Customers Asking Where I am From. Do You Find it Racist?

Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 14:28
Last edited 09/02/2024 - 14:11

Hey everyone! I haven't posted a forum post for a while. I work in retail (I won't say where) and I have people/customers asking me where I am from.
I personally find it racist for people to ask me out of a sudden/randomly where I am from. Where does that accent is coming from? Strange name, where are you from?
How long you have been in Australia? Why did you come to Australia? Are some of the questions I am been asked daily and to be honest it's getting on my nerves and I find it racist.
To give you context, this are not regular customers that I have interactions everyday. This are random first time customers.

What do you think?

Racist or not racist.

Also I would like your input on how you would reacted if something like this occurs daily to you.

Edit: Thanks to scrimshaw for sharing this article. Although I respect people's opinion, I would suggest people reading this article that might change the way you think.

Poll Options

  • 143
    Definitely Racist
  • 657
    Not Racist
  • 941
    Just nosy/curious people
Education & Work

Comments

  • the4thzodiac on 07/02/2024 - 15:22
    +2

    It's small talk, and like many alluded to, a cultural thing (many cultures, not just one or two). No harm, no foul.

  • blonky on 07/02/2024 - 15:26
    +16

    A couple of my coworkers seem to get hounded by people who must know their entire ethnicity breakdown, even if they are Aussie born, to the point I feel uncomfortable for them

    Q: "Where are you from"
    A: "Australia, been in Sydney my whole life"
    Q: "No, what is your background"
    A: "I'm Australian, my parents were born here, and their grandparents…"
    Q: "But you must have some kind of mixed background, you don't look fully white"

    I think it depends on if the person is willing to share, but I can see how tiring it gets when asked so often

    • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 15:31
      +6

      That's some of the questions I have been asked. I haven't heard any of these questions been asked to any of my colleagues/coworkers. The thing it's tricky to avoid answering without been rude.
      When you give them an answer, then I am ready for "interrogation". Some people almost want to know my I.D number and everything about me.

    • scrimshaw on 07/02/2024 - 15:37
      +24

      https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/where-are-you-really-from-ho…

      It's definitely not a question I would ask in a formal or business setting. Bringing up their ethnicity at work can make some people feel alienated and magnify their differences from the majority demographic. As mention by the ABC interview "It's just that when you ask someone that, you're prioritising your curiosity over someone else's feelings"

      Only ask where they are from once you know them very well (i.e. close friend status) but even then if you have no business knowing a person's identity, don't prod them for it. They'll talk to you about it if they feel comfortable about bringing the subject up. Definitely keep it off the list of job interview questions too — it's illegal to ask for a person's ethnicity before you employ them.

      In an informal setting you'll just have to get used to being asked that question, but if it happens so often it can make a person feel that they are an outsider.

      • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 15:44
        +6

        That's exactly 💯 how I feel.

        • blonky on 12/02/2024 - 14:50
          -2

          I feel for you - I don't think it's deliberately racist but I do agree it makes people uncomfortable and can lead to suggested racism, and you wouldn't really know their intention behind the question

          I don't think the majority of people realise what they are really asking - "You look like you have xyz in you / you don't look 100% Aussie" = you have stereotypical physical features that I am publicly pointing out

          Wonder if you'd get a more accurate answer if you changed the poll to:
          1. I'm caucasian and think it is acceptable for a stranger to ask my own ethnic background
          2. I'm caucasian and think it is un-acceptable for a stranger to ask my own ethnic background
          3. I'm non-caucasian and think it is acceptable for a stranger to ask my own ethnic background
          4. I'm non-caucasian and think it is un-acceptable for a stranger to ask my own ethnic background

          • CurlCurl on 12/02/2024 - 15:28

            @blonky:

            I feel for you - I don't think it's deliberately racist but I do agree it makes people uncomfortable and can lead to suggested racism, and you wouldn't really know their intention behind the question

            1: I don't think it's deliberately racist. It isn't racist. Please check your dictionary.

            2: and can lead to suggested racism What is suggested racism?

            3: and you wouldn't really know their intention behind the question Do you need to know the intention of every question?

