Acceptable Age to Still Be Living at Home with Parents?

This one pops up every now and then but feel there may be a shift in recent years.

The current answer may be skewed by current economic crisis and the pandemic, but assume 'normal' conditions.

Poll Options

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Comments

  • Till your parents kick you out?

  • I think as long as you’re contributing to bills, mortgage, household duties, I think it’s fine. People that live at home and don’t do shit, is what I don’t agree with. Like, having your dad do the lawn or your mum make you lunch

    • I would love to be at home to stop my dad from doing all those things he should be doing at his age. Mowing the lawn, no problem. he can walk, he can mow the lawn. climbing ladders to change light fittings…..removing the door to change the hinge….I do not want to find out if he can the bad way.

    • This, exactly this. I still live at home. But I pay all the bills and have cooked and cleaned for myself since my early teens.

      I stay to help out. Otherwise I would have moved out.

      I say it's bad enough to be say in your 30's and living at home, but if you help out, look after yourself, it's fine. If you're parents still cook and clean for you, then you cross the line…

    • I'm feeling personally attacked

    • I think it's really up to what your parents are happy to do. If they are happy and want to make lunch/ dinner etc for you then I see no issue with that.

  • +52 votes

    As others have said - until they kick you out but as long as you’re pulling your weight.

    There’s loads of reasons why it makes sense to stay. There’s loads of reasons why it makes sense to leave.

    As long as it makes sense - it’s fine.

    • I'm hearing a lot about kids moving out, but what about the opposite… parent(s) moving in? Surely with this year being what it is, that's on the rise.

      What do people think about that?
      And what age is appropriate for parents to move in to their kid's home?
      Eg:
      - 35yo parent moving in to a 18yo kids place (might raise some eyebrows)
      - 70yo parent moving in to a 40yo kids place (seems socially accepted)
      - Where's the turnover point?

      • Kangal here asking the big questions!

      • My MIL has been moving in / out of our place now for the last 4 or so years. Bounces between shared accom, renting, living with brother, living with daughter, living with friends, etc.

        We now have 6 kids and make her aware she will be a live in babysitter - hardly see her now haha

        • 6 kids? Do you work or living on my tax?

          • @aussie-bargainer: Worked full time for the last 15 years - need to fund my bargain hunting habits somehow!

            • @marc kay: How do you or anyone manage 6 kids? How do you go out? Who does the work? Can you give enough time to every child? Do you spend time on child's education?

              • @aussie-bargainer: How do you or anyone manage 6 kids?
                We have a decent age range there, the three older ones (7 to 11yo) look after themselves and do help out around the house when needed - when they're at school we can then focus solely on the younger three (7mo to 3yo), when home they play together some of the time - jumping on the trampoline and playing with toys

                How do you go out?
                Like anyone else - it is just a little more tricky to co-ordinate.. we do the usual stuff people do - parks, play centres, restaurants, etc.

                Who does the work?
                Given the younger ones are not in school and the rising cost of daycare, we live off the one wage which I earn, it's not a huge sum of money but certainly manageable - food shop is around $300/fn but that includes quality ingredients from our butcher too

                Can you give enough time to every child?
                We do what we can and feel it's sufficient

                Do you spend time on child's education?
                As needed - the older three are in extension classes in school - we give them the necessary tools to get stuff done and help them out if they get stuck on their homework, but at the moment it's not really needed

                • @marc kay: Nice stuff

                • @marc kay: @marckay

                  Cool!!! I must say I started to troll with my first comment but really good to know how you manage things. For us we feel we can hardly do enough for 2 kids.

                  About how you go out, I mean which vehicle you use? I assume you'll have to use 2 cars all the time.

                  • @aussie-bargainer: Haha no worries, I noticed but went along with it anyway :)

                    We have a Grand Carnival (8 seat van), it's quite heavy on fuel but better than fuel / rego on two vehicles to go anywhere.
                    Ideally we wanted a Commuter but the ridiculous lack of features (no ABS, cruise control, stability control, etc.) was very off putting.

  • Surely different cultures have different approaches to this? For some there's no age limit.

    • I know in alot of asian cultures like China, it's expected the elderly live with the children to be taken care of or something like that.

      • I don't intend leaving mum at a nursing home, that's for sure.
        Well circumstances may change in future, but quite likely rather have her around and 'pay my debts' back.
        She's gone through so much for me/us + we have a tight bond and enjoy each other's company!

