Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso. Tips and Advice?

wittyusername on 01/08/2023 - 10:35
Last edited 17/08/2023 - 08:51 by 1 other user

Partner and I have an unplanned pregnancy that we've decided to keep. Mid 30s, 2 bedroom apartment fully offset in Melbourne.

We're pretty new to the city and I don't have many (any) friends or family. Financially pretty stable, although maybe we need a bigger place now?

Never had much exposure to kids, so hoping there is some sage wisdom here on major pitfalls to avoid (prison etc) and also little things that you found helpful when having a new born. Thinking of buying a small bar-freezer for meal prep as my partner works pretty hardcore hours.

Tips, tricks, advice and mood-lighteners all appreciated.

Thanks

Toys & Kids Pregnancy

Comments

    • wittyusername on 02/08/2023 - 09:37
      +1

      Cheers, not sure why you're downvoted so much (aside from this "i.e. your life will effectively be over when you have the kid" which I think is pretty true) but definitely agree that we need to have a sit down and work out our financials.

      • trapper on 02/08/2023 - 11:38
        +3

        He is downvoted for suggesting the life of your child is just a 'decision' to be weighed up without emotion. Revolting.

        Congratulations on the pregnancy. In the years to come you will look back on the day your baby is born as the best day of your life.

        • Ghost47 on 02/08/2023 - 13:17

          How is it revolting? Do you think major decisions like having a kid should be made on emotion?

          Good of you to have ignored everything else I said and picked out that one line from my comment. If you don’t think it’s smart to get your finances in order before having a kid you’re nuts, it’s prudent to do whatever you can to shore up your finances before having a child because why would you want to stress about more things when you have a kid to look after?

          On top of what I've suggested, since the pregnancy was unplanned, OP and his partner will need to check what they've been doing the past few weeks/months and make sure she hasn't done anything unintentionally that could've harmed the foetus (like drinking or being in the same vicinity as smokers etc). I'm not saying this will happen to OP, but unintended or mistimed pregnancies can have negative outcomes and OP needs to be aware of them at the very least.

          • Blitzfx on 02/08/2023 - 16:27
            +2

            @Ghost47: It's fine. Lots children with garbage and irresponsible parents can turn out to be amazing people later in life. They'll just become a heavier burden on society to bring them back in line with what is right / wrong etc.

            If you're already looking this far ahead for your kid and accidentally had one the next day, your kid will most likely turn out good because of the thoughtful attitude you're already carrying. You don't need all your ducks in a row and aim for the top 10% of this imaginary curve I'm making up.

            If you want to look at it another way, we need someone to sit at the bottom 10% for everyone else to leverage off, so they're just as important.

      • Ghost47 on 02/08/2023 - 13:44

        I must've hit a nerve and my words were twisted to a degree, not surprised.

        Good luck with the baby, it sounds like you're in a good position since your apartment is fully offset already.

    • trapper on 02/08/2023 - 11:32
      +4

      your life will effectively be over when you have the kid …

      lol, what? The first year or so can be tough, I'll give you that, but having children is the best experience most people will ever have.

  • Stopback on 01/08/2023 - 16:11
    +1

    master yourself and you can master a kid, also snip it

    • capslock janitor on 02/08/2023 - 11:04

      why snip

      • NinjaGamer on 04/08/2023 - 23:05
        -1

        yes, why would someone do that to themselves.

    • trapper on 02/08/2023 - 12:02
      +3

      They are already mid 30's, if anything they should start working on baby number two in year or so.

    • NinjaGamer on 04/08/2023 - 23:05

      th?

  • CheapskateJake on 02/08/2023 - 02:49
    +3

    Congrats!! You will definitely need a car seat, and if you have two cars I recommend getting two car seats. So you don’t have to faff around with who takes which car.

    Try and buy as little as possible in terms of toys etc. instead, try and find a local toy library. We have a really good one near us, and it has been great rotating through things so they’re always age appropriate.

    Also, skip the bassinet and crib and just co-sleep still your kid can go into a single mattress imho. Put the mattress on the floor if you’re scared of them falling off.

    Also, look into cloth nappies for your kid when they’re a bit older. It was a learning curve for me, and I was a bit hesitant at first, but am a full convert now. You will go through so many nappies each day and they are just so bad for the environment. Plus expensive…

    Good luck! There will be times you will really be tested, but hopefully you will see it as a blessing.

    • wittyusername on 02/08/2023 - 09:05

      Thanks mate, I'm sure it's how long is a piece of string but what age would you start to think about getting them onto a single mattress?

