How to Tackle Bullying at High School?

ShazOz on 08/04/2025 - 06:15

My son started year 7 this year and he is being bullied at high school.

Recently one of year 7 boys slapped him for being part of friend group and then threatened him again to leave the group otherwise he will face the consequences. This group apparently contains 5 boys and my son stated that this was his friend group from primary school and this bully joined the group just in year 7.

My son was speech delayed and still have difficulties expressing himself so I think he is being picked up. His confidence is shattered and losing self-esteem. We notified the school but they didn’t do anything as yet (been over one week). We have told our son to not to revert to physical response.

I would be good to know from this community re: how they tackle bullying of their kids in school and how to prepare kids.

Education & Work

Comments

                  • brendanm on 08/04/2025 - 16:57
                    +1

                    @EightImmortals: I never disagreed with you regarding doing some form of training. I disagreed with "snitches get stitches". Violent people need to be held accountable for their actions.

                    Oh no! Not his permanent record. lols

                    Can be an issue if trying to get into certain schools.

                    • EightImmortals on 08/04/2025 - 16:59
                      -1

                      @brendanm: "I disagreed with "snitches get stitches". Violent people need to be held accountable for their actions."

                      Of course they do, I was just pointing out the real world consequences of those actions in the context outlined in the OP. :)

                      • brendanm on 08/04/2025 - 17:03

                        @EightImmortals: If no one ever does anything, we end up in the position we are in now, where these little shits think they are untouchable.

                      • Donmega123 on 11/04/2025 - 13:16

                        @EightImmortals: Snitching is more if you get caught doing the wrong thing, then you throw your mates in to try and curry favour with the teachers. It's terrible behaviour to the extent that teachers at my high school would punish snitches more severely.

                        Dobbing is telling the teacher rather than dealing with a problem yourself. Oddly enough there is no problem dobbing culturally if you are doing it to protect a third party.

      • blitz on 08/04/2025 - 11:38
        +3

        Snitches get stitches bro.

        WOW.

      • OzzyOzbourne on 08/04/2025 - 16:51

        By that logic, adults who prey on kids shouldn't be snitched on, the kids should sort it themselves?

        • EightImmortals on 08/04/2025 - 16:54

          Yes that right champ that was exactly what I was talking about, well done.

    • Slipstream on 08/04/2025 - 15:06
      +1

      whilst I agree in general, you also must be careful not to produce a child that is constantly reliant on others to deal with their problems. I think alerting the school whilst simultaneously giving you child strategies to deal with the problem on their own is the right approach here.

      I've noticed an growing trend in the youth of today becoming less and less resilient in the face of adversity. This does not serve you well in adulthood. Far too much parenting is outsourced to the school these days. Spending the time with your child to give them good long term strategies to deal with the problem themselves needs to be a focus as well.

      • brendanm on 08/04/2025 - 15:55
        -4

        Great idea.

        Hey little Jimmy, when you grow up and someone punches you in the street, just laugh it off lol, don't worry about reporting that person for assault.

        Or

        Hey little Jessica, it's ok when your partner beats you, just be a bit resilient lol, toughen up! It's ok, it's not really assault and shouldn't be reported.

        Yeah seems like a good idea. People should definitely get away scott free after physically attacking someone, that's perfectly acceptable and won't allow them to grow up in a world.where they think that's ok.

        • Slipstream on 09/04/2025 - 06:21
          +5

          You appear to have serious reading comprehension difficulties.

          My initial reaction was that you were just being contrarian for the sake of it, but then i reflected and realised English may not be your first language, or you may not have had much of an education growing up, so let me hold your hand through this a little.

          when i said

          whilst I agree in general

          that means i AGREE that you should report this to the school, which is the opposite to what
          you said

          don't worry about reporting that person for assault.

          when i said

          I think alerting the school whilst simultaneously giving your child strategies to deal with the problem

          that word simultaneously is important in this sentence, it mean "as well as", i know its probably a few more syllables than you're used to, but the meaning of words can be very important when used in language, as they help to convey the meaning of the sentence.

          and it is the opposite (meaning opposing to. Think hot and cold, night and day, that sort of thing!)

          to what you said, which is

          it's not really assault and shouldn't be reported.

