Hey OzBargain,
So I'm doing it, I'm getting married!
I know wedding budgets vary tremendously but are there any smart decisions I can make to keep costs low?
Probably outdated but my parents both agreed "don't tell the florist it's for a wedding and you'll save 20%".
Got any more? Planning to have the ceremony in Sydney if that helps.
Cheers
There is no right person, people changes. so prenup is the way!
What are you talking about… "YOUR homemaker", "YOUR children" like one person is to "blame" for all this!
In fact this mindset is EXACTLY what starts to happen in most marriages and is EXACTLY why you SHOULD get a prenup since once it goes sour you will be "blamed" for everything even though it was a joint decision at the time.
"For better or for worse…" such a self deluding promise that 99% of people will never keep!
Based on marriage FACTS you've got a 70% chance that within 3 yrs you'll be posting here on OZB "Where can I get a cheap divorce lawyer?" so I recommend you down scale the wedding so you can put some money aside for that day 😉
@FairDeal: “Based on marriage FACTS you've got a 70% chance that within 3 yrs you'll be posting here on OZB "Where can I get a cheap divorce lawyer?"”
No - you’re too cynical for this world! 70% of first time marriages in Australia are for life. There is a 30% chance that in about 12 years it will end.
I got my data here:
https://www.budgetdirect.com.au/blog/marriage-and-divorce-st…
@AddNinja: So to put that into perspective roughly the same as 1 round of Russian Roulette with 2 bullets in the six-shooter. That said everything in life is a risk. Being single for life isn't exactly without it's own downsides.
@syousef: “So to put that into perspective roughly the same as 1 round of Russian Roulette with 2 bullets in the six-shooter.”
You must have been hurt by someone you loved :(
They are not roughly the same. You can tell because most Australians marry willingly, but typically you force people to play Russian Roulette.
It is good to consider things from many perspectives - but it is important to properly weigh the probabilities and possible rewards and likely damages. People here are bad at both. They get the probabilities wrong, and assume a divorce is as bad a being shot in the head.
@AddNinja: That's no revelation I've not been through a divorce but we've all been hurt by someone we love at some point, and if you're lucky you get to use that experience to appreciate your partner.
We were talking about the odds, not whether or not people willingly got into the situation.
Divorces can definitely be as bad as a bullet in the head and for some they are just as deadly. For others they are the beginning of ongoing misery. Having the family you love ripped away from you isn't something anyone finds easy. That's not a willing action either.
Also note that many people stay together despite being miserable when they are married. It's difficult leaving behind the comfortable and familiar. It's difficult putting children you love through a divorce.
@syousef: Dude - stop it! It's fine if you don't like marriage or think women are out to get you. But the evidence for marriage and especially for men is clear:
Yes, some of those men and women who divorce experience worse health outcomes [3], but this is offset by the advantages. It is certainly not equivalent to being shot in the head and I think you need to stop with the analogy.
If, in your experience, the women you date are out to screw you over - perhaps have a look at yourself. If the best women you can pull are selfish and deceptive - perhaps you need to change to attract a better class of woman?
[1] https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-health-advantages-of…
[2] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce…
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4397145/
@AddNinja: Dude, stop it. It's a risk. It's not about people out to get you. It's just one of the realities of life.
The idea that a man gets richer after a divorce is just plain laughable. Literally. I'll have to share that with my friend who's going through that.
Show me where exactly did I say that in my experience women are out to screw me? I had my 15th wedding anniversary in September and we have 2 gorgeous kids. Talk about projecting onto someone.
HOWEVER I don't for one second pretend a partner or a relationship can't change. It is a risk to trust someone at that level. 30% of first time marriages is huge. Choosing well is necessary but not sufficient. Working at it is important. BOTH have to do that. Luck plays into it too, whether you like it or not.
Btw you might want to cite better sources than an insurance company propaganda site and The Guardian.
@syousef: Hey - you’ll be fine.
Word of advice - don’t share your post where you liken marriage to Russian Roulette with your wife. Even if you only made the comparison “for perspective”…
@AddNinja: Lol. I actually could share this with her no problem. For starters I only likened the odds to Russian Roulette, not our marriage.
@FairDeal: Where are you getting your figures from?
70% people looking for divorce lawyer within 3 yrs?
You must be smoking the high quality stuff.
Happy married for nearly 22 yrs.🙂
darn socks?
@AustriaBargain: Soz, wasnt clear - I know what Darning socks is but no one does it anymore is what im getting at
Totally agree!
Prenup means absolutely sweet nothing. Especially here in Australia.
It's called a binding financial agreement. Works ok until kids are involved.
