How to Make It Work -Sole Parent, Full Time Work and Part Time Study

AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 21:26
Last edited 08/03/2021 - 21:27

Hi, I'd like to ask if there are any full time working, divorced parents that are also studying part time (2 units)? How do you make it work? I work until 16.00 Monday to Friday and then at night for 2 to 3 hours on my laptop for work and half a day over the weekend. Last week I tried starting the day at 4am to study for two hours but found I just couldn't get up.

I can't quit my job and at the same time I dont know how to keep on top of everything. If anyone has any ideas please share. Please be kind. Thank you.

Education & Work

Comments

  • BertieBrown on 08/03/2021 - 21:55
    +3

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, that sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate.

    Would it be possible for you to reduce your work commitments? I understand that you don’t want to resign completely, so would it be possible to partially cut back on your hours? I’m sorry, I know how tough it is to be studying, and working, so that’s potentially not overly helpful.

    It’s cliche, but I do think finding balance is important. Uni usually suggests, depending on the subject that around 10 hours per unit, per week, but that’s obviously very dependent on the course, lecturer, content etc.

    I know that my partner was trying to commit to full time work, and part time study, and it was a matter of finding balance, otherwise you are potentially pushing yourself too hard.

    I wish I could be more helpful. But I think in a nutshell, it sounds like you may need to consider reducing work commitments, if that’s possible.

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 22:07
      +2

      It's exactly what you said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      • Icecold5000 on 11/03/2021 - 12:41
        +1

        Put all your assignments on an excel spreadsheet chronologically. Begin all assignments at least two weeks before they are due. Ignore anything that does not contribute to your final grade that is not compulsory.

  • GourmetFoodie on 08/03/2021 - 21:56
    +6

    I just did a temporary solo parent gig and it was hell. It made me realise solo parents are heroes to just get through a standard week with work and looking after kids and the house. You either need more support to care for the kids and house (childcare, buy pre cooked meals, cleaner etc) so that you can study in those times or you need to pause the study. Something has to give as you can’t try to do it all and get a mental breakdown as a result.

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 22:06
      +1

      I'm worried about a breakdown. I thought about reducing to 3 days but we would struggle financially. There's only income keeping us afloat. Thank you for sharing your insights.

      • GourmetFoodie on 09/03/2021 - 12:18
        +1

        Yes it’s so hard. I feel for your mate. Try to keep your sanity as the priority as everything falls down without that.

        • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 19:05

          Thank you, some days are harder than others.

  • kipps on 08/03/2021 - 22:28
    +4

    Hi. It’s rough. Focus on your daily routine. Think about things you can rearrange around the house to make your life easier. It gets easier with time. Don’t give up.

  • Gnostikos on 08/03/2021 - 22:31
    +5

    I don't think anyone can provide definitive answers to a question like that but to give you some hope, my mother was an immigrant single parent with two kids who didn't speak a word of English and knew literally one person in-country before coming to Australia and had to work part-time and study full-time (with a degree that was as alien to her as hieroglyphics; coming from a rural peasant background and transitioning to Computer Science, lol) and she made it work.

    After I grew up and went through my pain-in-the-ass higher education and entered the workforce, in much, MUCH more favourable circumstances (thanks in good part to her massive sacrifices), she talked to me about those "dark days" and what kind of trauma it imparted on her (though none of that she shared with her kids at the time) and I honestly don't know how in the sh*t people manage living a life like that. I know it's possible, but I think you have to be a different breed and I know that kind of experience would have just about drove the 25-year old me to suicide or something drastic, if I had been saddled with that lot so early in life.

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 22:34
      +6

      Your mother sounds like an amazing lady.

      • Gnostikos on 08/03/2021 - 22:44
        +1

        Thanks, she truly is and she has well and truly earned her stereotypical boomer bragging rights of "back when I was your age, I was doing… blah, blah, blah". She was basically working 7 days a week for those first 7 years in Australia (if you combine first TAFE then uni attendance, study, part-time work and being a parent). No holidays, no leave, lots of complications from leaving a war-torn country (no documentation, no recognition of previous studies, etc) and starting out with barely a dollar to her name. Mad respect is all I have (and wise cracks about her hilarious accent).

  • Brodo Faggins on 08/03/2021 - 22:39
    +2

    How flexible is your work schedule? are they able to increase work hours from eg 8.30-4.30, for 4 days, and finishing up 4hrs earlier on the day you have uni? (this would also only be an option, where you're not picking up your kids from school).

    Those hours you spend daily after work - how much of that is necessary? Could you be using that time to study / attend night class?

    Do you have any relatives that might be able to care for your children whilst you study at uni/attend lectures?