      • Showmethebargains on 02/08/2023 - 09:47
        +2

        We knew it as time to move them into proper beds when they started to show signs of being able to climb out of their cot. Around 18 months to 2 years old.

        • trapper on 02/08/2023 - 12:03
          +2

          You can just take the side off the cot and use it as a mini single bed also.

          • WhyAmICommenting on 04/08/2023 - 10:56

            @trapper: A bit high usually so you’d want something on the floor. Ours occasionally rolled out of bed… for years.

  • InsertCrow on 02/08/2023 - 06:46
    +5

    I'm not sure if it is the same for Melbourne, but in Adelaide my partner had the opportunity to join a "Mothers Group" where new mothers close to your area are invited to come and meet, gain information and tips etc.
    We found this extremely useful, not only that you've got children growing up the same age. 5 years down the track we still go on regular camping trips with these families, they come and we go to birthdays and all that too.
    We met a great bunch of people and I'm glad she went. If you have the opportunity I would absolutely recommend it.

    Good luck OP!

    • hdog on 07/08/2023 - 18:59
      +1

      Seconding this and confirming it is a thing in Victoria too. Hospital discharge refers baby into regular visits with Maternal Child Health service. MCH facilitates the ‘New Parent Group’. Valuable even if you find just one parent/kid pair that fits your vibe.

  • Redflanders on 02/08/2023 - 07:29
    +2

    The most important piece of advice I was given is babies will adapt to your lifestyle, you don't need to completely change yours. They'll learn to sleep in prams out and about.

    Freezer is a great idea, food was the best gift we received, meals and uber eats vouchers are so helpful in the first few weeks.

    Also when bub finally comes home don't feel bad about saying you're not ready for visitors at home. Get yourselves settled before you think about entertaining visitors.

    Congratulations!

  • boirganz on 02/08/2023 - 07:41
    +13

    Post natal depression is real, a LOT more common than you’d think, and can affect both of you.

    Find what support you can, and just be aware of possible signs.

    Everything will likely be fine - but it’s not always. And that’s ok.

  • hopper on 02/08/2023 - 07:44
    +1

    Don’t take me wrong, make sure u take all the tests needed to check child is healthy, my only kid was diagnosed with autism within 19 months in 2017, i heard there are now tests to identify them. So plz take all the tests. Gd luck.

    • idonotknowwhy on 02/08/2023 - 12:15
      +2

      i heard there are now tests to identify them

      There are no tests for autism for an infant or fetus. Maybe you're thinking of Down syndrome.

      • hopper on 04/08/2023 - 22:11

        prenatal genetic testing (PGT) for Autism Spectrum Disorders

  • Hangryuman on 02/08/2023 - 07:56
    +2

    'Thinking of buying a small bar-freezer for meal prep as my partner works pretty hardcore hours'

    I'm an old guy who never had kids (that anyone told me about) - but one observation is that assumptions that a baby will make a nice addition to your existing lifestyle tend to be out the window when the actual baby arrives

    and suddenly your entire life changes everything - no sleep, no rest, 24x7 sleepless nights changing nappies, the mother decides she can't bear to leave the precious baby with anyone else so forgets the idea of returning to work, and now the father feels under the pump to be working three times as hard doing lots of overtime to pay the bills to feed and house 3 people whereas before it was easy yuppie 2 incomes for 2 people.

    Down the track husband comes home from work tired from overtime, gets roused on by an unhappy stressed mother (who's been dealing with a crying baby all day) for failing to buy nappies on the way home, and feels unloved - arguments ensue and both feel lonely and unhappy and risk permanent separation.

    So I'd be seeking family support - any grandparents can come and stay for first few months during the initial whirlwind of OMG everything upside down ?

  • Gandalf the Grey on 02/08/2023 - 08:04
    +5

    Life will change, but humans can adapt!
    Support the child, but also your partner, you both are part of a team.
    Be a little selfish with your partner, have the odd date nights even if that means spending the evening together at home (cook a meal together, play a board game, watch a movie, have sex) while your child sleeps.
    Mental wellness is important, have hobbies.
    No one can ever be ready for a baby, you do what you can with the situation and what you resources you have access to, you seem far more well off than my wife and I with our planned child!
    Buy secondhand, everything is disposable and reusable. It really baffles me how much people spend on baby goods for it to last a few months or a couple of years.
    Make the most of the mothers(parent) group, some can be very supporting and you may find that group grows once in Kinder and School.
    Also never hurts to have the child going into childcare at an early age, I see kids not going into childcare until they are 1 or 2 and they struggle with separation. But don't throw them in 5 days a week, you are a parent, be there for your family, love your family and spend time with your family.
    Family is a much higher priority than work or money for us.

