My significant other is complaining that she doesn't have enough weekly spending money. This weekly spending money does not include bills/fuel/food/mortgage/car or anything like that, it's spare cash she can use for any purpose she wants. What do you think is a fair weekly amount?
Adult Pocket Money - How Much Is Enough?
[Deactivated] on 05/03/2017 - 13:28
Comments
"Pocket money" sounds pretty patronising when discussing an adults disposable income.
If she already has her own money why is she asking for yours? Is that what is happening? Sounds like you'd end up creating a power imbalance and resentment in the relationship if she is earning and spending her own disposable income and then also spending some of yours too.
Economics 101 states it's the intersection of money required to keep her happy so you're happy too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
:-P(This is very much a joke comment ofcourse)
Such a loaded question. I would first ask my partner to temporarily pay for all his/her personal spending only on a credit card. After a month or more, analyize the result and sit with them (and without a hint of being judgemental) go through anything that is unknown. Once a pattern is established, see if there can be any way of arriving at a reasonable weekly budget that you are both happy with taking the household combined income/expenses into consideration. This way the path to take, will be become very clear.
^^ Agreed completely
As a spender with an exasperated husband, I get the frustration but I don't think pocket money is going to work. Needs/wants change from week to week and a one size fits all approach like a set amount of spending money per week will probably cause pain and frustration for all. The thing that has helped me not spend the most is having tangible goals and a joint credit card. If you have a mortgage/other commitments together then you should really know what she spends her money on, you're a team and you need transparency within that team. I'd spend a lot more if my husband didn't see the credit card statement and make fun of me each month (in a nice way), and when I want something big, (like aircon for the greenhouse we currently live in) we come up with a goal to get to in the offset account. It doesn't stop my spending, but watching the numbers go up certainly slows it down. Joint credit card is good too because of the points.
It might also be helpful to examine her reasons for spending? I'm a shocker if I've had a bad day at work or I'm not in a good headspace for other reasons, it might worth exploring that too.
My wife and I have two separate accounts (under our joint profile log in), where we allocate $150 per month each for miscellaneous and here's the key, all > unbudgeted < items… this would include things like haircuts, lunch/dinner with friends (if the other partner isn't present, if both of us are present than it will just come out of our weekly eat out budget), books, magazine subscriptions, massages, new phones, a new shirt or a pair of new shoes etc..
I think it is working great, feels like it runs out between the 3rd and 4th week of each month so means we have to be disciplined and space and plan our purchases out (just like a normal monthly salary).
For example, last month my wife bought a fitbit (fitness watch) with her 'stash' as we call it… I am interested in getting an Apple watch eventually, so I have been saving $75 of my stash each month to roll it over and after 6 months or so I'll be able to, if I still want it).
We never question each others purchases from this account, even if we might think it's stupid or a waste of money. In the future, we plan to increase it to $200 a month and eventually add haircuts to the main budget so that will free up haircut $$ from our private stash.
In saying all of that, we are quite frugal and stick to our budgets strictly. We tithe 11% of our pre-tax salary to our church and we are close to settling on our 3rd investment property (1 Sydney, 2 Brisbane).
It all depends on your priorities in life, obviously to us $250 a week for personal spend / pocket money is ridiculous and out of the question, but if you've decided to enjoy life and it fits into your overall budget/future goals, then go for it.
This is going to be downvoted:
If she wants more money she should look for a promotion so she can contribute more and have her spending money
Okay I'll bite knowing I'll get downvoted too.
Women do lions share of unpaid domestic duties. Assuming she does and assuming she earns less but works the same hours which I'll also assume is the status quo in this country, then perhaps we should calculate the cost of a cleaner and cook per hour and add that to her take home salary?
You could then argue that both of us are being overly simplistic about it ;)
Women do not work the same number of hours as men. They have less total and less full-time employment. Your assumption is (conveniently) wrong, and in no way the status quo.