        Now I can't speak for my siblings, but we're raised by the same woman so I can assume they feel similarly.
        Ideally we'd have our own houses and families, which mum can move freely to and from. That scenario be years away though.

        • Same here. We have enough space for a granny flat and once my parents get old enough I'll build them one.

          They'll stay with me until I cannot meet their medical needs, for example, advanced dementia.

          • @Rowdy Roddy Peeper: the granny flat is a good idea;

            mum just revealed to me she wants to happily retire in her home country!

            (along with her aunt there, which is basically her mother-figure, and my nan-figure;
            she also has her own personal 'debts' to her.. :p)

        • I'd never do that to mum either, I'd have her live with me regardless of my family situation, the only exception is if I can't look after her for whatever reason (such as what Rowdy Roddy Peeper said).

      • Although my mum will hate me saying this, I'm fully prepared to move in with her and support her when she needs it. I'm only mid 30's so I've got plenty of time until then, but its still in my life plan.

        She took care of me so damn much as a child/teen/young adult. I'm going to do the same for her when she needs it.

    • This is why house prices are going up. Income from multi generations and first home buyers at 30

      • Bank of Mum & Dad. But serves everyone right now. If one set of parents start boosting their kids deposit and everyone else does the same it just inflates house prices and mums & dads will be left holding the bag.

  • 18 in Australia, 80 in Italy… 😂

  • What prompted the question op?

    • then it looks bad to still be living with your parents

      I didn't neg you, but looks bad to who?

      I came across a lot of people who moved out young because their parents didn't want them around as soon as they finished school. Problem is, in a lot of cases, it comes back and bites them in the arse. When the parents get older and need help, it's unlikely most of those "kids" will come back and help out.

      I think asians and other immigrant families tend to have a stronger family bond because it's not common to kick their children out at a certain age. I say "not common" because it's not every family, but as a general rule. If they kick their kids out at a young age, their kids aren't likely going to be around when they're older and need help. You provide a home for them when they're younger, there's a good chance they'll be there when help is needed later. It goes around and round.

      • Because you look like you are still a kid and don't know how to look after yourself. No one is going to take you seriously as an adult.

        • No one is going to take you seriously as an adult.

          When you're over 30 and still renting because you haven't been able to save a deposit to buy a property, people are going to judge you too. No matter where you are or what you do, there's going to be those that judge. So screw them - you do what's best for you.

          • @bobbified: I don't think people judge people who choose to rent. That's a legitimate life choice - your job might mean you move cities every year or six months or maybe you really like going on holidays and not being tied down anywhere. You might want to invest your money in something other than property - maybe you buy stocks or something. Buying a house is not a life stage that everyone has to go through. Living with your parents into adulthood is not a legitimate life choice though, and moving out IS a life stage that everyone must pass through one day assuming they outlive their parents.

            The older you get the worse it is. It will put people off thinking of you as a marriage candidate - why would you want to marry someone who gets looked after by their mother, doesn't know how to manage bills, or cook, or clean (even if you do all that for your parents, assuming they're not elderly/disabled it is going to look as though you are being looked after)? A la Howard Wolowitz from big bang theory. No one wants to be tied to a big manbaby (or womanbaby) all their life.

            The only times it is ok is the following:

            You're studying so it is difficult to make enough money to keep yourself fed and sheltered (better to be moved out but acceptable to live at home if you have to)

            You have had a divorce or big breakup, or lost your job, or some other catastrophe that you need support for. But once you've picked up the pieces you are going to move out and start over

            Your parents are elderly or disabled and you are caring for them

            Or maybe you have a disability yourself and aren't able to look after yourself and need your parents' support

            I think the reason it gets so much worse with each passing year that someone hasn't moved out is because late teens/early twenties are the time to be learning how to live with people, how to pull your weight, how to be an adult and do dreary things like cook, pay bills etc. As people get older than that habits get ingrained. If you haven't had to look after yourself in your early twenties by the time you get to your mid thirties you really just don't know how and you will struggle to learn and being a good person to live with won't come naturally. Compared to someone who has lived in 6 sharehouses from the age of 19-24, who has made every mistake in the book and gotten pulled up on it, and has learned to be both a good person to live with and how to take care of themselves without relying on someone else to do things for them

            • @Quantumcat: Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with choosing to rent, especially if buying is actually an option you have. However, if we go back to your original comment about people judging, I've found that people seem to judge those who don't own their own home by a certain age more than those who haven't moved out at a younger age. I rented for about 10 years up until recently and people don't say it to my face, but I can see the look on their face when I tell them I'm renting. Givne they know the position I hold at work, their first question is always "why don't you just buy?".

