Cancer Relapsed - Poor Prognosis - How Would You Spend Your Time/Money?

LSabro on 12/01/2019 - 19:16

I have a friend, who has had his leukemia become detectable again, he is MRD positive (disease present) but the disease is not active (yet).

The cancer is still in his bone marrow and has not leaked out to his blood. Though relapsed adult leukemia patients have a poor prognosis of long term survival rate.

His days are possibly limited unless a miracle happens, he is a successful business owner, family orientated and has more then enough money to do what he wants without damaging his finance/credit, I am trying to make use of his days and I honestly dont know what to do for him,

I guess this post is to get a perspective as to what common Values others see in life as important, how would you spend your time knowing that your days are litreally numbered, what is common on the "bucket list", what others would do in the situation where if you felt perfectly healthy, how would you spend the remainder 3,6,12 even 2 years left on Earth.

Health & Beauty

Comments

  • Excelsior on 13/01/2019 - 20:24

    Sorry to hear about your friend.

    Seeing and experiencing the world should always be a priority, even more so when one is still healthy and able.

    Definitely plan a personal trip with his loved ones, to places that he has always wanted to go. Take lots of photos, maybe even create a little family mini movie with collections of short clips. Create as many memories as possible so that they live on with the family and also as a personal tribute.

  • ladybug1 on 13/01/2019 - 20:48

    Sorry to hear about this, OP. I have had this situation with a v close family member. Like others have said, do the travel he's always wanted. Spend time with family and friends. Don't be too careful about his diet, let him eat what he wants if the prognosis is poor anyway. This could be any of us any day.

  • DarkOz on 13/01/2019 - 21:14
    +1

    Travelling the world with the family. Can't beat that!

  • Almighty Dollar on 13/01/2019 - 21:21
    +4

    There are some great suggestions here but I thought I'd suggest something that no one else has suggested.

    He could create a bequest or scholarship in his name that would be awarded to someone annually - someone with potential but without the financial means to fulfill that potential.

    Invest an amount. Then, each year you would give away whatever the amount made in interest less inflation. The recipient would be chosen by the family in honour of the deceased person.

    Not saying it is what I would do - I have no idea what I would do if I was facing death - but a different idea.

  • SlickMick on 13/01/2019 - 21:49
    +2

    My uncle was given a short prognosis, so he and my aunty took a trip they'd always dreamed of: a flight over Antarctica. Meanwhile, he met people from the Gold Coast assembly of the same fellowship we'd recently found in Adelaide. When I rang to tell him that he could be healed, he replied "yes I know" and explained that he'd met people with the same understanding. They took the trip, and he died in a hospital in Sydney before making it home. That was 24 years ago, and just 3 years ago I met the wife of the pastor who had baptised my uncle - she still keeps in touch with my aunty.

    So if there was a special trip or activity that he'd always wanted to do - particularly if it was shared with somebody (like my uncle and aunty), that would be something the survivors will treasure the rest of their lives,
    whereas if he has the opportunity to meet his Maker before his final breath - well the benefits of that are out of this world.

    • dj69 on 14/01/2019 - 09:08
      +2

      His maker were his parents. Chances are he has meet them.

      • SlickMick on 14/01/2019 - 12:19
        +1

        if he's likewise shortsighted benefits will certainly be limited

        • dj69 on 14/01/2019 - 12:21

          I think benefits will be exactly the same

          • SlickMick on 14/01/2019 - 12:33
            +1

            @dj69: yeah I get what you think. Let's not derail this thread

  • MessyG on 13/01/2019 - 22:14
    +3

    I'm really sorry to read this - I hope they have a chat with their haematologist about the prospect of getting on some trials, there's a lot on the horizon right now although some of the trials cost a lot of money. OTOH my Dad died when I was a teenager of cancer and he spent everything he had on trials, leaving us nothing so that's also something to consider.

    My bucket list:
    Macchu picchu
    Morrocco
    Egyptian pyramids
    Antarctica
    Visit the Extremely Large Telescope (or failing that, Parkes!)
    Hawaii Big Island
    AirBNB on Balmoral beach in Sydney for a week
    Learn a language
    Learn how to draw and paint
    Disneyland
    Learn a martial art
    Eat every single flavour of ice cream, dessert, and cookie in the supermarket before the nausea got me. That would probably be my number 1.

  • nomoneynoproblems on 13/01/2019 - 22:50

    Travel with the family. Especially if he has the money. That's what I'd be doing.

  • htc on 13/01/2019 - 23:37

    Spend time with family!

  • syousef on 14/01/2019 - 00:02
    -2

    Why is it your responsibility to do anything for him? Surely it's his choice how he spends his days, last or otherwise.