    • JRonski on 02/08/2023 - 09:01
      +1

      Very wise reply!

  • Piratarzt on 02/08/2023 - 08:38
    +3

    Discuss a form of contraception you and your partner agree to use moving forward, unless you want more "Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso“ events.

  • JRonski on 02/08/2023 - 08:57
    +3

    Congratulations! Join relevant FB page for local parents. Go to parents coffee meetings and observe. You can get a lot of cheap Baby goods from community pages. Get one of those baby chairs they lie in and observe everything, saves endlessly carrying them around. Love and patience and you can do it! They grow fast. Blink and they are a moody teenager. You have a short window to make an impact which defines what kind of person they are. Be strict but fair.

  • lechuck123 on 02/08/2023 - 09:07
    +4

    I highly recommend signing up to the Dad SMS line. They send you occasional messages about baby as the pregnancy is progressing (you'll probably get a flyer when you visit the hospital for the checkup, but the link is here https://www.sms4dads.com.au/)

    If you're like most men (myself included) it will feel very not real until about the last month of pregnancy when suddenly it hits and you realise you know nothing about babies and most likely there will be a bit of stress. It's all very normal, plus the sms give you facts about the size and stage of the baby, you can win brownie points with the missus by sounding like you've been doing research :)

  • jrvb42 on 02/08/2023 - 09:27
    +3

    Two points:
    1. Don't tell the kid it was unplanned (a mistake). Ever.
    2. Show more responsibility in your parenting decisions than in your copulation decisions. Always.

    • trapper on 02/08/2023 - 12:05
      +1

      Unplanned isn't the same as a mistake - a surprise!

  • nimnomnimy on 02/08/2023 - 09:36
    +5

    my lessons learned:

    don’t overspend on newborn stuff like prams, accessories, cots, pure baby clothes… just get cheapie stuff, they will churn thru that stuff super fast.

    start routines early, especially around meals and bedtime.

    if people are willing to help you, take them up on it and try to get some time to yourselves as a couple

  • PopCounty on 02/08/2023 - 10:01
    +1

    Start looking for nappy deals on Amazon. It’s a must.
    Welcome to the club 🤪

    • CyberMurning on 02/08/2023 - 11:01
      +1

      or the other way around, stock up the nappies first then say look we have these already so better start making babies to use them

      • PopCounty on 02/08/2023 - 11:10

        You are damn right. This is OzB and deals are a must here 🤩

        • CyberMurning on 02/08/2023 - 11:21

          some deals gone in a flash, you most likely miss out if reversing the process (making babies then check ozb)

  • MessyG on 02/08/2023 - 11:07
    +3

    Some essentials:
    Baby on Board: Understand Your Baby's Needs in the First 12 months - by Dr Howard Chilton (he's a paediatric neurologist and his books are excellent.

    Put this article in your back pocket, you will need it in the first six weeks. Wont make much sense now but have it ready. Same author.
    https://www.babydoc.com.au/faq/colic-bore-your-baby-to-sleep

    Find a local Dads group on Facebook or at your local community house. Being a father in the 21st century is exceptionally confusing as traditional gender roles just don't work when both parents work.

    You both need to discuss how you're going to manage your sleep as much as possible. The sleep deprivation can be relationship ending. If she's up breastfeeding all night, she needs naps during the day which means taking the baby out. Making a human then making the food for a human is an exhaustion like no other, if you can get extra family and friends to make food or police everyones sleep needs then do it. No one has a magical ability to turn off their sleep deprivation. You will feel quite useless at times but you need to know that you're not. You can change nappies, you can cook food, you can clean, you can organise all of the above, you can anticipate what needs to be done without having to be told, you can wash the baby - there is so so much you can do. Also get a cleaner now, before the baby is born. And if people tell you "oh what a great Dad you are for helping out or 'babysitting', remind them that you are doing neither, you are parenting.

    Good luck OP, and congratulations!

  • IMadeYouReadThis on 02/08/2023 - 11:21
    +1

    Prepare yourself mentally for this as it is a complete different world compared to what you have seen so far. All the best..

  • pformag on 02/08/2023 - 11:22
    +2

    1st 6 months will be a whirlwind. Take it easy and try and get a routine happening, so you have a plan for the day. Don't be scared to ask for help. Facebook marketplace is great for baby items.

