I Maybe Did Something Morally Wrong Today, Can I Get Some Opinions?

themightyboost on 03/02/2017 - 19:05
Last edited 06/02/2017 - 23:11

Hi OzBargain,

Odd story but I haven't been this clueless before about whether I'm in the wrong or not. I'll feel better if a whole gaggle of strangers tell me I'm in the wrong so at least I'll know.

I was the victim of a car accident a while ago. I was crossing a road with the green man flashing and a driver (young girl on her p's) hit me with her car at a fair bit of speed. I spent the night in hospital and was supposedly pretty lucky to have gotten out with as few injuries as I did, let alone with my life. I THINK she got done for reckless driving or something like that, not too sure as I never saw her again.

Since then though, I've always had a shocking back. It gives me grief all the time and stops me enjoying various activities I used to love. I missed a fair bit of work after the accident too (physical stuff in a warehouse) which was unfortunately unpaid as I was a casual. Thankfully there is the TAC who has been paying most of my physio bills since then which is a great safety net. After a bad relapse recently, I've realised that this bad back is probably going to be with me for life.

That was a pretty shitty realisation, which prompted me to write a letter to that girl who hit me. This is the part where maybe it was a bad decision. I had her address from the police so I dropped it off today and left my number inside. I explained my situation and kind of asked her for an apology (I used the word closure cause that's what I'm after), and also that it would be nice if she would pay for my initial doctors visit and the taxi ride back from the hospital that night which came out of my pocket.
I absolutely do not need the money, I just thought that perhaps that seemed like a way to make it right if you will, or sort of a attempt to amend. Not hearing a "sorry" always felt wrong to me, especially since she tried to add me on facebook after the accident.

Fast forward to now and I am getting a lot of abusive texts from her angry mother (who must have read the letter), threatening to call the police.

Am I being a psycho creeper? There's no way I'm going back there or trying to contact her again but I'm not too sure if the girl read my letter or just the mum did. If the mum keeps sending texts I might respond and tell her to simmer down, getting a bit hard to resist at the moment. Anyway, please let me know below so that I can sleep tonight either knowing that I'm a monster or just a little bit of a jerk.

Thank you for reading and have a ripper weekend

EDIT: A lot of thought provoking responses here, thank you everyone for reading and sharing. I've been told to "sue her" a lot in the past but didn't realise that meant it came out of CTP insurance (I have no clue about that kind of stuff). I'm going to make sure with a new physio that it's possible for a full recovery before I do anything that impacts on my life even further - I am not in a wheelchair or unable to do things myself or anything like that so fingers crossed on that.
Teeny and possibly slimy bit of self defence: I did not make this a case to chase down "a little girl", she would be at least 21 (or what I'd consider an adult) and I'm a few years older. If it was an L plater this would be an entirely different scenario and would be horrendous.

FINAL EDIT: After seeing a new physio, I am much more optimistic about my back recovery (although it will require a lot of work!) so thanks again for all your suggestions and concerns. I am at peace with my actions, not proud but also not apologetic.
In the end I (<keyword right there) had an issue with the fact that a complete stranger did not handle a particular situation in a way that I thought was morally appropriate. Which ironically was exactly their issue with my behaviour.
Human behaviour, what's up with that????

Not to dilute the tone of this post, but Larry David if you're reading this; you have my permission to turn this into an episode of Curb. bom-bom-bommmmmmmmmmm

Poll Options

  • 86
    you're the bad guy
  • 308
    what you did was okay
  • 171
    unsure, grey area
Health & Beauty

Comments

  • TheLittleGuy on 04/02/2017 - 09:02

    OP you should definitely pursue compensation. As other users have alluded to, your health and condition may deteriorate later and it may help you getting the closure that you so desperately seek. Please do not look at the situation as 'ruining their lives'. I assure you their lives will not be ruined, perhaps slightly to majorly affected, but not ruined. As I understand it, a part of the rego goes towards the TAC compensation schemes, that you may very well be entitled to. Please seek competent legal advice, from the major 'no-win-no-fee' firms. You may then be able to make an informed decision as to whether pursuing compensation for your particular circumstances will be fruitful.

  • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 11:43
    +15

    Dude - get a compensation lawyer. You got injured, lost wages and are suffering permanent injury. That is what compensation is for.

  • PopCounty on 04/02/2017 - 13:58
    -1

    It's emotions that's drawing you being so subtle. To retaliate?Nah, but to see what's right vs wrong.

    You did ur part to contact her. Bad decision. You want or don't want to sue her; possibly could be dependent on 'What was written' in the letter. Only you can TRULY know.

