How Much Maternity Leave Should I Take?

Mia03 on 20/07/2022 - 17:41

I am 30 years old with a stable full-time job and a supportive partner. We have been together for 10 years and I am currently 3+ months pregnant with our first child.

I will get about 20 weeks of paid maternity leave (from my employer plus gov) and my partner will get another 2 weeks. Realistically, we can manage money-wise for up to 2 years without much strain on our daily lives (we have both worked and saved a lot over the last 10 years).

What length of maternity leave would be optimal for bonding with our baby and having a balanced life?

How much leave did you or your partner take, would you do things differently if you could?

Poll Options expired

  • 2
    No leave
  • 2
    Other
  • 3
    3 months
  • 3
    1.5 years
  • 3
    2 years
  • 6
    6 months
  • 6
    9 months
  • 33
    2+ years
  • 109
    1 year
Education & Work

Comments

  • Hybroid on 20/07/2022 - 17:47
    +7

    Most mothers at work take 9 months to 1 year off. No one takes more than that. 2 years is unheard of for me.

    This is really a personal decision though so depends on you, your partner, your arrangement and agreements. Doesn't really matter what others have done if it doesn't suit your personal circumstances.

  • Dean29 on 20/07/2022 - 17:48
    +2

    What length of maternity leave would be optimal for bonding with our baby and having a balanced life?

    How much leave did you or your partner take, would you do things differently if you could?

    Which question is the poll for?

  • meowsers on 20/07/2022 - 17:50
    +23

    As much as you need.

    • Switchblade88 on 20/07/2022 - 18:03
      +4

      +1

      If you need more, take more. Conversely, if your child is happy and settled at a good daycare and you want to rejoin the workforce, feel free to end your leave earlier.

      I wish I could have taken more leave, but I never had that option available - if you have the choice either way, it's yours to make!

  • bobbified on 20/07/2022 - 18:06
    +22

    The time you spend with your baby, while they're a baby, is priceless. Take as much time as you can afford.

  • Baa on 20/07/2022 - 18:13
    +2

    We currently have a 5 month old and are older (38 and 35), to avoid the pressure and worry about going back to the workforce in a senior capacity my wife took her parental leave payments and explained (before commencing leave) that she would not be returning.

    Coming to terms with losing an income is the hardest part, but it does go by so fast - so take the time you can afford to be off.

    • Ggggggggg on 21/07/2022 - 21:02

      Good on you guys, enjoy the special time with bub. It's priceless

  • TooSerious2 on 20/07/2022 - 18:20
    +15

    It's great that you have a choice. We were in the same position 19 years ago - both 31.

    My wife never resumed her science career, which I know she regrets. But we have four great kids that reflect her best qualities and that is incomparable.

    Returning to work has been hard and her former career is gone. She works in a school science lab and likes it but the pay is poor with no progression.

    Would we change choices? No. But the consequences were probably greater than we expected.

    • lew380 on 21/07/2022 - 14:39
      +4

      Something to consider that in the long term, when your wife goes to retire, the loyalty to the workplace will be a cake and a plaque and she will replaced in 24hrs and largely forgotten. Whereas the effort that she put into raising those kids, ensuring they have good work attitudes and a respect for their families, means more grand kids and stable families for the future. Not saying that working mums cant also have successful children, but you get out what you put in, in general.

  • djones145 on 20/07/2022 - 18:24
    +8

    reassess after you have the kid
    I year many things can change
    from recession, inflation and rising interest rates

    also alot of people say they will go back to work after 3 months, then take 2 years off lol.

    things chnage after you have the kid

    enjoy

    and

    SLEEP NOW AS YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN
    well maybe until he turns 2 to 3 lol

    ps get sleep

    • whitelie on 20/07/2022 - 18:30
      -1

      All our kids have slept through the night (6:30-7pm until 6:30-7:30am) from around 6-8 months so it's not always the case. Get less sleep running around after the bigger kids, taking them to school, picking them up from work, sporting events etc.

      • kawinuyo on 20/07/2022 - 23:46
        +3

        Didn't neg you but good for you, I think your kids are more the exception than the rule though…..

  • whitelie on 20/07/2022 - 18:28
    +3

    Easily a year.
    Our last one (#4) is now 10 months, wife has just gone back to work at the 9 month mark and wishes she took a little bit more. She didn't take much time off at all with the first two. Number 3 was a year and she said that seemed right. Maybe it's a bit harder knowing this is the last one so she won't get that time again but 12 months is a good balance.

    I get 16 weeks and have until he's 2 to take that. Did it with #3 around 1 year old when the wife went back and have the strongest bond out of all the kids. I suspect #4 will be very similar.

    I think part of it is where the child is going when you go back to work. I wouldn't put them in daycare under 1 but that's just me. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just prefer them to bond with other family members if possible. Our little one goes to the grandparents one or two days a week where our rosters overlap. After I take my time off he'll go in daycare but will be 18 months or so by then.