    Does your uni offer online substitutes for those units? Or Trimesters? Perhaps email the unit head and see if they can work something out?

    I burnt out juggling full time uni & full time work. I switched to FT work / PT uni (work 9-7pm 4 days a week, and a few hours on the same day as tutorials).

    Are you also able to reduce other time (not work/uni related)? Prepping meals in bulk? Online groceries instead of spending 1hr at Woolies?

    Hopefully you find a lightbulb thought somewhere within this post… sending you strength & perseverance!!!

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 23:36

      Hi there, I'm a full-time teacher trying to get into another profession by studying out of this career into another. I'm playing with figures and my budget to see if I can make it work to drop a day. I don't have family here, they're all overseas. I'm studying as an external student and listen to the recorded lectures. I'm spreading myself thin and hope I can keep going for my kids anyway. Thanks for replying.

      • p1 ama on 09/03/2021 - 00:04

        I'm a full-time teacher trying to get into another profession by studying out of this career into another.

        Could you keep working as a teacher for a while longer, saving up, then taking some time off to study when you're in a better financial position?

        • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 00:27

          Not really, as I pay everything now so it doesn't leave much left over anyway.

      • rooon on 09/03/2021 - 05:43
        +1

        As a teacher you are doing way more hours than you are being paid for (like most teachers). You should cut back all the unpaid hours you are working and let things slide. A horrible profession these days.

        • ms_caz on 09/03/2021 - 18:18

          sounds great in theory but it's just not possible to cut back work out of hours and let things slide.

        • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 19:02

          Exactly, the education system would likely collapse of teachers didn't work beyond their contracted hours. I work during the holidays too. It's impossible to.do this job without working beyond the classroom hours.

  • Boioioioi on 08/03/2021 - 23:28
    +2

    Hey sorry to hear about the tough times, you can do it though man you'll pull through. Your kids are super lucky to have you fighting the battle for them.

    My suggestion would be to look into areas of your daily life you can save time. For example, rather than cook every day, could you prepare food that can be preserved for a few days? I usually cook once a week and freeze my meals. (Stuff like soup, burritos, curry, sandwiches)

    I'd also suggest talk to a councellor or student support at your uni and see what if any sort of help they can offer. I went to QUT and they had many services to help students going through challenging times.

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 23:32

      Wonderful advice, thank you for ideas I never thought of.

  • p1 ama on 08/03/2021 - 23:36
    +2

    Think you need to pick either work or study and commit to the one. It's better to do a good job at one than to try and straddle the two only to end up worse for wear in both departments.

    If you want to study and the degree will bring you substantial benefits, then my suggestion would be to seriously consider reducing your work commitment and move to studying full time instead. You'll have more time to dedicate to your studies, you'll feel better about time and you'll graduate sooner, so you'll start earning more sooner as well. There's no point, IMO, dragging out your study for longer than you have to. This only makes it more difficult for you to do well and makes it a more difficult hurdle to overcome. E.g. if you have a 3 year degree, for instance, I'd rather live it rough for 3 years rather than live it semi-rough for 6 years. Time passes quickly when you're studying. You might want to look into support options, e.g. scholarships as well.

    Might be worth getting the support of your family if that helps with certain expenses. For example, could you move back in with your parents to save on rent, or if not, then perhaps you can have dinner at your parents' place (or other family's place) to help with cooking time and chip in some money for their shopping, for instance. If you're currently renting, then perhaps consider renting a place that is closer to your work. It might be smaller, but time seems to be the premium for you.

    On the other hand, if your degree isn't going to return you any substantial benefit instantly, my advice would be to take a breather for a few years. Work for a while, build up some savings, have some security first, then come back to studying when you're able to commit to it fully.

    Also, what are you studying (if you don't mind sharing)? I remember back in my uni days, studying meant partying until the last week of semester and reading through all the material in 3 days without any sleep and a truckload of energy drinks. I remember some of my mates would somehow get their hands on Adderall and would be able to study like nuts. I don't think any of us took studying seriously in any capacity and we all graduated with great marks. That said, I was 18 - 21 back then and nucking futs, I don't know if I'd be able to handle that now.

  • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 23:41

    Hi there, I already have a degree. I'm doing a master's degree for another sector. Sadly no family here. I wish I could study full time for the next 2 years. That's how long the new course will take full time. Because I've only taken a part time load it will go longer than this. I believe I'd get some assistance from Centrelink but we would be in dire straits in all honesty. The course has two unpaid placements that will be a challenge when they come around. Thank you for your insights.

  • TheBilly on 08/03/2021 - 23:41
    +6

    Recommendations I can make from studying 4-6 subjects a sum with 6 days work on average 7am to 5pm with a child but not divorced.

