TL;DR Over the last 10 years or so I feel like I've lost the ability to communicate effectively face to face with anyone (even my wife), whether it's for work or social reasons. OZb comments, emails, texts, even phone/video calls seem mostly fine. Anyone experience the same?
I'm in my late 30's, and I've found my verbal and social skills in person, has significantly deteriorated to the point it's probably affecting my career and social relationships.
I actively avoid f2f conversations where possible, because when I'm put in that situation, anything I do or say feels awkward and forced. So this means not attending friend's events, work events etc
The last work event I was volunteered to go to pre covid, we were meant to network and mingle, I just stood in the corner and watched everyone whilst drinking my beer. I suspect I would do something similar if I ever went to an OZb meet up.
Another example for work, was I was recently asked to help man a stall at an Expo interstate, a few days away from the ankle biters sounded great, but I declined, saying I'm a terrible networker/salesperson, would probably to more harm than good, and I was afraid of covid (covid thing conveniently true, wife is giving birth to our 3rd soon).
At school pick up/drop off I don't actively engage any other parents, I see all the other parents chatting away having a great time, but I don't bother. Obviously I will respond when someone talks to me, but it just unintentionally comes out weird and probably not what they expect me to say.
Things I notice happen:
I want to say so much in one breath that it all comes out jumbled, verbal diarrhoea almost, I usually mumble or completely lose my train of thought, or forget key "sophisticated" words.
I am not quick enough to have a decent debate or argument, just seems like my brain is asleep and I cannot put together a coherent sentence in a reasonable time frame…the moment is lost, almost like George Costanza and his delayed comebacks š
Sometimes I find I have to remind myself to actively listen, make eye contact with the other person otherwise I'll be looking all around, even when I'm actively speaking etc
Most of these things are not required in email or phone, so the issue is far less apparent. I can take my time and think of all the big fancy words I want, in person, I just seem to lose it.
Do I have a physical or psychological issue maybe? Early onset dementia? Or have I just lost practice?
My wife worries that if she dies before me, I'll turn into a full blown hermit and lose touch will all my friends (most of which are high school friends, I've not really made any new friends since)…she actively pushes me to meet up with them, but I almost always find an excuse not to go.
I guess I can go speak to a GP, but I seem mostly fine at the GP in the past š
Thanks for your time, I'm sure some of you will have a field day, or this post will just fade away with not much notice.
Regards,
DJK
This is pretty common, especially if you haven't been in social situations for a while, not to mention got into the habit of actively avoiding them. Social skills/communication, like most skills, get worse at it the less you use it.
The most common suggestion(*provided this isn't a more serious undiagnosed medical issue) is to keep putting yourself in social or other situations where you have to communicate, even if it's awkward or uncomfortable, and it eventually gets easier. Even just family gatherings would be a good start. That is also considering if this is something you actually value improving. Some people are perfectly content living like hermits and go by life mostly fine with a small circle of friends/family.
This basically happened to me after graduating from university and I moved into a junior role elsewhere requiring minimal interaction with others, and moving away to a different state away from my social circles. Eventually got into the habit of avoiding social/work activities because I'd just stay silent and things would get awkward.
Eventually I moved into a senior position and found myself HAVING to communicate with managers, clients and training other employees. The first few client meetings & presentations I was roped into were a dumpster fire with several similarities in your 'Things I notice happen:' section. Things got easier pretty quickly and the awkwardness went away. I did notice non-work social situations took a bit longer for me to get a bit more relaxed and I initially continued to avoid them because of this.
I did also find some of these issues come back to an extent after lockdowns ended, but they went away after a few months. Part of it was restricting most of my communications purely in text for 2 years, then suddenly moving back to the whole face to face situation where I no longer had the luxury of editing myself multiple times, which somewhat impaired my communication.