  • LetsDabSydney on 02/08/2023 - 11:22
    +2

    Don’t buy too many boxes of Newborn nappies, they grow so fast 😌
    Oh yeah, get ready for pooh explosions 🤭

  • leiiv on 02/08/2023 - 11:26

    Knocked up The Misso.

    What does it even mean? Is this Australian only slang or it is general English slang? Would all native speakers understand the meaning from just that sentence alone?

    • franco cozzo on 02/08/2023 - 11:31
      +3

      missus used to be the standard aussie vernacular….i guess misso is the evolution of that. sounds kinda shit though….
      like saying parmo instead of parma….

    • capslock janitor on 02/08/2023 - 12:01
      +2

      knocked up is general english slang

    • IM-Cheap on 02/08/2023 - 21:53

      Yes

    • PleasureMe on 04/08/2023 - 15:08

      yes. Australian born Aussies will all understand this.

  • Speckled Jim on 02/08/2023 - 11:50

    Moment of the reveal

    I'd make like Damone.

  • agooddeal on 02/08/2023 - 11:56
    +1

    Congrats! Back in my time (2015), ultrasounds were quite costly. We once paid 200 bucks or so out of pocket at a private medical imaging facility. Later we found that it was possible to get the service done and bulk-billed at any public health service. I went with Monash Moorabbin's Medical Imaging after calling 3-4 other places as their availability suited us. To us, the service was just as good as the expensive private facility.

  • idonotknowwhy on 02/08/2023 - 12:18

    fully offset

    Go private for the OB / birth.

  • hopper on 02/08/2023 - 12:43
    -4

    RUN

  • Ughhh on 02/08/2023 - 12:57
    +2

    Babycentre app is also quite handy.

  • Cappa87 on 02/08/2023 - 13:56
    +2

    No advice, but congratulations OP !

  • Spic3y on 02/08/2023 - 14:00
    +10

    It doesn't feel like it at first, but they do grow up fast so enjoy the 'good' moments and keep reminding yourself the bad moments won't hang around forever.

    If they are crying it's for a reason. They are either hungry, cold, tired or something is up (growing pains, wind etc)

    You might think wearing them out makes them go to sleep easier. It doesn't. It makes it so much worse!

    You don't need to teach them much, they are like little sponges and learn by osmosis. Lead by example. Monkey see, monkey do etc.

    Routine can be handy but don't be too anal about it. Breaking routine can be healthy too.

    Use second hand clothes. They don't care what they look like till they're older and they grow so fast when small that you would be forever buying new stuff.

    If you were happy with the way you were brought up, do similar things. If you weren't happy with how you were bought up, do things differently.

    It's not rocket science, lots of people have kids. Do what feels right and (try to) enjoy the ride!

  • picket23 on 02/08/2023 - 15:08
    +1

    Try not to worry too much, follow advice from nurses/midwives/wise older mothers and grandma's and just try to enjoy every moment you can between the sleepless nights, hormones and other obstacles.

    Kids are so much tougher than most of us realise, you just need to travel through 3rd world countries to see what little humans are actually capable of overcoming. Take advantage of the fact that you are in Australia and there's little enough to worry about that you can actually focus on enjoying your new bundle of joy.

    Easier said than done for a first time parent, but worth trying to remember!

  • Cunning Linguist on 02/08/2023 - 15:32
    +9

    Congratulations!

    A few tips I wish I knew…

    1. Don't overheat the baby - it sounds stupid but for some reason a lot of people have an instinct when it comes to babies (especially in winter) to turn the heater up, swaddle them and then layer on a beanie and blankets, then wonder why they don't sleep and cry all night when they are over heated. Lots of temperature guides for clothing and sleeping - follow them.

    2. Bonds wondersuit are the best

    3. If you don't have AC you might want to think about installing it, at least for the baby's room. Gro-egg temperature monitor is highly recommended. We still have ours and don't need it anymore, happy to let you have it if you want to pay for postage just DM me.

    4. As a guide try to move the baby to their own room after 6 months

    5. As tempting as it is if you can resist and avoid co-sleeping - you, your wife and your child will be so much happier. If you surrender to co-sleeping just keep in mind it's a habit that has a good chance of continuing on until they over 6+. This becomes an even bigger problem if you have a second child and then need to juggle co-sleeping habits with the first one.

    6. If you are in WA, I can't speak highly enough about Ngala, truly an amazing resource - I'm sure they are equivalents in other states. They helped us work through some sleeping issues with our bub when she was about 1.5 years and changed our lives with sleep training and helping breaking some bad dependency sleeping habits. Went from up all night to sleeping through every night and now our daughter is 6 and still has really good sleeping habits: sleeps on her own and doesn't wake up/get out of bed before 7:30am.

