Found a valuable lost item for somone, and received a reward. Is it rude to reject the reward?

supervigilante on 16/09/2015 - 17:33
Last edited 18/09/2015 - 12:36 by 1 other user

Brought up in another culture, I'm not entirely sure about the Australian way of accepting reward when you found something valuable and returned to the owner.

What would you do as the founder? Do you expect to be rewarded because it's a social norm? Do you need to at least pretend like you don't care about the reward?

What would you feel as the owner? Are you reluctant to give reward but feel obliged? How do you judge how much to reward the founder? Would you feel offended if the founder rejects your reward?

Thanks in advance for your input!

Edit: Thanks for all your answers. It's nice to see many honest people here. Upvotes for everyone!

Poll Options

  • 104
    Modestly accept it but say "you shouldn't have to"
  • 74
    Reject it and say "I don't expect anything in return"
  • 24
    Gracefully accept it and say "aww thanks!"
  • 9
    Feel offended if the reward is less than what you expected
General Discussion

Comments

  • loulou1 on 16/09/2015 - 17:48
    +45

    Can only speak from my own experience. I am happy to return an item without a reward. As cheesy as it sounds, their happiness is generally enough for me to feel good.
    If I had lost an item and it was returned I would most likely offer a reward. If I offer it, it makes me feel good if you accept it. Would not be offended if you didn't take it, but would prefer you did,

    • Adz81 on 16/09/2015 - 17:52
      +7

      +1 to this… If more people did this, the world would be a better place…

      Perhaps if you're uncomfortable with a reward, ask that they make a donation to a charity in your name?

      • bdl on 16/09/2015 - 20:16
        +3

        Perhaps if you're uncomfortable with a reward, ask that they make a donation to a charity in your name?

        This - ask the lost-item-person to make a donation to a charity of your choice if they'd like to thank you. Win win win for everyone

        • mskeggs on 16/09/2015 - 21:01
          +4

          I have done this, but only an off hand, "please give it to somebody who needs it".
          I got the idea from somebody who said the same to me, and I made sure I gave the good donation to the next person asking for charity.
          I think it is a good way for everybody to feel good and do good in this situation.

        • [Deactivated] on 17/09/2015 - 13:47
          +1

          @mskeggs:

          That's a lovely idea.

    • supervigilante on 17/09/2015 - 10:50
      +1

      Yeah I never expected any reward. I am happy the owner is reunited with something of high sentimental value. He went out of the way to get a thank you card and a gift card. Just worried he might be offended if I reject his effort to show gratitude.

    • [Deactivated] on 17/09/2015 - 13:53
      +2

      Does anyone remember the Ryan Leslie laptop issue?
      He lost his laptop in an airport and posted a $1million reward then when it was returned he didn't pay it. Then the court ordered him to pay $1.2million.

      http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/01/05/rapper-ryan-leslie-order…

      • Lancerx on 17/09/2015 - 17:43
        +1

        wow never knew about this story…gotta be the dumbest rapper lol

        • gimli on 17/09/2015 - 20:17
          +1

          he has a lot of competition for that title … lol

        • teardrops21 on 17/09/2015 - 20:25
          +6

          After paying that, he would have to change his name to 50 cent

        • Lancerx on 17/09/2015 - 20:46
          +2

          @teardrops21: 50 cents gone bankrupt too didn't he?

  • [Deactivated] on 16/09/2015 - 18:01
    +4

    In some cultures it is considered rude to turn down a gift. Take your cue from the attitude of the person offering it. If they look like they're only offering because they feel they should, politely decline and state you did not return the item expecting a reward. If they insist, accept and be thankful but humble.

    • supervigilante on 17/09/2015 - 10:57
      +1

      Would anyone get offended if the finder say "you shouldn't have to" or "give it to someone else in need/charity"? I was given a thank you card and gift card. They put effort in arranging the reward, so I'm worried that even a slight amount of rejection is considered rude.

  • Bonsaichop on 16/09/2015 - 18:07
    +12

    I do refuse-refuse-accept. That way you give them a chance if they are doing it out of obligation, but if they're quite insist as is the custom in some cultures I'll accept it.