"Full-time employed men have, over the past 32 years, worked higher hours than full-time employed women. In July 2010, full-time men worked 41.0 hours compared with 35.8 hours for full-time women. On average between February 1978 and July 2010, full-time men worked 4.1 hours more than full-time women." ABS
Btw I don't know why you're getting down voted, so here is one up-vote.
@doodo477:
Feminists love false assumptions and hate facts :)MissG: assumption X unlikely assumption X false assumption = prescripted feminist outcome QED
Frugal Rock, you are not particularly good at comprehension, are you?
MissG said that 'Women do lions share of unpaid domestic duties'. You cited a statistic about paid employment.
MissG is claiming that you need to adjust the woman's income for the unremunerated work she does in the house.
@vetopower:
Yeah. Why would being 'paid(earns) less' be an assumption if it was already stated as 'unpaid'? The paragraph even ends with adding to 'take home salary'. The good old take home salary of unpaid work. 'Same hours' as who? She stated women do the lion's share. The hours would not be the same. It's standard pay gap moaning and you are particularly good at chewing it.@Frugal Rock: Let's make it very simple for you.
The man works 41 hours per week at his paid job and works 5 hours per week doing unpaid domestic duties.
The woman works 35.8 hours per week at her paid job and works 15 hours per week doing unpaid domestic duties.
The woman is doing 10 hours per week more unpaid work than the man.
MissG is saying we should assign a monetary value to those 10 hours at the market rate of what it would cost to hire someone to do those domestic duties. That is a completely fair assignment to make.
@Frugal Rock: And I should add, here are the statistics on unpaid work by sex:
'While women were assuming a greater role in the workplace, they did not compensate by reducing work around the home. Women spent around the same amount of time on household work (which includes caring for children as well as domestic activities and shopping) in 2006 (an average of 33 hours and 45 minutes a week) as they had in 1992.
Over the same period, men took on more household work. Between 1992 and 2006, the average time men spent on household work rose by an hour and 25 minutes to 18 hours and 20 minutes a week. The time men spent in paid work remained steady at an average of around 31 hours and 50 minutes a week.'
Source: http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/[email protected]/Lookup/4102.0Main+Fe…
@vetopower:
Nice backflip and late comprehension when you realised that existing paid work was being spoken about. You still haven't said why earning less would be an assumption if it was in the context of unpaid work. You can take to the bank that men and women are paid exactly the same amount for unpaid work :p@Frugal Rock: MissG's suggestion was perfectly clear: 'perhaps we should calculate the cost of a cleaner and cook per hour and add that to her take home salary'. That's what I was defending the entire time.
@Frugal Rock: ~33 hours - ~18 hours = ~15 hours * $30 (approximate market value of domestic help) = $450 per week = $23,400 per year
Yes but if there's a bump in the night, who goes to investigate.
I suggest putting a monetary value on men's unpaid domestic readiness to answer the door late at night, deal with dangerous bins early in the morning, shepherd spiders outside, and pick up crushed cockroaches. You girls have no idea the sacrifices we make.
@vetopower:
You really don't understand the meaning of 'unpaid'. You should look it up in a dictionary. There is no pay gap for unpaid work, but thanks for the lol.@Frugal Rock: Haha, you crack me up. The whole point of this exercise is to assign a monetary value to the woman's unpaid labour.
I reiterate my earlier question: you are not particularly good at comprehension, are you?
@vetopower:
No. WT's comment said nothing of that. MissG answered (hijacked) with a hypothetical semi-hypothetical lie/feminist rant involving the addition of paid work and home duties. I disproved her paid work pay gap assumptions with statistics. You came in not realising that the two were to be combined, backflipped when you realised paid work pay gap moaning was a central portion of MissG's comment and now smokescreen to deflect.@Frugal Rock: Let me outline the debate for you because you are struggling to follow.
WT suggests that the woman look for a promotion at work if she wants more money.
