Do You Split Your Household Expenses with Your Spouse? How?

LRogerSyd on 15/11/2019 - 13:04
Last edited 15/11/2019 - 13:57

Hi Ozbargainers,

I have a rather delicate subject to discuss.

My wife and I both earn almost similar income (decent income); Our expenses are also high – Childcare, Rent, holidays being the biggest culprits. No home loan currently but considering it in the next 2-3 years.

Individual expenses are handled individually but most of our common expenses are paid from my account.

I understand that the married couple should be one unit.
However, I just want to know whether any of you split expenses? and how? (in the proportion of income/ common account for expenses/ one salary for saving, etc.)

Financial

Comments

                • onetwothreefour on 16/11/2019 - 20:09

                  @jacross:

                  Did you not read the bit where I specifically said: "Keep a joint account for expenses, bills etc." 

                  It didn't seem like I was going to get any genuine dialogue from the first reply above. I directly quoted what he said and that's the bit he thought I didn't read. Maybe my first comment came across and slightly aggressive?

                  • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:44
                    +1

                    @onetwothreefour: You invented an argument that was not in my original or subsequent post. Did you expect me to counter your invented argument?

                    • onetwothreefour on 18/11/2019 - 09:58

                      @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: No, in my OP I asked you a question about what would happen if the wife got pregnant. If it came across as me trying to start an argument that wasn't my intention.

                      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 10:46
                        +1

                        @onetwothreefour: Again, you said that when it has no relevance to the topic or my post, then claimed I stated "So you're saying that you should split things equally" incorrectly - all in attempt to straw man and change the discussion to suit your narrative.

                        In what way does having multiple bank accounts prevent one partner from supporting the other partner financially?

                        • onetwothreefour on 18/11/2019 - 11:05

                          @Typical16-bitEnjoyer:

                          all in attempt to straw man and change the discussion to suit your narrative.

                          Wow, I asked you one question about what happens when/if the wife gets pregnant (which you've barely answered) and you've been on the attack ever since. Please explain how having one partner out of work for an extended period of time has no relevance when it comes to finances.

                          In what way does having multiple bank accounts prevent one partner from supporting the other partner financially?

                          When did I say that? Who's attempting a straw man now?

                          • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 11:26

                            @onetwothreefour:

                            Please explain how having one partner out of work for an extended period of time has no relevance when it comes to finances.

                            .

                            In what way does having multiple bank accounts prevent one partner from supporting the other partner financially?

    • baebee on 15/11/2019 - 14:20
      -1

      Sounds like someone has trust issues.

      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 16:00
        +10

        Actually, someone with trust issues would want a single joint account, and nothing else, so they could track and monitor everything their partner does. I've seen this happen.

        My initial post in no way relates to my personal situation considering I am single by choice. Your attempted target at me personally rather than my post and suggestions is quite interesting.

        • baebee on 16/11/2019 - 07:24
          -5

          Someone with trust issues would want their finances tracked? You are very odd.

      • Hangryuman on 16/11/2019 - 09:03

        'someone has trust issues'

        reminds me of a overseas-born woman friend of my partner who asked me my opinion as an Australian.

        she had her own house in her name before she got married - free and clear title.

        when she got married her husband said 'if you trust me you should sign the house over to me' - not joint title - to his name only !

        she was asking me what to do.

        I said 'just give him your life savings that he could then walk away with'? - 'are you crazy ?' - 'keep it in your name - it sounds like a power play for this guy to 'ask' for you to just 'give' him YOUR house.

        Anyway - she did - sign her house over to him. Last I heard they're still together. Isn't life beautiful … ?

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:46
          +5

          That scenario story makes me deeply uncomfortable. I hope for her sake they have a long and happy relationship.

        • [Deactivated] on 18/11/2019 - 14:51

          Still together because he controls her and now has control of her life savings? Or still together because they are happy and trust each other?

