Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso. Tips and Advice?

wittyusername on 01/08/2023 - 10:35
Last edited 17/08/2023 - 08:51 by 1 other user

Partner and I have an unplanned pregnancy that we've decided to keep. Mid 30s, 2 bedroom apartment fully offset in Melbourne.

We're pretty new to the city and I don't have many (any) friends or family. Financially pretty stable, although maybe we need a bigger place now?

Never had much exposure to kids, so hoping there is some sage wisdom here on major pitfalls to avoid (prison etc) and also little things that you found helpful when having a new born. Thinking of buying a small bar-freezer for meal prep as my partner works pretty hardcore hours.

Tips, tricks, advice and mood-lighteners all appreciated.

Thanks

Toys & Kids Pregnancy

Comments

  • GG57 on 01/08/2023 - 10:40
    +102

    Take it seriously; you will have a human being to care for, and everything else comes second.
    I wouldn't rush into moving. You have two bedrooms which would be sufficient for a few years at least.

    You could start by pre-enrolling your child for schools and for MCG membership.

    • [Deactivated] on 01/08/2023 - 11:00
      +5

      You could start by pre-enrolling your child for schools and for MCG membership.

      Very true about schools, including child-care.

      Account is showing as domiciled in Perth so why is MCG membership required?

      • GG57 on 01/08/2023 - 11:18
        +14

        OP lives in Melbourne

          • GG57 on 01/08/2023 - 12:56
            +3

            @jv: How would the child be burdened with debt if they move?

          • Eeples on 01/08/2023 - 14:01
            +13

            @jv: And yet he keeps winning elections.

            Go figure.

              • Eeples on 02/08/2023 - 01:41
                -1

                @jv: It’s almost as if my world view is out of sync with everybody else.

                Weird.

                • Eeples on 04/08/2023 - 22:56

                  @Eeples: hehe (just so we know; I was taking the piss).

              • RSmith on 02/08/2023 - 06:22
                +1

                @jv: Democrazy.

              • graham johnson on 02/08/2023 - 08:34
                +3

                @jv: yeah but the dumbasses voted for teals and greens who's preferences went to labor…. Thats how they won. Never fill in ballots as the how to vote cards say to do it. Make your own decisions…

              • ihfree on 02/08/2023 - 09:00
                +13

                @jv: Well, always knew you were a Newscorp reader. Totally explains what you're parroting including attacking our system of democracy.

          • boirganz on 02/08/2023 - 07:43
            +14

            @jv: Way to derail a genuine question about parenthood with crazy political statements.

          • borrisz0r on 02/08/2023 - 09:04
            +13

            @jv: I just love how JV turns a post about a newborn into a soapbox opportunity about Dan Andrews.

            All compeltely linked and justified of course…

            • GG57 on 02/08/2023 - 09:14
              +3

              @borrisz0r: Except JV got it wrong

              …they move ASAP so the poor child is burdened to pay of the 100's of billions…

              That makes no sense. Not that it matters to the anti-Dan minority.

              • poppingtags on 02/08/2023 - 09:24
                +6

                @GG57: Anti Dan Minority: "WE'RE SO SILENT - AND WE'RE A MAJORITY"

                Wrong on both counts, clowns.

              • borrisz0r on 03/08/2023 - 07:41
                +1

                @GG57: Of course it doesn't, that was my point. most of the posts JV are sky news talking points with bolding added to random words.

                If so much effort was put into something of worth, just imagine…

          • smartazz104 on 03/08/2023 - 08:56

            @jv: Why haven't you moved yet jv?

    • tamckinnon on 01/08/2023 - 14:45
      +1

      Pre-enrollment is a good idea. With our local (preferred) center we were ~190th on a waiting list and we registered before our baby was born, was only accepted into a spot just after they turned 1.

    • Herbse on 02/08/2023 - 09:31
      +25

      Take it seriously

      How much more serious than asking ozbargain for parental advice does it get?

