What Is Your Weekly Spending in a Relationship?

Hey guys, I am currently living with my GF for 3-4 days a week. Usually, I cover 90% of spending over 3-4 days. It's roughly 250-300 bucks a week on eat-out and grocery cost. Am I spending too much?

Comments

  • +162 votes

    Yes.

  • +119 votes

    Bloody hell. Yes.

  • 250-300 bucks a week on eat-out and grocery

    Can I be your girlfriend? no homo

  • Ha! Wait until you have kids.

    • What is a reasonable amount in your opinion if staying 3-4 days a week?

      • It looks about normal. it also depends on what you earn as well as a percentage. I'd cut back a bit if this is between a third to a half of your maximum income.

        Make sure you put a little bit away as savings as well.

        • Thanks - it's a good suggestion. What is a good percentage to spend in your view? 10% of post-tax income?

          • @nick10292: Thats up to you to work out your budget, it'll depend on what other bills you need to pay. I'd sit down and work out what you need to spend each week and how much you want to save as well.

            Just so you know, my family of 6 spends about the same as you per week on groceries and we don't order any takeout, and we eat very well.

          • @nick10292: The answer to this question is really"as much as you can". Money makes money, the more you put away early the better. 10% is what I often here from people, but I would say start at double and think about doubling that

          • @nick10292: I would say it also depends on the stage of your relationship and commitment level from both sides. If you see it as a committed, long term relationship which may convert into a marriage/ family sooner or later, then the % really doesn't matter too much and there can be more flexibility.

            Obviously, this applies if you are of the view that family income should be put in one common account (or jointly and prudently managed, to put it simply), irrespective of who earns what. Millennial generation may call it a bit old style and lacking the individual freedom/ security, but it still works in case of most families with a stable relationship. If it clearly isn't a long term relationship, then I will be careful about the financial matters from day one. At the end, to each their own. People cannot gauge your relationship and tell what's right or wrong. You need to take a call based on all these factors, in addition to your income, her income, etc.

      • +26 votes

        What you spend now is more than the wife and I spend over 7 days.

        • Yep, we've got 2 kids as well and spend between $150-250 per week on groceries. Eating out is basically nothing at the moment though!

        • Family of 6 here, that 300 is our weekly spend, if not a little more.

          • @Ahbal: Family of 9 here (2 adults, 7 children) and 250-300 is our weekly spend, and that's all butcher meat as well - OP must be having caviar every day that ends in 'Y'

      • What's your normal for 3-4 days a week when you are by yourself?

        It will be the same number (unless your GF is looking after your kids).

  • +4 votes

    Depends on what she is earning and what she pays for

    • And what living with gf means. If it’s her house and she’s paying rent, then $250 a week on food might not be enough.

  • I don't spend that much and I have 4 kids.

    Also why do you cover 90%? What does she cover?

    • She occasionally buys some grocery but it's barely anything. She now agrees to cover 50% when we eat out. Since every couples are different, I want to see what other people are doing.

      • In pre-COVID times, my boyfriend paid for everything but really I’m fine if he wants to split it, after all I’m working as well. But he insists on paying as he earns much more so whatever.

        But in recent times, we have only eaten out once a fortnight because of the economy. No coffees and boost either. Salaries are still the same but just a bit scared of what’s to come.

        If I were in your position, I would split food costs equally when eating out or food delivery. So If I were the guy, I would offer to pay for the full bill first, and ask her to transfer the money to my account each time we eat.

        Also groceries I would take turns buying, so maybe I’ll buy for the next 2 weeks and he would buy the 2 weeks after. If she buys “less” during her week of grocery shopping, there’s something to consider to think about.

      • Whos rent are you living on? Bills? There are more expenses than just food.

      • If you are ok with it, its up to you. I have been burned going down the route of paying for everything, i always figured it would work itself out but some people just take advantage of it. I have had exes who appreciated it and also acknowledged that fact and even offer to pay a little bit back when we broke up. but then i have also had exes and a ex wife who used it completely to her advantage and kept a secret private bank account where all her funds went to while i kept paying majority of everything from mortgage to extravagant holidays to bills and going out.

      • Is your partner in financial difficulties?

        If not this sounds very very very wrong.

