Hi Ozbargainers: I had tremendous positive feedback from my last post regarding an unfortunate event in the family. I am hoping to get some help from the community this time around. It is a long story, so I will try to keep it concise to the point.
- This involves options for a non-refundable airplane ticket purchased by a minor and seeking some constructive parental advice. Moderators: This matter is quite urgent, if it’s not in the correct forum, please move it as you see fit after a day, so to get some initial traffic, much appreciated.
About half year ago, my brother has told my mother that he wishes to go to Japan to improve his dance (an alternative popular style of dancing). Given he was only 15 and it sound more like a spur of the moment thing, my parents did not took it seriously.
Last week, he booked and paid for plane ticket to Japan without telling mum and dad. Considering that he is 16, is this online transaction legitimate for a minor? Knowing Air Asia has no refund policy, could there be an exemption or other options?
My brother produced an itinerary, which include; Airflight for $1200(-paid), Hotel for 9 nights at under $200Aud(-not paid) total(thats under 20 bux a night!), eat and travel with $500Aud. He arranged a local translator to look after him (an acquaintance of his dance teacher in Aus). He will pay expert dance instructors (another $500Aud-not paid) to teach him during his stay. We have no relatives in Japan; he will be on his own with very limited support from three acquaintances. We have no idea of whom they are, one does not speak English, and another is a Child from his Primary school many years ago.
Brief background of my brother: He is 16, going to into year 11 this year. He is difficult to typecast, perhaps a gamer/dancer/Clown. Quite sociable and popular in his school. I was called by school last year to see the headmaster for his dishonesty. He has been dancing with a tutor and group of people in a dance studio for around 3-4 years now. He would get some late occasionally due to training or dance battles. Dad has been generous usually with his spending. My brother has also found a first job at a fast-food chain this summer holiday working late shifts.
Given he has never left Sydney alone, nor looked after himself for more than a day. Travelling alone to a foreign country with limited support at age 16 is a huge risk. He has no idea how to handle unexpected situations, e.g. losing passport, travel insurance. I told him that his decision is immature and is not supported by the family at this stage. I also assured him that the family can pay up to three month for his trip to Japan after HSC. Another option is to go with my cousin to Japan this July holiday. He agreed with my facts, yet still wants to go. His only argument is that he believes he can benefit in his brief stay and hence improve dramatically in his dance over time when he gets back. While I do not think 9 days will make him a much better dancer, he strongly disagrees. I also pointed out that a dishonest decision not supported by the family will yield negative emotional turmoil if he persists to go, and it goes both ways.
After two long discussions with my brother, it seems almost impossible to change his mind. The ticket is in the next few days, it is non-refundable. I also had two long discussions with his dance tutor seeking his perspective. I then found out that the tutor had been to the same teacher, booked the same hotel when he was 18 (with the support from his parents). The tutor and I both agreed that my brother’s decision was rushed and not though-out, a longer trip down the road would be better.
I still find it hard to fathom how a 16 Y.O could legally travel to a Japan without the consent of neither their parents nor any Visa application. Additionally, for a 16 Y.O to be able to purchase airfare online raises the question of its legitimacy if we can get a refund?
At this stage, if I could get some parental guidance. Given mom and dad has put me in change of the matter. They are hugely disappointed on my brother’s dishonesty with not telling them beforehand. They are also feel helpless given my brother did not listen to their direct confrontations. Now I am left in the middle to convince him or otherwise, given I am 10+ years older than my brother.
TL/DR.
My 16 year old brother is going to Japan alone to improve his popular dance. He did not tell mum or dad, booked ticket with some of his money from his first job. After two long discussions and being told explicitly that his decision is rushed and immature over factors such as safety, purpose and timing, he still persists. We even suggested alternatives to go to Japan for up to three month after the HSC (which will finish in 19 month for him), or got with my cousin in June for two weeks.
My brother seems to have set his mind to go, as his plane ticket is also non-refundable (air Asia). We are quite desperate in this situation given limited time (ticked in a few days) and options it seems. Is there any way to recoup the money? More importantly, if any some constructive parental advice for my parents (and me) would be tremendous.
**Edit:
Thank everyone for the generous feedback. whilst many posters said to let him go, but I could really use some constructive feedback on aftermath and consequences.
I will speak to him again tonight, will keep everyone posted.
**Edit part 2:
It has been a very long night last night, and I had people coming to my place to fix things during the day. Now that I have some time, I would like to give some current progress and thoughts.
The four of us sat down and had a deep talk.
Dad is the authoritative figure that insisted on risks and the potential to affect his HSC (yes, Asian family, but we pay 25K a year for his tuition).
Mum is just worried about him living on his own, and the safety.
He tried to dodge the bullet, stating that he thought mum and dad was ok with him using his first pay for the ticket. He did not anticipate the heartache and mistrust as repercussions.
I try to stay neutral, making it clear that I not going against his ultimate goal to improve his dance. Also to point out how he was not respecting mum and dad on this decision, it caused heartache and mistrust, whether my brother realised it or not.
Realising the mistrust raised, he apologised for the heartache caused to parents. My brother is still persistent on going there in three days, rather than what we suggested at a later time.
I then turned the table and asked him what should he do to rebuild trust and not hurt mum and dad in the future. Also that he made an independent adult choice, he will be seen/treated like with adult responsibilities if he decides to go.
He spoke for a while, promising all the chores and responsibilities he will carry in the future, including board fee.
Dad then asked him to put it in writing and sign with everyone. (The written procedure that was done few times previously, with very limited success last few years).
At the end of the night, I am supportive of him to go provided he behaves like an adult(within reasonable grounds) and openly talk to family for future reference.
Again, I take my hats off to the people who has read the entire 100+ post from this thread or replied constructively(to both sides of the camp).
Big thanks to mskeggs, Leiiv, Vitastic, the-mal, Land of smeg, toniyellow, heb, just for the time you invested into this thread, to providing a perspective to someone you never met before.
I will update after two weeks, for anyone who wants a finale to the event.
Whilst I go agree he is turning into an adult form.
He is however not taking the responsibility like an adult. You are right, maybe he will need a lesson from this.
The family will give him options, and he needs to decide either to stay as a child and have all the concession of living rent-free, food and laundry taken care of, or be treated like an adult and start cleaning and perhaps paying board fee when he gets back.
Cheers