Houseshare and Roomshare Difficulty for Males

As a renting young male that has been housesharing/roomsharing for many years. I'm quiet, friendly, clean and no history of sexual assault. I've found it difficulty to get new accommodation as many listings on gumtree or Facebook often say 'females only or females preferred',.

From my observation, female households, mixed households and male households prefer new female roommates rather than males.

Has anyone noticed this and struggled to find accommodation due to being a male?

Is this a form of gender preference or a form of gender discrimination?

Poll Options

  • 276
    Fair gender preference
  • 105
    Unfair gender discrimination

Comments

                • +1 vote

                  @Kangal: I…

                  Is this really a thing?

                  Even after leg days, I stand for my relief. I just grunt and shout a little but sitting? Never crossed my mind.

                • +2 votes

                  @Kangal: you have to draw the line somewhere….for us it was the housemate who got our attention from outside the toilet, dropped his pants and flashed a browneye, then poked the head of a shit out before going into the bathroom and finishing the job.

                  its always nice to have one lady in the house to keep the blokes classy.

                  •  

                    @Antikythera: .
                    You should've jumped for the camera. Doubt they'd do anything dumb after that ; )
                    …and if they do, well at least there would be a social cost to your housemate, and free Internet points for you.

    • +3 votes

      Really creepy if you introduce yourself that way.

      • +6 votes

        This is all very eye-opening and counterintuitive. This is very similar to what I'm currently using as my bio on Tinder:

        "No convictions for sexual assault in the last decade".

        These dating apps weren't around before my nine and a half year incarceration so I'm still learning the ropes.

  • +6 votes

    It's fair discrimination, they're just saving you from wasting your time contacting them. You should be thankful. I'm sure there are others you apply for that don't state they prefer females but secretly waste your time.

  •  

    I see a lot of straight guys list rooms on gay sharing sites. Maybe they were sick of the "girls only" thing too.

  • +2 votes

    missed the mark

    Imagine youre some cashed up guy, but also a total loser

    Once the wyman are in your house and see what a total stud you really are…

  •  

    'no history of sexual assault' Bahahaha

    Well you might have a 'future' in it - thus it is generally harder to get a room mate that is the opposite sex.

  • +3 votes

    They're clearly looking for people with sexual assault history but you just happen to be male.

    • +23 votes

      What kind of flat mate did you end up getting?
      With you being so irresistible to women and all the prospective male tenants having Asian fetish it must’ve been awful for you

      • -5 votes

        A somewhat normal friendly Indian person. Only issue is that he went through two toilet rolls in four days. I will need to tell him to use less toilet paper. If he shat, lets say, twice a day over 4 days it means he shat 8 times in that period. 2/8 means he used 0.25 toilet rolls per shit.

        These toilet rolls are normal Quilton rolls, I don’t know how someone can wipe their butt with so much toilet paper.

        The joys of sharehousing (kill me now).

          • +8 votes

            @Ghost47: it's weird to be policing toilet habits…

            • +5 votes

              @dinna89: I think it’s weird to think using that much toilet paper is acceptable.

              Maybe one day you’ll realize it if you ever buy a pack of toilet paper and see it disappearing faster than you could ever imagine.

        • +1 vote

          haha we had the same thing! We had an American girl who would use as much as the rest of us (5 other people) combined. Could only imagine she made her hand into some sort of egyptian mummy like scenario.

          •  

            @tarb: How did you approach her? I don’t want to sound like a dick to this guy but burning through that much toilet paper is just weird.

            • +2 votes

              @Ghost47: For us the issue was more the inconvenience, she would never buy it herself and she would run the house out of toilet paper, going round all the bathrooms and stealing rolls. I'd be like, we have 8 rolls that should last the week, them bam the tp bandit would strike and we'd be out. We got to the point of hiding tp in our bedrooms so we'd never be caught with our pants down again.

              How'd we fix it? We didn't. Standard share house passive aggressiveness didn't work and it's not really a big enough issue to go any further with, she eventually graduated and went back to the US

              •  

                @tarb: That’s extremely frustrating. You really do realize how weird people are when you share house, and also how oblivious people are to their own actions. Such as using other people’s condiments/ingredients without asking, talking much more loudly on the phone that is actually necessary, leaving a disgusting mess on the bathroom counter, not wiping the mirror after spraying toothpaste all over it, not at least trying to rinse their pubes down the drain instead of leaving them on the shower floor. I never considered myself a clean freak but after living with randoms I think I am.