    • this is us on 16/11/2019 - 11:39
      +1

      I'd say if you want to stay happily married you just put everything in the same joint account and you don't have to worry or even talk about separating money and expenses. You obviously must be in a trustful/trustworthy relationship for that. You said you've chosen to be single (probably meaning that you haven't found someone you believed it was worth to share your life with, for whatever reason, but that's my pre judgement-because people judge), and that explains your point of view.

      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:47

        I never said I haven't been happily married. My point of view is from a variety of experiences and observations through family, friends and work.

        • bobwokeup on 18/11/2019 - 10:19

          Just saw this comment though. I've been happily married for 10 years so I'm going on personal experience plus seeing family/friends in similar and worse financial pressure.

    • bobwokeup on 18/11/2019 - 10:12

      I see what you are saying about having individual accounts but if you’re in financial pressure it won’t make a difference how you manage your accounts. It would be worse if you had seperate accounts as you could blame the other half for spending money unnecessarily as you don’t know what they spent it on. You could have an “allowance” of like $100-200 a month (setup an auto transfer from the joint account) for the things you want to buy for yourself or your partner.

      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 10:51
        +1

        but if you’re in financial pressure it won’t make a difference how you manage your accounts.

        Nonsense. Of course it would make a difference. If one partner is financial inept then "joint everything" will drag their partner down with them. Even to the point of bankruptcy. "Trust" and "talking about things" won't do much there.

  • Skramit on 15/11/2019 - 13:53
    +14

    We have 1 joint account, and a shared credit card.

    Works for us.

    I don't understand why married couples need separate accounts, other than for budgeting purposes e.g. $500 is deposited in to each account per month for spending money.

    • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 11:00
      +2

      Other than privacy and having the option to be independent as zeggie argues above, I'd suggest because 1 or both partners are bad with money?

    • try2bhelpful on 16/11/2019 - 11:03

      In our case not a conscious decision, we came with separate accounts and we only felt we needed to combine them with joint things like the house and investments. I don't think either of us think we need to "protect" ourselves.

    • Waffles on 19/11/2019 - 10:34

      I'm also really surprised by people's responses. Following vague barefoot investor logic we pool our money but each get a bit of "splurge". Everything big enough we discuss first but not at some arbitrary cost, just when you'd think about it before immediately committing.

      I do totally agree with the points made about protecting yourself from a partner using finance to control you BUT I'd make the counterpoint that you should LEAVE such relationships.

  • boomramada on 15/11/2019 - 13:55
    +2

    Own accounts, common expenses with joint account, split, start 60:40, now around 50:50, more you earn more you pay (eliminate the gender pay gap), lol.

    • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 11:01
      +3

      What gender pay gap? Lol here we go…

      • boomramada on 16/11/2019 - 17:11
        -1

        There is always a some kind of gap , If one earn fraction of other would 50:50 be fair?

        • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 20:34

          That's not what most people will take you to mean when you say the phrase gender pay gap.

          If indeed you simply mean difference in earnings between partners, didn't a teenager tell you that one mustn't assume all marriages are between heterosexual couples?

          • boomramada on 18/11/2019 - 21:21

            @ozbjunkie: Don't think too hard, I imply gender pay gap as a joke, followed by lol 😉

            • ozbjunkie on 18/11/2019 - 22:01

              @boomramada: Phew, I thought they had got to you too.

              Excuse me for missing the joke, I am currently surrounded and it's difficult to tell friends from feminists.

              • boomramada on 20/11/2019 - 12:05

                @ozbjunkie: Don't be too sensitive plus majority of relationships are still between heterosexual couples?

                • ozbjunkie on 20/11/2019 - 23:45

                  @boomramada: Pretty sure the majority of relationships are between gay guys. They may only last 3 days, but that's about 2 years in straight time.

  • mightyfes on 15/11/2019 - 14:01
    +14

    Have a joint account and share everything. If you can't do this with your current partner get a new one you can trust to always do what is in the best interest of the relationship.