            • blonky on 12/02/2024 - 16:11
              -1

              @CurlCurl: Have you been on the receiving end of one these conversations? Then you probably don't appreciate how intrusive it can feel for the recipient

              Typically the follow up is "Oh, I thought I could see it (based on your eyes/nose/hair/skin/clothes)" - racial assumptions based on appearence / microagression
              Here's some examples of racial microagressions by the University of Minnesota: https://sph.umn.edu/site/docs/hewg/microaggressions.pdf
              And an article by the HBR

              Racism doesn't necessarily require hate crimes

        • rumblytangara on 08/02/2024 - 00:26
          +9

          Asking asian looking people where they're from is fricking rude. 100%. Don't do it.

          Seriously? White knight much?

          Asians ask each other all the time.

          I remember back in Mandarin classes rote conversational openers covered "where are you from?" / "I am from country X".

        • smartazz104 on 08/02/2024 - 09:21

          I found out a month ago my close friend is vietnamese. We've been friends for 20 years.

          What did you think they were before that?

        • ak47wong on 08/02/2024 - 10:51
          +4

          I can’t fathom how one can be close friends with someone for 20 years and know nothing about their background.

          • rumblytangara on 08/02/2024 - 13:52
            +4

            @ak47wong: Yeah, seriously. This is like claiming to be 'close friends' with someone for 20 years yet somehow not knowing their sexual orientation, political views, or that they can speak Swahili. It's just totally implausible.

          • infinite on 08/02/2024 - 21:32
            +3

            @ak47wong: That's because he completely made the story up.

        • CurlCurl on 08/02/2024 - 11:32
          +2

          I found out a month ago my close friend is vietnamese. We've been friends for 20 years.

          That's hilarious. But wait, further down this page you say. * I have a lot of friends who are Asian Australian.* Maybe you are a bit slow.

        • us3rnam3tak3n on 08/02/2024 - 14:15
          +6

          my close friend is vietnamese. We've been friends for 20 years. Asking asian looking people where they're from is fricking rude.

          Knowing someone for 20 years and taking zero interest in their background seems far more rude to me.

        • ihfree on 08/02/2024 - 20:21

          Honestly, that's too far the other way. It's rude to ask someone you barely know the question, especially in such a way as "where are you from?" At some point, or even just through discussion, some background would come up and you might ask more. I know of pretty much all my friends backgrounds - including those where you wouldn't think to ask.

          It's an interesting topic for people you've known for longer than 5 seconds.

        • mwangdawg on 09/02/2024 - 16:17
          +2

          As an Asian, I don't mind getting asked that. Good way to start a conversation.

      • dmac on 08/02/2024 - 07:26
        +4

        Asking anyone a question could be prioritising your curiosity over their feelings.

        As Australians we are used to people coming from all over the world to be here, our families have, I have been asked these questions plenty of times over my life and find it hard to understand how it would be shameful or alienating to talk about our own heritage. If anything it seems like a way to be inclusive rather than exclusionary. Like "you matter, I want to know about you" rather than "I don't care who you are just serve me".

      • Tommyaka on 10/02/2024 - 17:40
        +1

        I recently joined a new team and was asked this question by a colleague. It was fantastic! We both spoke about each other's culture and we shared our love of food.

        The question in itself is not inappropriate, it is in the manner it is asked which can make it inappropriate.

      • Penalty boxer on 10/02/2024 - 22:46
        +1

        I struggle with this. Even though I was born overseas and am genuinely interested in other people's backgrounds, I now hesitate to ask about people's backgrounds for fear of offending.

        I'm just not cultured enough to tell the difference between people within Europe, South Asia, South-East Asia, Africa or South America let alone the difference between a 5th generation Anglo-American or Anglo-Canadian. Even with 5th-generation Anglo Australians, I'm fascinated by ancestry.

        I mean I feel like it's a little stereotypical to lump white people together when English and Irish people don't get along, and they don't seem to be annoyed by it.

    • Ghost47 on 07/02/2024 - 16:20
      -5

      A: "I'm Australian, my parents were born here, and their grandparents…"

      It's definitely a weird thing to be asking this sort of thing in the office but I'd personally respect someone a lot more if they simply and proudly say "I'm [insert ethnicity here]" when asked the question instead of trying to weasel their way out of it by saying "I'm Australian", "I was born here", "My parents came from [insert country name here]".

      It seems that the more time that's gone by the better it is to be white and the worse it is to be anything else in this country. Avoiding the answer screams insecurity more than anything IMO, and that's sad.

      • Skatez on 07/02/2024 - 17:22
        +9

        But if you were born in Australia then you are Australian, not [insert where parents came from here].