        If so this sounds like a fine line between helping out and hurting.

    • nudge nudge wink wink

  • Those AI bots have gotten much smarter

  • Whos staying there for the rest of the week ?, you're clearly feeding the other dude who lives there when you're gone.

  • $65-$100/day…

    Wtf? Lol must have expensive taste in takeaway

    • Yeah, Maccas is enough for me 😂

    • +6 votes

      Uber eats three times a day.

    • Let's call it $66.
      Split that into three meals, $22.
      And say there's two persons eating, $11.

      …doesn't seem too outrageous when looking at $11 alone.
      Bruh moment, when you add it all up, that's definitely luxury living for the boyfriend, when you factor he's getting meals cooked (and maybe delivered) on a daily basis. It's basically a royal living for the girlfriend who doesn't have to buy, prep, cook, or practically spend anything.

      In a year, he's spending anywhere from minimum $10k, to around $15k, and upto $20k on food. Feels bad man, at least to tightarses like myself. Maybe he's well-off, or high income earner. He could definitely save himself $10k per year, then chucking that mullah into an investment account, and he would have a home deposit in no time. Although I shouldn't judge because I've been struggling to support and pay everything these past three years for my blood family, so they're pocketing +$40k cash yearly each. I'm kinda young, no wife/kids, generally live frugal. Past year I had to spend all my house deposit savings to stay afloat. Oh, everything means 100% of basically everything: rent, leccy, water, NBN, phone, food, and all the furniture/appliances. Wouldn't be too bad if I was on an Average Wage or high income earner or well-off, but I'm very much in the Median bracket. edit: ah, forgot they pay for their own fuel, and the rest they spend on luxuries like going out, or buying junk etc etc.

      • Maybe he's well-off, or high income earner.

        I'm not a high earner by any means (barely enough to pay tax) but I try not to live too frugally, the way I see it, money does a lot more when not sitting in a bank account, spending generally means someone else's salary and help keeps everything turning …right?

        • "spending generally… keeps everything turning, right?"
          Yes, but no.
          What you're describing is consumerism. And it is necessary to an extent. When you have conditions for war, like we are now with covid, then it is not desirable. And even during normal conditions, it needs to be tempered.

          I keep thinking about the Japanese. They have a culture, or a social habit, which discourages hoarding and consumerism… instead focuses on cleaning and minimalism. On top of that, they're very secular and highly emphasize education and honesty. That's one of the reasons they were able to frog-leap many nations pre-1900 and bounce back from post-WW2 rather quickly. Though certainly not perfect, just look at their dubious justice system and transparency.

          Back to Consumerism, this is a very USA ideology. Despite it's complex flaws, what happens is that other nations take note, follow suit, all in the name of whataboutism (they do it, so should we, otherwise we can't compete BS). If you have difficulty grasping this notion, think of Environmental Impact: it is more economical to be careless, but international climate change is a real issue. So if countries keep racing to see who will be last in climate reform for their economical reasons, it's merely passing the buck further and further on.

          Now we need to reframe, the USA is the world's economical leader. And with other first-world nations following them… yeah of course it's a recipe for disaster. That's why many people much more knowledgeable than me can confidently say the world's economy is unhealthy. Oh and that's before 2020 just to eliminate the scapegoat. The people at the top have this circle-jerk mindset, they use their position, power, influence, and wealth to keep the status quo. So wealth practically never trickles-down. Remember the multimillionaires used to be taxed +70% during the great international economic boom from the 1950's. Lately the same demographic is paying closer to under 30% in taxation. So what keeps this status quo? Marketing is a weapon used to keep the status quo, and so is Controlled Media, and poor education/non-critical thinking people.

          If you ignore reality, well reality tramples you.
          That's why tightly controlled narratives from the left, pathological dogma from the right, and oppressive regimes from the east are all dangerous to both individuals and groups of people. Consumerism is merely a product of the current state of affairs.