    1. Plan your study by identifying what is important and what is not important. If it were up to your teachers their lessons would be more important than life itself and if you didn’t listen the world would end. But in actuality they are completely unimportant, you just need to get through successfully and get qualified. For example straight off the bat what is important is what you need to pass the subject. Your compulsory attendance in tutorials, your assessments and your exams. At the start of semester note all of these items in your calendar for the term and set reminders leading 3 weeks up to it so you don’t leave this till the last second. Attend your classes where you can but more importantly start your submissions 3 weeks before they are due in bite size 30 minute increments, so you are not stressing and spending 6-12 hours you don’t have, 2 nights before it is due. Focussing on what is important and giving it little bits of time will significantly reduce your stress as you worry about less and stay on top of it, likewise you will have more time once you identify what is important and what is not.

    2. Create a 6 item hit list every day to attack when you get home from work, this list must only contain extremely esssential items. If you create a list with 15 items you have too much stuff on your list that is not important. On this list put down the 5 things you must achieve so your life doesn’t fall apart with the 6th item being exam revision or assessments. For example; pack kids lunch, prep school clothes, dinner, kids homework, load the dishwasher, do 30 minutes of assessments or revision. You must stick to this hit list religiously because if you don’t - you will procrastinate, do things that are not worth your limited time, not get any study done and push your responsibility to the future and create more pressure later.

    3. Write your tasks on paper and cross them out as you complete an item.

    4. Cut useless life time to the bone. I.e. don’t go grocery shopping in store but do click and collect or get it delivered. Don’t vacuum and mop the house everyday instead vacuum everyday but mop once a week. Instead of deep cleaning the house everyday by wiping every surface just put things back in their place and make it orderly and wipe clean once a week. Eat simple meals like steamed veggies and a piece of meat with salt and pepper so you don’t have to spend time cooking. Cook for 2 days instead of daily.

    5. Do not procrastinate on an item ever. If you have an important task at hand that you need to complete so you can then study just focus on it. If a something else pops into your head that you feel is important. Note it down on your list, and forget about it because if it didn’t come up initially it is not as important as you think. Stay chronological and orderly. Refer to 3 above.

    • AussieDolphin on 08/03/2021 - 23:46
      +2

      Fantastic thoughts for coping. I'm honestly trying and don't want to fail. The course is so expensive too!

      • TheBilly on 08/03/2021 - 23:54
        +1

        Just create a realistic system, then a mindset to help you stick to it. You’ll be perfectly fine at the end. Giving up or slowing down is not even fun it’s depressing and unsatisfying.

        Double down and go harder.

        All it’s going to cost you is your effort that you control and own anyway. It’s not like dollars in the bank which will eventually run out needing a loan from somebody.

  • bgbrendan on 08/03/2021 - 23:58
    +2

    how old are your kids? if they are old enough they need to help with chores.
    also what are you studying? are there better/cheaper options? even part time that current workload doesn't seem manageable

    • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 00:24

      They do help around house :). The course a master's of social work is the same price at every university . If I studied internally the cost would be the same.

      • GourmetFoodie on 09/03/2021 - 15:16
        +2

        I don’t mean to be a negative nelly but you say you are a teacher right now? I’m not sure what kind of teacher but primary or secondary get paid well enough that you should be able to survive on that income. Many teachers I know also do tutoring gigs on the side for extra dollars.

        You say your masters is in social work? I don’t know any social worker who gets more than $60k a year unless they are a management executive. Are you sure this masters degree is worth the sacrifice long term from a financial perspective? I’m assuming the only reason you are doing it is to make more money long term?

        • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 19:00

          I am not at the top of the teaching pay scale yet and the career change is not driven by money. I think social work wages might vary by state.

          • GourmetFoodie on 09/03/2021 - 22:12
            +1

            @AussieDolphin: JMHO - I think you are doing your family a disservice if the change is not about money. Based on your post history you need to get your finances in order as the priority, not be chasing a career change for non financial reasons.

            • teacherer on 10/03/2021 - 15:07

              @GourmetFoodie: First time i've seen someone say money is more important than hapiness but there ya go

              • GourmetFoodie on 10/03/2021 - 18:46

                @teacherer: I don’t know how anyone can be happy if they can’t pay the bills mate. If you read the OP’s previous posts they are in weekly financial stress.