                • +4 votes

                  @Ghost47: .
                  Post not clear, are you interested in your flatmate?
                  I mean we consider you a catch. Your tight arse TP Laws is the sort of behavior we try to enforce on OzBargain.

                •  

                  @Ghost47: Can you let him know you take turns buying the toilet paper? That way he's contributing and you don't have to tell him how much toilet paper he's allowed to use.

                •  

                  @Ghost47: Who Moved My Cheese !? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsSNMzgsE7U

                  Welcome to share housing - I lived in 26 different share houses and learned a lot e.g.

                  best to be the person in charge - the benevolent dictator is the ideal form of government - make clear simple rules, explain them in advance and get people to agree and understand that you will apply them promptly, and won't let people 'get away' with offensive behaviour - one warning then kick them out, etc.

        • +1 vote

          My former housemate also went through half a roll per day on his own! He and I shared the second bathroom and when he moved in we had to start buying so much more toilet paper. One day the mystery was solved when he forgot to flush and it was all laid flat in a criss-cross pattern up the bowl, it didn't even look used. He grew up in Dubai where they probably had a bidet. Anyway, I never brought it up because in a share house everyone is different and all issues have the potential for conflict if taken the wrong way. So it wasn't worth it to me.

  • +1 vote

    Would have thought a nightqueen would prefer a nightking, guess can't judge a book by its dress.

  • +2 votes

    Honestly, the grossest people I ever house shared with were guys. It wasn't fun putting up with their filth. Stuff like their pubes in my soap bar. Yeah.
    Maybe you could show a picture of your current room eg to show you are neat, and list ways and how often you clean things to demonstrate you aren't the typical male. That could help where they say females preferred. For females ONLY I would ignore since they won't even consider you.

    • +2 votes

      As a guy I would never ever touch someone else’s soap let alone leave pubes anywhere that could be seen. Not that I have many pubes anyway as I keep it clean down there.

      Guys can be pretty gross though. I lived with one guy who left all these weird stains in the toilet bowl every time he shat, like black stains. I don’t know what he ate but I think it must be some weird health issue.

      One thing though is that I don’t care how messy someone’s room is, if they don’t leave common areas clean and tidy they are an inconsiderate prick.

      •  

        A messy room, though, usually leads to a messy common area by the bandits.

  • +2 votes

    My advice would be to partner up with a friend (a responsible one) and lease a place together. Landlords cannot discriminate against you based on gender. Continue to build a positive rental history and I hope you find a lovely place.

    I wanted to get OzBargains feedback on what the is seen as acceptable and not. In the past I've seen ads seeking flatmates which have said (or something very similar) to the below.

    Gender? "Females only"
    Age? "25~35s only"
    Race? eg "No Indians"
    Sexual orientation?
    Religious belief? "No Muslims"

    If you're looking for a housemate shouldn't you be looking for the best possible candidate???

    • +2 votes

      I think listing race and religious preferences in the advertisement isn’t good as no one wants to feel rejected based on these things and we could do with less of this in society in general. Realistically though, if you were of that racial or religious background you wouldn’t want to live with someone who’d list those things as criteria. I’ve seen similar things such as ‘asians only’ or ‘looking for a Christian’. I’m not necessarily against people seeking out people they have things in common though as this can affect lifestyle, behaviour and the chance of the house working well e.g. a vegetarian only house seems reasonable to me if that is what the lease holder/ owner is more comfortable with. It would be nice if people were more open minded, but at the end of the day it’s living arrangements not a public sector job so people can and will choose who they want to live with for whatever reason whether they are overt about it or not.

    • +1 vote

      Landlords cannot discriminate against you based on gender.

      Why not?

      •  

        Why not?

        I can't speak for your state but in NSW it's against the law to discriminate based on gender.

        Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 (NSW)
        Under the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 (NSW) it is against the law to discriminate on the basis of age, carer’s responsibilities, pregnancy, disability, marital status, race, sex, homosexuality and transgender status when you rent accommodation such as houses, units, flats, hotel or motel rooms and commercial premises.

        •  

          I can't speak for your state but in NSW it's against the law to discriminate based on gender.

          Surely you can choose who you let your property to???

          •  

            @jv:

            Surely you can choose who you let your property to???

            You can choose but the decision you make cannot discriminate against a group listed.

            •  

              @Kranbone:

              You can choose but the decision you make cannot discriminate against a group listed.

              The the same rules would apply for people sub-letting…

              I guess that answers the OP's question.

              Thread closed…

              •  

                @jv:

                The the same rules would apply for people sub-letting…

                I guess that answers the OP's question.