    7. On above invest in a Gro-clock as well - though you won't need this for a couple of more years

    8. With everything from sleep to development to potty training if something seems like a problem seek help and ask questions early. Had too many friends who just went with "oh they are only this age once we'll be fine" only to have small issues develop into big problems that could have been nipped in the bud earlier on.

    9. Your relationship will be tested. There are some really good books available but basically yes both you and your partner are going to get angry at each other, but if you both understand the psychology behind it, it becomes so much easier to deal with. A gold nugget from a talk we listened too was understanding the difference in emotive states: Hubby typically coming home from work with mind in full logic/work mode suddenly with mum who has been at home all day in caretaker/emotional mode can cause a lot of sparks. But both of you understanding the physiology of this and working together to meet in the middle will work wonders.

    10. Edit - one more… a lot of parents fall into a trap of "no one can help because no one understands my baby like I do" or "this problem is unique to us and my bub - no one can help". It definitely isn't - it took us so long to seek help from Ngala and when we did our only regret was that we didn't go them months earlier. Everyone we have referred to Ngala did the same thing - procrastinated then immensely regretted not asking for help earlier.

    That's all I got - good luck!

    • PleasureMe on 04/08/2023 - 15:07
      +1

      Solid advice. Every point is spot on.

  • Zapwap on 02/08/2023 - 17:01
    -2

    Throw a baby shower party and get all the things needed in presents. My sis in law did the same, got almost 70% of things she needed in gifts.

  • skanr on 02/08/2023 - 17:21
    +1

    Don't buy too many clothes, not only bubs will grow very fast, you'll also find that people will give you alot clothes. (I have 8 garbage bags full of my son's clothes from newborn to size 2 and I am in Melbourne if you want some)

    Get bubs across formula to supplement breast milk so even if expressing isn't an issue you can use formula to give muma a break during the nights so she can get a good block of sleep in.

    As much as people will say don't stress, you will it's just what happens with the first. Don't forgot to enjoy your family and take many happy snaps.

    • Yola on 02/08/2023 - 17:28

      My experience was that once I returned to paid work when my son was 10 and a half months and he started having formula during the day he no longer wanted the breast. I believe it is easier for them to drink from the bottle.

  • Faithgrrl on 02/08/2023 - 17:40
    +10

    Be SUPER grateful. Each IVF cycle is about $10k out of pocket and you did the ozbargain way. Well done! You might have just saved yourself $50k.

  • 2esc on 02/08/2023 - 20:08
    +2

    Dont buy the pram without your partner!

    Go to a store and both of you need to unfold and fold prams some are a pain to fold some exceptionally easy.

    The simpler the better its also got to fit in you car.

    More expensive isn't always better!

  • Jugganautx on 02/08/2023 - 20:14
    +1

    Get a vasectomy

  • Lord Fart Bucket on 02/08/2023 - 22:06

    Invest in a vasectomy. Saves money in the long run.

  • Aerith-Waifu on 03/08/2023 - 00:02
    +1

    Start to prepare for lots, I mean lots of sleepless nights……I hardly sleep when I had my new born….but loved every single min and in 3 days she will be 10!

    The fastest 10 years I ever experienced!

  • kaleidoscope on 03/08/2023 - 00:12

    Here I am thinking OP spilled a miso soup…

    Congratz, be grateful and supportive to your misso. I dont think you will need to change apartments if you dont have family / friends here. Read up a bit about some pregancy and beyond books when you have some time. Enjoy!

  • Mordaunt on 03/08/2023 - 09:11
    +3

    Work on your mental health and resilience. When you haven't slept for 4 months, stub your toe and the baby starts screaming, you will want to shake the baby. Do not shake the baby.

  • GabrielB on 03/08/2023 - 09:11
    +2

    Third trimester - many women have a hard time during this period. It can be very uncomfortable and this increases until birth. A baby going 1-2 weeks beyond the due date is pretty common but it takes a bit of a mental toll on you both. Usually follows what happened with her/her siblings births(maternal line).

    Birth - we had a birthing plan… nothing went to according to it. Your job is to advocate and support your partner as priority (if things are stressful and not going to plan, you can't fall apart). Some births go very well, others do not and can be traumatic. Seek mental health support after if necessary, the midwives and then maternal and child health nurses are a good starting point for this. No choice of birthing method (private, public, vaginal, caesar) is the wrong one and don't let anyone tell you otherwise (especially those who haven't done it). Look into post-birth physio.