    • baebee on 15/11/2019 - 14:22
      +8

      Yeah, I can't help but assume that those with separate accounts in long-term relationships just simply don't trust each other enough to pool their finances together. Sad really, for both parties, no matter the "justification".

      • onetwothreefour on 15/11/2019 - 14:26
        +2

        Either that or they assume they will divorce one day? I've had only joint accounts with my wife since we got married 13 years ago, she hasn't worked for a lot of that time as she's been at home with the kids. At no point have we ever considered having separate accounts or thought that I earn the most money so I should pay more/less.

        • baebee on 15/11/2019 - 14:28
          +12

          Yep. I personally think that people who are unwilling to join their finances are basically not 100% invested in the relationship.

          • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 16:45
            +3

            @baebee: So you'd consider a theoretical someone who has had a partner for a decade, married them, raised kids, has frequent sharing of bodily fluids, bought and shared a house as not 100% invested in a relationship simply because they like the privacy of their own bank account?

            Should that person also shit with the bathroom door open so their partner can monitor whether they are actually having a sneaky wank?

            I can see this joint bank account discussion leading into discussing joint social media accounts - even more frightening.

            • baebee on 16/11/2019 - 07:17
              +1

              @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: Why is your idea of relationships reminiscent of 1984?

            • ozbjunkie on 16/11/2019 - 11:04
              +6

              @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: Lot of people in this thread seem to equate codependency and enmeshment with intimacy and trust.

              I agree that the real trust issue is "not believing the partner is 100% invested" because they want to retain some control, privacy or or independence and responsibility for their own finances.

              • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:50
                +1

                @ozbjunkie: I find it interesting that the "joint everything" brigade seem more focused on defending their own relationship finance situation leading them to scorn and judgment towards those who don't practice the same. Like they are threatened or something. And there is no alternative but their own otherwise you simply must have "trust issues" or "deeper issues".

                Very interesting.

                • ozbjunkie on 18/11/2019 - 13:29

                  @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: Yep. I've got nothing against people trying to justify their own situations with logic. I mean, surely they have reasoning behind their life choices.

                  But that doesn't necessitate baseless assumptions on how those with different reasoning do/don't really know what love is.

                  I may or may not understand real love, but regardless, no you cannot know my pin number lol.

      • crentist on 15/11/2019 - 17:29
        +13

        Eh, some people completely lose themselves at the slightest whiff of a relationship and try to completely merge identities. Others are more independent-minded or have a need for more space or privacy, even while building a life with someone.

        Whether anyone can trust or be trusted is a separate matter.

        • mightyfes on 16/11/2019 - 11:23
          -1

          No, it has nothing to do with identities. Maybe if your identity is tied to money. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with being materialistic. But, if someone is so possessive about their belongings that they want to keep what they buy private it sounds like they don't feel comfortable sharing or expect some kind of conflict.

          • crentist on 16/11/2019 - 16:03
            +1

            @mightyfes: There’s a big gap between pooled finances and private purchases.

            And I wasn’t talking identities as how a person wants to be externally defined which seems to be how you read it (correct me if I’m wrong). But just their lives in general as guided by however they think.

            As in, some people are simply not as comfortable sharing as much as others.

      • chubbychicken on 16/11/2019 - 09:29
        +7

        Yeah I can’t help but assume that those with joint accounts in long-term relationships just simply don’t trust each other enough to have seperate accounts. Sad really, for both parties, no matter the “justification”.

        See what I did there? Works both ways - don’t assume because you were taught one way of doing this that others don’t have a way that works for them..

  • Seraphin7 on 15/11/2019 - 14:06

    All our income flows through a joint account that maintains sufficient balance from month to month to pay for all expenses. We're each allocated "pocket money" for personal expenses, but otherwise all income and expenses flow through this account, from which everything is paid including our single credit card account.

    Assets are held in various names according to optimising tax outcomes.

  • slow on 15/11/2019 - 14:14
    +18

    I earn double what my wife earns. All our money goes into one account and is shared.
    We have similar spending habits and neither like to waste money, big purchases we discuss.

