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'If Only We Had Known' Videos for Families/Loved Ones of People w/ Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) - Free Rental @BPDvideo


To commemorate US BPD Awareness month, you can access the 5-video series, 'If Only We Had Known', developed by NEA-BPD to assist the families & loved ones of people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to develop a better understanding of the condition & learn how to best help their loved one manage their condition, for free via instant rental. Just add the series to your cart, & enter the coupon code TW620, which is valid until the end of May, at check-out, & you'll be able to rent the video series instantly, allowing you to view the videos as many times as you like for 10 days from the date of purchase. The series is rated 4.41 stars out of 5, & from what I've seen so far (I'm part of the way through it as we speak), it's pretty informative. The series is made up of the following 5 titles:

  • Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Treating Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Coping with Borderline Personality Disorder

Here's the blurb from the site:

If Only We Had Known: A Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder video series:
This series documents four families living with Borderline Personality Disorder. Each of the five videos focuses on a critical aspect of BPD: understanding what BPD is; what causes it; how it is diagnosed; how it is treated; and how people can learn to cope with BPD and rebuild fractured relationships. Leading BPD experts and advocates provide the most recent insights and explanations about Borderline Personality Disorder.

If Only We Had Known: A Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder was funded by grant from the National Institute of Mental Health. A randomized controlled trial conducted with family members, under the direction of NEA-BPD, showed that people who viewed the five videos increased their knowledge about BPD, felt more empowered, and felt less emotional burden.

Experts In This Series.
These experiences are informed by insights and commentary from leading experts in the field including:

Marsha Linehan, PhD – developer of Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
John Gunderson, MD – founder of the McLean Hospital Borderline Personality Disorder Center.
Peter Fonagy, PhD – co-developer of Mentalization-Based Treatment.
Jon G. Allen, PhD – co-author of Mentalizing in Clinical Practice.
Antonia New, MD – researcher focusing on the neurobiology of borderline personality disorder.
Frank Yeomans, MD – co-developer of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy.
Mary Zanarini, EdD – professor, Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital.
Perry Hoffman, PhD and Alan Fruzzetti, PhD – co-developers of the NEA-BPD Family Connections.
Alec Miller, PsyD – director of the Adolescent Depression and Suicide Program, at Montefiore Medical Center.

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  • Thank you for this.

  • Thanks, it's my wife's birthday soon.

  • wow the production on that looks ancient

    • Has the disorder or our understanding of it changed significantly? If not, it's probably still relevant.

  • Um… Just looking at the titles of the "experts" this sounds seriously worrying. And statements like this "A randomized controlled trial conducted with family members, under the direction of NEA-BPD, showed that people who viewed the five videos increased their knowledge about BPD, felt more empowered, and felt less emotional burden."

    I don't know enough to down vote, but I find everything in this post extremely concerning and would suggest checking independent sources before looking at these

    • Marsha Linehan is well-known in the community for her work with BPD, particularly for the development of DBT (an evidence-based psychotherapy used for the treatment of BPD).

      I appreciate critical thinking and think that we all need to be aware of the information that we consume, but I think this particular resource may be ok. Although I'm not sure how relevant it will be for those without BPD, without a loved one with BPD, or if you're not in a mental health or health profession.

    • I don't understand. What's the cause for worry / concern with regard to those titles and that statement?

    • +15 votes

      I can't comment on the quality of the videos but there are some seriously impressive names listed here in terms of experts in the field.

      Source: I'm a psychiatrist.

      • Thank you! I was pretty impressed by the cavalcade of big names too, hence my decision to share it. The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder doesn't typically eff around with the well-being of people with BPD & their families & loved ones.

        Source: I'm a person a with a lived experience of BPD. 😋

        Seriously though, what is it that's so concerning, it's nearly downvote-worthy? Not sure what I'm missing here.

  • I'm glad to see more resources revolving around mental health posted. It's an everyday issue that can be incredibly unique to the person. That's why there's so many variations of treatments/information. As the person said above, it's important to be critical to ensure the care/content provided results in a beneficial outcome.

    Thanks for posting OP - it's a nice deed that will hopefully benefit a few lives.

    • shame Australian public mental services are third world still

      • Haven't visited America? We're certainly not the best but far from worst.

        • you're more likely to get claims of rape and violence in mental institutions investigated in america than here because of legal liability laws.

          in oz there's no mandatory reporting of any serious crime in any government mental institution of any kind.

          the most vulnerable members of australian society are literally abandoned under the law here without any bloody legal rights. its still the 18th century as far as oz mental health is concerned.