  • morse on 20/07/2022 - 18:34
    +3

    You won’t know until you get there. Every circumstance, parent and child is different and there are factors you can’t predict that will influence your decisions. Things like how long you breastfeed for (some won’t even take expressed breast milk from a bottle) , whether you’re bored at home with bub all the time or love it, if great job opportunities present themselves etc. Personally I went back part time at about 1 year. In some ways I wish I waited but at the time the sameness of the days was doing my head in. Be aware that if you go down the daycare path, the first year of daycare is likely to be disrupted by LOTS of viruses and sick leave.

  • Benoffie on 20/07/2022 - 19:13
    +4

    As someone who had no paid maternity leave available and had to therefore return to work asap, I can say I envy the very generous benefits people have now.

    Take it. Take it all. You will never get it back and you will regret it if you don't.

    Just stay up to date with your career if it's a profession that requires it.

  • original15 on 20/07/2022 - 19:18
    +2

    I’d recommend around 12 months depending on timing, how you go with the little one and other factors.
    Highly recommend that you check if your husband’s work has primary carer leave available for the non birth parent. This would allow you to return in some capacity (typically towards the end of 1 year off) while he takes extended paid time off. A number of companies (particularly large companies) have this type of leave available for 10-16weeks.
    This is a great option if it suits as it is paid, let’s the mother ease back in to work and gives the non-birth parent some bonding and primary carer time.

  • iNeed2Pee on 20/07/2022 - 20:03
    +9

    Who voted no leave?
    Sure, just have the baby in the tea-room and continue on your day. 🙃

    • [Deactivated] on 20/07/2022 - 20:55
      +1

      Roxy Jacenko did something similar!

  • Melencir on 20/07/2022 - 20:28
    +2

    Take as long as you feel you need. I know mothers who wanted to get back to work within months and others who took at least a year off.

    The ones who came back sooner were usually on a part time basis - needed a change of environment and routine and the only me time they could get was at work.

  • jakka on 20/07/2022 - 20:43
    +2

    How much leave can your partner take?

    For both of my children I took extended leave and am glad that I did. My wife took 6months with our first then I took the second 6 months.

    For our second my wife returned to work after 2 weeks and I took ~4months. My wife then changed jobs and worked nights so she could be home during the day.

    My recommendation would be maximise the time between the two of you that you can spend at home. You don’t get another chance at spending time with them when they are young.

    • [Deactivated] on 20/07/2022 - 20:52
      -2

      | My wife then changed jobs and worked nights so she could be home during the day

      …. to sleep?

      Great make believe arrangement

      • jakka on 20/07/2022 - 21:00
        +4

        And what would you know?

        She worked part time working 6 to 11. The penalty rates she got working nights meant there was not a huge difference in what she previously earned during the day.

      • cookie2 on 21/07/2022 - 20:26
        +1

        Don't judge someone elses arrangement that WORKED FOR THEM when they're sharing. Rude.

  • nephilim on 20/07/2022 - 21:15
    +1

    My wife worked a 6am-lunch job until 3months pregnant, then took leave until she stopped breast feeding, during that time did a online Cert4
    Before that we both worked full time, so we got ahead in money (which is easier as were in Adelaide).

  • cookie2 on 20/07/2022 - 22:05
    +1

    I think the less time the better (if you're really wanting to return) and ofcourse a reasonable break before returning. I am a believer in returning part time and stretching that out over a period as i believe the longer you're away the harder it feels to return. But then reduced hours or shorter days etc isn't possible in all workplaces.

  • jolee3 on 20/07/2022 - 22:19
    +2

    Really depends on you and the child. If you have the flexibility to decide later, then it would be good to make the commitment after the baby is born.

    For my first I started wfh right after the government paid leave finished, around 5 months, but only for 8 hours a week. Baby slept through the night early (~2 months) so I found I had some down time during naps and sleeps, and it was nice to have a little income to supplement. If he wasn't sleeping through then I probably wouldn't have wanted to start yet, so it does depend how your baby is.

    I'm currently still on maternity leave with my second, who turned 9 months today. She slept through even earlier but it's a different ballgame with a toddler as well, and I'm really happy to have taken leave for longer. Finances are very tight with some unexpected things happening, but hopefully we can stretch it out until the 12 months.

  • Mummy2 on 20/07/2022 - 22:34
    +1

    I took 6 months maternity leave for both of mine.

    I was really looking forward to it the first time round but found it very stressful and couldn't wait to get back to work. However, when I went back, I just went back to work part time (3 days a week) which seemed a good balance.

    I did exactly the same for the second child … just to be fair.

    I continued part time until they were both full time at school.

  • p1 ama on 20/07/2022 - 22:46
    +2

    I think it's something only you will know once you have the baby. When my wife had our son, she intended to take 6 months off, however, after around 2 - 3 weeks, she started feeling very isolated at home and missed having the social and support structure that her work provides. We did a switcheroo and she was back to work after around 1 month and I spent the next 5 months looking after our son during the day. I also took the time to explore some other hobbies and catch up on all of the things I've left behind because of work. The truth is that babies sleep most of the time for the first few months anyway!