    Never been a problem in 15 years of marriage, I suppose it would be if one of us wasted money on crap

    • JBucks on 15/11/2019 - 14:34

      I was in the same financial situation for 7 years until we separated (nothing to do with money) and always wondered how people had their own separate account.

      Where do you define what is personal and what is not ?
      Lets say the missus buys a stupid cushion for the couch that you don't need and hate. Is that shared expense ? How about you go and buy a new power tool that you don't really need but just want because its on clearance at Bunnings - is that shared? I've always felt having things this way would cause so many issues about what is shared and what is not, but on the flipside there would be no guilt if personal money was spent on that new shiny gadget you've had your eye on that she sees as a waste of money.

      Also what if your shared pool of money is running low and a big expense comes up for the kids - you've been stashing your personal money away for a new graphics card for your pc and have $800 sitting in there. Is that off limits, and the family / kids miss out because its your personal money ? I would not feel comfortable in that position.

      Perhaps both strategies have their pro's & con's and advocates for both sides can't fathom how the other operates.

      • Room Temperature on 15/11/2019 - 14:45
        +1

        Stupid Cushion
        Discuss it, if both of you want it, shared expense.
        If you don't want it and she does, come to a compromise on a pillow you both like.
        If you can't come to a compromise, that is an individual expense on her part.

        Power Tool
        Is it's primary purpose for maintaining the property you both live in? If yes, then joint
        If no and it's for your personal hobby, it's an individual expense on your part.
        If it's both for the property and a hold, I would argue 100% joint but you could also pay 50% joint, 50% individual.

        Shared Pool
        You would hopefully have a joint savings account for the future and surprise expenses so this wouldn't happen. If not, and it's the situation you gave, spend the money on your kids as they are more important. To recoup the money you put into this expense from your own personal 'stash', put half of the money you would normally put into savings back into your stash until you have made back that $800. That way you still put money away for savings and get your own personal spending back.

        • JBucks on 18/11/2019 - 10:48

          Given many purchases are different, is this the sort of detail you discuss with your partner over each of them ?

          Personally, I would find it nauseating to go through. I like the idea of having some separate money to do whatever you want with, but if it comes with this sort of rigmarole - no thanks.

          • Room Temperature on 18/11/2019 - 11:20

            @JBucks: At this point it's natural, we almost never have to discuss these kinds of purchases as we have similar tastes and views. We each have our own individual spending which also helps for the individual purchases.

            • JBucks on 18/11/2019 - 11:33

              @Room Temperature: How did it go getting to this point though ? Was there alot of discussions over purchases ? And what happened if there was a difference in opinion regarding if a purchase was individual or shared ?

              I don't mean to pry, but I'm in a situation where sharing money in some way is close to happening and I'm very interested in other people's experience.

              • Room Temperature on 18/11/2019 - 11:57
                +1

                @JBucks: No it's totally fine, happy to share.

                Well, we are still quite young, 23, our first time living out of home and working full time has all been together. Meaning that as we've grown more independant and realised these are kinds of things come up, we have 1 or 2 discussions about it and come to an agreement. It just made sense to us, but I can see how someone who has experienced alot more than us might have a different way of looking at finances.

                It might be a hard transition at first, but you don't have to discuss EVERY item, after a couple conversations about purchases you should be able to intuit based on the outcomes of the previous ones. Are there any concerns you have, besides how out of the ordinary purchases are handled?

                As for an example for the layout of our accounts
                Joint
                Spending: Where our salary goes and rent, bills, groceries and our set amount of shared spending money
                Savings: Our main savings, monthly deposit of set amount as soon as salary goes in.

                Personal
                Spending: Set amount of monthly spending goes in every month, this would be where you save for personal items (lunch, games, going out with friends, computer parts)
                Savings: A couple grand for emergencies (like hacking of joint account or one of us goes crazy and runs off with the joint finances)

                • JBucks on 18/11/2019 - 13:13

                  @Room Temperature: Thanks for your comments, we are in very different situations - my partner and I are late 30's, have 2 kids each from previous marriages and our own assets. Even so, its interesting how you have worked everything out and it could work for us.