    Works well for many situations, not just lost and found.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 16/09/2015 - 22:55
      +8

      Take the pen.

      • [Deactivated] on 16/09/2015 - 23:06

        <3

    • DeafMutePretender on 17/09/2015 - 01:33
      +3

      The 3 rule is a good one.

      "Thanks for [good deed]. Please accept this as thanks"
      "No I can't accept this"

      "I insist"
      "No really I can't"

      "I insist"
      "Okay, if you insist"

      • supervigilante on 17/09/2015 - 11:06
        +8

        "Wait I thought you said you can't accept it! twice!"

  • pointless martyr on 16/09/2015 - 18:12
    +12

    Just say "oh, i wasnt expecting a reward, its not needed. But thankyou kindly" as you put your hands out and clasp hold of the said reward.

    Then you seem gracious but really are a cunning weasel, just shy of holding the returned item for ransom.

    • [Deactivated] on 16/09/2015 - 22:24
      +3

      brutally honest comment. lol

    • Scrooge McDuck on 16/09/2015 - 22:57
      +4

      as you put your hands out and clasp hold of the said reward.

      Better to use one hand for misdirection… leaving your other free to reach into the back pocket.

       

      Unless of course you're an expert going for the wristwatch.

  • lenlynn on 16/09/2015 - 18:20
    +2

    I don't expect anything so any reward offered is always a nice surprise. Think it's OK to accept when it is something small (e.g. chocolates) but I have refused before when it was something of higher value that I felt I couldn't possibly accept (was offered a family doll once).

  • Davo1111 on 16/09/2015 - 18:35
    +2

    Depends how far i travelled.

    Most of the time i've found a wallet, i post it back (with no return). Hence never hear from them.

    • pointless martyr on 16/09/2015 - 18:53
      +18

      I usually post a small piece of the wallet, just to show the accompanying ransom note is for real

      • DeafMutePretender on 17/09/2015 - 01:36
        +3

        "Send us some money if you want to see the rest of your wallet. Otherwise the wallet GETS IT"

        The ransom note will consist of letters of various fonts and sizes, clipped from magazines and such.

        Then the ransomer will facepalm because there's already money in the wallet.

      • apey2000 on 18/09/2015 - 22:15

        Thanks. This made me laugh! :)

    • spychiatrist on 16/09/2015 - 19:58
      +1

      How sure are you then that the wallet was received and not lost in the mail?

      • Davo1111 on 16/09/2015 - 20:17
        +3

        I don't. But it's lost anyway, so i've done my bit to send it on

        • mskeggs on 16/09/2015 - 21:04
          +4

          I recieved my lost wallet in the post when I was a kid. It had maybe $2 in it, but the bus pass, bank card, library card etc. would have been a pain and costly to replace so I was very grateful to get it back.
          So a big thank-you to the Davo1111's of the world.

    • DeafMutePretender on 17/09/2015 - 01:37
      +1

      Most of the time i've found a wallet, i post it back (with no return). Hence never hear from them.

      As they say, no good deed goes unpunished

  • rompastompa on 16/09/2015 - 18:57
    +1

    At work, when I help people they often try and give a 'reward' for my time.

    I always decline, but if they insist, I tell them that they don't have to and accept the reward. (Usually in form of $20 for beer :))

    Never expect a reward. Anything offered is them showing appreciation.

  • xfiledavid on 16/09/2015 - 19:04
    +1

    if you dont want a reward, send it to charity or ask them too.

  • scrimshaw on 16/09/2015 - 19:41
    +3

    From my opinion, if they've already gone out of the way to prepare the reward, then you should accept.

    Especially if reward is not money (i.e. it's an item they bought for the purpose of gifting) then there's no reason to refuse the reward.

    • mskeggs on 16/09/2015 - 21:05
      +2

      Yes, if somebody has baked a cake or cut some flowers or similar it is churlish not to accept it with grace.

      • [Deactivated] on 17/09/2015 - 13:51
        +1

        Yes it depends on the reward.
        Flowers are sooo cute for a reward. I would love to get that.

        One guy asked for a date as a reward when he returned something of mine. Creep.

