Best way to pay for things as a couple ? Joint accounts ect?

Sestrooper on 22/01/2017 - 15:59
Last edited 24/01/2017 - 18:00

**not married, young professionals who are taking the next step of our relationship and moving in together **

Just moved in with the missus! Just wanting to see how people in similar situations are managing funds. We're trying to work out how to pay for things roughly 50% each (like groceries, things for the house ect).

Now the simple option, which my partner is wanting to do is to just open a Joint account and pay everything with that eftpos card that we use. However I have always paid with my credit cards (amex and visa) to maximize points/savings, so naturally I dont want to miss out on this!

What I have thought of so far…

  1. For woolworths shopping: Buy bulk amount of woolworths giftcards through cash rewards with one of our amex cards to get points and save some $$, and divide this by 50% (simple bank transfer to pay for this)
    2 For non woolies stuff: Use my amex and have her as a supplementary holder to still get points and go through the statements (she doesn't have her own amex yet).
    3.For places that don't accept amex, use our own visa cards to pay for this and again keep a trace of the payments and divide by 50%. (unless there is another joint visa credit card to use?).

She has suggested using an app like splitwise to make it easier to work out payments which would be using our own cards and paying each other at the end of the month.

Any thoughts? Not sure there is any easier way to do this other than one person having to transfer the other to pay off an account if we dont just purely use a savings account.

Cheers!

Edit
- we are not at the point of putting our funds together into one account. This would be a couple years down the line. For now just wanting to roughly contribute equally to living expenses.
-both on similar incomes so no issues there.

Financial

Comments

    • empty456 on 23/01/2017 - 14:56

      Uhhh. didn't he say missus?

      Agree that moving in together means something entirely different.

      • elliebargain on 23/01/2017 - 15:24
        +3

        I took missus to mean girlfriend - Some of the guys at my work refer to their girlfriends or wives as their missus.

        Surely they're not already married and only now discussing finances and moving in now? If that's the case I have absolutely zero life experience or helpful advice in that area :P

  • Euphemistic on 23/01/2017 - 11:00
    +3

    My in-laws had a great arrangement. He earned most of the money and provided her with an allowance. She always thought they needed to be very frugal as there wasn't much money. Upon retirement, it quickly worked out they really were quite wealthy as he had done a lot of investment that she did not know about saving all the moeny he had not given as an allowance.

    • tunzafun001 on 23/01/2017 - 12:07
      +4

      I know of the same scenario. They are now divorced. She thought she was getting ripped off with the "allowance" (but has now discovered the real world is actually quite expensive once you are paying for everything on your own). Basically left a nice house etc, can now only afford a 1 bed flat, with ultimately no 'allowance' she had before.

      Although his intentions were good (following the same investment strategy as above), he is now ultimately lonely and maybe still ignorant to the fact that giving an 'allowance' is quite possibly controlling.

      Probably some wisdom here if you both have a 'budget allocation' each, rather than an 'allowance'.

      So many variables I see here are:

      1. Were you brought up the same financially?
      2. Have you been burnt in prior relationships?
      3. Do you both have similar assets coming into the relationship?
      4. Are you both equal with financial wisdom?
      5. Are there more people involved (ie kids etc)?
      6. Do you both earn approx the same?
      7. Do you have shared hobbies (especially if they are expensive)?
      8. Do you have expensive medical costs? (hey, who pays for the pill!)

      In summary, probably not a one arrangement suits all here. I'm still working out how to make this work myself, since we both come from very different backgrounds, different earnings, different assets and value spending differently. She values high end food and clothing. I use the shake and win app, but like my water sport toys.

      I guess in the end.. Are you both better off at the end of the day (financially and emotionally), regardless of how you share your finances?

      • KLoNe on 23/01/2017 - 17:56

        If he's lonely why doesn't he go meet someone?

  • dtc on 23/01/2017 - 11:31
    +1

    I agree that 50/50 for a year or two is worthwhile but you should be aiming to just have joint pooled accounts at some time

    50/50 sounds like it stops financial arguments eg I dont pay for your cigarettes. But what happens when you want a big asset like a car or a TV - does one person buy it or do you split it? But what if one person usually drives the car to work and the other one catches the bus? Sure you can work around it, but if one person buys it then that person feels upset at the other person getting the benefits of the car but no financial detriment; if you both buy it but one person generally uses it then the other person feels upset.

    Sooner or later splitting things 50/50 creates its own stresses.

    Pooling can also creates issues until you trust the other person to do the right thing. But once that trust exists you should pool, and if that trust doesnt exist after a few years then I hate to say it but the relationship is highly unlikely to work long term.

    I earn 4X as much as my partner and thats just the way it is. We own everything jointly, have joint accounts (well, other than for tax reasons) and all the rest.

  • Trying2SaveABuck on 23/01/2017 - 11:53
    +2

    Been living with my girlfriend for 4 months she pays via credit card for all joint transactions at the end of the month we split the cost of the statement.
    Once we get married tho everything will be joint

  • Cheeper on 23/01/2017 - 12:23
    +9

    Married = one bucket of money. You both put in what you get and you both take out what you need.
    Different if you are just living together as friends but as marrieds it is all in.