        • Ghost47 on 07/02/2024 - 17:34
          -2

          Of course. But just because you’re born in Australia it doesn’t mean your ethnicity isn’t Indian, Chinese, Pakistani, Irish, Scottish, Kiwi etc. as much as you want to deny it by saying “I’m Australian” or “I was born here” or “My parents are from Sydney” and so on for the next 10 minutes by evading the truth.

          • Autonomic on 09/02/2024 - 02:27
            +1

            @Ghost47: I'd respect someone a lot more if they didn't ask "what are you" as their opening question.

          • unison on 09/02/2024 - 14:17

            @Ghost47: But is it though? If someone is born to ethnically Chinese parents, but doesn't know any cultural norms nor the language is their ethnicity still Chinese?
            Or a different example, a Caucasian Australian couple adopts an African baby from the "Bantu" tribe, he grows up in Australia and is every bit "Australian" as their peers and doesn't know anything about the "Bantu" culture nor it's language, is Bantu still his ethnicity?
            The definition of ethnicity is: the quality or fact of belonging to a population group or subgroup made up of people who share a common cultural background.
            Without the common cultural background how can you claim his ethnicity is anything other than Australian?

            • Ghost47 on 09/02/2024 - 20:25
              -1

              @unison:

              Ethnicity has been defined as: "the social group a person belongs to, and either identifies with or is identified with by others, as a result of a mix of cultural and other factors including language, diet, religion, ancestry and physical features traditionally associated with race".

              I mean you can deny your ethnicity all you want and think you're White when you're Chinese or Black, but it won't make it a reality.

              There's more to ethnicity than just social group, if there wasn't why would the word "ethnicity" exist in the first place instead of just "nationality"?

              • unison on 09/02/2024 - 20:31

                @Ghost47: I guess what I'm getting to is the term "ethnicity" is convoluted and can mean different things to different people you refer it to genetic makeup, I see it as more cultural belonging. When someone like you asks the question, where are you from, I guess what you really want to know are three fold - Where do people with a similar genetic makeup generally live? What is your cultural upbringing? What's your citizenship? In the example I outlined, the answers would be: Bantu, Australian, Australian. While the first example would be Chinese, Australian, Australian.

                Regarding why the term ethnicity exist and isn't interchangeable with nationality is the fact that they can differ. Someone can hold an Australian nationality without engaging in the broader culture. Or as commonly with Golden passports, people can aquire citizenship in Greece, Malta or Saint Kitts and Nevis but unless they socially integrate no one would refer them to be ethnically Greece, Maltese or Kittitians and Nevisians

                • Ghost47 on 09/02/2024 - 20:42

                  @unison: Ah, yeah that makes sense. Although when you refer to "Australian" ethnicity (and therefore Australian culture), IMO Australian culture is becoming less and less defined due to how multicultural we are these days, whereas compared to the 90s for example the culture of this country seemed more focussed on things like footy, vegemite, cricket, having a fair go and whatever else (these are probably bad examples), whereas these days it feels like our culture is really no single culture but many different cultures.

                  I just think it's sad that some people seem to shun (or hide) their ethnicity/ancestry/culture because they live here. IMO in your example good parenting would be to help the child understand what their roots are, not just to let them grow up surrounded by Aussie culture because they live in Australia. The sense of belonging for them would also be stronger if they were around people that looked like them IMO. It's like on TV, everywhere in Australia and Hollywood most actors and actresses are White which can affect the mental state of young non-White people growing up who are mainly exposed to that media.

                  • unison on 09/02/2024 - 20:50
                    +2

                    @Ghost47: I don't think people shun their ethnicity/ancestry/culture (or whatever term you may want to use). I just think it's irrelevant if you have no connection to it other than genetics. A person like that is neither ashamed of it, nor proud of it, which I personally agree with as it is something you had no influence over and isn't a personal achievement of yours, thus feeling proud of it seems absurd.

                    • Ghost47 on 09/02/2024 - 21:32

                      @unison: That's fair, we don't need to agree. I think it's more complex and deeply rooted in psychology and I'm coming at it from a self-esteem perspective because self-esteem and ethnic identity can be closely correlated. E.g. If you're an ethnic minority growing up in a predominantly White country, at some point in your life you will be discriminated for your skin colour and unless you're brought up to be proud of who you are (i.e. your ethnicity/ancestry/culture) your self-esteem could suffer because you're "different". Having a strong sense of your ethnic identity can mitigate damage.