    If everything as you said is right, think for a moment that you drove the car and Hit the girl. Don't you think her MOM gonna sue you EVEN AFTER YOU DID APOLOGIES. Only you know. But hey mate, its you who gonna make decision.

  • DarwinBoy on 04/02/2017 - 14:42
    +4

    That mum sounds like an idiot. My mother would of made sure I apologised and did more if I hit some one and I moved out of home 20 years ago.

  • dylan345 on 04/02/2017 - 14:42
    +1

    The legal system has your back, talk to some easy going lawyers for the 3rd party insurance that will cover your medical bills also mention that you request a formal apology as you feel like a victim. Avoid the common lawyers in my option they are heartless and will take as much as they can without caring about ether party.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:08
      +4

      The legal system has your back,

      Well I hope he gets it back.

      pun in response to a pun

      punception

  • jenkemjunkie on 04/02/2017 - 14:46
    +6

    You really should engage a lawyer. But you won't. You'd rather run the risk of your back getting worse and becoming destitute because you are afraid of confrontation or ruining 'someone else's life. It won't.

    CTP and Victims of crime levies are some examples on how restitution can be made if the respondent can't pay

    Edit: I stuffed my back up. 2 slipped discs. Your accident sounded worse than mine. You're pretty optimistic if you think you can go back to a warehouse job with ease. Once your back is stuffed nothing much you can do but preventative measures

    • FatBlanket on 04/02/2017 - 16:21
      +17

      I remember when I was on my p plates. Don't remember running over any pedestrians though. Showing compassion to those who do others harm is a Christian thing isn't it? Seems the sort of nonsense that could only be religious.

      • dazweeja on 04/02/2017 - 23:01
        +5

        I remember when a guy on P plates wrote off my car last year. No apology, no remorse. Just immediately started pressuring me to say his dad was driving his car. I can tell you with 100% certainly that this guy did not care one bit about how his actions affected me. People like that are called 'teenagers'.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:12

          Just immediately started pressuring me to say his dad was driving his car.

          I hope you didn't…

      • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:11
        +4

        I remember when I was on my p plates. Don't remember running over any pedestrians though. Showing compassion to those who do others harm is a Christian thing isn't it? Seems the sort of nonsense that could only be religious.

        I nominate this comment for Comment of The Year 2017.

      • eskylidder on 05/02/2017 - 12:05

        What's religion got to do with the price of fish?

    • tomsco on 06/02/2017 - 09:19

      remember when you were on your P plates?

      More specifically she is on green p plates. So not only should she have had 120 hours driving with an experienced driver, but also a year on red P plates.

      She has no excuse for running a red light and hitting someone.

    • Pornboy69er on 08/02/2017 - 09:49

      I'm currently on my green P plates. If I come over to your city and run you or your kids over and leave them permanently with a bad back that will prevent them from something simple everyday things, will you forgive me and say "oh i remember when I was on my green Ps. Yeah, it's fine mate. No harm done buddy."

  • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 15:10
    +3

    You made it personal. It wasn't. You should pursue this back pain through official channels, TAC/Insurance/Courts. You shouldn't emotionally blackmail a young girl (which might not have been a conscious thought when you sent the letter, but deep down you knew what you were doing). I think what you did isn't the end of the world, but you it certainly wasn't the right thing to do. That being said, if you have chronic pain, you really need to follow this up, it's going to get worse, not better, and you need to be sufficiently remunerated for the ongoing costs (as they wont be small).

    • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 16:41
      +2

      You made it personal. It wasn't.

      That is quite a simple, elegant and good way of putting it.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:16

      You shouldn't emotionally blackmail a young girl

      How about a young boy?

      Or an adult man?

      ¬_¬

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:48
      +3

      You made it personal.

      How?

      The girl is the specific individual responsible for the OP's injury. You and others here seem to be making out that this was an unfortunate incident for both parties. It was unfortunate for the OP, but the girl was reckless and irresponsible.

      • [Deactivated] on 05/02/2017 - 00:03
        +1

        It wasn't like the driver was targeting the OP, so it wasn't personal per se. It was an unfortunate incident, and yes the driver was also reckless and driving dangerously, and should be responsible for covering damages for and suffering by the OP.

        The OP made it 'personal' by contacting the driver about the accident without the mediation of a legal representative, doctor, insurance, etc. I think that's where the OP could've made a better choice that would've created a safer and better outcome for himself. Acting on a whim isn't the smartest option, is it?