  • OG Puppy Banana on 23/01/2017 - 12:41
    +1

    Each week I contribute $700 to a shared account, she contributes $500 (I earn more). This $1200 is our weekly shared expenses account and what is left over 30-40% is moved directly to savings. We have rules on what are shared expenses and we follow them pretty easily.

    We also have our own personal accounts which lets her buy expensive brunches and CBD parking and me my hobbies, memberships and OzB impulses. I don't complain and neither does she.

    We also have a shared credit card account that we both use individually to maximise the points. Our shared account pays this off at the end of the month. To get more points, we also use the CC on personal spends, then contribute that back into the shared account to the books balance. Not a huge overhead. We also have A LOT of trust and shared goals.

    Pretty simple set up.

  • Duram on 23/01/2017 - 13:32
    +1

    I believe the best way is to stop thinking about this as 50/50 and counting each cent and dime to make sure your both contributing. View your combined income as one income, save, spend, invest and have fun with that combined income. Really irks me when I hear people say 'gotta pay back the partner 50 buck'. Most relationships breakdown because of finances, you need to get them sorted and in order to a point where you both feel comfortable and happy.

  • tsunamisurfer on 23/01/2017 - 13:40

    I did it in a simple manner :

    • Both parties keep their seperate account.
    • All regular bills / payments were listed and agreement on who was responsible for which was reached.
    • Both parties pay their agreed items plus take care of their own expenses.
    • Things outside of that like groceries, I paid being the higher income earner.

    Advantages :
    - My money is mine. She cannot touch it.

    • bobbified on 23/01/2017 - 13:46
      +1
      • My money is mine. She cannot touch it.

      you mean, you think the money is yours! haha

    • dtc on 23/01/2017 - 15:04
      +1

      sounds like a great arrangement - 'this is mine and you cant touch it so dont even try; oh, yes I do trust and love you, but you arent getting anywhere near my money because that is more important'

      • tsunamisurfer on 23/01/2017 - 16:21

        In a perfect world, we should not have to worry about such things.

        As a man with greater earnings and assets, it is incumbent on me to protect my assets from any future incidents.

        I have seen too many men get burned by the Family Court to let half hard earned my assets go just because we lived together.

        • steeevo on 24/01/2017 - 08:14
          +2

          You do understand that if you were to end up in family court they don't actually care who's name the bank account is in, right?

      • KLoNe on 23/01/2017 - 17:58
        +1

        He earnt the money, why should she get any just because they trust each other?

        I trust a lot of my mates, doen't mean they give me 50% of their pay.

  • syousef on 23/01/2017 - 13:48

    Most credit cards let you have a second card holder. Many with no extra yearly charge. If you're just trying to give someone access to your money it's the quickest way. So long as you trust them of course. And yes pay it off in full each month.

  • Plug on 23/01/2017 - 13:59

    My wife and I had separate accounts for years. Bills etc came out of one, day to day running costs out of the other. Worked out well enough.

  • ozbjunkie on 23/01/2017 - 15:05

    Interesting to see all the different approaches here.

    One reason to keep finances at least distinguishable if not separate, which didn't seem explicitly stated, is that sometikes one partner is bad with moneyi have seen many relationships like this, in particular, one married man I know who manages to spend his hefty income and would squander his wife's too if she let him.

    Sometimes those gender roles are reversed.

    If you are a saver, and your partner is always getting themselves into excessive debt, then aside from the obvious which is changing or replacing your partner, what should you do?

  • trapper on 23/01/2017 - 16:21
    +3

    Until you're married 50/50 is the way to go.

    Just open a joint bank account with joint credit card that pays off automatically each month from the account. Now any 'joint' expenses go on the CC and you're sorted, both transfer into the bank account each month to cover half the CC closing balance.

    After marriage each keep some amount aside for guilt-free personal spending freedom (a few hundred a week) and the rest goes into shared saving/offset/mortgage/etc

  • miicah on 23/01/2017 - 16:44

    When we first moved in together, we still had separate accounts. Everything was split 50/50 (just kept receipts and tallied at the end of the fortnight) and we had one credit card. Soon after we moved to a joint account, but both of us kept an eye on what we were spending.

    Now we have one offset where all our money goes and we each get pocket money every pay. Works fine so far.

  • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2017 - 17:15

    Get a credit card with a supplementary card
    Get a joint bank account

    Or don't count things tit for that
    That seems pretty unattractive in a partner for me

  • Hellfire on 23/01/2017 - 18:40

    My personal favorite for starting out is getting a Credit Card (plus Supplementary Card) and put all your shared expenses on there. Then just halve the bill. Some expenses may need to be paid separately eg rent but you can easily just set-up an automatic payment for half rent each.

    Over time you may want to move to more common finances but good way to start.

  • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2017 - 18:53
    +1

    My missus tells me my spending flaws and I tell her hers in a constructive and civil way and this way we both spend better using just one joint account. Since then we closed all other accounts and it is so much easier to manage. Anyway we spend for and on each other more

  • AlanHB on 23/01/2017 - 18:58

    This may sound harsh, but I've got a well paying job, and a bit of savings. She makes half what I do, and has a long standing debt on that.

    We go 50/50 on food, rent and bills, but I see zero advantage at this time to get a joint bank account. No thanks, I'll be right.