              • Autonomic on 09/02/2024 - 20:42
                -1

                @Ghost47:

                There's more to ethnicity than just social group, if there wasn't why would the word "ethnicity" exist in the first place instead of just "nationality"?

                If you grow up in China and move to Australia at age 20 and become a citizen, your nationality and ethnicity will be two different things.

      • richrichie on 08/02/2024 - 10:31
        +3

        I disagree that it screems insecurity. Some people just dont like to share their private information to strangers. And why should they?

        • Ghost47 on 08/02/2024 - 19:25

          Interesting question. Is someone's ethnicity considered as private information, especially when it is so outwardly visible (i.e. by looking at people's faces and skin tone)? If someone's ethnicity is private information, does that mean the news saying "African teens" (i.e. reporting about the incident in Queensland) is a wrongdoing or faux pas?

          I actually think it screams insecurity because if someone is dodging answering the question to the point the conversation seems to go nowhere then they obviously must feel somewhat awkward about telling the truth, no? Like asking a politician a question and they don't answer it.

          • richrichie on 08/02/2024 - 19:59

            @Ghost47: I'm not sure where you are going with your analogy/examples. If it is so outwardly visible, why do people even ask then?

            And how is not answering personal questions = insecure? I'm not good with analogy, but lets say if a stranger asks me, "what did you have this morning?", and my answer is "cereal" or "oats" or "none of your business", instead of what I actually ate, does that also scream insecurity?

            Even in many questionnaires, you get the options to choose "Prefer not to say" for ethnicity.

            At the end of the day, it is not your business (or whoever that asked the questions) what someone's ethnicity is.

            • Ghost47 on 08/02/2024 - 20:07

              @richrichie: There's nothing hidden in my reply besides what I actually said. I think you think there is because it's somewhat philosophical.

              If it is so outwardly visible, why do people even ask then?

              If someone looks White, they could be from the UK, NZ, Australia, Canada, South Africa etc. The act of asking is to simply find out where they are from.

              And how is not answering personal questions = insecure? I'm not good with analogy, but lets say if a stranger asks me, "what did you have this morning?", and my answer is "cereal" or "oats" or "none of your business", instead of what I actually ate, does that also scream insecurity?

              The insecurity is more in the dodging of the question. It's when the same question is basically being asked just in different ways, and the answer being given isn't actually answering what the question is asking. Instead of people trying to weasel their way out of the answer, why don't you just say "I'm not going to tell you [insert whatever they are asking about], so stop asking"? Because IMO that would be a much better way to get the point across than to answer "I was born here", "My parents are from Adelaide", "We live in Mitcham" etc.

              At the end of the day, it is not your business (or whoever that asked the questions) what someone's ethnicity is.

              I never said it was.

          • ihfree on 08/02/2024 - 20:12

            @Ghost47: People can make all the assumptions they want based on your appearance. Some curious rando has no right to know anything about you.

            Politicians have a duty to answer to the people(at least on theory) so it's quite a different scenario.

            Let's keep going with the analogies - if you drive a fancy car, people might assume you have a high income. If asked, would you confirm your income?

            • Ghost47 on 08/02/2024 - 20:18

              @ihfree:

              Some curious rando has no right to know anything about you.

              I never said someone has a right to know what someone else's ethnicity is.

              Just because I'm saying "Don't weasel your way out of the question" doesn't mean I'm saying "You HAVE to tell them what ethnicity you are"! I am saying that out of the two ways you can answer the question (i.e. either give the answer or don't) you can either say:

              1. "I am [insert ethnicity here]"

              or

              1. "I'm not telling you where I'm from so stop asking."

              Not

              "I'm born here"…. "My parents are from Perth"…. "I'm from Kalgoorlie."… "I was born in Karinyup"… "My parents moved from Melbourne when I was five"… 30 minutes later… "I said I was born here"… "I told you, my parents are from PERTH!"…. 10 hours later… "I WAS BORN HERE MY PARENTS ARE FROM PERTH I AM AUSTRALIAN!!!!!!"

              Do you understand what I'm saying?

              • richrichie on 08/02/2024 - 21:06

                @Ghost47: I get what you are saying now. But I still don't get the logic why the options are only those two.