        I personally don't know how this sort of stuff is handled - whether matters like this are taken to court and the victim has the opportunity to explain how their life has been permanently and severely impacted by the driver (and TO the driver), or whether insurance handles it all and both parties never communicate directly, or whatever. You'd hope it is something along the lines of the former, so there is a qualitative consideration when compensation is determined - as well as the formal opportunity for the driver to apologise and/or express their side of the story (let's face it, she doesn't HAVE to apologise.. she could be a brainless, self-centred idiot who doesn't see fault in what they did and refuses to say sorry).

        But yeah. I don't really think the OP should've communicated directly to the other party without seeking legal advice first. It was an accident involving someone else who did something tremendously stupid and dangerous. Getting personal with someone like that just doesn't seem wise.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 05/02/2017 - 00:26
          +5

          It wasn't like the driver was targeting the OP, so it wasn't personal per se.

          No, and the OP didn't make it out to be that way.

          The OP made it 'personal' by contacting the driver about the accident without the mediation of a legal representative, doctor, insurance, etc.

          You're conflating the concepts of a "personal" argument and contacting someone personally.

          The OP has every right to contact the perpetrator personally and is under no obligation to use a mediator.

          I think that's where the OP could've made a better choice that would've created a safer and better outcome for himself.

          If the OP had the resources to handle the situation themselves, they could've affected a more efficient and meaningful outcome by personally communicating with the perpetrator. A professional mediator would likely be more alarming to the perpetrator and that may be incongruous with the goals of the OP. However, they should've used a throwaway SIM and disposable contact details…

          Acting on a whim isn't the smartest option, is it?

          No, but what makes you think the OP did?

          The incident seems to have occurred a while ago, and from the OP:

          @themightyboost:

          I spent so long deliberating on whether to send that letter today,

           

          I personally don't know how this sort of stuff is handled

          There isn't a legal mandate for compensation cases to be handled in any specific way. Individuals are free to negotiate amongst themselves.

          whether matters like this are taken to court and the victim has the opportunity to explain how their life has been permanently and severely impacted by the driver

          They can be; that's called a Victim Impact Statement.

        • [Deactivated] on 06/02/2017 - 12:18

          @Scrooge McDuck: Whatever! Your post sucks!

      • canyoudoitcheaper on 08/02/2017 - 00:04

        Agreed. She's not the one who was hit by a car and had to stay in hospital. The mother has a lot of nerve to start playing the victim, instead of focusing on the issue at hand which is her daughter's poor driving skills and lack of responsibility.

  • m0nkeycheese on 04/02/2017 - 15:53

    Sue her 3rd party insurance thats what its for. Nothing will happen to her

  • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 16:42
    +6

    If this was a hollywood/bollywood movie you would've married her already.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/02/2017 - 23:17
      +1

      Have you seen Back to The Future?

      • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:46
        -1

        Hi scrooge,
        I see you around OzB a lot and have to know (off topic):
        What do you think of the new ducktales reboot (artistically at least)?

        And: should I download ducktales remastered if I've never played the original?

        p.s To y'all "shippers" between myself and the driver, I already have a super cool missus (not to brag, just putting that in words in case she reads this) and it's not very attractive chasing a girl who has run you down with a car…. at all.

  • clubberlang on 04/02/2017 - 16:55
    -2

    The girl's mother probably knows what effect this has had on her daughter growing up, perhaps even ongoing and then in their eyes you track down their address (they probably don't know how you got it) and want to guilt trip the young chick or angle for compensation.

    I don't know what you were hoping to achieve but surely you can see why the girl's mother is acting this way?

    • themightyboost on 06/02/2017 - 23:46

      So I made sure to list my full name, address and mobile number in the letter I wrote, just in case they had lost my details (which were provided to the girl at the scene of the accident also… I think… otherwise how would she have found me on facebook?)
      It's literally two streets down from where I live, I'm sure they would have recognised my address too. I don't know, the mother was very defensive of her daughter (as a parent should be) but at what point does responsibility transfer from the "child" to the adult? I don't think I've been too critical of the mother for doing what a parent probably should do for their child, but if I have been I apologise

  • clement1986 on 04/02/2017 - 16:58
    -1

    This has been forwarded to the Department of Immigration and Border Protections for deportation evaluation.

    Kidding mate, get on with your life, let go.

    • themightyboost on 06/02/2017 - 23:39

      I read this while scoffing a vegemite sanga and shed a tear made of VB as I enjoy my last few days in Straya country

  • batman1987 on 04/02/2017 - 17:10
    +4

    You sound like a nice guy, so here's my 2 cents.

    1) It really was pointless to send her the letter in het mailbox.

    2) I would sue her for compensation on the grounds that her recklessness has caused potentially permanent bodily harm and severe mental distress that's affected your personal and professional relationships.