    Been together 8 years, living together for 7.

    • bobbified on 23/01/2017 - 22:43
      +8

      Wow - I wonder what kind of relationship you have. If I've been in a relationship for that long (or even half or a quarter of that length!) and I was in your situation, I would've helped my girlfriend pay off that longstanding debt many years ago.

      I'd do it just for the simple fact that I know it would take a lot of weight off her shoulders, stress less and be happier. I think you'd see a huge boost in energy too.

      It doesn't even have to be a whole lump sum payment in one go - it could just be something like "I'll match your payment each month" to help her out - Something to show that you're there to support here.

      • AlanHB on 24/01/2017 - 06:05

        I understand where you're coming from. There was a period of two years there where she had problems holding down a job, I covered 100% of the bills/rent/food for that time.

        That period ended about a year ago. Right now I'm just really enjoying having all of my own money back, not really tempted to give it away again.

      • tsunamisurfer on 24/01/2017 - 11:29

        Its all very easy to say I'd helped…I'd paid it. You need to temper these sentiments by first looking at the situation.

        If for example the debt was incurred from an unfortunate event like medical expenses resulting from an event not her fault, then yes, providing assistance would be a prudent thing to do.

        However, if the individual is a habitual spender leaving nothing left at the end of a pay cycle, then paying off the debt simply enables that attitude on money.

        • AlanHB on 24/01/2017 - 13:12

          Yeah from my understanding the initial debt was a personal loan for a car about 10 years ago.

          I do tend to get a fair bit of criticism for not assuming the obligation to pay off my partner's debt simply for being her partner. I can only assume that those laying on criticism haven't gone through the experience before.

        • bobbified on 24/01/2017 - 13:23
          +3

          However, if the individual is a habitual spender leaving nothing left at the end of a pay cycle, then paying off the debt simply enables that attitude on money.

          I think if this is a part of someone that you can't accept, then maybe a long term relationship isn't the way to go.

          AlanHB has mentioned that this is a long-standing debt because she had problems holding down a job for 2 years.

          Over a period of living together for 7 years, I would've expected that something would've been done to this debt.

          I obviously don't know anything else about their relationship and I'm sure there's more to it, but from the impression I get at the moment, it seems to be "you worry about your sh|t and I'll worry about mine" and "don't touch my money!" type thing - that to me isn't a what I would call a "real loving and caring relationship".

          For the record, I'm the type that'd much rather starve myself than let my partner, or anyone that's close to me, starve.

        • AlanHB on 25/01/2017 - 06:19
          +1

          @bobbified: She has had the debt from before I met her.

          There was a separate period of two years when we were together where she didn't have a job and I paid for her rent, food and bills.

          As I said, people tend to get all judgy when I say I don't want to pay her pre-existing debt, ignoring the fact I put around $15k towards supporting her when she had job issues.

          Otherwise we have a great relationship, it wouldn't have lasted this long if it wasn't good. I accept that she has a debt - I'm just not going to pay it.

          Do you pay for all your girlfriends expenses?

        • bobbified on 26/01/2017 - 15:35

          @AlanHB:

          It's a bit surprising for me more than anything else, I guess. But I probably have a completely different mindset when it comes to relationships - not to say that I'm right or anything.

          Do you pay for all your girlfriends expenses?

          I don't pay for all my girlfriend's expenses. My income is about 5 times her's - and that isn't because I'm some kind of hero. It comes from a combination of me having a higher than average salary and hers is lower than average. I knew that when I got with her and I decided that I was able to accept it.

          So for everything we do together, I pay for it. And I'm more than happy to do that. It's not that she doesn't want to pay - it's because I want her to save her own money so that she can still go out with her friends and buy the little things that she wants to buy without feeling like she has to rely on me. We often go out for dinner and I do realise that the dinners I go to with my friends are generally considered expensive. In that case, I never let her pay. Whenever I get the feeling she's about to insist on paying for the next dinner (which she does often), I'll tell her that I feel like something that is much cheaper and we'll go there. That gives her a chance to pay but at the same time, it won't empty her purse.

          Having said that, she generally does spend within her means - I just like to help her out where I can because I'm of the thought that money comes and goes so it's the last thing I want her to stress about.

          When it comes to buying presents, I'm happy to splash out on expensive things if I think it'll make her happy. But when it's her turn to buy me presents, I tell her I want something simple that's got thought behind it so that she doesn't think that she has to go buy something comparable with what I gave her.

          If things between us eventually don't work out or whatever, I won't be regretting it. It's what I see as part of making that committment at the start.

          Different things work for different couples, I guess. I really hate hearing arguments over money amongst family and friends etc. So I do everything I can to avoid it.

        • AlanHB on 26/01/2017 - 23:23

          @bobbified: I feel you. I'm pretty much the same, happy to cover her expenses every now and then. I pay more than her share of rent because I can afford to.

          Presents, yep I spash out on her when I know it's something she likes and it's at a good price (OzBargainer).

          Really the only thing I don't want to pay off is the pre-existing debt. I think it's reasonable.

