'Friend' Wanted to Learn Manual in My Car. He Smashed It and Now Ignores Me. What Can I Do?

G'Day OzBargainers,

Sometimes we make stupid mistakes and one mistake I made a few months ago was letting my 'mate' attempt to learn manual in my car at his place. Now I was hesitant at first but after he asked a few more times I thought I would let him have a go (stupidly) since I thought he was my best mate and he had been wanting to learn manual for a long time. He was reversing in his front yard (fairly large property) when he hit a pole. We both got out to assess the damage and he had bent the exhaust and also dinted the bumper. Now, I didn't grab his insurance details (stupidly) because he said he would pay for the damage himself, so he gave me $200 as an initial payment that day until I got a quote from the smash repairers.

A month later I got a quote from the smash repairer which came back as around $1,125. Since he had given me $200 earlier he is now in debt of $925. I immediately contacted him and I could sense he was a doubtful, saying that he wasn't going to pay until he stated he wanted another quote and then he would pay. So then I went out and got another quote from a different mob and it came back as the exact same amount. I contacted him again and he said he would give me $200 the following day. The next day he did not send money as he promised and from then on he would not answer my phone calls, text messages or FB.

7 years of friendship and it comes down to this. He has truly f**ked me over and it has caused me alot of stress. I'm really struggling to find what to do next which is why I require the assistant of this great community. If anyone could assist me in this dreadful, shitty situation it would be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance,
TheOneWhoKnocks.

P.S.

  • I do have messages proving that he did smash my car
  • I have comprehensive insurance and am under 25 and therefore fall under the young driver's excess
  • I know it's just money but at least he could be honest and contact me. Not once did he bother contactung me about it and I had to do all the reaching out. Then he decides to ignore me which is pretty much the icing on the cake. It may seem like a trivial issue to some of you, but it has been bugging me for the past 4 months and all I want is for it to be resolved so I can move on with my life (yes it is bothering me that much).
  • I have considered bikies

UPDATE 1
UPDATE 2

Comments

    • Hey bud. No, just the two places. It wouldn't really matter since he hasn't bothered to reply nor contact me as of late. Can I make a claim without his insurance details? Thanks.

      • Hmmm… not sure. Someone rear ended me a few years ago and the insurance company tried to force me to pay for it because I didn't have all of the guy's info. Might have to ask them, although not sure what happens on their end once you put in a claim (as in it might be too late to change your mind on reporting it).

        • +2

          As long as the insurance company can contact the other party (ie they haven't moved address and changed phone numbers or ignore all correspondence), then a name, address and contact number would suffice. Obviously if you had more information like driver's license number, insurance details etc it would make it easier as your insurance company would just contact his.

      • +2

        I think you are over thinking this. First, don't stress!

        There is no 'his insurance' details in this case. Car insurance is attached to a car, not to a person. This is a single car accident and therefore you can only make a claim with your car's insurance. What you will need to check is whether your car insurance covers your friend in terms of age and as an unlisted driver. You can easily contact your car insurance to check. Also some insurance may have excess for a single car accident.

        Assuming that this accident is covered by your insurance, tell them that your friend is the the driver at fault and let your insurance deal with it. Your insurance will send the bill to your friend. Of course, you will need to then return the money that he already gave you.

        Now if you want to have a courtesy with your friend. You can inform him beforehand that you are going to make a claim and will nominate him as the driver at fault. Tell him the excess amount and give him options to whether going to insurance or repair it with the mechanics. Tell your friend to be a man and return your call. If he did return you call, you may give him the money that you promised to help out of your pocket.

  • Not sure how extensive is your damage, is it possible to get a quote from those come your home and repair type (such as http://scratchbusters.com.au/). The last time they gave a quote for around $400 when the normal body shop quoted $1000+ as one would change the bumper to a new one, the other repair it.

  • +7

    Bang his girlfriend and then send him a video of it. Then forget about the debt.

    • Not my type. 😬

      • What about his mum/sister?

  • +1

    Send a letter of demand. If it fails, file in the local court's small claims division which costs $95 in NSW. Serve the documents. If he does not defend it, get default judgement.

    • Thanks for the advice. Is the letter of demand a compulsory process in filing a legal case against him?

      • +1

        For a litigant in person (not a lawyer) you can get away without having to do it. However, the threat of a formal looking letter with a demand to pay by X date or official Court proceedings will be commenced can be a powerful instrument. I would also include a statement that if you are forced to commence proceedings you will further seek that he pay your lawyer fees.