  • [Deactivated] on 16/09/2015 - 19:52
    +1

    Agree with xfiledavid. If they offer, just take it and give to charity or if it's money, use it to buy food for the homeless you come across on the street.

  • spychiatrist on 16/09/2015 - 20:08
    -8

    If an item is really valuable (iphones), the least the owner can do is offer a token of gratitude considering the value of the item. Would I accept? I would, because I believe in that instance the owner is sincere and not forced to give.

    For an item that is worth less than $100 (androids), I will reject any token of gratitude, because the item is crap and not really worth the hassle for the owner should it be gone for good.

    On both scenarios, I will not feel bad if the owner simply said thanks.

    Haven't found a wallet yet but should I find one, I will give it to the police. Nothing worse than giving back the wallet personally, then the owner saying there's a thousand dollars in the wallet before - making you feel like a suspect.

    • mskeggs on 16/09/2015 - 21:07
      +1

      Surely with your beliefs about cell phones the reward should be given if the android finder smashes the phone, preventing the owner from the lingering suffering of a non-apple device?

      • spychiatrist on 16/09/2015 - 21:31
        +1

        The phones are only to demonstrate value, but I like your thinking.

      • DeafMutePretender on 17/09/2015 - 01:38
        +2

        Surely with your beliefs about cell phones the reward should be given if the android finder smashes the phone, preventing the owner from the lingering suffering of a non-apple device?

        You're probably saving the Apple owner money in the long run by smashing his iPhone.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 16/09/2015 - 23:05
      +1

      Haven't found a wallet yet but should I find one, I will give it to the police. Nothing worse than giving back the wallet personally, then the owner saying there's a thousand dollars in the wallet before - making you feel like a suspect.

      So that's why you'd hand it in to the Police — to save them the time of coming out to arrest you?

      o_0

    • DeafMutePretender on 17/09/2015 - 01:39

      If an item is really valuable (iphones), the least the owner can do is offer a token of gratitude considering the value of the item.

      Someone who is rich enough to buy iPhones is rich enough to offer decent rewards for having the lost iPhone returned.

      Either that or he's a sucker.

    • gimli on 17/09/2015 - 20:21
      +1

      lol apple fanboi's don't like ya

    • apey2000 on 18/09/2015 - 22:18

      Glass is always half-empty hey!?

  • spychiatrist on 16/09/2015 - 21:34
    -1

    Feel offended if the reward is less than what you expected - AKA "A fiver? Seriously?"

  • slow on 16/09/2015 - 22:04
    +5

    Last week I went a lot out of my way to help a stranger who was in a pickle. They tried to insist that I take some money from them, but I told them to do something nice for someone else out who need it in return, which they accepted.

    • Darron65 on 17/09/2015 - 09:06
      +1

      The pay it forward option. Nice.

  • Geewhizz on 17/09/2015 - 06:10
    +4

    When he was 10, my brother and a couple of his mates found someone's car that had obviously been stolen and dumped (or hidden). It apparently had a couple of $k worth of tools in the back, which was not insignificant in those days (said brother is now in his late 40s.) Dude turned up, thanked them and handed them $2 to split between them. lol.

  • HYX on 17/09/2015 - 09:45
    +1

    You've put quite a bit of thinking into this OP! Not sure if there's a custom but I think you should just do what you feel is right. Personally I'd kindly decline at first but if they really insisted I'd take it. I don't think it's a big deal either way :)

    So what did you do in the end?

    • supervigilante on 17/09/2015 - 10:46
      +3

      I was given a thank you card and a gift card (amount unknown). When I was given that, of course I thanked him because I couldn't refuse the thank you card.

      However, after he left, I found out it's a $150 gift card. I don't want to accept the gift card gracefully like I deserve it, because I did not expect any rewards at all. At the same time, the owner went out of their way to get a thank you card and a gift card, it would be rude to reject their effort.

      After asking around for advice, I ended up thanking the owner again, but said "you shouldn't have to", which majority of ozbargainers agree on. =)

      • ahly92 on 18/09/2015 - 19:22

        I'd also feel 'bad' receiving $150 as a gift. A thank you card is all i would want :)

  • goosegog on 17/09/2015 - 12:41
    +1

    I would never want to expect a reward for doing the right thing. The pleasure on the owners face to receive back their belongings is enough of a reward for me/us. They go from despondency to great joy - as most of us would never expect to see the items again. Always do the right thing - you never know when it might happen to you.

