving spare change in a red pocket.
      So you will usually see them give like $800 if they want to make good luck numbers.

      Haha giving $88 will probably make them think you are too stingy to do $100 and wanted to use the 88 lucky number as a "excuse" to give less.

      It is VERY unusual to receive a red pocket with notes and coins, I know since I'm Chinese and been receiving them all my life.

      • lenlynn on 12/07/2014 - 21:21

        I always receive at least one red packet with coins. My relatives are obviously not afraid to be thought stingy. :(

  • GameChanger on 10/07/2014 - 20:15
    +1

    I always give $1000

    • StewBalls on 10/07/2014 - 20:47
      +12

      Your invites are all in the mail now bro…

      • GameChanger on 01/11/2014 - 20:44

        Still waiting for the invite?

        If its in Perth, more than happy to come!

  • gimme on 10/07/2014 - 21:38

    I'd rather not be invited to anyone's wedding. Pointless crap that everyone does thinking they're doing something unique. At the end of the night everyone's pissed and dancing to the Grease soundtrack. I didn't even want to show up to my own wedding.

    • Eivad on 11/07/2014 - 18:04

      Cool story

  • This Guy on 10/07/2014 - 21:54

    As a student I gave $50 for me and my partner.

    Now I try to cover our meals + a gift.

    When I have ten kids, paying child support to seven different ladies and a mortgage on a cockroach infested apartment I'll go back to $50.

    It's cash. It's not personal so unless it hurts I don't feel like I'm giving.

  • zzzsianzzz on 10/07/2014 - 22:05

    i think it depends on venue like what some said. hopped on the glass type cruise for a wedding before, need seasickness pills on top of the cash!
    I will go for $100, as it might only just be about right for your meal.
    $190 for hens party is abit over the top, but its a celebration. let the hens roll…

  • PleasureMe on 10/07/2014 - 23:37
    +5

    I know that there are a lot of tightarses around here, but to give $50 is just embarrassing. As others have mentioned, the standard practise is to give the amount that your place at the wedding will cost. I'm actually planning my wedding at the moment and believe me, there is no where that you will pay less than $100 per head. I have just agreed to pay $160 per head (and that was after bargaining a discount), but some of the places I looked at were up to $200 p/h. Bottom line, do some research and pay what the venue is worth. $150 is a safe bet and it's what I always give. As harsh as it may sound, if any of my guests only give me $50 for my upcoming wedding, then I may truly have to question our friendship and also my judgment for inviting them to my wedding in the first place.

    • chir0nex on 11/07/2014 - 00:45
      +1

      Yeah it doesn't make good business sense to make a loss on any guests, I only invited those that I know would give enough for me to make a decent return on the wedding. That's solid judgement.

      • PleasureMe on 11/07/2014 - 02:10
        +7

        A wedding is not a business venture. It's an event you share with your friends and family.

        • inasero on 11/07/2014 - 14:25
          +1

          so then it shouldn't matter too much if you make a bit of a loss?

        • bargainbunny on 12/07/2014 - 11:06
          +2

          Agreed. I understand the cultural aspect and $100 is a nice and generous number.

          I had a small wedding. We saved money for it delaying our honeymoon for six months. We asked for nothing, we wanted to celebrate with the people we loved. We got all sorts of things and we felt that everything we received was kind and generous whether big or small. The gifts we receive we actually use and I remember who gave it to us. The $ was spending money on our honeymoon.

          People will generally gift you something on your wedding, according to what they can afford. If you have to work out your wedding costs based on how much you're getting back per head you might need to rethink. Its extremely presumptuous. I've been invited to weddings in the past at times where money was extremely tight and even though I wanted to be there I declined because of the "expectation". It's a little sad.

          Just give whatever you can afford and write a heartfelt card.

      • ThadtheChad on 11/07/2014 - 16:34

        ^^ that was sarcasm wasn't it?

    • Sweet Potatoes on 11/07/2014 - 06:48
      +4

      Spoken like a true Bridezilla!!

    • Charity on 11/07/2014 - 09:44
      +2

      Lol - sounds like you should have an auction to find out who are best friends?