@JIMB0: A binding financial agreement at least to my understanding can be overridden if its unfair to the other person.
So its perfect when you have two successful people with similar money/assets etc.
@samfisher5986: Saying this about BFA's is misleading. If you were to point to any and all contracts and say "Well this can be overridden if it's unfair" is also a true statement, but it doesn't stop contracts being entered into constantly and them being very effective.
@samfisher5986: Untrue.
The biggest issue (if you read the court cases) is that there is not adequate time for one party to consider the BFA.
ie. "Getting married tomorrow, your parents, brothers/sisters and grandparents have flown in from another country, your english isn't great but don't worry - so you will need to sign the prenup or the wedding is off!
Anyway go to MY lawyer (or sometimes not even a lawyer to advise) and sign it today…. or get out of the house as well"
What do you think any Judge would say? Could you identify ANY issues with that scenario?
The scenario is truer than you think.
@Other: I couldn't say what the most common issue is but you absolutely can't expect a BFA to hold where the wife gets nothing and expect that to hold 10 years later while the wife was cooking and cleaning at home for 15 years while the husband makes 100k a year while making 200k in savings/shares and a heap of super that the wife is not entitled to.
@samfisher5986: The most common years of divorce is 1-2 years of marriage and 7-8 years of marriage.
For most people I would suggest if they have been married 8 years, they probably have had kids, etc - in which case the Court is going to look at the kids needs first (no matter what anyone suggests). In which case your prenup is going to have mention kids and devise a strategy on how to take care of them (financially). Majority of pre-nups obviously don't do this, unless their is a particular need (very wealth as an example)..
So the majority of pre-nups is focusing on the first 1-2 years of marriage, usually before children. I don't think that is unreasonable.
@Other: While true, even without kids they don't view a spouse without super as reasonable and there are so many people not having kids these days.
@samfisher5986: Can you show me any cases where a court ignores a correctly setup BFA (especially if there are no children)?
If the case is where one partner asks the other partner to Not work (and hence not receive super) then obviously the court would look at that in a negative light.
I haven't looked into it recently, but if you have a BFA and keep your interests separate then I would be surprised if a court ignored it (these days courts expect women to work).
@Other: I could say the same to you, show me court cases where super is ignored and the wife is left with nothing.
I know of a few actual situations where its happened and I've at least heard its very common for the wife's circumstances to be considered.
verifiably false but ok
Well there is actually if you have done your homework. Yes, people do change based on their morals. You can tell with alot of what if scenarios. Obviously you don't ask them face to face. But you speculate base on how they react in different situations.
Then you just weigh on whether or not you'll accept them when push comes to shove. I think more often than not is actually you changing yourself, rather than the other half. I.e. ( you don't love them anymore).
do prenups even exist in Australia, meaning do they hold any meaning in the court of law, i heard family court can over rule any prenup in aus. definitely interested in hearing others opinions who have went through it
A prenup may help in some circumstances but isn't a guarantee and the fact is it can destroy trust from the start increasing the chances that your marriage will fail.
Everyone talking about prenups - do you actually have assets?
Is there actually equity if you do or do you have a 28 year mortgage on a house?
How?
Dont invite every man and his dog because you are paying
I've had ceremony-only invites before and was quite happy with this.
Marriage is overrated, just have the wedding
Apply parents logic to everything - cake, stationery, cars, venue hire etc.
Consider a Friday wedding. Limit numbers to who really matters. Consider ruling out kids. Consider splitting wedding/reception.
Have a wishing well for cash. Minimise your registry for just those people who cant take a hint.
A family member always said Sunday weddings were the go, because people would limit how much alcohol they consumed as they had work tomorrow.
Downside being people may not party as hard or long.
would limit how much alcohol they consumed
Depends if op is looking at a package or not. If so, it wouldn't matter how much people drank.
Call in sickies for monnny
If downsizing then why not a monday wedding eh… the utlimate
Cheap arse Tuesday, even better 😂
Alcohol, while expensive, is only a small fraction of the cost of a wedding.
How is that a downside expending people to be "responsible"
Do not consider a Friday wedding. It is exceptionally rude to assume people are able (financially and otherwise) to take a day off work.
That's the point. And if the couple are serious about saving money, weekday weddings will achieve that and people will book a day off, especially with 6-12 months notice.
I always find it strange when guests think a wedding is more about them than the actual people getting married.
It’s absolutely not about the guests, but there is a social expectation that you go to a wedding you’re invited to.
I would rather not be invited to a Saturday wedding so the couple could save money, than be invited to a Friday wedding and be expected to attend.
If the couple are actually serious about saving money, don’t spend tens of thousands on a party. Plan it like it’s a birthday, get party pies and other finger food and do it at your house. Or better yet, don’t have a party at all.