    • grasstown on 03/08/2023 - 11:34
      +3

      I’ll fix it for you

      “Take it seriously; you have a human being to care for,”

    • supersabroso on 03/08/2023 - 12:10
      -2

      That depends on OP, when we had our first child we lived in a small 3 bedroom house/granny flat and it was very stressful. I'd definitely recommend upgrading as you have no debt. The amount of stuff that you will need to buy and add due to just 1 kid is insane. Just make sure you buy in an area with average or above average schools, you don't want to be stuck in an area with one of the worst schools in all of Australia. It's an amazing experience but it's very costly and time consuming so please take it seriously!

  • sumyungguy on 01/08/2023 - 10:41
    +40

    Get a king size bed if you don't already have one.

    • knasty on 01/08/2023 - 10:52
      +18

      Super king if you can fit it. Some days my entire household of humans and pets ends up in bed and I'm relegated to another part of the house.

      • sumyungguy on 01/08/2023 - 10:57
        +5

        … but some super king caveats: may be harder to get into your dwelling and the sheet sets are less common.

        • capslock janitor on 02/08/2023 - 10:44
          +2

          or 2 queens<
          and slap a mattress toppper on ?

  • Trying2SaveABuck on 01/08/2023 - 10:44
    +35

    Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso. Tips and Advice?

    LMAO - just by reading this it sounds like your in for a 'hell of a live shake up'

    My advice is simple 2nd hand market for kids stuff is a God send - bad the car seat and the Pram almost everything my little ones got where hand-me-downs or 2nd hand

    • donga100 on 01/08/2023 - 14:34
      +14

      2nd hand market for kids stuff

      Good luck getting the Misso to agree to that!

      • tessel on 02/08/2023 - 16:15
        +14

        Then got wrong misso. Mine loves hunting second hand shops. She's often got brand new stuff, never used from Vinnie's etc for a few dollars that was $100 plus brand new. Want new stuff? Taobao.

    • boirganz on 02/08/2023 - 07:36
      +20

      This. New car seat - get the absolute best you can afford (second hand only if you know the people who used it and it’s less than it’s 7 year life).

      Disagree with pram though - you get absolute bargains second hand. Try out heaps of models and go for the one you like the best.

      DO PRENATAL CLASSES

      Don’t pay for a private obstetrician - especially if the pregnancy or bubs is “high risk”. Midwife delivery in the hospital is the evidence-based lowest risk, best outcome baby and mum.

      Take as much time off work as you can afford as dad and especially as mum. If you can afford it, (hahahahaha mortgage :( ) someone should stay home as a primary carer for 3 years.

      • MrFrugalSpend on 03/08/2023 - 21:56
        +3

        "Don’t pay for a private obstetrician - especially if the pregnancy or bubs is “high risk”. Midwife delivery in the hospital is the evidence-based lowest risk, best outcome baby and mum."

        Whilst the first part of the statement may be a good one in a normal scenario, it turned to potentially bad advice when you said "especially if the pregnancy or bubs is “high risk”.

        There's a lot more to a high risk pregnancy then the birth - in a high-risk scenario, someone with qualifications and experience needs to monitor the process, help make informed decisions about medications and interventions, planning for the high-risk birth and risk mitigations, knowing when to refer to even more specialised private consultants, give re-assurance and a familiar face for the process which helps deal with the psychological impact, prescribe medications and may have a lot to do for the mother's recovery treatment depending on just how complicated, how high risk … it doesn't always work so well when it's the next person on shift rotation who hasn't seen the case before. Believe me, some people need an array of very talented consultant specialists to act fast with knowledge of the case.

        Everything else you said I fully agree

        • boirganz on 04/08/2023 - 18:31

          Everything that you said gets done in the public system, at greater speed and efficiency than private practice and referral. Real high risk cases get referred to and seen by a sub team who deal with it and it’s always staff specialist / consultant level obgyn and various other specialists as required. Plus if you’re lucky a dedicated midwife for continuity of care although that’s rare now.