          The irony in all of this is that you're exemplifying my point i made initially. It appears that the exact moment someone doesn't agree with you or your point in it's entirety (and the strange thing is that i was actually advocating to still report to the school) then you straw-man something i absolutely did not say, use hyperbolic (sorry another big word) arguments i did not make and then argue against them shows that you may not have been given good strategies yourself on how to deal with people in the real world.

          That's not your fault, someone in your life let you down.There is always time to be able to self improve. Being an adult can be hard, and there isn't always a HR department in life. Getting good strategies to advocate for yourself, stand up for yourself and be resilient in the face of adversity is a good thing, not a bad thing.

          • brendanm on 09/04/2025 - 07:12

            @Slipstream: I can just ignore all that. Reporting assault is not "producing a child who is constantly reliant on others to deal with their problems".

            Any other garbage you say is irrelevant, we aren't talking about a kid who had a "yo mumma" joke told him and got his feeling hurt. This was physical assault.

            I'm normally the first to say people need to harden up or sort things for themselves, but not when it comes to assault.

            It's only the poorly educated who think that assault is ok, and that people should become more resilient to deal with it

            • Slipstream on 09/04/2025 - 16:34
              +2

              @brendanm:

              I can just ignore all that.

              I literally said that i think alerting the school is the right approach, and you're literally still saying i said the opposite, just how dense are you?

              The irony is through the roof.

              Any other garbage you say is irrelevant

              Yes, it's difficult to be self reflective when you're wrong and someone points it out to you isn't it. Better off to just ignore it and move on your way there champ.

              Care to point out where i said to not report it, specifically please, not some vague notion you have in your head?

              You somehow managed to also fail to comprehend my reply as well as my initial comment.

              Unbelievable.

              • brendanm on 09/04/2025 - 17:46
                -2

                @Slipstream: I never said that you said not to report it.

                Your response when someone has been assaulted seems to be that it's the victim who needs to change, not the perpetrator.

                • Slipstream on 10/04/2025 - 14:30
                  +1

                  @brendanm:

                  Your response when someone has been assaulted seems to be that it's the victim who needs to change, not the perpetrator.

                  another straw-man! Jesus Christ, do you even know how to have an adult conversation with someone? I'm legitimately bewildered at how much difficulty you have in understanding basic concepts. It appears you can read a sentence then somehow just make up what ever the hell you want it to mean in your head over the actual reality.

                  Point to one single sentence where i claimed the perpetrator doesn't need to change?

                  I never said that you said not to report it.

                  Sorry, but you're fool of shite again mate, literally the very first straw-man argument you put forward, and i quote you..

                  Hey little Jimmy, when you grow up and someone punches you in the street, just laugh it off lol, don't worry about reporting that person for assault.

                  quote literally there, is exactly what you're insinuating my message was. You literally said "don't worry about reporting it" in your initially misguided attempt at analogy. Either you're a master level troll and this is all satire, or you're honestly one of the stupidest people i have ever had the misfortune of conversing with online.

                  • brendanm on 11/04/2025 - 18:30

                    @Slipstream:

                    quote literally there, is exactly what you're insinuating my message was.

                    I wrote that, I never said you said that, I didn't quote you?

                    Point to one single sentence where i claimed the perpetrator doesn't need to change?

                    Point to one where you said they did have to?

                    you're honestly one of the stupidest people

                    Looks like someone was the schoolyard bully.

                    You seem quite upset, have you considered anger management counselling?

                    A closing thought, something I often ponder is "who is the biggest idiot". Is it the idiot, or is it the guy arguing with the idiot on a bargain forum. I'm not sure it's a question we'll ever have the capability to answer.

                    • Slipstream on 14/04/2025 - 14:04

                      @brendanm: I actually couldn't agree with you more.

                      It's abundantly clear that attempting you explain anything to you is an exercise in absolute futility as you've shown a stunning inability to grasp simple concepts.

                      I'll simply wish you a good day, and good luck!

            • sakurashu on 09/04/2025 - 20:34
              +1

              @brendanm:

              It's only the poorly educated who think that assault is ok,

              I'm very well educated and I reckon the OP's kid should break the other kid's nose.