But the couple obviously want to celebrate with (show off to) their friends and family, hence the hoopla. So at least make it a hoopla people are able to easily attend.
people will book a day off, especially with 6-12 months notice.
Tell that to anyone in the education field. Good luck getting a day off.
@jjjaar: Im a teacher. It's called annual leave. Or, if youre a TRT, prioritise or dont go.
Again, not about guests, about couple. And weddings on Fridays tend to be small by nature.
Regardless, people need to think outside the box. Staying in it sees people wasting tens of thousands on other people.
@Benoffie: Which teaching sector are you in that lets you take annual leave outside of school holidays?
@mskram: Curious to know this too.
I know a lot of school teachers across primary, high, public, religious and independent and I know none of them would be able to take an annual leave day for a wedding. They’d have to (and I know people who have) call in sick to get a day off for it.
@mskram: The public sector. It's called planning. Obviously, if an invitation came in 3 months out or for end of year exam period, I'd be stuffed. But the last wedding I went to (on a Friday, in the Riverland, some 4 hours away), gave ample time to say to my Principal, 'hey, got a wedding, can I book a day?'
Strangely, they said - 'check the calendar and if there's nothing important on, sure, go for it!'
Hardly an uncommon occurrence across the sites I've been at. Weddings, funerals, kids graduations, own graduations, travel, carer responsibilities. The only thing they've ever got fussy about it LSL. Now that needs some serious planning.
@Benoffie: Which state?
In NSW you can use FACS leave, but that only accrues at one day a year.
I'm glad to hear you work in a public teacher sector that allows you to plan ahead and use your annual leave outside of school holidays. It sounds like a luxury to have an extra four weeks of annual leave off per year on top of school holidays.
@jjjaar: Exactly, it is very rude to do a Friday wedding specially when inviting people who would have to get Annual Leave to attend.
I have to attend one for a friend, get Annual Leave and still gift money because specifically asked for that on the invitation. At the end I will end up paying much more than what they are paying for food because of the AL. To make matters worse is cocktail only.
It is like expecting people to pay the wedding by asking money as gifts.
@jjjaar: People in the education field can't just book 1 day off? Aren't there substitute teachers for this reason?
@TimApple: No. Subs or emergency relief teachers are for the regular full time teachers that take sick days as their days off.
@TimApple: The relief teachers cost around $250 per day… so not that reasonable for a social reason for a day off.
But there is a social expectation that you go to a wedding you’re invited to.
I've never heard of this.
100% yes. Consider how much you get paid per day … and therefore effectively lose by having the day off and either not getting paid or losing that much annual leave.
Frankly, I'd rather you charge me $30 and put the wedding on Saturday.
Spot on, better charge and do an appropiate wedding. I have that problem coming up.
@Cherry12: If you're this offended by a cocktail style Friday wedding, it's laughable to think you'd be fine with being charged money to attend a weekend wedding. Don't kid yourself.
@youfnc: It's the less shit option.
Ideally you wouldn't jerk your friends and family around and complicate their careers just because you can't afford your wedding on a sane day.
@youfnc: If I knew the options are free on Friday vs pay on Saturday, I'd prefet to pay.
I lose more money by taking Anual Leave than what they will pay per person on the wedding.
Then I will still have to give them money because I would never attend a wedding without a gift. They exclusively asked for cash.
If you can't go, don't go - that's what the point of having a weekday (or overseas) wedding is. Saves money for the hosts.
It is not that simple for many. There are societal expectations and obligations associated with these events for a lot of people.
These sorts of games are ridiculous. Don’t invite people if you don’t actually want them there or want to save money.
@jjjaar: Do you seriously think there are societal expectations and obligations to attend a wedding, when the hosts have gone out of their way to make it difficult for people to attend? They are basically saying to you "Yes you can come, but you don't have to…it's a pretty tricky time!"
@PrettyBrokeTBH: Yes, 100%. I envy the fact that you don’t have these pressures. But just because you haven’t experienced it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.
In my family, and many other families of people I know, there are plenty of people that love to lay the guilt trip on you for not attending a wedding. Hell, I get it for not attending kitchen teas that are sprung on you with 2 weeks notice.
Not only do you personally get the guilt trip, but there are discussions that happen behind your back.
As I said before - I envy you for not having to deal with these kinds of obligations.
@PrettyBrokeTBH: You do have those expectations. I have a wedding invitation just like that, I dread to attend that wedding but they are such sensitive people that if I don't attend the friendship would be over.
@PrettyBrokeTBH: Do you seriously think every human on this planet, or even a minority, have ZERO societal expectations when it comes to attending a wedding?