        • poppit88 on 27/01/2017 - 01:14

          @AlanHB:

          I understand exactly where you are coming from. Why are you responsible for paying someones debt off?! And how do you have a loan 10 years later for a car?!!!! What was it? The latest model Mercedes for $100k plus.

          Signed been there and done that.

          Outcome: My life mantra now, "Do not try and save people."

        • AlanHB on 27/01/2017 - 01:20

          @poppit88: Thanks for the supportive words dude. :)

          Really the debt hasn't been a source of tension between us. That period of 2 years where I 100% supported her though, yeah, that was rough.

        • poppit88 on 27/01/2017 - 01:29
          +1

          @AlanHB:

          Frankly, you deserve a medal!

        • bobbified on 27/01/2017 - 08:51
          +1

          @AlanHB:

          I pay more than her share of rent because I can afford to.

          So you are helping her out financially in other ways - it's just not directly into the loan.

          For a while there, I thought you were just a cold, hard bastard! (But I was wrong!) haha!

        • AlanHB on 27/01/2017 - 15:47
          +1

          @bobbified: Yeah my initial post didn't frame me as a nice guy - was having a rough day at work so was expressed about bluntly.

        • AlanHB on 27/01/2017 - 15:49

          @poppit88: Thanks buddy, was very relieved when it ended.

    • iSamurai on 23/01/2017 - 23:22

      Just curious to know, did you know her financial position or how she got into debt before getting together?

      And as bobbified mentioned above, would you have helped paid off her debt earlier (if it wasn't a huge amount) or was it because she's likely to get into debt again?

      • AlanHB on 24/01/2017 - 06:26

        Nah - you tend to learn about your partner's financial position after you get with them. Still, it was 8 years ago - who would have thought it would still be around now?

        I'm not very attracted to paying off her debt because it's her debt.

    • RobVH on 25/01/2017 - 16:06

      I had similar situation, except helped the Ex pay off a centerlink debt from uni that I didn't know about. Had to do this before we could get a home loan, so this came out of the savings I had saved for a house deposit prior to our relationship. Years down the track after we separated, I felt jibbed that everything went 50/50. I doubt there is a one size fits all for any circumstance but as a poster said below, if it was for a life event like medical bills you would feel happy to help out.

      • AlanHB on 26/01/2017 - 23:20

        Of course - I'm happy to support my gf, just not pay off her pre-existing debt.

        So basically you're a braver man than me, I'm sorry it didn't turn out well for you.

  • Bonsaichop on 23/01/2017 - 19:02
    +2

    I'm the "Sugar Daddy" (even though i'm only 25 days older) and she's my "Princess". I pay all the bills, groceries, fuel, most of the insurances and the mortgage on the house we live in. I also buy gifts for her whenever she wants to spend something that has a reasonable expense to it. What she earns goes to paying off an investment property. Works out pretty well. Been together 9 years living together about the same amount of time. We each have our own credit cards we take care of ourselves.

    I don't think things in relationships should be divided equally down the middle, some things you have the advantage over, other things they do.

    • AlanHB on 23/01/2017 - 20:16
      +1

      Just out of interest, do you get over paying for all her stuff when she doesn't contribute to yours? Or do you have some sort of agreement with her investment property?

      • xuqi on 23/01/2017 - 22:49
        +2

        You missed the point champ.. Google 'Sugar Daddy' :)

        • Bonsaichop on 23/01/2017 - 22:58

          Yeah it's meant to be a light hearted joke between us. We're a little/very strange I must admit though.

      • Bonsaichop on 23/01/2017 - 22:56
        +2

        Not at all. In fact it's really hard to get her to spend anything at all. I bought her an LV wallet 9 years ago, she still uses the same one. The last handbag I bought her was maybe 5 years ago and I keep offering to buy her another one but she doesn't want any and just uses the same one. I do get her a new iPhone whenever the new one comes out, then I use her old one and I sell whatever I have. That didn't work out so well this year, I ended up with a rose gold 6S plus but that's alright, just use a case.

        When it comes to small things (make up, personals that aren't part of the grocery shop) she'll buy it herself. I also contribute a small amount to the investment property also but it's not much.

        Mind you, we don't earn a great amount, probably average middle class wages i'm self employed and run my own small business. We don't spend much either or indulge. But I do believe that when she wants something which is very rare that she does, that she does get spoiled :)

    • DisneyPrincess on 23/01/2017 - 22:37
      +1

      Also just out of interest, what percentage does she earn compared to you (eg: her income is 60% yours if you earnt $100k and she earns $60k). Are there children/childcare in this equation?

      I applause your generous & trusting attitude, but I can understand people's skepticism. There's really no disagreements, arguments or resentment from this arrangement?

      Saw this great meme saying "my girlfriend wanted to be treated like a princess, so I sold her off to royalty to improve relations with France"

      • Bonsaichop on 23/01/2017 - 23:02
        +3

        I'd say she earns about 2/3 of what I do. But I run a small business, so every last cent that isn't on her/life essentials/mortgage goes back in the business.

        There are no children, however we have been full time carers for my parents for several years now. I had to quit my job to care for them and that's how my business started because I could work from home and look after them at the same time. She supports me 100% and she's also gone back to Uni while working part time. We're busy bees!

