[NSFW] Clarifying Commenting Guidelines to Respect LGBTI Members

Mod: There will be discussion here that may trigger some vulnerable people (as well as sexual comments). Please be aware.

As neil suggested, I'm making a thread to discuss clarifying commenting guidelines to be respectful towards LGBTI people (including fellow OzBargainers). I dislike that the onus has been placed on us to start this discussion but I'm biting the bullet to ensure it happens. I'm hoping moderators are pro-active in ensuring discussion remains civil.

My argument is that multiple comments in the EndingHiV bargain were found to be inappropriate, discriminatory or trolling and have now been unpublished for that reason. However there was significant lag time compared to clearer cut cases of rules violations (e.g. improper negative votes) which caused consternation for some commenters and suggests the guidelines could be improved.

There were multiple comments denigrating people who are trans, comparing them to identifying as animals or objects. There were jokes suggesting that ACON staff were diseased, queer people with HIV were to blame or were repulsive. Some of these comments are still visible and run counter to the aims of ACON. I am declining to quote or identify particular comments because that is besides the point of this thread. Furthermore, the mods have access to all the unpublished comments and I think it inappropriate for me to repost unpublished content.

I think the right idea would be for the mods to examine the unpublished comments which were found to be in violation of commenting guidelines and consider how the guidelines could be clarified to reduce confusion. Also, perhaps an emergency response (temporarily locking comments?) for future cases where there is a flood of inappropriate comments and controversy around the deal.


Mod:

OK, thanks for all the feedback. While this has been a difficult subject for some to discuss there have been some insightful comments. I don't think we're ever going to come to a consensus between what is inappropriate and what is not, however the key message is to be respectful in your comments.

What we will be doing:

  • For deals mentioned in the OP, which happens rarely but are problematic when moderators are not around on the weekend/middle of the night,

    • We will mark any comments that we are unsure of as "Removed pending investigation" or "Inappropriate pending investigation". So it may mean that many comments are removed from view until a moderator makes a decision or it is discussed and finalised.
    • In cases, that a moderator doesn't have time to do the above, we may hit the so called dumpster fire link. This will either just close comments or remove the deal. In the case of the deal mentioned, the OP ended getting quite upset at us and the community, the community was upset (both those in support of LBGTI, non support, + others), and the moderators were upset after receiving non-stop abuse. The charity, the one most affected by the deal, was actually quite OK and understanding.
  • Inappropriate comments served no warnings or bans and it seem there are a very small minority of users who continually make inappropriate comments. Warnings will now be given for the 1st 2 times, followed by bans.

  • Comments that will inflame a shitfest of comments will be removed as inflammatory.

So going forward as always, we ask that you be respectful in comments. We want a community that people can feel comfortable discussing deals or topics openly. And if you can't do that (and I'm referring to the 2 extreme opinions here), then maybe OzBargain is not for you.

closed Comments

        • +15

          nor are there sides

          Have to disagree, there are.
          There is one side that wants extra privileges and censorship created purely to serve LGBTQI+ interests.

          Every time these special interest groups have their way, we are getting further from an Australia that is equitable to everyone

        • +8

          @payton:

          There's little point to opening this can of worms.

          The fact of the matter is (and should be) that comments on this site that are aimed in a malicious fashion towards a person or a group of people is deemed as unacceptable. It's not constructive to try to bring up the perceived "agendas" of any group.

        • +4

          @payton:

          LGBTQI interests = gaining equality.

          Payton's interest = removing protections for minorities so that Australia can be equitable for everyone but minorities.

        • +1

          @mnermner:
          Nice try.
          Naturally, 'everyone' includes said minorities.

        • @payton: it doesn't if they're not protected. Naturally

        • +1

          @mnermner:
          They already are under current guidelines. Read neil's comments
          Also, you're the spokesperson for the LGBT community?

