How to Tackle Bullying at High School?

ShazOz on 08/04/2025 - 06:15

My son started year 7 this year and he is being bullied at high school.

Recently one of year 7 boys slapped him for being part of friend group and then threatened him again to leave the group otherwise he will face the consequences. This group apparently contains 5 boys and my son stated that this was his friend group from primary school and this bully joined the group just in year 7.

My son was speech delayed and still have difficulties expressing himself so I think he is being picked up. His confidence is shattered and losing self-esteem. We notified the school but they didn’t do anything as yet (been over one week). We have told our son to not to revert to physical response.

I would be good to know from this community re: how they tackle bullying of their kids in school and how to prepare kids.

Education & Work

Comments

        • iTaco on 09/04/2025 - 15:19
          +1

          Yes I was bullied in high school by 2 different people. No idea what they had against me especially when friend groups were the same. I didn’t bash the shit out of them, wish I had. Best I got was flung one against the brick wall and he collapsed, he shut up after that. The other we got into a push back and forward and he ended up cutting himself across the face with his own watch. After that he backed down.

          Teachers are useless, the kid should let the bully know he isn’t free real estate and give him one and make sure it’s a good one.

          • michaelTito on 10/04/2025 - 21:23

            @iTaco: Damn bro you are tough.

            • iTaco on 10/04/2025 - 22:27

              @michaelTito: I care what you think?
              You comment like your trying to belittle me, maybe you were a bully in your day? Seems like you might still be making these kind of comments.

              • michaelTito on 10/04/2025 - 22:37
                -1

                @iTaco: Nah I was bullied in high school and still get bullied to this very day. You’re bullying me right now with your downvote.

  • ShazOz on 08/04/2025 - 17:35
    +6

    Update: The school reverted earlier today to advise that they have addressed the issue and consequences were imposed. I don't know what actions were taken by them but there is at least written record that they followed up.

    • ReaperX22 on 08/04/2025 - 19:09
      +5

      I'd be very curious to know what actually happened.

      It's all good and well to say something happened, but whether it did or not is a different story. Also kids are spiteful and petty so I hope this doesn't worsen for your kid.

      Best of luck!

      (Ps throw in an update in the main post as well so people don't need to find this post for an update)

    • whatgift on 11/04/2025 - 14:53

      Keep a good dialog going with your son and ensure he’s comfortable talking to you about his problems - that’s the best way to ensure the situation has improved.

  • altomic on 08/04/2025 - 17:52
    -2

    Bikies

  • lowndes8 on 08/04/2025 - 18:12
    -1

    My advice would be get him dropped of or picked up by a pack of bikies, doesn't have to be hell angles, finks etc go on facebook and fine some motorbike groups. Imagine him being dropped off or picked up by a huge pack of bikes. Even cars

  • grr1701 on 08/04/2025 - 18:43

    Book a face to face interview with the Principal so you can explain the issues, fully, to him/her. Less likely to get lost in the background “noise”. Very unlikely you’ll be ignored/forgotten.

  • R4 on 08/04/2025 - 19:21
    +2

    Teach him the headbutt - head back and smash forehead onto his nose. C**ts going to be bleeding like a MF and all thoughts of bullying will have disappeared.

  • pipe on 08/04/2025 - 21:13
    -2

    Not surprised that ozbargain users were bullied in high school. Clearly messed them up and they need to find the best bargains to feel like they are in control of their lives. Posting insensitive comments to people who received traffic fines is not too different to bullying.

    • Pusdi on 09/04/2025 - 22:42
      +2

      Wait, you are using ozbargain too..

      • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:43

        how do you think he knows?!

        " Posting insensitive comments to people who received traffic fines is not too different to bullying."

        insensitive comments about traffic fines is the same as slapping someone in the face.

  • infinite on 08/04/2025 - 21:46
    -1

    These problems are always easily solved by having your kid deal a swift and severe beating to the bully concerned.

    Use the day your kid receives as a suspension (if the school even bothers doing that) to go out and have a boys day together. Plan the day's activities in advance with your kid.

    The outcome is always the same - the bullying stops immediately and never begins again for the rest of your child's school days.

    There is no other option, because the school will never EVER do anything to actually stop a child from being bullied. That is 100% a solution that only your child can solve.

  • Logical on 08/04/2025 - 22:09
    +5

    Wish you all the best, however bullying is present on OzB amongst 'grown ups' so not sure how much useful assistance you will gain here from this community.

    • ReaperX22 on 08/04/2025 - 22:31

      The amount of 'grown ups' here encouraging children to beat down on each other is also astounding… I hope some of these people don't have kids themselves.. Geez.

      • Wayne7497 on 08/04/2025 - 22:46

        Using harsh words or talking to staff never works with bullying as children or adults whether you like it or not it never ends until you physically stand up against bullies.

