Out of Control 3 Year Old

archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 15:06
Last edited 21/08/2023 - 15:27 by 1 other user

A friend(not an Aussie) has a 3 year old daughter. We are very close and are like family.
He has been telling me that "terrible twos" is nothing compared to what she behaves now.
I always thought he was joking. Spent the last week with the family on a vacation/get together.
And…. the kid seems straight out of The Exorcist.
Hits 24x7 - you will be sitting with her and BAM punches the eye socket for no reason.
The mother had a fractured arm, hits the arm for her amusement instead of feeling any empathy.
Strangely doesn't hit the father but does everyone including me.
And then at times she will be the most caring child I have ever seen.
She also doesn't sleep enough, not tht she will throw tantrums all the time, she will just stay up in bed quietly but not close her eyes.
Pointing that out as that was the only thing the parents and me believe is the cause for her erratic behaviour.

Irony is I did meet her last year and she was the sweetest child. The parents are great too, so patient that it scares me. Strict when it is needed to.
Never raise their voice or threaten the child.

I feel a sense of hopelessness for them, as they couldn't put her in daycare as she wouldnt eat - not misbehave.
And are just hoping she can get through pre-school without any incident.

I have countless friends preach them do this that, even I thought I will show them a trick or two but am just speechless.
I have seen them try and get help as well but the latest paediatrician they saw said there is nothing mentally wrong with her and is just a phase.
What scared me was she grabbed a fork on the table when we were distracted and started poking the mother non stop who was helpless to defend herself due to the fractured hand.

And all those tiktoks who say "tell them to speak their feelings" and she says I am sorry and keeps hitting.

Only thing I did after spending a week with them is watch - We need to talk about Kevin. The kid isn't far off.

Any advice on what can be done?

Toys & Kids

Comments

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:24

      omg didnt even know the term but its true.
      Maybe there is a Facebook group about threenager horror stories.

  • Porker on 21/08/2023 - 16:47
    +3

    Call Super Nanny - or even just watch a few of her episodes (seriously).

    • Caped Baldy on 21/08/2023 - 16:52
      +7

      Nah get Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer

      • Protractor on 21/08/2023 - 20:16
        +1

        He'll just round up 12 of the little buggers, and go bush walking with them ,off leash, and let them beat the crap out of ech other till there's a pecking order.

        "This" toddler has a parent problem

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:25
      +2

      Never ever seen a clip of the show but honestly, i think i will try and watch a Season for my sanity. Just to see that what I witnessed was not so extraordinary. Its been 2 days since we left and I still have a migraine.

      • Porker on 22/08/2023 - 14:42

        Give it a go - you'll find a common theme in that it's often not the child (on basis that there are no psychological or other inhibitors), it's the parents that have directly / indirectly contributed to the issue.

  • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 16:59
    +6

    The parents should get her properly assessed. Maybe take some videos along showing her out of control. Make sure there isn’t something underlying this. She needs boundaries and time outs. If she wants to be part of family gatherings she needs to behave.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:26

      Thanks for the validation.

      • WhyAmICommenting on 22/08/2023 - 07:00

        Why don’t you suggest they video some of her behaviour. That’s a good suggestion if they haven’t done it yet.

        Still agree it’s not your problem to fix. But I’m curious what the father says about it all.

  • Gdsamp on 21/08/2023 - 17:03

    These days it is called ADHD

    • geekcohen on 21/08/2023 - 17:16

      Whilst I agree to a certain extend, I think that is a bit of a cop-out in society today. It is becoming more and more the default go-to when there are misbehaving issues. Even adults getting "diagnosed" with it.

      I think that the parents also have a part to play in this case.

      • Protractor on 21/08/2023 - 20:00
        -7

        These days ADHD is code for can't be arsed, should never have gone there, it's someone else's fault,I'm too busy/lazy/immature. What's more there's a trough of so called experts (read> I have a cert 4 in psych) dishing out the diagnosis. But most cases are diagnosed by parents or forums

        • Caped Baldy on 21/08/2023 - 20:44
          +6

          most cases are diagnosed by parents or forums

          I was having a look at reddit and people were trying to get diagnosed as an adult and it costs a few thousand. Even psych consults can be $400.

          • Protractor on 21/08/2023 - 21:39
            -6

            @Caped Baldy: …and then taxpayers fork out into the far distant future.
            I'll bet NDIS has more PTSD ,ADHD and other 1st world designer diagnoses than genuine physical disabilities. It's embarrassing . The Emperors New Clothes. Every man and his dog has done psyche theses days.