          Better care than a single obgyn and free. Plus you get all the scans done free also which saves 1000s.

          Also statistically better outcomes than private practice.

          Im not speaking from personal experience but insider knowledge

          • lethological on 04/08/2023 - 19:09

            @boirganz: Sounds like someone has a chip on their private accounts and never read a coroner's report. Statistically few public hospitals work the way you state.

            I agree the specialist looking after you has the biggest impact on care out comes - beyond what nature gave you.

            Some of the best work only in public… But you don't get to choose which one you get in public. It's more of a lucky dip.

            This is the difference with going private. Even if you don't have the best expert in the field looking after you. You pay to have the ability to choose from some of the best available and you get that consistent input into your care.

            Though generally if you're wanting a natural birth, and have the inherited predisposition to not have issues and you and your baby are healthy… You wouldn't really any Obs input and this is most cases.

            The point is probably moot for OP as they weren't planning for bub, so healthcare policy unlikely to include pregnancy. And the difference isn't worth the out of pocket fees unless they have got cash to burn.

          • May4th on 04/08/2023 - 21:27
            +1

            @boirganz: you realise consultants that look after high risk pregnancies in public also works in private?
            they would gauge when you need the resources that private does not offer, and can admit you to both public and private.
            in private you pay for the convenience and accessability to a specialist of your choosing.

          • MrFrugalSpend on 04/08/2023 - 21:34

            @boirganz: I'm not completely knocking the public system, we are a lucky country to have the resources we need either way.
            I just know what we lived through, and at the same time know others that went through the other system in similar circumstances.
            Not all public and not all private are created equal - if really high risk you need to go to your state's best in it's capital city.
            Sometimes if not your local hospital, you need to be in private care to be able to choose to do that and stay there.
            The consultants will likely even work across public and private - but you may not get to decide to see them at all if you are in the public system.
            As for paying for it, there's not all that much to pay once things go high risk bad - $500 hospital excess, I think like $1500 pregnancy management fee… the $200,000+ is paid by private health insurance (if have the coverage)!!

            In a high-risk outcome… there's something to be said about having top level consultant specialists (that are familiar with your case) personal mobiles on speed dial

            • May4th on 04/08/2023 - 22:26
              +1

              @MrFrugalSpend: yep it pays to do the research. what's the after hours policy, is there an experienced midwife in maternity you can speak to 24/7, how well staffed is the labour ward/maternity ward with nurses to beds, and who are the other consultants covering the weekend and on calls for your chosen obstetrician when they are rostered off, does the private hospital have SCN, PICU, ICU and consultant obs/neonatologist on site, ?blood bank and how far are they from the nearest public tertiary centre if transfer is needed. I had a good experience in private but there are things you have to be mindful of. in public you are often dealing with a SR or fellow overnight with a consultant on call within 30min away

    • skittlebrau on 02/08/2023 - 19:38
      +3

      You can find heaps of second-hand clothing on Gumtree and FB Marketplace - sometimes people will just sell boxes of them for $20-50. You’ll receive plenty as gifts from friends/family, so your bub will still have some new clothing. Just run second-hand clothing through a high temperature wash to sanitise it and you’re set.

      I’ve easily saved hundreds of dollars with second-hand clothes for my son.

    • juki on 03/08/2023 - 19:13
      +4

      you dont need half the stuff you get told you do, nappies, baby wipes, a few clothes done
      i would go to the pre natal hospital classes ect

  • Stopback on 01/08/2023 - 10:52
    +13

    prepare to visit a emergency room, find out which one to go to.

    • WhyAmICommenting on 04/08/2023 - 10:53
      -1

      Ideally a public one. The wait usually seems similar.

  • Cho0028 on 01/08/2023 - 10:54
    +7

    Recommend reading through the comments on this link: https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/655424

    Helped out heaps when deciding what really needed to be bought.

    • wittyusername on 02/08/2023 - 08:56
      +2

      Cheers for that, looks like I've got a lot of research to do.