            • AussieDolphin on 11/03/2021 - 18:14

              @GourmetFoodie: Staying in this job or taking another one my financial status is the same because I PAY FOR ALL EXPENSES FOR THE CHILDREN that otherwise two parents would pay for. If I were to ever see 1 cent of child support it would be around 6K per year which would improve my situation a lot. The most recent huge expense is 8k braces for one child. Again, some people could get the braces for free if they're unemployed or on a very low income. In an ideal world two parents would be footing the bill. I foot the bills on my own, without any financial help ontop of my salary.

              • p1 ama on 11/03/2021 - 19:53
                -1

                @AussieDolphin:

                I PAY FOR ALL EXPENSES FOR THE CHILDREN that otherwise two parents would pay for. If I were to ever see 1 cent of child support it would be around 6K per year which would improve my situation a lot.

                I'm surprised that you've been continually bringing this up, not just in this thread, but in all of your previous threads about finances/money as well. Based on your posts, it seems that you and your ex-husband have divorced years ago, but somehow you're still letting this eat away at you. At some point, don't you think that continuing to go back to this time and time again is actually unhealthy for you?

                You should fight for your ex-husband to be responsible, that's for sure, but at some point, I do think that you have to move on. They are not "the" children, they are "your" children. It's a privilege to have children, to be able to raise them, to help them become good adults.

                In an ideal world two parents would be footing the bill. I foot the bills on my own, without any financial help ontop of my salary.

                In case you think I'm just harping on from a position of privilege, I grew up in a single income household where one parent was financially responsible for all of me and my siblings, we grew up in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in Melbourne where I witnessed homelessness, petty crime, drugs, where our car was broken into and where a family friend of ours was robbed at gunpoint at the train station.

                Not once did my parent who was financially raising us complain about how the other should be "chipping in more" or doing more. This is something I've carried into my own life too.

                We can talk about "ideal worlds" as much as we want. In an ideal world, we're all billionaires and none of this matters. Just having two parents isn't the end all and be all. Obviously you would know this.

              • coffeeinmyveins on 15/03/2021 - 14:17
                -1

                @AussieDolphin:

                Again, some people could get the braces for free if they're unemployed or on a very low income.

                Yes, and people without houses don't pay land tax or council rates - what's your point? If you want to get free braces then you're welcome to be unemployed, but this comes with other things I'm sure you're not wanting to take on board. What a weird point of view.

                I PAY FOR ALL EXPENSES FOR THE CHILDREN

                Not sure what the situation is, but child support isn't something people "opt into". If it was mandatory for your ex husband to pay, then shouldn't he be? and if it's not, then I think it's time to move on. As the person below said, it looks like this happened years ago and you're holding onto it..

                • AussieDolphin on 15/03/2021 - 19:39

                  @coffeeinmyveins: That's an assumption and nothing more. The divorce occurred a few years ago. Child support is not a new thing. He gets away paying it. He has tactics and for now I've exhausted what little energy I had left to fight it and further I'm not in a position to incur further legal costs. You're missing the point entirely about the braces situation. I DON'T WANT FREE BRACES because we don't qualify as I work and pay taxes like thousands of others.

  • Quantumcat on 09/03/2021 - 00:04
    +2

    Find a community of current and past students. They can tell you what's important to do and what isn't. For example I remember one of my subjects, IT ethics, I managed to pass (with a credit) by attending only the first and last of the online lectures and cramming based on the last lecture which was a recap of everything. And doing the weekly assignments which were pretty small. I am in a discord group for that degree and I tell all the new students that (though not anymore as the lecturer has changed). This way you can get away with minimum needed to pass. They can also be a great resource for discussing lectures and assignments, you might get things done more efficiently as they might say something you hadn't thought of yet or that would have taken you a while to think of. You also feel less alone if you talk to others experiencing similar things to you and who are also struggling for different reasons.

    I don't envy you. I was also working full time and doing either one or two subjects at a time and I really struggled. My job was flexible (flex time so I could leave early if I wanted and just make up the time on another day), and I had no kids to worry about. You've got a massive load on your shoulders and I sincerely wish you the very best!

    P.S. if the kids are not very little you should be expecting them to take up a lot of the slack in household chores. You can't possibly be expected to be picking up after them or remembering what they need to take to school etc.

  • spackbace on 09/03/2021 - 02:01
    +7

    Given this has been a continual thing (yes I've seen your name before and remember past discussions), can I suggest it might actually be a wise choice to ditch the study until the kids are out of the house, or financially self-sufficient?

    Teaching not only gives you an earlier finish than most jobs, but far more holiday time to spend with your kids. Despite the lack of income, you're actually missing out on fully being there for your kids by spreading yourself so thin. I bet you've been stressed, cranky, short tempered, and they'd see that.

    By scrapping the study you could also help with their homework too, and just generally spend more time with them.