                Someone can still choose to politely refuse to give out details by giving the still-technically right answer "I am Australian" to the question "where are you from?". Or can even lie about it. Why do people care so much about someone's personal details? Why would they go on and on for 30mins to 10 hours drilling into an information that they can simply just brush off and go on about with their life? I agree that is a common question for a small talk, more because people are curious than racist, but the subsequent 'not accepting' someone's initial answer is the annoying bit.

                The one who are curious can also not beat around the bush and start by asking directly "so, what is your/your parents/your ancestors' ethnicity?"
                I think this will get you a faster response if you are looking for only those 2 options as an answer.

                • Ghost47 on 08/02/2024 - 21:10
                  -1

                  @richrichie:

                  Someone can still choose to politely refuse to give out details by giving the still-technically right answer "I am Australian" to the question "where are you from?". Or can even lie about it. Why do people care so much about someone's personal details?

                  It's just easier if someone straight out says "I'm not going to tell you so stop asking." instead of beating around the bush. And I don't know why people care, they're nosy or weird. Who knows.

                  The one who are curious can also not beat around the bush and start by asking directly "so, what is your/your parents/your ancestors' ethnicity?"
                  I think this will get you a faster response if you are looking for only those 2 options as an answer.

                  Definitely, but I reckon they'd avoid that because it's much more confrontational and in-your-face.

                  • richrichie on 09/02/2024 - 10:38
                    +1

                    @Ghost47: well, exactly the same for people who would want to avoid "I'm not going to tell you so stop asking" because it's much more confrontational and in-your-face. Esp if you consider OP case where they work in retail and the one asking is a customer.

                    PS. I didn't neg you. I'm just enjoying discussion.

                    • Ghost47 on 09/02/2024 - 20:22

                      @richrichie: Hm fair point. But if the customer complains I'm sure the boss will side with OP. And all good!

    • Eeples on 07/02/2024 - 20:37

      I don’t like the ‘…you don’t look fully white’ part of this interrogation.

      I also don’t like the background answer….you know what they mean…. say it proudly… and look them in the eye.

    • Nebargains on 08/02/2024 - 10:48

      Answering like that is just being deliberately silly for no real reason, the person being asked would full well know what the person is getting at and choosing to give a silly answer. The problem is there is no real good way to ask the question without some people getting offended.

  • onetwothreefour on 07/02/2024 - 15:35
    +1

    I have an English accent but not too strong. Some people realise straight away and others it might take a bit longer. Either way many people start asking me questions about where I'm from. Whilst I guess answering the same questions over and over again can be a bit boring, they are just being curious and having a conversation. Nothing more to it.

  • Iwantthebestprice on 07/02/2024 - 15:36
    +1

    Wow people try to make conversation now is racist. Maybe they are just trying to have small talk. People travel and maybe they know your name or accent from somewhere they’ve been and are trying to get a convo started. Some people are just polite god forbid. I doubt they ask you this question followed by some racist sentence like oh I hate the people from there they’re XYZ. If you don’t want people to talk to you because you want to be like that put a badge on saying don’t talk to me.

    • Sxio on 07/02/2024 - 22:53
      -4

      If you're polite then you won't ask an asian person who speaks perfect english where they're from. Because if you've ever come out from under a rock, you'll know that it's not a welcome question.

      If that's really you trying to make conversation then you should get way better material cos that is the weakest most pathetic stuff that there is.

      • Iwantthebestprice on 07/02/2024 - 23:10
        +2

        And why exactly is it not a welcome question? I have a surname that is not English and people always ask me is it South African is European, why would I be offended by this? I speak perfect English and I should be upset by this. I get asked this by asians to, should I clap back at them and say it’s rude. So again, what part of asking that question make it’s rude, everyone has a background from somewhere, Australia is 100 years old so no one is “full Australian”. Come down off your high horse mate. If you can’t handle a question maybe you should stop being so sensitive.

        Edit: and based on the poll, I think you need to get out from under your rock bud

        • Sxio on 08/02/2024 - 08:50
          +1

          Because they do mate. They find it rude. I have a lot of friends who are Asian Australian and they find it rude. So you shouldn't ask.

          At a guess, I'd say it comes down to being constantly asked for their entire lives by white people where you are from which implies 'clearly you're not from here'. And this makes you feel like you're different. Like you're not welcome. Even though you were born here.

          It's a shitty way to feel.

