Anxiety from not getting a Bargain

ngw3 on 03/06/2020 - 14:09

Dear fellow bargainers,

Just some background, when it comes to shopping, I've always been very particular on items, I always want to get the best value items in the store. I think I have mild OCD, e.g. I would sometimes check the stove a few times to make sure that I definitely turned it off etc.

So I sent my partner to the store to get a few things yesterday. I even sent him the photos and warned him not to get them if the store doesn't have the exact same items. He came back with the items I needed but they weren't exactly the brand I wanted/the photos I sent him. The items he got were more expensive.

I felt anxious thinking about it today, then I realised that I might have some sort of psychological problems. I think there are other factors that contribute to this anxiety apart from money, I just feel uneasy knowing that there are something cheaper out there and we could have gotten the cheaper ones.

Has anyone experienced something similar? And how do you deal with it?

General Discussion

Comments

  • cynicalmike on 03/06/2020 - 14:12
    +10

    i'm still hanging on for another bunnings drone pricing error

    • Hellcrusher3304 on 03/06/2020 - 15:52
      +2

      We need an Ozbargainer working as an intern at Bunnings

  • holdenmg on 03/06/2020 - 14:16
    +4

    You could just shop online and get exactly what you wanted

    Otherwise, you need to exchange your partner…
    Tell them it isn't them, it's in the ACL.

  • trustnoone on 03/06/2020 - 14:19
    +4

    And how do you deal with it?

    I try to look at things from a time vs price sort of thing. For example if I saw something I want, but its $20 more then the cheapest price. I ask myself if to me I'd be willing to pay that $20 more to get it ASAP, or to not have to deal with checking etc. Sometimes it is, especially for something that is unknown, I feel better to rationalise it that way when I see it go on sale for better.

    I would sometimes check the stove a few times to make sure that I definitely turned it off

    I'm not a doctor or anything so maybe worth checking out with someone, but before I leave (especially for somewhere for a long time) I just take a picture of the stove/plugs etc. Then I check the photo and know its off, I know it sounds iffy but may help.

    • jace88 on 03/06/2020 - 15:32
      +2

      Just wanted to say I also think like you. I used to go out of my way to save a few cents and on principle, I didn't want to pay more for something which I didn't need to, and let's not forget free shipping right?

      But nowadays I am a bit more mindful on the value of my time/effort, and whether or not the saving is worth the cost. Honestly it used to be exhausting to always try to get the absolute best price so nowadays I've accepted that I sometimes won't be able to do this and it's okay.

      As for the stove - I can't say that's something I have but I always double/triple check I've locked the front door or garge or the car. I just feel more comfortable knowing that I've checked something again myself (reminds me of the Home Alone movies when the parents try to work out what they'd forgotten to do), but the mitigating factor is having an Arlo camera which I can check remotely without having to go back and check should I forget. This might work for your stove situation too with any internet camera.

  • ShortyX on 03/06/2020 - 14:21
    +3
    1. Concentrate and intentionally slow down your breathing. Reinforce the thinking that everything will be ok.
    2. Find something that calms you - take a walk, go for a jog, read, write, sing, etc
    3. Talking to a health professional is ok
  • [Deactivated] on 03/06/2020 - 14:22
    +2

    This is an article on FOMO and how to cope with it. If those strategies don't work for you and you're still feeling anxious, take a break from ozbargain. I've done it a couple of times over the years and found it beneficial.

  • PissLUR on 03/06/2020 - 14:31

    talk to your GP.

  • skid on 03/06/2020 - 14:43
    -3

    I think you're normal and I'm the same. The problem is with your partner who did not follow specific instructions. Maybe you need to emphasise it a bit more or take more photos from different angles. Unless I have problems too. I deal with it by buying things myself.

    I too regret missing out on the bunnings drone deal. I woke up early that Saturday but chose to eat breakfast. Drone > Bacon and eggs.

    • Roddi on 03/06/2020 - 16:03
      +3

      Sorry, this is terrible advice.
      Partner being less particular than OP isn't an issue. Partners are different, it's often annoying :), but it's part of the deal.
      You can only expect them to get it basically right, which is what happened here.
      If OP needed it done exactly her way, she should have done it herself.

      Changing partners with ongoing micromanagement really, really doesn't work.
      Doubling down on the instructions and photos may, over time, just make partner feel he can't be trusted with simple tasks.
      OP, if you're going to go down this road, please discuss with your partner first and make sure he's OK with it - for years and years.

      Or put another way - partner not sharing OP's specific anxiety isn't a problem. The solution isn't him acquiring her anxiety and making his own - because that's what he'd need to do, to do things her way 100% of the time.

      • Mentallysick on 04/06/2020 - 09:45
        +1

        100%.

        I have same issue with my Mrs. I always can wait for a bargain but Mrs. wanted me to get it straight away without waiting or browsing in internet. We have arguments many times on this. Also, I always wanted to apply CCs for getting FF points but she hates opening and closing accounts. Yes I always make her apply and cancel after sometime as well. As I think we can save more if both of us follows these footsteps but my Mrs, does not really care about money. She always tells me it is not worth it trying to save a penny all the time. I have stopped asking or buying anything on deal now that she wanted. Trust me it hurts seeing her spend money without looking for deals. :(:(:(

        • Roddi on 05/06/2020 - 13:39

          "but my Mrs, does not really care about money" - mate I hear you.
          Same with mine. Coincidentally, she's not the one who has to go out and earn it either.
          But perhaps being ozbargainers we are a bit sensitive about this :)

  • try2bhelpful on 03/06/2020 - 14:54
    +1

    I’m a bit the same but I just try to step back and think about the significance of the price difference over the purchases I do in a year. No matter when you buy something the next week you will see it cheaper. You just need to let it go. I agree with the exercise comment. Go for a good walk, do some gardening, just getting out into the fresh air helps. I’m also a touch OCD. If I’m on my own I have to check all the doors and windows are locked before I go to bed even if I haven’t touched them since I got home. When I do this I concentrate and tell myself, “I have checked …, and it is OK.” That way you don’t just glance and wonder if you really looked properly later on.