            *Good to see me still getting negged by the 'pay for diagnosis crew'

            • Gdsamp on 21/08/2023 - 22:14
              +6

              @Protractor: actually adhd is pretty hard to get properly diagnosed and is NOT on NDIS

              In WA it can cost Upwards of 800-1200 to get an initial consultation with the specialist who will diagnose & prescribe medication, will annual visits (that cost same as initial consult) to continue treatment.

              There is a popular one here who is described as a legal amphetamine dealer. Constantly booked out, he basically has a money printer.

              • Thaal Sinestro on 22/08/2023 - 06:59

                @Gdsamp: Yes, a GP can prescribe Stimulants under the authority of a 'Head Doctor', but you have to see a psychiatrist a minimum of once a year in order to continue being prescribed ritalian/dexamphetamine.

          • Thaal Sinestro on 22/08/2023 - 06:55
            -3

            @Caped Baldy: An ADD diagnosis is coveted simply because it gives you access to certain Schedule 8 medications (Ritalin and Dexamphetamine). A diagnosis of narcolpesy is the only other condition under which our nanny state will grant access to these powerful dopamine agonists. There is a stimulant called modafinil that is Schedule 4 but there is no PBS subsidy unless you have a truckload of tests proving you have narcolepsy, so you have to pay $100 per packet, assuming you can find anyone willing to prescribe it for a psychiatric condition.

            Mental health care (psychiatry) is very expensive; I had to cut back on seeing a psychiatrist and eventually just quit due to gap fee increases (amongst other things).

            There is a tendency now to medicalize everything. A pediatrician would probably start by giving the child Ritalin. "Big pharma is always the answer", is how people think nowdays.

      • Sinnerator on 22/08/2023 - 08:29
        +2

        yes, everyone has an excuse for bad behaviour but no one has an excuse for behaving well.

    • [Deactivated] on 21/08/2023 - 20:28
      -1

      I'm not sure about this bandwagon.

      Who isn't neuro-diverse? Play to peoples' strengths rather than the upteen labels & some folks then using it as a cop-out.

      • Protractor on 21/08/2023 - 21:54
        -1

        It's a trough, not a bandwagon.

        • [Deactivated] on 21/08/2023 - 22:00

          It's actually rather disturbing.

          The 'labelling' is counter-productive. I fear whatever issues it will create down the track.

  • freefall101 on 21/08/2023 - 17:17
    +7

    Severe behavioural issues shouldn't be answered by randoms, it should be done by a professional. We have no idea what's going on and just throwing opinions.

    It's a child going through the developmental stages of life showing all sorts of problems, you don't just try fix it with trial and error from ideas you heard on the internet. Tell your friends to smarten the hell up and do something about it.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:27

      I agree thanks. I don't do social media apart from OzB so was merely seeking validation, if I take the plunge and if I continue to be friends with them I do the hard thing of convincing them to seek professional help or eventually.
      Like I felt she has a multiple personality disorder.

    • seannami on 23/08/2023 - 08:13

      This, It sounds like they need a child psych or social worker (not the CPS kind, the case assessment and management kind). A lot of community centers and medical centers would be able to refer, or even the mother's doctor when her cast is removed should be able to refer if asked.

  • Tomhaigh1 on 21/08/2023 - 17:20
    +2

    We were also in similar situation but after my kid started going to daycare, he improved a lot.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:29

      O k. So the kid was taken out of daycare as she was not eating.
      She will be going to preschool soon and that is what the parents say the paediatrician said should sort out (unless things get worse and said to discuss it if it happens).
      The parents did say that this was the worst they have seen her behave.

      • Tomhaigh1 on 21/08/2023 - 22:51
        +4

        Thats the tough part, my kid was also not eating and crying for 3-4 hrs straight.
        It took around 2-3 months for him to get accustomed. We only started with 2 days a week and then shifting to 3 days.
        Also we only sent him for 6 hrs in initial days so we could feed him accordingly.

        • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:53

          Thanks for sharing

  • Some Human on 21/08/2023 - 17:38
    +12

    A good smack used to fix that.

    • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 17:47
      -3

      You don’t fix violence by inflicting it.