                  I have to throw another scenario at you based on what you've described as I just can't help myself. You mention Groceries are a joint expense, but buying lunch is a personal expense. So if you make your own lunch at home, that's a shared expense (groceries) but if you decide to buy your lunch - that's personal ? What if you run out of stuff to make lunch with at home and are forced to buy it ? I'm sure I'm taking this way too far, but I'm genuinely intrigued !

                  • Room Temperature on 18/11/2019 - 13:52

                    @JBucks: Again, happy to share! Always good to hear other peoples insights.

                    I can sympathize with your situation, it would be hard to split assets, but even at this point I think joining accounts would be benefical for the both of you. If there are ongoing expenses for the assets, maybe take those out as a joint expense, but I can see how that might get a bit muddy if one of you has much higher expenses than the other. I don't have a solution for that right now I'm afraid, but if you think of something let me know!

                    We are pretty organised with the groceries and lunches, we always take lunches to work, either meal prepped or leftovers from the night before. We plan this stuff every saturday morning over breakfast at a cafe then go grocery shopping afterwards so we aren't tempeted to buy things not on the list.

                    Because our norm is to pack lunch, it's only happened a handful of times in the past couple years, but if I don't have lunch I'll just use my personal spending to get myself something, she does the same. There are definetly times where I've had a rough week and bought something as a treat, but because it's a personal purchase, it comes from my spending.

                    I can totally understand how the above would be much harder with 4 kids. But setting aside 1 hour to just cook a kilo or two of chicken breast and box them into containers with some frozen green beans and broccoli will save you alot of money and time in the long run. Take a jar of dijon with you to work and you're set!

      • baebee on 15/11/2019 - 14:46
        +1

        I don't know about you but when either of us is looking to buy something of value (I dunno like $150+) we discuss it, briefly, depending on value of course. Isn't that what most people do? So there has never been a significant "surprise purchase" by either of us that the other considered a "waste" or whatever.

        I feel like separate finances are just a symptom of deeper trust issues and perhaps inability to communicate effectively in the relationship.

        • slow on 15/11/2019 - 14:58
          +1

          Same here, if I was going buy something for as few hundred $ I would mention it beforehand, and vice versa. I might get "do you really need that?" in return

          I guess it also depends on your financial situation. If you are pretty comfortable and don't have to worry about every cent, and a few hundred $ here or there isn't going to make a difference to your bottom line it's a lot easier

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 16:21
          +5

          I feel like separate finances are just a symptom of deeper trust issues

          Whereas people with separate finances may view a single joint account as being "under the thumb", losing their individual independence and needing permission to spend any of their own income.

          There's views either side of the fence.

          • baebee on 15/11/2019 - 20:21

            @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: That comes down to mutual trust again though….

            • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 15/11/2019 - 22:11
              +1

              @baebee: It doesn't actually.

              It's perfectly fine to have some independence. Healthy in fact.

              What percentage of your family and friends have individual vs. shared Facebook accounts? Do all those with individual accounts not trust their significant others?

              • tryagain on 16/11/2019 - 00:40

                @Typical16-bitEnjoyer:

                individual vs. shared Facebook accounts?

                Not a great example, Facebook doesn't allow shared Facebook accounts.

                • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:32

                  @tryagain: There are so many "Ash n Meg Smith" etc. Facebook accounts that if I had a dollar for each one I could SpaceX to the moon.

              • baebee on 16/11/2019 - 06:39

                @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: You can absolutely have your independence with joint finances if you both have mutual trust in each other… You're describing symptoms and not the actual issue at hand. People with trust issues keep their finances separate.
                Your example is not very good, comparing apples to oranges, and you're moving the goal posts of the discussion to something else.