MissG suggests that, before a woman is asked to seek a promotion at work, we should assign a monetary value to the woman's unpaid labour and add that to the calculation of the value she brings to the house hold: 'perhaps we should calculate the cost of a cleaner and cook per hour and add that to her take home salary'.
The reason MissG made this suggestion, which you appear not to comprehend, is as follows. Say a person has 15 hours per day in which they can work (the other hours are needed for sleeping, eating, recreation etc).
If the man works 13 hours per day in his paid employment and 2 hours per day completing unpaid work and then the woman works 10 hours per day in her paid employment and 5 hours per day completing unpaid work, the woman is limited in her ability to obtain a promotion. A man can offer a full 3 hours per day more to his employer, so it is natural that he can take on a higher position that requires more hours.
MissG is making the sensible suggestion that we should account for that difference.
What, precisely, is your objection to this suggestion?
Those stats are now nearly 7 years old. Maybe the most recent ones aren't out yet? Going back 32 years - to the 1980's - was when my mother worked - only part time mind you as she asked my father if it was OK if she worked to bring in some more disposable income so that they could buy new furniture and nick nacks for the home and he agreed to letting her work part time,… "so long as the other house hold chores get done," were his words! So you are talking about stats for working paid work outside of the home - which are easy to collect as they relate to earnings. A lot of women work part time because they juggle child rearing; the need to return to a professional job and stay relevant; and the incapacity of their partner to earn enough or indeed get a promotion or earn anymore overtime to support the mortgage and buy food and pay for cars. Frugal Rock your stats are flawed and we all know it…. Please do more research on current day situations.
"assuming she does and assuming she earns less but works the same hours which I'll also assume is the status quo in this country,"
Only that assumption is wrong. i think thats what frugal rock was getting at. in frugal rocks first post they said its 'an assumption and an unlikely one and a false one'. (you can argue all you like about the unlikely assumption but frugal rock has shown the last assumption to be false and certainly false is the same context as assuming women do more unpaid domestic work if ypu assume one based on average you cant assume the opposite to the others average)"Maybe the most recent ones aren't out yet?"
I love your work. Those rascally STATUS QUOS, always changing. I think I need an SMS alert service for the latest trending status quo updates.
PS Nice anecdote, by the way. This is a gender studies, arts faculty topic, I admit, so 'When in Rome'.
This is 2017. Men are stepping up. I work shift work and my wife is in retail. She works physically harder than I do being on her feet all day. I'm lucky to have time at home so I do the cooking, cleaning and laundry which I enjoy doing. One thing that suprises me is that she actually has time to spend money.
I don't see why how much she earns is even relevant. He decided to marry her, maybe income potential wasn't the top of his list in requirements for a spouse.
Thanks Joe Hockey.
It's a balancing act …
Happy home vs financial health, are you saving for anything significant?
Maybe ask that she send you a message every time she's spending over 50$ to get an idea of her spending …
If it's lots of 6$ coffees, then buy her a coffee pod machine for work :)
We tried the recommended joint account, each others paycheck going into the single account. Didn't work out as she had some odd spending habits.
Now we have each our own account and contribute 50/50 for all bills into a single joint account.
at least the essentials are covered off, maybe lead by example, save some of your left over and start buying yourself some cool toys, when she grumbles about it, show her how saving instead of spending leads to bigger and better toys!
I agree with you on theory and leading by example. I did attempt to do such a thing but it only raises jealously and contempt in the relationship. That is why mostly for the splitting of the accounts as I no longer have go into a discussion and argument over $50. Also when $2,000 goes missing from the account because of
going outwith the girls. Just a realization that some people are not good with money.
My wife and I (try) and live by the 60-20-20 rule (as advised by the Barefoot investor).
As a percentage of your pooled income:
60% on living costs (mortgage/rent, bills, food, insurance, transportation, etc)
20% into a savings account
20% to spend as you wish.If 60% of you income doesn't cover your costs, then reduce the amount equally of what you spend and what you save.