        And you can complain all you want but if you have ever been bullied you would know, sad but true sometimes violence is the answer

        • ReaperX22 on 09/04/2025 - 00:46
          +2

          I'm saying from someone who was bullied. And who did fight back. That in my case not only did it not work, it made things worse. So I'm stating from experience it's not the answer.. Not really.

          • Wayne7497 on 09/04/2025 - 02:42

            @ReaperX22: Your an exception

            • gromit on 09/04/2025 - 14:12
              +3

              @Wayne7497: No I think it is a pretty common scenario. At school I put one of my Bullies in hospital and got suspended, it made it far worse as they now knew I was screwed if I did anything back to any of them in future without a teacher witnessing it wasn't my fault.

          • sakurashu on 09/04/2025 - 20:43
            -1

            @ReaperX22: Conversely it worked great for me

      • sal78 on 09/04/2025 - 04:22
        +2

        And the kids in question are only in yr 7 or 12yo to put in perspective.

        My friend took her daughter out of school due to bullying. The accused is a nice girl but can be a bit too extroverted. But it was really just different POV and misunderstanding and not speaking up. The so called ‘bully’ cried on the last day of school exchanging goodbyes. They met up several times in school holidays to hang out. She asked her friend why she left and eventually confided she left because of her and the ‘bully’ cried and apologised and she had no idea that her actions made her friend sad. This girl is very sensitive and can easily misinterpret things and situations. I mean if her friend was a real bully then why hang out several times together and in groups and why still include her?

        I know both girls. Both parents are my friends and neither are bullies. They are so young 11/12yo. It’s such a shame.

  • noideaa on 08/04/2025 - 22:54

    My family member once said you gotta stand up and fight back when I was a kid and it worked every time. The bullies might overpower him but they will move on to prey on the next “quiet” one.

    So, violence is the only answer you’re looking for. You have to remember teachers are fully aware and can tell who bullies are at first glance but they’re useless and spineless when it comes to dealing with them.

    I remembered coping my first suspension in year 11 for having enough of their shit in class and another teacher secretly applaud me for hearing what happened. That says it all really.

  • UFO on 08/04/2025 - 23:54
    +1

    All contact with the school should be in writing at this point. Emails have date time stamps.

    If your son reports bullying to you, get every detail from him and report it to the school.
    Time, place, what happened, reported to which teacher, who witnessed it.

    This should happen every single time. If the school does not take action, report the school to the education department.

    In the meantime if the bully continues to physically assault your child, it's 1 strike to the school- then police after that.
    Schools hate it when police are called… but if they can't stop assaults occurring on their watch, then that's what is needed.

    Completely ignore the manlets in this thread saying to "suck it up". You DO NOT have to just accept your child being physically assaulted. Alpha's that are crap parents and raising bullies themselves no doubt.

    For peace of mind, enrol your child into an effective self defence class (I suggest BJJ as it encompasses ground/wrestling… often where fights end up).
    It gets your child comfortable with physical contact, but in a controlled environment.

    Don't wait to "see how things go". Stick up for your child. Be their voice. The bully must learn their behaviour is completely unacceptable. The school must understand in no uncertain terms that you will go just go away if they ignore you. School>Police>Education Department>Education Minister (a Ministerial Complaint with lots of dates, times, efforts made, injuries sustained, actions/inactions of relevant authorities).

    • Shape on 09/04/2025 - 03:39
      -5

      Yes, document every humiliation and make a journal of it, with photos and third party recollections if possible, and bring it out at the birthday party so all the kid's family and friends know and share in it. Then send it off to the education minister, who I am sure will become personally emotionally invested in getting it solved instead of delegating a template response to his secretary.

      Get them to learn martial arts, listen to Jocko Willink podcast during early morning cold showers, and call the police once they get knocked out against the concrete after relinquishing a choke-hold on the bully.

      • UFO on 10/04/2025 - 01:20
        +3

        Good luck in life champ, you're going to need it.

        If you honestly reckon violence will solve your problems, you're going to be broke ass and lonely your whole life.

        Oh… and I especially like how you've misconstrued and grossly exaggerated everything I said, to try and prove your ridiculous notions.

        Failed on both counts, but good on your for trying.

        • Shape on 10/04/2025 - 05:34
          -1

          I suppose then you suggested self defense classes only to mitigate the chance of serious injury if attacked. But that would be inadvisable anyway, because bullies aren't going to knock you out if you're not putting up a fight, and if its a situation where you get into a fistfight but then the other person brings out a knife (also highly unlikely), grappling skills ain't gonna save you.