      • djsweet on 21/08/2023 - 18:08
        +7

        Children can tell the difference between a smack when you’re naughty and hitting people for lols. A properly administered smack doesn’t even fit the definition of violence.

        • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 18:15
          -1

          Yeah, because kids that have been smacked don’t hit other children they want to discipline. Frankly there is a lot more research on discipline nowadays.

          My dad’s idea of discipline was to hit us with a leather belt. I’m sure you think that was fine as well.

          • djsweet on 21/08/2023 - 18:30
            +11

            @try2bhelpful: I’m sure you would like to infer all sorts of things about me that I never said. Regardless. Did it work? We’re you a good kid or did you go so far out of control it prompted your parents’ friends to seek help from internet strangers on their behalf?

            • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 18:50
              -8

              @djsweet: So you are justifying a grown adult hitting a child with a leather belt because I, probably, turned out OK? Just wow. If one adult did this to another adult, without permission, it would be assault. With smacking it may well be sexual assault. Honestly mate, you need to join the 21st century.

          • WillKillfor5Cents on 22/08/2023 - 11:15
            +1

            @try2bhelpful: I was hit with a belt as a child as a last resort when I just couldn't behave. Grew up fine, never bullied anyone and in fact when I moved to Aus for high school (as an ethnic), I got bullied. But I didn't grow up damaged and was able to stand for myself to make the problem go away.

            Hard choice, easy life. Easy choice, hard life.

        • ssfps on 21/08/2023 - 19:56
          +8

          Research suggests you're wrong, but who cares about research when you can be an idiot with an anecdote and confirmation bias.

          "…and I turned out alright" - spoken mostly by people I wouldn't want anywhere near me or my kids.

          In fact, what actually correlates to good behavior is not physical violence, but consistent, swift and appropriate/relevant disciple/consequences. Most parents that hit their kids are also permissive parents, they apply discipline based more on their emotion than intellect (so congrats, parent regresses to act like a kid with poor emotional control), and they apply it inconsistently, so the child doesn't have a sense of stability and doesn't understand or trust the boundaries.

          If the kid OP describes doesn't have some deeper behavioral issue, its very likely the parents aren't following through with their discipline, or they are being inconsistent, and its very likely hitting the kid would only make them worse behaved in the long term.

          • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 21:40
            +8

            @ssfps: Absolutely. The problem here is too many people react without actually thinking it through. They have no ability to manage the situation without hurting the child. It absolutely astounds me people think it is OK to hit children. Funnily enough adults can only hit each other with permission.

    • djsweet on 21/08/2023 - 18:08
      +1

      Maybe it still does?

    • [Deactivated] on 21/08/2023 - 20:20

      Only for those kids who were smacked to write about it decades later on forums such as this one.

    • johnno07 on 21/08/2023 - 21:49
      +12

      No research backs up corporal punishment as having any benefit for children.

      All it suggests is that you, as a parent, lack self control.

      • djsweet on 21/08/2023 - 23:00
        +5

        Anyone who punishes a child without self control, without love and without ultimate concern for the child’s well-being is doing something very wrong. If punishments are handed out as an emotional response which lacks self control then it’s the parent that needs discipline, not the kid.

      • try2bhelpful on 22/08/2023 - 12:04

        I agree that corporal punishment doesn’t not provide benefit to the child. It shows a parent who can’t control a situation without inflicting pain.

      • Some Human on 22/08/2023 - 12:17

        We don't need research, we have eyes.

        • try2bhelpful on 22/08/2023 - 12:20
          +1

          Interesting ambiguous comment.

  • djsweet on 21/08/2023 - 18:10
    +3

    Poor kid. I mean either under disciplined or suffering from a behavioural disorder. If it’s the former, there are some possible steps, but if the parents aren’t already doing them they probably won’t start. If it’s the latter, then it’s gonna be a long road.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:32

      Hopefully its just a phase. The kid is lucky to have dedicated parents and grandparents (and in a way friends like us).

  • Payne on 21/08/2023 - 18:15
    +6

    I agree that it's probably at the point of needing as specialist, but if the sequence of behaviour goes:

    1. She starts hitting.
    2. She's eventually forced to apologise.
    3. She gets a cuddle.

    This is probably too simplistic, but is it possible she's using hitting to get affection and/or attention?