    Cluster feeding - baby feeds constantly until the milk comes in. Could start right out of the gate (our 2nd) or around day/night 3 (our first). Ask your midwives about it. You won't sleep those nights and you'll be worried it's your new life, but it won't be… just a very brief phase. Your partner will be just as hungry with breast feeding as with third trimester, maybe more so. Totally normal.

    Sleep regressions - happen from about 4 months onwards. They can be gruelling - share the load on trying to get baby down to sleep. Good to have another place to sleep within the house so someone is alert the next day. Each one will feel like eternity but they will end. Not all babies have them or only have some of the typical ones.

    Dummies - some babies don't want them, neither of ours did. Was a blessing in hindsight.

    Witching hour - babies just don't like to sleep much between around 5-9pm. Just got to deal with it. Do meal prepping, make use of freezer (frozen pasta sauces, curries etc)

    If it gets too much (baby crying, can't get it to stop), swap with your partner for 5 mins and walk away. A crying baby for a few minutes is ok…consequences of frustration are not.

    How you parent is nobody else's business and criticism by others masked as 'advice' is common. Your new family comes before the comfort of and peace with anyone else (within reason..). Don't overwhelm yourselves (and particularly your wife) with visitors in the first month. Read the lemon clot essay (Google it, it's scary but important.

    Your life doesn't have to end, the first 6 months are trickiest in this regard though. Baby will be attached to mum and schedules take time to form. Have people around for morning tea or afternoon tea. Or get food delivered when people come around. Don't create more work for yourselves when having guests. Don't have guests that are a burden.

    Be kind to each other and yourselves. Little mistakes will happen, brush them off and move forward having learnt.

    There's probably conflicting advice throughout this thread, that's a good thing, everyone has different experiences and methods. You will too.

    I knew nothing going in, never had much experience with kids. My eldest is 2.5 so still only just beginning but it's a whole new world and the best thing I've ever done. I had one nearly 3 months ago, they change and develop every week or two seemingly for the first few years. Enjoy each phase - there's a reason people say things like '10 months' or '14 months' rather than just calling their baby 1 year old.

    For all the stress, risk and life change…at some point, your toddler will waddle up to you, hug you, and say 'love daddy' and you'll realise you've never been happier.

  • dlakers3peat on 03/08/2023 - 14:08
    +1

    Misso? How is Misso short for Mrs?

    • PleasureMe on 04/08/2023 - 15:04

      Do not try to understand Australian logic. I t doesn't make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to us.

  • Wasabi Ninja on 03/08/2023 - 15:06
    +1

    I’ve heard a lot of new parents complain about the lack of “me” time. I had kids later in life and never experienced that. I was happy to give all my time to the family. Made that my happy place and priority. Once they were teens and doing more of their own thing my hobbies came back to life. Time and season for everything. Good luck on your next chapter.

  • stuffandthat on 03/08/2023 - 15:13
    +2

    As someone that's fairly newish to being a dad the best advice I can give is this:

    If someone gifts/suggests/buys Save Our Sleep for you to read, don't. Throw it in the fire immediately. Nothing goes to plan when you have a new-born! They don't always sleep when you want them to, or wake up when you want them to etc. The best thing we did was to have our baby in his own room from the day we brought him home from the hospital. We got a good monitor and kept an eye on him, and within 3 months he was sleeping through the night. I can count on one hand the amount bad nights we've had in 16 months.
    Don't change what you do at home, either. If you're noisy then remain noisy. Bubs will adapt and will sleep through anything.

    If your baby is formula and bottle fed then spend the $400 and buy the this formula machine. At 3am all you need to do is turn it on, wait for it to warm up, press the go button and your bottle is made. No need to measure out formula etc when you're half asleep. This was the biggest life saver for us. And when nanny was looking after him it made it so much easier for her to make bottles too. Now that we don't use it the wife won't let me use it for Nesquick :(

    The only other thing I can think of is to enjoy every second of it. It goes way too quick. One second they're wrapped and in your arms and tiny, the next they're crawling everywhere, destroying your house, and annoying your dog that just wants to sleep!

    • MessyG on 03/08/2023 - 16:57
      +1

      Hard agree on Save Our Sleep. Throw it away as soon as the giver is out of sight.

  • Excelsior on 03/08/2023 - 15:23
    +2

    A lot of good advice on here. Here's what I learned as a fellow first time dad (although mine was planned haha):

    • Completely anecdotal of course, but watch out for overbearing parents/in laws especially if it's their first grandchild. Can't blame them for being excited to welcome a newborn, but more often than not they'll unknowingly try to tell you how to raise your child, or come over unannounced/take the baby away so they can spend quality time with them. If this happens you and your partner need to sit down and talk about it to set clear boundaries.

