Do You Split Your Household Expenses with Your Spouse? How?

LRogerSyd on 15/11/2019 - 13:04
Last edited 15/11/2019 - 13:57

Hi Ozbargainers,

I have a rather delicate subject to discuss.

My wife and I both earn almost similar income (decent income); Our expenses are also high – Childcare, Rent, holidays being the biggest culprits. No home loan currently but considering it in the next 2-3 years.

Individual expenses are handled individually but most of our common expenses are paid from my account.

I understand that the married couple should be one unit.
However, I just want to know whether any of you split expenses? and how? (in the proportion of income/ common account for expenses/ one salary for saving, etc.)

Financial

Comments

  • Jugganautx on 15/11/2019 - 19:52

    Mrs chucks 90% of her cash into my account the rest for whatever, i pay for most of everything.

  • lainey13 on 15/11/2019 - 20:04

    Prior to getting a mortgage we used Beemit to split joint stuff equally.
    Now we have a mortgage we purposely have taken out two offsets, each for 50% of the loan. Everything will go into the offsets, and I need to organise a joint credit card in order to put joint expenses on it. Card will be paid off 50/50. If I need maternity leave I will have enough to still pay my half.
    Why pay an extra $10 for a second offset? We both have money we are bringing into this relationship and we have no intention of mixing them together. That's fair that we split things in half but still have access to our own money no questions asked, and it still brings down the interest payable on the loan.
    We earn very similar amounts. I will not have a situation where someone else has control of the money I have earnt. Too many horror stories out there about control, lifting all the money, etc. Of course you don't think it will happen to you but why let it happen in the first place?

    • Donaldhump on 15/11/2019 - 22:09

      Offset in joint or individual names

      • lainey13 on 16/11/2019 - 20:37

        One offset each.
        Loan has two offsets, 50/50.
        Guess I'm the odd one out here but I like it that way.

  • bobwokeup on 15/11/2019 - 20:11
    +5

    Once you get married everything should be shared not split. My opinion is people shouldn't get married if they don't believe that. Trust is obviously lacking if you have to have your own accounts. I've seen it happen with friends and they don't have the best marriage. Not that kind is perfect but we trust each other 100%.

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 22:15
      +3

      I've seen it happen with friends where they move everything into a single joint account and they don't have the best marriage.

      1. Differences in expenditure wants and needs.
      2. No freedom.
      3. One of the couple takes control.
      4. If one is financially irresponsible then they drag the other down with them.
      5. Arguments related to money decisions.

      It's perfectly normal to have seperate bank accounts along with a joint account.

      • tryagain on 15/11/2019 - 22:18
        +2

        Or like all other aspects of a marriage, talk about it, make some sacrifices, get on the same page and set a budget. If one partner is more naturally adept at a task then they take the lead on it.

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 22:20

          So you disapprove of couples having individual and joint bank accounts?

          • tryagain on 15/11/2019 - 22:43

            @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: Disapprove, no.

            • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:38
              +1

              @tryagain: You'll note I never disagreed with anything in your first post other than the trust aspect.

              Each side of the fence has its pros and cons.

              Simplifying it to "have a joint account and talk more" is not the solution. There is no "solution". People are people. Relationships will be different. Finances is just one aspect.

              • tryagain on 18/11/2019 - 12:56
                +1

                @Typical16-bitEnjoyer:

                Each side of the fence has its pros and cons.

                True, but in a healthy functioning marriage, I think the Pro's on the joint finances side outweigh the cons. It's only generally with the somewhat dysfunctional marriages that I find the Pro's for separate finances outweigh the cons. Just my observations though with no objective backing.

                Although this is probably an over-generalisation, I have found those who want separate finances are often those who value the individual higher than the marriage.

                • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 13:13
                  +1

                  @tryagain: Your entire post hinges on there being a single ideal precedent of a healthy functioning marriage.

                  There isn't.

                  Individuals are vastly different. Relationships are vastly different.

                  So yes, your post is an over-generalisation.

                  • tryagain on 18/11/2019 - 16:49

                    @Typical16-bitEnjoyer:

                    Your entire post hinges on there being a single ideal precedent of a healthy functioning marriage.