    3) Never ever think negative that you are stuck with the pain you're whole life. Stsy strong and positive. Do lots of physiotherapy to strengthen your back muscles - that's probably your best bet to have a nornal life again. Also see if you can get a desk job.

    I don't want to sound rude, but seriously, grow a pair and get her to pay you compensation - she needs to learn a lesson.

    • wtigers on 06/02/2017 - 01:53
      -1

      This dude has 0 balls… hahah who still writes letters

  • mr_alligator on 04/02/2017 - 18:04

    TAC is also supposed to cover for lost wages and income assistance. Look in to it and see if you can make a claim for that, in addition to the physio sessions.

  • Tech5 on 04/02/2017 - 19:03
    +2

    I think it is a perfectly natural and understandable thought to want someone to know that they hurt you. You're not perfect, not a saint. I'm not either.

  • eggles01 on 04/02/2017 - 19:51

    if you have to the police report/s and if found in your favor see a solicitor to see what they think,there are a lot around offering free 20/30 minutes on your first visit to them they will tell you how you stand,there is also a payment from victim compensation if it still around, the court of petty sessions, the law society and maybe legal aid may give you information you may need over the phone best of luck

  • alikazi on 04/02/2017 - 20:08
    +10

    Why didn't you sue her in the first place? You should have gotten a no win no fee lawyer and pursued compensation. I got hit by a car just like you but I was not injured enough to go to hospital. Still I couldn't use the keyboard properly for at least a month and I am a programmer. I am always typing. When the guy hit me I asked him to drop me at a pharmacy so I can at least get dressing material. On the way I noticed how unapologetic this guy was and he was joking with his girlfriend about hitting me. I asked him to pay $30 for the medicines he offered me $10.

    At that point I took all his details and sued him. There is no other way I was going to get closure from being hit by a rude person like that. The case is still on going. I really don't care how much I will get most likely I will not get more than $800 but for me it's not about the money it's about doing SOMETHING in return.

    If you still can, sue her. Her mom will shut the hell up.

  • diddy50 on 04/02/2017 - 20:23
    +1

    It's strange the mother replied not the woman who caused the incident. She is an adult, why the frack is her mum messaging you?!

    You did an ok thing. Especially if you didn't receive a letter of apology from her already.

    You could ignore her mum or just respond with the same sorts thing to her. But shortened.

  • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 20:30
    +2

    Sue them before they sue you for intimidation or whatever their lawyer is going to come up with.

    Do not contact them again and save all the txts and the logs of missed calls from the mother.

  • ronnknee on 04/02/2017 - 21:32
    +1

    The story didn't end the way I thought it would. You definitely shouldn't have bothered asking for an apology. You should definitely sue for damages ie. lower quality of life for the rest of your life. Her CTP will cover you.

  • foreveraloan on 04/02/2017 - 21:41
    +8

    long time lurker, rarely a commenter. i logged in just to tell you that i don't see anything wrong with what you did. there is nothing harassing about sending one letter (assuming the tone was appropriate) asking for an apology and compensation for those medical expenses that she caused you to incur.

    additionally, as a few others have highlighted, i don't think this is something you should be so ready to cop willingly. if we assume for a second you now have an ongoing condition which came as a result of her negligent driving, this is going to affect you for life — possibly in ways you can't anticipate right now (think risk of worsening injury, rising insurance premiums, etc). as others have pointed out, there are limitation periods for claims like this, so you should consider your options seriously and consider them now.

    lastly, if you're worried about your morality, i would say that you're probably a better person than most of the penny-pinchers here who would have commenced proceedings against her the moment they had finished scouring ozbargain for deals on lawyers. you may not want to ruin her life, and she may not have wanted to hit anyone, but she did, and if she was driving negligently and you suffered harm from that, any reasonable person would tell you you're entitled to seek compensation. the fact that the state has already punished her does nothing to help you; it has nothing to do with you, and it should not deter you from seeking what you are owed.

    just my 15 cents, OP.

  • [Deactivated] on 04/02/2017 - 21:52
    +1

    Don't feel too bad. You were the one hit by a car.
    Given the fact that you only wrote them a letter and weren't abusive (from how you portray the situation here ;) I would say that their feels are quite frankly, pretty damn insignificant given the situation.

    The facts are
    1. Reckless driver
    2. Broke the law
    3. Negatively changed your life, possibly for ever

    Accidents happen, sure, but if you hit a pedestrian who has a green walking arrow either the driver is
    - reckless A.F not looking at the intersection
    - running a light

    It's not like in a car collision when both parties are potentially moving rapidly, in each other's blind spots or obscured by other cars/traffic.
    One is moving fast, one is moving damn slow

    A letter, like a victim impact statement, can bring you closure I suppose. And you've done that now. Sadly it hasn't really brought you a positive outcome.