    • Read up on baby wake windows as soon as you can. This is a game changer when you understand the science behind it. It helps you plan your daily routine/schedule to make sure your baby gets enough naps/sleep. Overtired baby = fussy, unsettled/unhappy baby = everyone gets stressed out.

    • Try to avoid co-sleeping as much as you can. If required, start sleep training when your baby is around 5-6 months old (speak to your paed/council midwife if you need guidance). This is supposed to help them learn to fall asleep on their own and eliminate dependency issues. Once your baby is successfully sleep trained, you can just put them to bed each night as part of your daily routine, and you and your partner can have the rest of the night to yourselves.

    • You and your partner will get frustrated. A lot. And that's natural. But it's crucial that both of you aren't stressed and frustrated at the same time. At least one person has to have a clear, calm mind to help diffuse tension and anger. It's very easy to get frustrated at your baby even though they're not doing anything wrong. Tell her/yourself to step out of the room and take a breather when it all gets a bit too much.

    • More of a follow-on point on the above, make sure you are doing as much as you can to support your partner. It's definitely true that raising a child is a full time job and a half. On top of helping out with everyday chores etc, let your partner take a breather whenever you can and take the baby off her hands - have 1 on 1 play time with the baby, feed/bathe them etc. The other big plus of this is that it also strengthens your bond with your baby and they won't just see mum as the sole caregiver.

    • Cherish your child's early years as much as you can - they do grow up in a blink of an eye. Witnessing your baby's first milestones (sitting up, growing first set of teeth, babbling their first words etc) firsthand is truly something you won't ever forget.

    All the best! You'll be alright - just take it as it comes and enjoy fatherhood.

  • RiseAndRuin on 03/08/2023 - 17:51

    Fake your death while you still can…

  • TightLikeThisx on 03/08/2023 - 20:48
    +2

    Make sure your child feels loved.

  • Diji on 03/08/2023 - 22:04
    +1

    Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso.

    Lmao, was that also your reaction when she told you?

  • ddilrat on 03/08/2023 - 23:18
    +1

    Go private and look for recommendations from any colleagues or friends ( if you find some?).

    People will say public is "all you need" or "just as good" but you really don't get the same personalised level of care or help with everything if you go public. you also have less options and get punted from the hospital as quick as they can.

    It seems like a lot of money but really I think it's a small price to pay to bring a new life safely into the world. In your mid 30s it should be easily affordable too.

    My best piece of advice is don't buy too much shit too early. You really don't need anything more than a bassinet/cott and a change mat for a long time.

    Best cheap baby clothes we found were target. Kmart stuff rubbish (even though same company??).

    Sleep training is hard. Especially with a baby at day care. We had a really good sleeper until the sickness every second week started after day care and it all went to shit. Can't really sleep train when they are having fevers and gastro etc etc. We now have a king bed.

    • May4th on 04/08/2023 - 10:37

      if you are in a position financially it's very much worth it for the money you spend. you are looking at 12 months of high premiums maybe 4-5k over what you'd pay for basic hospital cover per year, and then about 3-4k for the obstetrician themselves for management fee, depending on their fee structure.

      considering what people pay for an european holiday the time and stress it saves you during pregnancy and delivery and the more personalised care you get can make a stressful time much more manageable

      you will still get safe and up to standard care in public but you are paying for convenience reassurance and access.

  • Tiredman on 04/08/2023 - 06:37
    +1

    Nice! As a father of three, we moved from an apartment to a house in the suburbs. Best decision ever to have a nice secure backyard for them to run in and explore while we do our work at home.

  • MrFrugalSpend on 04/08/2023 - 07:19
    +2

    "… as my partner works pretty hardcore hours"

    … not anymore OP

    Prepare for a big shake up in the income department.
    Your child is more important than maintaining hardcore hours for a bit extra dough.

    They are only young once, its precious and fleeting, slow down and enjoy it by being there for them.

  • aelix on 04/08/2023 - 08:37
    +3

    This is kind of a longer-term bit of parenting advice, from someone whose kids are 8, 10 and 12 right now.

    Understand that your child is (even at a young age) an individual whose personality and behaviour you have much less control over than you might think. As parents if you (a) create a safe and loving environment for them to grow up in and (b) model the behaviours and outlook on life that you think are 'good', then you are doing everything you need to. There is no magic parenting technique or approach or book or set of rules that will make your child turn out a certain way.

