What to Do with Bullying?

My Y2 son is suffering from being bullied by his 4-5 classmates weeks and bullies don’t let him tell teachers. I’ll update some details soon.

My son wrote "X did it a week ago he did ponching kicking squeezing my neck and scratching me and last but certainly not the least he kicked me on the peanus and nearly took my clothes of!😢"

What and how can I do to solve this?

UPDATE 11/6/21:

I had a catchup with the principal. She and the room teacher did the initial investigation. It was a game cop/prisoner but became rough later. She talked with all related children and they apologized to my son. The game is not allowed anymore. Their parents will get notified as well. We booked a follow-up catchup the week after. Thanks for all your comments.

Comments

  • +52 votes

    some might suggest bikies. I say request to meet his teachers and bring it up to their attention. Schools have strict no bullying policy.

    •  

      Some suggest bikies on issues that are not resolvable, the bullying of your child can be resolved at the school level.

      • +3 votes

        Did someone suggest bikies?

        • +4 votes

          My only suggestion is not to use an0m

  • +24 votes

    i know i will get negged but i always teach my 13months old Son never ever hit anyone but if someone hits you first, hit back harder.

    Those were the days where parents should teach their kids to become saints.

    Teach your owns to fight back

    •  

      I'm 50/50 on this.
      I have an infant son, and while I dont want him to hit others, I also don't want him to be a (profanity) cat and grow up a wuss.

      So it's only natural to fight back. That's human instinct. Agree being the initiator is not correct, but need to have some strength to protect yourself.

      Even a little push back is ok, doesn't have to be a full wind up swing to the face. Haha

      • +26 votes

        The key word here is infant Honestly spending the last 21months observing my little one and his peers, their instinct at this age is not to fight back. Save teaching your little person about the appropriate use of force until they have some understanding of consequences and theory of mind etc. At this age teaching any kind of retaliation is just teaching that behaviour.

        • +6 votes

          the context of my reply was about him growing up, not actually teaching him at infancy to start hitting. LOL

          • +3 votes

            @yellowfever: Not sure why you’re getting negged. It’s pretty clear you’re talking about as he grows up, not as an infant :p

          • +2 votes

            @yellowfever: That’s reassuring. fredfloresjr is talking about encouraging an infant to hit back… from 10months.

    • +30 votes

      you are teaching your owns 13 month infant to hit people? ok sure…..

      • +3 votes

        r/that happened

        • +11 votes

          What are you trying to say?

          Once he got into a fight with Tom Cruise, then Tom just gave up and handed in a $100 note and everyone cheered!

      •  

      • +2 votes

        Kiddie fight club

    • +20 votes

      There is a time and place for self defence, but at 13months old is reckless.

    • +24 votes

      13months…hit back harder?

      My approaching 2yo has just been through the phase where some of his peers hit, bite, pull the hair of other bubs (he reserved this for his parents but has mostly stopped). The solution for both tots at this age is to redirect them to another activity. An apology from the parent of the hitter, perhaps a firm but calm “no” and comfort if needed for the hitee, not too much attention or drama in general. teaching an infant to “hit back” is teaching an infant to hit This could have negative consequences later on if they are learning to hit before they understand the social nuances.

      There’s some useful info here about responding to these behaviours in toddlers of different ages https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/common-con...

    • -9 votes

      u sound like a pacifist. taught never to hit anyone in anger… unless you're absolutely sure u can get away with it. 😂

    • -2 votes

      I totally understand other parents and respect your way of raising your kids. Sorry but that is how I want my little one to be when he grew up. I can still remember his orientation day last year at his Montessori when he was 10 months old (he's already walking yes), the 17 months old boy shoved him to the floor. I saw my boy got up and hit back with a toy car. I feel proud for him as he knows when to hit back. I do not want to be in the position of some parents like OP. I will take all the negative comments and repercussions now than to have withdrawn and scared kids. Sorry but we are living in a cruel world. Again, MY KID MY WAY. Have a great day to all.