    • poboy on 21/08/2023 - 22:12
      +1

      She may have anxiety and big feelings. She doesn't know how to deal with these feelings and so turns to aggression.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:36

      Yeah I would simplify it the same but the 2 instances I told
      1. Sitting on the porch and staring in oblivion, and WOOSH she just punched my eye socket. Did she daydream something?
      2. Lack of empathy to the mother. I initially thought she is just frustrated that the mom is injured and cant participate in physical play and is getting upset at her. But the lack of empathy to the injury was surprising.

      These are the kind of instances that made me worry. Trying to talk to her and her first response to slap kick run and kick more.

      • Payne on 22/08/2023 - 14:18
        +1

        No idea why she lashed out, but was the consequence immediate? I know with our 3yo, my booming voice makes her stop. She cries, sure, but she then associates her behaviour with something scary, which means she learns what she's doing is bad.

        Does the dad in your case speak firmly to her? If so, maybe that's why she doesn't hit him? If the mum doesn't do the same, maybe there's no immediate consequence so she thinks it's ok.

        For the empathy, this is something that kids have to learn. My wife is better at this part. It's the debrief when the tears have stopped. We both explain to her why what she did was wrong and relate it back to one of her own experiences.

        In terms of hitting, we ask our daughter to remember times when she's hurt herself or when other kids have hit her and how it felt. Then relate that back to what she just did so that when she's calm, she understands why what she did was wrong.

        We've had to repeat that sequence quite a few times for our daughter to learn, but we're definitely making progress.

        I hope that helps and good luck to you and the parents.

        • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:15

          I thought a bit more of what all I observed. I think she just doesnt understand that she is hitting, its somehow her go to response on any scenario.
          The father one is tricky because when the father gets firm, she is even more upset and talks back. She doesnt talk back to the mom.
          Like what i saw was - randomly she will hit her mom more, or even others but never the dad.
          When "Educating" her she seems to respond well to the mom but if the father tries she is ignorant and if asked to pay attention talks back to the father.

  • Empharand on 21/08/2023 - 18:32
    +1

    Bikies

  • Tiredman on 21/08/2023 - 19:18
    +6

    Try this shit in my house growing up, out comes the rattan cane and slippers. Worked pretty well TBF.

    • try2bhelpful on 21/08/2023 - 19:33
      -6

      Yup, then comes the Rottweilers from Social Services.

    • cookie2 on 21/08/2023 - 21:35
      +2

      Or the thong (I feel it needs to be specified -the rubber type). Or wooden spoon.

      • MeesusEff on 21/08/2023 - 21:55

        i wish we had slippers or thongs as an option back then. Rattan cane, those thick feather dusters (the ones with the real feathers and caned curved handles, none of the plastic flimsy stuff), clothes hangers, rulers. the good ol days where things were built tough to last . maybe thats why everythings so sh*t quality these days lol

    • kaleidoscope on 21/08/2023 - 23:28

      Worked for us too, but kids these days are so very different…

  • tsunamisurfer on 21/08/2023 - 19:42
    +1

    I was a right shit when I was young.

    Thankfully my Father was quick with a cane.

    I learned those boundaries fast.

    Unfortunately that tool has been taken away from me for my turn as a Father.

    • ssfps on 21/08/2023 - 19:54
      +5

      Back in my day, we would punch adults like you for being so bad at discipline you feel the need to cane a 3 year old, but unfortunately that tool has been taken away from me for my turn as a fellow adult.

    • outlander on 21/08/2023 - 22:16
      +2

      There's also less serial killers now. Really feels like we've lost our way as a society

      • mrvaluepack on 21/08/2023 - 23:07
        +1

        I think its got to do with the fact that technology has improve so much that killers can't outsmart surveillance and technology and get caught before they become serial.

  • JimmyF on 21/08/2023 - 19:55

    Any advice on what can be done?

    Don't holiday with them again until she moves out of home (BTW vacation is an American saying).

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:38
      +1

      My plan is to have a call with them to go to a professional, I guess they will not take it kindly. End of friendship. End of any holidays with them.

      • JimmyF on 22/08/2023 - 08:59
        +2

        they will not take it kindly

        You guessed correct. Parents don't like you criticising their little bundle of joy.

        End of any holidays with them

        So why the down vote?

        • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:17
          +1

          @JimmyF I didn't downvote you, but I am trying to upvote all who have taken the time to respond and forgot to upvote you, which I have now.

