Bullying Manager - What to Do?

TLDR: Manager retaliating after I was asked to give him feedback on his performance as a manager. It was his manager that asked me to give him direct feedback. Retaliation causing hostile work environment and mental stress.

Manager - will call him “HM” for horrible manager
His Manager - will call him “big boss”
His peer using me to further his agenda - let’s call him “2IC”

HM is incompetent and a bully. Regularly rants at ppl in his team, has difficulty controlling his emotions and operating with any rationale or common sense. Ppl in our team have either left or looking for other roles. This guy lies about all sorts of things, even stuff that’s easy to check. He also regularly steals our work, passes it off as his own without giving any credit. In short, he’s the worst person I’ve ever worked with let alone report to.

A couple months ago, his peer, 2IC, randomly set up a meeting with me. I’ve never worked with him before but he started asking how I felt, what it’s been like working there. He told me he knows just what HM is like and that there are plans to fix the issue. Thinking he was being candid, I stupidly shared I didn’t like HM. An hour after this meeting with 2IC, I get a meeting request from the big boss (boss of 2IC and HM). 2IC told big boss I wanted to quit (I never said this). I had to sit through a meeting where I had to share my feedback on HM (2IC already told him what I said so there was no hiding). Basically 2IC was using me to try and get rid of HM as I later found out they hate each other. I work in another office location from HM, 2IC and big boss so was not aware of all these office politics.

After the big boss session, I was asked to share my feedback with my manager. So I did. And that was when the retaliation started. I got ranted at it my next 1:1 with HM about what I problem I am and how difficult I am to work with (never received any feedback from anyone else about this). He’s since created situations to make me look bad so he could publicly berate me. He’s calling other ppl I work with to dig up information about my work and then setting up meetings to try and catch me out. He’s leaving a paper trail of emails to make me look like I’m not performing. I escalated to big boss and was dismissed and told to work it out with HM. I’m left with no one else to escalate to except HR - who I am meeting this week. I’ve been told by my colleagues that HM is trying to build a case either to get rid of me or make me so frustrated that I’ll leave. I hate to give him the satisfaction of leaving just bc he’s making things difficult for me. I am looking for other roles and I don’t want to quit until I find something else. In the meantime, he’s making my life difficult. I’m constantly trying to protect myself from his next scheme. I get anxious and have a pit in my stomach every time I get an email or call from him. I have difficulty sleeping. I’ve started seeing a counsellor.

Not sure what to do. Just wanted to share and vent and see if other ppl have any advice.

Comments

  • Sue the company

    • Lol my response would make that possible 😂

  • +1

    Resign. No one needs that shit. People like that never change! Find somewhere that makes you happy and want to go to work. Sometimes it’s a shift in your life for a career change. Hope it goes well :)

  • +1

    Go to your doctor and explain the situation, tell him your having trouble sleeping, you have attacks of anxiety at the thought of entering the workplace.

    The doctor will give you stress leave, then you can ask that the doctor you and the big boss sit down and chat. The big boss will have to help you at this point and very likely you will be kept seperate from this manager.

    Use the system like hm is.

    • I went to the dr last week to get the ball rolling. HR will start their investigation this week so will see what the outcome is. Ideal scenario I can move to a different area but HR didn’t seem positive that can happen. I think they’ll just give HM a slap on the wrist and some “coaching”. I’m not sticking around for that to happen. Have about 20 days of sick leave I’ll use up as stress leave rather than continue working for this guy.

      • Yes but then you fair work them lol

  • Also just for other people to know. This happens in some big company’s. If they need to cut restructure costs, they head hunt for these evil coward managers that actually have no skills at all. They lack emotion intelligence and empathy. My friend got harassed out and a lot of other people at a big 4 bank, the same manager was then hired at the bank I worked at to harass people out instead of paying us redundancy. This cow is now moving in different departments on purpose by HR to harass people out as we speak. A lot of people at banks have been there for over 20 years and on a high salary compared to new starters.
    The union had no power and only the people who are left with energy and have money for a lawyer are saved.

    • +1

      That is truly evil. How does HR and this horrible person sleep at night!

      • +2

        Probably alone, except for some cats.

  • Update from HR investigation - no bullying. Just some concerns on HM’s behaviour so will get some coaching. That’s what I expected but still pissed off. Just want to quit right now.

    • +1

      It is sort of what you expected. I would be having a bit of a chat to the fair work people to see how they view the managers behaviour. You don't need to make a complaint but they might be able to give you some perspective on the behaviour. Time to find another job, and if you do find one, I would make the HR guys aware you have been talking to Fair Work. As I indicated before they can't fire you whilst you do your job so make sure you document your interactions with your manager and dont leave until you have another positition. The vindictive little prick might make it hard for you to get a decent reference. Breathe and regroup. You are not the one that caused this issue. Who knows he might be wary enough to leave you alone and find someone else to hassle. Best of luck.

      • I'm hoping this will curb his behaviour for a bit and give me some breathing room while I look for another job. I'm still doing my job but mentally I've checked out and hating every interaction I have with him. I'm not sure how long I can mentally hold out in this job while the job hunting is going on but I will try to persevere. It is making me depressed not knowing how long this might last. I am very tempted to quit but realistically and practically, I know it's not the right move to quit with no fallback plan.