          Aboriginals and animals have more legal rights than the mentally ill in Auuustraliaaa.

          government have been hypocritically spouting about caring for your mental health under covid but knowingly conceal terrible abuses every day.

  • It is understandable that some people have doubts about the lesser known mental health conditions as they have been poorly represented in various media in the past. In terms of the prevalence of this disorder prior to 1960, 'Borderline' was first used to describe the specific cluster of symptoms in 1938. People with BPD were described as having "primitive" psychological defenses such as splitting and projective identification.

    There is a push to rename the disorder to provide more clarity. The following names have been suggested:

    • Emotional Regulation Disorder
    • Emotional Dysregulation Disorder
    • Emotional Intensity Disorder
    • Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder
    • Impulsive Personality Disorder
    • Impulsive-Emotional Dysregulation Disorder
    • Emotionally Impulsive Personality Disorder

    Emotional Regulation Disorder was the most popular among clinicians and Emotional Intensity Disorder was the most popular among patients. The latest revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-V, has proposed the name Borderline Type.

    My background? lived experience, paramedic, and now a trauma counsellor.

  • Bit expensive for a rental with buying the DVD's costing $324.97 normally.. (presume USD too)

  • Good on you for sharing this!

  • Thank you, @LustStarrr for posting this, and your personal experience.
    Ignorance is no excuse for the puerile trolling here, which is malicious, does the posters no credit and only serves to reiterate the need for continued education around this mental disorder.
    Mental Health nurse here.

    • Thanks for the good work that people like you in your profession achieves for society. Couldn't have said it better, take care

          • +11 votes

            @paraneoplastic: Firstly you're wrong about the DSM criteria. Secondly, you clearly don't have an understanding of the extensive literature on BPD which shows that the old fashioned view that view that people can't recover from BPD is just plain wrong - in fact Gunderson (listed above) has found 85% remission rates over 10 years. Thirdly, even as a psychiatrist I would never go so far as to say we understand the pathophysiology of any of the the other disorders you have mentioned - in fact there is little doubt that disorders like major depression and schizophrenia are probably made up of tens if not hundreds of different disease processes which we are only beginning to understand.

            • @zoob: How am i wrong about the DSM criteria?

              No i don't have an extensive understanding of BPD, but i have had a decent understanding, because of the amount of patients that come through ED and having done a term in psych.

              So you as a consultant psychiatrist believe that BPD is a disease? Becasue in my time in the mental health wards, i have never seem a BPD patient admitted for BPD. Most DSH are risk stratified in psych emergency and discharged. and all consultant psychiatrists i've worked with don't think it's a disease, they think it's a personality trait.

              • +9 votes

                @paraneoplastic: Maybe look up the DSM yourself, you might learn something that way. That's how I learnt things as a junior doctor.

                Not a disease. I wouldn't call any psychiatric disorder a disease. As I pointed out, we don't adequately understand underlying disease processes for most disorders which are essentially syndromes defined in the DSM.

                Admission has nothing to do with whether someone has an illness or not, only on whether or not it's something that's best managed in a hospital setting. A lot of things come into the decision making process. In the case of BPD, there's evidence long admissions can cause harm, and we especially avoid involuntary admissions, but it's not unusual for brief admissions to be used for crisis management.

                • @zoob: "Maybe look up the DSM yourself, you might learn something that way. That's how I learnt things as a junior doctor."

                  Well said!

                • @zoob: Whilst I largely agree with you, I do think that saying that a disorder is not a disease is a pretty arbitrary distinction. Whilst psychiatry is largely around syndromic diagnoses of heterogenous aetiologies, there are established theories for most diagnoses, and accepted natural histories, prognosis, treatment modalities that work for each disorder. I'm not sure how much faith you have in functional MRI (and cetainly it seems like there is a lot of variation of interpretation of this), but some studies have shown that in BPD for instance, there is hyperreactivity of the limbic system (related to emotional intesity and quality), as well as underactivity of various parts of the frontal lobe (related to impulse control and executive functioning), hypothesized to be linked to developmental changes secondary to attachment disorders or early developmental trauma.

                  Ultimately, whilst a diagnosis of BPD can come with some stigma, it is helpful in giving patients a label to their distress, providing information about treatment and prognosis and communication with others. Claiming that personality disorders aren't real medical illneses is disingenuous though, and minimises the distress and suffering these people go through.