          You sound like the type of guy who would tell police everything because you've "done nothing wrong". The reality is that people you don't personally know don't give a damn about you or your son. This includes the school staff, the police department, the education department, and the rest of the entire state bureaucracy. Start taking up their time and yes they will start to care about you, in that you will become a problem to be solved. They're going to see you and your opinions the way you see me and mine. Except the police have extraordinary powers you don't have, and you could end up being charged with "public mischief" for wasting police time.. "obstruction of justice" for say, refusing to hand over you or your son's phone that has recorded an incident as you sound like you would advocate doing.. "resisting arrest".. "referred to Child Protective Services". And all it takes is for some Karen at your school's front desk to not know what to do with you and be irritated, who then calls the police to deal with you and says she "felt afraid" talking to you (causing a person to 'feel fear', even if no violence occurred, is a T1 common assault criminal offense, and the police have to assume the claimant is correct and arrest you).

          The most likely outcome though of course is simply that nothing happens. Maybe the school get you or a staff member to come into the class and give a short address with an "..and it better not happen again!" at the end. Your child will be seen as a weak snitch, and the whole thing will become bigger than it needs to be. I think most people get bullied - that is, humiliated - in one form or another at some point. Trying to get revenge or seize control wastes time and rarely ends well, it's best to accept it as an episode in life and move on to better things once you can.

  • liongalahad on 09/04/2025 - 01:01
    +1

    When someone bullies you, you either respond with force or you're condemned to succumb. No one will make the bullies go away for you. If I had a kid and he was bullied I would try and teach him how to respond physically. If that failed, I think I would confront the bully myself. If that doesn't work I think maybe I'd notify the parents of the bully of what's going on, and if that doesn't work actually threaten them with legal action if that didn't stop, a letter from a lawyer is always scary (even if actual legal action is probably not likely to stand) and will encourage the patents to do something about it.

    Doing nothing and hope it will go away or waiting for authorities or the school, is just too risky and most of the time it's the worst outcome for the bullied child so that's not really an option.

    • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:46
      -1

      " think I would confront the bully myself"

      Don't do this. It does not work.
      Use a 3rd party to the parent who is also a kid (cousin, brother, etc) or something like that.

      "Doing nothing and hope it will go away or waiting for authorities or the school, is just too risky and most of the time it's the worst outcome for the bullied child so that's not really an option."

      It is an option. Just tell the kid to separate themselves from the person and to put up with it.

  • Guerilla89 on 09/04/2025 - 06:50
    +1

    I got picked on a lot in high school, every time I would just fight the bully. You don't have to win but if you aren't an easy target that person will stop bullying you after the first fight. I stopped that strategy after I fought a bully who just happened to be in a boxing program and quite good at it. He fractured two of my ribs and broke my nose. To top it all off, the high school I went to expelled me because in their mind I was always involved in fights. I'm in my late 30's now and I've worked across multiple schools and it's still the same, the system is really set up to protect those who enjoy picking on others to put them down even today. What I mean by that is that there are no consequences for "poking the bear" or continuous small aggressions.

    My advice would be this:

    Get them into a martial arts program. Confidence is key and it can only be found when your child proves themselves to themselves. You should seek to give them experience in a safe environment.

    Bullies 100% rely on victims being ashamed of tattling to get away with being A-holes, additionally the majority of adults don't want to get involved.

    Encourage your son to tattle frequently and immediately (preferably by email). Staff at schools generally hate being involved, they hate it even more though if there is a trail of communication which proves they failed to act. Every time they tattle, get forward the last email with additional reporting/evidence so it builds a large chain. Bullies generally want you to play the game they are best at (verbal and physical attacks). If your child can't beat them at that game, they need to win another way.

    Tell them they can fight and most likely the bullying will stop. They need to decide if a fight is worth the risk of potentially getting injured.

    Tell them not to engage in fights if they think the other child could potentially have a weapon. If they do have a weapon, it needs to be reported anonymously and your kid needs to go to a different school.

    Having a good group of friends is important, generally kids with a lot of friends don't get picked on. Tell them to be nice to others who aren't mean to them. Making friends by being kind is a severely underrated way of keeping yourself safe.

  • WastedWombat on 09/04/2025 - 09:27

    From my experience the school stepping may not fix the issue.

    I would get him into boxing, not only for the self-defense but also as a side effect being looked at as "cooler" to his friend group. A lot of young boys are getting into combat sports and if they know he is a boxer they may respect him a little more (especially if he is skilled).

    Also, I would encourage whoever is his closest friend in his group to stand up for him in those moments. Having just one other person to retaliate against the bullying will help shift the whole group's mindset on him. It's hard to action this but maybe you could try talking to his closest friend, or any of the other friends who may have that personality trait.

  • Nebargains on 09/04/2025 - 09:39

    Not sure how I would handle the situation but it is crazy the number of people who think violence is the answer without saying it, like boxing and karate, you're note saying fight back but you are. A fight is a perfect way for both kids to find themselves suspended.