    Put it this way, what's more important, the time with your kids now or studying to do another career? Is teaching really that bad an option for you for the next 10yrs or so till you're on your feet or the kids are earning some money to help out?

    Please tell me your daughter has some form of casual job, given your circumstances?

    • Quantumcat on 09/03/2021 - 09:55
      +3

      That's interesting. Doing a Masters part time that normally takes 2 years full time will take 4-8 years. If the daughter and son were 16 and 12 in 2019 they are 18 and 14 now. In 4-8 years they might have both moved out. Why waste the remainder of your kids' time at home by being super stressed and completely unavailable to them? You won't get a better job before they leave home so it isn't like you're doing them any kind of favour (even if you did, better to have a happy home life than a few extra material possessions).

      I had been picturing OP with like 6-10 year olds or so.

    • GourmetFoodie on 09/03/2021 - 15:46
      +2

      I commented up above about the fact I didn’t think your social work masters was a wise choice if it’s finances driving your decision making. Looking at your past posts you need to spend any spare time you have doing efficient side gigs to pay off your debt, not taking on more debt to do a degree with very little financial payoff.

      You need to pause your degree and start doing tutoring on the side. Cash in hand $50-80 bucks and hour or working at a tutoring centre should easily get you an extra couple hundred per week. I’m shocked you haven’t done this already?

      • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 18:55

        I live in an area saturated by tutors that's why.

        • GourmetFoodie on 09/03/2021 - 22:15
          +1

          Fair enough comment but I’m surprised as I’ve never met a tutor who couldn’t get work…just my experience and I come from a family of teachers and many friends that did tutoring gigs across all topics.

          If what you say is indeed true, I’d say you should look for another side gig to get your finances in order. You are in debt and struggling. Your priority should be earning as much as possible not career changing. Just giving an honest no BS opinion based on the facts you’ve shared. Wishing you the best.

    • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 18:57

      Hi, my daughter does have a casual job. I am unable to discuss my reasons for wishing to change careers. There's a lot of pages on Facebook that detail why teachers eventually move on.

      • spackbace on 09/03/2021 - 19:03
        +4

        But you're talking years before completing that degree. Years of expensive tuition, years of time spent studying rather than spending time with your kids and helping their upbringing.

        I've done the sole bread-winner thing before, essentially supporting 3 people (1 adult 2 kids), wasn't easy but unfortunately just had to grin and bear it. Job changes weren't an option while 3 people depend on you and your income.

        I just think you're biting off more than you can chew, for little reward. All that will suffer is your mental health. If you do have a mental breakdown brought on by the extra stress, you'll be out of work which will just make things worse for yourself, and the pressure will be insane.

        Your family needs you. Don't go taking on too much for little reward when it could send you deeper into the pit of despair.

        • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 19:13

          Not years, because I was thinking about studying full-time next year and had some ideas for income streams. I know what you're saying and as I'm feeling burnt out I will reconsider deferring until next year.

          • spackbace on 09/03/2021 - 19:26
            +2

            @AussieDolphin: If you're burnt out then something has to give, before you do

            • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 19:35

              @spackbace: My family tell me the same thing. I figured if I got more skills through some sort of training or course I would have more employment options somehow. I did the maths for dropping from 5 to 3 days work and the figures were so sad.

              • spackbace on 09/03/2021 - 19:37
                +5

                @AussieDolphin: If internet randoms, and your family, are all suggesting the same thing… Maybe it's advice you should heed before it's too late?

      • p1 ama on 10/03/2021 - 00:59
        +2

        I am unable to discuss my reasons for wishing to change careers. There's a lot of pages on Facebook that detail why teachers eventually move on.

        Ex-teacher, so I understand why you may wish to move on from teaching. However, I think you're taking a bit of liberty with how bad it is. At the end of the day, I understand that teaching is very bureaucratic, many schools are underfunded and oftentimes, you have to continually deal with people who don't know a thing about teaching telling you how to do your job, but it's (at least in my opinion) still a very good job with very decent (though perhaps not excellent) pay.

        However (and I say this most respectfully), I think there are some fundamental issues you need to sort out before trying to make such large changes in your life. From a previous post, you earn around $80,000 (https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/595611), which is more than the median income in Australia. I genuinely struggle to see how you are having so much financial trouble with that sort of income.

        The average family of 4 spends $4,030 per month (see https://www.precisionfunding.com.au/living-expenses-family-o…), given your oldest is 18 and can definitely be paying a lot of her own expenses (e.g. with a part time job), I think this number is pretty generous. That adds up to around $48,000, but realistically, I would say this is a high estimate. You're spending even more than that!