        We have never had an argument over money. I like to see it as a symbiotic relationship, we understand each other's needs and our burdens and help each other as much as possible.

        Haha nice meme, i'll have to remember that one!

    • [Deactivated] on 24/01/2017 - 01:27

      lol upvoted by user 'DisneyPrincess'

      So cute!

  • Odin on 23/01/2017 - 19:05
    -1

    I just keep it simple:

    • we both have our own accounts, and we split shit 50/50

    It's pretty (profanity) simple. Personally I think joint accounts are archaic / idiotic.

  • Mr Frodo on 23/01/2017 - 22:13

    Ha! I'll also share what we do…

    Have an AMEX account which we both use jointly (two cards of course). We have a spare ING joint savings account where roughly $150each a week goes in for groceries etc plus some more if we both impulse-buy anything.. for example the recent purchase - a $2,600 coffee machine (don't down-vote me for this, the machine was worth $3,600). This sort of expenditure is of course shared 50/50. When it's time for the credit card payment, we pay for it from the savings account.

    I know what you're thinking - the accounts won't always reconcile. Yes, we found that CC bill was always higher than what we had in our joint savings. Little coffees, treats here and there added up… Well, so we worked out a solution for that.. We were a little worried about our swearing habit. Almost every second sentence had some sort of profanity (not directed as each other, just in general). We're planning on having a baby in a next year or so, so we had to get rid of this habit. So every time one of us swears, that's $5 in the swear jar (joint savings). Reconciliation problem solved.

    Benefits?
    As a true OZB'r, of course the $150x2 a week would be accumulating interest until the CC payment time. AMEX points will still be earned. Accounts add up, well mostly. And we both still get to keep the control of our own money, not that there is any trust issue or anything. We still have our own savings accounts.

    Fortunately don't have mortgage yet, so haven't had to worry about offset accounts.

  • skywards on 23/01/2017 - 22:23

    Been married for 8 years, we only started a joint account/offset account when we bought a house 7 years ago. It works for us. You just need to find a system that'll work for you.

  • Shopaholicdesi on 23/01/2017 - 23:24

    Try SPLITWISE, the best application for sharing bills

  • ozbargaingal on 23/01/2017 - 23:42
    +7

    Yes, I thought long and hard about this one at the start of my relationship. My boyfriend had 30k of credit card debt (claimed most of it was spent on building his career) and I had about 20k in savings. It was difficult at the time because I knew he was terrible with money and I wanted to protect my future. I guess some maturing happened, I realised I wanted to spent the rest of my life with him, so I 'loaned' him my money. Fast-forward 10 years and we have a beautiful son, a beautiful house, a huge mortgage. The loan is long forgotten and we don't fight over money because there's none left to fight over!! Personally, I think you have to ask yourself how committed you are to the other person. We share mortgage, offsets and CC but have seperate savings accounts for our fun money. Also I do the fortnight budgeting and he organises our long-term investments like super etc.

    In any case, it's never easy or straight-forward 😆 good luck!

  • realfancyman on 24/01/2017 - 00:50

    Get two new accounts. A new amex and new visa/MasterCard. Make these joint accounts so you both have a card. Then but all your joint expenses on these cards. When the bill comes, split it 50/50. Easy :)

    • bobbified on 24/01/2017 - 13:58
      -2

      What makes you think you deserve to have everything handed to you on a plate?

      You're probably the type of girl who also demands a maid because "it's the 21st century and women don't stay at home to cook, wash and clean!"

      I'm a dude and although my aim is to be able to support my wife and family myself if it came down to it, I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT get with any girl who has that expectation!

      • Terra Australis on 24/01/2017 - 16:44
        -3

        Check this mate, I'm a guy!

        Girls shouldn't work so that they can work in the home, where they belong. Women stay home and cook, clean and wash while the men work jobs to sustain the wife and kids.

        • BensonP on 24/01/2017 - 16:59
          +3

          I know you are entitled to an opinion, but I think you're a sexist pig and you're opinion sickens me.

          'Duties as a man'? You're duty is to respect your partner as a person not a child birthing house slave tending to your needs as required.

          I'm a 25 year old male who works full time.
          I'm also the one in the house who does the vacuuming, washes and folds clothes and make the bed.

          You need to pull your head out.

        • bobbified on 24/01/2017 - 17:38
          +2

          I actually hope you're trolling.

          Because if you're not, some girl's gonna slap ya into the 21st Century!

        • Terra Australis on 24/01/2017 - 19:34
          -1

          @bobbified: Well it's not gonna be my wife, she's been cooking, washing, cleaning and caring for my sons and I SINCE the 21st century.

          @BensonP: Do you get pegged by your wife as well "Mr. Screw Social Norms?"

        • ZippyRoo on 24/01/2017 - 19:37
          +3

          I totally respect your opinion but I have to say that the greatest thing about being a woman in the 21st century is that we have choices now. Sure the society still has a long way to go and lots to learn towards gender equality, but I am so grateful that I can make my own choices without being viewed as selfish or self-centred. In fact, I feel empowered to be back at work after having children and my husband, my own and extended families have been nothing but supportive. There was never an expectation nor any obligations in my family that I must fulfil any types of womanly duties, such as sending kids to school, picking them up, cooking, washing etc, we share all of the chores in the household. As a mother working full time, I do get busy sometimes and lose my sh!t, but you know what, it's OK. Just don't swear in front of your children, that's all I'm sayin'. My husband understands it, he supports me going on interstate work trips and has a great time with the kids. I love the mental challenges I get from work, being able to stay in touch with society and learning new things. No, I don't work in some sort of exec position, my husband earns more than me, and I am proud to be this strong and independent woman behind him, supporting him to achieve his career goals.