    • Alpine58 on 02/08/2023 - 19:16
      +3

      Agree - and dont buy stuff till you need it and dont go to BabyBunting

  • TheBilly on 01/08/2023 - 11:04
    +23

    Be the best version of yourself for your family.

    • Daddy Chill on 02/08/2023 - 03:46
      +6

      I can't stand this line. Be the best version of yourself whatever the (profanity) that means

      • RSmith on 02/08/2023 - 06:24
        +44

        Daddy… Chill.

        • Hydralyte on 02/08/2023 - 20:22
          +10

          WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THAT?

      • soan papdi on 02/08/2023 - 09:38
        +16

        Kids look up to and model their parents. So the first step to raise good kids is to be good yourself. They need to see that you have good habits, keep your promises, are polite etc. If you have a messy bedroom and constantly yell at the kid to clean theirs, it’s not going to work. That’s what I think anyway.

    • capslock janitor on 02/08/2023 - 10:55
      +2

      Be the best version of yourself, for yourself bro

      Be the best version of yourself, for everyone bro

    • rentonc on 02/08/2023 - 11:46
      +4

      Yes but realise that you are human and are not perfect. Be prepared to have your imperfections shown to you when you see them in your child. It is normal, but I still struggle with it.

  • jv on 01/08/2023 - 11:04
    +7

    Uh-Oh, Knocked up The Misso.

    Misso soup is too salty. Don't have it too often.

    • Seraphin7 on 01/08/2023 - 12:18
      +7

      Even more salty now??

  • TheRealCher on 01/08/2023 - 11:08
    +5

    Bikies and bickies

  • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 11:21
    +1

    1st thing…paternity test

    • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 11:39
      +32

      don't neg him, people. he doesn't understand other humans are capable of forming bonds of love and trust with each other.

      • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 11:53
        -7

        ….because no missus ever screwed around or lied about it afterwards…..ever. lol!

        ….only $195!….heaps cheaper than raising a kid that may not even be yours!

        • [Deactivated] on 01/08/2023 - 12:02

          OK Hunter

        • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 12:10
          +11

          ….because no missus ever screwed around or lied about it afterwards…..ever. lol!

          Sure, now take that sarcastic "well no one ever told a lie before" mindset and uncritically apply it to the world around you and let your brain/personality soak up the results like a sponge

          oh wait, you already did, which is why you leave dogshit 'joke' comments like "ha ha make sure its yours!" to strangers

          now just listen to some podcasts say it's women/western society's fault that you're that way and you can order some supplements from an influencer

          congratulations, you've completed the MRA speedrun

            • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 13:02
              +4

              @franco cozzo: well, given your demonstration of what "funny" means to you above I'm proud to say I'll never hit that level

              • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 13:06
                -3

                @CrowReally: im pretty sure youve never been funny in your life…

                • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 13:09
                  +2

                  @franco cozzo: well, you would definitely be the sort of tastemaker i'd seek out for tips on what is and what isn't funny ;)

                  • Ughhh on 01/08/2023 - 13:39
                    +5

                    @CrowReally: I think you're being harsh on him, it's appears he has never had a real relationship built on trust, hence the projection onto others. Kinda sad 😔

                    • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 13:42
                      -5

                      @Ughhh: its hilarious watching you (profanity) try and psyco-analyse an obvious shitposter on a shopping website….it really is funny to watch! lol!

                      • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 14:04
                        +7

                        @franco cozzo: that's uh, a very convincing display of how little the comments got to you

                        • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 17:52

                          @CrowReally: mate dont even know who you are…

                          • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 17:53
                            +1

                            @franco cozzo: that's strange. I mean, most (practically all) of the other commenters on here know each other in real life.

                            but yeah, you're right, I guess we don't know each other. good thing to point out, signs of a solid thought process.

                            • [Deactivated] on 01/08/2023 - 18:06
                              +1

                              @CrowReally:

                              most (practically all) of the other commenters on here know each other in real life.

                              Have we met irl?

                              Was it @jv's bbq?