    • belongsinforums on 09/04/2025 - 11:10

      Never been in that situation I see

    • FallaM on 09/04/2025 - 12:12
      +1

      You have absolutely 0 idea, don't you? If the bullies parents don't care then the school or parents stepping in would make the kid appear even weaker. You just fundamentally don't understand male behaviour.

    • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:48

      Karate is martial arts dancing.

  • timcc0208 on 09/04/2025 - 10:55
    -1

    In my old days, there was some bullys. I just dealed with it myself.

  • SuperMid on 09/04/2025 - 11:30
    +1

    Teachers in public: we condone all forms of bullying and our school stands by our policy blah blah blah

    Teachers in private: oh your sons being bullied? Yeh we cant do anything about that.

  • jaimex2 on 09/04/2025 - 11:42

    The only language bullies understand is violence.

    From personal experience the only way you deal with bullies if adults are ignoring the problem is to be psychotic.

    Like a rock to the head from behind psychotic. Double down on violence till they rue the day they thought they could mess with you.

    There's two possibilities from there:

    The escalation will force adults to intervene.

    Constantly watching their back will deter the bully.

  • eklipsils on 09/04/2025 - 11:58

    Boxing classes and I would say its fair game to hit back if he gets hit first.

  • FallaM on 09/04/2025 - 12:11
    +1

    You're going to get a lot of BS responses but every male knows the only response is physical. I don't care if it's controversial. Any dude who saw or was a part of bullying behaviour in school knows that the parents or school stepping in does nothing but actually end up in more torment UNLESS the bullies parents are genuinely appalled by their childs behaviour and take measures to stop it…but if the kid is a bully, that's unlikely.

  • cannedhams on 09/04/2025 - 13:16
    +2

    Hi OP,

    I had quite a bit of direct experience of this in high school as I tended to be socially inept.

    Its quite extraordinary how fatalistic we are when it comes to students being hazed and assaulted in schools. My experience was unless significant injuries resulted, they didnt care.

    Unfortunately, at least for boys, the violence option tends to be the only one that resolves the problem decisively. You don't even need to win the fight, necessarily. You just need to put a price on being bullied. I had my last fight in Year 12 and there was arguments for weeks about who had prevailed. I didn't really care, just scoring a couple of hits solved the problem for me. Actually, a disputed outcome is often more useful than a win, as it discourages further bullying but allows the other boy to save face.

    I wouldnt recommend boxing young term particularly for young people due to the concussion risk. However, karate etc are not very useful for self defence. Judo and jiujitsu are useful but not really in a situation where all his friends are standing about, you don't want to be grappling necessarily and be vulnerable to hits from other people. You want to be able to strike and keep your distance. Boxing is the best grounding for this.

    A bit of boxing knowledge goes a long way. Most of the boys his age will not know what to do and will start taking big swings with their right hand, and if you know how to respond to that its quite straightforward.

    I would not recommend hitting someone hard in the face as there are too many things that can break. Its better to try and strike at the solar plexus, that will not break anything and a strong blow there will stop anyone. The other boy will probably have had enough at that stage, its a good idea to confirm "are we done?" "have you had enough". Try and shake his hand after all is done, after all he still has to go to school there and a bit of face-saving goes a long way.

    I know it sounds harsh and counter to our modern values, but prevailing in a fight really does wonders for a young boy's self esteem. You'd be surprised at the change.

  • HangryCakeStore on 09/04/2025 - 15:28
    -1

    Let’s not be ignorant about the worse bullies in school… Racism! Would be up there!!! And they’re are committed almost entirely by white Europeans “the true Australians”

    Damn have you not seen the shift in behaviour ever since TRUMP and Covid!? Everyone thinks it’s ok to insult any minority.. so eff you all unaustalians/bogans
    Bullies are rarely ever sorry. They just move on and leave the broken to deal mentally later on life. Needing therapy, but u don’t know cause most are ignorant

    • prodrome on 09/04/2025 - 16:14
      +2

      You sound like fun

    • tenpercent on 09/04/2025 - 16:53

      I presume the ironic hyprocrisy of your comment is lost on you.

      • HangryCakeStore on 09/04/2025 - 17:23

        No it’s on you and so called mates u ignorantly never discuss about racist behaviour and assume they all good.. doubt it with the rise of eshays /behaviour likes

        • tenpercent on 09/04/2025 - 17:26

          I'm discussing racist behaviour right now.
          The only racist behaviour I've seen here is from you.