  • morse on 08/04/2025 - 06:56
    +8

    Do you know any of the parents that are part of the group from primary school? It might be worth connecting with them, some might be willing to have a chat with their boys and get them to look out for your son. This is very dependent on how well you know the parent and their child though. Also encourage your son to have friends he gets on with well over to your house or meet up somewhere after school on weekends eg play computer games, ride bikes, go to the beach or whatever.

    A confidential chat with the year group teacher might also be helpful. They can probably provide advice on the best way to handle it in the school. The school counsellor might also be an option. You won’t necessarily see any consequence for the perpetrator, but school may be keeping an eye on it.

    I’d also encourage extra curricular activities outside of the school, sports club, martial arts like above (to build confidence not to put into use at school), music, surfing, surf life saving, volunteering. drama whatever your kid is into. This way they have friends outside of school and confidence in something that they enjoy. If you’re religious get involved in the youth offerings of the congregation, lots of churches have fun wholesome youth groups. If not religious have family friends over for a bbq or similar, especially if they have children or teenagers too.

    Also encourage your son to keep going with his academics. Do all the homework, practice whatever needs practice. At the end of the day they are there to learn, and if he’s having success academically that will build confidence and make him a likeable kid for teachers. It’s not always the most intelligent kids that excel in high school, it’s the ones that make an effort.

  • Ozbargainusername123 on 08/04/2025 - 07:12
    +36

    Boxing.
    He needs to learn how beat the shit out of someone. Building the confidence in his ability to punch a f'er in face will give him the courage to tell this c unt to f' off. If the bully doesn't stop give your son the permission to beat the shit out of him. Make sure he knows that even if the teachers try to make him feel that he's in trouble for doing what he did he can tell them to f' off too. He needs to know you will back him up 100%.
    This is real talk.
    Being a man isn't easy. Sometimes you got to get physical. Is what it is.

    • Phoenixzeus on 08/04/2025 - 14:22
      +2

      Some people are too stupid to be reasoned with using words. Obviously we should try words first but if that doesn't work, violence is the answer.

    • Joda on 08/04/2025 - 19:38
      +1

      A great way to get your kid started and some very quick results is to get one of these and some good boxing gloves and see how they go.
      https://www.bigw.com.au/product/speed-ball-boxing-floor-to-c…

      If your son doesn't like it, have fun with it yourself.

      It quickly builds great hand/eye coordination, speed, fitness - this also helps with other sports.

  • McMaferMur on 08/04/2025 - 07:14
    +7

    Bikies

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 08/04/2025 - 07:28
    +27

    Whatever you do act fast

    The effects of bullying at young age can last a life time, even if we as adults may think they can just grow out of it.

    I’ll be starting my kids on karate class or boxing when they get older. Not just as a recreation but because imo bullying is inevitable in 1 way or another.

    I personally had issues with body dysmorphia from bullying - was called fat in early years, so I basically stoped eating, then to the point I was stick thin and got called anorexic. I met my bully (a girl) some years later (still somehow within the greater social circle because brisbane is small as hell) - and they said wow you’re looking jacked (i obsessively work out every night), you used to be fat then so skinny. Me: haha ok

    • Worf on 08/04/2025 - 07:35

      At what age would you start your kids in karate / boxing?

      • EightImmortals on 08/04/2025 - 07:37
        -1

        In our case when they were around 6-7 (kids karate).

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 08/04/2025 - 07:41

        We tried the older one at 4, but too young. I think maybe 7+ be better.

    • MS Paint on 08/04/2025 - 09:49
      +6

      Jimothy Wongingtons

      Jack'd Wongingtons

      FTFY

    • Jackson on 09/04/2025 - 23:04

      I had almost the opposite experience to you. I got bullied as much as anyone does by much older kids back in the day, but not much by kids my own age. I was fortunate to be a strong kid and then played football and trained hard, and I did some karate and could throw a punch and wrestle. I ended up becoming the bully's bully to some degree, I didn't look for trouble but it was never too far away, and friends of mine would occasionally ask me to sort someone out. Most of the time a public humiliation was all it would take so I kept my hands relatively clean.