Who earns what should not come into the discussion.Great suggestion - I recommend OP getting your wife to read that book, it really changed the way I thought about money.
We each get $50/week, I'd love to have $250 haha
She has $250 already and that's not enough!? Does she have an addiction to spending money that is getting a bit out of control?
I mean what's next? If you give her some "pocket money" and suddenly that's not enough then what..Do you just keep giving her more and more?
Work out your bill total for the year, add 20% and break it down to your pay period.
Pay your mortgage at repayments for at least double current interest rates, unless you have a fixed mortgage and then put aside the equivalent.
Work out your food, fuel and other expenses add 10% and also break that down to your pay period.
If you have a car loan and can make additional repayments, make additional repayments.
Once you have reached this point you have covered all your costs of living and allowed for increases in interest, prices of goods etc.
Take 25% of what you have left and put it in a savings account.
Split the rest, irrespective of amount and let your partner spend as much of it as she wants. You can save part of your amount if you want.
If you can still afford $250 a week at this stage, then all I can say is well done. If you can afford $250 a week at this stage reducing the amount you take, that may be a wise choice if you don't need it and want to keep you partner happy.
But if you can't afford it, which most people couldn't, you need to sit down with your partner and have a serious conversation about budgeting.
i like money more than stuff,
This really needs to be decided in consultation with your wife.
You need to have a financial discussion about long term savings goals, and the discretionary spending which will get you there in an "acceptable" amount of time. Your existing $250 per person per week is $26000 a year in discretionary spending. This seems exorbitant to me, but it really needs to be put into perspective with your income, debts and saving goals. You may find that she'll be more interested in saving more if she can appreciate what shes saving for (early retirement, kids, fancy car, new house, whatever floats your boat).I'd really steer away from the term "pocket money" too, that's pretty condescending.
What do you think is a fair weekly amount?
After everything has been paid off, whatever is left, half goes in to our joint savings account, then the remaining half is split between my wife & I.
I have always struggled with weekly/monthly allocations of 'fun money'. Sometimes we will go months without buying anything 'fun' and then spend a few thousand in one hit on something awesome. We just decide as we go if we can afford it and if it is worth the expense.
My husband has a Lego collection and spends more on that than I do on clothes or grooming but it seems petty to me to get hung up on 'fairness'. We can afford the Lego so I don't see the point in depriving him of something he enjoys and I equally don't see a point in my raising my spending to match his for the sake of it because that would hurt us financially in the long term.
$123.76
Easy.
Half of all spare cash.Yours Sincerely,
Family Court.
$80000
Maybe sit down together and work out the finances/budgets? It might be that both of you can come to an agreement about where to cut costs?
Or she might realise that her spending money is actually a significant chunk of your incomes (or a fair amount as the case may be) and drop the request?
Interesting topic, I'll make sure to read through all replies later. We are in a similar situation with money put aside for everything else (except haircuts) and then some personal spendings to use for anything. I usually pay for things with my spendings on weekends as wife tends to be out of money.
We get:
$100 weekly
$100 monthly
$100 quarterly (wife only, for haircut).With kids/mortgage, there not much room for increasing our personal spendings. That said, we do add some extra money in our spendings when we get bonuses etc (and if my wife is "out" of money she tends to buy stuff anyway, but we are working on it!).
We do spend a ridiculous amount of money on groceries and takeaway and gifts etc, so we COULD increase our personal spendings if we tightened our other out of control expenses, but that's easier said than done.
$100 quarterly (wife only, for haircut).
How do you pay for your haircuts?
From my spendings. But mine are cheap so that's fine.
This is how my parents did things.
After all the bills and groceries, we put 50% into the joint savings account. 25% was spending money for the family. The other 25% was for our university fund (we studied overseas in US/UK).The other 25% was for our university fund (we studied overseas in US/UK).