        • Terra Australis on 24/01/2017 - 19:43

          @jerrizhao: Ask yourself if you've made the choices you have because you feel they make you happy or because society told you it would make you a strong, independent woman?

          It is my belief that women are happier satisfying the role that evolution adapted them to. Nobody has to respect this opinion.

        • ZippyRoo on 24/01/2017 - 19:51
          +1

          @Terra Australis: You're completely entitled to your opinions, mate. I made the choices to work, and I am only able to make that choice because society has "evolved" now to support women entering and returning to the workforce, so for this I am very thankful and happy.

    • poppit88 on 27/01/2017 - 01:26

      @Terra Australis

      You can't understand the mindset of people today expecting women to work?

      See my earlier post. The female species has demanded equality. We've supposedly got equality.

      In other words - get your rear out that front door and work like a trooper.

      We can't have it both ways.

      Your statement sounds like some land of Utopia in a far away place. It sounds kind of cool for 5 minutes. Then it slowly dawns on me that the man doing all this providing then controls everything, and probably wants to control every aspect of my life.

      Nah… I'll take my chances and keep going to work, thus maintaining my dignity and independence.

  • bl1027 on 24/01/2017 - 09:27
    +1

    I've lived with my boyfriend for 5 years and we work on the principle that what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.

    We're a team and have discussed in detail about our joint financial goals. This guides the way we spend money for eg, don't eat out much, don't buy useless crap simply because it 'looks nice', don't upgrade to the latest technology etc.

    Sure, we will each buy things occasionally but it's not going to jeopardise our goals.

    I can't imagine keeping track of what the other person spends and having to seek permission for purchases. Urgh!

    • biozet on 25/01/2017 - 11:04

      you should have a secret stash.

  • scissorspaperrock on 24/01/2017 - 11:16
    +1

    I get paid.. Wife takes all, gives me pocket money, manages the bills

    Works well for us, we use our ammex / visa for all purchases for reward points

    • edgar28 on 24/01/2017 - 14:49

      same boat….. except when I bought some "rubbish" from Ozbargain…… I get the "what did you buy again?" question when I need to pay off the card

  • Findo on 24/01/2017 - 12:10

    My parents work off the principle of 'what's his is hers, and what's hers isn't his' when it comes to money. They have separate accounts except a joint offset account, but they know each other's pins and do withdraw money from each other's accounts. Dad's salary pays for everything. Mum's part time salary gets saved and dad's earnings get spent. Westpac altitude black card is in dad's name and mum is the supplementary card holder. It's worked out quite well for them, they've been married 29 years this year.

    When it comes to stocks it's even more confusing. Half of their combined holdings are in separate names and the other half are joint. What is worse is that none of their stocks are with a broker, they were all bought at float.

    I think my parents are a good example of how not to manage finances as a couple. They've been lucky each step of the way and have considerable wealth, but definitely none of it was planned.

  • Sestrooper on 24/01/2017 - 12:40
    +2

    Thanks to all the replies. To clarify, we have been together for 3 years and have decided to take the next step and move in with each other. We are not married. To give some perspective, We have only started our professional careers recently and working full time so for now we would like to keep most of our money earned seperate (as you can imagine after studying for 8 years it's certainly nice to get some money!) and roughly contribute equally to things we use in the house. (e.g roughly equal, not exactly 50% on the tee every time lol, we are not that anal with money). Only because we each have things we have always wanted to buy/pay off ect so a few years doing this suits us.

    I understand with most of the comments that splitting 50% down the line is over the top if you are married. To be honest we won't be that crazy anyway. I'm sure eventually that's what we will do once we take the next step/ have lived with each other for a while longer (we would have the mentality of what is mine is yours ect). But for now we are both voluntarily happy to keep things seperate (it's already a big step in itself moving in with each other and sharing things let alone completely combine our finances 😬)

    Thanks heaps all!

  • ashftc on 24/01/2017 - 12:40

    Dont be so calculative. Pay 100 first, win her trust, fetch couple of hundreds from her.

  • markb28 on 24/01/2017 - 12:43

    We have separate, offset and joint. We both put money in the joint, offset each month and keep enough cash in our own accounts to buy stuff for ourselves so we don't have to consult each other. Any excess cash from the joint each month goes to offset. Would go 100 offset with extra accounts but the banking facilities of our mortgage bank are pretty basic. Works well.

  • usbc activist on 24/01/2017 - 13:36
    -2

    This sounds so distrustful to me. You are in a marriage for gods sake. Not friends or room mates. There is no such thing as her money and my money. If a situation comes she should be ready to support you and vice versa. I don't even know what to call this relationship.

    • Sestrooper on 24/01/2017 - 17:52
      +1

      We're not married.