                              • CrowReally on 01/08/2023 - 18:15

                                @[Deactivated]: Yeah, I was dressed as the giant crow. The AFL fans kept asking me if I was from Adelaide for some reason (?)

                                • [Deactivated] on 01/08/2023 - 18:20

                                  @CrowReally: And here I was thinking I had too much red vino but nope, just jv not letting ALL guests know that it was fancy-dress friday.

                              • franco cozzo on 01/08/2023 - 18:28
                                -1

                                @[Deactivated]: jv had a bbq and i wasnt invited?? (profanity)…

          • franco cozzo on 02/08/2023 - 05:00
            -1

            @CrowReally: youre a real (profanity) crackup…keep making more baseless assumptions and keep posting your self important drivel….im sure it makes you feel so special! lol!

            • CrowReally on 02/08/2023 - 08:49

              @franco cozzo: look at that, i've gone from never being funny in my life to a real crackup

              thanks for typing "lol!" at the end of your posts, incidentally, it helps us decipher the ambiguous tone to your cleverly worded sentences.

              most of the great thinkers and writers end up having to use "lol!" so that the normie sub-literate segments of society know how to read the context of their messages

            • Canberralad92 on 02/08/2023 - 22:18
              +1

              @franco cozzo: Franco Cozzo make yourself useful and go call Bunnings about some price errors.

          • callum9999 on 02/08/2023 - 15:56

            @CrowReally: I don't think that's a fair comparison. Committing to raising, and paying for, a child for the next 18+ years (and if you're a vaguely decent person - probably much longer than that) isn't a trivial, everyday decision. It makes sense to think more carefully than you would for every other ultimately meaningless choice you would make in a normal day.

            Not that it makes what they said any less horrible of course, even though it just looks like a tasteless joke.

      • Wilson Wallace on 02/08/2023 - 01:51
        +16

        Sorry mate - have to disagree with you. Me and the Ex misses weren’t ever planning on having a baby. Until she told me she was pregnant.. how could it be though? I used to wear condoms… because quite simply, if you don’t wear condoms, and you’re not on the pill, you’re effectively trying. Anyway, 4 months later, she took a secret paternity test and it wasn’t mine. She manipulated me in telling me it was mine after I asked her on 4 different occasions if she slept with anyone else. Thank god, I found the paternity test.

        So, if it’s unplanned and you wore condoms or at least pulled out, get the test. Because ya know, me myself and Irene…..

        PS, I kicked the misses out the next day and found someone amazing!

        • Blitzfx on 02/08/2023 - 16:09

          Have you seen any repercussions from that? How long ago was it?

          Sometimes the family court will still force the non-biological father to pay child support.

          • Wilson Wallace on 02/08/2023 - 18:03
            +8

            @Blitzfx: Last year.

            Nope, after I found out she contacted the biological father, because she could only take the test with him because they need his blood as well as hers. He didn't want the baby, she cheated and lied, she's out.

          • [Deactivated] on 02/08/2023 - 20:25
            +2

            @Blitzfx: If they did that to me I'd go on the dole and add some cash-in-hand work, the court can only calculate on income they know about, so she only gets $20 a week. How dare some pompous judge in a court require another guy pay some garbage person who cheated and lied for one, and for two, support some other low scumbag's spawn you'd want nothing to do with from then on (if he were a real man anyway). Clean break, move on, no entanglement with past mistakes, find a woman who knows what morals are without reading a dictionary (instead of one who bounces from branch to branch of the dic tree).

            • unwashed00 on 04/08/2023 - 13:18

              @[Deactivated]: CSA can still calculate based off earning capacity, so it may not be so simple

        • JimB on 03/08/2023 - 12:24

          never knew you could get a paternity test before birth.

          Dodged a bullet there.

      • franco cozzo on 02/08/2023 - 06:34
        +1

        meanwhile in the real world….
        https://www.ozbargain.com.au/comment/14105253/redir

        keep believing in your romantic sitcom fairy-tales. lol!

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