                Hiding your financial transactions from your partner is not independence. Does your left hand hide things from the right hand? Are they independent despite the fact that they share the same body? If you're invested enough to make a long-term serious commitment such as marriage (i.e. OP's question) you should be able to trust your partner completely and that absolutely includes finances. Anything short of this is a clear indicator of some deeper issue i.e. trust, communication or feelings of inadequacy. If keeping that $9 coffee transaction or the $29 smashed avo makes you feel independent then I'm sorry for you.

                • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:28
                  +3

                  @baebee: Again, trust is a side issue not relevant to what I'm saying.

                  Of course trust is important in a relationship. You don't need to state the obvious.

                  Having some independence, each partner being allowed to be their own individual and have their own individual desires, goals, privacy, space along with joint desires, goals is perfectly healthy and completely normal.

                  Having an individual account does not simply mean your partner cannot trust you nor vice versa.

                  I can see you've committed to the "joint and open everything" brigade and that's perfectly fine. That suits your situation. Good for you.

                  I personally know a couple in their 70s who have 10+ different bank accounts, regularly do their own thing (One is committed to the arts, the other to sports) and they have completely separate finances due to particular reasons. One of the happiest long term married couples I know.

                  Do they not "trust" each other? Are they not invested nor committed - despite them being married for 30+ years?

                  Your situation doesn't reflect everyones situation so trying to thrust your "joint and open everything" policy down everyones throat on this thread is quite interesting actually. It's also very interesting you are making people defend themselves when everyone is essentially sharing their own situations, experiences or observations.

                  In a country where we are finally accepting and embracing that there are family units outside of a man, wife, 2.5 kids and a labrador, I think it goes without saying that there really is no single policy when it comes to relationship finances and blatant statements like yours to undermine those acting different than you is pretty poor.

                  If keeping that $9 coffee transaction or the $29 smashed avo makes you feel independent then I'm sorry for you.

                  This is when you know your opponent has lost the argument. When they attempt personal swipes. I've already made it clear in this thread that I'm single so I have no need to hide anything from anyone.

          • Hangryuman on 16/11/2019 - 09:08
            +1

            @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: 'people with separate finances may view a single joint account as being "under the thumb", losing their individual independence and needing permission to spend any of their own income'

            would these be cat people vs dog people -

            valuing their individual independence vs togetherness ?

    • RubenM on 17/11/2019 - 07:49

      I was just about to post mine, but it's pretty much the same as yours. I make three times the money my wife does (she works two days a week).
      I pay all the bills and things. So much so that my wife actually has no idea how much money is in our accounts as long as her card doesn't stop working.
      We're both quite frugal, but have our vices, hers is a daily coffee and mine is gadgets and cordless power tools (hence being on here).

      Works very well for both of us. I don't think I could be with a spender. The weird thing is that everyone in my wife's family is TERRIBLE with money except for her.

  • Room Temperature on 15/11/2019 - 14:32

    When you say individual expenses, could you elaborte which expenses you have that your wife doesn't and vice versa?

    For me, it's a partnership, money wise it doesn't matter who earns more, who works harder, all the money is pooled together. If one of you works part time or less, pick up the slack with cooking and or chores, helps it be even.

    We have 1 joint account where all expenses and paychecks go, aswell as a small spending budget for going out, we also have a joint savings account for our future. We have a different level of expenses, she has commuting costs, course fees, uniform, work related expenses while I don't, these expenses are required for her to do her job and earn an income, so they come from the joint expenses rather than have her pay for that all by herself.

    Individually, we each have a spending account that we get an equal allowance from our salary each month to spend without judgements from the other person, it's their money, they spend it how they want.

    We also, just incase, have a seperate savings account with a couple grand in it for emergencies, a messy breakup for example.

  • chumlee on 15/11/2019 - 14:58
    +9

    I pay for everything including sex with my wife

    • onetwothreefour on 15/11/2019 - 15:10
      +12

      Does she charge much?

      Asking for a friend.

