New Housemate in a Non-Smoking Sharehouse Says She Smokes

M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 01:01
Last edited 15/07/2020 - 13:22

So a new housemate moved in last week and today told us that she smokes and asked if it was okay to smoke outside. We all kind of looked at each other and one of the others said as long she didn't do it near the doorway so the smell doesn't drift in. Expressed surprise that she's so young and didn't seem like the smoking type, gave the obligatory recommendation not to do it (we are health professionals) but said that at the end of the day its her choice etc etc.

The thing is, its a strictly non-smoking house, there's even interconnected smoke alarms in every room. I moved in on the understanding that it was a non-smoking house and chose to live here over other places where the tenants smoked (even outside, its a dealbreaker). I have asthma, which is exacerbated by second-hand smoke and one of the other housemates only recently managed to quit. Neither of us are particularly keen on any cigarette smells coming into the house. Also, what if she's smoking other things or the landlord finds out? How do I address my concerns in a considerate manner? She's a nice person, who gets along really well and I don't want ruin the relationship.

Edit - I now realise “what if she’s smoking other things” is an unfair remark. Sorry for that. At least I got that out here and didn’t ask her…

Also, to those saying it doesn’t impact me, I’ve worked in public health and on a respiratory ward and can point out a dozen studies showing that even smoking outside affects other members of a household. I have a right to be concerned. She has the right to smoke. Just looking for a peaceful compromise.

Health & Beauty

Comments

  • spackbace on 15/07/2020 - 01:46
    +10

    Did the ad mention non-smoking? Was it mentioned in the interview?

    I mean, look at it from her pov, she asked if it was OK outside, you said sure…

    So a new housemate moved in last week and today told us that she smokes and asked if it was okay to smoke outside.

    one of the others said as long she didn't do it near the doorway

    Nuff said

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 08:12
      +1

      It did, she asked and the landlord said no (I was asked by the landlord if I smoke too). I didn’t say personally yes when she asked us today.

      • Bargain80 on 15/07/2020 - 09:32

        does the landlord know if she smokes?
        maybe you should report it to landlord.
        it doesn't matter if she stand near doorway or 5m away, in certain condition wind can blow the smokes inside anyway.

        • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 09:46

          That’s what I’m concerned about but I’m certainly not there yet! I was just thinking a polite discussion with her.

  • Mechz on 15/07/2020 - 01:58
    +19

    Love your train of thought that she's going to smoke pot just because she smokes cigs.

    • tomsco on 15/07/2020 - 07:57
      +3

      I use to think pot was a gateway drug, but it seems like tobacco is the gateway to the gateway.

      • Mechz on 15/07/2020 - 08:05
        +4

        Next thing you know she's drinking coffee with a bit a bit of whiskey. That's only days before the heroin dealer arrives to inject everyone for free (introductory offer).

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 08:13

      Ok, that was an unfair remark on my part. I apologise. My bias from working in Drug and Alcohol services got the better of me.

  • Travis J on 15/07/2020 - 01:59

    Also, what if she's smoking other things or the landlord finds out?

    Yeah. What would happen if the landlord finds out. Are you concerned for her or you?

  • Meho2026 on 15/07/2020 - 02:35

    It’s a bit late now.
    You should’ve asked her before she moved in if she smoked.
    You should’ve spoken up when she asked if it was ok for her to smoke.
    You’ll have to move out.

    • k-rokfm on 15/07/2020 - 08:10
      +2

      Surely they would have put it on the ad that it was a non smoking house. (OP?)
      Surely if you were moving in somewhere you would tell them that you smoked before you signed a contract.

      ETAH

      • Zephyrus on 15/07/2020 - 09:28

        Non-smoking house generally means non-smoking inside, i.e. it's OK to do outside, just not in the structure.

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 08:15

      I didn’t meet her before she moved in. She only just asked and I wanted to think about it first, it’s not too late.

  • screensaver on 15/07/2020 - 05:27

    Well ask her to move on as its a non smoking house but give her time to find somewhere, and in the meantime let her smoke outside away from the door

  • EightImmortals on 15/07/2020 - 06:46
    +2

    "Also, what if she's smoking other things or the landlord finds out?"

    Tell her to make cookies instead…and share?

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 09:26

      Haha, sure.

  • jjjaar on 15/07/2020 - 06:58
    +1

    Also, what if she's smoking other things

    At least other things smell nicer

  • Markmathews on 15/07/2020 - 07:39

    Communal smoking was a joy. Without it share houses are just chicken coops.