    I would just ignore the mother.
    Seek legal assistance - you don't want to be stuck on the DSP if you can avoid it.

  • benderz on 04/02/2017 - 21:58
    +3

    She doesnt get the right to play the victim when she hit and caused you an injury which you will have for the rest of your life.

    If they mother sends another threatening text, send one back saying you will report her to the police for harassment. I am sure that is the end you will hear from her.

  • Starcraftmazter on 04/02/2017 - 22:15
    +2

    There's certainly nothing morally wrong with what you did, however it was definitely naive and improper.

    If you are seeking monetary compensation, you should immediately sue per in a small claims court. This would not be a criminal suit - but a civil one. You do not need a lawyer, and the bar for proving your case is much lower (not that it will be hard, just the police report which stipulates it's her fault would be fine). There is literally no reason to personally ask someone for compensation and it is pretty much always a bad idea. There is a reason the legal system exists.

    Talking to someone directly may always backfire - as it has in this case. This depends on the person. Maybe she has an angry mother like here, maybe she has a very aggressive overprotective boyfriend, maybe she has a psychopath father. It's just not a good idea to try this route. Once again, the legal system exists for a reason.

    If I were you, I would immediately block her mother's number on your phone, and do not message her. If anyone else from her side ever messages you, immediately ignore the SMS, and block their number, never respond. There is no reason to get emotional here, just block all relevant numbers, never read their messages.

    If you are after an apology/closure, then this is probably the hardest thing to do, and the one thing which can not be offered to you by the legal system. I feel like you just want to vent a bit (nothing wrong with that), and with the purpose of making the girl understand what she has done, and the consequences it has had on you. If you do take her to court, then you will get an opportunity to make a statement. You can prepare one, and read out everything that you have gone through, and all the effects - however minor or major, it has had on her life. She will be forced to at least listen and acknowledge, and you are also free to request an apology (although the court obviously cannot enforce this). I feel like this your best option.

    Courts are not very scary - and again, I stress this would be a civil matter, not a criminal one, which means police would not be involved (unless she refuses her summon to the court).

    • FirstNameLastName on 04/02/2017 - 22:37
      +2

      small claims court would be an inappropriate first port of call imo.. low maximum payout.

      better to go to a no-win-no-fee law firm immediately.
      unsure of how to pick a good one.. forums/word of mouth perhaps..
      a firm where the lawyer isn't struggling with paper being jammed in tray 2 perhaps (al la dennis denuto)

  • Incrediho on 04/02/2017 - 22:23
    +3

    I'm curious if those who say he was in the wrong would have the same reaction if the driver were a guy.

    • FirstNameLastName on 04/02/2017 - 23:02

      The OP sounds genuine, but I wonder if he would have sent this letter if the driver was a bikey.. or a guy even?

      I don't know, maybe this girl has had some stalker situation from a man similar to op, and her mum is reacting off that.

      • syousef on 05/02/2017 - 10:29

        More likely mum is trying to protect daughter who she is afraid will be sued.

        • gromit on 06/02/2017 - 09:44

          unlikely, being sued is a non issue if she is insured, which she would be if the vehicle is registered. contacting her was definitely the wrong thing to do, ESPECIALLY asking for money, at best it is emotional blackmail of a young girl who probably already feels awful and he just made her revive those feelings, any parent would be pissed at such a thing. He should only make contact through the proper channels as others have suggested, insurance exists for a reason, the girl won't be out of pocket and won't even need to be involved beyond maybe having to provide a statement as to what happened (probably already done for police anyway).

  • FirstNameLastName on 04/02/2017 - 22:52
    +1

    OP: Immediately call a law firm that does no-win-no-fee and make an appointment. Ask about the statute of limitations.. basically the clock is ticking, and you only have a limited amount of time to seek compensation. Don't worry, the driver etc won't 'be sued' rather her ctp insurer's lawyers will mediate a settlement with yours. yours will then take a shocking % (negotiate this before signing retainer).. and then you'll at least have some $$ to help you out.

    i got wiped out on my pushy by an elderly lady on her way to church. when cops interviewed me they said she was distraught, I told them to let her know it's ok, the insurance will see me thru recovery.. that we all make mistakes.

    yeah I got some cash but 7 years later I still have tiny bits of bitumen coming out of my lip causing pain/swelling.. elbows is screwed… so I don't feel guilty for the compo claim.. I'd rather give it back and have my original teeth/lip/elbow.