    Also bonus advice: kids go through a lot of 'phases' as they grow up - not just for the first few years, but all the way to adulthood. Try to remember that and not overrreact when your kid is in a difficult 'phase', because they will change. And don't be smug when your kid is a perfect angel, because they will change.

  • rando88 on 04/08/2023 - 08:50
    +1

    Embrace the journey knowing your life is going to have more responsibility and fulfillment.

    You are in a good position already but it doesn't hurt to start saving more than normal, reconsider the purchases you don't really need but don't hesitate to spend on things you think will help this process. Higher quality food was a big one for us.

  • Brianqpr on 04/08/2023 - 09:42
    +1

    Get used to being really tired, and busy. Very much learn as you go. If you have a second it seems a whole lot easier.

    Most of all savour the time and be there as much as you can. Its hard work and pretty stressful at times, but when kids are young it should be a magical time for you and them. Trust me, when they turn into sometimes grumpy, increasingly private teenagers you will miss the days when they hung on your every word and were excited about wherever you wanted to take them. And it will happen more quickly than you expect it to.

  • lainey13 on 04/08/2023 - 10:04
    +1

    Sort out your parental leave. Work out how much the government will give you, how much your get from your work places and plan out who takes what when. Take all the leave you can get. Majority of men often don't take their full entitlement. Please do, that time is invaluable. Get all the purchased leave you can, use up long service leave etc. Try to minimise the amount of unpaid leave required.

    Don't wrap the baby up too much. We have an ezcema baby and heat was the worse trigger. No bundling up like the michelin man. Just sensible amount of layers, babies overheat easily.

  • teaBagger on 04/08/2023 - 10:45
    -3

    I am not trying to spoil your day but if you are posting the question on OzBargain then maybe parenting is not for you…?

    • wittyusername on 04/08/2023 - 14:25
      +4

      From the quality of many of the answers I'm quite glad I asked here.

      • teaBagger on 04/08/2023 - 19:01
        -1

        relationships via committee is not a good thing mate

  • spixder on 04/08/2023 - 12:01

    Oh boy, ur in for some fun haha. End of day when it gets rough, take a deep breath and relax.

  • Munki on 04/08/2023 - 12:15
    +1

    My condolences, OP.

    Having children is serious business. You better be prepared for them to be the centre of your universe.

    The only real useful advice I can give you is: try to give each other time off from the baby. While yes, they're absolutely adorable and all that, they can be very energy consuming. Understand your wife will probably be the one who takes care of it most of the time, so learn to step in and allow her to rest and get some alone time. She will thank you for it and you'll get so many brownie points. Trust me. It'll be better for your relationship too.

    • [Deactivated] on 04/08/2023 - 12:25

      Understand your wife will probably be the one who takes care of it most of the time,

      Your phone is ringing ….. the 1800s are calling !

      • Munki on 04/08/2023 - 12:27
        +1

        I mean, the norm is still that the mother will be with the child more - especially if breastfeeding. Nothing to do with your newage outlook in parenting.

        Trust me, I've tried breastfeeding my children too.

        • [Deactivated] on 04/08/2023 - 12:37

          No phone for you in 'The Dark Ages'

      • ddilrat on 06/08/2023 - 16:50

        Not really a fair comment. It's difficult for the dad to bond at the same level even with 50% or more time commited to the baby. Baby will naturally want mum a lot of the time making it difficult to truly help times. Biology is real.

        Not a reason to stop trying, still do as much as you can. Just be prepared for disappointment at times. It can be quite upsetting.

  • Yamete Kudasai on 04/08/2023 - 13:52
    +1

    hold your horse until you pass first trimester .

  • PleasureMe on 04/08/2023 - 15:02
    -3

    Abort.. Abort

  • Empharand on 04/08/2023 - 15:08

    Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso. Tips and Advice?

    Have fun!

  • Littlevu on 04/08/2023 - 15:09
    +2

    For the first 6 month the baby will be in jumpsuits so spend money on something comfortable, warm and breathable.

    You’ll be waking up regularly to change nappy/diaper, feeding, soothing. Get a soft nightlight.

    I found Japanese Pampers the best. Thin comfortable and absorbent.

    It’s a big change to you and your missus lives. Be there for each other and be patient with each other. If you come home from work and see her tired, look after the baby for a couple of hours so she can have a long soak in the bath, read a book whatever. Then after that go do whatever chores are needed in the house. Even if you’re dog tired. Even if she doesn’t voice it, she will appreciate it 1 million per cent.

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