  • blackorange on 14/01/2019 - 07:52
    +5

    I see a lot of people at the end of life who have regrets and actually mostly they revolve around unresolved family issues or worries about the ending. If your friend has grudges with people or relationships he wants to rekindle before he dies this often gives a lot of relief.

    Everyone says travel cos they imagine that for themselves and it feels like a nice imaginary activity. In reality most people at the end of life have symptoms that alter the way they can travel and how they feel about long journeys. Obviously still possible but often not the priority once it actually happens.

  • dealsucker on 14/01/2019 - 10:31

    Do everything that is on the bucket list. I also recommend reading a book called Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. This is a must read written by a Doctor and gives a fresh new perspective on life after a dim prognosis especially like the unfortunate situation that your friend finds himself to be in and his near and dear one's. All the best. Hoping for a miracle.

  • Kamsi on 14/01/2019 - 10:33
    +1

    Fight it out, don't give up. My old man had cancer and every single day I tell him that. He survived and he in his 90s.

  • Filbert on 14/01/2019 - 10:57
    +2

    If he has young kids he could arrange to get some videos done celebrating milestones 21st, buying a house, marriage, graduation, even when feeling down, etc. To be played on these occassions by his kids and even his partner.
    This will help to keep him 'alive' after his passing and ease some potential guilt.

  • lnq on 14/01/2019 - 11:15
    +2

    The 5 Things People Regret Most On Their Deathbed:
    https://www.businessinsider.com/5-things-people-regret-on-th…

  • Buckshot on 14/01/2019 - 11:32
    +3

    Sorry to hear about this.

    I remember when my Uncle was diagnosed with leukemia. His prognosis was good but Ironically, he died from complications linked to the disease- he had an enlarged liver and spleen caused by treatment. The spleen ruptured when he was out on his tractor.

    Moral of the story- “light duties” = bed rest!

    There are lots of promising treatments out there that have been mentioned. Is it chronic or acute Leukemia? Chronic is quite manageable, and with medication, adults can have long lives. My Great Aunty lived to be in her late 70’s and managed her condition for 15+ years.

    Now- having said all that, if he doesn’t know how long he really has and wants to make the most of now, it really depends on what he values.

    -Time with family- plan an amazing trip- fly business class and pull out all the stops. Create lasting memories/experiences together and take lots of photos.
    (Caveat- if the health issues flare up whilst away overseas, it’s a pain in the butt to cut your trip short and come back- this happened to my Uncle- their Italy trip was cut short because of his condition- there are some amazing un heard of luxury hotels in Australia that are worth a look at).
    -Play board games together
    -Go to really nice restaurants and try out their degustations. I love being taken on a journey of food exploration by great chefs. Maybe he will too.

    -Buy a nice old collectible (and expensive) bottle of scotch and open it with good friends.

    -Do an exotic car driving experience- like a day tour out to vineyards or down the great ocean road.

    -Matt Hall (of Red Bull Air Racing Fame) does Aerobatic experiences out of Rutherford, NSW. Check with the Doctor of course but that would be one hell of a ride!

    Having Leukemia doesn’t need to be an early death sentence but it does tend to have the effect of causing those impacted to make the most of now.

    All the best to him.

  • SupeNintendoChalmers on 14/01/2019 - 11:41
    +3

    Sorry to hear about your mate.

    Spend good, quality time with those he dearly loves. If he's wealthy he can leave some $ or possessions to those closest to him.

    If he's REALLY wealthy perhaps set up a fund for something he's passionate about.

    For example, an acquaintance of mine died last year but set up a small fund, a single bursary each year for one child (from a low social-economic background) to attend a good private school with all fees covered.

  • Ace26 on 14/01/2019 - 13:59
    +3

    Sorry to hear about your friends condition; your friend needs a lot of emotional and physical support. He/She might also need some moral support/guidance, as a friend be there to provide what they want and tell them that you will be there for them.

    Consider suggesting below
    1. Arrange a family gathering and celebrate life, ensure to do this sooner rather than later. And make sure to take some good photos (professional if possible), your friend would want others to remember him when times were good.
    2. If there were any worthwhile relationships your friend had that needed mending, then ask him to mend them. Ask for forgiveness if he is at fault and forgive if the other side is at fault.
    3. Go re-live the good memories from childhood and school days
    4. to and have a drink and a meal with all those who made positive difference in life.
    5. Get finances in order and talk to a lawyer/solicitor.
    6. Give what you wanted to give to those who you wanted to give (whilst you are still around)
    7. Finally, spend any valuable time left in his life with those who deserve.
    8. Travel if the health supports.