                Thread closed…

                I'm not sure that's the case as the law may not see someone who is sub-leasing as the landlord. However we should avoid discriminating against people.

                That better answers the question.

                •  

                  @Kranbone:

                  I'm not sure that's the case as the law may not see someone who is sub-leasing as the landlord.

                  Why would they discriminate based on who is leasing?

                  •  

                    @jv:

                    Why would they discriminate based on who is leasing?

                    I dunno, you'd have to ask them :)

    • +1 vote

      If you're looking for a housemate shouldn't you be looking for the best possible candidate???

      Maybe through their experience, those requirements have a higher likelyhood of a better candidate, in particular in terms of compatibility and comfortability.

      While it may be discriminatory, it's unreasonable to expect a 19yo girl to live with a 50yo stranger man. Imagine an extreme atheist and religious person living together. Moving is a pain in the butt, I would want to filter out people are incompatible early on, rather than later.

  • +7 votes

    I did about 5 years of share housing in both mixed and female only places. Including sometimes choosing a male as a flat mate. On the whole I preferred sharing with other women. Men tended not to do as much of the overall house cleaning like bathrooms and vacuuming. I preferred socialising with other women and their friends. Men often ended up having their girlfriends over a lot, and when they were over stayed for longer (than visiting male partners) and spent ages in the shower etc. When guys had their mates over they could get a bit blokey and kinda take over the place.

    People can choose whoever they want to live with. Unfortunately when choosing flatmates you can’t know everything about a person upfront and everyone says that they are clean etc so people rely on assumptions and stereotypes when choosing.

  • +1 vote

    Im sorry but i do not see this to be any different to gender or race discrimination at work or job ads.

  •  

    It should not be complicated.

    Find to live with someone who you are comfortable with PLUS a level of compromise you can live with

    The person could be a normal one or psychopath one.

    The world with social media have gone mad to a level that, choosing a life partner who shares the same skin colour, belief, smell, ethnicity… could be considered racist by some!

    •  

      Or live alone in a cheaper/smaller place further away from the city. Unless you can't stand your own company.

  • +3 votes

    If you really think about it…

    1. Women would really prefer to live with other women as they feel happier and safer.
    2. Men would also really prefer to live with other women as they would feel happier, much happier. Not with a group of snobs who plays Jenga with the kitchen bin and has the smell of beated meat in their rooms every night.
    • +3 votes

      I've shared houses with both men and women and can tell you that the womens' domestic hygiene was appreciably worse.

      •  

        nothing like the pleasure of getting in the shower and finding womens wet underwear hanging from the tap handle you were just about to put your hand on

        they washed it, right … ? erk

        in other places I've found whole displays of them hanging across the bathroom - attractive, right !?

        no.

        • -3 votes

          Wtf? At least it would give you something to smell when showering.

          • +3 votes

            @Ghost47: That was a funny joke. Unless it wasn't a joke, and puts a new perspective on your previous long-post.

      •  

        I mean, I didn't know we were allowed to say beated meat on OZB.

  • -1 vote

    Think of it this way - would you even want to live with the horribly sexist people who post such ads?

    • +2 votes

      Not sure why I've been downvoted. No doubt people will say it's because these people aren't sexist; they're just justifiably sceptical of their safety around men. However, it is pretty clear that the overwhelming majority of men are not violent or sexually predacious whatsoever.

      • +1 vote

        True, but you don't get to unilaterally decide what someone else should be comfortable with, or threatened by.

        •  

          Nah, he does. He speaks for all of us.

  • +4 votes

    no history of sexual assault

    …how oddly specific

    •  

      no history - how about herstory ?

    • +1 vote

      not that odd, it's probably the very first common/concern of many

      • +6 votes

        If somebody tells me they're not a rapist without me asking them anything related to their propensity to rape, it's oddly specific.

        •  

          reckon he just wanted to clear it up from beginning, but yeah i see where u comin now

      •  

        The answer itself might be meaningless as they might be lying. It might make more sense to require a police certificate. Yes, it can be counterfeited, but that's more complicated than a simple lie.

  • +1 vote

    Keep an eye out for cheap 1 bed apartments, the whole Covid situation really helped the cost of renting.
    I moved into my own place in the eastern suburbs and am only paying about $50 more than I was in a tiny box room in a share house, its not perfect but the compromises are well worth it and there is a lot you can do to make a place look better with little $$.
    I've not once regretted it nor felt lonley, infact quite the opposite, the freedom is great and I can have friends over whenever I want.

    Also, from when I did share Facebook and Gumtree never provided much of anything, Flatmates is much better as you can learn a bit more about the person you will be living with.