      As an older person I feel like it's not as much of Na issue these days as it used to be. I would still recommend martial arts and team sports, and not just to kids being bullied but to any kid, you can learn a lot from both, although because I had the benefit of some confidence early on, I don't train much at all now and haven't picked up a weight in over 10 years, I really should but between being time poor and not needing the confidence I am just not that driven. I play sports semi regularly but that's more for fun and cardio than anything. Just thought I would mention my experience as I thought the contrast was interesting, anyone who knew me at school would expect me to be jacked, but a lot of stick figures are way more jacked than I am now

  • skid on 08/04/2025 - 07:50

    Are the other 4 boys bullying your son too? Was the bully in the group from primary school?

    It's always a numbers game.

  • McMaferMur on 08/04/2025 - 07:50
    +3

    Get a bikies member come to pickup the kids make sure seen by their friends.
    Problem solved.

  • tenpercent on 08/04/2025 - 07:59
    +3

    Some people suggesting calling the Principal or teacher, but if that is all you do, it will produce dependency on authority figures and kill any sense of authority of self as well as self-esteem and confidence. In the immediate term it may what is necessary though (depending how severe and how physical the bullying is). A chat with your son's year coordinator may help you to navigate this without going all 'dibber dobber' straight up.

    Read up about what motivates bullies and have a conversation with your son about it. Typically bullies are weak and have low self-esteem and the bullying behaviour is masking that. It may help your son develop more of a sense of "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" mentality.

    Longer term you need to help build your child's confidence and his ability to navigate around d*ckheads like the bully or to engage in a verbal response (tough if he is speech delayed, but not impossible) and failing that to use physical force effectively for self-defence (if he feels confident in this he will feel more confident in the verbal approach too).

    Another option that may help in the short term could be to help your son to arrange a day out for him and his friend group (whatever they're into) and deliberately exclude the bully (obviously). Let it look like your son has planned it though, just look like you've agreed to chaperone/drive them.

    • sal78 on 08/04/2025 - 08:31
      -5

      Do not deliberately exclude the bully. Turn the bully into a friend. It’s only yr 7, boys are not mature yet. The cohort has many more yrs left to form friendships.

      • sakurashu on 09/04/2025 - 20:36
        +5

        Lol this isn't a hallmark movie - I don't think OP cares about the bully in question

  • JIMB0 on 08/04/2025 - 08:18
    +8

    Once your son knocks out the biggest one they'll never touch him again.

    • coffeeinmyveins on 08/04/2025 - 08:38
      +9

      This isn't prison mate.

      • JIMB0 on 08/04/2025 - 10:38
        +23

        Schools are a lot like prison.

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 08/04/2025 - 15:54
          +9

          But knocking out the biggest one will just get the son in trouble with the screws. Better to pay someone to shiv him discreetly in the yard.

          /s

        • will05 on 10/04/2025 - 16:18

          says longbay resident !

    • bobbified on 08/04/2025 - 08:48
      +6

      Yep - sometimes if nothing else works, got to fight fire with fire.

  • sal78 on 08/04/2025 - 08:30
    +4

    I have a really good relationship with my children’s friends. They can bring friends home with permission, if they organise beach trips I’m happy to pick up, a few times a yr my kids organise parties, bdays, halloween, galentines etc

    They think we are ‘cool’ parents. I just want my kids to have happy childhood memories albeit with boundaries.

    My eldest son had a similar relationship with his friend’s parents. His friends group chose to hang out at one of the boy’s home and at the yr 12 formal, I saw each boy gave the mum a hug so naturally inc my own son. I was envious and I realise I wasn’t close to any of his friends and he never brought friends home. Perhaps it’s because he has 2 younger siblings or I don’t clean his room. His friend’s mum is very motherly. They also have a huge outdoor area for entertaining. We do too, but we are not outdoor ppl so it needs beautifying.

    Anyway, I wanted to be more involved with my boy and girl twins. Get to know their friends. Be more motherly. Gen Zs are afraid of adults and boys especially at that awkward age. But now, if his friends see me at they will come and say hello. Recently, the girls even hug me. Tryst and respect needs to be earned.

    I don’t think it’s a bad idea to get to know their friends. Organise some fun things to do but give them space.

    I am truly amazed that within just 2yrs of making effort, my kids have the best friendships and HS memories. I had to make sacrifices but it’s so worth it. They are in yr 11 this yr. Not much time left. My life now just revolves around my work and family. Less gym, less socialising.