          • @Kangal: Yes I agree with a lot of what you said actually and I can see how my comment could be read as 'consume, consume, consume' but I have always advocted for a simple, minimalist way of living because I believe most people in the Western world are consuming beyond our means. I had a discussion before about travelling, such a small percentage of people do it yet the environmental impact is (both direct environmental damage and climate change) massive that every one of us should really think twice before doing it yet there was someone on another thread said he'd fly to japan for a weekend often. What I meant by consuming is that I could make my own pizza, noodles or whatever, never eat out and save some cash, but by buying out, I'm supporting local people making a living and we all benefit. In that sense, I try to make my dollar go the furthest and sometimes that's not with me like buying Australian made products even though it may be more expensive but knowing the people who made the product had better working conditions or donating to local charity. In those aspects I try not be frugal.

            So wealth practically never trickles-down. Remember the multimillionaires used to be taxed +70% during the great international economic boom from the 1950's. Lately the same demographic is paying closer to under 30% in taxation. So what keeps this status quo? Marketing is a weapon used to keep the status quo, and so is Controlled Media, and poor education/non-critical thinking people.

            yeah exactly, when it comes to big businesses I don't feel the same way. I seldomly buy anything at RRP from big companies. Some people support lower taxation because they think they might get there one day haha or see it as an 'attack on the rich'. But there's rich and then there's having so much money that you couldn't spend it in 100 lifetimes, in that sense, it should be redistributed, people think they earnt it and worked so hard but realistically, the money is earnt from everyone else. It's a measure of production from everyone but at the end of the day, instead of everyone getting a fair share back, it all goes to a small percentage whom mostly got their through nepotism and educational advantages. But also, it's taxed at a lower rate than if it was redstributed to everyone (I think Warren Buffet said he's paying a lower tax rate than his secretary) so in that aspect, it's really screwed up. I don't blame the rich on getting rich, I think naturally that is what happens, it's almost inevitible, like Monopoly, play for long enough and one person gets everything. The problem is, that's now how we want society to play out so we have to take more from the rich and give some back to everyone, hell even when I play monopoly I feel terrible when someone lands on my property and they don't have enough to pay let alone earn millions of dollars and avoid taxes. That's just unfair.

            • @bkhm: +1
              The problem is that consumerism is a very slippery slope. You need some of it to sustain modern society. But it's very easy to fall into the trap of making a habit of spending money instead of saving it or investing it.

              That's what the top 5% fear the most.
              Fair Taxation, and the tragic loss of their wealth creating machine (the people rising up, being enlightened and saving or investing, not spending).

              The only thing to keep in mind is that it is a vicious circle. The only way to break the wheel, is to implement change in yourself first, and empower education for the next generation. We've seen how the economic landscape has shifted through the control of the Boomers and GenXers, and much of the current political clash seems to be coming from the Millennials who grew up with Windows XP, the Internet, and ideals such as equality. That is why Chinese citizens are in a horrid predicament, since they don't have access to the unbiased internet, nor unbiased media, or even unbiased education system. They're under strict information control. However, most European countries, UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and some others are lucky since we have less controlled information and systems, and very little corruption. Sure some oddities gets through the cracks (looking at you "The Project") but it's not as convoluted as say USA, or as deceptive as South Africa's landscape.

              Likewise I try and buy Aussie groceries to cook at home, and pay a little extra than the No Brand stuff cause I know that's a much cheaper product with a much larger profit margin lining the pockets of Colesworth. I also do this for Free Range eggs, and even beer (though I've stopped drinking mostly). That is measured, and positive, because I was going to spend the money anyway for the necessities. However, if the price difference is huge between imported and local (eg +$500 per year). Then you should stick to the imported produce as that's the more ethical thing to do. There are some things we either locally or nationwide aren't able to produce cheaply, and supporting it is inefficient and throwing money at a bad business model. I don't have any off-hand examples for this (maybe cars?).

              Samsung has increased the RRP of their Galaxy S/Note devices past Apple. They know huge discounts come only few months after release. And so these discounts are the true RRP. For instance, new Note is released at $2,000 and it will likely drop to $1,500 very shortly, and right before the next model is announced it will be on clearance for $1,100. If you remember back, they used to be priced at $800 on launch. So your tactic of paying less than RRP doesn't work here. It also doesn't work with many other products.

              You kind of have to think three times before buying anything anymore:
              1) Is this cheap price for this product?

              2) Regardless of the logo and competitors does this represent good value for my circumstance?