          Let’s not be ignorant about the worse bullies in school… Racism! Would be up there!!! And they’re are committed almost entirely by white Europeans “the true Australians”
          …
          so eff you all unaustalians/bogans

          • HangryCakeStore on 09/04/2025 - 17:29

            @tenpercent: You base it on comment alone, but ignore the racist vids during Covid times. Where actual violence, lmao u proved some ignorance there

            • tenpercent on 09/04/2025 - 17:30

              @HangryCakeStore:

              You…ignore the racist vids during Covid times.

              Do I? How do you know I do or don't?

              • HangryCakeStore on 09/04/2025 - 17:35
                -2

                @tenpercent: Cause I go out and listen. Most hardly ever discuss this and actually applaud it.. u know all the racist jokes of immigrants.. do you ever find a YouTube video of influencers apologising the behaviour or typical Europeans?
                Anyways these are just comments on whose racist, The true racism are in the violence u see on video, and take a look at prisons , why they almost statistically Europeans/indogenous in Aus ???

                PS TRUE BULLYS OF AUSTRALIA, not longer the topic of racism

                • tenpercent on 09/04/2025 - 17:42

                  @HangryCakeStore: But you accused me of ignoring some allegedly "racist vids during Covid time".

                  You know all the racist jokes of immigrants

                  Do I? I don't think I do. But here's a good one:

                  Two Irish pilots were attempting to land their jet but the runway was the shortest they had ever landed on!

                  Paddy, the chief pilot, slammed on the brakes the minute they hit the runway.

                  The plane skidded, the brakes squealed, and the two pilots fought desperately with the controls until the jet finally came to a stop just before the end of the runway.

                  "Jaysus Seamus" said Paddy to his copilot.

                  "That was close! They really need to make this runway longer, we nearly went off the end!"

                  "Yeah, but Paddy" Said the copilot.

                  "Look at how WIDE it is".

                  • HangryCakeStore on 09/04/2025 - 17:51
                    -1

                    @tenpercent: I write these comments to accuse the general Aussie audiences and not just you. And if u think it’s bad, meh.. don’t be ignorant and look the actual violence out there being committed
                    Cause I know I don’t go out doing that.

                    • tenpercent on 09/04/2025 - 17:53

                      @HangryCakeStore:

                      I write these comments to accuse the general Aussie audiences

                      All Aussies? Regardless how long they have been citizens or where they were born?

                • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:55
                  -1

                  @HangryCakeStore: "why they almost statistically Europeans/indogenous in Aus ???"

                  75% of the AA prisoners in Goulburn supermax are muslims.
                  AA prisoners are the considered the most dangerous prisoners and are a constant risk to jail staff.
                  Who do you think runs the Outlaw motorcycle groups (OMGs)?
                  https://www.smh.com.au/national/religious-divide-drives-biki…

                  Notorious/Bandidos->Hells Angels/B4L = Sunni
                  Commachero = Shia

                  "why they almost statistically Europeans?" because 75.4% of the population is either Aus/UK/NZ.

  • niknikniknik on 09/04/2025 - 18:30

    Parental involvement should certainly happen when things get out of hand - but kids have become softer in modern times which will not set them up well to deal with adversity in adulthood. There's an element of school level bullying that, when overcome by oneself, would build self esteem and self confidence. Parents should guide kids through the issue and let the kid have a chance at solving it themselves - and parents can step in if things escalate to a dangerous level.

  • BargainDog on 09/04/2025 - 19:02
    +1

    I had a very similar situation in high school. After trying to get through Year 7/8 and ignoring, fighting or letting the teachers know - I was just isolated and all my friends basically saw me as some sort of social leper and didn't want to associate with me.

    In the end, I moved highschools. It was still a public school, but further away.

    I thrived, a few people knew me from primary school but not well. I made some great friends I have to this day and i got a girlfriend a month after starting (I wouldn't have dreamt of a girl looking at me before).

    It's worth considering if all options fail. I've also heard of neighbours whose kids have done the same after being bullied.

    I don't think it's weak, I just think that sometimes a situation is beyond redemption and as adults we can remove ourselves, in most cases, from toxic situations - for kids, we need to sometimes intervene and do that for them

  • Donmega123 on 09/04/2025 - 21:34

    To play devils advocate, does the child have tics or unpleasant habits that he could reign in a little? If he's getting bullied because of tangible reasons maybe it's worth addressing these while he is still young.

  • IpGem on 09/04/2025 - 22:43

    Ive seen way too many bullies in my primary, highschool days. I never got bullied though but helped a lot of soft targets from being bullied. Bullies are everywhere, I'm 27 now and i see office bullies treating their subordinates like sh*t.

    So imo, and above all your kid needs to have that confidence and with the physical training as others have suggested, I'd really recommend you talk with him everyday and try to boost his mental strength/health too.