  • I'm on mobile, but my easiest example of inappropriate commenting is Scab's. They declared they were "a post-op transsexual named Scabby Arse" and a "trans-pigeon" the joke's entire being that trans people are fake and diseased. They also commented that we should be careful about licking envelopes as the workers at ACON probably had AIDS. That last one is still visible. These are just some of the worst of many comments made on the thread.

    • +3

      I would suggest don't take it personally. We are living in internet era and can't get emotional with keyboard warrior like me/you/scab/jv or anyone. Take it easy.

      • +4

        For you to say 'don't take it personally' in this context, demonstrates your ignorance of the history HIV/AIDs. Please please get on Wikipedia and have a read, or watch a doco or something.

        For just a tiny bit of the story - children in the 70s and 80s who had contracted HIV/AIDs from blood transfusions were kicked out of school and bashed and excluded from society because everyone believed they 'must have been gay'. They were refused healthcare. Most of them died. Please read about this before you say things like 'don't take it personally'.

    • Thanks for the example. Lets use the published example as everyone can see it:

      Link 2nd comment is the issue:

      • Commenter A: do we mail them back when we done (A joke as it's a single use product)
      • Commenter B: Yes, but I wouldn't suggest licking the envelope. (A joke seeming to point to not licking an envelope that may have bodily fluids on it)
      • Commenter C: www.ancestrydna.com (DNA joke referring to semen above)

      Your interpretation is that Commenter B was making a joke about HIV. Mine isn't (and perhaps others looking at the votes) especially with the comment underneath. I think this is probably alright.

      Others thoughts?

      • +4

        It's down to interpretation.

        The clearest and simplest interpretation is as you've described above.

        Nonbeliever93's interpretation is reading much more into a perceived subtle and malicious nuance, which I believe to be a stretch. My opinion only.

        Not everybody can interpret everything objectively, because we're inherently subjective creatures, but in this scenario I don't believe there was any maliciousness intended.

      • Fair, I misread that and retract it as an example.

        Could you also provide context on some of the other unpublished comments?

        • Having a look now. In terms of inappropriate, where the sexual comments got a bit graphic, they were deemed inappropriate:

          Inappropriate:

          The gloves are for fisting really loose arses… Y'know the ones that start off with the sausages and carrots then work their way up to bigger things.

          In otherwords a human puppet.

          Personal attack:

          The gay and homo community should have educated their children about this back in the 80's.
          Oh you can't have kids! A one generation wonder that need us to populate and pick up the tab for expensive medicines every time some losers want to start a fruit salad orgy and get off because they can't impress the girls.

          Trolling:

          Is becoming a trans African illegal refugee then winning a bravery award for most home invasions in Melbourne worth winning these days or should I stick to transgender PM of the year???

          Trolling, personal attacks garner a warning and further offenses temporary bans + warnings. Inappropriate comments just get removed (no penalty).

        • +6

          @neil:

          Hi Neil - I think my issue is that this comment, along with plenty of the ones I identified earlier, were only seen as inappropriate. The language of 'really loose arses', 'sausages', 'carrots', 'human puppets' shouldn't be inappropriate because it's graphic - it should be a personal attack on people who consensually participate in fisting, which is who this deal was targeted at. It's not a respectfully graphic mention of a sexual practice. In that sense, I'd think it deserves warnings / temporary bans.

          That's my overall gripe, I think - so many of these comments are really thinly veiled attacks, framed either intentionally or not as jokes, on the at-risk people this deal was meant to help.

        • +10

          They declared they were "a post-op transsexual named Scabby Arse" and a "trans-pigeon" the joke's entire being that trans people are fake and diseased.

          Nonsense, it was a joke about my name and the OP's.

          And the trans-pigeon bit I have no idea what it even means, nor where you got diseased from.

          You're lucky I'm on my mobile or I'd give you a serve for talking crap about me and misrepresenting what I said.

          Fair, I misread that and retract it as an example.

          Too late, you've offended me by misrepresenting what I said and I demand the mods delete this thread and place you in the penalty box.

          Scabs have rights too, even heterosexual ones.