              3) Should I actually buy this product?
              (ie Would I even use this product, is it just eWaste, does the proceeds go to local or national interests, etc etc)

              ….it's been a hundred years but the old adage of vote with your feet (and your wallet) still rings true today.

              • @Kangal:

                very little corruption

                Relatively very little corruption haha

                The only thing to keep in mind is that it is a vicious circle. The only way to break the wheel, is to implement change in yourself first, and empower education for the next generation.

                I agree, it's very hard to get people to take personal responsibility either for the society we live in and the climate change we are causing. Their argument is generally along the lines of 'what I do as an individual doesn't matter' and whilst statistically they're right, they miss the point of cumulative effects (i.e voting), hopefully encouraging those around you to do the same but most importantly passing it on generationally so to break that cycle. I'm not saying it's the only solution or that it's the most effective but it's the easiest to start. I could imagine the same argument being made by slave holders as well back in the day.

                Likewise I try and buy Aussie groceries to cook at home, and pay a little extra than the No Brand stuff cause I know that's a much cheaper product with a much larger profit margin lining the pockets of Colesworth. I also do this for Free Range eggs, and even beer (though I've stopped drinking mostly). That is measured, and positive, because I was going to spend the money anyway for the necessities. However, if the price difference is huge between imported and local (eg +$500 per year). Then you should stick to the imported produce as that's the more ethical thing to do. There are some things we either locally or nationwide aren't able to produce cheaply, and supporting it is inefficient and throwing money at a bad business model. I don't have any off-hand examples for this (maybe cars?).

                It's nice to know I'm not the only one who goes through such a complicated through process when buying something other than looking at the price tag haha! I agree with all those things, I just thought I'd be too convoluted to try and consider exceptions/I'd probably butcher it, definitely not as black and white as 'buy expensive, Australian made where possible' but just try to consider where my money could be going with the options I have. I understand not everyone has this luxury though.

                Samsung has increased the RRP of their Galaxy S/Note devices past Apple. They know huge discounts come only few months after release. And so these discounts are the true RRP. For instance, new Note is released at $2,000 and it will likely drop to $1,500 very shortly, and right before the next model is announced it will be on clearance for $1,100. If you remember back, they used to be priced at $800 on launch. So your tactic of paying less than RRP doesn't work here. It also doesn't work with many other products.

                Yeah that's true, but I think mainly the question is more if it's good value of course this varies for people but with the RRP it's clear they're just trying to get as much as they can initially before lowering bit by bit to appeal to everyone else. Unfortunately, it means bad use of money.

  • Just tell her 10% cut or else redundancy. Covid times.

  • Haha don’t waste money on eating out! That would save heaps! And shop for meat at the meat grocer, the supermarkets are expensive when it comes to meat and veggies.

    Also a recession is looming. Isn’t anyone worried.

  • what are you spending it on? Are you guys grabbing takeaway every meal and buying junk for "groceries".

  • mymusclechef is healthier and cheaper than uber eats

  • thats a lot, do you mind to share what do you guys normally get for groceries and your go-to for eat outs?

    • Agreed - it's mostly on eat outs. Usually there's the so called weekly date night - spending around 100 in one restaurant. And sometimes 2 of these dinners. Feel odd to break up over this but it's just too much.

      • Not a reason to break up, but you'll find out her true character if you dial it back and she gets shitty.

        • Yes this 100%. True test of character.

        • Not a reason to break up, but you'll find out her true character if you dial it back and she gets shitty.

          My partner has been asked several times what she would do if I couldn't keep up financially. (She's very well paid).

          Her: "We'd dial back our lifestyle to something that we are both comfortable with".

          • @brad1-8tsi: That's a keeper!

            My ex just got shitty we couldn't afford to go out anywhere.

            Hence, she's the ex ;)

            • @spackbace: You and I both know that there's a point where you say
              "Do I still want to be repeating this conversation every month for the next 20 years?"

              She's pretty good. It's quite an equitable relationship.

              I'm told by her friends that the previous guys felt emasculated by her earning capacity. My ex always earnt more than me so I'm used to it. Just call me an aging gigolo. :-)

      • +5 votes

        Feel odd to break up over this but it's just too much

        Is this the hidden question in ur Original Post?