      • JohnWick1980 on 22/08/2023 - 15:50
        +1

        Why are you so vested in this? I get it they are your friends but they surely won't be appreciating those comments. At of the end, its their problem and they will either deal with it or end up dealing with the consequences of not dealing with it. There is nothing you can do. Just move on.

        • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:19

          @JohnWick1980 We are like family but if I am honest I am a bit shocked by what I saw, maybe she does have split personality disorder.
          I didn't really think I will get much response on OzB and it was just some venting couple of days after seeing this.
          And now it is just become a good discussion to have. And I must admit it was just yesterday I had this urge to create a post, I am all over it as I dont think no parent would like to get advise unless its the grandparents or siblings, but I will reply to all comments out of courtesy.

          • JohnWick1980 on 22/08/2023 - 21:17
            +1

            @archieduh: I have a child in similar age category so i get it, it can be quite challenging. As parents (whilst extremely challenging), its important to try and keep a lid on things. Basically we want to make the child "likeable" so its easy for them to make friends - this means trying to keep a lid on "bad behaviour". I get it 3 year olds can be erratic. My kid has hit out quite a few times. That being said with a little stern talking to and constant reminders, they come around (unless it is some sort of disorder as others have mentioned and can only be diagnosed by professionals). Taking a soft approach with everything does create problems which seems to have contributed to the situation your friends are experiencing. I have taken my kid home from parks and other places where the behaviour has not met expected standards. 3 warnings, if the same action is repeated the third time, its time to go home. Few times and they know you are not kidding! As a parent you do feel bad in these situations but i know its the right thing to do.

  • dogboy on 21/08/2023 - 20:48
    +2

    Sounds like they need to take the kid to a paediatrician to get them diagnosed.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:39

      If serious - yeah I mentioned they did.
      If sarcasm - its not like they took the kid to the paediatrician for specifically this. During routine checkups, they would talk about her behavioural issue with the doctor and if there is some reason and what kind of specialist can they go to. As of now the doctor said just to wait a bit more.

      • dogboy on 22/08/2023 - 11:20
        +2

        I was being serious. Friend's kid was out of control and the parents did this and now the kid is on medication and is a lot more well adjusted.

        • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:21

          Ok, thanks for sharing. Have always been skeptical on medcation for behavioural issue but I think in this case it may be warranted. Good to get a better understanding of human nature.

  • cookie2 on 21/08/2023 - 21:37
    +3

    They need to tape a few examples and see another paediatrician. This is not normal behaviour for any age.

  • Logical on 21/08/2023 - 21:41
    +2

    How is the kids diet? Any high sugar rich foods and drinks? How was the routine for the kid in their first 2 years? Go to sleep and wake up same time? Eating meals at same time? Or were the parents always out and about?

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:43
      +2

      Good questions, would not know much details on all things.
      What I do know - the kid weighs less than what she should at her age. Eats ok, but not good enough.
      Didn't have any milk for first 2 years due to allergies (i think, dont know) but now does take some.
      Parents work from home since birth,
      Sleep - as i mentioned, the kid sleeps 6-8 hours at best. She was always awake wheneven I got up and I could always hear struggled to put her to sleep. I just know this for the week I was there, I do not know the routine in the past.

      • knasty on 22/08/2023 - 06:34
        +2

        My sister had a food allergy as a child. Was perfectly normal until she ate a trigger food and then was a nightmare. Parents worked out the trigger and avoided it and then she was perfectly fine. Id definitely be getting a food and environmental allergy test done just in case that's a cause/contributor.

        • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:22

          Thanks. I too was thinking that (but only sugar) so yeah maybe something does else, like maybe rice… would be really interesting to know.

  • poboy on 21/08/2023 - 22:10
    +5

    Complete sympathy from me. Most people answering here have no idea what it's like with a neuro diverse kid.

    From my experience, diagnosis can be very difficult. Is the kid bed wetting? Very intelligent? The kids could have PDA (pathological demand avoidance). Or something similar.

    The punish/reward strategy is quite different with these kids. It takes sooo much patience and consistency.

    Melatonin for sleep.

    I'm not a health professional.

    Good luck.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:44

      Thank you. will make a note and share.