                    No, but it does rest on there being traits that statistically contribute towards marriages that not only last but are fullfilling. A decent degree of selflessness is a pretty big and obvious one.

    • Roman Sandstorm on 18/11/2019 - 15:26

      @billybob1978

      Once you get married everything should be shared not split. My opinion is people shouldn't get married if they don't believe that.

      Not sure if you are being sarcastic. I hope so.

      If not, the Taliban are calling for your advice.

  • drprox on 15/11/2019 - 20:13
    -1

    Lol this is ridiculous

  • sa5ha on 15/11/2019 - 20:48
    +1

    All of our accounts/credit cards/home loan are joint. We're both comfortable with each others spending habits and value similar things so it works fine for us. We see the money as 'ours' and to be used to provide a good life for both of us and our child.

  • CharityCase on 15/11/2019 - 21:30
    +1

    Who pays for condom

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 22:17
      +2

      Whoever initiates a sexual encounter out of a couple shall be responsible for the respective percentage of the condoms used in the box divided by the amount of condoms in said box upon purchase payable in arrears by the end of the month for each said occasion.

      /s

      • prinsenhof on 17/11/2019 - 11:31

        but what if you buy a box of 100, but you only get to use 2 by the time they expire (18 month expiry). Should she pay for the 98 you had to throw out?

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 17/11/2019 - 18:59
          +1

          You then need document in an excel spreadsheet every attempt at sexual intercourse that was rebuffed by one or the other leading to non-use of condoms. Once this data is calculated it needs to be extrapolated based on the prior history to equal a percentage of the unused quantity of condoms to determine liability.

          /s

    • tryagain on 15/11/2019 - 22:19

      Who is in a long term relationship and still using a condom?

      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 22:21

        Obviously you're not aware of the numerous, numerous side affects of birth control that women have to contend with.

        • tryagain on 15/11/2019 - 22:42

          I guess I am thinking of my stage in life which is post procreation. As then it's often out with the scissors.

      • TEER3X on 15/11/2019 - 22:22
        +4

        Or even has sex anymore

        • tryagain on 15/11/2019 - 22:40

          I deliberately left the comment open to interpretation ;).

    • prinsenhof on 17/11/2019 - 11:29

      neither of us. Your local TAFE usually has them for free in bowls at the cafeteria.

      • Seraphin7 on 18/11/2019 - 13:41

        There is absolutely no way I'm using a franger that's been left out in a bowl in a TAFE cafeteria.

      • ozbjunkie on 18/11/2019 - 22:03
        +1

        We do need to stop TAFE students breeding though.

        /srs

  • kaleidoscope on 15/11/2019 - 22:10
    +1

    Be transparent of both of your incomes/ expenses, personal and common goals.

    Also discuss whats the comfortable savings target is for each one and start dividing the expenses. Main thing is for each one to be comfortable and be responsible.

    Me and my wife have our own personal budgets and savings targets.

    good luck.

  • DemocracyManifest on 15/11/2019 - 23:22
    +1

    Yeah bugger that joint account all the way. Unless your partner is blowing all the earnings on pokies or something

  • maximum on 15/11/2019 - 23:48
    +1

    Married 20 years never had a joint bank account but have a joint credit card and mortgages. We just throw all our money in offset and spend how we wish, but we are both very frugal so really never had to ask about any purchases (except for large ones like cars or houses).

    If I was going to spend more than $1000 I'd discuss it to make sure it didn't leave us short but that's not for permission just courtesy.

  • Morphio25 on 15/11/2019 - 23:59

    My wife and I have been together almost 7 years, engaged after 4 years together and been married for 1 year. Before I met her I had my own house which I paid for everything for because I didn't feel it was right asking her to contribute to expenses even though she was living there and the bills didn't really increase much anyway.

    I sold my house and we moved in to my grandma's 1br flat with the intention of building a new house together but then I lost my job and have only since been back in work for a month now and even then it's only on an 8 month contract.

    When we can go ahead we have enough money that I can pay the mortgage and bills off just my wage. I hope she will work again but we're also wanting to have kids so when we do she'll look after them instead of putting them in daycare.

  • Gelato on 16/11/2019 - 00:26

    Out of curiosity, for those who have a joint account with your partner, have you ever intentionally run through the transactions from your partner?