  • tunzafun001 on 09/04/2025 - 22:45

    After working in schools for 20+ years, bullies are always highly fearful at their core.
    They are always bullying to compensate for something. They always find someone to pick on so they don't feel insecure themselves.
    Get a climbing wall etc, and the bullies will never climb it.
    Tough facade is always around a ball of fear.
    The only way a bully stops is if the person being bullied is resilient and stands up for themselves. My 4yr old was being picked on. We gave her some stand up for yourself tools. I saw her get right in the little bullies face and yell "stop it, I don't like it". Kid almost imploded. Doesn't go anywhere near her now. Her back off face is awesome!
    Need to work out what that looks like with your child. Work a plan with the school…but the child needs to "drive it". Just let them know the bully is acting up from a place of fear. They are actually scared of you, they just act out to hide it.

    • Shape on 10/04/2025 - 13:50
      -1

      This is a myth, just as with the whole 'nerds win in the end' cope. Beautiful people are on average also more intelligent and successful. It's usually the weak, ugly, dopey runts that get picked on by bullies.

      I bullied kids because it was fun. I guess if you analyze it, you could say I was anxious to impress my peers who joined in and bonded with me over it, but really the motivation was in making myself and other people around me laugh. I stopped bullying not too long after not because I overcome any fears, but because I mentally matured as part of puberty.

      Different kids have different reasons. Some have anger issues from bad homes. Others just want to fit in and climb the social ladder. A few are simply antisocial or impulsive.

      Bullying doesn't have to be pinned down and castigated as something evil, it's a part of our social relations that is inbuilt genetically. If your kid is getting bullied, there's probably something wrong with your kid that needs to be fixed, because what it probably means is that your kid is low - perhaps the lowest - in the social pecking order. Address it because it carries on into adulthood. There's always going to be winners and losers though, that's life.

      • tunzafun001 on 10/04/2025 - 16:15

        For sure..survival of the fittest…
        For some reason we think us humans are above that.. we aren't..

        I was a sporty kid. Didn't get involved with the "Coolio's". The school 'druggy" once stuffed plasticine in my mouth in an arts class for laughs. I just instinctively snapped, through him on the floor, stuffed a handful of plaster in his gob and belted the $hit out of him. Didn't know I was doing it till it was done. In reflection, I couldn't believe how weak he was. Two other of them had a crack at me at lunch. Again, surprised how weak they really were. Went to town on em. Funny enough they would still tease me as Skitzo from them on. But I didn't care. When I was at the same park after school…they ran off..haha. They didn't have an audience. I recon they would all now be on the link or probably dead. Thats life. I'm sure their background life was $hit, and the only pleasure they got was acting like they were in charge.

        So yeah, survival of the fittest. Definitely school yard fights etc. We are pack animals determining the dominant male. Just like a pride of lions. I always let a fight have a bit of resolution before braking it up. They need to know who the stronger one is, or it will escalate again. No one who just had their @ss kicked goes back for more. Have a chat at the end. Your first hurts..your head hurts. What else did you gain? Quite often they become friends after that.

        Sadly, it falls apart when these days the young lion has all the rights over the dominant lion..hence society is going down the toilet….but anyway.

        Again, I've spent 20+ years dealing with bullying, fights etc..

        Out of interest. Do you sky dive, tried bunji jumping, wakeboarding, scuba diving enjoy that sort of thing? Happily sit out in the surf to catch a wave? Or avoid the water because it's full of sharks?

        We got a climbing wall and the school bully wouldn't even go to the third step of a ladder to even start the wall. Yet kids were scared stiff of this kid, and she would belt anyone at random. Wasn't fit, or athletic in any way. 90% of the kids could take her in a fight in a heat beat..but never did. I think the way we bring up kids has a lot to do with that. The stronger kids just don't know how to process it.

        Always found the bully was very anxious/ fearful at their core. Needed to be validated. Needed to be accepted. Massive fear of rejection. Wasn't really personal to anyone. Just a "I feel better/ safer when I show I have power over whoever". Its fear driven.
        Which is the same as 99% of racism. Unvalidated fear.

        But if that bullied individual can show the bully they will get no validation from picking on them, then it normally ends with a heap of epic threats and then goes away Don't need a violent response (it will work if you can do it, but not required), just be firm.
        If a teacher gets involved, it just shows weakness. The kid can't even help themselves. Drives it further/ makes it worse.

        You want a bully to stop. Make it happen. Take comfort in my experience they are ultimately scared.

  • Pusdi on 09/04/2025 - 22:57

    As civilized as humans think we are, those primal instincts that evolved over millions of years still control all of us to some degree, and in particular, immature, hormone fuelled adolescents. Nobody wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order.