    • FirstNameLastName on 04/02/2017 - 22:55
      +1

      (p.s start making a daily pain scale/issue/medications diary today.. lawyers sometimes provide this or just buy one)

      • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:00
        +1

        Oh damn I hope you're okay in the end and can keep doing some fun elbow things (tennis? is that the only one?)
        You should not feel guilty for a compo claim, I apologise if I made it seem like anything cowardly. Many people rightfully deserve it and need it

        • FirstNameLastName on 07/02/2017 - 13:23

          yeah it's all good.. looking forward to when I'm old and can tell a change in weather is coming from the ache ha

  • DiscoJango on 04/02/2017 - 23:02
    -4

    op is a weird unit…

    • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:03
      +1

      the weirdest, first letter I'd wrote in 15 years (you'd struggle to read the handwriting)

  • aussieprepper on 04/02/2017 - 23:23
    -6

    Is she hot?

  • joelmuzz on 05/02/2017 - 01:45
    -2

    You are being a stalker.
    TAC takes on the liability, your fight for more is with them.

    • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:08

      It's not about the money for me, but yeah - my whole issue was the perception of 'overstepping boundaries' and where those certain boundaries are for certain people.
      i.e is it worse to seek an apology than to not offer one in the first place? That was the crux of my question

      • gromit on 07/02/2017 - 08:04

        seeking an apology "maybe" but this should all be through proper channels, seeking an apology with attached story of financial losses directly was unquestionably well over the boundary. You have proper avenues to make such a request and the mothers reaction to you I think is actually about what I would have expected. 2 wrongs don't make a right, use the correct channels.

  • KLoNe on 05/02/2017 - 08:43

    This is pretty much exactly the story of 'Don't Breathe' the movie.

  • Hirolol on 05/02/2017 - 09:24
    +1

    So what will you do?
    Can you keep us updated?
    Cheers!

    • themightyboost on 06/02/2017 - 23:56

      Hi Hiro I updated a general edit on the front page for visibility, I hope this thread and its responses have been interesting or caused you to think differently about some situations, as it has for me

  • MessyG on 05/02/2017 - 09:29
    +1

    I can understand your reasoning behind it, it sounds like you're feeling pretty down about it all and wanted some closure. And I don't even think it was morally wrong to drop a letter, just mistaken in the avenue you chose to contact her - through the police would have been better.

    But you know what, you do need closure. You went through a terrible accident and have been left with an injury. The way you were before the accident and the way you are now probably feel like completely different people, and that wasn't your choice. And trying to resolve this on your own, as you've just seen, isn't going to work because you're not objective in this situation (and nor should you be!) and recovering from this both mentally and physically is going to take a bit of help. It's a unique situation. I urge you to get onto http://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/Default.aspx? and find a psychologist in your area to get some assistance in processing this horrible event. You can get 6 sessions for free if you get a mental health care plan done by your GP, or possibly through the TAC as well. You sound really lost and you deserve to feel better and move on from this and I can tell you now that a perfect-world apology, and payment for what happened probably wont happen, and even if it does, may not give you the closure you really need. But you can get closure even without an apology, it will just take a few sessions with an objective and empathetic individual who gets it and will give you validation and framing of the situation.

  • fruit on 05/02/2017 - 09:29
    -3

    Talk to a lawyer for compensation or stfu.

  • jpee on 05/02/2017 - 09:35
    +1

    Thanks for sharing Op, I feel that the combination of physical and now emotional trauma (not able to do various activities you love) has definitely impacted on you negatively - stating the obvious I know. But stay with me. The only way I see to set your self free of it. (First emotional and then work on the physical) is to forgive her. Giving compassion will set you free. You are doing it for YOU. It allows you to move on from the situation. She obviously never intended to hit you. A lapse in judgement. Some times our mistakes have a small impact , dropping a pen = having to pick it up. Other times they have a larger impact = injuring someone else. I am NOT saying she shouldn't have accountability for her actions. She will more than likely remember that for the rest of her life. It will potentially impact on future choices she makes.
    This could actually be the best thing that happens to you but you might not be able to see it until a few months or years.
    Good luck OP

    • themightyboost on 06/02/2017 - 23:53

      Thank you jpee. I am certain she will at least drive with slightly more caution now, so that in a weird way is beneficial to everyone

  • syousef on 05/02/2017 - 10:32

    Did you know that an admission of guilt can put you in big trouble with your insurer? Saying sorry likely exposes her to all kinds of legal liability. What you did was misguided. In a better world you would have to face the person who you injured and say sorry - it would be part of the legal process - but this isn't that world.

    Contacting her directly was a bad move.

