This one pops up every now and then but feel there may be a shift in recent years.
The current answer may be skewed by current economic crisis and the pandemic, but assume 'normal' conditions.
Acceptable Age to Still Be Living at Home with Parents?
inittobinit on 18/10/2020 - 18:44
Poll Options
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Comments
@bobbified: What if I'm over 30 and have saved way more than I need for a deposit, but continue to share a 2br unit for less than 200aud a week?
Will their judgements be negative? In my experience, they're just envious.
@ozbjunkie: If they know you have money elsewhere, they probably won't judge. But it's not like you're going to go around telling everyone that you've got a stash of cash sitting in your bank account. As far as I'm concerned, people can judge as much as they want. I'm not going to reveal my hand unless I really need to.
A lot of people judge others based on what they earn. Some people have straight out asked before and I'd say that I'm on $70-80K, even though I'm on much higher than that. But $70-80K is around average, so being "average" in their eyes is good enough for me. Some have then made fools of themselves in front mine and their friends because they then try to talk down to me etc. I really don't care. I'd much rather people underestimate me than overestimate me.
@bobbified: I say "around 50k" both because it's close enough to the truth, and because I know I am anything but average, on the contrary, I am fundamentally median.
@ozbjunkie: yes many girls are envious of your 2bdr apartment that you pay $200 a week for.
I myself am envious of your 2bdr apartment that you pay $200 a week for.
@Other: In reading my previous post, I realise I set up the two possibilities of "a negative judgement" and "envy" as if they are two different and mutually exclusive things. I now realise they are not mutually exclusive, and perhaps envy is even entirely contained within the domain of "negative reactions".
But it warms my heart that you took the time to say something that, in tone, seems very pleasant and well intentioned; there's hope for you yet, even if Udohatepeople :)
PS my share is 190, whole unit is 375, but in Sydney that's still something I could lead with on my tinder profile (it would be better than a shirtless pic, at least, within the present COVIDfat crisis).
@bobbified: Too true - Personally - I see the whole mortgage / housing market thing a scam anyway - I Invest in other assets that are lower risk than Australian property.
Because you look like you are still a kid and don't know how to look after yourself. No one is going to take you seriously as an adult.
I generally agree with you, but this is honestly a stupid take. I've never taken anyone more or less seriously as an adult based on whether they live with their parents. There are plenty of other more justifiable ways to judge people.
FWIW, I know plenty of people who lived with their parents until their late 20's or early 30's and they're genuinely responsible people, also know plenty of people who moved out in their early 20's who I would never trust with a dollar.
All of the things you're discussing - e.g. "how to manage bills", is honestly a pretty bad candidate for judging "independence". You know how you manage bills? You put it on direct debit and you never think about it again. Wow, so hard.
(For the record, I moved out at 24, so I'm not just saying this because I'm someone who live with my parents - I just think a lot of the whole "independence" thing is overstated. I managed to take care of everything myself once I moved out. Never had any issues. Same with everyone else I know.).
Contributing to the household. Financially and physically. Then stay indefinitely. A joint household will be more efficient.
Living life to the extreme.
and OB household would be a 3 generation home, with the kids on exercise bikes recharging the Eneloops!
Depends if you're asian or not! My parents told me that I should stay until I'm married and, even then, if we wanted to we can still stay. They also said that it's a waste of money to go out and pay someone else's mortgage. If I had excess cash that I didn't know what to do with, they were avaialble to help mind it! lol 🤣
I'm not even remotely asian, but in principle I totally agree with your parents.
I really shouldn't just say "asian" or not. But generally those that belong to non-western cultures.
To be honest, I've always thought that westerners have very weak family values. There isn't much of the "sharing" and "support" that I have seen while growing up.
It depends on what you mean by westerners, I think it's mostly a case of English speaking countries vs the rest of the world, with the exception of a few other countries with specific economic conditions and cultural backgrounds.
That is for people living with parents during uni and after though, generally you;'d move out if you get married.I think it's mostly a case of English speaking countries vs the rest of the world
Yes, I actually agree that your description is more accurate. It's mainly the aussie and american cultures that I see do that.
Completely disagree that it’s a non-westerner thing. As someone who is a second generation Australian with European descent, we have very strong family values and also the reasons you listed above were the exact reasons why I didn’t leave until I was 30.
To be honest, I've always thought that westerners have very weak family values
I strongly disagree with this. Some western families want their child to move out before 30 to help them form their sense of identity and also teach them important life skills on how to operate as an adult. I would say western families can be extremely loving and close, and parents would do a lot to support their kids. There's just an understanding that you can't be a kid in the house forever. Lots of western families also like to support their children with their first house, wedding and setting themselves up in life etc.