  • Kiro on 10/04/2025 - 07:47

    sorry to hear this, its heart breaking to see a loved one go through this with little to no way you can stop it.

    i would 100% call or walk into the office and discuss this matter with the Principal, as they manage the school, with a matter of urgency, start noting or screen shotting all things over social etc and identify the culperite(s).

    dont do anything drastic as you can land in big trouble.

    support support and support, get your kid out of the rut in the mean time by keeping his spirits up, doing fun things etc.

    i cant stand social media, coupled with the wrong attitude, kids can get very nasty and bitter to one another and breed bullying without any control.

  • blah88 on 10/04/2025 - 09:53

    I say leave the group and pick up a martial arts. Highschool friends comes and goes. Find a new and more welcoming group. I hope he recovers and find good friends.

  • Hunk on 10/04/2025 - 12:09
    +2

    Corner the bully. Bully the shit out of him.
    These dumb ahoes need to be disciplined.
    You already reported and no action taken, so it's time for action.

    • lilyesp on 12/04/2025 - 07:47

      Most likely hes dealing with his/her own issues. Perhaps their parents are abusive to them…never know

      • Hunk on 14/04/2025 - 09:36

        That does not give him the right or excuse to bully someone else.
        He should be dealt as soon as possible. Spare others the horror.

  • Ti-au on 10/04/2025 - 13:01
    +2

    I was a small kid all through school, and then in the last 3 years of school basically grew an extra foot (so now 6'2).
    Obviously because I was small I was bullied pretty constantly.
    The most important thing is for your kid to remember that its only 3/4 years of bullying (year 7/8/9/10) and then it all ends. If someone had told me that it would of been a lot better.

    The fact its gone physical, I would report it to the school, but you have to expect it won't bring much relief. Just make sure they don't have to sit next to their bullies in the classroom as their grades will suffer.

  • mshanann on 10/04/2025 - 14:33

    Team sports (with kids from outside of school, smaller teams though - e.g. basketball), indoor rock climbing (for strength and easy to see progress), and learn guitar (social currency in later years - may help with the ladies).

  • RainbowChad on 10/04/2025 - 15:22

    Tell your son that he shouldn't be afraid to fight back and that you'd be on his side if he does.

    • lilyesp on 12/04/2025 - 07:46

      What if the parent is a bully too

  • Porker on 10/04/2025 - 15:37

    The aspect of self-confidence development is indeed good. Martial arts is one means and can, as others have said, be useful as a form of self defense. However, this is also on assumption that the bullying is physical.

    Even if your son were to demonstrate his competence at self defense, if the bully is determined then they would/could change their means. Eg. Sabotage aspects of your sons items, during my time at school I did see the bully urinate in the victim's school bag, there's bullying by exclusion, teasing and the list goes on and on. These are things that can't be responded to with martial arts.

    The aspect of this 'bully' joining the son's group at a later stage is sadly unavoidable, and the response from his primary school friends may also provide an indication on if they're good friends or not. Are they simply friends of convenience or do they really enjoy each others friendship? As others have also suggested, expanding your sons friendship group may also reduce the reliance on the primary school group.

    There's lots of layers and no doubt much more to it than any response here can provide and that you may know.

  • cerealJay on 10/04/2025 - 17:18
    +1

    Wear a t-shirt that says "Stop Bullying Me". When the Principle demands that you wear the uniform, reply with "sure, as soon as the bullying stops".

  • India pale ale on 10/04/2025 - 19:09

    From school
    To university
    To office
    I have seen bullies
    They have been and will always be a part of our lives
    Learning to fight or give an answer to that bully will never serve the purpose, that person will leave you and pick another one.

    My approach has been to just stay away, accept that fool
    Use your anger in a constructive way by doing well in studies, that will be a nice revenge
    One bully doesn’t mean the other 98 are bad
    Just start looking.
    I tell my year 7 child, about the stories about the bully who has become a loser and an unsuccessful person in real life and profession.
    Be supportive and don’t just have a feeling that your child has some issues that’s why he/she is picked up upon
    Because you yourself are making him less confident
    Just tell him
    He is the best
    Do well son
    Stay out of trouble and troublemakers

  • Sammy Boi on 10/04/2025 - 20:06
    +1

    Self defence is the only solution in this world. I grew up in the 90s and it's a rough world when you're different to everyone else and there will become a point where he needs to physically defend himself

  • Gongxifachai on 11/04/2025 - 10:18

    Find another school - if the school isn't doing anything then why are you still there?
    I am myself divided on martial art - if your son accidentally overdo it, it will be his fault and all of a sudden has alot of answering to do.
    Did anyone witness the slapping? If so, call the police?

  • nobro25 on 11/04/2025 - 10:32

    Stand your ground and use buzz words like Skibidi,W,L,no cap, bruzz…etc Say… Gonna cry?!?! I missed the part where that's my problem.