  • screensaver on 21/08/2023 - 22:23
    +1

    Get her a trampoline to burn off energy and it will make her tired.
    Warch SuperNanny, as I recall one of her treatments for this would be to put the child in time out for 3 minures, the naughty step (to place her on). one minute for each year of age, you have to repeat this if they move away, for hours if necessary. Tell her she has to stay for the 3minutes on the naughty step. You must follow through and keep placing her back.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:48

      No amount of physical enery tired her. I was amazed of where was she getting this energy from.
      The ONLY think that worked everytime was, getting into a car seat, playing some country music at low volume and driving on a quiet road.
      She would fall asleep in 30min. Other than that, make her run 20km and she still wont stop.

      • screensaver on 21/08/2023 - 22:54
        +1

        yes but you havent tried the trampoline, its a different form of exercise

      • JohnWick1980 on 22/08/2023 - 15:54

        Not necessarily true! Have a kid similar age. There is a breaking point for everyone. Keep pushing it till you get there and then you know how to tire them out!

  • mrvaluepack on 21/08/2023 - 22:32
    +1

    Sounds like strawberry gen parents. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:45
      +1

      Trust me, I thought the same. I am traumatised.

  • Odin on 21/08/2023 - 22:49
    +2

    If you think the kid has a disorder - i.e. they're born with something wrong with them - go to paedeatrician

    if you think it's just managing behavior - look at these guys: https://biglittlefeelings.com/

    They have an instagram page that's pretty good and explains a lot.

    We've learnt a lot in the last 30 years. Treating toddlers like shit and punishing them is not the way to raise healthy, well adjusted children.

    • archieduh on 21/08/2023 - 22:50

      Thanks a lot. Will make a note and share.

  • kaleidoscope on 21/08/2023 - 23:43
    +1

    I'm not qualified to give any advice but sharing my experience as someone with a 4yo kid.

    I have seen them try and get help as well but the latest paediatrician they saw said there is nothing mentally wrong with her and is just a phase.

    Yes sadly it is a phase, and every kid does different things during that. It looks like this one in particular is somewhat concerning. If you happen to be at their place next time, do some observing (don't intervene or give advice, but just observe and see where and how it begins, how it proceeds and how it escalates and what does the parents take as actions throughout and how the kid receives them) and have a discussion with them on a later day about it).
    Taking out the cane or slipper might seem the way to go, but that does not always work with every kid and it can only adversely affect their mental development if not done right.

    I personally believe changes needs to be made (the way parents react, respond) to such incident as well as how they spend their time with the kid. The best course of action from my best opinion is, gather as much info as possible through observation and visit a specialist to get some advice. It'll take time, but its a step towards right direction.

    • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:31

      Thanks for sharing. I tried my best to identify a pattern or something in this recent trip with them but couldn't understand at all how the kid was going from 0 to 100 in quietest of settings.

      • kaleidoscope on 23/08/2023 - 11:36

        My 2 cents is every kid is different and should not be treated or responded the same just because it worked for 99 others. The effort on parents side is the time they spend understanding their own than applying some ready made solution out there. This is where the observation I mentioned really helps. Good luck and hope it goes well!

  • Gramp on 21/08/2023 - 23:46
    +1

    It sounds like she definitely needs to be reviewed by a mental health professional.

    Some of it may have to do with attention. All this negative behaviour (hitting, tantrums, not eating) is getting a reaction out of everyone. Even though the attention is negative, her behaviour might be reinforced by the reward (attention/reactions).

    Perhaps you could suggest that the parents control their reactions when the child misbehaves (stay calm and place child in bed or somewhere safe, and let her know that they'll talk once the child is calm and quiet). The kid will probably carry on for awhile for the first several times until they learn that her screaming will not give her any attention, she'll get attention once she's calm. Then when the child is calm, talk through what happened and discuss how things could have been handled better. She's only going to get stronger and more stubborn as she grows up…

    They could also try giving her plenty of positive attention when she's well behaved to see if that helps. Good luck to your friends. Parenting is the hardest job in the world.

    • Odin on 22/08/2023 - 09:04
      +1

      All this negative behaviour (hitting, tantrums, not eating) is getting a reaction out of everyone

      Something a lot of people aren't willing to consider is sometimes the child isn't getting enough attention. Perhaps the parents are ignoring the child when the child is asking for attention or focus. It's pretty natural for the kid to lash out to get that attention through more drastic means.

      A bit of care and attentiveness during daily life helps avoid issues like in the original post

      • archieduh on 22/08/2023 - 20:36

        Yes that is there. Some of the hitting was when we all would zone out on our phones, and at that time I felt the anger was justifiable.
        It was just those random, non-attention seeking instances where she would hit as if its a game.

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