        • Is it worth looking for a slightly lower level position in your field?

          Less pay, yes. But getting out of a toxic environment faster is a bonus.

          At any rate, widen your net.

          Good luck. Remember you deserve to be treated well and not played by your supervisors.

        • It does sound like HR have dropped the ball, big time, with you. They should be checking in with you and keeping you happy. They are risking a stress claim by leaving you out there on your own. Find a friend you trust and do a regular debrief.

          It is hard but try not to be rash. Just keep your head down and do your job whilst looking. I got through this period by thinking about the money. I did a lot of walking and listening to music. Maybe join a gym and channel all the frustration into classes or sit in the spa. The job is only one part of your life and this will pass. Put your energy into creating your CV and developing your skills. Pamper yourself.

          Best of luck.

        • I don’t know if this will help, but it is one way to deal with the dread you are feeling, having to stay on and interact with him, while looking for a job.

          Think of it this way: everything is now in the open.

          Keep reminding yourself: what is the worst that can happen?
          The worst is you are told to leave right now. So you have no job, no salary and still have to hunt for a job. Even if this happens, it is not the end of the world. In fact, you will cope just fine (although not ideal).

          Once you are mentally prepared for the worst, you will be more at peace and he can affect you less. If he becomes unreasonable, you can even point out to him, that his move to undermine you is very transparent, given the recent events. And people are watching and you are documenting, etc.

          Most likely, he is not feeling super secure either. With 2IC on his heels, HR aware of your complaint, and big boss, who at the moment, may not see it fit to act – that does not mean further missteps by him will not cost him his job. Due to that, he will, if he is smart, be civil and reasonable.

          Once you have inner peace and not affected by him, it is much easier for you to handle him, do your job, and do the job-hunting. For now, it is mostly a mind game, until you find a job and leave at your own timing.

          All the best!

          • @bluesky: Thank you for all these replies. My counsellor said very similar things - what’s the worst that can happen? I’ve already got 1 foot out the door. I can normally rally myself to persevere and just get on with it. But I’m wondering if I’m sinking into depression. I’ve never had depression before but increasingly I’m wondering what’s the point of all this. I’ve considered a career change just to get out. I’ve never enjoyed this job but fell into it and happened to be good at it. It pays well so I’ve just done it to pay the bills. Is that enough though? Does anyone enjoy their jobs? I’m just tired from lack of sleep. I’m sure I’ll get over this.

            • @misswanderlust: What you are feeling is felt by a lot of us. There are just varying degrees of sucking. Unfortunately being good at your job doesn’t make you immune because work situations cover the spectrum of people’s behaviour and office politics can be vicious. My way of taming the brain squirrel was to start reading at night before going to sleep and writing the great Australian novel in my head once I turned off the light. You need to find the circuit breaker. There are a several times in my career where I thought I was going nuts but looking back the crap was just part of the spectrum. Talk to your Counsellor about how you are feeling and what is the difference between sad, and angry, and being depressed. It can be hard to see beyond the current issues, but concentrating on the positives, rather than the negatives, does help. In a few years this will be nothing but your dinner party “my worst job” story.

              • @try2bhelpful: Thanks @try2bhelpful - you are very insightful.

                Quick update from me - last week HM announced a new person joining the team, doing my exact job and covering my territory. Ostensibly this is to help me with my workload but it’s pretty obvious he’s trying to replace me. I also had my first face to face meeting with him (after declining or scheduling mental health days on the days we had to meet after I raised the HR case). He was all fake sincere and apologising for what he did, saying it was a misunderstanding (obviously coached by HR). I kept it professional and stood my ground. He thinks if we work more closely together I’ll find he’s a good person. What a joke. Anyway writing is on the wall. He’ll probably play it safe while HR monitor or coach him a bit but he’ll be back to his old tricks in trying to get rid of me. I asked this new person when he confirmed he was moving into the team (it’s an internal transfer) and he said it started a month ago. This coincides with when he started his bullying campaign in earnest.

                Anyway am hanging in there. Am proud of myself for keeping it professional and standing up for myself in our first face to face.

                • @misswanderlust: Good for you. It help to think about the daily rate you are paid, as you walk out the door every evening. They, obviously, think you are looking at moving on so not surprising they are shadowing you. I wouldn’t waste time worrying about your Boss’s motives. Just make sure he gives you clearly defined requirements, deliverables and due dates. Ensure it is understood what you are doing, and what the new guy is doing, and what keeps you in the positive side of the ledger; then just concentrate on delivering. Documenting is your friend to avoid misunderstandings, particularly if the bullying restarts. Keep it cool, keep it professional, and don’t make it look like you are holding a grudge. As far as HR is concerned they’ve dealt with it. It sucks, but that is the way the world works. All I can say is, on a number of occasions, I thought I would break but between exercising, keeping myself detached, keeping it professional and my sleep exercises I got past it. Perspective is your friend.

                • @misswanderlust:

                  Am proud of myself for keeping it professional and standing up for myself in our first face to face.

                  Good to hear you are holding your ground. Continue being professional, and do not give him any excuse. If he is back to his old tricks, stand up to him and report him again. Maybe he will come to realise it is not worth tangling with you.

                  Most importantly take care of yourself. Working with your counsellor, I have no doubt you will come off faring all right - and even proud of yourself, as you say. I continue to wish you the best.

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