        • @gannon:

          it should be a personal attack on people who consensually participate in fisting,

          So you are saying that it's offensive to those who enjoy fisting irregardless of a person's sexual preference (e.g. straight/gay)?

        • +3
          @gannon: The language of 'really loose arses', 'sausages', 'carrots', 'human puppets' shouldn't be inappropriate because it's graphic - it should be a personal attack on people who consensually participate in fisting

          I feel your applying your own prejudice when you read this. I was at a Christmas Eve bbq where a hero couple were discussing anal beads and fisting… The comments never named or belittled LGBTQ or what ever the acronym is

        • +1

          @neil: The context of this post was gay / trans people who participate in asexual activity using gloves, primarily fisting. It's an issue that is tied to a sexual orientation, because that's what the deal was, rather than being anyone who enjoys fisting.

        • @neil: FWIW I think most would agree with these examples. They're reasonable.

          Expressing a personal opinion on these matters though, such as a personal dislike towards this lifestyle or violence, should be OK though.

          Same same with verifiable stats on these issues. Statistics aren't 'hateful'.

      • +4

        are those jokes? if yes then not very good ones (not funny, and not offensive).

    • +2

      Wow, how'd you go from "don't lick envelopes" to "ACON workers have AIDS"? I think you're the one who's discriminating them.

  • +20

    Just turn all comments off on all posts this way we can make sure that not a single person from any where will be offended.

    • +3

      I say we turn off the ability to up or downvote on these posts, and just leave them as reportable if offensive (to begin with).

  • -6

    As nonbeliever93 has already said, Scab's incessant trolling was clearly designed to provoke and demean anyone offended.

    Some other examples:

    "WatchNerd on 06/01/2018 - 21:22
    What are the gloves for?

    replyvotesbookmarkreporthide

    +185 votes
    tightarse on 06/01/2018 - 21:23
    Gardening."

    This, and the associated comments, make fun of and stigmatise a sexual practice where HIV transmission can be especially risky amongst MSM - fisting. They are jokes, yes. But they make fun out of the people who are undertaking behaviour that the charity in question was trying to have people do safely. They make fisting a laughing stock, which is offensive for whom this offer was targeted at. This say: "what these people do is weird, so let's make fun of it."

    Next:

    "
    +1 vote
    pal on 06/01/2018 - 22:05
    They will get in touch with me shortly! What should I say?
    1- Sorry gender is not defined by chromosome.
    2- Sorry gender is fluid, changes in the evening.
    3- Sorry thightarse said to use imagination.
    4- Sorry it was discrimination, we are even now.
    5- Bikkies

    replyvotesbookmarkreporthide

    +14 votes
    FriendlyPhillip on 06/01/2018 - 22:11
    5- Monte Carlo's are my favourite bikkies."

    This exchange, and many follow-up comments, complete delegitimises and belittles trans identity. It makes light of concepts of trans identity and gender fluidity, saying they are a joke. Again, trans people are part of who this initiative was trying to support. This exchange also reveals, again, how the whole post was a game to see who could 'trick' ACON into getting the freebie. Would this have happened if the charity wasn't targeted at gay / trans people?

    "MrB on 08/01/2018 - 01:42
    "Anal sex causes micro-tears on the tissues of the rectal wall"

    Stop shoving things up there would help."

    That is pure homophobia, suggesting that anal sex is not something that can be safely practiced between consenting adults, and a historical callback to the anti-sodomy law years. The same commenter also later said "But if you continue to do it and get burned, you're not going to get much sympathy", which again is homophobic.

    "tooblue on 08/01/2018 - 01:04
    Now they are discriminating normal sexual orientation? Or they are discriminating LGBTI because they are more prone to be infected by STD?
    I am confused.

    BTW, from memory the LGBTI list should be way longer?

    replyvotesbookmarkreporthide

    JeeMan on 08/01/2018 - 01:19
    They want LGBTI… to be the new normal. It won't ever be. Ironic that they're giving HIV prevention to people who have the highest risk of HIV because of their own activities."