      • itajac on 12/07/2014 - 09:57
        +2

        Or just don't invite friends that are poor. Assuming you know who they are. :|

    • Eivad on 11/07/2014 - 18:05

      Of course, I'm assuming if you know some of your friends may be in financial trouble (eg lost their job, expensive medical fees, house repossessed, etc) - you would understand.

    • tikei on 12/07/2014 - 20:31
      +2

      I'm Asian myself so I know about the red envelope tradition, but I don't agree with the bride and groom expecting a certain amount from guests. They are GUESTS, they were invited to witness and celebrate for you; gifts or money from them are a gesture of good will, shouldn't be treated as a minimum entry fee or dining tab. So if you invite a friend who's financially struggling, would you want the friend to use the money that she desperately needs to pay for your party, or that she decline to go because she can't meet your financial expectation? If it were me I would just want her to be there. I want everyone to enjoy the day, not mentally calculating this and that, and judging people because of it.
      I always told my guy that I don't want a fancy wedding, just something that we can afford without relying on our guests' donations. It's 'our' day, it doesn't feel right to me making guests pay for our special day.

      • ThadtheChad on 15/07/2014 - 08:59

        ^^this. Well posted.

  • josepet on 11/07/2014 - 02:20
    +3

    In Spain, less than 100EURO per head is an insult.

  • PcisT on 11/07/2014 - 07:40
    +5

    Bit embarrassing to give $50 I think - no matter how crappy the wedding is. Not many good venue where you can pay under that per head for your guests. If everyone did that, it would send the couple into debt.

    $100 would be the absolute minimum, and I would even be looking at $150-200+. That's purely a result of inflation too, and not just couples becoming more greedy with time. $50 would have probably been worth lots more in the 80's anyhow.

  • ghostdom on 11/07/2014 - 08:02

    If the asian is Chinese.

    Maybe good to give $101 (100 + 1 dollar coin), which means the only love or they choose each other among big crowd (picking up 1 from 100).

    A good meaning worth more.

    But do not forget to pack in Hong Bao

  • richmond12 on 11/07/2014 - 09:48

    Especially if you know the couple is funding it by themselves.

  • JimB on 11/07/2014 - 10:21
    +1

    I'm asian and got married a couple of years ago.

    Thankfully our parents didn't invite every neighbour and his dog.

    I think my reception venue hire was $11k or so (I heard they now charge $14.5k- I should be in this business).

    Catering was around $90 per head.

    The way I saw it, is if I'm getting $90 per head then I'm ahead.

    I had a few people, say 5 or so people out of 320 who gave $50, most gave $100 to $150, others gave up to $4-500.

    So as long as the guest pay for at least their own food, then it's not costing you anything- so I was happy with $100 from guests (honestly).

    Personally I generally give $150-$200. $150 if it is a shit venue and $200 if it is a better venue. And add another $100 or so if it is close family or friends.

    The best thing about knowing what people give is finding out the ones who like to appear rich, or are rich that give like $100. Now I know why they are rich. haha. Conversely, you'll get some big $$$ from modest people. In the end, you'll find out if family and friends like you! haha

    So, to the OP, $100 for the colleague is fine. As it's a half Asian wedding $100 may be more than the mean value of gifts.

    PS, where is the venue?

    • richmond12 on 11/07/2014 - 11:40

      made a profit hey?

      • nahi11 on 11/07/2014 - 14:04
        +1

        Hmmm 14.5k. Imagine all the eneloops you could buy.

        Guess I feel better about being single.

        • JimB on 11/07/2014 - 14:32
          +2

          Is there a website the total opposite of ozbargain? If so, my wife is prob a member.

          I love her, but geez she can abuse the credit card.

          I'll be much better off as a single man! haha

        • lenlynn on 12/07/2014 - 21:31

          Lol! Wish I can be like that. Will prob be counting how many hrs I need to work for all that.

      • JimB on 11/07/2014 - 14:40

        Either a small one or broke even after the cost for the ceremony, photo, video, clothes, flowers, food for the morning etc etc.. there are a lot of etcetera's lol

        I did go cheap on the wedding car and just borrowed a current model (at the time) E Class Merc.

        All up was close to $50k.

        I don't regret it at all. The aim wasn't to make a profit, but not have too much out of pocket expenses.. so breaking even was a good result.