    • supervigilante on 17/09/2015 - 15:28

      Yeah I agree with you about not expecting any rewards. But my question is what to do when I was given a reward, and not sure if rejecting the reward is being rude or not.

  • bobbified on 17/09/2015 - 16:20
    +5

    I found a wallet on the way home from work last year, complete with cards and cash. I tried to quickly look up a phone number in the afternoon so that the owner wouldn't panic, but couldn't find one. I jumped on my bike straight after work that day and went out for a ride over 20km.

    The guy was pretty shocked and really appreciative he insisted I take all the cash in his wallet because he was more concerned about the cards and the trouble of getting new ones.. but I told him that if I really wanted the cash, I could've just not returned the wallet..

    It was enough for me to know that he appreciated the effort and it hopefully he'll one day do the same thing for someone else.

    • bargainslut on 17/09/2015 - 22:50
      +2

      Good on you! This is my favourite thread on ozbargains!

  • Topdog on 17/09/2015 - 16:21

    Stuff them. No reward I'll sell it myself

  • brickwall on 17/09/2015 - 16:30
    +1

    If I ever found wallet, mobile phone or whatever I'll just give it to police station. I don't give a sh*t about getting rewards.
    I have really bad experience with finding lost stuff (mobile phone). Called the owner, told him I'll bring the phone to police station and he can pick it up from there. He said no need he'll pick it up and he said he'll give me $10 reward. Since he offered meeting place nearby my place I said ok. Not that I expect to really be given the rewards anyway. A guy that looks like a bogan with his bogan daughter appeared, took the mobile phone, not saying thanks or anything and just drove off.
    The only thing that really pissed me off was not the reward but the fact that $#%^ bogan didn't even say thanks.
    But as for the voting I would just reject it. I believe what goes around comes around anyway.

    • teardrops21 on 17/09/2015 - 20:35
      +1

      I'm guessing he probably had an outstanding arrest warrant, hence wanting to avoid the cop shop.

      • brickwall on 17/09/2015 - 23:15
        +1

        Yeah I think so too. Oh well… Now I've learnt my lesson. Don't deal with people who lost their stuff. Just let the police handle the matter.

  • altomic on 17/09/2015 - 20:18
    +3

    I once found a wallet with $850 in it at Richmond station. took the train home and drove to the address on the drivers license. the owner opened the door and had been crying. I handed her the wallet and she was so grateful as it was her rent money for the month. she offered me a beer but karma is reward.

    • Ahan on 17/09/2015 - 22:08
      +2

      Cool story!

  • bargainslut on 17/09/2015 - 22:41
    +1

    I reckon giving the reward to charity would be nice (If you like). I think it's really nice you have started this thread:)

    • supervigilante on 18/09/2015 - 12:34

      Thanks. When I first came to Australia, I was amazed at how likely it is to recover your lost item. I have lost multiple stuff and most of them are returned to me (either the finder left it at the shop counter, or the item has my details, or it was left at the same spot 1 hours later).

      I have myself found many items and happily returned them without any rewards, but this time I am given a huge reward, thus the dilemma.

      It's nice to see so many honest people who truly understand the sentimental value of the lost item. =)

  • [Deactivated] on 17/09/2015 - 23:01
    +1

    The person is expressing their gratitude. Say that you didn't return it expecting any reward, but thank you anyway - that's very thoughtful of you.

    I once paid for something very small, to repair something used by an entire group of people. I had read a saying often in books as kid (mainly comics), that went something this: "Please don't insult me by trying to repay me." (Or something like that, along with a tongue-in-cheek kind of tone/expression.) They took it entirely the wrong way to what I meant, saying, "I wasn't trying to insult you!"

    But I often say things the wrong way. That's why I think it's best to just allow people to give what they think is right. They have already thought about it - that's it's what they wanted to do - or they wouldn've have offered it in the first place.