  • DingoBilly on 05/02/2017 - 10:34
    +1

    Without being there and fully understanding what you've said, she's said, her mother's text and your exact letter, it's hard to say whether what you did was right or not.

    Maybe you did need the closure genuinely, and she hadn't given it to you. Is that on you for needing it and not being able to move on? Should you have asked earlier? Should she just say sorry and leave it at that? Is she at fault for not being nicer/more apologetic earlier?

    Was your letter written in a negative way, or in a compassionate, nice way? etc. etc.

    Too many variables to count and understand without being you in that situation. Evidently you felt the need to post it, so I think you did what you thought was the morally right thing to do by yourself. And so I think it's good you did that. Ultimately you can't let others sway your opinion, some will see it as wrong, some as right, but you need to do right by yourself.

    Also, as others have said, you're likely quite able to and should receive compensation from her, which should be covered by third party insurance so no skin off her back really (i.e., you're not going to bankrupt her). Something you should definitely look into if this is going to be a lifelong issue for you.

    • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:17

      Hi Phil, I definitely want to agree with you that it entirely is based on how the letter is worded. I intentionally did not choose threatening or even powerful language (I thought I was very nice about it, using greetings and many well wishes with suggestions not demands) but I would love your opinion in particular on the timing.
      I won't lie, quite some time has passed. I had a bad relapse this last week, and as I was searching for my TAC details to book a new physio I came across this girls address which I guess prompted the letter to her by dumb luck.
      Is time really an issue? I feel this is a better question than the one I posed initially. Does her ignorance/bliss for any amount of time excuse her from the consequences of her actions?
      Thanks for your comment

      • DingoBilly on 07/02/2017 - 11:08

        I think once again it's about doing what's best for you. Ideally, you'd follow up as soon as you know, or when you feel it's right for you to do so. For some people though, that can take many months, if not years. I come from a psychological background and some people will follow up on things from years ago.

        Maybe it does hurt the other person, or maybe it's poorly timed for that other person in their life. But it's about what's best for you, and in your case it sounded like you needed this closure. Of course, in some situations, you also need to deal with the fact that perhaps that person will react badly, and won't give you the closure you need, which makes it a lot more difficult and may apply here. In that case, it does become a matter of learning to let go, which is a skill you have to learn.

        In terms of time, it's a difficult grey area. I think there is a point where that person shouldn't live with the guilt of their actions and needs to let it go in order to move on with their life. That doesn't mean they should pretend it was ok it happened, or that they shouldn't regret it, but they do need to let go to live healthily.

        Similarly, you also need to let go of it at some point and realise you may well have a life-long condition, and will need to accept that and move on. I'm not saying it's an easy task, and I've had many years of therapy myself so I can attest to that, but it's the only way you'll be able to live an effective and fulfilling life rather than holding on to it. I am thinking more in the sense of if this happened 10 years ago though, rather than if it happened 6 months, or even 1-2 years ago, as those you'd still expect the person to just be coming to grips with their condition.

  • sintro on 05/02/2017 - 10:46

    Right Vs Wrong and Morality, simply and accurately explained here:
    Mark Passio - Natural Law Seminar - New Haven, CT - Part 2 of 3

    • FirstNameLastName on 05/02/2017 - 11:24
      +1

      the link starts the vid at approx 2h47min.. listened for a couple of mins before it got to right and wrong.. and how he was a satanic priest.. don't know if this could really be described as a 'simple' explanation.. and accuracy kinda links with simplicity imo.

      anyway.. kinda interested to hear more so may start from the beginning when i have time.

      • sintro on 05/02/2017 - 18:20

        Yes. It'll be best to start from the beginning.

        Eye opening, life changing presentation.

  • [Deactivated] on 05/02/2017 - 11:19

    you will get some serious compensation from CTP for this.
    You've been through serious stress, trauma and you are physically impaired.

    Depression is extremely common after accidents like this and can impact your life significantly too.
    Go and talk to some injury lawyers.
    They'll take a cut, but negotiate that first with the lawyers once they agree to take your case (which they will).

    Don't worry about the girl she won't have to pay anything or do much.
    It's public compensation.

  • enzioFirenze on 05/02/2017 - 11:56

    mate, I say sue her, there's nothing morally wrong with that! especially if her mum abuses you!

  • cst on 05/02/2017 - 13:35

    I think writing the letter makes you human. Being in an accident and suffering from ongoing constant pain is very traumatic. May I suggest you talk to your doctor about attending a pain management clinic, or a psychologist, so you can learn how to live with the pain, and the trauma of the accident.
    I wish you all the best.

  • Davo1111 on 05/02/2017 - 14:01

    Bring up your trauma issues through the correct channels, not through the other family.