      • that seems high and frequent, but it also depends on individual tastes. how much does she actually want or expect this?
        you could have just started this together in a honeymoon phase of doing "special" things all the time, and its time to dial it back.
        or you could have different expectations of meals, and of money in general. that could be trouble

      • Tell her they you’d want to eat out less to save up money for rainy days or just don’t go to fancy places for eating out. I reckon 100/2 people is okay once a week but got the other two nights maybe aim at 60 for 2 people.

        • Just wondering, what kind of income does one earn for $100/2 once a week and 60/2 for others Nights?

          I think I’m above average but don’t head anywhere near those amounts

      • You need to find a cheaper date night, if the relationship is going to last it should be based on each others' company and not which high-end restaurant you want to go to this week. My wife and I would do Vietnamese or dumplings once a fortnight (sometimes weekly) and that bill was maybe $40 for the both of us. Also, dinners are much cheaper if you're not relying on alcohol to help with the nerves.

        Why don't you go to the drive in, or on a picnic?…you could even do an online cooking tutorial at home together, plus this way your learning to cook for yourselves.

        It's okay to spend $100 for dinner at a restaurant but that should be a special treat and definitely not 1-2 times a week.

      • LOL whoa whoa there, how are you getting to breaking up when you were just originally asking about food costs? Is this the real reason you've posted the question?

    • your go-to for eat outs?

      ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • +54 votes

    Depends how hot she is

    • And how ugly OP is…

      • Doesn't matter how ugly he is, if he's a rich bastard but hell fat and disabled looking, he can pay any girl, no matter how hard she is - they always fold when you give them money…. I guess the saying is true, money buys anything and evverything…

  • Are you ok with it? If so, then no issue.

  • Does she like nasi goreng? Cheap and yummy!

  • Depends on how often you get a leg over

  • Do an excel spreadsheet of your budget. Your spending $15,000 a year on those 4 days a week, so your spending close to 20k a year total on groceries. Eat out LESS, learn to cook spaghetti bolognaise, and pocket 5-10k a year, that's 1/3 of a home loan repayment, significant savings.

  • what does she pay for the other 3- 4 days?

  • I would never count money like that. Spend what you can afford. Take her out if you want to treat her, other times she will offer to treat you. In most relationships partners know each other's income and expense and won't let each other spend too much. If you are counting the pennies you are in a wrong relationship or you are keeping her in the dark wrt finances. I'm living on a disability support pension and take my date for dinner when I can afford it, buy groceries whenever I get a chance, and so do my dates. No one counts, and sometimes one of us asks the other to pay. Usually my dates are also on a budget so we all understand. Just remember the right person won't exploit you, and you can't put a dollar figure on relationships.

    • This.

      But if you really want to count pennies, you could consider changing the way you approach dinners.

      You can still have weekly date nights at cheaper restaurants. Say you want to try a different place each time and support different local businesses.

      Or you could say you want to start eating healthy and make dinners at home, it’s also nice to share a kitchen together experimenting new recipes!

      Also, if you’ve never discussed your concerns with her, you might not know what she feels about it. She might think that you’re a spoilt brat who spends way too much on takeouts and doesn’t know how to save money, but she’s too scared to say anything. You just won’t know unless you talk about it.

    • +1. Nailed it

      Personally I always feel there should be reciprocation in any relationship. E.g. if im working full time and bringing most of the financial security and my partner's only working part time then it'd be reasonable for my partner to help out in other ways, e.g. home cooking or other things around the home. or if we r both full time, then we'll take turns treating each other based on our level of income while sharing chores around the home. It's not good if one partner feels like they're pulling all the weight.

    • Yep this is 100% correct.

  • Are you living at her house?

  • They say in situations like yours that it would be far more cheaper to have a prostitute…

    you are being scammed

    • And even more mean spirited people might say…

      "Prostitute, well, you already have one".

      • This is the best financial advice I can offer; If it flies, floats, or f***s, rent it.

        • Yep heard it in my 20's, ignored it and now fken paying for it.

          • @mini2: Do share - I wouldn't mind something to strengthen my resolve after telling yet another ex that I was less concerned about the money than her entitled attitude. Did not end well, for her, but reading this I get the impression it ended well for me in the long run.