    However maybe if I thought of it quickly enough, I would have then said something like, "Tell you what, let's go for a tea or coffee - my shout!" :-)

  • m00c0w on 18/09/2015 - 07:24
    +1

    I've found wallets and purses more often than I care to remember, I've always handed them into the police station and it's surprising to see their faces when they realise the wallets are still full of cash/cards.I guess people usually take it upon themselves to get some reward prior to handing in the items.

    My personal view is that the items could belong to someone that can't afford to lose anything and they're distressed enough as it is, so why add to that? Also, it does make me smile when I get surprise thank cards, not sure why the police give out my address though.

  • centrelink on 18/09/2015 - 13:27

    I found it funny when Chinese people argued that they had to pay for the other persons meal, but after a while it gets annoying. "Someone just pay for it or I will!"

  • BanannaMan on 18/09/2015 - 14:20

    I once tracked someone down through their sim #, called up vodafone - they handed over another Mobile linked to the account
    Called them up, handed back the mobile & they tried to give me $10.. i laughed and said dont worry about it all good

    Then as they left I said, btw Vodafone security sucks, thats how i go your number

  • kolorijo on 18/09/2015 - 15:05

    I will just take it and say thanks. Simple.

  • bargainjargon on 18/09/2015 - 16:05
    +1

    I'd ask several times if they're okay with it and see if there's a chance they'd take it back. But it's them showing their gratitude so I'm not gonna just reject it without asking them if they're sure they wanna give it to me. If they take back then reward then cool. If they really insist then sure, give me the reward.

    A couple of months back, I found a stray cat and brought it to the vet. They scanned for a chip and there was a chip. They contacted the owner and when she came to pick up the cat, she offered to give me a couple hundred. It felt weird taking money for something that I'd do no matter what and I actually had a fun time with this cat while it was with me so I said "no thanks" but in a nice way and told her it was reward enough to know that the nice cat is going back home. She asked if I'm sure and I said yes, I'm sure. And that was that.

  • tyb1987 on 18/09/2015 - 16:19

    I have lost my bicycle in Australia for twice.
    Not that I did not secure them, but they just cut the lock off and grabbed the bicycle.
    It happened once at train station and once in the Uni. :(
    I have report to the police and ended I found out that the security camera at train station was a dummy CCTV which don't help at all.

  • VOHAUL on 18/09/2015 - 17:40

    what did you really expect a forum full of skinflints to say?

  • Magnate on 19/09/2015 - 01:38
    +2

    A mate and I once found a bunch of $50 notes near Auburn station in Melbourne. There were some receipts with it, and one was from a bowls club. Long story short we managed to track the guy down from the receipt and give him his fortnightly pension back.

    He bought us a couple of scratchies (which didn't win anything).

  • User_153999 on 21/09/2015 - 15:15

    I would not expect anything in return. But, i would accept anything except money as i don't fell ok accepting money for returning something.

  • outlander on 21/09/2015 - 16:55

    While I used to take the view of most of you in refusing rewards, now I try and force myself to never turn down money given freely. My reasoning is that either they can afford it or they can't. If they can afford it, then its their decision on how to spend it, and if they want to give it to me then why not accept it.
    If they can't afford it, then they are foolish, offering more than they can spare in a vain attempt to play the generous benefactor, and if they don't waste the money on me they will find someone or something else to waste it on.

    Nevertheless, you should always try and its a really big deal and they're such a good person for doing it. If you do reject the reward, don't start the sentence with no. Instead, try saying something like "Oh, thank you! I wasn't expecting a reward. Thats very generous of you. You're a very special person to do this. However, I don't need the x. Knowing x has been returned to its rightful owner is good enough for me. Just try and do the same favor for the next person if you ever get the chance."
    People generally just want to feel like they fit in, and aren't inferior. When something is offered, and you reject it out of hand, it can come across as you looking down on them. Like a begger on the street who offers you half his sandwhich, even if you were famished you'd never take it, because you consider yourself to be in a higher class, and you don't want to admit to this man, who only has a sandwich but is willing to give you half, how little it means to you.

    Honestly I find the whole song and dance to be so emotionally draining, its hardly worth it. Better just to go to their house, knock and when they opened, throw the thing at them and exclaim "your welcome!" as you storm off. They'll think your a freak, but so what. Job done.

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