    Given the way the mother has acted, they're probably a scumbag family.

    I don't think you should have done it, I don't think they should have acted that way either.

  • nikey2k27 on 05/02/2017 - 14:29
    +1

    Sue her TP came you live with it now. lost of income.

  • TheAviator on 05/02/2017 - 14:56

    I don't see how what you did was wrong. Definitely make sure her or her insurance pays your expenses and loss of income.

  • CrushJelly on 05/02/2017 - 15:09

    Wtf.
    If you have injuries as a result of a motor vehicle accident, and you were a pedestrian, you are covered under CTP.
    Don't communicate directly with the person, go to a lawyer.

  • SpotTheOzzie on 05/02/2017 - 15:36
    +3

    Your expectations to receive an emotional response from someone whether justified, wrong or right, or simply politically correct is seriously misplaced.

    This is everyday human behaviour; A boss who treats his employees like their just another number, that girl who lead on a guy for his money, and now the random stranger who didn't reach out to see if you're ok.

    This is a huge test of character for you, much greater a challenge than most people have to face but we all face it at some degree. You have to deal with the fact that there are people who do not carry the same empathy as your own and you'll not reach the closure you think you need. Letting your blood boil or losing sleep is one response. Another response is to do as much as you can to rectify the issue; continue your therapy, sue the person for your losses, etc.

    Good luck.

    • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:27
      +2

      I think this response is the most concise and appropriate summary in this topic. Some people throw rubbish on the streets with no regard for who has to pick it up, and that doesn't make them a monster - it makes them human.
      I am not better than them by assuming "moral superiority", nor are they better/worse for moving on with their lives.

  • Steven Reece Lewis on 05/02/2017 - 15:53
    +1

    Definitely sue! Your back is jeopardised for life which means so are you employment prospects!

  • Serapis on 05/02/2017 - 16:21

    No lol, if it was me I would go back and sue her.

    Consult a lawyer and see if statute of limitations has expired or not. If she didn't have insurance then wreck her. Aim right between the eyes.

  • Shwayne on 05/02/2017 - 17:03
    -2

    She was already done for what she did leave her alone, your lack of compensation is a matter of concern though.

    I feel like that is something you should discuss with a lawyer/solicitor, as I have no idea what you are entitled to.

    Do not expect a "sorry", you didn't know each other beforehand and you still don't.

  • [Deactivated] on 05/02/2017 - 17:12
    -1

    Honestly, the passive aggressive letter is a little pathetic, it's pure spite. You indirectly admit this yourself with how you word things. The options you had were either put up with the back pain and hope it goes away or contact a lawyer and see what your legal options are. The spiteful middle ground you went with wasn't really a valid option for your situation.

  • Bullion78 on 05/02/2017 - 18:16
    +2

    Was she hot?

    • aussieprepper on 06/02/2017 - 00:01

      Lol this is a serious question. Maybe he (op) thought he could chat her up. Or make her feel sorry for him and get some extra action. Who knows!

    • wtigers on 06/02/2017 - 01:59

      Bloke should ask her for roots, for a whole year… if she is hot

      • tomsco on 06/02/2017 - 09:17

        Then she'll claim he put his back out while having sex, not from the accident.

  • Tikk48 on 05/02/2017 - 19:15

    The whole situation is sad. She may have been reckless driver or having some problem at the time it does not matter. She would have received appropriate punishment by police.
    On the other hand you have a bad back and you are emotionally scarred.That is the reason you are writing her after so long.
    Unfortunately the course you have taken is wrong.

    Instead you should contact a,Solicitor and all your communication should be through him.

    You are genuinely entitled to appropriate compensation and apology but if you do not take right action of going the legal way you get nothing.

    So if you get both and justice that is right course of action and if you are getting no compensation no apology because you did not take right course of action it will be your fault.
    In future every time you get any back pain or emotion issue you will regret not taking proper action.

    This will be for life.
    So do the right thing contact a legal person and enjoy your life otherwise I have no sympathy for you as it is your own doing

    Wish you good recovery and happy life.
    Cheers

  • FirstNameLastName on 05/02/2017 - 22:00

    A 9 year old girl lost control of an UZI 9mm at a gun range and killed the instructor. His children sent a vid/letter to the 9yo saying 'it's a tragedy but hey, it's cool, don't blame yourself'. I wonder how the poor 9yo processed them reaching out to her. (only in the good ole US of A)

    http://abcnews.go.com/US/children-uzi-shooting-victim-charle…

    • themightyboost on 07/02/2017 - 00:29

      Holy shit (why give guns to a 9 yr/old???)

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