        • +1

          Another question if you don't mind. Is a lawyer necessary for a small claims case? Also, if I were to take legal action would the location barrier be an issue (I live around 300km away from him)?

        • +1

          @TheOneWhoKnocks:

          No it isn't, if it's a similar process to QLD the first round is mediation, where you are summoned to sit down with the other party and (attempt to) come to a mutual agreement. But I'd suggest getting in touch with Legal Aid, explain your situation and get some advice on how to approach it.

        • +1

          @iforgotmysocks:

          Also, if you go the insurance route and they attempt to retrieve money from the other guy, are unsuccessful and make you foot the excess, you can go through small claims after the fact to recover the cost of the excess and/or any other costs you have incurred.

          And include the cost of the small claims submission in your amount you're claiming from him either route you go down. Good luck :)

        • @iforgotmysocks: Thanks for the advice. Should I bother going via insurance? I've already written the letter of demand and I'm about to send it.

        • @TheOneWhoKnocks:

          It's up to you. Insurance is a risk obviously (you may end up paying excess, higher premiums) but they do all the hard yards for you.

          Personally I'd take the gamble and go through the insurance (I've been through the small claims process before with someone who reversed into my car, I only had third party at the time so I had to chase up payment myself… so this is due to not being bothered going through that again)

          A letter of demand from an insurance company I'd wager would more persuasive than one he receives from you. Again, if you do end up having the foot the excess, you can submit with small claims for the excess (plus submission costs).

          Really, it depends on whether you're in a position to afford the excess if they can't recover it from your deadbeat mate. Best case scenario is where you get a professional repair, and old mate pays the excess. All you'd have to do in the process is drop off the car and pick it up again a week later

  • -1

    Money between friends…

    • +1

      It's just not as simple as this. Imagine your mate smashing your car, then buggers off not willing to pay for anything. I feel angry just thinking about it..

      • Like others have said in this thread… don't lend things (including cars) between friends. Retrospective? Yes. Lesson learnt? I hope so.

  • +1

    I never drive friends cars and they don't drive mine, heard too many stories like this.

    Money and friends can be a bad mixture.

    Perhaps get a few more quotes, I'm sure you get the figure down to $700-$800 leaving you $500-$600 down. It's not worth perusing your 'friend' as you said so perhaps see if they contact you eventually? Guilt can doing funny things to a person!

  • Couple of questions,

    When you went to get the quote for the damage they probably asked, insurance or private. What did you say?
    What state are you in?
    So he has paid you $200 so far?
    Whats your excess on insurance?

  • +1

    Hey op, is he working? Is his lack of employment the reason he isn't paying you, or has he just revealed his true colours to you?

    • Hey Cronut. I'm pretty sure he does have a casual job with centrelink youth allowance. Maybe so because I did say he could pay the money in instalments and stated that there was no real rush (to convince him to pay the whole lot).

    • might be a reason not to pay, BUT isn't the reason to ignore the OP and now block him.

  • -2

    If you're not getting your money back… is there any way you could do $925 worth of damage to him and get away with it?

    Obviously kidding. Or am I…?

    • Or just petty.

      • Obviously not obvious enough!

  • Mate just leave it?
    Money is money i know!
    But maybe it was a sign so now you know he's true colours?
    If you have to stuff around that much just to get the money back is it really worth the stress and headaches?
    A true friend would have paid on the spot(. if they had the cash of course)
    Your better of with out him in your life!

    • +2

      I was contemplating on giving up the pursuit but I just can't. I'm so tightarse I would remember the $2 I leant to my mate you wanted to buy a hotdog back in highschool. I just can't give up. I'm stressed either way.

      • Probably shouldn't comment in the morning. Made a few mistakes in that sentence.

  • +4

    I would tell his parents (in a nice way, not demanding, you want them on your side) - if they are anything like mine they will force him to pay

    • I haven't had contact with them since the accident so yeah I think it may be time to give them a buzz.

  • +5

    My biggest gripe is that your username is "TheOneWhoKnocks" and yet you're letting him get away with this. Ask yourself, what would Walter do?

    • I'm treading lightly at this current time.

      • No more half measures

    • Blow his ass to hell with Fulminated Mercury.

  • +1

    shame him on facebook, so all his friends know what type of person he really is

  • +4

    Oh god, been there, done that. When I was 17 I let my unlicenced friend (or maybe I even asked her if she wanted to) drive my car in a disused car park. She freaked out and smashed it into a concrete wall causing a tonne of damage (car was still drivable though).