    If I have a joint acc, I don’t think I’d check my partner but just want to see what others would do lol

    • john_conner on 16/11/2019 - 06:34
      +2

      I know people who’s partner makes them save all receipts and they reconcile every receipt to the account.

      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 16/11/2019 - 11:13
        +1

        I know a couple where one of them export the online banking data into spreadsheets, do pie charts, and questions each transaction with their partner end of each month. I noticed one other post mentioning similar lol.

        Think I'd rather an full ATO audit each FY than that life.

        • Gelato on 16/11/2019 - 18:16
          +1

          oh dear that's pathetic lol

          • srr on 17/11/2019 - 13:25
            -2

            @Gelato: So judging. Of course you know better how to live someone else’s life.

  • gimme on 16/11/2019 - 01:15
    +3

    I manage the whole lot in an ozb way (well 5% of ozbers anyway). Wifey doesn't know wbere the money is and doesn't care. She 100% trusts me. We buy whatever we want but ask each other first. I've done my homework extremely well. She'll never leave me and same here. We both still fit into the same pants from 20 years ago. Happy days.

  • BartholemewH on 16/11/2019 - 01:24

    We had a mortgage before we got married and it was paid 50/50, she would pay groceries, I would pay everything else. Morrtgage is our only joint account. Now with kids and wife not working its 100% out of my account with spending money DD'd to her account. We have our own credit cards.

  • narm on 16/11/2019 - 01:29

    My partner and I both have separate bank accounts where our pay goes into. We then set up a joint account where we each put in the same amount each week. Anything we jointly pay for (our bills, food, entertainment etc) will come out of that account. Anything we buy on our own will come out of our own accounts.

  • Blargman2001 on 16/11/2019 - 01:45
    +1

    We have individual accounts and one shared one. We have an agreed amount that gets deposited in to the shared account weekly. All shared expenses come out of that account. Any excess is our shared savings to be used on holidays, shared investments etc.

  • creesy on 16/11/2019 - 07:34

    We figure out our weekly expenses including mortgage say it’s $1200. Halve that put $600 a week each in the offset account and pay everything from there

    Simple

  • porsche26c on 16/11/2019 - 08:29
    -2

    2 accounts means destiny to fail. you are married its both your money. why do you have 2 accounts? i make double what my wife makes but who cares. we both share in the spoils of her income and what she brings to the household.
    honestly this is why people fail at marriages. because thats my money and thats yours. its not how marriage works.
    i say join everything, spend as you normally spend and not worry. you are 1 unit now so act like it.

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 16/11/2019 - 11:15

      Do you share a single social media profile with your partner?

      • ozhunter on 16/11/2019 - 13:47

        No, but we rarely use it.

        We do have access to each others as we do with our bank accounts.

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 17/11/2019 - 18:56
          +3

          Did you accidentally reply using an alt account?

          • ozhunter on 17/11/2019 - 19:03

            @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: No lol, just sharing how I handle my social media profile, as you seem to be asking some users about it.

  • dcash on 16/11/2019 - 08:30
    -2

    All money goes into my account, and the wife can ask for some petty cash for discretionary spending as required. Doesn't everybody do it that way?

  • MissKitten1 on 16/11/2019 - 08:37

    Happily married and don't have a joint account with my husband. He has two businesses and is a sole trader in construction so his bank account is reflective of GST collected etc.
    Pre kids we just split the bills and my personal expenses were mine to pay etc. Both just smashed the mortgage pre kids. While on maternity leave, hubby paid for most bills/things. Now that I'm working again, I just tell him what the credit card bill is each month and he transfers over more than I do.

  • luffyex2010 on 16/11/2019 - 08:55

    If you/her are planning to have a mistress/toyboy yes then don't share or have a joint account.

    Or if you have bad habits of visiting hookers or buying expensive toys then best just to pay cash.

    If none….why complicate things, it's a big hole for quarrel…or worse invitation for a divorce.

    Only person who I know who does this (it's an insecurity behaviour) is from Hong Kong because his ex Korean wife left him to rot and took everything.

    Note: not all Korean women are like this… not saying as in general just this guy's particular story.

    • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 11:22
      +1

      I'm not sure it's accurate to label it as an insecurity behaviour if it's based on past experience and real future possibility.

      Otherwise secondary parachutes are an insecurity behaviour for people that don't trust the primary parachute packing industry.

  • Hangryuman on 16/11/2019 - 09:25
    +3

    'I have a rather delicate subject to discuss'

    that makes me wonder - if OP has not already felt comfortable to discuss money matters with his wife - what does that suggest about their future communications

    this thread has been a fascinating read - the overwhelming majority are shared account for everything all the way, with a small minority of funny money for odd expenses - all about trust

    which is great for the institution of marriage - a shared institution

    I'm not married and have no kids - but retired with enough - my partner would inherit everything - and we've been together nearly 30 years - I'm never leaving and I think neither will she.

    but a happy read about marriage and those who commit to it.

    • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 11:23
      +1

      I think it's delicate for OP because until recently he has been paying for everything, and his wife recently got a raise and he is intered in her contributing more.

      In to see how that goes.

    • Roman Sandstorm on 18/11/2019 - 15:34

      which is great for the institution of marriage - a shared institution

      Are you paraphrasing Groucho Marx here?

      "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

  • OzHunterNSW on 16/11/2019 - 09:53
    +2

    Come on man, the first date is well and truely over.
    Why should you foot the bill. Anything associated with joint undertakings, bills, food, travel, should be of a shared nature.
    You are in it together.
    Don't tell me you have been paying for all the holidays. Who has been paying child care.
    How much has she got "stashed away"… You both need to be honest… who is going to pay the future mortgage bills.
    Wake up man… the first date is over.

  • JelIyfish on 16/11/2019 - 10:25
    +4

    Get paid into joint account.

    Joint account pays mortgage and bills.

    Beginning of the month $x is transferred to individual account for discretionary spending.

    Best of both worlds.

    • klonky on 16/11/2019 - 10:43

      This is what we do. Makes life simple.

    • supajuicy on 16/11/2019 - 14:16

      SNAP - $X transferred out per fortnight/month (depending on pay cycles) to individual account for discretionary spending - we think of it as an allowance for when we go out separately with friends for dinner/nights out, buying clothes/shoes/beer/toys/etc. … might change if/when kids happen of course.

  • scissorspaperrock on 16/11/2019 - 11:09
    +2

    I honestly don't know the details to my bank account, wife controls all of the money… Leaves me with a credit card though.

    2 Young Kids 5/10 so she hasn't really earn't a dime in 10 years~ but we much prefer this method where she can look after the kids house etc.

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 16/11/2019 - 11:19
      +4

      As someone who has primarily seen and observed situations mainly post separation, regardless how strong your relationship is you need to be involved and know your money and assets. Only one out of a couple handling finances is all good and well until something goes wrong down the track.

      You may be together with them forever and ever but statistics show "forever and ever" is lessening each decade sadly.

      • Orion au on 19/11/2019 - 05:31

        I agree with this. One notable example I've seen recently wasn't because of a relationship breakdown, but because of a death. It left the person in a tough situation of dealing with learning and taking over financial control at a time when they really weren't coping with much (understandably) and added a real extra layer of stress.

  • jonagrah on 16/11/2019 - 11:34

    Pay goes into seperate accounts. We then transfer enough money 50/50 into a joint account which covers the home loan and utilities. We keep a buffer of around $2000 for emergencies.

    • JelIyfish on 16/11/2019 - 13:10

      50/50 as in half your money goes in, or you each contribute 50%?

      • jonagrah on 16/11/2019 - 19:27

        Sorry, we contribute evenly to this account.

        My wife earns more, but has HECS and a few other small debts.

  • CaptainNewspeak on 16/11/2019 - 11:36

    Not married, but living together. Shared expenses, utilities, Rent, groceries, fuel, public transport and everything else we've agreed to go 50/50 on is charged on a credit card which we each pay half of each month. The rest of our pay is our pay.

  • skillet on 16/11/2019 - 12:52
    +4

    My wife is the kids mom, family finance officer and also my business accountant. All I have to do is focus on work, life's good and I like it that way, 22 years married.