        To be honest, even if I had to pay for the venue, I was ok with that, as I hired it. If the guest paid for their own dinner ($90) then it's not costing me anything as venue hire and everything else is a fixed cost.

    • lplau on 11/07/2014 - 14:22
      +1

      Since its half asian, maybe give them $50 then give a present… if you get what I mean. lol.

  • wjb on 11/07/2014 - 10:26

    If asian chinese then best to avoid the number four (4) as it sounds like death. must avoid $400

    • JimB on 11/07/2014 - 10:27

      I think that's more of a Cantonese thing isn't it.

      Me meh, I'd rather receive $400 than $350.

      • ghostdom on 11/07/2014 - 11:51

        Also avoid 250…

        • chir0nex on 11/07/2014 - 11:54

          why is that?

        • sunarde on 11/07/2014 - 13:53
          +1

          @chir0nex:
          四　(4) shi also sounds like 死 (death) shi
          Same spelling slightly different pronunciation.
          (This bad luck number applies to mainland China/Hong Kong/Japan and many other Asian countries - even singapore) - allot of chinese heritage and migration

          p.s. I just realised you might be pointing at the $250 - that I don't know lol

        • bbear on 11/07/2014 - 14:13
          +2

          @chir0nex:
          you will find the answer in this video…

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFTW_abinnM

          ps: I have heard of stories where people gave an empty red packet…..so dodgy!!!

        • lplau on 11/07/2014 - 14:25

          @sunarde:
          Haha,
          9 is also a bad number. Sounds like "Dog" in Chinese so nobody uses that too.

          4 could be good depending on how you use it like 348 is good "Alive Death Flourish" e.g. you will always be rich no matter what.

          @bbear:
          Haha I heard of that too, and usually you can narrow down on who did it as 95% of people who know red envelope etiquette puts their name on it for a wedding. It is frowned upon, as it is highly bad luck. Those people are ASKING for their friendship to be cut off. lol.

          I received a 2 dollar keyring for a present on the day of my wedding and I went through my guest list and actually worked out who it was… I don't know them anymore. Funny thing was, I knew a person who went to that couple's wedding (the one who gave me the keyring), I convinced him to regift it back to them and not give any red envelopes. Quite amusing… haha.

        • Manh on 12/07/2014 - 01:47

          @lplau:
          9 should be good for weddings. It can mean eternity.

          When the groom comes over to the bride's house, the bride's people at the door will demand a huge sum of money from the groom and the amount is usually a whole bunch of 9s before letting him in.

  • sunarde on 11/07/2014 - 13:49
    +4

    In my experience its $200-500 per person if your family/relative and $100-200 if you're a colleague in a red pocket.

    Reason?
    a) Its to cover the cost of the venue/reception
    b) Its to wish them good luck in the future and that the money you give will help them out financially a little e.g. babies/house etc
    c) Fairly offensive to the couple whom spent money on you + spent the time organising a big event more so than the time you will take to travel to the venue (3-6 months planning)

    On a side note I do know that this is Ozbargain… But I don't think you should be stingy with wedding gifts and that $200 should be the norm now (considering how expensive stuff are) Even groceries a week may cost 200+/week according to the Ozbargain forum.

    Even if you earn $20/hr = 11 hours of work (tax in mind), that is like 1 1/2 days of pay? Yes I am generalising but I am going by how much I earn on a casual basis as a university student.

    I spend more on booze/clubbing in one night. =.='

    • JimB on 11/07/2014 - 14:48
      +1

      'I spend more on booze/clubbing in one night. =.='

      You sure you're an ozbarginer? lol

      As posted above, as long as you've paid for your own food, then you're not costing the couple anything- venue hire & other fixed expenses will be the same if you turn up or not.

      I was happy to pay for my venue myself and all other fixed expenses, I'm just grateful for guests to attend my wedding and just pay for the food ($90). Anything above that amount is a bonus.

      But I somewhat agree with you, $100 is fine for a colleague. $200 is a bit much, especially if it's a cheap ass reception and you won't stay in touch when you or they leave the company.

      • kimmylala on 12/07/2014 - 17:52
        +1

        $90 was the cost back then, these days catering cost $130 plus

        • JimB on 15/07/2014 - 10:59

          It's still under $100 for catering from what I hear in Melbourne, however please note, this doesn't include the venue hire.