      • chumlee on 15/11/2019 - 15:41
        +10

        She's not cheap and hardly value for money these days

        • John Kimble on 15/11/2019 - 15:46
          +2

          Does she come too quickly?

          • chumlee on 15/11/2019 - 15:52
            +8

            @John Kimble: Nah that's me.

            Not my fault though. Today everything is about speed. Fast food, fast fashion, faster phones, faster cars but in the bedroom you need to go slow?? I don't get it

        • onetwothreefour on 15/11/2019 - 15:51
          +2

          Guess I'll stick with my current model…I mean my friend will.

      • Ugly on 15/11/2019 - 16:43
        +2

        @onetwothree - A true Ozbargainer. Always on the lookout for a deal

  • Archi on 15/11/2019 - 15:11

    all this has nothing to do with how much you earn or how much you contribute.

    its a marriage, communicate and talk things through and you'll know how much you want to contribute and whether the both of you have a common goal and a vested interest in the relationship.

    its more of a relationship issue than a money issue

  • The Wololo Wombat on 15/11/2019 - 15:12

    We have one big account - all pay goes in an and all major expenses go out

    We then budget how much money we need for everyday individual spending and siphon that off to another account - one for each of us, according to our budgeted needs.

    I never ask a question about how she spends that and she never asked me. If we need to use our shared funds (from the main/big account) for a purchase, we ask the other permission and explain why we're over budget…. Simple and easy.

  • DarthAntz on 15/11/2019 - 15:21
    +2

    I pay rent, electricity, gas, internet and water. Wife (is suppose to) pay for all groceries and shopping. By our calculations, this is suppose to be an even and fair amount.

    • Emerald Owl on 17/11/2019 - 03:52
      +1

      Your apartment/home must suck or you eat like a king

      • DarthAntz on 18/11/2019 - 00:53

        living overseas in the countryside. rent is about $150 a month. Bills are balanced

  • GourmetFoodie on 15/11/2019 - 15:23

    You need to find what works for you and what others do is largely irrelevant as their broader circumstances will be different. It's not really about how much you earn. It's more about how you spend it and what your financial objectives are long term. Most important thing is to communicate honestly and openly. Maybe try a few different options on trial runs and see how it goes.

  • Austaurean on 15/11/2019 - 15:52
    +4

    We have 1 joint account and our own private accounts, generally because we had our own accounts 1st, so kept those and started a joint. Our pays go into our own individual accounts.

    We have a budget that accounts for all expenses divided into a fortnightly amount, then we both put in, % of income wise, into the joint account to cover all expenses.

    We then have our own accounts for residual money to do whatever with.

  • redpump on 15/11/2019 - 16:12
    +3

    1 joint account where all income goes into, 1 credit card and supplementary card for the husband. I record all electronic expenditure on spreadsheets and catergorise them. Quarterly and yearly pie charts to track spending and donut charts for spending vs. saving ratio. All big expenses are discussed before purchasing. Little purchases are fine without discussion. Going pretty good so far as we have similar income and both don't spend frivolously (although I like to impluse buy some random junk on OzB).

    • Roman Sandstorm on 18/11/2019 - 15:09
      +3

      Quarterly and yearly pie charts to track spending and donut charts for spending vs. saving ratio.

      Oh yeah. For the report to the 'family AGM'.

      Life doesn't get much better than this.

  • try2bhelpful on 15/11/2019 - 16:30

    Most of our accounts are separate but we have joint investment accounts. When we bought our house we lived on the smallest wage and put the biggest wage into the home loan, had is paid down quite quickly. Once the house is paid off this strategy makes it easier to save as you aren’t used to spending two wages. Frankly we consider everything is for both of us so everything goes through the credit card then one of us pays it.

  • EightImmortals on 15/11/2019 - 16:37
    +3

    1 shared account after we got married, over the the years we have had equal and unequal incomes to where we are atm where wife is the main breadwinner and we do not fight over money. We can each buy what we want but out of respect any MAJOR spends/investments are not done without prior discussion. We entered into the marriage as equals and will not let something like changing money situations mess with that relationship. Running a household takes many things and money is but one of them.