        If you're spending more than the average, that means that about half of your peers are spending less than you, I think it's a good opportunity to ask why that's the case.

        As an example, do you really need to be driving a brand new Hyundai Tuscon, which is what $35,000? (https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/391979). Do you really need to be spending hundreds of dollars on skincare (https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/488140)?…etc. FWIW, I know many people who earn more than you and wouldn't even think of purchasing a brand new car. E.g. my wife earns around the same as you do and she drives a $5000 beater Corolla that manages to move.

        Again, I'm not trying to be nasty, but I think these are all things you'll need to think about before switching careers otherwise you'll just be in a different job with the same problems.

        • AussieDolphin on 11/03/2021 - 18:11

          Thanks for doing the digging. You do realise that financial situations can change don't you? I'm glad your wife corolla is still running because mine died!

    • p1 ama on 10/03/2021 - 00:34
      +3

      Teaching not only gives you an earlier finish than most jobs, but far more holiday time to spend with your kids. Despite the lack of income, you're actually missing out on fully being there for your kids by spreading yourself so thin. I bet you've been stressed, cranky, short tempered, and they'd see that.

      I'd think twice about the "lack of income", teachers are actually very reasonably paid. Definitely not well-paid for their level of education, but definitely much more than enough to live a comfortable life.

      Source: https://www.education.vic.gov.au/hrweb/Documents/Salary-Teac…

      You'll generally be around $80k+ very quickly after you graduate and should be $90k+ after a few years. FWIW, given this is significantly higher than the median salary in Australia, (and also higher than the salary in social work, which is what OP wishes to move into). If you can't make ends meet with a salary above the median, I'd start questioning your spending, but that's just me.

      • AussieDolphin on 10/03/2021 - 22:14

        The children have two parents. Since you asked I pay for everything to do with children right down to clothing and shoes. My son has braces that cost 8K. Their dad doesn't pay a single cent. Is it really that hard to see why 80k looks glamorous on paper but not in reality? In your calculations take a few thousand off for my hecs debt as well. In an ideal world two working parents would be running one household and supporting the children equally.

    • AussieDolphin on 11/03/2021 - 20:12

      I'm not going to deconstruct your response. The, ours, mine, yours is irrelevant. I've referred to these same children as mine for a long time. Do you not think I've tried to fight for child support for OUR children???? If it was that simple and he wasn't a narcissist I would be getting it. I can't pay lawyers anymore.

      • spackbace on 11/03/2021 - 20:14

        I can only assume you're responding to the wrong person…

        • AussieDolphin on 11/03/2021 - 20:15

          I apologise it was a reply to P1 AMA.

  • Danstar on 09/03/2021 - 10:55
    +1

    How old are your kids?

    I'm a single parent work approx. 50 hours a week, start at 5am finish at 3pm, then my second full time job starts at 3.30pm….cooking, cleaning, home work lol

    It's tiring and sometimes I just want to be left alone, but in the end of the day, they're my kids and I love em' and one day they'll be 18 LOL

    • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 18:54

      Hi, my kids are 18, 13 and 10.

      • Danstar on 10/03/2021 - 06:00
        +1

        I hope your 18 year old has some sort of casual or part time work and doesn't expect you to pay for everything for them

  • saltypete on 09/03/2021 - 11:12
    +3

    Not a sole parent, but did a degree part time while working full time when my kids were school age.
    It is not at all easy and you need to be disciplined over a long period.
    I found that by segmenting the evening I was able to get stuff done. So the routine was home from work and do things with kids for dinner etc. Help with homework until 9 pm. After that I would go and do my degree work and was not to be disturbed unless emergency.
    Go to bed by 1am unless massive looming deadline.
    This way I could bank on 3 - 4 hrs of decent work per night weekdays and tried to ease off on weekends apart from reading.
    The other thing that really helped was to get a draft out for assignments as early as possible, ideally within a week or so of receiving it. This really helps you get ahead and means that if issues pop up you have something you can finish and get in without having to start from scratch at the last minute.
    I did for 5 years to get my science degree and got through sustainability.
    Don’t give up!!! If you have been doing it a while you can get through. Just take a day at a time.
    You are not sure about doing a placement - things WILL fall into place.
    You will never work as hard as finishing your Masters, but you can do it. 👍

  • lew380 on 09/03/2021 - 16:52
    -4

    There is a solution, and it's called marriage. Perhaps also marriage counselling.

    • jv on 09/03/2021 - 16:56
      +2

      There is a solution, and it's called marriage.

      Huh ????

    • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 18:53

      What's this got to do with my question?