          And every now and then you'll get an aggressive older white person interrogating you with the question. My wife isn't white and even going into a servo last week the guy working there gave her the 'where are you from?' spiel. Can you imagine how annoying it is to be asked to tell someone your family history constantly. When they're a stranger and very often not someone who has your best interests in mind?

          • ak47wong on 08/02/2024 - 11:46

            @Sxio: Nah

          • rumblytangara on 08/02/2024 - 13:59

            @Sxio:

            They find it rude. I have a lot of friends who are Asian Australian and they find it rude. So you shouldn't ask.

            Please stop your white knighting and speaking on behalf of Asians all over the country- personally, this attitude is the only offensive thing I've come across in this whole thread. Everything else has been predictably amusing, but it really ticks me off when someone else tells me that I am supposed to be offended by something. Over and over again.

            I mean, you don't see the irony of this? You are saying that you speak for all Asians, and that you know that all Asians are the same. Because you have some Asian friends.

            (I have to wonder if they're all called "Token")

            • Sxio on 08/02/2024 - 15:30

              @rumblytangara: Hahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh!

            • Autonomic on 09/02/2024 - 15:46
              -1

              @rumblytangara:

              I mean, you don't see the irony of this? You are saying that you speak for all Asians, and that you know that all Asians are the same. Because you have some Asian friends.

              So you can speak for all asians then?

              • CurlCurl on 09/02/2024 - 17:19
                +1

                @Autonomic:

                So you can speak for all asians then?

                Can you?

                asians has a capital A at the beginning. Looks like you being a bit racist by not doing it.

              • rumblytangara on 09/02/2024 - 17:25
                +1

                @Autonomic: Sumbody needs to learns teh logics. Not gonna say who, but sumbody.

                Edit: Hang on, you're the genius who was calling me the white guy (based on who knows what) somewhere else in the thread. Go on, pull the other one, it's got bells on :D

        • Autonomic on 09/02/2024 - 02:30
          -1

          Because you're being asked about the origin of your name, presumably because it's rare and not based on how you look.

  • Porker on 07/02/2024 - 15:37
    +1

    As @blonky has said, I can see it might get tiring but you're in a customer service role and it's not uncommon for people to use that question as a means to converse.

    As to randoms asking being a racial/racist thing (at the point of contact and in place of perhaps standing in silence)? …. It sounds like it's a 'you' issue.

    • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 15:41
      +4

      I am more than happy to have a conversation with a customer. But I personally don't like answering personal questions of where I am from, How long I have been in Australia, Why I came to Australia, Where do you live now, Are you single (unless it's a hot chick I don't mind answering that one).
      I am friendly but I feel like I prefer a more professional approach/conversations at work with customers.

      • Porker on 07/02/2024 - 16:11
        +1

        There's definitely argument to say that it could be 'racial/racist' as the purpose for them asking is not clear. Admittedly, if someone was asking about my heritage then I too would be a bit cautious and/or concerned.

        Possibly where the issue lies is that if there are so many asking, then surely a whole community can't be racist..? Is there something about the service / industry that you work in that typically only has a particular type working there?

        Stereo-typically speaking, I'd be hard pressed to find a Fish and Chip shop around my area that was operated by a Caucasian, such that I would wonder about their situation (likely for a split second) if I did see Caucasian.

      • this is us on 07/02/2024 - 19:33
        +2

        Through a different framework, you are being racist/whateverphobic unless it's a "hot chick"…

        You feeling uncomfortable or having a preference for a more professional approach doesn't make anyone racist because you don't wanna talk about where you are from, or if you are single…

        You've given a few examples of other questions you consider "intrusive". And you have all the right to find them intrusive, but people are not being racist because they ask where you are, from, where do you live, or if you are single…

      • john_conner on 08/02/2024 - 02:36
        +2

        There is a meme where a girl is complemented by an ugly man and she calls HR. The same girl gets the same compliment from a handsome man and gushes.

        You’re entitled to feel what you feel, hopefully it helps to know most people aren’t asking “because they are racist”. Honestly if someone wants to persecute you, they don’t need to ask where you are from first.

        If you don’t want to answer for any reason just change the subject to something more appropriate. If you get pressed on it, you can deal with it politely (or not, depending on your mood).

        A suggestion:
        “Oh why do you ask?” You might gain some insight because their xyz is from somewhere they think you may be from. Then just point the conversation in that direction. You may be able to still answer their curiosity by say “I’m not from there” without being too specific if you aren’t comfortable.