    • nahi11 on 16/11/2019 - 14:58

      *mum

  • HeWhoKnows on 16/11/2019 - 14:05
    -6

    What sort of invasion of privacy is this?
    Sorry OP but what we arrange with our partners is our business.
    Furthermore quoting to your spouse what others do will land you in hot water if not divorce.

    Speak to your spouse and work something out.
    And remember…Happy Wife, happy life!

    • idonotknowwhy on 17/11/2019 - 19:04
      +1

      Well it's not like you're forced to provide this information for OP is it?

  • hunterhalo on 16/11/2019 - 14:25

    We share but not right in the middle, i handle the majority of the bills and mortgage, she handles shopping and other minor expenses

  • freshofftheplane on 16/11/2019 - 14:40
    +1

    This should have been be a poll

  • HighAndDry on 16/11/2019 - 14:46

    Set up a separate joint account for joint expenses, and contribute to that account equally. Why are you paying for all common expenses?

  • lonewolf on 16/11/2019 - 15:13
    +2

    Dont make the same mistakes i did. I was with a girl who kept pushing to get married but at the same time during every fight, she would break it off unless she got her way. In the current society we live in, basically i was just told by people around me to just make her happy and it will all be fine. I didnt want to get married or buy a house etc but it all happened as she felt she was getting old and saw all her friends going through it. In the end we did all that. Long story short, she kept walking out of the house and going back to her folks everytime there was something she felt she wasnt getting her way and wouldnt come back till i caved, In the end all the counsellors we tried basically told me i am being abused / am in a DV situation and i need to stand up and say no. So the next time i did that, she never came back and filed for divorce.

    Heres the clincher, she makes more money than me but i basically had put in 469k to her 260k into our home loan over the course of the marriage (partly because she only put in money sporadically and also every time she had an argument with me she would stop putting money into the mortgage for months at at time). Plus i basically ended up paying pretty much 85% of the bills, most of the groceries as well as all our lavish holidays, restaurants, outings, purchases, furniture etc. She didnt have any good credit cards and never really carried much cash around, while i (being on ozbargain) had points earning cards. Household chores were shared, during the separation, she wanted to come by and pick up her clothes and wanted to do it while i wasnt there which i thought was fine. I later found out it had been a ruse to come in and take other items as well one of with was a gold necklace my late father had given to my mum and my mum had let her wear…

    Anyway divorce is almost finalised and she is walking away with about $200k of a total equity of assets (house and new car i had bought her) valued at $350k…. So not only did i pay far far more and basically looked after everything while we were together, she still ends up with around 60% while i end up with 40%…Go figure. Reason being she was after every cent while I was told to just get out as fast as possible to save myself a lot of stress and pain. Plus my lawyer said i can fight back in court and will win but the costs of going to court will be astronomical as opposed to giving some extra amounts now and being done with it. The crazy thing was, she initially wanted $300k… It was just crazy. There was one year where she was changing careers so didnt make much money as she was out of a job and also in training etc, i basically supported her completely that year as she didnt make much payments at all.

    In a way it was my own fault for not being stronger earlier, when someone kept walking out i should have known it was a sign for it to continue even after marriage. I shouldnt have caved in so many times. but i also should have been more careful with finances at least in the beginning. I knew i would never walk out of a marriage but its hard to tell with the other person if they are capable of doing it or not. I mean each situation is different and my parents as well as most of my friends are in marriages where they would never ever give up or consider walking out. What I am saying is you can be sure but also perhaps if there is any doubt or even being cautious at least in the first few years try to keep payments and finances equal. Saying that its hard, because you usually have so much trust in the other person and if you know you wont walk out and have spoken to the other person about it and they are sure then what can you do. But sometimes people say things that they may believe at the time but its the actions that you really need to judge and watch for. I put too much into the words that was relayed to me and not the actions, the actions always made me think that she was capable of leaving at the drop of a hat.

    Luckily i was only married for about 3.5 years and the divorce is pretty much almost finalised.

    • nahi11 on 16/11/2019 - 16:08
      +10

      oh boi. Good luck buddy

    • lainey13 on 16/11/2019 - 20:35

      So, what would you do differently next time? What would you recommend to all those happily mixing everything up together no problems ?

