Encountered a Rude Buyer on Gumtree - Are People Really That Rude These Days?

I am trying to sell of a used PC and posted an ad on Gumtree and FB like 4 weeks ago.

A buyer paid a deposit last week for the PC and we planned to finalise the transaction by end of this week.

Another buyer just called this morning enquiring about the PC, I advised the buyer that the item is pending for a sale, and that if she is still interested in the PC, I can update her by the end of the week if the sale didn't go through.

The second buyer then started saying that I should sell it to her because she has the cash ready and she is willing to pay today. I reiterated that a deposit had been put on the PC so I have to hold that for the first buyer. She then started saying that the listing I have is false advertising and how she needs to have that for her son today for his birthday (which she claimed to be yesterday).

I kind of felt sort of sorry for her kid and offered another yet to be advertised, lower spec'd (1050 instead of a RX 570) and cheaper, machine that I am building as an option for her as she mentioned that she has very limited budget. She refused the option outright and continued on her temper tantrum…

Anyone had similar experience on Gumtree when selling stuff there? Are Gumtree buyers usually that rude? What's your experience?

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Comments

  • +196

    just ignore the person and move on with your life..

    • +32

      And always use a burner SIM online.

      People can't manipulate you if you don't engage with them.

      • +17

        a lovely chap by the name of Saul Goodman sold me one the other day.

      • +2

        There are also apps like Hushed, which is the equivalent in app form. Pay a couple of dollars for a disposable number and then abandon it when you’re done.

  • +40

    Just hang up the phone next time. You don't have to put up with BS from strangers.

    • +7

      Just trying to be nice there.

      • +18

        No need if there not being nice to you. It's a two way street.

        • +21

          Unfortunately, not everyone in life plays by the same rules. People have different values/ethics/morals and not all of them have empathy.

          It's great to apply the golden rule (do unto others as you'd have them do unto you) to new acquaintances and give them benefit of the doubt, but that should not continue indefinitely if it isn't reciprocated lest you'll be exploited.

          Even in many mathematical game theory simulations, altruistic initialised tit-for-tat strategies prove to be amongst the most competitive.

          • -1

            @Scrooge McDuck:

            Even in many mathematical game theory simulations

            Eh, if you know game theory, you should know that prisoners' dilemmas exist.

            • @HighAndDry: That's why I wrote "amongst the most competitive" rather than optimal.

              In my experience, the metagames in life across macro and micro states are not near game theory optimal.

              • @Scrooge McDuck: Ah yeah, true true. Iono - you only need one non-altruistic person to 'game' the system and it becomes far less optimal for every participant. And the probabilities of coming across such a person increase the bigger the group, while unfortunately the consequences for that person (reputational damage, etc) decrease with group size.

      • +2

        Nice, schmice. Give them back the same attitude they give you. With interest.

        • An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

          • +5

            @Scrooge McDuck: In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

            I just simply don't tolerate rudeness. A frank conversation is fine, but once it crosses the line to rudeness, it's a point of no return for me.

            • +4

              @Seraphin7: Sure but nobody's perfect and humans make mistakes. So if we're not at least a little tolerant nand/nor proactive at leading by example, we're part of the problem.

              • +1

                @Scrooge McDuck: Counterpoint - rudeness isn't a mistake, it's deliberate.

                • +7

                  @HighAndDry: Rudeness is a perception and perceptions are subjective.

                  Different cultures and even different individuals within a culture have different norms for social behaviours. When cultures clash, rudeness can be perceived, but not intended.

                  Anyone who lives in Sydney or Melbourne should know this!

                  • @Scrooge McDuck: You're right - but there's a line past which 'cultural differences' can't really explain it.

                    Like in this case: "She then started saying that the listing I have is false advertising and how she needs to have that for her son today for his birthday (which she claimed to be yesterday)." This isn't civil in any culture.

                    • @HighAndDry: I'm arguing against the "With interest" suggestion, and for some tolerance in general following on from the comments to which I replied. I've already made my comment on the case in the OP, the discussion has moved on to the general case.

                      • @Scrooge McDuck: Ah. Eh - if you've accounted for possible misunderstanding/cultural differences, and are sure it's warranted, "with interest" can serve as a disincentive to future/further rudeness.