        Don’t feel compelled to answer anything you don’t want to, also try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not let it wind you up. Learn to deal with it amicably and hopefully it won’t bother you as much in the future. In the end you can only control how you feel and deal with the situation.

        Also. You don’t need to direct address that you aren’t comfortable with a line of questioning. Especially not to gain someone’s “respect”. People should be able to take a hint.

  • Zeph101 on 07/02/2024 - 15:38
    +1

    I am constantly asked numerous questions as to my name, where it comes from etc. Ozzie born, family are all from the UK so I sometimes have the accent in conversation.

    Can be a bit odd being asked but usually it is from clients with strong english accents that ask where in the UK i'm from. Always disappoint them and just say Ozzie born but parents are from Cambridge.

    Never found it racist but always as a conversation piece and usually have some chats etc from it all.

    • Moltenz on 07/02/2024 - 19:34
      +2

      The word is Aussie. Ozzie is an ostrich.

      • EBC on 08/02/2024 - 19:02

        Maybe he is Ozzie Aus born.

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 07/02/2024 - 15:49
    +7

    ehhh i usually get asked at the end of the conversation.

    so where you from?
    Australia.
    ..yeah but like..where are you REALLY from?
    My mum? HAHA

  • HamBoi69 on 07/02/2024 - 15:53
    +1

    I’m gonna take a stab and say OP is Scandinavian. Or Norden.

  • sam-1966 on 07/02/2024 - 15:55

    I remember being at the hospital when my daughter was young and asking the paediatrician where she was from - she looked shocked, and replied 'here'!

    Then I realised how my question sounded - I was asking as her name tag said 'visitor' and felt awful.

    So of course, I told her that was why I was asking and she just laughed and said she'd been at the hospital for months, but no one could be bothered making her a proper tag.

  • R4 on 07/02/2024 - 16:11
    +11

    Not racist.

    Small talk.

    Move along - nothing to see here.

  • sagas0007 on 07/02/2024 - 16:13
    +3

    They ask "where are you from " even in my home country

    • pegaxs on 07/02/2024 - 16:38
      +2

      Hehehe… Vietnamese wife went back to Vietnam once and was told her Vietnamese language skills were "pretty good for a Chinese woman…" Woah, was she pissed, her family go back about 20 generations or more in Vietnam.

      • smartazz104 on 08/02/2024 - 09:22

        Wow even in Asian countries they can't tell each other apart…

  • Ghost47 on 07/02/2024 - 16:21

    Have some pride for who you are OP. Stand up tall, tell them where you came from. Who gives a damn if they judge you for it, that's their problem. Don't forget who you are and what your heritage is. White isn't always right.

    • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 16:24
      -4

      I have no issue and I do have pride of where I am from, but I still believe that this kind of questions shouldn't been asked as it makes the person feel as an outsider or not included in the society. Everytime someone asks that question a seed it's been planted in my head that the questions are racial motivated.

      • Ghost47 on 07/02/2024 - 16:28
        -2

        If you really have pride for your heritage you should proudly say what you are outright to them. Imagine all your ancestors going back hundreds of years watching you, how would they feel if you were ashamed of your ethnicity? They would think "Holy shit our bloodline is full of simps now."

        And sure, it's a weird question but here's the fact: a lot of Australians are like that. They ask questions that are beyond idiotic because someone isn't White. You don't want to be included by those kinds of people.

      • CurlCurl on 07/02/2024 - 17:18
        -3

        I have no issue and I do have pride of where I am from, but I still believe that this kind of questions shouldn't been asked as it makes the person feel as an outsider

        It makes YOU sound like an outsider. Toughen up princess.

        • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 17:21
          +1

          I don't feel I should change my opinion for anyone. The opposite, people should learn some social skills and have some emotional intelligence. People should think before they talk.
          Example: Ask yourself, how would I feel if I was in his shoes?

          That requires some kind of emotional intelligence.

          • CurlCurl on 07/02/2024 - 17:33
            -1

            @Scrooge McDeal:

            I don't feel I should change my opinion for anyone. The opposite, people should learn some social skills and have some emotional intelligence. People should think before they talk.
            Example: Ask yourself, how would I feel if I was in his shoes?

            That requires some kind of emotional intelligence.