                • @zoob: You're right, i was wrong about the 7 criteria, it's 9 and 5 need to be met for diagnosis. Regardless, my statement stands, if someone has 5 criteria and then only has 4 just because they are no longer considred to have BPD doesn't mean they no longer have the characteristic personality traits associated with BPD.

                  I knew about BPD and admissions and that's why i stated it. As you're aware the reason longer admissions leads to 'more harm' is because it re-inforces the behaviours and justifies the patients feelings as to those which require a hospital stay to 'treat'. By considering BPD as anything more than a personality disorder, it enables and justifies the typical actions people carry out with BPD.

                  But i understand your point and respect that we have deferring opinions, my opinion is inherently biased because of the amount of people i have seen with BPD in ED and psych emergency - after you see a person 5 times in the same month for cutting their wrists or thighs - surturing them back up, build rapport and think you've gotten through to them, organise follow up with GP/psychologist - only for them to come back the next week - i stop caring.

  • Thank you. It's always helpful to find helpful materials like this.

  • "If Only I Had Known: I Never Would Have Married Them"


  • Wish I could say the lack of compassion in this thread towards those with mental illness was surprising.

    • People with BPD may have a propensity to inflict severe, chronic and traumatic emotional abuse on the people in their lives. That can instill resentment in even the most compassionate people and perhaps more so since it can be a vulnerability.

      Mental illness may explain, but never excuses, abusive behaviours.

      • I never said people should excuse abusive behaviour. What I was talking about was the mostly deleted immature comments making fun of those suffering with a mental illness. Are you implying all of them are from people who were abused by BPD sufferers?

  • Reckon my girlfriend might be BPD, how can I confirm? (Serious request)

    • Do you get long lectures where you aren't allowed to say anything back? This was just one symptom my ex had that I've seen talked about on forums.

    • You can read about the diagnostic criteria for BPD here: https://bpdfoundation.org.au/diagnostic-criteria.php

      Your girlfriend would have to have at least 5 of those traits to qualify for a diagnosis.

      That being said, if she falls short at 4, she could still benefit from therapy. If her behaviour, cognition and inner experience significantly negatively impact her life, I would encourage her to seek therapy.

    • Best to talk to a trained mental health professional especially someone who has years of experience in assessment and counselling treatment for BPD. You can call Lifeline and some Psychologists there (e.g. Clinical Practice or Counselling Psychologist Managers of the centre) may have such a background for you to casually chat to on the phone for free if you ask for him/her and if she/he does telephone chats.

      Also search for local workshops on DBT or BPD run by psychologists and try to get in touch with that person (e.g. i believe Sydney Uni Centre for Continuing Education CCE had some short courses on BPD run by Psychologist Kathi Pauncz). There are many workshops run by the Social Workers association (ACWA CCWT https://www.ccwt.edu.au/courses).

      You can find out yourself before consulting with a psych about your gf:
      - mentalhealthacademy.com.au is an excellent source of infomation not just for clinicians but for the general public.
      - psychotherapy.net (costs money)
      - wisemind.com (free 24 hr trial)
      - alexanderstreet counselling and psychotherapy videos
      - the Great Courses website might have some stuff (2 week free trial)
      - crufad clinic
      - cci WA https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Oth...
      - I just saw this site also and I think it's relatively knew: https://www.mhe.edu.au/ (psychiatry-based: diagnosis and medications; not psychology-based: assessment and counselling)

  • -1 vote

    Why so much censorship in this thread?

  • Thanks,this sounds excellent. The comments section here may hurt people.

    • that's because people ain't nice

      • Could be. I think it mainly comes from not enough practical knowledge and physical practice in active listening, reflective listening, empathic listening, and validation. These are really challenging to do but one needs to know about what they are before they can apply them, and then read about them again and keep reapplying. It helps once feelings are understood, especially seeing people (and their accompanying feelings / thoughts / behaviours) from a lens of trauma/loss/bereavement. But again, to do that one needs to first learn what trauma is and how it affects people (and their accompanying feelings / thoughts / behaviours)

  • Lots of fancy ideas but the simplest issue remains ignored. People communicate verbally. When they lie that communication is altered - words no longer have the same meaning because trust and belief are removed.

    When the world decided to accept lying as completely acceptable it changed.

    rising numbers of mental illness are completely related to verbal communications no longer possessing the same meaning.

    Even words are twisted around routinely these days. A receipt for an email is a response not a receipt is a standard statement.

    Active listening to a known and documented liar is impossible, because you don't have any interest in what is being uttered.

  • thanks so much for this, from someone who has recently been diagnosed with bpd

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