    This makes fun LGBTQI acronym and belittles those identities, especially by calling heterosexuals "normal", meaning that everyone who isn't is not. This is deeply offensive and inappropriate. The second comment backs it up, and seems to suggest HIV is a consequence of being gay.

    I don't want to give more space to Scab, but:

    "Scab on 08/01/2018 - 09:46
    Have some dignity.

    You pretty much lose all dignity when you wear condoms and gloves."

    Again belittles and demeans the community, safe sex and the entire premise of the 'deal'.

    As you can see from these comments, LGBTQI identity / safe-sex practices were thrown around, demeaned, used as punch lines. I have no doubt that plenty worse is said in many other places, but for these to be comments left on a) a public bargain site and b) on the 'deal' of a charity specifically targeting at-risk groups, is unsettling. With a little common respect there is plenty of scope to be observational and funny, without any groups being the target of jokes, and for an inclusive space focused on genuine deals.

    • +17

      They make fisting a laughing stock,

      How dare you accuse me of making fun of fisting! I take fisting very seriously.

      No but seriously, I made that comment 1 minute after it was posted, and at that time there was no mention of it being for at risk LBGTI only.
      So I wasn't making fun of a specific group at all.

      • The asking what the gloves for wasn't the issue… I think some people genuinely were curious and some people gave legitimate answers, too!

        It was the mocking tone of the responses from people who very clearly knew what they were for.

        • +5

          Who cares, discussing fisting on a bargain site is funny whether you partake in the activity or not.

        • +5

          @WatchNerd:

          I appear to have followed you into this room, but I think I will quickly leave again before I offend somebody.

          I have questions but I doubt I even want to know the answers..

        • +2

          @WatchNerd:

          I think that's where the issue lies - because I don't think it necessarily is. I care. And a lot people who commented on the post, either deemed inappropriate / warned / banned or self proclaimed trolls, weren't just being funny.

          I get the whole 'light-hearted banter on a bargain site', but we've just got to figure out how to do that respectfully for everyone. Hence the point of this thread.

        • +5

          Your insane…(not a personal attack I'm just struck with awe at your closed world view)
          Your examples are quite clearly just jokes made in relation to and only to those comments, just because it was in that thread does not instantly make it about the threads original topic. This is why they collapse things for off topic…

          Also

          This makes fun LGBTQI acronym and belittles those identities, especially by calling heterosexuals "normal", meaning that everyone who isn't is not.

          Is the major group/thing not the normal by simple reasoning. The largest group is the normal because it is the largest group :/

        • +5

          @Slippery Fish: Hi Slippery. You don't know anything about me, but I'll tell you a few things: I've worked in a number of low-socioeconomic communities in western Sydney and Melbourne, I've worked with a range of people from a large range of cultural / ethnic / religious / gender / sexuality backgrounds, I've worked in discrimination law within the legal profession. I promise you, I keep a really open mind to many perspectives, and am always willing to have my own challenged. My world view is not closed.

          I understand that some comments were made as jokes, but what I've trying to been getting people to consider is who is laughing (if anyone), and at whose expense. I understand the intention isn't always to belittle or demean through humour, but just as certain jokes about race that were acceptable 20 years ago are no longer, so too are jokes about sexuality and gender identity. We have to be willing to listen when people say they are hurt, and something isn't funny.

          Also, just because the majority of people do something does not make it 'normal' - that's a hugely damaging word for a young person who may sit outside of that to hear. If you are born with blonde hair in a family of all brunettes, does that mean you aren't normal? If you are the only Muslim family in a country town, does that mean you aren't normal? Do you think those people deserve to be told they aren't 'normal'? There is nothing abnormal or deficient or lesser about any of them, and neither are there LGBTQI people.

        • @gannon: I don't believe 1 aspect can define a person's normality.

          But if you want to play the game yes being the only Muslim in a small town would make you not the religious normal of your community… It's not bad or horrible, it's reality. It doesn't make them not a normal part of that community.