    PS: Someone who lost his dad to cancer suggested me to read a book called "when breath becomes air". May be buy him this book

  • kaleidoscope on 14/01/2019 - 14:04
    +1

    Sorry to hear about ur friend…

    Time:
    Encourage him to spend more time with his family. Meditation would be the best thing to do apart from that. Try reaching out to people who can help him out with that. Depending on his religious beliefs he may not like it at first, but meditation itself is independant of religion.

    Money:
    Set safe amount for his family for all expenses until they recover. Do good deeds that benefits his spritual welbeing. (Charity/ fund etc)

  • [Deactivated] on 14/01/2019 - 15:22
    +2

    First things stop working, for money .
    Hopefully he will work it out from there, what he really wants to be doing.
    Maybe he would enjoy doing some sort of charity type role, helping others. I would, if I had tonnes of money, I would be using it to help many many desperate and in need people. Thats just me. All the answers are great, but it is all highly subjective
    . Everyone would want something different, and as others have mentioned, maybe he has already travelled everywhere and done everything on his own 'bucket list' .
    1 thing for everyone though, is stop chasing money. Money never makes for happiness, and you mentioned he is financially secure enough that doesn't need to be working.

  • Soluble on 14/01/2019 - 16:45
    +4

    My mum spent her last week teaching me to use the washing machine and how to iron etc(for her nothing changed when she was diagnosed until that last week). My dad spent his last days worrying about money for his family(for him everything changed when he was diagnosed after the initial denial), my brother spent his last day drag racing(never had a chance to live a full life).

    I say spend it with family as much as possible. Don't wait for anything, for me if I was told I have a week to live I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. All I could possibly wish for would be more time with my wife and daughter.

    So… Family time, family time, family time.

    Also if he's built up quite a successful business I don't think stepping fully away from that is the best thing to do, you don't own a business unless it's something you love, so could be just as important as everything else to him.

  • Thenarrator on 14/01/2019 - 18:08

    write a book filled with your legacy

  • bardlee on 14/01/2019 - 18:29

    A friend of mine was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer so he decided to live it up for his last days and sold his house with everything and travelled. That was 6 years ago.
    He's now poor and living like a pauper. You never know.
    Having said that I knew another guy who had it lasted 3 months from diagnosis.

  • Twodogs on 14/01/2019 - 18:45

    As soluble said spend time with people he loves after all is said and done the people who love us really make us who we are so thank them all for making you who and what you have become.

  • happirt on 14/01/2019 - 21:05
    +2

    i would try weed

    • [Deactivated] on 14/01/2019 - 22:04

      There have been many advances in opiate based pain medications that deliver fantastic results which really do improve quality of life

  • haimrevolution on 14/01/2019 - 21:25
    +1

    I find it funny that people come on here to negative vote people’s opinions actually thinking that there’s counts more. Could someone who negative comments explain what studies they have done on this topic and why their idea is better than everyone else’s.

  • AlanHB on 14/01/2019 - 21:46
    +1
    • Probably change my hours to part time at work
    • Write and record an album
    • Organise a live funeral, celebrate my life with my mates while I'm around
    • Get some guitar lessons from one of my guitar idols
    • 3/4 month US roadtrip from coast to coast
    • Let everyone I care about know

    I think that's about it.

  • ffhound on 14/01/2019 - 22:29

    This question is best answered by your friend asking himself the following question. If he found himself at death's door with only a day to live what would he regret not having done with his remaining days? The answer to that question is the answer to your question.

    Good luck with your friend's health and good on you for caring enough about him to make your post.

    cheers Peter

  • MagicOZ on 14/01/2019 - 22:52

    Fly to the edge of the stratosphere. Some russian company do that with jets.

  • peterw1 on 14/01/2019 - 23:09
    +1

    why don't you just ask him what he wants to do. No one is a mind reader and he still has his mind. Good Luck for your friend

    • Sabro on 14/01/2019 - 23:21
      +2

      When your in a position like he is, your mind is not at its full capability,

      Read every single post and gathered some thoughts, did not expect such a response from the community.

  • AMelbournian on 15/01/2019 - 00:36

    My wife is also battling cancer, Lymphoma. She still has couple of immunotharpy treatments left. Although, the prognosis is generally okay for Lymphoma, you never know what will happen in the future when you already had it once. This lead to a lot of discussions between two of us. Based on them, I would say find what your friend like the most, not what you or other people like. Openly talk to him about them and just help him to tick off as much as items in his bucket list as you can.
    Hope I could do that to my wife. But having just 30 something dollars at hand and $10.62 in my bank account certainly don't help, at least not until my next pay day.

  • iTzPossible on 15/01/2019 - 09:41
    -1

    I've had no cancer experience personally but recently met 3 people with cancer and met some exceptional doctors in China.

    The doctor who cured me of my long term chronic eczema says he can cure many cancers, especially if they haven't done chemo and radio therapy.
    He's one of those trained like an apprentice rather than through the standard university system.