  • dasher86 on 15/07/2020 - 08:08

    Pot smells nicer than tobacco anyways :P

  • Hithere on 15/07/2020 - 08:16
    +1

    she's so young and didn't seem like the smoking type

    What is the smoking type?

    Never looks you in the eye, friends call late at night and talk in whispers furtively looking around when people approach. Use slang such as "I want a puff" and "I've got some chop chop"?

    AFAIK smoking isn't against the law and as long as she smokes outside and away from others she's not interfering with you.

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 08:39
      +2

      Housemates words. I think the intention was concern but I can see how it’s stereotyping.

      I have no problem living with a smoker in a non smoking house, as long as there are clear boundaries, which I wanted to think about first.

  • holdenmg on 15/07/2020 - 08:29

    May it is a cry for help?

    Google Quitline for them if it helps.

  • redforever on 15/07/2020 - 09:38
    +1

    I presume all of you rent directly from the landlord? If so, as long as she is not smoking inside and impact you, it is not your responsibility to police if she is a smoker.

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 09:55
      +1

      Fair enough. Just want to set boundaries so it doesn’t become an issue. Smoke gets onto clothes, can blow in through doorways etc. There’s always an impact, but it can be be minimised.

  • zigzagoonmemes on 15/07/2020 - 09:49
    +1

    OP, considering you work in a "Health Field", your lack of empathy is surprising. Your new housemate is outside, if the smell bothers you ask her to go for a walk while she smokes.

    Also, hundreds of thousands of people in Australia smoke weed - daily, weekly, whatever. Your boss might. Your friends might and not tell you - I wouldn't.

    So why do you care?

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 10:08
      +1

      Not to nitpick, but you can’t feel empathy for something you’ve never done. I’ve seen first hand the damage passive smoking does to people who live with relatives that ‘smoke outside’. She hasn’t done anything yet and I never said no, just expressing my concerns.

      Weed is not the issue here, but if it were, I have no problem with it personally, however, it is illegal and even living with someone who smokes weed could jeopardise my tenancy or even my job in the public sector. Again, not the issue here and I regret bringing it up.

      • zigzagoonmemes on 15/07/2020 - 10:11

        Empathy "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

        Nothing to do with if you've done it or not.

        • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 10:17
          +2

          So the same applies to a housemate who’s an asthmatic? I’m not judging her, I’m not saying she can’t smoke, I’m just looking out for my health.

          Also, as a frontline worker, I have a professional obligation to promote public health and encourage people not to smoke, but she’s not my patient so I’m not pushing it.

  • payton on 15/07/2020 - 10:50
    +1

    OP, regardless of all the virtue signalling stink going on in this thread, you live there (and they don't), so pick a solution that you're comfortable with, not what the internet social justice team would like you to do

    • M0RGAN on 15/07/2020 - 11:12
      +1

      Yeah, quickly realising that the internet isn’t the best place for this kind of advice.

  • [Deactivated] on 15/07/2020 - 11:05
    -1

    Did you login here with your mums account?

  • blonky on 15/07/2020 - 11:06

    Almost ran into a similar situation not long ago - the person has ticked "Smokers Ok" on their flatmates profile, when all it means is that you are ok with living in a smoking household, not that you are a smoker

    It only came up in conversation when they were viewing and mentioned the balcony in their room would be perfect for them to smoke on - but it didn't seem like they actively planned on saying anything until we asked them about it after hearing that

    I do feel like that is something you should to explicitly mention up front, and our ad didn't have the Smokers Accepted box ticked either - wish it could say non-smokers only though

    Did they try to mislead us - who knows but glad we dodged that bullet as we do have flatmates with asthma and their balcony overlooks the garden in front of the living room where the doors are always open

    Lesson is never assume, always ask

  • roastchook on 15/07/2020 - 11:21

    Nobody ever said that life was free.
    Use your freedom of choice, your freedom of choice
    DEVO

  • lainey13 on 15/07/2020 - 21:58

    This is a deal breaker when it comes to relationships… so I guess it depends on how much you can tolerate. Remember, smokers can't smell it on themselves so even if you asked her to smoke completely off the property she'll just come straight back in with the smell. Good luck with that…

  • Traveller107 on 16/07/2020 - 22:50
    +1

    My mate rented his beautiful home to a family when he moved interstate. It was listed that no smoking was allowed on the premises. Tenants lied on application, smoked and a neighbour told My mate about it. Rental agent did an inspection and found cigarette butts in the backyard and cigarette smell through the house.
    Tenants got a notice to vacate for the breach and had to pay for the whole house to be washed and new carpets.

    This impolite moron of a woman will end up costing you your health and your bond.
    Tell her to find a new place or tell the landlord. Put your health above her nasty habit.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join