  • rheem on 15/11/2019 - 17:06
    +3

    All of our income goes into a shared account which is used to pay for anything which we both get benefit like bills or a dinner out. Any purchases over $150 we just let each other know and the other can veto it if they think it's a bad idea - I don't think we've ever actually used the veto.

    We both have our own personal account which we transfer 200 a fortnight into and can be used for anything we want.

  • design2last on 15/11/2019 - 17:13

    We each have everyday accounts where our corresponding pay gets deposited. We have two joint credit cards, one for travel and one for everyday purchases. Each of us has automatic transfers setup to go into multiple different savings accounts (travel, kids, emergency), a cash investment account and we transfer a fixed amount into a joint everyday account which we use to pay off the credit card each month. We top up the joint everyday account as necessary to cover unusually high credit card bills.

    Whatever is left we use for whatever each of us wants and we have complete control over this money. If it builds up we transfer excess to one of the savings accounts.

    In the future I guess it makes more sense to just have a joint everyday account with both pays deposited into it and then separate accounts for funny money but I can't be bothered organizing it for now as what we do has been working for years.

  • [Deactivated] on 15/11/2019 - 17:20
    +2

    Married for 15 years and never had a joint account. All expenses were split equally before the kids arrived and more equitably afterwards depending on who is earning more. My wife even did a few jobs while on maternity leave and contributed to the household expenses when there was no expectation whatsoever that she did so. If we ever were to go our separate ways, I would happily sign over half of everything that we own to her.

    • Donaldhump on 15/11/2019 - 19:37
      +5

      You want 50 percent, you are being optimistic

      • [Deactivated] on 15/11/2019 - 20:35

        One word : 'pride' . She would never ask for more than she thought was rightfully hers. When we separated a couple of years ago, she didn't even bother to ask me for child support, let alone her 50% of what we own.

        • Donaldhump on 15/11/2019 - 20:39
          +1

          That’s very admirable

        • Viper8 on 17/11/2019 - 11:15
          +1

          That might be the case now, but people can be spiteful when they divorce. And the courts don't like men.

    • try2bhelpful on 16/11/2019 - 09:30

      Partnership is all about the ebb and flow. No kids but I was luck enough to land the better paying jobs so I’ve got more assets, but I wouldn’t blink at handing half to the man. I think it is the only way we could disentangle anyway :).

  • Herbse on 15/11/2019 - 17:54

    If a joint spending account scares you, balance the feeling out with a joint savings account.

    • baebee on 16/11/2019 - 07:20
      -2

      I'd go as far as if a joint account scares you, you probably have bigger issues in your relationship.

      • Roman Sandstorm on 18/11/2019 - 15:19
        +4

        @baebee
        Just about all your comments in here seem to indicate your view of a 'relationship' is that of total mutual co-dependence. And that anyone who does not fit this model has "bigger issues in" their relationship.

        There are many, and very obvious, reasons for personal financial independence within relationships, not the least of which is the fact that most relationship end. So many people succumb to the patriarchal paradigm, and to the myth of 'happily ever after', and/or 'true love'.

        Wake up. This is not the 1950's. Neither is it Saudi Arabia.

  • d86 on 15/11/2019 - 17:58

    I pay for everything including mortgages, and I personally never even thought of splitting expenses. There's no point to do so IMO.

    • [Deactivated] on 15/11/2019 - 18:45

      Why not?

      • Soluble on 15/11/2019 - 18:51

        Partner makes $0? Becomes hard to split

  • dufflover on 15/11/2019 - 19:47

    Those that demand joint accounts for a combined income sound more entitled than someone who is trusting. They do not trust their partner to contribute to the relationship in a fair and decent manner, including cases where say a higher earning partner is willing to splurge on say a surprise present or holiday or whatever for the other.

    I mean sure joint accounts can serve as good money management, but that's a different motive to the issues of ownership and control of what's in it.

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