  • Kikkoman56 on 11/04/2025 - 17:16
    +1

    When I was in high school I remember this kid from another school would give me shit for what I initially thought was no reason.
    We lived down the road from each other but I went to a private school and he went to a state school.
    He assumed because I went to that school that I was well off… and I don't remember exactly what he said but his insults revolved around 'privilege' and the like.

    I'm not a very confrontational person so the first couple of times I just tried to ignore him, but was still mad about it.
    The next time he tried, I responded back roughly along the lines of:
    'mate what the hell I'm not rich, I'm one of the most broke kids in the school, look at my beat ass nokia held together with tape, my uniform is massively oversized to let me 'grow into them', my shoes even have holes in them'
    He was taken aback but laughed and changed his attitude toward me after that.
    He never bothered me again and any time I saw him around he would nod at me respectfully or smile.
    I'm no psychologist but I'd like to think people don't act out for no reason whatsoever.

    I know this is likely the exception rather than the norm, but at the end of the day these bullies are still kids.
    They're dealing with their own issues clearly, and while responding with violence is an easy way out, there can be other options.
    I'm not saying it's you or your kids responsibility to fix other people's issues, but violence begets violence and one day those kids will grow up into adults.
    Each individuals' choice determines collectively the kind of society we live in, and I'd hope we live in one with both consequence for ill-actions at the same time as compassion.

  • realaaa on 11/04/2025 - 21:54
    +1

    yeah definitely I'd just show up and school and confront the principal face to face, these sort of thing they must have a good plan for - in this day and age !

    probably a good idea also to get in touch with bully boy parents, they should be working together with you, as it's their problem too, if not more than yours

    also, could be unpopular opinion, but I wouldn't tell a boy not to resort to physical response - boys will be boys man, this shit happens, and if it's 1-1 then why not, it's part of growing up as a boy. Of course do tell him that it's important not to start it, but if someone crosses the line..

  • gentlekoala5906 on 12/04/2025 - 03:13

    As Cartman would say "kick him in the nuts!"

  • lilyesp on 12/04/2025 - 07:43

    I like the idea of the muay thai or karate
    But it depend on the severity if the bullying
    If mild then yes
    But if moderate severe bashings etc then yes get prinicpal or police even involved..sometimes change in schools

    All the best

  • pygar on 12/04/2025 - 08:01

    Bullys get a lot worse when their target is passive and stays quite about it.

    One open altercation in the middle of the school, with a lot of teachers around to stop it will likely end the bullying because it has consequences for the bully.

    your kid does not need to win the fight, but he needs to try to fight and make a big stink out of it every time. Frankly, its worth it in the long run, even if he gets in trouble himself.

  • Dreamcast on 12/04/2025 - 13:04
    -1

    Punch on. Seriously.

    Needs to tell the kid to back away. The moment the kid hits him, tell your son to start a swinging. Win or lose, he needs to stand up for himself.

    Basically, words don't mean shit. The moment the kid touches him, fight back.

  • HenryTCab on 12/04/2025 - 14:48

    I'm really sorry to hear that your son is dealing with bullying. Sadly, it’s something that can happen at any stage of life, even into adulthood. It’s important for him to learn how to stand up for himself, and the best foundation for that is building confidence. I highly recommend enrolling him in martial arts, not just to build physical strength, but mental resilience as well. A good martial arts gym will have a positive environment with supportive people, and it could give him role models to look up to. Over time, the discipline of showing up, training, and improving can significantly boost confidence. The goal isn’t to fight back aggressively, but to be calm and self assured in knowing he can protect himself if needed. From my experience training in jiujitsu, Muay Thai, and boxing, I suggest starting with jiujitsu. It’s lower-impact compared to striking sports and teaches control and how to stay calm under pressure. Boxing is the easiest to start but involves more risk of head contact. Jiujitsu, on the other hand, helps develop comfort in tough situations, which is incredibly valuable. Would I ever suggest that he resort to violence? Definitely not. But the reality is, bullies often target those they perceive as easy to intimidate. When someone is confident, physically fit, and trained, that presence alone can deter trouble. It’s similar to how larger or more imposing individuals rarely get harassed in public - it’s not about aggression, it’s about how you carry yourself. I

  • squall3031 on 13/04/2025 - 16:29

    Hire a big muscular man and ask him to pick up your kid after school and let them bullies see.

  • Muppet Detector on 15/04/2025 - 21:45

    Fan of learning self defence but that's not a short term solution.

    Has anyone apart from brendan offered OP any short term solutions?

    The kid is getting bullied now. It's gonna take years before he has the martial arts skills to adequately defend himself.

  • Nidzdotnet on 17/04/2025 - 10:58

    Schools have a duty of care while on their premises. If they fail to act then they can be liable for assualt. It's rare that a school won't act on these kinds of allogations.

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