      Edit: I used to worked as a nurse in mental health for juvenile and knows exactly how worst bullying can affect kids. I witnessed as young as 8 years old becoming suicidal. How many kids patient just wanting to stay on one corner of their room shaking and staring on the wall. How many kids as early as 7 need to undergo Psychiatric treatment. If only they all have been thought to fight back there would be no patients like them.

      • +11 votes

        How do you know the kids who were bullied and receiving psychiatric care weren’t being bullied by someone who learned to hit as mechanism to deal with difficult situations and their emotions?

        Absolutely your kid your way, maybe just consider other ways to boost their self esteem and emotional resilience. https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understand... hitting is a fairly rudimentary way of coping with adversity, and all of our little ones are going to need to learn how to walk away and be upset without resorting to violence. Being the bully can also put children at risk of mental illness and isolation from their peers, which is very often the outcome of poor self esteem and not having the internal resources to deal with difficult emotions.

    • +1 vote

      Teaching your infant son that violence is ok is a terrible idea.

      • +2 votes

        THIS IS SPARTA - @fredfloresjnr, maybe.

    • +4 votes

      option 1) hit back—>so make your son/daughter think fighting is justified
      option 2) don't hit back and teach your son/daughter the best revenge is to live a happy life.

      i choose option 2
      (you never know how things will escalate if you hit back- 90% of the time it is fine, that 10% it may cause serious injury.
      I guess ultimately in 1-2 years or heck 1-2months, would you remember that you lost face or would you remember that you are disabled because of a fight you could have just backed down?

      It takes a kid to punch back, but a man to resist.

      •  

        Bullying in highschool can leave life-long trauma in this generation of kids.

        Hitting back, depending on a million factors, can be valid. Dulles once implemented a policy(USA) where they should use massive force to retaliate in order to deter any future hostile actions.

        It makes sense, because even the dumbest animals on this planet will understand pain and suffering, and avoid it.

    •  

      May be work in the past, but school nowadays have a strict policy on student welfare, even if the child was at risk of harm at home, the school has the obligation to report to authority. My advice is to express your concern to the principal, which is already stated in the update above. Students needed to be taught explicitly how to respect people. Many may assume kids at that age know what is right or wrong, surprisingly many needed to be explicitly taught and told, even if common sense dictate you should treat others on how you should be treated.

    • +1 vote

      Btw, if the kid hit back to the perpetrator in the school, he or she may gain some reputation, both the perpetrator and the victim who punched back will get suspension.

      •  

        Oh what?
        I thought the victim gets a free pass if they hit back? They did in my day (now I sound old)

  • +5 votes

    literally one post before this is the answer

    https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/629632

    • +2 votes

      this ^ or sign them up to jiu jitsu classes explain to them the situation and for they will help your and teach your son something really important this is where your son will learn how to de-escalate a potential conflict They'll also learn how to subdue a larger opponent without injuring them. This can be an important skill to have: Not all bullying situations need harming the bully.

      •  

        Oss!

  • +3 votes

    and last but certainly not the least

    He knows what this is in Yr 2?

  • +5 votes

    What and how can I do to solve this? If the Bullies don't let him tell the teachers . By the way they should be aware of the environment and pick up the happenings . I'd book or go directly to the Principle with details and dates of what happened .

  • +58 votes

    I have the “one punch” rule with my kids (admittedly high school).
    I told them they had one hit, make it count, save it till you need it.
    But if you take the hit I will 100% support you, turn up at the principal’s office demanding to know what the hell is wrong with the school that they allow so much bullying that my kid was forced to violence.
    Really Karen that stuff.

    My eldest was a little regretful she never used her hit, when she finished school.
    Number 2 is 5 months away from finishing high school without using the hit.