                        Personally I agree with you - I see no point in further engagement at all. But I also see a point in pushing back against rudeness, because far too often, being rude yields better outcomes than being reasonable/civil. That's a perverse incentive if there ever was one.

                        • +1

                          @HighAndDry:

                          "with interest" can serve as a disincentive to future/further rudeness.

                          That is not justice. With this philosophy the other party would feel justified in retaliating and the interaction would escalate to extremes — An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Two eyes blinds the world even sooner!

                          As I said, nobody's perfect and humans make mistakes, so everyone is a perpetrator to some degree. So consequences should be fair and proportionate to offences. Tolerance and forgiveness are necessary for civil society. Draconianism is dystopic.

                          • @Scrooge McDuck: A solely proportionate response, without a correspondingly proportionate amount of interest is not a disincentive. That'd be akin to having bank robbers paying back only the money they stole, it means there is no downside to the exercise for the (original) perpetrator.

                            I'm not advocating for a Draconian, scorched-earth policy. I agree with your consequences should be fair and proportionate - I just think that the 'with interest' portion is fair and proportionate. (I guess our disagreement might just be a matter of degree on a case-by-case basis).

                            • @HighAndDry:

                              That'd be akin to having bank robbers paying back only the money they stole, it means there is no downside to the exercise for the (original) perpetrator.

                              You haven't considered that in this case there are many more offences than just theft. Add to it injury (not just physical) to the victims, costs to the bank, costs to taxpayers for law enforcement, and other harms to society. So a fair and proportionate consequence would be significantly more than just the return of stolen property.

                              The argument started out on the case of individual altercations. Now you're complicating it with individual versus organisation/state altercations. In the case you provided, the other offences are more complicated to quantify but the same philosophy can still be applied.

                              • -1

                                @Scrooge McDuck:

                                So a fair and proportionate consequence would be significantly more than just the return of stolen property.

                                What if there weren't any other harm? Say it was the perfect crime, no one knew about it until they checked the accounts the next day. You'd still need a punitive component to act as a deterrent.

                                The criminal legal system is just a more codified system to deal with more serious transgressions of social norms (being criminal laws). It's extremely different in degree, definitely, but the concepts are the same - the consequence for intentional bad behavior cannot simply be to make up for it, because then the risk reward becomes: "possibly get something out of it" vs "zero downside". You need a punitive aspect to serve as a deterrent.

                                • @HighAndDry:

                                  What if

                                  Sorry but I have other stuff to do today.

                                  Your perfect crime case only eliminates some of the offences (injury to staff and customers) not most of the others.

                                  • -1

                                    @Scrooge McDuck: It's a hypothetical. In a hypothetical where there is no harm but the disappearance of cash from the bank, the perps still need a punishment more than mere repayment. Otherwise,

                                    then the risk reward becomes: "possibly get something out of it" vs "zero downside". You need a punitive aspect to serve as a deterrent.

          • -1

            @Scrooge McDuck: hmmmm, sounds like justification for not having the guts to stand up for yourself.

  • +3

    ignore and move on

    • this there are too many people out there that are quite literally 'grievances looking for a cause'.
      Ignoring them leaves them deeper in their own self inflicted awfulness and you unaffected by not being sucked into their world.

  • +27
    • +4

      Kids are crying now, thanks.

    • +7

      NEXT!!

      • +1

        Should've done it for the exposure

    • One of my favourite subs right after r/maliciouscompliance and r/prorevenge

  • +12

    gumtree=scumtree

  • +6

    I was expecting something bigger TBH. You're not in Kansas anymore.

  • -3

    so your building and selling PCs via GT?

    • +5

      I have a job but doing this on the side just a bit to help out with the home deposit.

      • +2

        I've thought about doing it - is it actually worthwhile for 1-2 builds a month?

        I recently advertised a GPU and have had the exact same low-ball offer 5 times in the space of 2 days. I got pretty suspicious by the 3rd message… pretty sure they are the same person trying to convince me this is the best price I'm ever getting offered.

        • +3

          Thanks for the strategy ;)

          • +2

            @peterpeterpumpkin: I'm going to get offers from PeterPumpkin1, PeterPumpkin2, PeterPumpkin3…

        • hahaha classic!! can't believe people still using that!