I think compared to say "non-western" families, perhaps there is more of a priority on the development of a child's sense of self and personality rather than the financial side of it? Some western families believe this is more beneficial in the long term. There's no use having a child at home at 30 who has no idea how to look after themselves. What happens when they get married and have a partner? They'll be learning how to cook and live out of home for the first time with their partner.
Western families and parents plan in the long term to live independently. I believe non-western families believe the family unit (including housing) can coexist permanently. Perhaps generational prosperity and elderly support mechanisms available is an explanation for this.
Almost always true.
Most successful guy I ever saw was a developer and his brother who owned a business.
Why? could share 2 incomes and do developments. Business threw off excess cash to invest in land banking, etc.
Ended up with 50+ cheapo apartments throwing off not huge money, but the bulk more than made up for it.I'm gonna say some western cultures. From my anecdotal experience, the northern european people tend to be colder in nature and far less 'family oriented' as opposed to the warmer, more integrated southern\Mediterranean westerners.
You even see this in Latin America, where typically children tack on an extension to homes and live with parents once they get married
@SupeNintendoChalmers: A lot of its just survival culture
A culture where you can survive on your own easily, leads to more individualism.
A fascinating side effect if this I've started to realise as grew older, was the concept of cutting of family ties
Off the top of my head I can recall at least 5 conversations with white Australian friends, who calmly talk about how they don't talk to family, even when they live in the same house.
Oh just remembered a work collegaue his mum has only seen her grandkid once. He didn't fight with his mum, he just wasn't the favorite
If anyone else found this comment chain interesting, might I recommend reading Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
Interested if when you were living at home you contributed to the household? Either financially or with work around the house?
Either financially or with work around the house?
Should really be both
Honestly speaking, there was a lot more that I think I could've contributed around the house, but my parents preferred myself and my siblings focus on ourselves and our friends. They actually refused any financial contributions from us for years. Only on constant insistence, they eventually only accepted token amounts from us. We were not rich by any means. Quite the opposite actually. But they wanted us boys to save for our own homes and our own future lives. They wanted us to take the opportunities they didn't have when they were younger. I actually ended up moving interstate for work when I was 24.
Years down the track when we're all buying our own homes, they've given us all our money back, plus much much more. Finances-aside, I cant even begin to express how appreciative I am for all the things I learnt from my family. They taught me how to treat the people around me and not just focus on money all the time.
Defs money ain't everything!
I've seen families torn apart by money. Heck we've already had a taste of it with many extended family.
I trust mum with it all; what's hers is mine, mine is hers mentality. And we're responsible with it.
Family is everything in this house! If we don't have anything else at least we have each other.Jeebus, I think you won the family lotto! That's awesome. For me personally, I paid a lot of attention to what my parents did wrong, and made sure I did the exact opposite. I'm 36 and in a great spot financially now. regrettably my brothers and sisters haven't made the best choices, but they will always have me to fall back on if everything turns to shit. That matters for me more than anything.
they've given us all our money back, plus much much more.
wait, what money back?
@capslock janitor: The token amounts we insisted on them accepting as a contribution - when it came time for each of us to buy our first properties years later, my parents gave it all back, plus a "present" from themselves too. That wasn't something I was expecting!
I think Wogs, Arabs and Asians generally share the 'family values' i am half (Asia) half (wog) so i can tell you family is very important to both. - i do consider myself 'Australian' but my background and culture do play a large part of who i am. I moved out with my gf (now wife) at 25 got engaged after we lived together for around 10months, now married with a baby. - keep in mind i had a pretty hard religious up bring but i didnt want to get married until i had lived/travelled with a person 1st - moving out with my gf at the time was a big deal but i felt it was an essential step before i took the next step…
I do think the family values can back fire if you parents dont have some level of 'get your shit together' - which i think most Asian parents do (however ive seen that too much pressure back fire with mental health issues becuz they couldnt get the Atar score there parents expect etc) i wouldnt say the same for Wogs and Arabs imo they have a 'too lazy approach to pushing kids into achieving aything (bar Egyptians i think they have a big push to become a Doctor and drive a BMW in there culture)….
Regardless the point i wanted to make is, i have friends who's parents probably 'loved them too much' in the sense they are in there 30s never had a full time job for a >12month period, have no higher education (or they dropped out of uni), no trades and no career prospects and still milk there parents, pay for nothing and essentially have no future once the parents are gone.