I'd like to see you double down on your willful ignorance
I made my wedding guests fly to South Africa, so I really don't think taking off a Friday is that big of an ask. lol
Think of it as a filter to remove all the dud friends from the wedding list. :)
Unless everyone you are inviting doesn't normally work Friday then don't do a Friday wedding. It is rude. We were invited to a wedding on a Monday. It was interstate and due to border restrictions, we weren't able to go anyway but seriously, WTAF.
20%? try double or triple the going rate for EVERYTHING for the wedding.
You've already mentioned, don't tell the florist. Similarly, don't tell the cake maker that it's a wedding cake - we just ordered a tired cake and put our own touch to it prior to the wedding. The difference was something like $150 vs $600 for basically the same cake.
Personally I disagree with the florist side, when paying for wedding flowers they are much higher quality and longer lasting than non-"wedding" flowers. I wanted mine to last longer after the wedding :)
It just depends on your overall budget and how important flowers are to you. If the total wedding budget is $10k spending $1k in flowers would seem like a lot.
This is true. Also if you're honeymooning the day after there is no point in making flowers last!
they are much higher quality and longer lasting
They only need to last one day!
We had asked a Melbourne based horse and buggy service how much to pick us up in the morning and take us for a ride from a to b, they said $120. Then when it came to booking over the phone, I made the mistake of mentioning it was for a wedding, price was 500 or 600 (11 years ago now), I said no and reminded them of the quoted number asking why it was so much more now… In the end I said nope, we'll take a limo for fixed $60 fee. In the end they called back 2 days before the wedding offering for $150. I took it. Business is business. Don't mention it's for a wedding, ever! It's a party, or a celebration only.
It's horrible just how much small business price gouges for weddings. It should be illegal. It would be under Socialism. Instead, we live in a country run by "tax cuts for the rich" Albo.
We're constantly told how awesome small business is. They are just another bunch of thieves.
A sensible person will shop around anyway. They are not being forced into spending anything they don't want to.
The flip side is that you get what you pay for.
The tax cuts were legislated by scomo…
My wife found someone local who made paper bouquets etc from our choice of picture books (or sheet music etc). They ended up really affordable, got lots of compliments and they were ready months ahead. We still have her bouquet on display in the house because it will last forever.
I was sceptical, but they looked really good and we were super happy.
Probably outdated but my parents both agreed "don't tell the florist it's for a wedding and you'll save 20%".
A buddy of mine reckons he got a pretty good discount on his wedding cake using the same idea. I suppose it depends on how modest you want to be about the whole thing though. I recall my buddy's cake wasn't too extravagant (thrifty couple they are), so convincing the bakers that it was a cake for some other function was likely pretty easy. I expect it would be fruitless (but probably also hilarious) to try and convince the bakers that your triple-decker complete with miniature bride/groom figures on the top is "just a cake for the office going-away party!".
What Are The Stupid, Expensive Mistakes I Should Avoid Making When Planning The Wedding?
Going though with it ;)
A friend of mine booked the restaurant for a group function and said they were bringing a cake for dessert… never mentioned the 'W' word.
Someone I know booked a function space for their engagement party and then it was as surprise wedding. Saved heaps with the venue.
And what if the restaurant owner/manager makes a scene because you didn't mention the W word and demands you pay more? Even if you get out of paying more, them causing a scene is too big of a risk.
Why would they care.
Don't pay the full amount until after the event. If they are a horrible enough person to make a scene because you didn't let them cheat you, have some of the wedding party ready to shut them up or even physically eject them.
Don't get sucked in thinking about inviting every single person you know and people who may get offended if they don't get invited etc.
Keep it small and tight. The best wedding I've ever been to had 20 guests - got to meet and chat with everyone there, and the wedding felt very personal and close with plenty of time to talk to the groom and wife. Booked out a small restaurant for half a day and had the ceremony there. Was fantastic and relatively inexpensive from what I was told.
People overthink the wedding and that it needs to be this glitzy big thing but it really doesn't have to be.
Make sure you invite anyone who will probably put you in their will though.
Elope and spend the money on the honeymoon.
depends if you put a price on the experience of having a big party, speeches, dancing, hanging with friends and family, etc all stuff that only happens once in this context, and is closer to priceless than a bit more $ on your honeymoon.
Strong agree on this. Or just keep it small family/close family. You don't need to invite your 3rd cousin twice removed.
This is a what we did. Got married on Whitehaven beach, had our own helicopters over and everything then enjoyed two weeks in Fiji.
Just celebrated 6 years yesterday :)
Make sure you’re marrying the right person.