  • +10

    Potential scammer, ignore her.

    Unless she is willing to fork out $200 extra.

    • +9

      Honestly, I probably won't even be bothered even with an extra $200 come to think of it now. If she bought the computer, it probably will end up in a tech support nightmare.

      • +2

        If you had agreed to sell, most likely she would then want to bargain you down.

      • +2

        If you do sell to her, make sure you don't give her your home address or real phone number. Her attitude and entitlement is a huge warning sign of trouble ahead. Her sons birthday is not your problem.

      • +1

        I had one exactly like that when i sold a laptop.

        It was wiped so it had a fresh install of windows 7 and thats it, no other apps just all the windows updates and drivers.

        I kept on getting messages about where office was and how do I do this and that, why isn't this app for Mac OS working…. nothing to do with a problem with the laptop at all.
        I was polite up to a point, until i just redirected him to google it, as the messages were DAILY for weeks and I really don't have time to be tech support to a random. I'm already that for my family. lol

        Now I just suss out if they are tech savvy and if not, then I'll just let the deal slide.

    • +2

      Yeah. I'd add an extra $200 and say it will be ready just to stir the person up and then never reply.

    • I would be cautious. My husband was selling a graphics card back when mining crypto was going crazy, and had a buyer communicate similarly, being demanding and a bit inconsistent with their story. They paid via PayPal 'family and friends' transfer (which doesn't include buyer protection) so we figured it was legit and handed over the goods. Despite lack of buyer protection they subsequently disputed the transaction, and PayPal sided with them despite us providing records of communication between us and the buyer up to handover of the card. Ended up $600 out of pocket. Also a bit anxious that they knew our home address. Lesson learned: When it comes to Gumtree cash is King, meet in a public place and ideally sight / take a photo of the ID of buyer.

      • +9

        Agree cash is king and public meeting spot, but jeez if you asked to take a photo of my licence I'd cancel the sale on the spot.

  • -2

    Yeah

  • +14

    That's not really a problem of "Gumtree buyers being rude" (it happens, just this isn't it here). This is "entitled mum being rude", which is far more common, and which you'll run into in far more places than just Gumtree.

  • +2

    I know cafe staff, retail staff, sex workers and many other public facing people and the answer is an unequivocal 'yes'. Nice, polite people who don't believe that the whole planet is just there to meet their daily demands are the exception these days, but they do get noticed. :)

    • +1

      How many sex workers have you known (and I don't mean in the Biblical sense)?

      • +2

        Only about a dozen or so. And yes, it was purely plutonic, even sex workers need IT help. :)

        • +3

          You help them with their webcam?

        • +2

          They must be out of this world.

        • +1

          Everyone does IT.

          • @Scrooge McDuck: How come no one cares about the retail workers I know?

            • @EightImmortals: It's not "they don't care", it's probably just not as notable. Like the whole joke about "Hitler: I am going to kill a million Jews and one clown. General: Why the clown? Hitler: See? No one cares about the Jews." In this case, retail workers being treated badly is almost the norm. (Sad, but…. true)

  • +5

    It's just people; not gumtree.

  • +6

    The line about her son is just emotional blackmail, ignore it, block her and move on.

    What next? The dog ate her handbag and she needs to pay you in instalments?

    • +3

      The line about her son is just emotional blackmail

      On the one hand, yes, unequivocally irrelevant emotional blackmail. On the other hand, there's a correlation there because I note some people think having pushed out a kid means they deserve special treatment.

      • there's a correlation there because I note some people think having pushed out a kid means they deserve special treatment.

        That's because being responsible for a kid (regardless of giving birth) often does get you special treatment (e.g. parents with prams parking spots). It's fairly strong biological urge that (most) people tend to treat children preferentially to adults (kids would die if we didn't), and therefore parents can sometimes get a free ride.

        • That's because being responsible for a kid (regardless of giving birth) often does get you special treatment (e.g. parents with prams parking spots).

          This is basically "give them an inch they'll take a mile" kinda mentality. Just because society is doing you a favour doesn't mean society owes you that favour (impersonal use of "you", not saying you specifically). If I give my friend a ride some place, it doesn't mean they're entitled to get a ride off me.