              Nowadays, I think most people understand that it's expensive to move out or buy your own place and it seems to be much more acceptable to be staying at home while still in your late 20's or even early 30's.

              It will put people off thinking of you as a marriage candidate

              I think there's a lot more to this than just whether you live at home or not. If someone is living at home in their late 20s, isn't at uni and isn't employed and just plays video games, then fair enough. That is, someone who just "takes". But someone who lives at home and is employed in a meaningful way and has a mature attitude who is contributing to the household can easily pass as a marriage candidate.

              I had an incident that I still remember from when I was 30. It's still fresh in my mind right now! I had been in a new city for about two years in a new job and lived by myself. I was quite social at work and after hours and everything. I had been dating this girl for a few months and she wanted to break it off. She wouldn't tell me why but I eventually got it out of her. She said "You're 30 and you don't have your own house or car or anything". It ripped me to shreds. While it is not an uncommon expectation of asian females, I have to admit that it shocked me to hear that directed at me for the first time. I had a few hundred thousand sitting in my bank account, but there was no point revealing to her to try make her stay. I didn't want that to be the reason for her to get back together.

              • @bobbified: That's interesting. I guess owning property is still seen as the pinnacle of financial achievement by a lot of people. Maybe that's because shares are invisible but you can see a house.

                But someone who lives at home and is employed in a meaningful way and has a mature attitude who is contributing to the household can easily pass as a marriage candidate.

                That's true, especially if you pull your weight around the house. There's things that you don't get exposed to living with your parents though, that would help you learn good behaviour that would eventually be second nature. Transgressions that a housemate might rip you a new one for but a parent would just make a polite comment about or take care if it so it isn't a problem. Maybe things like not putting a new toilet roll on after finishing the last one, leaving a smelly sock around, letting liquid toothpaste build up on the holder because of not rinsing the brush thoroughly, not buying more milk while you were out, leaving dirty dishes in the sink and not washing them within three days, not taking your clothes out if the washing machine for six hours, all those sorts of things. Also things that come with being responsible for a house like setting up the electricity account and scheduling bills, negotiating with landlords, gardening, just kind of random things that the parent would probably take care of as house owner. It is still different living with others compared to living with your parents even if you financially contribute just as much to the household in your parents house as you would in a sharehouse. Parents love you and want the best for you. Some housemates couldn't tell you from a bar of soap, since friendly, but most won't put up with being treated poorly and will happily tell you when you step out of line

                • @Quantumcat:

                  That's interesting. I guess owning property is still seen as the pinnacle of financial achievement by a lot of people. Maybe that's because shares are invisible but you can see a house.

                  I think you're right there. If you have a portfolio of shares and can explain to someone that your money makes more money sitting there than a property, they'd probably understand. But it's not something you'd really want to go around telling people. So they're just going to judge you base on what they know. I suspect the judging would stop once you at least own your principle home.

                  There's things that you don't get exposed to living with your parents though, that would help you learn good behaviour that would eventually be second nature.

                  I know what you're saying ad personally, I think it's okay as long as you don't need to be reminded more than once. If someone's got a certain level of consideration for others, they would already have a fair idea of what's acceptable and what's not. And it it's something new, it's going to be quite easy to pick these things up. Other than that, the lazy and inconsiderate ones will always be the same! LOL

                  • @bobbified:

                    explain to someone that your money makes more money sitting there than a property, they'd probably understand.

                    I dont think it's always or only about money. House ownership signifies stability and security, which is essential for a young family who may be looking at having children. Lack of may be a red flag.

                    • @Ughhh: You're definitely right there, however, you need the money to have home ownership. Having the money but no home ownership still signifies stability and security because the option is there.

                • @Quantumcat: well if you rent a mansion (which people do) then non-issue anyway :)

              • @bobbified:

                You're 30 and you don't have your own house or car or anything

                Hahahaha, such a gold digger….you wouldn't want her anyways….unless she was hot…was she hot?