    Even the kids that have left the friendship group are so respectable and lovely. I find friendship group's change each year when they are put in new classes and forced to make new friends. It’s natural as they see each other less when they have no classes together. But it’s fine as they are all ‘mutuals’.

    Our school doesn’t have semi formals, my daughter told me that the cohort would love a parent organised semi and they all asked her to ask me. So that’s happening too. I feel honoured and privileged that they thought of me and asked me for help.

    I think the empty nest syndrome has hit me early lol but I think investing time and effort in your son, getting to know his friends etc is important and can help.

    Boys like to play prank. Some boys are more sensitive. I heard there was some bullying towards one of the boys back in yr 7 because he just arrived in Australia. The other boys teased him. Later they felt bad and bought him bubble tea to compensate. Now they are all great friends.

    Perhaps teach him how they tackle it? Because in life, there will always be bullies or situation of bullying. Like vocally call the bully out in a nonchalant way?

    For boys, sports is very important. It’s school holidays now, my son is playing social volleyball match versing a boys team from another school today. They organised it between them. Basketball, badminton, footy etc I think he will be playing dome form of sports every day whether it be basketball at the local park.

    • Scope on 10/04/2025 - 02:05

      the best is to get professional help

      As in bikies?

  • Benoffie on 08/04/2025 - 10:29
    +1

    Couple of things:

    Friendship groups from PS > HS rarely stick. Discussion point one with son.

    Make an appointment with Head of Year Level assuming you haven't done this.

    If done above and no action, move to Principal.

    If done that, written complaint to DfE.

    That's essentially the process, regardless of state.

    However, it's not going to change what's occurring on the ground. Sure, self defence etc but given current school policies, your child will be more likely to be suspended over perpetrators. This should only be persued for inner confidence, not external action.

    Has the school made any attempts to place your son in a club or activities to help form new friendships?

  • OzzyOzbourne on 08/04/2025 - 11:09
    +8

    Despite all the school policies and talk around anti-bullying, they'll likely do nothing to help. It's just a tick in the box exercise for them to say they have policies.
    It's possible your son is more worried about getting in trouble from the teachers or disappointing you if he fights back.
    The school will always take the easiest target, too hard for them to sort out a bunch of bullies (and deal with the bully's parents who are likely the reason they are bullies), so easier just to target your son if he smacks them back.
    So take him to martial arts classes to increase his confidence and strength, instil good moral values and make sure he knows he won't get in trouble from you for defending himself and you'll back him up when the teachers target him for defending himself.
    Just needs to give the bully one good smack and it'll likely stop

    • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:24

      "Just needs to give the bully one good smack and it'll likely stop"

      Yeah, so if the bully is say 5'8 and big and the son is 5'2 and slight it will take a good smack?
      Ok.

    • skid on 08/04/2025 - 12:08

      The first link is bang on. The second link is fiction.

      • dogboy on 08/04/2025 - 12:59
        +2

        First one was from Mr. Inbetween. A great show if you haven't seen it.

        • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 08/04/2025 - 15:59
          +2

          Great, now I feel like some dimmies

        • kirt on 09/04/2025 - 17:22
          +1

          Cheers mate :)

          Am now three episodes in - great show!

  • JumpingUnicorns on 08/04/2025 - 11:21

    Get on it before it gets to this point…

    https://7news.com.au/news/sa/charges-may-be-laid-as-family-m…

    • skid on 08/04/2025 - 11:42
      +2

      Daughters getting bullied is a whole other… can't see those bruises.

  • wallet72 on 08/04/2025 - 11:25
    +12

    In my experience, the school will do nothing - in fact it seems the first step in the 'cover your butt' handbook is to blame the victim.

    We had no action taken except getting banned from the school grounds until we contacted the media. Funny how a news crew turning up at the school gets attention.

  • yamahamoto on 08/04/2025 - 11:55
    +9

    Do you have older teenager in your family? Even your friends kid will do. Ask them to speak to the bully. I have done it for my cousin long time ago and it has worked. When I say speak it wasn’t speak I threatened the bully and that is the only way.

    • Hunk on 10/04/2025 - 12:12
      +1

      This is the best approach. A senior is best placed to bully the bully.

    • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:28

      yeah, when Parents get involved it gets worse, but kids are scared of 'others' (bigger kids, etc).

  • Cluster on 08/04/2025 - 12:14
    +1

    Bullies pick on kids they see as being weaker. Apart from talking to the school, you could try to improve your child's self confidence and resilience. Speech or other therapy may be a good idea (if not already done). I also quite like the idea of enrolling your child in a martial arts school. Not so that the child can physically fight back, but to give them more confidence and possibly find a new group of friends. Any interest in team sports? That's a great way to make friends.

    • AustriaBargain on 08/04/2025 - 13:52
      +2

      Adults too will bully kids they see as weak, kids who they think they can manipulate the parents of, or be too scared to even tell their parents. Schools were a miserable place for some kids, still are probably.

  • jv on 08/04/2025 - 12:44
    +1

    Boxing classes.

    Or failing that, find the bully and take a video of you scolding them at the school and post on youtube.

  • Poor Ass on 08/04/2025 - 12:52
    +1

    this is how school stabbing starts

    need a resolution asap

  • Davo1111 on 08/04/2025 - 13:00
    +2

    If the other 5 friends are actually his friends, they would stick up for him.

    "you're welcome to leave yourself, but im good here with my friends"

    • trapper on 09/04/2025 - 13:01
      +3

      Young kids are not that principled - they're more focused on avoiding becoming the next target of exclusion or bullying.

  • H3R34TH4C0MM3NTS on 08/04/2025 - 13:15

    Ask to speak to the manager

  • AustriaBargain on 08/04/2025 - 13:51
    +5

    If someone slapped you on the street or at work, the police would be called. I wouldn't tolerate it at all.

    • sal78 on 08/04/2025 - 18:22
      -4

      I didn’t see anywhere mentioning violence. The child did not get slapped/hit/physically attacked.

      Bullies tend to find it hard to make friends. They will target other kids too. Kids know better than to mix with the bully.

      I mean we have only heard one side of the story. Did the bully target anyone else? Why didn’t all his friends that have been with him since primary stick up for him?

      I remember once we heard a story from another teacher that our son was bullied on a school trip to Canberra. But the biggest boy in the grade stepped in and stood up for him. Some boys refer to him as a bully purely for his size but he is very nice and stuck up for our son. My son is 6 foot now but he did not have a growth spurt until like 17yo. He was the smallest and skinniest in the cohort. We only knew because my husband is a teacher at the school. When we asked my son, he wasn’t even too bothered. He knows who his friends are and stays away from the trouble makers. But I’m pretty sure they r all friends now. The boy was just being silly and that was in yr 7. Kids will grow up and mature.

      • AustriaBargain on 08/04/2025 - 18:54
        +3

        Recently one of year 7 boys slapped him for being part of friend group and then threatened him again to leave the group otherwise he will face the consequences.

        Was it a metaphorical slap? And a threat for further metaphorical slaps?

  • Shape on 08/04/2025 - 13:58
    -6

    There were a few kids in my year group who were so humiliated by a bunch of my classmates and I for so long that they brought the mother of the worst affected of them in to address the class and threaten to get the police involved if it didn't stop.

    It didn't stop. But as we matured and were drawn away to other things in life, it died down and came to an end naturally.

    Some say ignore it or get the authorities involved. Very bad idea. The error is to believe that bullying is fundamentally rational where you can incentivize consequences, when it is simply instinctual and carried out by kids who haven't yet developed a proper morality. Enlisting the aid of authority figures will only make your kid seen as they deserve it. Ignoring behavior results in ridicule for its delusive and therefore weak aspect, but it is also worthy of punishment too because it is openly flouting the established social hierarchy.

    Fighting back is a better idea, but it won't always work and I would caution that engaging in violence is a long term slippery slope that degrades one's self. I would include self-defense training in this. It teaches a boy that violence is respectable and something you can exercise in moderation, and so once they're an adult they may think the noble thing to do to lash out in a moment of passion (whatever the circumstance may be), and they'll end up with a harsh reality check from the legal system. But also it does very real damage to a person - concussion, violation of boundaries that escalate uncontrollably, inability to avoid getting down to the level of those willing to engage in reckless or sinister violence.