  • +6 votes

    Very early in my renting life (male, then in 20s), I went through a rental agency and they referred me to a place where 2 women were looking for a flatmate. So we had a chat, and the next day I went to the agent and she said I didn't get the spot, but one of the girls "really likes you".

    I was kind of nonplussed about not getting the place.

    The agent repeated, "She really likes you."

    I thought to myself that she mustn't have liked me that much if I wasn't offered the room.

    Whoosh.

    • +1 vote

      U just didn't really like her then

  • +10 votes

    Don't think it's discrimination as such.

    I've had some really bad experiences with both genders, probably worse with females so it doesn't really matter at end of day. Males I lived with were messy and didn't have the best hygeine, females were passive aggressive and wouldn't say they had issues but would act out in the house and were a massive pain. Males are generally a bit more straight-forward to live with I've found.

    • +1 vote

      You have distilled the difference between men and women into all but few words.

  • +9 votes

    Women want to share with other women as they'll feel safer and will automatically have more in common.

    Men want to share with women as they fantasize they can get together with the woman, or that she'll introduce them to more female friends.

    Couple this with a steady diet of news about men attacking women in the media, and yes, most people don't want men around. It's just the way it is.

  •  

    Dress up as transgender and you have the best of both world.

  • +2 votes

    IF It was the other way around it would be discrimination. For instance men who wanted to go to clubs or organisations just for men…..

    • +7 votes

      True.

      Men only gym = discrimination
      Women only gym = ok

      • +1 vote

        yup, Its the double standard that is really annoying. The whole male bashing that is going on in current society.

      • +1 vote

        Yep, because all men are rapists, but it's not possible (or even legally recognised in some countries) for a woman to rape a man.

    •  

      lol but there are men only clubs out there

      •  

        And they always receive many complaints as well as majority have had to change and allow women in or just completely change the whole model.

  •  

    maybe try start your own place with a few friends.
    diverse houses are genrally more comfortable IME

    but also when people say they have preferences its usually casue they get 1000 fairy floss applications for a room but atm cause of lockdown its hard to fill rooms, just chat to them and if you click you click.
    also ask in your social networks if anyone knows of a room going. usually its much less of a process to get a room though friends of friends who can vouch for you not being a creep
    good luck

  •  

    This isn't "Unfair gender discrimination". It's a private homeowner that can pick whatever person they want.

    If it were a hotel, different story.

    • +1 vote

      It is valid to call it unfair. It is not his fault he is male. Imagine if you applied the same logic to hiring people.

      •  

        I don't think it's unfair, and "discrimination" is a very strong word, you can't soften it up.

        They already apply that same gender discrimination to hiring. It's so that they can balance the workforce with more women. I don't agree with it entirely.

        • +1 vote

          Discrimination is literally what this is. It is gender discrimination because you are treating people differently based on their genders, i.e. discriminating based on gender.

          That being said, just because it's discrimination doesn't necessarily make it unlawful, unfair or unacceptable. There are plenty of examples where discrimination is legal, and considered fair and acceptable, even in some hiring situtaions. And of course, plenty of examples where it is none of these things.

          In this case, it's definitely not illegal. You can argue about whether or not it's fair, opinions clearly vary as this thread demonstrates.

  • +1 vote

    I guess being a male automatically makes you a sex offender and you have to speak gently to prove your not

    • +1 vote

      'Can you help me move something in the shed?' he asks gently, staring intensely at her chest.

  •  

    i would say its somewhere inbetween, it's not fair, but I wouldn't say it's discrimination either. Perhaps "Unfair Bias"?

  • +1 vote

    Did sharing in mixed house then got a bit unhappy that person taking care of it would rent to the first person that seems reasonable through the door.

    Rent a place yourself and then sublet the rooms out. Gives you a lot more control and also the fact that sometimes the sublet subsidises some of your own costs.

    Good luck.

  • +6 votes

    Used to live in share accommodation. When I moved in it was three women and myself (male). Eventually I became the leaseholder and I found that males were messier in general (in the common areas, some of the females rooms were foul).

    Once we reached a balance of 2 males and 2 females, I would always only put ads out for the people who left. For the last 2 years it was only the ladies that moved on.

    My biggest fear was that if we went to 3 males and 1 female and the final female left, no female would move into a share house with 3 males. Also it would be weird for 3 males to advertise for "female only". So then the eventual outcome would be 4 males living together in filthy aggressive disharmony.

  •  

    I have seen the ads and never thought its a problem until now. I had flat mates while i was in uni, they were mostly guys. Never had a problem.