          Includes half lobster, abalone, whole coral trout, umm shark fin soup, etc. I wish I could have omitted shark fin soup for environmental reasons, but then I'll have 200 complaining guests.

  • nekro on 11/07/2014 - 16:39

    $100 buks max

  • ThadtheChad on 11/07/2014 - 16:51
    +4

    I'm trying to get my head around this concept. Not sure I completely agree as it almost sounds like a guest is subsidising/paying for the cost of a wedding. A cash-gift (or any gift for that matter) is intended to be a gesture of goodwill and affection. Correlating the monetary value of the gift vs how much the person/people like you is shallow at best.

    Banking on cash-gifts to pay off a wedding sounds a bit like the couple is overstretching themselves financially and should probably stick to something smaller.

    I'm going to get negged, but I'd like to understand what is the rationale behind this. It's clearly not just tradition, there seems to be a consensus present among certain posters that a high value cash-gift is a mandate, rather than a "nice to have".

    PS: I'm not trying to justify being cheap. My sister got married recently and I gifted the couple $4K to help out with their journey as a married couple. I wouldn't expect anyone to reciprocate in such manner.

    • PcisT on 11/07/2014 - 21:34

      Flip side the couple could just make cheese and ham sandwiches for everyone but then that would be a crap celebration.

      • StewBalls on 11/07/2014 - 22:31
        +3

        Pretty superficial outlook mate.

        Some of the sweetest, most enjoyable weddings I've been to have been catered on a budget. IME the people make the occasion, not the venue, food or grog.

    • This Guy on 12/07/2014 - 02:08

      It's not about paying for the wedding. I like paying my own way then adding a little extra as a gift.

      When I haven't been able to I've just given what I can afford.

      That said, the misses is a tight arse. She normally wins so we just give $200 as a couple.

      • ThadtheChad on 12/07/2014 - 12:05
        +2

        Fair enough if that's something that you guys use to calculate how much to give. However, there should be no expectation of an "amount" from the person inviting you to the wedding. I'd invite people to a wedding and their presence would be gift enough. An invitation to a wedding is supposed to the couple inviting you to share one of the biggest (and happiest) moments of their lives. You presence is generally considered gift enough. While a token present is appreciated, there is no requirement that mandates the gift should equate to the value of your "cost".

        I understand a lot better after reading about this across various forums on the Interwebz (I was bored and I had a short flight to catch). That said, while the underlying sentiment of the tradition was laudable (helping young couples find their feet), what it has become now… is a bit questionable.

        In a number of cultures, having an ostentatious wedding is seen as a sign of wealth and status. So much so, that a lot of people of modest means overstretch themselves financially to the point they're heavily in debt and have to rely on "fundraising activities" of this nature.

        IMHO (and I'm seeing a lot of peers doing this) is to have a modest wedding that one can afford and pay for without banking on gifts. Save all the excess cash for your "journey together".

    • Manh on 12/07/2014 - 02:21
      +2

      It's a vicious cycle. The money-giving as been going on for generations in the Asian community and it's now partly about giving back what you received at your own wedding.

      Sometimes, even if the couple just wants to elope and not hold a reception/ceremony, their parents will demand a one so they can invite their relatives. There's three kinds of Asian parents who demands a reception/ceremony.

      One type is the monetary type who only thinks their kids should be getting back what moneys was owed from going to all those other relative's weddings.

      Second type of parents is the type more worried about saving face. Having no ceremony/reception it's as if their kids' marital status is shady even when the paperwork is done properly. They'll have a hard time meeting up with their relatives, and should the topic come up, they'll quickly point out that it's official with the paperwork and try to dismiss it that it wasn't their idea.

      Third type is a mix of both.

      Like I said. It's a vicious cycle that you don't want to enter :(

      • kimmylala on 12/07/2014 - 17:55
        +1

        I agree, soo expensive =(

      • lenlynn on 12/07/2014 - 21:38
        +1

        Hmm how about the type who just wants to show off? That's prob in every culture

    • Fliedlice on 14/07/2014 - 03:11
      +1

      Haha I guess it's understandable for people not to grasp the concept of 'hong bao' if they haven't grown up with it all their lives.