    My first thought was what the bloody hell was I thinking? What would I tell my dad? (Who bought the car for me less than a year earlier). Didn't really ever think it was appropriate to ask her to pay for it though, she was unlicenced I shouldn't have been letting her drive my car at all. Through some freakish level of luck on my part I was driving somewhere the next day and the car in front of me went to turn right and stopped waiting for traffic on the other side then some (profanity) behind me who wasn't looking at the road rear ended me and wrote off my car (he said he dropped a smoke and was looking for it) so his insurance paid for the whole thing.

    Your situation is quite a bit different and I think overall it's probably fair to ask him for the full amount but for the sake of friendship some level of discounting might be appropriate as in hindsight it was probably a bit silly letting someone drive your car who has never driven a manual.

  • +11

    This is a delicate situation, and should be handled properly, with grace and poise.

    Break his freakin legs.

  • +2

    Firstly, don't let it stress you, it is only a car. It may be your pride & Joy now…. but one day it will be a rust bucket in a metal compactor, and you will have forgotten about it.

    There may be a clause in your insurance, as it was on private property it is not covered?

    Maybe it's be an opportunity to restore and grow your friendship..
    Instead of sending a letter demand, how about a letter of offer?
    Along the lines of " hey buddy life's too short to let a silly accident ruin our friendship
    How about we fix it together ?"
    That way you could both learn something, send time together that will mend the friendship.
    Labour (time) is expensive, but it's something young folks tend to have plenty of and not much money.

    Just a few idea for you to consider
    Cheers
    Matthew

    • I like you Matthew. Hopefully the friend is as open minded if OP goes down this track.

    • +3

      You sound like a great person Matthew.

      However if I was the OP, I wouldn't want to restore the friendship because now I know their true colours.

      If a friend did small damage to my car, I probably wouldn't fix it, but would expect that friend to at least offer to pay for it.

      To me, it's not about the money, but the fact the friend went missing shows his true character.

  • +5

    I learnt manual on SEGA rally Arcade at timezone back in the 90's. Cost me two sessions of unlimited play around $20 - probably double that now.

  • dont stress about it, you could always say give me 400 and we will call it even…. or consider it an expesnive way to realise he isnt a good friend, and spend time finding better ones….. or be a vigilante and go destroy the equivelant amount in his stuff (i dont ecourage this)

  • +10

    for the record, i had a friend buy a car off me for $500, he gave me $50 and said he would pay the rest in 6 months (we were students)…
    he drove it for 6 months and returned it when they rego ran out… it hadnt even swapped names, thinking back i dont think i even had insurance… anyway to cut a long story short he brought the car back wrecked, used and abused it….

    never spoke to him again….. well until 15 years later, when he applied for a job at the company i work at… i ended up interviewing him, i didnt see his name as my direct report would be his boss….. he was a good candidate, but he didnt get the job….

    • Wow. How ironic. What goes around comes back around. ;)

      • yep…. just take the loss and believe in kalma or how ever u spell it

        • you were a good friend, he is a **** id go through poo at his front door

    • How did he react when he first discovered you were the interviewer?

      • +1

        awkward both found out same time, but didnt bother me would have got job if best person

  • +12

    UPDATE:
    I am overwhelmed with the amount of advice and support I have received from everyone, it is really much appreciated.

    I have contacted my insurance company anonymously and they have stated I can file a claim and they will contact 'my mate' requesting for the appropriate debt, having no affect on my premiums if he does pay up. If it is unsuccessful I may have to foot the insurance bill + the premium increase. So I guess it is a bit of a gamble.

    In another news he has also made it 'Fb official' and has blocked me. No surprise there. :/

    Now I'm just contemplating on taking legal action with the first step of sending a letter of demand or filing an insurance claim. I just want this resolved ASAP.

    Thanks to everyone again for pitching in their ideas.

    • +1

      good luck, file a claim in small claims, if its free… not sure.. at the very least don't stress about it…. not a big deal in the scheme of things… i wouldnt worry about premiums rising, they will go down soon after in few years

    • +2

      name and shame him on FB ~ tag all your mutual friends

      • I have thought about doing this.

        • +5

          I personally don't think you should go down to his level
          You've done the right thing so far and I think you should just continue and settle this honourably.

          Nobody will be able to fault your character on this incident.

    • He isn't your friend at all any more, move on and let it be. But now its up to you if you roll the dice over $900 and go the insurance path.

