Fiancé wants me to sign a pre-nup

freedomtrader on 18/07/2014 - 07:58

Hi,

Me and the fiancé were discussing about purchasing some property just recently and she basically wanted to ask what I thought about a pre-nup. Honestly, I was expecting this to come-up at some stage of our relationship - she comes from a family where getting ahead and making money is KING. I come from a more traditional type of family where family unit is KING. She has more assets (and loves to rub my nose in it when she can). We make about the same amount of money. Does anyone know of any good pre-nup or collaborative lawyers who won't rip me off? I get the feeling this pre-nup will be heavily skewed in her favour so we'll need to negotiate to make it fair. Also do you recommend I get out my own pre-nup?

Financial

Comments

      • sparkles on 28/07/2014 - 09:15

        Nice visual. Ummmm, thanks.

        LOL

  • superadmin on 12/08/2014 - 00:10

    Keep things fair. Go for it.

  • DEvok on 14/08/2014 - 07:44

    You could always adopt children if they really wanted so badly, you should put yourself over the line than someone else's for this kind of a situation, it's just not worth it.

    Happiness is the key to marriage, if you both dont even have that, then whats the point of even being together?

  • Son of Matrix on 14/08/2014 - 20:13
    +1

    I see so many RUN advices. I have never actually RUN before.

    How do you guys normally "RUN"?

  • Angela1204 on 17/08/2014 - 08:08
    -5

    First question… Does she have more assets because she has worked and paid for and earned every single one of them, and not her family's? Second question: given that she has more assets than you, does she then take more financial responsibility (eg if she wants a luxury item, does she pay for it herself?). If the answer to both questions is yes, then she has a point. She worked her ass off, so why shouldn't she have a right to protect her assets?

    2nd point: And for those people who advise you to run- i would run from THEM, not your fiancée- because it sounds like that she may be the perfect balance for you- and you for her. I work in a job where I counsel a lot of couples before their separation and divorce, and finances is probably by far one of those most common issues I've had to deal with, and whilst I agree that the family unit is important, these warring couples frequently forget that to raise a family, one needs money. The petrol bills, electricity bills, schools and mortgage aren't going to pay for themselves just because you are in love. There is a reason why those elderly couples who remain married after 60 years look so happy- and conversely, the same reason why the divorce rate is 40%. Because marriage is more about solving issues and problems together, living out the hardships of life together, achieving a joint success together- than about love. Life is not a rom-com. How much can you possibly love someone after, say, a 7 year relationship? You probably know and understand your childhood friends more. True love comes at the end of a long journey and struggles. And if you're not even prepared to deal with the difficult issues (eg ensuring financial stability) before you're married, then you have no business getting married. If your fiancée is good at money managing, then you may very well need those skills. On the other hand, she will need you to balance her out in her relentless pursuit of materialistic success and keep her grounded and happy.

    3rd point: there is a lot more to financial stability than just buying a house. You can't eat your house when you retire (again, having counselled many a depressed person on the eve of their retirement- or on threshold of planning a family- who has just realised that they've spent everything they've earned, except the house….). You do need to generate assets, and marriage is about dealing with the difficult issue of generating assets to provide for your children. The financial advisors say that you need $1m jn non-residential assets to provide for a comfortable retirement, and to raise a child from birth to 18 takes a similarly significant amt of money. Studies show that children from better socio-economic backgrounds have better rates of academic success. Whilst spending time with your children remains the most critical element of all, you also want to be able to ensure that they have a quality education and not have to skimp on items which children now need for school and other activities. The 1950's it is not.

    Basically, get realistic and start working on these issues. Because that's what life is about. It is not an eternal honeymoon. Now even those cost money.

    • Baghern on 23/08/2014 - 18:35
      +1

      I hope you tell that to all the guys who go into relationships earning more than the girl (most)…

      There are a lot of good income girls out there looking for Mr earn more…

    • DrPayne1990 on 24/12/2014 - 23:29

      Your comments seem tremendously bias for the female in this relationship.

      In my opinion there is a lot of manipulation at hand here which needs to be addressed by the OP before anything else.

      • jaybmate on 25/12/2014 - 01:28
        +1

        Think about it, it is actually most likely the fiance herself or her friend.

  • [Deactivated] on 23/08/2014 - 19:55

    Just be submissive in your relationship and everything will be fine. You can forget your ever signed the pre-nup.

    The only reason why you would be worried or angry at the pre-nup is if you actually wanted to scam some money after a divorce. Otherwise, there is nothing to lose. You bring what you need into the relationship and it's fine.

    I see a lot of these setups especially when a white-anglo (usually south african) marries a wealthy chinese woman. Go check out the youtube channels.

  • Son of Matrix on 24/08/2014 - 12:10

    Where is op and what happened to him?

  • Son of Matrix on 24/08/2014 - 12:11

    https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/157957

    Op is alive and well. He has made his decision.

  • poppit88 on 07/12/2014 - 01:55
    +1

    As a woman who went into a relationship some years ago, I too had all the assets upon entering the relationship. When we moved into together, and I brought up the idea of a pre-nup, I was told by my partner, "I don't believe in pre-nups, and if you really love me you wouldn't want to have one." I didn't take it further. A break up 5 years later, saw me lose substantial assets.

    Never again, would I live with someone with out having that little piece of paper. And if I met someone who had assets far greater than mine, I would absolutely insist on having them draw up a pre-nup, that way no one can ever say that you were with them for anything less than true love.

    That voice in my head all those years ago, that I should have listened to, caused me many years of financial hardship after that break-up. And, yes I'm still paying for it because by now I would have been virtually debt free - instead I've managed to get back on my feet, but find myself lumbered with a huge mortgage.

    Now, that she rubs your nose in it that she has more money, assets etc., than you is a completely different story. That's not loving someone, it's trying to control them via emotional manipulation. She's basically putting you down.

    A pre-nup that is thought out respectfully and signed by each other, is frankly the greatest love letter you can ever write to one and other - you really are declaring that you're marrying each other for love, not money.

    • Candour on 07/12/2014 - 06:58

      sad that love only exists in hollywood's brainwashing the masses
      we pay for going against irrational social urges

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