    I think it shows your kids you are 100% behind them, allows them to deal with bullying in a way that can “break the glass” if the pressure ever becomes too much, and that you understand that schools don’t have all the answers and as they grow up they need to stand up and make hard decisions - but also means they need to understand violence isn’t some way to deal with long term issues, even if others are using violence on you.

    But it gives your kids power to decide how every bully incident ends, and gives them the self confidence to take the high road because they can always fall back to the low road if they really need to.

    Not sure what I will do if my Yr7 kids takes a swing early, but it is working so far.

    • +4 votes

      Will screenshot this and tell my boy when he’s old enough.

      •  

        Same! This is awesome

      • +2 votes

        Unless your child has a fair bit of oomph behind that one punch, then one punch is usually never enough.

        One punch is enough to make another person angry and start to fight back. Your small child has just challenged his/her bully in a crowd. The bully needs to keep their rep intact!

        So it's best to throw 3-5-10 punches and kicks or however many until you've inflicted a heap of damage so you can get away.

        If they're in a group and you think you're gonna get jumped by more than one, then fight dirty and grab ears, poke eyes, kick nuts, grab inner thigh and twist, foot stomp the instep of their foot etc

        Anyway, that's what I was taught by my brother and he came up in Sydney in the early 80s. It was a bit rough back then for Chinese kids.

    • +27 votes

      Did you also recommend they do: 100 sit-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 squats, and a 10 kilometer run every day for 3 years?

      That would lead to some pretty insane results.

      • +3 votes

        I don't really understand this comment. If you're implying they would be at risk of a beating from another school kid, well, yeah, but they already are if they are being bullied.

        As I say, my kids haven't used it, so I think it is more psychology than about fistfights. When I was at school the bullies weren't some cut athletes. They were just other kids trying to cement their place in the teenage acceptance/popularity stakes.

        But if my kids want to be super fit and strong, fantastic, just probably a side issue to some school playground bullying.

        • +8 votes

          It’s a One Punch Man reference.
          Dude allegedly became a superhero following that training regime.

          • +9 votes

            @zonra: Lol. Old person fail. One of the kids read all the comics too, so I should have got that

      • +2 votes

        You are allowed one banana. No AC.

        •  

          whens your next season coming out?

    • +2 votes

      My old man told me this (or similar) when I was getting bullied in the 90's.

      Definitely worth knowing that I had the support to make my own decisions.

    • +2 votes

      "one punch" is not going to be the end of any bullying.

      If you beat that crap out of a bully then yeah that will probably work, but if you're actually able to do that the bully probably wouldn't be picking on you in the first place.

      •  

        disagree with the second part. In order to boost their ego / show off bullies often pick bigger targets that naturally more peaceful, imagine big kind, perhaps, nerdy kid.
        can that bigger kid beat the the bully - sure as. Would he - not always, intimidation and moral pressure from little angry mofo often paralyses the victim. source: personal experience.

        • +8 votes

          Maybe sometimes, but in all my years of school the bullies almost always picked on the smaller quiet kids.

      • +4 votes

        The idea isn’t to stop bullying through a punch, but to give kids more confidence in dealing with it themselves.
        If you are being bullied and you feel helpless and your parents have always told you to turn the other cheek or violence is not the answer you might feel very helpless.
        And if you are a good kid you might be very afraid of doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble at school.

        But knowing you have your parent’s backing might give you more confidence to stand up to a bully, and make you less of a target.

        Certainly when I was at school the bullies picked the kids offering the least in defence and confidence. Most kids don’t get bullied or don’t get bullied much because they have characteristics that make them harder to bully.
        The one punch rule takes the worry that the kid will be in trouble at home if they need to retaliate, and reduces the worry of being in trouble at school because they know they will have a parent on their side.

        shrug It seems to have worked so far for my kids, and I don’t really know any other effective anti-bully strategies.

    •  

      how would you know? i was in a few fights as a kid and my parents never found out, simply because no one snitched

    •  

      Out of curiosity, at what age did you explain this to your children? I really like this though, so thank you!