      • lonewolf on 17/11/2019 - 14:29

        I would still say to be positive and i dont think a lot of people out there are selfish or want to just look after themselves. But if the other side ever seems to have any doubts or isnt as keen on putting in financially as much as they can then that might indicate that they are not as confident of making it last as you might be. Also i think there are many signs to look for but more importantly i think a lot of this can be figured out slowly and with a bit of caution and patience. Perhaps start out by keeping everything separate and then once kids come along then maybe integrate more. Its hard to say, each relationship is different, all i know is i have seen quite a few others go through divorces in the past and even when there are no kids involved or it was a short marriage like mine, the men seem to always lose out even if the incomes were similar. I think its partly also due to who is willing or wants to fight it more and prolong it more, and who just wants to go through the divorce process as painless and easy as possible. I think it also depends on who cares about money and material things like that more, probably even trying to organise buying a new home straight away with the money received from the divorce.

        • sardines on 18/11/2019 - 14:02

          I would suggest take a note of who pays mortgage, who pays for food shopping and who does the house work ..Also how much savings and assets you walked into the marriage .. Each year get a print statement from your bank if you pay for mortgage or food shopping. Going back 10-15 years of expenditure is time consuming when you have to request statements from banks then do a spreadsheet to show you were an equal contributor or main etc—- peoples history changes in divorce and both sides are admit that they paid the mortgage and paid for food shopping each week/fortnight

          • lonewolf on 18/11/2019 - 15:41

            @sardines: Banks only have to go back 7 years legally thats the other catch. Plus they dont really care who paid what most of the time, they only look really big picture, unless you are willing to spend around 100k on lawyers and court fees.

    • idonotknowwhy on 17/11/2019 - 19:10

      Sorry to hear that mate, thanks for sharing your experience.
      It sounds like you learned a lot though, and with your financial savvy and earning potential, it won't take too long to get back where you were financially.

    • RogerSyd on 20/11/2019 - 14:07

      Your situation highlights another possible scenario when everything is not going good in a relationship. Better to be in control of individual finances in that case. I can imagine the problems when one of the partners is aggressive and other one is not able to say No. Assertiveness is one of the most important life skills. Good that you are now getting out of it. Take good care of yourself.

  • quanticism on 16/11/2019 - 15:21

    I suppose if you sign a prenuptial, it's best to maintain separate bank accounts to make life easier if things turn south?

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 17/11/2019 - 19:04

      Doesn't make a difference - prenup protects assets prior to the relationship. Individual/joint bank accounts during the relationship won't change a thing. Fair proportion of prenups are not worth the paper they are written on anyways.

  • webtonmoy on 16/11/2019 - 15:37

    We have joint as well as individual account.

    Individual account - gets the salary and then we send all/major portion to joint account. Often we will spend small amounts from the cards of this account if we do not want to share it (for privacy or any other concern).

    Joint account - spend for everything else. We discuss any large or long time purchase.

    I guess, it works if both of the persons share similar ideology about spending. However, OzBargain sometimes lures me into purchasing rather unnecessary things (nothing too expensive). She understands it :P

  • jemmett on 16/11/2019 - 16:16
    +1

    We both still have our own accounts which we get paid into, and from there we transfer a set amount to our joint account each pay to cover bills, food, mortgage, childcare fees, anything for the kids etc. This set up has been in place prior to kids and we just adjust the amount going into joint account as needed. Before kids we paid equally into it, but since kids my partner is only working 2-3 days a week compared to my 4 days a week so I contribute more, around 60-65%. Additionally I often pay for activities we do or weekends away.

    We could put everything into a joint account but we both feel lots of freedom from having some of our own money left after expenses to put to what we want, without judgment. There’s things I spend money on that she wouldn’t (eg travel), and vice versa.

  • [Deactivated] on 16/11/2019 - 16:24

    Pay for all of it. ;-(

  • fozzie on 16/11/2019 - 16:49
    +2

    We share all the accounts. I can’t believe there are couples they don’t, even though it could make sense if in the future you split up.
    On the down said he can never make me any big surprise presents as I always look at how much money goes out 🤣
    On the bright side I can spend whatever I want.