          Also not being the normal does not make them abnormal in the negitive context you propose. Just different and I'd rather be different, how (profanity) up are those normies :)

        • +1

          @gannon: Hi Gannon.

          I think you are putting too much emphasis on the use of the word "normal". These days, being "other than" normal just makes you interesting.

          I suffer from mental illness and am on a disability pension. I do not consider myself normal. I understand you will not equate LGBTQI with "illness", but what I mean is my life is not normal (ie. average, or rather median) for a person of my time of life in an Australian city.

          If people tell me to just "get over it" re depression and anxiety, or to "stop sponging off the tax payer" and just "get a job", it is distressing and disrespectful to say the least. But hopefully such comments on this website would be deleted because of the current generic commenting guidelines…

        • +2

          @papachris: I've seen 'just get over it' in regards to depression on this forum quite a bit and they've not been deleted.

          And judging from the divide in attitude between the commenters, you can really tell the difference between those experienced with the problems minority groups face, and those who aren't. Most of the 'snowflake' and 'white men are oppressed' comments come from a simple place of no knowledge of the history of these groups, or experience with them. It's very self-satisfying for them to post these comments, but they're not really useful in moving forward as a society. They're the same group who didn't understand why segregation was a bad thing, why women should be allowed to vote, etc etc. It's hard because you can't really tell someone on a forum why it's not okay to say "just get over it" or "can't you take a joke" when vilifying some group they know absolutely zero about, they really need to experience firsthand, or do some reading. The mods goal isn't really to do that, it's to set up some guidelines to protect people from them until they either learn more about these groups or learn why this isn't okay, preferably both.

    • It didn't even occur to me that the Gloves are for fisting, TIL. Never considered it to be an HIV risk

      • What are the gloves for?

      • Gardening."

      -

      This, and the associated comments, make fun of and stigmatise a sexual practice where HIV transmission can be especially risky amongst MSM - fisting. They are jokes, yes. But they make fun out of the people who are undertaking behaviour that the charity in question was trying to have people do safely. They make fisting a laughing stock, which is offensive for whom this offer was targeted at. This say: "what these people do is weird, so let's make fun of it."

      Is your viewpoint that you think these are inappropriate comments and should be removed? I don't really have an issue with this an inappropriate because the same jokes are made in every single condom post. For example here:

      Commenter 1: Great, another item I won't ever use.
      Commenter 2: Shower cap?

      Both are making light of prophylactics. So if like for like, then either both are fine or neither are fine but to me I'm not sure how 1 can be fine and the other not (huh?).

      • +11

        I'm not sure how 1 can be fine and the other not (huh?).

        has to do with certain people having persecution complex thus everything seems offensive?

      • -3

        Hi Neil - read them in context, alongside the rest of the comments, and later discussions about fisting as identified in my post. If they were about prophylactics generally, I can imagine the question might've been "what are the condoms used for?". I think there is a difference between a generalised condom joke, and a joke about gloves as specific safe-sex implements being offered to an at-risk group.

        • So just so I understand, if the first 2 comments were the above joke about the condom instead of the gloves then it would be OK?

          I'm just trying to understand the logic that can be applied uniformly to comments.

        • @neil:
          Show be collapsed offtopic

        • +1

          @neil:

          Yes.

          The logic is: is this a general, good-humoured sex joke about condoms (which straight and gay people alike use)? Or is this a joke about fisting, which in the context of the 'deal', is using gay / trans people as its target?

          I guess that's the decision you have to make as a moderator.

        • @gannon:

          Well that's what I'm trying to figure out. The first two comments had a meaning of joking when they were made…I think we can agree on that but later you are saying the context is inappropriate based on other comments made. It doesn't seem right to deem comments made at the time that were joking later to be inappropriate (and people wanting a ban). Hope that makes sense.

          Curious to hear others thoughts.

        • @BrodenIt:
          Should****

        • +9

          @gannon: your logic is that only gay people fist. This is wrong.