    A possible solution may be for the kid to be quiet, mind his own business, and getting him in contact with girls. Don't ignore insults and injury, show plainly pain and irritation directly to the person, but submit stoically and take a practical defensive posture. Some guy steals your kid's stationary every once in a while? Have your kid carry 1 pen and keep it where it cant be simply snatched. If it gets taken, take the L for that day and try again tomorrow. Having a girlfriend gets immediate respect from male peers, develops character, and young love is key component of a fulfilled life. Obviously that's a bit later on, but perhaps now would be a good time to start cultivating friendships with girls instead of gronks.

    And I think all of this should be explained in detail to the kid.

    • H3R34TH4C0MM3NTS on 08/04/2025 - 14:44
      +12

      Sorry Bullies need to be punished and parents made accountable. The Education needs a hard line zero tolerance on bullying and unacceptable behaviour, why does it tolerate this. the number of Female teaches being SA'd and the education department doing nothing is short of disgraceful. immediate suspensions and expulsions are required.

      • Shape on 09/04/2025 - 03:10
        +1

        Pipe dream.

        Sometimes the bully is a teacher's pet, who will lie and say he got bullied by the victim, when it's the other way around. Sometimes it's the victim lashing out at the bully, and the bully yells out "look miss, he's hitting me!". So even if you could somehow get the state to award teachers the ability to punish based on intuition without needing to prove anything, you're going to have mistakes being made. A similar method is group punishment for the wrongs of the few. Whatever the merits of these potential policies, the reality is that the state won't allow teachers discretionary power, and they are reluctant to suspend/expel students because either they have to go to another school anyway, or they're out of the school system - and the last thing the state wants is energetic angry youth outside of their control and purview and with a lot of free time.

        At my school, we would take advantage of female and weak looking ethnic teachers who had no air of authority or strictness about them. I remember one female teacher, we'd literally throw the chairs across the room at each other, and she would just be constantly begging us with shrill almost self-pitying cries of "please stop that!" to no avail. By contrast capable-looking older men automatically commanded respect and induced some degree of fear, which minimized bullying.

        Most female teachers don't belong in a classroom that has boys undergoing puberty IMO. Maybe part of the solution lies in getting more males to be teachers again, but don't hold your breath. Especially since racial/cultural/religious difference would be at the forefront now of any interaction, which cuts through that old style respect for senior males. Because I'm willing to bet those female teachers getting sexually assaulted you speak of, I doubt a single case is perpetrated by the large number of east Asian students in Australian schools.

        Bullied kids need to understand they're on their own in this, and there's no tried and true winning solutions, only ways to potentially mitigate it. Bullying is an inalienable part of human instinct.

        • sal78 on 09/04/2025 - 04:27
          +1

          That’s just bullying the teacher. Wow what kind of school do kids throw chairs at teachers?

          • Shape on 09/04/2025 - 04:48

            @sal78: Throw chairs at other kids, not the teacher. And in that case it was just for good fun, not bullying. But it's crazy what you can get away with when it comes to female teachers.

            Teachers do get bullied themselves sometimes, its the pathetic young male ones actually, who look like or say they've just come out of a lifetime of school bullying into adult life. Teachers will start being respected when they become respectable, not when the Principle gives a tired old speech on 'values' and 'zero tolerance'. And I can imagine that in today's schools, being a Christian when your students are muslim, or different ethnicity when cultural hostilities are still alive and well, you ain't gonna be seen as respectable.

        • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:33

          The easiest way for a female teacher to maintain control is to hand out detentions like candy.

    • ReaperX22 on 08/04/2025 - 19:07
      +3

      This is a terrible take. You're just saying 'deal with it, it'll go away, ignore them, Dw about it' - as an adult who also dealt with bullying and attempted all of your suggestions, yeah, nah, it doesn't work. All it does is mess with your own self esteem, future relationships, and empower idiots who think bullying is okay and then grow up to have kids who also bully.

      Here4thecomments is correct. There's a fundamental problem with parenting, education and repercussions.

      In some cases there's even bullying from teachers to students, which my partner was the receiver of, simply because she asked questions to try to better understand (which, in a catholic private school, is clearly forbidden! How dare she question the almighty)

    • trapper on 09/04/2025 - 13:09
      +2

      It teaches a boy that violence is respectable and something you can exercise in moderation

      This is true though, especially for a male.