      • lew380 on 10/03/2021 - 09:28

        You can't do the work of two people, it's not a complex problem. You either need a second parent or scale your work load back. Marriage gets treated like a game in this society, easily started and easily ended. Yet the consequences are huge, your basically a slave to the state for the next 20 years just to survive. I can't judge why your marriage ended, but for the general population, its usually just miscommunication coupled with laziness. I know from my own marriage that it takes a lot of work and commitment, to understand and accept differences.

        • spackbace on 10/03/2021 - 14:12
          +3

          I can't judge why your marriage ended

          Yet then proceeds to talk about it anyway.

          Out of line there… You don't know if OP has divorced due to an abusive marriage etc. Those don't need "working on," they need the abused party to get the hell away from it all.

          Don't be so presumptuous, and don't just suggest OP "gets married", or stays married. No one deserves to be in a miserable relationship.

          • AussieDolphin on 10/03/2021 - 18:38

            @spackbace: Happily divorced from a cheater.

          • lew380 on 10/03/2021 - 21:36
            -1

            @spackbace: I talked about marriage in general, I think I made that very clear if you read it through. Marriage is still the greatest good in the world, even if many bad apples, and societal norms try to destroy any good they can find.

            • Danstar on 10/03/2021 - 22:43

              @lew380:

              Marriage is still the greatest good in the world

              Lolz

              Are you religious ?

              • lew380 on 11/03/2021 - 08:24
                -3

                @Danstar: Religious or not, kids from single household parents fill up prisons and dole registrars almost exclusively. You would think that some connection exists, from the lack of a two parent household. It's apparent, we all know its true but almost banned from suggesting it, this world is full of clowns.

                Yes I am religious, thanks for your concern, "lolz" ??

                • Danstar on 11/03/2021 - 10:16
                  +2

                  @lew380: I'm a single parent and have been since my kids were 5 and 3. They're now 12 and 10. My 12 year old got in to the advanced class in his first year of high school and my youngest in my opinion, will get into the same class when he starts high school as I think he is more advanced then my eldest at the same age.

                  There are probably just as many households with 2 parents whos kids 'fill up prisons and dole registrars'.

                  There are also many religious zealots who might not be in prison, but do far worse things in life ;)

                • p1 ama on 11/03/2021 - 11:44

                  @lew380:

                  Yes I am religious, thanks for your concern, "lolz" ??

                  lolz

                • p1 ama on 11/03/2021 - 14:36
                  -1

                  @lew380:

                  Religious or not, kids from single household parents fill up prisons and dole registrars almost exclusively. You would think that some connection exists, from the lack of a two parent household. It's apparent, we all know its true but almost banned from suggesting it, this world is full of clowns.

                  The issue is that this misses the point (really confusing correlation with causation) - I completely agree that kids from single parent households end up worse off on average. However, I question your conclusion that this is the direct result of their single parent upbringing and I also question your conclusion that if somehow their parents were to get married (or stay married) that they would end up significantly better off.

                  From what I can see, the reasons why single parent kids end up in bad places is because single parents tend to be much poorer, have much less financial stability and are generally (on average) less supported than their married counterparts. This (IMO) is a genuine problem that needs to be explored more closely, including how to better support disadvantaged kids from dual parent households as well, because you seem to be narrowing down a complex problem into something that sounds simple.

                  If you've read the actual research on this that does the multivariate analysis (as opposed to relying on religious doctrine) then you'd probably be aware that once you control for many socio-economic variables, the relationship between single parent + outcomes later in life are much smaller and far less significant. I'm always advocating for the use of statistics, but use them correctly. Direct comparisons of means between two groups are almost always a bad comparison unless the selection into those groups is random (i.e. a clinical trial, for instance).

                  • lew380 on 13/03/2021 - 12:10
                    -1

                    @p1 ama: I understand what your saying, people can overcome adversity and there should be no barriers for anyone to succeed in life if they have the drive and determination. That's true for exceptional people, but the average Joe just moulds into the society and lifestyle they were raised in. Its a close approximation of a normal distribution, you can be an outlier, but many factors govern the distribution and that effects most individuals.

                    Your assuming that all I've read is the bible and the daily priest news, your judmental nature and prejudice is disturbing.

                    You mention multivariate analysis and then dismiss them entirely. Of course its complicated, but all these factors link to the unique situation of single parent households. Fatherless housholds, relative poverty, finacial instability and so on. They all contribute and each is EXTREMELY hard to control. Simply giving them money doesn't help, substitution fathers is problematic. There is no way to effectively solve the problem other than fortify marriages in the first place. Solve the problem at the root rather than create chaos and try to put it back together.