      People can try and meticulously interpret its purpose and the meaning behind it all but at the end of the day even if it doesn't make sense, because it is a cultural tradition this means almost every single South-East Asian wedding that we have known about also follows this custom and so that's just what we know about it.

      "A cash-gift (or any gift for that matter) is intended to be a gesture of goodwill and affection. Correlating the monetary value of the gift vs how much the person/people like you is shallow at best."
      Yes and no. From my understanding the cash-gift was intended to mainly pay for the cost of attending the venue, however that is mainly for acquaintances, distant relatives and friends. The closer you are, the more you're expected to contribute. Correlating monetary value with affection does seem shallow, but you could also argue that how much the person/people like you would be reflected in how much they're willing to financial help pay for the venue costs.

      Obviously, the bride and groom will understand if you have financial difficulties and won't hate you for it, but if they don't and you pay $50 it is quite rude and it's probably more polite not to put any money in at all (Either go $100 and all the way or nothing - not half-arsed).

      "It's clearly not just tradition, there seems to be a consensus present among certain posters that a high value cash-gift is a mandate, rather than a "nice to have"."
      Well if it's not tradition for those other people, then i don't know what it is..

  • congo on 11/07/2014 - 17:03

    $100 per person. Easy.

  • Mikaela on 11/07/2014 - 18:02

    I would go with $100

  • horseshoe on 11/07/2014 - 19:58

    $100 to $150 is pretty good.
    It can also depend on how old you are and if you're working. If you can't afford it then I think they would understand if you gave less (although if you're going under $100 I think i would go with a gift instead, it doesn't look as cheapskate)

  • Mingwhile on 11/07/2014 - 19:58

    Well in China,it would be better if most colleagues giving the same, that's to show there's no discrimination in the relationships.The Superior officers are expected more, and so are the closed friends.

  • p1 ama on 11/07/2014 - 20:16
    +4

    As with most gifts, give what you can afford. Good friends don't expect anything more from each other and if you're poor, chances are, your friends will know and sympathise. If you can afford more, but you decide to be a cheapass, they'll know too.

  • XeSSiV on 11/07/2014 - 21:44

    Lol $190 for a hens night might not be that bad. For my friend's bucks night [was actually over 3 days/2 nights] we chipped in $350 each to cover food/drinks/accommodation and.. erm.. entertainment :)
    Back to topic - I'd give $100 as standard unless it's an expensive place - $150 then

    • [Deactivated] on 12/07/2014 - 21:29
      +3

      I'd rather pay $350 to be part of a bucks night/weekend rather than $190 for a hen's night (yawn).

      (and I'm female).

      • lenlynn on 12/07/2014 - 21:40

        Yes agree!!! :):)

  • big on 11/07/2014 - 22:05
    -1

    40 cent - and put the name of another guest you don't like on the envelope :)

  • StewBalls on 11/07/2014 - 22:28

    It is a half-asian wedding and cash-gifting is the norm for most asian cultures.

    So what happens with the non-Asian half…do they get a say in the matter???

    • ozneo on 12/07/2014 - 07:22

      Wrong question… Bride always decides, grooms have no say. No matter what culture.

      • StewBalls on 12/07/2014 - 09:42
        +1

        Bride always decides, pussywhipped grooms have no say.

        Fixed! ;)

        • Baghern on 18/07/2014 - 10:29
          +1

          Aren't we all, some just can't admit it

          its not "happy husband happy life"

  • Kevan2 on 11/07/2014 - 22:52

    My nieces wedding, a coworker/friend dropped $20 into the well. That would not have covered the cost of her entre. But that is all she may have been able to afford. Yes we gave a little more, by cheque and based on the wedding date. Decimal point in right place.

    Red envelopes, some Chinese men have a supply of filled red envelopes in the glove box of their car, just in case the wedding they go to is higher station than expected. ?

    Only issue I see is how close you are or work with co worker. Do they know your income station? What is the pecking order at work? Are they one of the real power people where you work? Do you work well with them? Or is there history, remembered or just happened?
    If it blind envelopes , money well, your home free. Other wise have fun working out your strategy.

  • miq on 12/07/2014 - 01:08
    -4

    Give them an envelope of anthrax.