Something doesn't add up here - even mid-tier universities overseas can cost 50k/year. So we're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars, since most degrees take years and you've implied that there's siblings involved … does that family really need to 'budget'?
My parents are well off, but very busy people. Yes, we did have to create budget and we all didn't go to university at the same time. 10 year age gap between oldest and youngest.
My parents are doctors.
I already figured that your parents were 'rich'. My question was, do they really need to 'budget'? Surely they would've saved enough money without the regime you described above.
Being a dual citizen has its perks. Managed to snag a scholarship, which helped too. The US universities are very close with their alumni.
I think I'm confusing the word 'budget'. We basically had a breakdown of all costs and we knew how much money was going where by utilising spreadsheets.
I think I'm confusing the word 'budget'.
Maybe. My point is that with the 50/25/25 split you described above, the family spending couldn't come close to the overseas education cost. There's a few possible explanations:
- The education cost exceeded the 25% budget and the shortfall was made up from the other pools
- The was plenty of money in the education poolIn either scenario, the 50/25/25 split was a meaningless exercise … hence the family didn't really need to 'budget'.
We put money aside every year. Even before we were born.
Does that make sense? The Americans would call it a college fund.We put money aside every year. Even before we were born.
Does that make sense?Did the college fund meet/exceed/fall short of the required amount? Most likely it exceeded or fell short. Hence it was a pointless exercise.
Hence it was a pointless exercise
Probably a habit of successful people. Might have been pointless. Might not be.
You don't stay rich if you burn through your money recklessly.
My monthly allowance is 5% of what I earn per month. Seems fair.
I'm surprised how many people are against having personal spendings and how few actually answers to the question we've seen in this thread.
With mortgage and kids etc, having a budget is essential. It's impossible to just wing it and be able to keep track on how things are going unless you are both very frugal and never buy anything except the bare essentials. The total amount of money you have will go up and down pending on when you get paid and when your bills are deducted (not to mention irregular purchases etc).
The logical thing is to go though what your combined income is and make a budget as detailed as possible to see how much money got are actually saving. You then try and split this as appropriate between savings for bigger purchased and misc costs against personal spendings on fluff. We set up automatic payments for all of this.
It doesn't mean that you are controlling, or that you are a child, it just means that you have some common sense. No one benefits from spending more money than your can afford and as mentioned it can be very hard to tell where that number sits sometimes. It's not like the budget is written in stone either, if it's not working you re-balance the problematic parts.
We have at the moment a single income, baby and rent which is probably equivalent to a lot of people's mortgages (over $2000/month).
A detailed budget doesn't work for us at all because our expenses fluctuate enormously. All my friends seem to be born in the one month for example so that month will have a high restaurant spend, another month I may want to buy some furniture or clothing or have medical expenses and some months I'll just be tired and happy to live cheaply at home. Even things like groceries we can spend anywhere from $30 to $120 per week depending on what we've run out of or what is on sale.
What we do do is on the first of every month collate the balances of all our accounts and debts (only debt we have are credit cards paid off before interest) together to see how we went and how we are tracking for the year. I use this knowledge when weighing up if a purchase is worthwhile or not.
we have a mortgage (well a few), kids and no budget. we buy what we want when we want and no one would consider us frugal. we just arent stupid (in that we have an awareness of what we earn and spend) and also make quite a lot which exceeds any of our wildest dreams when we were kids.
most people cant save in their everyday account as the temptation means they spend it but we only have one account and save in it all the time. people are different and broad 'rules' dont apply especially where money is concerned.
we only have one account and save in it all the time
Don't you get a crappy interest rate on transaction accounts? I guess you're probably using an offset account.
we have a mortgage (well a few), kids and no budget. we buy what we want when we want
I suspect you're a victim of the 'wealth effect' created by booming house prices.