  • zqipz on 24/01/2017 - 14:03

    Separate Accounts + Joint Account which contains a 50/50 split paid on payday -> Mortgage, Insurance (Health/Home/Car/RACQ), Utilities (Rates/Water/Elec/Gas), Rego (Cars), Comm's (Phone/Internet). Savings/Leftovers on the Mortgage Account.
    All other joint incidentals like groceries are whoever buys, no management.

  • geoffs87 on 24/01/2017 - 14:53

    I have joint accounts with my best friend, who i own two properties with (and live with(, and i have joint accounts with my fiance, who i live with.

    Life is hard sometimes… lucky i love excel!

    for my mate and I, we have a joint account which offsets our PPOR, we deposit $x,000 a fortnight into the account when we get paid, and all interest, bills, house expenses are debited from that account.

    For my fiance and I, we have a joint account where we have 2 cards each to access. She banks with a different bank to I (as we both work for different banks). The only joint expense we have is the car (insurance, rego, petrol, tolls), oh - and our wedding fund :s. It's too tricky with all of this confusion to run credit cards… but what we do, is buy woolworths e-gift cards from the entertainment book (at 5% off) and save the numbers in our phones, so we rarely actually spend from the joint account, its pretty much just debits to pay the car, wedding and woolies cards.

    We havent started pooling our income and scrutinising each others transactions yet, but i do get the grumpy face when i buy something i probably don't need from ozbargain.

  • cauilfield on 24/01/2017 - 15:08

    What if you make $500k and she makes $50k ?

    still joint account :) ?

    • prinsenhof on 24/01/2017 - 17:27
      +1

      Combine the two payslips, divide by 2, then deposit in each account.

      Same rules apply.

      Also if ones unemployed.

      You dont want your wife to work the streets when your at work. Thats just rude.

    • Terra Australis on 24/01/2017 - 19:37

      Your wife has no need to work if you're the breadwinner like that.

      • outlander on 24/01/2017 - 20:23

        I think her new job becomes keeping you happy in that case ;)

  • Raihoo on 24/01/2017 - 15:29
    +1

    We just have both our salaries paid into a joint offset account with any direct debits and bills coming out of that. On pay day, we have a reoccurring transfer from the joint account to our individual accounts that is our 'pocket money'.

    We have a joint credit card that we use for anything that's for the both of us that is paid off from the joint account monthly.

    If we buy something with the credit card that is more of a pocket money kind of thing, as in, just for me, or just for her, we just transfer the amount from our pocket money account into the joint account so it will be covered off in the next monthly bill.

    We just use our discretion as to what comes from the joint account and what does not. Works well 99% of the time. The other 1% is actually us paying for things with our pocket money and the other finding out and insisting it be paid from the joint!

    Our pays aren't equal, but that doesn't bother us. If one of you is concerned about tipping more in than the other I guess you could just increase the 'pocket money' portion for that person to level it. Each to their own!

  • fred09 on 24/01/2017 - 15:54
    +7

    As someone now going through a painful breakup with a girlfriend after moving in together, my advice would be to just make sure both of your bases are covered in terms of what happens if it doesn't work out. When you're caught up in the thrill of moving in with potentially the love of your life, it's easy to overlook things like having both names on the lease, or some sort of tally on how you'll break up all the furniture when things go south.

    I see a lot of people bagging out a 50/50 tracker for spend, but if you're budgeting correctly (eg an app like YNAB) you should have most of this info anyway. In our case big ticket items (furniture, couch, fans, etc.) went into our budget tracker, which has made splitting it up much easier (although not painless) as we can back and sift through who bought what.

    These aren't things one normally likes to think about, but as I'm literally living through this scenario, I think it's worth keeping in mind. Breakups are hard enough without all of the financial logistics on top of it.

    Best of luck and sorry for a more sour post on this topic.

    • lainey13 on 24/01/2017 - 19:45

      More like reality check! You'll get through it.

  • Gorodemon on 24/01/2017 - 16:01
    +3

    Let me share my missus' mantra every time we're faced with money related issue :

    "Your money is my money and my money is still my money"

    *T & C: The above principle only applies to assets and excludes any debt incurred by me.

  • tassieeagle on 24/01/2017 - 17:43
    +4

    Man so much distrust of partners in this thread. If you can't trust your partner with money what else don't you trust them with? Why are you even together?

    Happily married for 14 years. 1 joint offset account, 1 joint credit card account (which gets paid off each month), that's it. Only one wage too but we trust each other not to go stupid with money and set a tight budget. Trust and understanding is the key.

  • MessyG on 24/01/2017 - 18:41
    +1

    Before we had a mortgage we had separate savings accounts and I was an additional on the Amex for the points. Each month I'd add up my discretionary stuff plus half the bills and shopping and pay that. Now that we have a mortgage and a child and I'm at work part time it's somewhat more complicated because both of our wages go into the offset account, and we have the credit card which gets the balance automatically paid each month out of the offset account for the benefit of the interest free situation if you do that. Now my discretionary spending is nonexistent but made up for in other ways (playing kid, buying toys, going to the park together etc) but we both still have our savings accounts which we can transfer from the offset account into if we need some cash.