      •  

        When bullying came up in high school. Probably Y7 but maybe Yr8.
        I think the first time was talking about another kid getting bullied i.e. not one of my kids

        •  

          That makes a lot of sense, amazing rule though.

    •  

      Did someone say One Punch?

    • +3 votes

      The problem is one punch is enough to kill someone. I am all for fighting back, but the lesson you should be teaching your kid is to avoid it except as a last resort as the consequences even when you are not the aggressor can be very serious.

      FYI, I was not afraid to retaliate when I was in school, I also put someone in hospital as a kid when my one hit retaliation hit him in the temple area. I was lucky (as was the kid I hit).

  • +19 votes

    He's in year 2 and you're even hesitating going to teachers about verbal and physical bullying? Jees if my kid couldn't stand up to them physically (maybe outnumbered or smaller) I'd be questioning why the teachers haven't seen the shit happen.

    I wouldn't have come to a bargain forum for advice

    • +19 votes

      I just knew it tonight and sent a message to the teacher and will see her tomorrow.

      Also checked school policies and will book a time with the principal.

      I don't think it's just a bargain forum.

      • +8 votes

        It sounds like you’re doing the right things. Also make sure your son feels supported.

        Some useful info here about how to talk with him and the teacher
        https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/school-learning/bu...

      • -1 vote

        Yes here you have to stand up to the bullies. Nasty people out there

      •  

        You will be surprised to find there are many teachers using this forum. You came to the right place.

      • +1 vote

        Update above, great to see it resolve, all schools have a duty of care for students. School also had teachers supervising after school when students are crossing the road to leave school. I know for these issues, it is sometimes hard to know where to seek advice, this forum, using the power of anonymity become a starting point for you. Bullying has a big impact on the social development of children, it is great you discovered early and your child speaks to you. It would have been harder if the child does not tell you what's happening at his school, and imagine finding out after a big event that result in something permanent, no amount of apology will bring back….

      •  

        As you only discovered tonight, my advice to any parent out there, please talk to your child regularly to find out what's happening at school, if something you feel is not right, talk to school to prevent problems escalated to the point where your child got hit.

  • +8 votes

    How about instead of posting this on a bargain site you have a conversation/send an email to the teacher….they most likely don't even know it is happening if it's outside of the classroom. The teacher will then sort them out - they are 7 year olds not hardened criminals.

  • +12 votes

    This seems like exactly the right forum to address this. Tell him to stay away from peanus though, anaphylaxis is a problem these days.

  •  

    Ring the school?

    Besides the peanus where was your son bullied?… in class or in the playground?

    If its in class YOU letting the teacher know might help the teacher pick it up.

    If its in the playground YOU telling the Principal will provide strategies for your son; like hanging around the teacher on playground duty for example.

    Either place you need inform the school so they can provide support.

    If nothing changes then get their names and try to ring the students parents up (it may be hard to get phone numbers); use school photos to identify the students.

    • -1 vote

      Yeah the problem with crying to the authorities to fix all your problems is that there will always be times when the bullies will get to you. It is also degrading to your kids having to be 'babysat' by a teacher whenever they go out. Teach your kids to stand up to the bullies, usually a short sharp punch on the nose is all it takes to stop them for ever. Bullies hate people who stand up to them.

      • +3 votes

        These are children in Year 2.

        The bullies need to be brought in to line now (taught; through consequences) by teachers and parents and indeed other students that it’s not okay.

        •  

          Sure. But in the meantime…….???
          You are focussing on the bullies and not the long term health of the victim.

          •  

            @EightImmortals: You're not focusing on the long term health of the victim by teaching them to punch their problems away.