  • Break up with the girl, save yourself before it's too late. You have somehow allowed this and made it normal.

    Run, don't walk.

  • Jesus…I spend that much money on 1.5-2 months worth of groceries! And with my SO, we usually spend $50 max/weekend.

    That is way too much money for two people. Does someone not cook?? Or even use Hello Fresh etc?

    A decent home made meal for 2 is at most $30 from scratch and you can always fridge the leftovers.

    EDIT: Side note is that both my SO and I work full time so, we have a pretty decent combined income. But, even though he earns more, I firmly told him that I will always pay for half or pay for the next meal. I've been taken for a ride one by a deadbeat ex. Never again.

    • What on earth do you eat for $50/week?? Home grown leaves? Groceries are exorbitant these days, and I spend much more than that each week even though I'm cooking all meals at home with minimal packaged foods - heck I don't even buy stock. I make it from offcuts, bones etc.

      • It's only 2.5 days I spend with my SO every 2-3 weeks so, it's not bad.

        As for how, I am pretty saavy with food and money.

        Therefore;
        * I shop at Aldi
        * I only buy things that are on special at Colesworth, and by shopping at 4pm+, there are a bunch of food (meats and pre-cooked meals especially) on clearance :)
        * And most times I spend with my SO, we have random sleeping patters so, we only end up eating 2 meals a day :P We end up spending $20 on snacks, and the other $30 on takeout for 1 day :) I bring along a home cooked meal for the other lunch/dinner :)

      • It's not all that difficult to do if you are okay with eating the same meal most of the time.

        For the last several years, I managed to maintain a weekly grocery bill of <$50 per week.

        Breakfast: Cereal + milk
        Lunch: Basic sandwich
        Dinner: Mince beef/chicken + rice + a few vegetables + sauce/seasoning

        My grocery bills have increased somewhat since getting married (understandably, my wife isn't keen on eating the same meal for 7 days straight), as well as learning the importance of a more diverse and varied diet for health reasons.

        • I buy a couple kilos of meat and veg and batch cook them (single parent life). I often eat the same meal for lunch and dinner 5 to 6 days in a row as I'm time poor. In saying that I do need to eat constantly, and consume well over 3500 calories a day, do zero exercise and work an office job. I must large portions of food as I struggle to gain/maintain weight. Could explain the large food bills.

    • LOL $250 for 2 months of groceries sure mate, what do you eat, Pot Noodle nightly?

      90-150 a week for groceries is more than reasonable, some weeks less because you have leftovers, some weeks more coz youve run out.

      300 a week is a bit much on groceries, gf seems like a bit of one of those insta foodies who needs to share her expensive meal on the gram perhaps

      • That was when I living alone :P That doesn't include the $300 I spent restocking. Plus, my tricks are above.

        That seems reasonable enough. I spent closer to $150 yesterday.

        That's what I was thinking. That's way way too much.

  • Whaaaaatttt!? How…Gold plated meals or something? Yes you're spending waaay too much money.

    However if you can afford it and don't mind it then I guess it's okay. But seriously someone needs to learn how to cook.

  • Depends on your relationship and situation?
    Do you work full-time? does she?
    are you equal? are you a sugar daddy?
    my previous relationship I was the 10% cause she made 3x more than me.
    current gf is not working yet so I'm paying for 90% of things as well, similar to your situation, mostly food though.

  • "It's roughly 250-300 bucks a week on eat-out and grocery cost"

    Totally normal to me. I was spending this much in my 20s to early 30s when I was dating, I wasn't living with the GF.

    You pay for her because you can and, you are a gentleman and not a tight butt with money.

    My GF is now my wife, she's managed to out earn me in recent years and voluntarily pays a greater share of the living expenses… Because she can, and because she wants to.

    How she wants it done now is split living expenses according to the ratio of earnings, e.g she earns 20% more than I do in annual salary so she's willing to pay 20% more shared shared. E.g if a shared bill is $100, she pays $60 and I pay $40.

    I don't want her to, I don't need her to, but she still insists. I think she appreciated that I did the heavy financial lifting in the early stages of the relationship. I respect that.