            I didn't ask you to change your opinion but you want people to change to your opinion. BTW, You have never BEEN in my shoes. As I said .. toughen up Princess ..

          • brendanm on 07/02/2024 - 18:11
            +2

            @Scrooge McDeal:

            Ask yourself, how would I feel if I was in his shoes?

            People always ask my background when then see my name, I could care less, it's something to talk about.

          • this is us on 07/02/2024 - 19:37

            @Scrooge McDeal: "That requires some kind of emotional intelligence"

            You should take your own advice there…

            • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 19:40
              -3

              @this is us: I like to believe that I do have high emotional intelligence. I have empathy and I think before I talk.

              You should take your own advice there…

              Do you have any proof of otherwise?

              • this is us on 07/02/2024 - 19:54
                +1

                @Scrooge McDeal: Regarding emotional intelligence, you are not dealing very well with your frustration and is pretty sure that a bunch of people are being racist because they are chatty and not introspective.

                https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/emoti…

                "the ability to understand the way people feel and react and to use this skill to make good judgments and to avoid or solve problems"

                You can't choose the definition you want to use…

                You are not solving problems but creating problems that don't exist…

                For example, you can use your emotional intelligence to let them know that you prefer not to talk about your personal life.

                My guess is that you are not appropriately reading people's intentions or emotions since you are feeling attacked when there is no evidence of attack.

                • Scrooge McDeal on 07/02/2024 - 20:01
                  -2

                  @this is us:

                  For example, you can use your emotional intelligence to let them know that you prefer not to talk about your personal life.

                  Have you ever worked in a customer service role? And then customer goes and complains that I have been rude and not friendly.

                  My guess is that you are not appropriately reading people's intentions or emotions since you are feeling attacked when there is no evidence of attack.

                  You think? Well, why would ask me as a first question where I am from? With a look like (what are you doing in my country, taking our jobs). Then ask that question after an initial interaction and after the context allows it. I don't think it's that important to know where are from before saying hello or before we have some kind of interaction.
                  There are a lot of people that are racist, but they just don't want to admit it.

                  • dmac on 08/02/2024 - 07:32

                    @Scrooge McDeal: It sounds like you have a racist idea of Australians and have assumed negative motivations. Has anyone said or acted racist when you've answered the question? Has anyone shown positivity towards the conversation? Could people be asking for other reasons than to attack you?

                  • Sxio on 08/02/2024 - 08:53

                    @Scrooge McDeal: I feel like you're talking to some people here that you'd change seats on the bus to get away from. Pretty hard to illuminate people who says things like 'toughen up princess'.

                    • CurlCurl on 08/02/2024 - 15:36
                      -1

                      @Sxio:

                      Pretty hard to illuminate people who says things like 'toughen up princess'.

                      Maybe you should take my advice.

                      BTW Princess, I don't illuminating.

                      You also don't know my background.

                      • Autonomic on 09/02/2024 - 02:33
                        -1

                        @CurlCurl: You talk like you're in grade school

                        • CurlCurl on 09/02/2024 - 13:06
                          +1

                          @Autonomic:

                          I write like that so people like you can understand.

                        • infinite on 09/02/2024 - 18:16

                          @Autonomic: At least he knows you use a capital "A" when you write the word "Asian", unlike yourself !

      • StingyBritches on 08/02/2024 - 15:06

        “ Everytime someone asks that question a seed it's been planted in my head that the questions are racial motivated.”

        No. Just, no.

        You are getting upset over small talk and assuming everyone who asks the question is racist.

        • Grunntt on 08/02/2024 - 15:28

          You are getting upset over small talk and assuming everyone who asks the question is racist.

          Apparently they can tell exactly which racist thought is behind a facial expression too.

          With a look like (what are you doing in my country, taking our jobs).

    • bargaino on 07/02/2024 - 16:31
      +1

      Reminds me of a recent holiday overseas. People from all over eating together. Standard opening question is "where are you from?" Germany, Korea, Chile, …
      Goes well until one guy meekly answers "Russia". Table goes silent until someone else changes the subject.

      • Ghost47 on 07/02/2024 - 16:37

        Sadly I can imagine people judging him because of the war going on, which is ironic because if he supported the war he probably wouldn't be on holiday.

        • bargaino on 07/02/2024 - 16:40
          +1

          It was more just awkward. I doubt anyone wanted to grill him on his views, or extract an apology.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join