            •  

              @KiKH: Oh, you're one of 'those'. Firstly, one or two 'punches' now would probably solve that particular problem for life. Or would you prefer the kids to be on the receiving end of the punches for a long time along with the mental and emotional damage that come with it? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

              "A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once. "

              •  

                @EightImmortals: I didn't say any of that. Teaching your kids to solve their problems without punching would be better for the long term mental health of the victims. It's a coward's way out to just take the easy road out by punching people when you're angry.

                •  

                  @KiKH: Except you wouldn't be would you? It would be a controlled physical response done out of the necessity for self defence. If the OP sends their kid to kids karate like I suggested they will also learn not to strike in anger…unless they go to Cobra Kai of course. Some problems CAN be solved with a quick punch, as I said, and I NEVER said that this was the solution to ALL problems. Nor should it be.

                  • +1 vote

                    @EightImmortals: I see your point. I talk the talk, but if I'm ever in a do or die situation, I don't know what I'd do.

                    •  

                      @KiKH: No worries, if you can avoid or escape such situations that is your best option, but sometimes you can't. :)

  • +1 vote
    • +4 votes

      yes, I would expect the SAS not to kick non-aggressors on the peanus

      •  

        But he had this on his peanus /holds up radio

  • +6 votes

    As a prior victim of bullying myself, when my kids were young I told them quite plainly to ignore the worlds idiots and that if they weren't being jerks to them then they are being jerks to someone else and 'most' of them will grow out of it eventually. BUT if anyone started getting physical then they had my permission to defend themselves and anyone else who needed defending and I don't care what the school said, I would support my kids as long as they didn't start the violence. We never had any issues.

    I also sent them to kids karate twice a week and I think that was a HUGE help in giving them the confidence and self-assurance they needed to rise above mere childish taunts and also to look after themselves if things did get physical. Seriously, look around your area for someone who does kids karate (or similar) and get your kids there straight away, you will be glad that you did.

  • +4 votes

    This is more than bullying, this is assault, and is a crime. This thug needs to be identified and your child needs to be protected, Also enroll your child in tae kwan do

    • -6 votes

      Assault is not a crime below age ten.

      • +1 vote

        Well it's still assault, it's just that the kid under 10 won't have any responsibility.

        The school however, will still have its duty of care to all children.

        •  

          It's not a crime. I don't know why I get the downvotes lol, I didn't write the law.

          •  

            @trapper: …. you got downvoted because facts are not valued in this place.

          •  

            @trapper: Whether or not it's a crime is irrelevant. The assaults happened on school grounds and the school has policies directed towards keeping kids safe.

            Now the school has been made aware of these assaults upon the op's child, they can take action. The child and the bullies can be taught about some valuable lessons regarding how to treat other kids and how to respond to such violence.

            There's probably going to be continuing issues going forward, but at least this behaviour had now been notified and it can be addressed.

            Any plan going forward can account for how nice or how crap the bulky kids will be in the future.

            •  

              @ankor:

              Whether or not it's a crime is irrelevant.

              Of course it's relevant, people should not be falsely accusing children of crimes. If they do, I will correct them.

              Look I agree with you in principle about bullying. It is unacceptable and teachers should be doing more to maintain a safe school free of bullying.

              But it is not a crime.

  • +7 votes

    Enrol him in martial arts

    •  

      It's a good idea generally, but I don't think it solves group bullying.
      When I went to school; if anything, the martial arts kids often got bullied more :(

      •  

        I often watch tv of people appearing in talk show, some said they were bullied at school, many seems to share the same story, after high school, they see these bullies again in the street or other places, bullies always say they can't remember the past.

  • +1 vote

    You're not in a helpless situation; you're the parent, and it's not like the bullies are gonna come and get you. Would be well advised to yes, ring the school and tell your son's teachers about this bullying issue.

  • +1 vote

    Talk. To. The School.

    Most schools (at least in Victoria) take bullying very seriously, report it and they should take action.

  • +1 vote

    Tell the school, but also…

    This is where traditional martial arts can be useful. Lots of emphasis on discipline, respect, brotherhood/sisterhood and not hurting people. Knowing when we are training and when we are fighting. Knowing we never want to be fighting.