    • Many years ago when I used to fix up computers, I had a lady who dropped her system on a Thursday afternoon. Quoted her about a week due to being a busy period, and she said she was urgently flying out on the weekend to see her family, so needs to be done for Friday night.

      I accepted the job, pushed her in front of the others and made sure it was complete by Friday afternoon.

      She didn't rock up after being called and told her job was completed on the Friday. She picked it up on Monday. Unfortunately, I wasn't there when she picked it up, otherwise I would have asked if her flight got cancelled!

      It could have been legitimate, but chances are, probably not.. What ever it takes to get the job done, I guess!

      • +1

        Some people just like to feel important by getting themselves to the front of the queue, for that reason if I were doing that sort of work I'd have a standard and an emergency rate so that it was at least worth my while.

        • +1

          We did have the emergency rate. I can't remember the exact scenario, but the urgent fly out/family emergency meant that she had very little money (attempt at emotional blackmail) - so I basically didn't charge her the queue jumping fee.

          I should have over quoted/charged her, then gave a discount if she picked it up on the time she stated. She sounded genuine at the time.

          • +3

            @rompastompa: My main issue is I don't like validating / rewarding that behaviour, especially with adults, so by charging extra I'd at least feel as though I wasn't pandering to someone's nightmarish ego.

  • It is true; she has a son. But he's not getting a PC until he become Doctor.

  • +2

    Let me put it this way… I throw perfectly good items out that I would otherwise give away or sell for a fraction of their worth because of experience dealing with gumtree and 'give away' sites. That saying about no good deed going unpunished is truer today than ever.

  • +1

    I wonder if ebay employs people to be a$$holes on Gumtree just to deter sellers from using it. Just so they can jump back onto ebay and pay the lovely fees.

    So many stories on there. I haven't had any problems with 2 of my items.

    Come too think of it, it's been a while since there's been a post on ozbargain about being scammed.

  • Are people really that rude these days? Yes.

  • I always post things on gumtree with as much info and pics as possible.

    Still get idiots responding with things like "lowest price" or "cash how much"

    If I reply it's normally just a "read the ad".

    I recently had someone that kept spamming me with a 'Welcome to country' for some victorian town. Bizarre.

    • +1

      Or the "hey is this still for sale" question 😂

      • +2

        I'd say a good amount of ads I'm interested in buying have actually sold, but the buyer hasn't bothered to remove their ad.

      • I'm guilty of that question! It just seems a bit more polite than "I want to buy this, give me your address"

        Also because half of the stuff on gumtree has been sold or is pending pickup

    • when you reply back saying "cash only you scammer"

  • +2

    I don't use gumtree any more. I am so fed up with advertising something for $100 (for example) and you get 15 messages saying "I'll give you $10 and do you deliver?".
    No thanks.

    • +1

      At least you get good grammar with your lowball requests. I don't even get that!

    • yeah I tried gumtree once last year for some expensive fishing gear I wanted to get rid of. I got inundated with offers for 5-10% of what I was asking together with explanations about why I was asking way too much (which in itself was half the new cost). thankfully it sold relatively fast but the annoying phone calls and messages put me off gumtree for life I think.

      • +2

        Thats why you should remove your number off gumtree and say contact via gumtree email only works for me :)

        • learnt that lesson after the first one. But there won't be a second use anyway, there are easier ways to sell stuff through either ebay or just dumping at a real auction place, either way I won't be a seller on gumtree again.

  • +5

    I'm surprised she didn't ask to see the manager..i can imagine her haircut.

  • Not on gumtree but I had someone on eBay message me about the price of a deodorant. They linked me to a screenshot of another listing in Thailand that was $3 dollar cheaper and decided to be a bitch about it. I explained to them postage is australia was more expensive than thailand and if they didnt want to pay that price they can either wait 4 to 6 weeks for it to come from Thailand or get off their bum and go to coles or woolies.

  • +3

    I think it's a habit of nice people - I know because I used to be a bit nicer - to want to keep thinking of options to help the other person. But in some situations, especially with strangers, it's better to just be firm and clear.

    She had displayed a sense of entitlement from the start and your offer was reasonable. I think your second response should have been, "I'm sorry, that wouldnt be fair on the other buyer. Goodbye.".

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