    My husband and I were on equal wages prior to me going part time, and while I'd love to contribute equally, we tried both working full time and having our toddler in full time daycare and we stopped after 3 months because we missed her too much. So my husband now contributes more than me that I hope to rebalance in the future when I've finished my training. Both of our parents went through very acrimonious divorces so we are wary but not distrustful. It really depends on your and her expectations and what your perceived gender roles are and difference in pay. Whatever you do you need to have very upfront discussions about what your expectations are - pre marriage, pre mortgage, post marriage, and post kids. And not just about money but about roles too and what your expectations for the other would be. Find it all out now, but remember, people can change their minds later too.

  • GourmetFoodie on 24/01/2017 - 21:24
    +1

    I would strongly advise you keep all finances separate until you decide you want to get married. Otherwise makes splitting up way more complicated.

    The simplest way to divide things is to have one person pay the rent (not possible to run via Amex) and the other person to pay for all other joint expenses via Amex. Keep all receipts and at the end of the month you put them into a spreadsheet and work out who owes the other person more. Transfer amount and done. This worked well for my hubby and I before we married.

  • lostn on 24/01/2017 - 21:59
    +1

    If the purpose is splitting things 50%, a joint account (your money is my money) would only work if you both earn the same income, one would assume?

    But I'm not sure what will happen if one of you has more expensive personal expenses than the other. That would not be fair. Let's say you like iPads, and she likes simpler things. Your toys would cost more than hers, and effectively she would be paying half for something only you use. Likewise if she likes Louis Vuitton handbags. One of you could take advantage of the other if you split everything 50%.

    Paying for half would only be good for things you both need, like bills and insurance, groceries, etc. For personal purchases, you should keep a separate account to pay for.

    Maybe have 3 accounts, one each and one shared. And X percent of both of your incomes (or a fixed amount) get transferred each week into the joint account. Joint purchases are made on that account. This would be good if you both earn different levels of income.

    I've always kept separate accounts. I'll get dinner this time, you get the next one. Or I pay for dinner, you pay for the movies. It's not exactly 50%, but we're not sticklers for exact splitting.

    • dtc on 25/01/2017 - 14:31

      if you are a couple then you should trust each other not to 'take advantage of the other'.

      if you dont and yet you still want to be a couple - yes, have separate accounts.

      • lostn on 25/01/2017 - 19:40

        if you are a couple then you should trust each other not to 'take advantage of the other'.

        I did for my first one. I was 18. It was a big mistake.

        It doesn't even necessarily mean taking advantage of the other. It could just be that one of you is thrifty and the other isn't. They don't see buying a better quality product over Smart Buy as taking advantage. Same applies to iPad over Pendo pads, iPhone over a cheap China MTK phone. You wouldn't necessarily see anything wrong with having standards, and certainly not 'taking advantage' of someone, if this is just what you normally buy. But if the other person spends less, they are still getting a raw deal.

  • BartholemewH on 24/01/2017 - 23:48

    We keep separate transaction accounts that our wages go into. We were both transferring half of the mortgage payment into the account directly, though that changed when we had a baby and due to part time / salary disparity the entirety is now paid by me. I am responsible for most /all other bills with the exception of childcare and groceries, which she takes care of. We don't really consult each other about purchases with the exception of larger spends (thousands). Savings are basically all put against the mortgage.

    Doesn't seem to be typical with the split account set up but it has worked for us for 5+ years.

  • AMLagonda on 25/01/2017 - 01:00

    Been together for 25 years (Married for 12) and have always had a joint account and have never argued about money as I spent only what I have in my hand, never had a credit card till recently for online buying but don't really need that now because of Paypal.

  • biozet on 25/01/2017 - 11:02

    forget about it..it wont last

  • tallmantim on 25/01/2017 - 12:23
    +1

    I was married with children for 17 years and had joint accounts with only me working - worked well enough. Since divorced.

    Now with new partner and she is fiercely independent - so we pay 50/50 into a joint account for bills (same amount each fortnight) and 50/50 into a savings account for holidays. Otherwise we manage our own finances.

    I quite like it - particularly after being responsible for a family on my income, that I have full control of whether I want to save or spend.

  • knk on 25/01/2017 - 12:38

    Me and the soon to be wife have a joint account and joint credit card. Anything 50/50 goes onto the credit card and gets paid from the joint account. Mortgage gets paid from the joint account and we put extra in there to pay for CC / unexpected expenses.

  • [Deactivated] on 26/01/2017 - 07:29

    married 3 years here. We just have a joint account. (and joint investment account).

    We have a "secret" account each for purposes of buying surprise presents etc.

  • DialADeal on 26/01/2017 - 07:30

    I've been living with my gf for 3 years now and when we moved in we had the following arrangement.

    Signed up to a new joint credit card with a limit we both accepted eg 2k it's a joint card and not just an additional card holder so we are both liable for it. And it's ok if you don't bank at the same bank.

    Agreed to pay the card 50/50 accessed the bill together when issued.

    Continued to have our own credit cards for personal use and only used the joint card for stuff for the place and groceries etc.

    Rent is paid separately. If you need to pay together think of a joint savings/debit account and setup scheduled payments to it for rent.

    I reckon joint cc is the way to go. Easy to split the bill every month and your earning points on a purchases.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join