      There will be times in life when it's necessary to protect yourself and those you care about, especially once you have a family of your own. This is the world we live in.

  • bargaino on 08/04/2025 - 15:21
    +6

    We have told our son to not to revert to physical response.

    May I ask what that is? If the school is failing to act, violence can be an effective strategy.

    caveats:
    - it depends on individual circumstances, this is not personal advice, just an example
    - you do not want violence to escalate out of control. The goal is not to "win a fight", but to end the bullying.
    - this is easier said that done

    Punch the bully in the face. Get in one good hit. Protect yourself and accept the retribution. In a place where other people are around who will stop it going too far. You don't need to "win", just fight back. Once is typically enough.
    It is sad when it comes to that. The school principal has failed. Depending on the school demographics, he may not have a lot of options. The Department ties the hands of staff, giving them few tools.

    • scrone on 08/04/2025 - 19:22
      +4

      This is the best advice. No need to train for months or years… just need to man up and hit the kid in the face hard. They won't bully again even if you lose the fight.

    • ReaperX22 on 08/04/2025 - 19:55
      +3

      I got into many fights in high school as I was always super reactive to bullying (I was very bad at managing my own reactions).. But kids/teens are dumb. It doesn't matter if you 'win' or even if you 'get a good hit'. If you're less popular, they twist the story 'you got bashed brooooo' even though you turned up next day with no bruises marks or otherwise.

      I'm sorry but it's not the movies. 'fight back and they know you mean business' never works. The bullies don't learn. And you just end up with either a reputation amount the kids for being that crazy kid who always fights back, or a mark on your own school record anyway… Because you fought back. In the event you do 'get that good hit' in, despite them starting it, and you finishing it, you still end up worse. You also don't always know how people respond, their siblings, their friends, cousins parents sometimes get involved outside of school. Your house gets egged in the middle of the night. It's a vicious cycle. (and yes these latter comments happened to me, ended up involving my own home so..)

      • Pusdi on 09/04/2025 - 22:34

        Sorry to hear that. Some people just need a bullet

      • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:38

        I remember my friend who was a big but a bit of a softy picking up a heavy table and throwing it at his brother.

        He became the 'class psycho' even though he was a great person.
        No one ever f**ked with him again.

  • BartholemewH on 08/04/2025 - 16:10
    +2

    Left, right, goodnight.

  • MessyG on 08/04/2025 - 17:10
    +3

    Contact the school again and follow it up, ask them what they have done to address to it. Be really really annoying about it to them, they are more likely to act if you're annoying. If they are not responsive escalate to the principal. If they are still not responsive escalate to the education department. If it still doesn't stop then remove him from the school and take him to a new one. Do NOT expect him to fix it on his own, or sit down with the bully. The school needs to intervene early because unchecked that bully will become worse with time. To all the posters telling the boy to punch him in the face - this isn't the eighties. There are evidence based interventions now.

    Widen his friendship base outside of school with extracurricular activites as much as you can too. Confidence comes with mastery so if you can get him a skill which he enjoys, it really mitigates a lot of the damage. It doesn't need to be martial arts, it needs to be what your child enjoys doing so they can feel seen and validated the way they are. If his friends are all weak bystanders who aren't calling the bully out, then it may be time for new friends.

  • iTaco on 08/04/2025 - 17:20
    +1

    If your son is capable he should beat the shit out of him

    • ReaperX22 on 08/04/2025 - 19:10

      Yeah let's perpetuate that 'beating the shut out of people' is the best way to handle things. Definitely couldn't escalate and eventually lead to DV later in life everytime their partner doesn't agree with them. Nah. Couldn't do that.

      • R4 on 08/04/2025 - 19:23

        Violence in response to violence is usually not the right response - but sometimes it is.

      • michaelTito on 08/04/2025 - 21:26

        people who say "get your son to beat the shit out of the other kid" are clearly bullied in high school. they are expressing what they wish they wanted to do to those who bullied them in high school.

        • belongsinforums on 09/04/2025 - 11:12

          Doing nothing doesn't work. That's for sure

        • Bromad on 09/04/2025 - 12:50

          Or they know violence is the most effective response to bullying..

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