                    We have a society that basically begs men to be unfaithful, flooded with porn and hookup apps. Single parenthood is enshrined (I'm not doubting the strength and courage of single parents but it can't be encouraged), and marriages are treated by professionals as disposable once they get challenging. The problem needs to be addressed at a higher order than just forking out money into a chaotic pit with no real expectation of change.

                    I would link some stats but its so overwhelming I don't think it's necessary. I'm not aware of any government grants or projects that have made any significant differences that would last.

        • AussieDolphin on 10/03/2021 - 18:37

          My ex husband tore our family apart because he cheated on me.

  • [Deactivated] on 09/03/2021 - 18:40
    +3

    Based off your post history it seems you're a teacher. Assuming custody and stuff isn't an issue have you considered taking a country teaching position and drop to part time? The higher income + allowances will offset the drop to part time and more. You can then also rent out your current property or terminate the lease for the current property. The negatives are living country and your children needing to move schools/liftestyle change. However, it might be worth it if it's only for a couple years till you finish studying.

  • AussieDolphin on 09/03/2021 - 18:51
    +1

    Your ideas would be possible if we didn't have custody issues and a child with additional needs. Thank you.

  • kranix on 09/03/2021 - 19:19
    +2

    I'm in a similar situation, although not as difficult as yours. Here are a few suggestions based on my experience.

    Be clear on your finances, both incoming and outgoings. Draw up a budget. Get your debts under control. Do this right now, before you start taking risks. Consider seeing a financial counsellor/planner (there are free ones for people in distress). If you can plan ahead, you can take some temporary measures. For instance, you could switch your mortgage (if you have one) to interest-only for a few years, but only if you are confident you'll be in a stronger position to pay later. Good on you for investing in yourself. Like any investment, there may be additional costs. Again, if you're confident you'll be in a stronger financial position later, you could borrow for now to get you through this difficult period.

    Consider reducing your responsibilities to give you more rest time and peace of mind. I found a person through care.com to take care of a lot of my housework. It's been an absolute godsend, but I acknowledge that I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford it (for now at least).

    • Transparent on 22/04/2021 - 07:23

      Hi, off topic but I remember you following that crowd WUUK crowd funding site. They seemed to have stopped taking orders.
      Did you ever receive your doorbell? Any good?
      Just curious.
      thanks

      • kranix on 22/04/2021 - 10:19

        The doorbell did arrive and it seemed to work OK. I also bought their angle mount and it didn't turn out as advertised. It meant that I couldn't mount it well on my wall, so I didn't bother. They did give me a refund on that when I complained. But I'm still out of pocket for the doorbell.

        On the whole, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. It seems to work well for some people but many others have experienced issues. If you're going to drill holes in your house, it should be for something reliable.

        It's been a long time since Wuuk came out and there are other options out there.

  • bargain huntress on 10/03/2021 - 16:24
    +1

    So my questions and comments are going to be possibly too blunt and possibly too personal - so I in no way expect you to write answers to them; you don't have to defend yourself to me or anyone.
    the reason I'm going to write them is so you might think about them but that's up to you.
    Also you're being cautious about sharing too much information which is good, but it does make it a bit confusing and harder to offer advice - but that's just the way the internet is.

    tldr
    there's 24 hours in a day
    no one has any magic solution

    Thing to think about 1:

    Are you a co-parent sharing custody and therefore time, care and financial responsibility and possibly recieving child support?
    OR
    Are you a solo-parent who has all or the vast majority of the time, care and financial responsibility for the children?

    And either way is getting the other parent/s to kick in more money or time or care an option? You have some legal rights there I think.

    2:

    Can you reduce your expenses and therefore your income? a few others like p1ama have asked this so i wont go on. You're on a very decent income, something must be going very wrong with your budget for you to be struggling so badly financially.
    (I dream of a teachers income range. and yes i also dream of more than that too.)

    How much is enough?

    3:
    Your studies and career change is not to improve your financial problems, or to help your family; it's a personal desire - perhaps a dream? - that is making your financial problems worse.
    both in the short term; the cost of the masters, the cost of reducing your income if you cut down at work.
    and should you succeed it will continue to do so; the lower income of a social worker.
    it's also costing time with your children and your health.

    i don't think you should give up on your desire or dream. but does it need to be delayed until your children have grown and / or you are in a better financial position?

    would the best thing for your family and for you be to be a teacher for the next 8 years, and then persue being a social worker?

    • AussieDolphin on 10/03/2021 - 22:07

      Hello, my children are in shared care. I carry all financial responsibilities for them and I do not receive child support. The new career is a dream and from the research I've done and social workers I know they have some sort of work/life balance i have none.

  • Jim341 on 11/03/2021 - 12:49
    +1

    That's tough. Hang in there

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