Imagine how rich you'd actually be if you had a tight budget and paid off those mortgages as quickly as possible.
havent really seen major gains in house prices. we just upgrade and keep our old house. they are close to cash flow positive when we move on so why sell them? we have felt the wealth effect somewhat as our wages have steadily grown but thats no the same as our investments growing to create the false 'wealth effect'.
and yes our 1 account is an offset, keeping everything in it and using a cc maximises every cent we have to be working for us. we have no interest in holding to a tight budget, we tried eating cheaply when we built our previous house but after a week or two decided it wasnt worth it for such a small saving. we might be slightly richer but would be less happy. i like porterhouse steak instead of rump, i like buying lunches whenever i feel like it, variety and freshness is nice, i like going on holidays with our kids. we are young enough and make good money. i plan to enjoy the ride not just the destination :)
in saying that 'buying whatever we want' is tempered by not wanting everything. we dont smoke, drink much, gamble or have particularly expensive hobbies.
At the end of the day, if you are financially comfortable, give her whatever amount that keeps her happy. Saving a buck for a rainy day is not worth the hassle of a nagging wife.
My partner and I have the following in order for the past 2 years
This is all P/W
$100 on groceries
$100 each personal usageeating out once per week and if 1 uses more we deduct from that and keep an excel sheet keeping track of our spendings
to limit our total to $300 per week on a pretty average income.Great post PhilThis. Really appreciate your honesty. It's good to get a feel for what others are doing.
Do you or anyone else have any good spreadsheet ideas, or templates for this kind of data collection?
I have just read The Barefoot Investors book, and think there is some very practical advice on savings, pocket money and expense management.
seriously? spending money lol. my wife has no limits, however I am very lucky that she seriously never spends on anything (maybe once a yr on a big refresh - even then probably less than a 600). I don't think you should have limits. more just an understanding of expenses and what is kind of ok. some weeks she will spend nothing other weeks double.
good luck with this one.
for me and Partner.
After mortgages and everything we take $500 Each from bank in cash just to spend it on ourselves. No buying for others apart from birthdays. $500 just for ourselves.
A significant amount for your significant other… I think it's time to renegotiate the level and contribution of her significance.
50% of whats left of your combined income after the key expenditures ie food, bills, home loan, transport etc
The key is to have aligned goals regarding savings and general spending, and each give and take a little to settle on a happy medium between your spending habbits, and consult on big purchases.
In our case earn twice what my wife makes but that is irrelevant. we consider it all our joint money. Imo when you choose a partner/get married etc you should weigh up the person as a whole.
$0 allowance.
Buy only if you absolutely need it and make sure you do thorough online research on the quality of the product and the price . Also check on ozbargain, ebay and gumtree.
Save the money on something important like your kids.
Don't give it away to someone else who's going to use it to build their empire while you give the fruits of your labour all away.My partner and I usually have money set for bills and then the "Houses Money" which is our total left over money that we separate into sections, Savings/Spending then the Spending has a section of it's own of "The Houses Money" and "Spending Money" but it's never a set amount for "Spending Money" - If we go to dinner or see a movie or buy something for the house, it comes out of "The Houses Money" From the Spending section, If we see soemthing we individually want e.g Console Game $70 - I spend that amount and then she can spend $70 on whatever she wants so we spend the same amount ( only if there is enough money in the "Spending -> Spending Money" for both of us e.g ( $140 ) - Or if the other is ok with there being only $50 left that they can spend on whatever.
We may even allow any un-spent money to roll into the following week or fortnight as a type of savings but in the end it's all about compromise. We share our money, 1 bank account both have access to everything, we have 2 bank cards of each account and we each hold 1 and know the codes. As soon as you combine money, your life is alot more simple. You buy all the things you need first e.g Bills/Food/Petrol/Insurance etc and then split the remainder into Savings and Spending.
Zero limit. We both know what we have, what we can afford and what we have to pay.
An allowance is something you give to a child… not a wife :-(
Wow.