The parents have never pushed them out and imo a bit of 'western' values might of helped them grow the f**k up. I remember when i was playing Soccer in 20s and i had chat to one who essentially was leeching off his parents and stealing from them to buy drugs i had a hard talk to him told him to get his shit together. His reponse was my parents are rich when they die i will inherit loads of $$ i dont need to try in life…. guys 35 now still no full time job, still taking drugs, still milking his oldies…
I could probably run a list of 6-7 other ppl i know who i would call useless adults due to the fact they never had any pressure to 'grow up' and just milked there parents a bit too much….
As a father now i have no issues with my son living with me till he is somewhat established in life ie can buy his own place educated etc however if he is sitting on his arse doing nothing at 20 im going to tell him to get his shit together or move out, becuz sometimes you need to learn to swim by being thrown in the deep end.
Like I said above some western cultures are more family-oriented than others. From my anecdotal experience, the Northern European people tend to be colder in nature and far less 'family oriented' as opposed to the warmer, more integrated Southern\Mediterranean westerners.
You even see this in Latin America, where typically children tack on an extension to homes and live with parents once they get married- it's no accident the majority of LAs have southern European lineage.
Damn I wish my asain parents were that supportive. Sometimes moving out its not about the money, its about relationship and connections. Granted though most of them have issues and is basically living paycheck by paycheck, but hey its either hell or a better quality of life.
Once you are making enough money to rent your own place and pay your own bills, I think it is time to move out. By staying with parents you obviously save money but also sacrifice an invaluable experience of living on your own before starting your own family.
Live for a while in a share house as well, you will learn how other people live and show you your own bad habits. This will help when you want to live with a partner you get an understanding of what you like and dont like in other people more than living at home and with yourself.
As long as you want, but for me getting out by twenty to experience being independent and having zero rules to abide by was my goal. I do think it’s pretty sad seeing late twenty / thirty year olds living at home still, surely your old enough to leave the nest and learn to make it on your own, and give your parents some reprieve. Will get negged by every adult living at home now.
Don’t you want to Get home as late as you want, have gatherings, one night stands, and all other bad shit you wanna do.
I had a colleague who is 38 living at home, never moved out. Seriously how fricken useless can you be still getting your mum to wash your clothes.
YOLO
Not if you're a Hindu.
I don't think its sad, if you have great rapport with your parents then why not live with someone you enjoy. Though strictly speaking it's probably 1% of the population that actually enjoys living with their parents.
It's good to experience the outside world and all, ultimately I think its about being around people you like. As opposed to moving out being alone or worst yet, sharing with someone that is nasty.
I couldn't wait to leave home and travel and meet new people and be my own person actually learn to be independent think for myself
But I guess if you're from a well off family with a mansion then you could literally have your own wing of the house and be like living in your own but then I guess your parents would just buy you a house to make you "feel" independent
No 17
Depends on the situation. Living with family to save money for a deposit or to take care of aged parents is a lot more acceptable than NEETing. Also depends on your relationship with your parents. I'd personally find it stifling and bringing girls home would be excruciatingly awkward; but if the house was sufficiently large, and your family keeps out of your hair, then maybe. Also depends on money. If you can't afford to move out, then you don't have a choice, so it's a luxury.
Lots of these answers explain a lot of the questions we see here.
Save for your home deposit when you’re young by living with the parents. Extra motivation to move out. Considering Sydney’s house prices, you might need to stay till you’re 30 to 35.
Or just realise you won't be living as close to Sydney as you would like…
You mean like Brisbane, Melbourne or Adelaide?
(i think you're joking?)
reckon he means the outer suburbs
If you’re studying then till you finish your degree. Otherwise as soon as you start full time work.
until you get married.
until the SO is manipulative and drags you away
(didnt neg ya)
No need to listen to the fake social engineering that you have to move out. Just discuss thing as an adult and live the way you choose that has everyone else happy too.
On the flip side I find it sad that people even care what other people do.
69 people are 30+ and still living at home, haha…
It’s 41.
Depends what culture you are. Mines Asian, and usually the son stays home to take care of the parents whereas the daughters will move to the husbands (family) as its expected for the "men to take care of the wives"
I thought the wives took care of the men…..
Hmmmm…… change is happening!
Well, the men provide financially, women are/were generally expected to stay home, have babies and 'look after the house'.
Yeah perhaps in the 50's but you know it's 2020 now and women are actually capable of working. Shocking stuff I know.