    • miq on 12/07/2014 - 01:09
      -4

      Or one of those big 10kg bags of rice

    • stemcell on 12/07/2014 - 19:12
      +1

      lol

  • stemcell on 12/07/2014 - 12:11
    -1

    Print 1000 of the maccas vouchers off here and place in sealed envelope, you'll look good & they'll feel good, providing they don't open immediately. Sit back and wait for the hubby to die of blocked arteries after eating said maccas and kerbang your in.

  • sal78 on 12/07/2014 - 12:53
    +2

    depends how close you are and what you can afford. $100 is good but if it's a good friend who has been there for you or a close colleague that has helped you out etc then a bit more is good.

    i am chinese and when we got married 12 yrs ago, I didn't mind gifts but of course preferred cash. But I am very picky and what I was most afraid of were gifts that were not my style. I did a gift registry and there were a range of items from $30 min to $80. I got married young so many of our friends were still students or just working. Have to be considerate to everyone. But even with quite a few gifts, we were very blessed with larger red packets from relatives, family etc and could start off our new life comfortably.

    I also received a dowry which we didn't ask for but my mil is very traditional. However it wasn't a huge amt compared to the norm but more of a token and respect. My parents gave the entire dowry back to us to put towards the wedding.

  • niko12 on 12/07/2014 - 13:25
    +4

    From an asian background myself, $150 is the norm now and if it's a close friend then its $150+. Some people think that money is an impersonal gift, but a lot of couples use the money as a house deposit for their future together. I personally think money is a lot more thoughtful to the bride and groom as it can help them in more ways than one as opposed to something like kitchenware that may not even be necessary.

    And like another post before has mentioned, different cultures have different values. Most asian relatives i know like to give an amount that would cover their meal as well as extra on top as a gift.

  • Soybeanus on 13/07/2014 - 16:04

    I'm still young yet… but god damn I hope I don't get invited to many weddings in the future.

    • sal78 on 14/07/2014 - 11:47
      +1

      haha, my Asians friends in asia go broke. they have to decline wedding invitations. gets ridiculous.

  • ozguy on 13/07/2014 - 23:03

    Old dude asks how much should the father of the bride contribute towards the wedding? Could be a new thread, but I've recently been there, done that regarding the question, so it's just a casual enquiry, just a little tangential to the topic.

    • mskeggs on 15/07/2014 - 07:53

      If you are very wealthy, offer to pay for it.
      If you are not, explain to the bride you can contribute $x toward the event, but tell her very early, so she can manage her own expectations. Nothing worse than spending months planning a huge event then finding it is unaffordable.
      If you aren't from a culture where it would be offensive, I would suggest having a beer with the father of the groom and asking him how much he is going to contribute. That would allow you both to avoid going over board or looking bad.
      My father-in-law has 4 daughters. He has contributed around $10k for each of 3 weddings.
      I reckon this is more than reasonable, as it would completely fund an intimate wedding, and lets the couple decide how much more they wish to spend. Note that at least one daughter felt this was substantially under what she would have liked as she wanted a large, glamorous wedding at an interstate destination.

  • unity1 on 14/07/2014 - 00:54

    Simple, give what you would expect in return. Don't worry how much it is going to cost for them to stage the wedding, that's not your problem.

  • allyemil on 14/07/2014 - 11:17
    -7

    Personally, I'd be insulted if i invited someone to a wedding and they gave $50 as a gift. No, the invitation to a wedding is not to get money, but out of respect for the couple and to help them pay some of the wedding costs, the guests could at the very least pay for their meals or at least half of it.
    Weddings cost hell of a lot of money and to be invited is an honour and show of respect from the couple and their families. The least guests could do is give some of that respect back.
    Quite frankly, if i knew in advance people who plan to give $50 or a stupid cheap present, I wouldn't invite them to begin with and would tell them where to stick the $50 they were planing on gifting.
    There could be some exceptions where for example a friend or a family member is in bad financial situation at the time.
    I've been invited to a few weddings, some family, some friends and have never gifted less than $200 for friends and up to $500 for family members.

    • StewBalls on 14/07/2014 - 11:25
      +2

      Wow, just wow…aren't we the entitled one, precious…

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