  • The Wololo Wombat on 03/06/2020 - 15:03

    I deal with anxiety by imaging the worst possible scenario and then nihilistically telling myself that it doesn't matter. The worst possibility is pretty much always death.

    Worried about being late to work? Who cares if your boss gets mad and you lose your job. You're going to die someday anyway and be too sick/old to work.

    Worried the stove will burn down my house? Oh well, all the memories won't matter when you die.

    Worried I'll die. Oh well, doesn't change anything but a few years, you won't even realise you're dead/will be in a better place.

    Of course, I only use this logic when the anxiety is clearly, logically stupid. Which is 99% of the time I feel anxious. I know it sounds insane, but I basically have zero anxiety at all times and that helps me be successful in life. I don't use this logic when calculating real risk.

  • DarthAntz on 03/06/2020 - 15:13

    Buyers remorse. Google it, read up other people's stories. That'll make you feel normal and help you get over your anxiety here.

    It's very natural to feel buyers remorse after a big purchase, or after buying something you have had on your mind for a long time. After a week or two you will forget about the ill feelings.

    You'll be fine, feel better.

  • zzymurgy on 03/06/2020 - 15:18
    +3

    I sent my partner to the store to get a few things yesterday.

    Put it this way. You're a member of this website, which helps you save money on all kinds of things. You've probably saved hundreds or even thousands of dollars over your time on this site, right? Plus of course you do your own research and always make sure you're getting a good price.

    A few extra dollars on groceries is not going to kill you. Think of it as giving a little back for all the great savings you make on other things.

    • cynicalmike on 03/06/2020 - 17:38
      +3

      You've probably saved wasted hundreds or even thousands of dollars over your time on this site, right?

      FIFY

  • p1 ama on 03/06/2020 - 16:23
    +3

    Not sure if this is valuable advice, but you need to value your time more.

    I love bargain hunting, but I enjoy the competitive/gaming aspect of it more so than the actual bargains themselves. I've definitely spent more money on things I don't need when getting a bargain vs. saving money on things I do need. However, it's fun to try and snag a bargain and sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, but I don't beat myself up about it because it's just all for fun.

    If you're letting it get to you where the difference of a few $ is really playing on your mind, then I think you've taken this all too far. My own personal experience (from having friends and family in this situation) is that you haven't learned to deal with risk properly. If I may guess, you've probably never invested much, never really gambled much, never really got into competitive sports/gaming…etc.? Let me know if I'm wrong, but I think this is a really worrying trend that I see, which is that many people do not know how to deal with risks and loss. When you learn how to compete, you learn how to deal with loss.

    My own personal experience is that I used to be a swimmer (not competitive, but competitive enough at a local level), I gambled a fair amount when I was younger, and I play a lot of games. This has taught me how to deal with risks and losses really well. If I failed to get a bargain this time, it's just like losing a swimming race or losing a game. I cop it on the chin and move on, in some sense, it's taught me how to be resilient and I'm really thankful for that.

    Maybe you need to get out there a bit, challenge yourself, fail sometimes, succeed other times and you'll find that sometimes losing a little here and there will bother you less. Most people grow up without ever having to compete, which is a shame because competing teaches you a lot about how to deal with risks, loss and failure. Being competitive in anything means you have to deal with losing a crap load before you ever start winning. I think it's valuable.

  • Zeph101 on 03/06/2020 - 17:56
    +7

    Whenever my Mrs asks for something in particular from a store, and I'm not 100% sure, I always take a photo and get her to confirm if she wants it or not.

    • Laurana on 04/06/2020 - 01:02

      You’re a good man, and more husbands should follow your example.

      • Mentallysick on 04/06/2020 - 09:48

        yes because my Mrs. is annoying if i don't get what she wanted.

  • [Deactivated] on 03/06/2020 - 18:06
    -1

    Those technical psychological terms should only really be used by professionals.

    On a more useful level, using the word 'I' less has been shown to improve happiness.

    Are you aware that you used the word 'I' 16 times in that post?

    • try2bhelpful on 03/06/2020 - 18:13
      +1

      It depends on whether you consider “happness” an improvement.

    • cynicalmike on 03/06/2020 - 19:31
      +1

      possible narcissistic personality disorder

      -ozbargain professional diagnosis

  • Mechz on 03/06/2020 - 22:08

    Think of it like a finders fee. If you want it exact, sometimes you gotta do it yourself.

  • MeesusEff on 04/06/2020 - 00:35
    +2

    Ah yes, my husband is the type that buys whatever he feels like, whereas I will only buy snacks and stuff if it's at least 50% off.

    Today he came home with a bag of those Coles "pack it yourself" Chocolate Almonds for $15.90. I saw red LOL. I just close my eyes and think about how much money I save instead and internally swear a lot (sometimes external too) . This is why we don't exchange presents at all, we just get whatever we want when it's on sale.

  • SomeGuyOnOzB on 08/06/2020 - 23:42

    Some ideas

    1. Check you are getting enough sleep at regular hours eg between 10.30pm to 7am
    2. Check if there is stuff causing you stress in the present or past that wasn't dealt with
    3. Look at possible savings in terms of the overall pictures of yearly income and expenditure
    4. Have you chatted with your partner about this?
    5. Discuss with a GP that you trust. They may be able to refer you to a therapist that you can chat to (referral can make it cheaper)
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