    Lots of emphasis on assertively issuing commands, yelling for help/attention, hands up in a defensive frame. That's plenty for year 2, don't even need to teach them to hit anything.

    Depends on your kid, sometimes kids fall into being the one a bigger group picks on, other times they slide into it not being assertive 1 too many times.

  •  

    I scrolled through all the suggestions.

    Most suggesting fighting, however, this is 4-5 on 1. So, suggesting martial arts is dangerous as it can escalate fights to blood, broken bones and broken peanus. Teach him how to run instead when faced with a group.

    School authorities is good advice.

    Where are your son's friends? Are your son's friends good people? ( ie that won't abandon him?) Or his friends are the bullies?

    Continue being there for your son.

    • +1 vote

      The martial arts suggestions are not so he can go 4-5 on 1 and start breaking bones lol

      Almost any martial art will teach basic self-defence and confidence. How to not panic, how to defend and protect yourself properly, how to escape from different types of grips and holds etc.

      •  

        Do a street boxing class, often run for kids in BJJ gyms. They'll teach your kids how to shout a warning and keep their distance; keep their hands up without provoking further aggression; move away / sideways, particularly from charges / takedown attempts; escape; protect their head; push forward to create space if an attacker closes and they can't get away; get up safely; to land jabs, hooks, uppercuts and body shots if they really have to; and eventually how to get out of grips and holds holds.

        A lot of other "martial arts" teach blind obedience to an instructor and pointless drills, patterns and kata. First time a real aggressor walks towards them, doesn't keep a convenient distance away, starts punching and doesn't stop (or even just gives them a really hard shove and knocks them over), they're done for. The confidence from that lovely coloured belt earned by miming punches that end six inches away from an immobile opponent will be completely unjustified.

        •  

          Judo or BJJ is the best for kids imho. Self defence is the focus, young kids don't need to be learning any striking.

  • +1 vote

    Raze hell util your kid isn't bullied any more.

  • +1 vote

    This bully needs to be punished

  • +2 votes

    Went through a similar situation where my kids were being bullied - it was handled so abysmally that we pulled them out of the school and put them in a catholic school (not everyone is lucky enough to have this option).

    My suggestions:
    - Keep a log of every bullying incident - our last school tried to tell us that 18mths of physical assault was not considered bullying
    - Don't blame your child for not reporting every incident….they probably don't feel like they are in a safe space, or they know nothing will come of their complaint
    - encourage your child to report every incident (if they are able to), otherwise do it for them. The school may say that they can't do anything if the child doesn't report it, which your reply should be that your child doesn't feel safe enough to report these incidents, or that they feel that are not being heard
    - Teachers are probably aware, but are unlikely to do anything (from my experience)
    - Email your communications to the school to keep a paper trail (even if they don't reply via email)
    - You can complain to Dept of Education if you feel like you're not getting anywhere with the school

    I also told my kids that if the bullies hit you, hit them back, because the school knows about it and they are not doing anything.

    Excuses that the school made:
    - "it's not bullying unless it is targeted and happens regularly" (I'm sorry? 18mths of reported incidents is not enough?)
    - "we didn't know" (really? numerous emails from me and phone calls and you didn't know?)
    - "the principal didn't share this information with us (the rest of the staff) before she left" (how is this even an excuse? I spoke to different staff members about these incidents)
    - "they should report every incident" (yep, they have reported almost every incident to the teacher on duty)
    - "oh? they have been reporting the incidents? well, the playground incident system doesn't send us reports or anything…we don't have oversight on the system" (how is this my problem?)
    - "<the bully> is just trying to play with them, he doesn't know that he is being rough" (wtf)

    I have been in your situation and sympathize. I hope it works out for you.

    Also, what someone else said….Karen the shit out of it. Make sure you are heard, it's your child's wellbeing at stake.