@feebo: Just because everyone is capable of working doesn't mean this current wave of everyone being at work until we're 67 is ludacris.
Who is meant to bring up the kids when the parents and grandparents are all at work 8.30 to 6pm five days a week?
I don't care if its the mum or the dad, or one of the mums or one of the dads, or one of their grandparents, but in my opinion, kids need to be with their family, not some stranger who gets paid minimum award rate to juggle looking after 20 kids simultaneously.
It's all contextual and depends on your situation.
Let's say you're 40, in an abusive relationship and manage to break it off but have nowhere else to stay. Your parents would be kinda shitty to not let you live with them and friends would be shitty to judge you for that.
On the other hand, if you're 20, with a partner and kids and financially successful enough through your family or through your own business etc., I think it's probably high time to move out.
I don't think people would judge you for moving home temporarily if you are on a crisis situation
But you'd already moved out before that to be living with someone else to then need to return somewhere safe, its not the same thing.
It's hard out there in the adult world. Some can cut it, some can't. I left at 15 and grew up fast.
I left a small country town for Sydney at 16. Lived in a Hostel for men (about 250) in the cross for 2 weeks before i found a more suitable Hostel.
Comes a time in life when you just need to find out what you are made of and who you are. Todays generation are soft in so many ways.
Lived in a Hostel for men (about 250) in the cross
Your username… 🤣🤣🤣🤣
not sure why the negs for sharing your experience…. too many butt hurt people.
literally butt hurt?
Completely agree. Not sure why you're getting negged (probably softy's from the current generation).
Similar story, left a dead country town at 17 and went to the city. Had to earn everything, not gifted by mummy and daddy.
It was tough, but it made me who I am and I wouldn't change it for anything. Now I feel sorry for the kidults whole still reside with their parents and have never really "lived" in the real world, always sheltered, they never mature.
Poor choice of voting options.
Where’s the 80+ option
Hi, I'm from 'guinness world records'
Very generalised question. It all depends, based on who’s culture “norms”.
I think “Aussies” generally leave home when they are at adult age, but I think times have changed it is 2020, standard of living has changed a lot, the cost of moving out, etc has also changed ( increased ), but wages hasn’t increased at the same rate. Some countries cost of living is prohibitive to move out so, it isn’t economical unless you plan to live on the street or worst accommodation than home. I’m sure there are many other factors, not limited to this.
Some countries all the generations live under the same household and others don’t. They must have ways to make babies 👶.
Also being 2020, who cares what others think, if you want move out, do it. If you want to stay home with your parents and they are ok that should be fine too.
I've seen so many Murican 'memes/references' of kicking them out once they turn 18.
It didn't used to be like that, pre-1940s multi generational household was still the norm in the US, then it rapidly changed to people living alone. So went people say it is normal, it is only a narrow window of our history.
Perhaps the post war economic boom (in US), enabled the next generation to move out (if you build it they will come right…) and have their "freedoms".
There is a slow trend now of multi generational household returning https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extended_family
There is a slow trend now of multi generational household returning https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extended_family
Because people are poor.
if you're making $600 plus a week you have no reason to be using your parents past the age of 18.
There was a friend of mine who saved up enough money by staying with her parents to own a house by mid 20s if I remember correctly.
I don't think that was a bad idea. Frankly I am slightly jealous, if anything.I do think it is getting worse and worse to move out, with rents becoming so expensive and whatnots.
What does it matter what's acceptable? Everyone's situation and circumstances are different. If the world we live in has taught us anything whats perceived normal isn't normal.
Normal conditions?
18.
I moved out when I was 22 because I couldn't stand the restrictions (and subsequent arguments) placed on me by my parents.
A school mate I keep in touch with still lives with his parents. He's 58. They get on well and he says he has no reason to move out. He's in a well paid job and worth several million so it isn't money.
My work colleague is 47 and his Mum was living in the granny flat at the back of his house until she recently went into a nursing. She drove him nuts but he felt obliged to look after her as she wasn't well or well-off.
I don't think there's a right or wrong age.
He's in a well paid job and worth several million so it isn't money.
His parents probably insist that he stay…
lol. No they are doing OK too.
Acceptable in whose society? The Italians take care of their family, unlike Australian UK heritage. They rather shove you in an old people's home than take care of you - as they had taken care of you. This seek of "how can I acceptably kick my kids out" will backfire severally when they kick you out into the old people's home.
Show some love and compassion.
Agreed. I think every culture except English speaking cultures would let you stay for a considerable amount of time. e.g. Aussies, UK, Americans etc. are gone from the house at 18
Lol maybe older people would prefer to live with older people. It brings a sense of community and relationship. Vs living in a house with your 30 year old daughter getting it on every other weekend.