    I think it really comes down to how your individual family and personal situation. It's also important to keep in mind that you have the rest of your life to spend with your kids - this is just one small part of your lifelong relationship. I have seen the all sorts of arrangements, from one parent taking 6 months, then another parent taking 6 months, so they get a whole year in total. I've also seen parents who choose to take the 6 months together so they can spend more time with each other as well as with their baby. I also know parents who both went part time so they divided up the days they were at home with their baby.

    There's a lot of options and it sounds like both you and your partner have the flexibility to choose.

    What length of maternity leave would be optimal for bonding with our baby and having a balanced life?

    I just thought it'd be important to address this question, since nobody else seems to have touched on it. It's important to remember that "bonding" is something that happens for life, not for the first few months when you're taking leave. So many parents I know seem to make a big deal about being great parents for the first 6 months (or however long), and subsequently forget about being great parents once other life priorities get in the way. There are many periods in a child's life that are arguably even more important than the first few months.

  • kawinuyo on 20/07/2022 - 23:48
    +1

    I took 6 months for my first child and felt I would have liked londer, so took. 1year off for my second child and it was a much easier transition back to work… (better solids, slightly better sleep patterns)

  • geekcohen on 21/07/2022 - 06:07
    +1

    Depends if you have family who can assist with returning to work? My wife took 4 months off and then returned, it was tough to get back into the groove as she is a primary school teacher and I was working full time. But I have extremely supportive inlaws who would look after our daughter.

    We had her at the end of 2019 and ever since COVID with more WFH, it has become a lot easier and better work-life balance. If it wasn't for COVID and I was in the office every day, it would make it tough.

    My wife especially likes that she can go to work and have a bit of a break. She suffered from Postpartum depression and likes the balance of work vs home. It also gives her something to look forward to when she gets home.

    It all depends on your situation.

  • PensionerXXL on 21/07/2022 - 07:54
    +1

    if you are a pregnant male, id say 0 leave and get back to work
    if you are a pregnant female, take all the time you can get

  • kenny38rj39302 on 21/07/2022 - 08:32
    +2

    13 months 1 for before the baby is born and 12 to bond

  • ashtdp on 21/07/2022 - 09:35
    +2

    We have a 15 months old baby now. Wife returned to work after 6 months of baby birth but constantly regretted for not taking a year atleast… We noticed the baby was getting more sick from day care when she was under 1 year but as she got closer to 1 year her immunity got stronger and fallen less sick (touch wood).

    So I recommend 1 year leave based on our experience and if possible return to work part time for few weeks for easy transition

    • geekcohen on 22/07/2022 - 07:49

      We noticed the baby was getting more sick from day care when she was under 1 year but as she got closer to 1 year her immunity got stronger and fallen less sick (touch wood).

      I don't think it matters when they go to daycare. My now 3 year old has been going for 18 months and she is sick at least once a month. So whether they are at 6 months or 3 years, I don't think the sickness is going to go away.

      • jolee3 on 22/07/2022 - 11:25

        I agree that age is probably not a big factor in how sick they get from daycare. They will get sick more when they first start, whether it be 6 months or 18 months, then get sick less frequently after adjusting.

  • cupcake on 21/07/2022 - 09:53
    +1

    12 months is ideal.

  • RMBC on 21/07/2022 - 10:20
    +2

    I don't think this has been mentioned, but an employer only needs to hold your job open for 12 months. After that there is no requirement to do so, although it can be negotiated with your employer. This may be part of your considerations

  • Freitag on 21/07/2022 - 10:44
    +1

    Plan for a year and reassess as it goes. You might decide for more or less and you can't know now.

  • 82norm on 21/07/2022 - 10:58
    +2

    Just remember there is no magic number. As long as you and your partner are happy that’s all that counts. Enjoy parenthood, life will never be the same again.👍

  • LFO on 21/07/2022 - 11:19
    +1

    What length of maternity leave would be optimal for bonding with our baby and having a balanced life?

    For real, profound bonding, far many more than 2 years.

    As always every person has a different version of "bonding". Back on the days, breastfeeding just by itself was a must usually going for more than 2 years. But things have changed and it will now probably considered too much … too disrupting … for the mother, mainly.
    So it is a decision to tag along with babs or to start to live a new life with the new member as the center stage.

    Once again, the baby you probably treasure a lot will be in kindy/school at 5 or 6 so those are the previous years to really bond in every aspect.
    There is always time to re-start or re-engage with those projects you both dreamt of but time will never ever be back to bond with your child.

    As always YMMV, as own own values do.

  • b0rnwithabeard on 21/07/2022 - 11:24
    +2

    honestly, you won’t know until the kid is here. Take 6 months and then see how you feel

  • Ggggggggg on 21/07/2022 - 21:02
    +1

    I took a 1 year off and a 1.5 years off

  • sandman87 on 22/07/2022 - 14:37
    +2

    Whichever you decide, there will always be people - some well intentioned and some who are insensitive or unkind - who will question your decisions about anything to do with being a first time parent. I think the advice that people are giving here is broadly good, that more time is good. But likewise, its also totally okay to find being a new parent difficult and its also totally okay to send your child to daycare earlier than you anticipated. If you plan for 1 year and decide to go back to work after 6 months, you haven't failed, no more than if you decided to take more time off to be with your child would you be abandoning your career.

    All the best!

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