I've just read through these 3 pages of comments, and I'm actually quite shocked as to how many advocate a "mine vs theirs" mentality.
Each to their own, and if it works good luck to you all, but it's got to be equal… regardless of who earns what.
My partner and I work on the principle that provided each side is working as hard as they can, whatever they earn (higher or lower) is added together to the family pool. This principle has got us through when we were earning pretty much the same, and also when one was earning considerably more.
All money earned goes into the joint account. If one person happens to look after kids and household and not getting 'paid', then that's fine too.
But what is earned is equal. The lawyer and the house wife earn the same. You can't have equality if the lawyer is "giving an allowance" to the house wife.There's a house budget. Both parties are fully aware of what expenses come out and why. Kids, utilities, food etc.
Provided the budget is met, what's leftover is available to both parties. Communication and understanding the needs of the other party is what controls how much you spend.The idea of 'your money' and 'their money' in separate accounts is unworkable. When you're with someone what's yours is theirs and vice versa.
If someone is earning $100k but only working 15h a week, and the other is earning $50k but working 40h a week, then the $100k earner is bludging and not pulling their weight (regardless of the fact they earn more). When in a committed relationship, everything is combined… positives and negatives. It's not how much you earn, its how much you contribute. And it must be equal.
like the principal. this works based on honesty, respect and both parties play by the rules.
unfortunately there are two types of people in the world - giver and taker. for some takers, there are just never be enough.
take the lawyer's example, lawyer works 52 hours a week and takes home $200k. spouse works part time admin then decides not to work anymore after being retrenched and becomes a full time bludger. Besides dropping kid to school, bludger goes for coffee daily and shopping. One who believes "working" to the best of the ability and unhappy when lawyer has a few words on the situation. The whole thing blows out. Lawyer has everything halved with the bludger and loses out of the kid. Lawyer is broken. Bludger does not care, and continue to live with support till another honest giver comes.like the principle.
exactly, and well said. all this mine and your is such a destructive way to look at a relationship and most likely the reason for the relationship to fail. everyone works hard in their own way.
as commented previously we dont put limits on any spending. however we know what is reasonable. i earn double what my wife earns and im happy for her to spend double than i do (but she doesnt). this is how a relationship should work.So here's a question: What would you do if your partner without your knowledge applied for and received a credit card with a large limit (over $10,000), proceeded to max out the card, could not pay the money back and then decided to tell you?
lol my wife would never do that (we share a CC with a large limit - use it for business expenses as well), and if she did then i guess ill have to pony up. but she could always pay it back because we have the same bank account.
i understand where your coming from, but i think a round budget is nice but i think just respect for each other and not overspending is the way to go.
A credit limit, and it's OVER 9000?!
WOW, $250 a week to spend purely on herself AND still runs up a cc >10K!!!!!!????
Do you even see where this goes?? "oh lovely, we have new carpet/curtains/bed/whatever" or "Ohh look, a new garden setting we can enjoy a coffee at while discussing our future plans".Person CAN pay the money back but does not want to be grown up enough or take responsibility to do this.
Spending money is now chopped to $50 per week (so still able to have a coffee or lunch) and the rest goes to paying off the cc debt. I would maintain that until at least half of it is paid off and then maybe increase spending to $100 so there is a goal to aim for.
Yes this will take some time (~7 months for $6000 @ $200/wk) but it will help to get some level of awareness on how to be responsible.You just paying off the debt is not really helping and is only going to allow even more "uncontrolled" expenditure with out any need for other party to be responsible.
There is a limit to how "loving" you can be…. after that it becomes a case of "tough love"….. and the longer you leave it, the tougher it will need to be. And then there is potential for resentment to build on either side (or both).
To continue on as is will lead to financial destitution for both of you.
If you do decide to assist to pay off some or all of the debt then you should be fully aware what it is you are paying for.
A very cynical view from the outside is that you have a leech that will continue to suck as much money out as possible until you have to sell your house.