The expectation that you have kids so they must look after you in old age is an unfair one, anyone who's had to lose years of their life (prime life age too) to care for a parent would understand this.
Being asked while in Asia how many kids I have, and saying "none" you get many confused faces and then the questions along the lines of "who will look after you in old age if you have no kids".
It clearly very cultural for many. When resources are pooled and people live in the same household forever it's less of a burden but for anyone who doesn't have that additional help and has to carry on the burden of everyday life, paying all of the bills and caring for a old and or sick parent we have a very different insight to it all.I don't think its the angle of "how can i acceptably kick my kids out" its different expectations that adults use to be adults and go out and live their own lives at 18-20 of their own accord, now the norm is shifting due to children taking longer to grow up (I know 30 year old's whose parents pay their rent, pay their car rego and payments etc) and want to shield their children from the real world of having to be accountable for your own actions and make it on your own.
If you’re married and living with your parents then that’s just strange in my opinion. Unless they are feeble or otherwise incapacitated.
In asian culture, it's normal for the son, usually the eldest son, to live with the parents (to take care of them while they're elderly).
That doesn't happen in aussie culture… the elderly parents often get booted into the nursing homes and the kids just wait for their inheritance!
How common is this really (sending parents to nursing home)? Is there a trusted statistics than can somehow prove this?
Well.. I can't seem to find any proper statistics within Australia, but I did come across this one from 2014 from the US, who's aren't too different to Aussies.
It's based on ethnicity and shows that 77.9% of residents are "White, not hispanic", followed by 14.2% "Black, not hispanic" at the higher end and then others such as "Asian" being only 1.7% at the lower end.
I've got to admit that I don't know how accurate this data is, but it probably isn't too far off.
the elderly parents often get booted into the nursing homes
Dan has now fixed that loophole.
Aren't aged care homes a federal responsibility anyway? Years and years of neglect but now it's suddenly an issue…
Aren't aged care homes a federal responsibility anyway?
Not, all. Regardless, Dan has fixed the issue of kids sending their parents there.
@smartazz104: Yes and no.
Federal Gov is responsible for Quality guidelines and doling out the money.
You want (Gov) money? do this, this and this (funding is provided per resident based on resident need).
But this does not always apply to privately funded care facilities, who don't take Commonwealth funding.And its hard to just order someone to do something when you don't exert direct control of them, unlike say a Hospital who are employed Directly by (State) Governments. (for a poor example you can tell kids what to do and make them scared for not doing it, but will they do it?).
The Commonwealth Gov then checks up on them (inspections). Most nursing homes do the right thing…. but some are obviously better than others.States are in charge of health laws, medical guidelines, profession guidelines (nurse, etc), respite care, etc.
So in some ways States are also in charge but more to do with the medical side (rather than the 'quality side').
Then you get some care facilities owned & run by the State Gov. who get Commonwealth funding.So whos in charge? Everyone, and so that means no one.
acceptable till any age is your purpose is to save money and already have like 3 properties with morgage and other investments etc.
not acceptable if you broke and keep checking ozb and buying iphones each year and go out drink every friday
Its 2020, you can get a room on flatmates/gumtree for $150-200 a week including all bills and fast net. Even at lowest paid job, moving out isnt hard.
good luck getting a job in this climate.
there's jobs out there. They might not be to your field, or your pay level, but there are plenty of pick packing, low experience, low security jobs out there to get you by if you really looked.
Sure but that doesn’t include all of the other expenses and is probably a lot worse than your parents house.
Reminds of the time when I got burnt really badly by a dodgy landlord.
I was paying for utility, and they were refusing to fix the heating system. It was during the winter.
If I were involved in finding a house, I wouldn't have gotten that place… but I was out of the country, and had little access to the internet at the time and I had my younger sibling taking care of the entire ordeal.I almost had to take them to the tribunal. I ended up breaking the contract early and was homeless (all my belongings were packed in my gf's car and I was crashing at someone else's place until I found a place).
I still to this day absolutely loathe the people who think they can take advantage of people who are disadvantaged (i.e. international students who don't know the law well).
@Zachary: hahaha.. well, I wouldn't have gone there if she wasn't hot. But still, I couldn't bring myself to try get her back using a bank statement. Although, those expectations are not really that uncommon amongst the asian women. It generally only becomes a problem when they ask why the house isn't a mansion and the car isn't a ferrari! LOL