    I recently also met a guy, successful business person, family orientated who out of the blue told me he had been managing his cancer with Qi Gong. Also a chinese we could perhaps say martial arts style? Hard to translate, but basically he told me that it helps him manage his Yang Qi, which is we might say manage his sun energy. He believes that with cancer that has spread in his body for 7-8 yrs, the important thing is managing his Yang Qi, and also Shi Qi. Shi qi means wet, imagine a humid wet apartment will get moldy quickly, it's similar to the body. You need to remove the environment that's enabling the growth of cancer.

    That's my understanding in a short summary. If you are interested reach out and I can perhaps put you in touch with some of these resources.
    If he has money, I would definitely look at these alternative options. Especially where anecdotally people have been cured. The western medical industry is too money driven to come up with actual cures. It's very sad.

    • [Deactivated] on 16/01/2019 - 09:45

      Not possible for a doctor to perform a cure on someone. Only mother nature cures illness and mother nature doesn't charge a dime for it.

  • echineon on 15/01/2019 - 11:06
    +1

    OP, ask your mate what would he regret if he goes away? I was thinking of someone he may have lost in touch with for example. Maybe he is family oriented and want to be sure his family gonna be okay when he is gone so a family vacation is in order. Just thinking out loud in how to help him step out of his comfort zone and be at peace with himself. Also you are a good mate. All the best you guys.

    • P Plater Panda on 15/01/2019 - 13:22

      Your comment reminded me of someone given a bad prognosis that I was talking to years ago, saying that he's received many suggestions given to him that he should travel and get new experience while he could. And he said he's not least interested in those things at all. He said he recently bought an air ticket for a friend to fly to him, so they can meet up and spend some time together. Thinking about what he's said, I understood that whilst it may be fun or exciting for us to engage in these activities, it doesn't do the same for him. And I guess we will never know how it really feel until we're given the prognosis. Therefore, the question you've suggested asking is great, in that it will help guide him find something that he really wants to do. What better activity than to have one less regret?

  • luffyex2010 on 15/01/2019 - 13:28
    +1

    I had a friend who died because of Leukemia and he was 17. He didnt know until it was the final stage unfortunately and died within 2 weeks of notice.

    If it was my planning
    1) stop working and start enjoying life
    2) checklist of things that he/she wish to do
    3) set up a will ( very important to avoid unnessary fights especially if you have alot of money)
    4) pass business to someone who is trustworthy
    5) visit and saygoodbye to all your love ones
    6) decide on the cemetary/ashes in urn or back to nature or donating organs
    7) if you are a virgin….you must get laid with at least 2 or more women or man…. at a time as its one of the best pleasure of life.
    8) leave behind heaps of video recording if your child is still a toddler or infant. He or she would really like to know his/her dad/mom
    9) once its all done…look for a place that tye person would like to go peacefully.

    …I never like the hospital and my choosen place to pass away ( thats if you can decide) is the alps in switzerland and one final yodle.

    Life is short and is uncertain, make the best of it everyday…that is not putting yourself at risk too.

  • InfiniteRegression on 15/01/2019 - 15:42

    There is no joy in life like helping others!

    But before you can help others make sure you help yourself

  • nikey2k27 on 15/01/2019 - 18:29

    Travel cannot take it with you.

  • Jenny13 on 16/01/2019 - 14:00

    Buy the DVD's THE TRUTH ABOUT CANCER: A GLOBAL QUEST by Ty Bollinger
    A naturopath lent them to us. Seems to be virtually no cancer that can't be cured or stopped in it's tracks, All my only using diet, & natural cures. You wouldn't have chemo after listening to these.
    Well worth the money & so many different cures available. Heaps of stories about people recovering when been written off by mainstream medicine like your friend.

    • try2bhelpful on 16/01/2019 - 15:23

      and this is why some naturopaths have a bad reputation. Yes, people should improve their diets but cancer is not "stopped in its tracks" by "natural cures". Steve Jobs had more money that God and he died of pancreatic cancer because he thought he could stop it with diet and natural cures. 18 years ago I had a melanoma on my arm removed; now I have a scar and I'm still going strong. I wonder how many people have died following the advice in these tapes? If cancer is treated, aggressively, in the early stages then the survival rate is much higher - go where the science is.

      Just wondering what is your naturopath's views are on innoculations?

  • Almighty Dollar on 18/01/2019 - 18:13

    Last month I was talking to an elderly lady who recently underwent an operation that she wasn't expected to survive.

    The Victorian town she lives in has suffered a number of bushfires over the past 130 years. Her legacy has been to work to organise a refuge of last resort for the town (including a massive generator for the water pumps) to keep the residents safe.

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