      Personally I would get ANOTHER quote to see if you can get it done cheaper or hit up the other people you got the quote from and say, you're paying it yourself can you do any better on price. Strangely prices can drop when its not a insurance job.

      Being under 25, you don't really want a at fault claim on your record if your 'mate' does pay, and high chances he won't, so your premiums will go up more than $900 over the lifetime of your policy because of it.

      You're best to pay for it yourself, or depending on the car, just live with the damage.

      • I'll send a letter of demand and if that doesn't influence him to come out of hiding I might take legal action or just let it go. :(

        • +1

          Its really up to you. and you need to decide.

          You also say its causing you 'stress', and going down the letter of demand path will add more stress when they don't pay up, so you move on to legal action will add more stress again.

          If you don't want the stress, just write off the $900 dollars and more on. Yes you're young and $900 is a LOT of money to you at this moment, but trust me, its not worth the stress for $900.

          As you haven't laid out any money on repairs yet, you're really $200 up. As I said before, is the car worth repairing and spending ~$1k on to fix the bumper? You haven't told us what sort of car it is. Does it have any other damage? Is it a $2k under 25 special or a $15k or $50k car? Maybe pocket the $200 dollars and live with the damage if its a cheap under 25 special.

          But if its worth repairing, then you're best to work on trying to lower the repair bill by seeking more quotes or asking the existing quotes for a better price as its not a insurance job.

          Maybe don't get the exhaust fixed and only get the bumper repaired. This will reduce your repair bill lots. You say the exhaust is bent, can it not be bent back?

          Clearly its not too bad of damage as you have been driving it for months now without repair.

        • @Level380: dont let 900 stress you, your lawyer will charge that a day during your first divorce:)

        • @unclesnake: I'm not stressed over $900… I think the OP is ;)

    • +2

      dont forget to tell his parents. Any good parents will give their idiotic son a good lecture.

  • Simple, just take to small claims court, easy. Job done

  • +6

    Does he have a sister?

  • -7

    Obviously you have never heard the phrase… "You never lend out your car or wife"

    You have been screwed but then again what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

    Accept the penalty and move on. Whinging about it is not going to change the fact that you were stupid to loan the car in the first place.

    • +3

      Hello. I'm not whinging, I just like to know what my options are in getting the money to fix the car. I won't give up just yet.

      • +5

        Forget what the poster said above. Trusting people is never a stupid move. If anything, its good what happened. Your friend was tested, and he failed. Better you learn now, than when your ass is really on the line. A grand is nothing, 50 hours of working. People spend that much playing video games without a second thought.

        • +2

          Yeah exactly. Things happen for a reason. This is just another life lesson.

    • -2

      Sorry I have to give negative remarks to anyone who responded to my post. Perhaps you believe in being politically correct or polite; I believe the best remedy is to be blunt.

      This guy was clearly stupid and/or naive and should just pay for the repairs and stop complaining. The problem with many people is their inability to deal with their own issues and requiring external input every time they have a crisis.

      If I logged on every time someone had stuffed me over in my life I would have a whole forum dedicated to it. Toughen up and move on!

      It must be a heap if it only requires a grand of repairs.

  • -7

    How about you split the bill with your friend.

    I mean you did let him drive your car, right?

    • Only if he would respond to my calls or texts.

  • +1

    It's an expensive lesson to pay to find out that friend is not really a friend. It's not worth taking legal action because the lawyer will be the only one benefiting.

    • Hey mate. Would a lawyer be required in a small claims case like this?

      • +1

        If he had been ignoring you he would just ignore any claims from you or your insurance company. That's when legal action is required because it's the law that he can not ignore. Unfortunately legal action is costly.

      • +2

        I don't think small claims tribunal needs a lawyer. There may be a small fee involved. It maybe worth trying this path just to put some pressure on this guy.

        Ultimately this may just be an expensive lesson but having said that you should be able to trust a friend so I think it's more a lesson about that friend rather than anything else.

        Good luck

  • You have been too nice…. Anyway send a letter of threat and then if it doesn't work just leave it. Friends can be enemies sometimes, sad we find out the hard way :(

    • Hey fozzie. My thoughts exactly, I'll send him a letter of demand stating that I will take legal action if he does not contact me and see if that will persuade him.

      • Might be worthwhile to send a copy to his parents too with a note saying that this is the letter you sent their son and the reason.
        I think most decent parent would settle their child's debt on his behalf and then sort their own kid out separately.

        • Luckily he still lives at his parents place, but he alternates between his mums and dads as they split up a while back.