I guess it's one way to get more than $250/wk to spend.At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do or say that will force her to change. I am not her father. I am not abusive. I can tell her my opinion but she is an adult and will do what she wants. We are talking about money, not adultery or physical abuse or anything really bad. The sun is still shining and life is good.
@PhilThis:
was that a true case in terms of what has occurred to you? that is tuff if thats the case.
but yes money is only money and as long as your happy is the main thing. ppl with heaps of money are not always happy.
credit card in my name 25K limit, she has full access to the second card, she can go crazy I won't stop her but she never does
been like that for decades.but she is an adult and ….
should take responsibility of her debts which, in this case, she knowingly brought upon herself without involving you.
Hiding it and only coming to you once a lot of debt built up and wants you to bail her out.
How long did it take to built up a debt of >$10k?I am not saying there is abuse on your behalf, far from it.
There does however, appear to be a lot of "enabling" to allow this excessive spending to continue.
And it is excessive unless you have at least $500 spare cash every week to blow.We all would like to spend more than we do (I get $50/wk myself) … but we also need to know there are limits that if/when we cross then there are consequences. I am talking about having to restrict spending and repay here, nothing physical.
Do you want to get to the point where the only option is to be forced to sell you house for whatever someone will give you.
If that is in a "down" market, will there be enough to cover any mortgage plus the credit card debt?What happens if you don't pay the cc debt?
It may be a valuable lesson to her if you say "I will put $50/wk to this, the rest has to come from you"?
That way you are still helping but are not going to be a patsy to clean up her mess whilst she shirks all responsibility.It seems you want some ideas as you came here and asked the question so hope I (and others that have replied) have helped there.
Edited for spelling
Phil, in the case of the credit card… like money coming in, money going out is also shared- so the credit card debt is also yours.
However there is no way my partner would do such a thing. Very irresponsible and immature and shows a complete lack of respect to you. In my honest opinion there's a fundamental problem with the relationship. A true partnership works together.
Can I ask what was purchased with the $10,000 max out on the credit card?
If it was needed household items, then this could demonstrate that the budget (however generous at present) isn't enough.
But if it was on personal items or cash withdrawals with unknown purposes, then I would really start to consider whether you have any trust left in the relationship.I'm sorry to be so negative, but it really does sound like you are a) being taken advantage of, or b) your partner has major issues with financial constraint. Either way there's a fundamental problem with trust and open communication (ie she's hid the card and debt from you until maxed out).
If one made the poor decisions usually end up with worse outcomes and a lack of choices.
If I did marry such a partner I would deserve either A) pay back the sum B) Leave the partner.
Choice most likely depends my gender and on what society in general thinks my gender should do. You guys should know the answer.
@PhilThis: Sorry false dichotomy. Why is reducing expenditure abusive but taking money from a partner not abusive? Wait what.
250 a week seems a bit but I guess it depends on how much you both earn, I just averaged out the spending money we allocate to a shared pool for two weeks and it works out to 178PP/PW.
We do go over that from time to time but then there are weeks where the money builds up.
Ahh move on. She acts as if she/he is still single.
when you are an adult there is no such thing as pocket money or spending money, if you want money to buy something, go out and earn it.. i would dump her hoe ass lol
Any amount of your return on investments is reasonable spending money for luxury goods.
i never knew people live like this. how embarrassing. you are both adults not children.
I almost feel like you're overreacting.
Yeah, put more money (OP's money, that he probably saves) at the disposal of the woman with the spending problem. Great idea.
I feel like the above issue would generate just a bit of conflict.
It was obviously just a turn of phrase, calm down.
Luckily this isn't your relationship, so stop projecting.
Yeah, how dare OP try to have some financial responsibility for his own money, rather than have his wife just piss it away. Never mind the fact she already has and spends her own money, this is clearly abuse!!!!!!
Great call Sherlock. It's not as if that's already an established thing… albeit not relevant here.