  • Mrokire on 16/11/2019 - 17:15

    YES! because i believe that once you get married you will be one. when to become one :) thats on the bible, all ups and down you going to share it together

  • AMLagonda on 16/11/2019 - 18:11
    +4

    We have shared everything since our first mortgage 3 years into the 27 year relationship, and have worked together for 15 years….

    I must have a strong mind or im insane lol

  • arkie0 on 16/11/2019 - 18:40
    +1

    The financial configuration doesn't matter at all. It comes down to trust and communication.

    We have 2 separate accounts. 2 separate home loans, 1 joint home loan.

    We both have permission to act/enquire on behalf of each other for all accounts.

    We have access to each other's budgets and passwords/pins.

    We talk to each other about income and expenses, and we agreed to split them according to our income, roughly 55/45. Spending we're both frugal and all big ticket items we discuss first.

  • TOKEN8 on 16/11/2019 - 18:45

    We have a joint credit card for all expenses. I just transfer 90% of my pay to that each week, keep a little for a slush fund/fun money.

    She pays the mortgage and tops up the credit card.

    She earns considerably more than me.

  • Dettol on 16/11/2019 - 19:15

    Slate had a series on it quite a while ago: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/home_economics/2011/01/al…

  • ashftc on 16/11/2019 - 19:33

    Two incomes. One property. Everything goes into loan account after family expenses. Clearly once the loan is paid off, house will be owned 50/50. That’s fairness..

  • michelle181 on 16/11/2019 - 19:55
    +3

    These responses are very interesting. It seems most people have a joint account.

    My partner and I rented together for 5 years and had separate accounts but paid 50/50 for utilities, rent, dates, and paid for our own groceries and fun. I'm more of a penny pincher than him so I've always spent less, looked for extra income, tracked and budgeted every cent while he didn't. I always thought this individual arrangement would continue into marriage, I was quite worried about joining with someone who was so casual about money!

    Flash forward to now and we bought an apartment together and that changed everything. Similar incomes thrown into the offset and all expenses (bills and fun money) taken out by either partner. He is always going to have more expenses, e.g. he eats meat and I don't, he has a car and I don't etc. I thought it would drive me mad but it has worked, I love the simplicity of having one account for everything and not trying to track who owes the other, who's turn to pay for the date. Another good thing for couples will be flexibility. At the moment we are DINKS. The situation may change if one of us starts earning more, or we decide to have kids.

    So each couple works best differently, joint accounts work for some and individual accounts work for others. Even arrangements you thought you would hate turn out to be the best option for you. I hope reading these comments can help OP discuss the arrangement with your partner, if you feel it should be more shared.

  • SickMyDuck on 16/11/2019 - 20:20

    We paid 50/50 on almost everything except hobby, lunch at work and personal spending like toys or gadgets for me. We used to have joint account but we found it a bit of a hassle as we didn't link with our everyday account. My partner earns 25% more than me. But I think I still prefer 50/50. Those extra earning she made is for her to decide, imo. But once in a while, my partner will pay extra for something to show her spirit and I, too, reciprocate that (smaller amount of course, but point is the gesture not the figure).

  • SpaceNinja on 16/11/2019 - 23:20
    +6

    Get a mortgage, bank takes everything, no money, no worry.

    • RogerSyd on 20/11/2019 - 14:14

      Seems like this is the most likely scenario :-)

  • Tech5 on 17/11/2019 - 01:52

    So I'm genuinely curious. What happens if one earns the Australian average income, and the other earns 4-5x that? Should everything be split 50/50, or should it be split 20%/80% (In other words, each expense is the same % of each partners income)

    • gimme on 17/11/2019 - 08:30
      +3

      Horses for courses, there's no rules. My thinking is that if you can't share everything irrespective of earning capacity you shouldn't be married. But we (I) did a lot of homework upfront to find someone we want to be with for life. Large proportion of people aren't that pragmatic about marriage and don't necessarily have a high EQ.
      For the record we have multiple acvounts and of course CCs. I shuffle stuff around to maximise total wealth. My wife has no clue or interest in where things are but 100% trusts me. She just uses the ozb CC of the month i hand over to her for incidental expenses and I take care of stuff in the background. Keep joking that i should tell her where things are just in case I drop dead. Been meaning to do it for 20yrs lol

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