  • You should have listened to the immortal bard on this one:

    Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
    For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
    And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

    On another note sometimes an unpaid debt is a 'cheap' way of getting rid of friends who weren't really very good friends.

    • +1

      He had three really close friends, including me. Last year he decided to associate with the 'wrong' crowd and he hasn't been the same since, taking drugs, getting wasted every weekend, etc. It isn't me that's the issue, it's him.

      • probably why he has no cash and doesn't want to pay if he is doing drugs and moving to a "wrong crowd mentality"

      • So you let a wasted, drugged mate borrow your car? Obviously you must not care much about your mate's safety or the car. So why are you complaining? It is like when men say I accidentally got my missus pregnant. It is no accident!

        Would you be on here complaining if your mate died or was seriously injured due to your stupidity in letting them drive your car? No. I believe what you got is karma and if that means you will not lend a car out to a drug taking, wasted individual in future then that is a good thing.

        • Hello sir. You're making it sound like he was 'wasted' and 'drugged' during the time I let him drive my car. He was unintoxicated. He was also travelling at low speeds. Yes he has his issues, but I didn't let that get in between our friendship. If you presume I don't care about the car this thread would have never existed nor would my desperation to get it fixed.

          I thought I was doing the right thing, a gesture to a good mate before I moved away. It was a stupid mistake, but I've learnt my lesson.

          As I said earlier I'm not complaining, merely seeking out what my options are.

          I understand you have an issue with why I have posted this, if so leave this thread. Simple is that. These people aren't forced to help me out, they do it out of their own goodwill which is something I really appreciate. I find it funny how you're telling me to stop complaining yet ironically you complain about my apparent complaining!!

  • +1

    JUDGE JUDY TIME!!!

  • Playing devil's advocate here, but why did you let him reverse it straight up if he hasn't driven a manual? Also, were you aware of the pole and you highlighted it to him? How long has he been driving auto?

    • If I can recall correctly, he was in the process of turning around and I had no indication the pole was there. He's been driving auto for around 2 years.

      • Ok, so not as 'new' a driver as I'd imagined. His yard, he should have known about the pole. A shame he's given you the run around.

  • +6

    The moment your friend blocked you on Facebook, it's pretty much indication that it's time to go all out.
    It's clear he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, might as well take this to court. Hope it works out well for you.

  • +1

    JERK MODE ENABLED
    Order $925 worth of Pizza and send it to his house.. if only that still works.

    Advertise someone very cheap on gumtree and make sure his phone calls constantly gets called.

    Become a millioniare, invite him for a job position that is well paid.. When remind him of the time he didn't pay up? and give it to his brother.

    • Haha I'll give it to his Dad because he's a good bloke unlike his son.

      • +1

        If his dad is a good bloke you should probably talk to him about it

        • True. I have thought about this but it would be a bit awkward if he was home…

        • +1

          @TheOneWhoKnocks: mate you are Wakayama beyond caring about awkward by now. If his dad is a good bloke he'd be concerned that his son us acting in that way. Like most people have said it might seem like a lot of money to you and your mate but for the parents it shouldn't be much at all

  • +8

    The psychology at work in money lending situations is pretty funny went you think about it. See, he probably felt bad initially about it, and wanted to fix it, but at the same time felt really attached to the large sum of money, imaging himself being plunged into a poverty life of eating rice and living by candly light if he gave it to you.
    He just keeps thinking about the situation, running it back and forth in his mind. He starts making excuses. These start with him not being entirely at fault, but quickly get twisted to make him the victim. He had never driven a manual! You distracted him! He was doomed from the start, setup to fail. Made to crash.
    And now, you're trying to get him to pay to fix up your shitty car? You? GRRR! The guilt turns to anger. Easier to deal with that way.
    He wants to stop thinking about it but can't, so he tries to distract himself. Does anything to put it out of his mind. By this time, he's mentally reminded himself a thousand times or more.

    Then you call

    OP: Hey mate. Don't want to rush you or anything, but its been a month and we haven't talked. What are we gonna do bout this car situation?

    Bad friend: For gods sake, stop hounding me! You unbelievable prick!
    slams phone down

    OP: O….Kay then.

    Ends with your friend having smashed your car, and bailed on paying. The kicker? He's now pissed at YOU.
    If that ain't comedy, I don't know what is.

    • +1

      I'd say you've encapsulated his flawed logic rather well. He didn't consider I could take him to court with him having no proof the accident wasn't his fault. It was never really intelligent.

      • +2

        A poohead then was he? Say no more, the friendship was doomed from the start.

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