          Also the jokes are obviously not intended to be viewed as a whole thread thing. Anybody can create offence if they try hard enough.

      • +1

        It's simple humor as stated before, the idea isn't to stigmatised but to shock the reader by taking discussion about the protection then changing the answer to a different item of the same name…

        The joke isn't even about the thread it's a response to a single message, you can apply what ever your view is to it but it's very obvious its intended not to be viewed in the context of the whole thread.

      • Both are fine.

  • +28

    Honestly, it is not that hard to work out what is appropriate or not.

    • Don't make jokes about the LGBTQI community at all. Period. They are simply not funny because the point of most of them is that members of the community are "less than" therefore making your joke "funny"

    • A simple test for a lot of "gay" jokes is to replace the group in the joke with another minority group.
      For example "If I'm joking around with my buddies and say one of them would make a more convincing drag-queen than most of them, that is in no way creating an environment that leads to transexual people getting bashed."
      Was posted above now replace the group with black people
      "If I'm joking around with my buddies and say one of them would make a more convincing black person than most of them, that is in no way creating an environment that leads to black people getting bashed."
      The black person joke was racist and the drag queen joke was homophobic, no ifs or buts about it. In fact, it is those sorts of jokes which are the exact reason why people get bashed. Under Australian law Race and sexuality are equally protected characteristics.

    • People who are not in the minority do not deserve the right to say whatever they want, that's not how our society works, you can not get on a train and shout sexism or racism, you will be arrested, it is no different with homophobia. Straight people most likely would not have experienced the torment gay people go through on daily basis reading so much hate on the internet and hearing comments in real life. If I had a straight white male friend who told me something I said was hurtful to him I would stop saying it, I wouldn't scream and shout about my freedom of speech.

    • If you ever wonder could this comment upset somebody in the LGBTQI community then simply don't post it, if I thought something I was going to post may upset someone from a minority group I would certainly errr on the side of caution.

    • Mods if someone reports something to be homophobic because it made them feel like less of a person compared to other members, then simply delete it, or edit out the bit, I have never seen one homophobic comment in my life that has genuinely added to a conversation.

    • Lastly to all those people who insist on saying whatever you want/ using your freedom of speech, Why? Your freedom of speech is not going to go away just because you don't make a "Gay" joke, You're not going to lose your freedom of speech just because you don't post something that you know someone will find hurtful. If anything the last 6 months have proven that you can say whatever you want and the only consequence is other people disagreeing with you. No one has lost their freedom of speech when they decide to use it in a respectful way. Think about loving other human beings not trying to find ways to make them feel less than or worse about themselves and then we will all live in a better society.

    x

    • +8

      If you ever wonder could this comment upset somebody in the LGBTQI community then simply don't post it, if I thought something I was going to post may upset someone from a minority group I would certainly errr on the side of caution.

      There is too much crap in your comment to go through everything so I'll just pick on this one.

      If you always stopped to think if someone from a minority group could be upset at some thing you are about to say then you would never say anything. Stop trying to control what people can or cannot say. Just because you are offended it doesn't mean you are right. If you don't like the comments in these threads or they upset you then don't read them.

      • +2

        If you always stopped to think

        What's wrong with thinking before you speak? With considering other people?
        Do you really value the right to attack minorities that much?

        • +1

          Stop twisting words, I did not say I want to attack anyone.

      • +1

        Just replace it with race then. If you wouldn't use the n-word to demoralise a black person, don't use the f-slur at all. If you wouldn't joke that black people are the source and driver of AIDS, don't say it about gay people. If you wouldn't suggest black people lack equivalent mental ability or function, don't call LGBTQI mentally ill. Simple.

        • When did I joke about anyone having aids? No topic should be taboo when it comes to humour. Humour is used to break down barriers, deal with stress or cope with loss etc but some in this thread are really overreacting to some comments and twisting them into to personal attacks on themselves.

      • You should be always stop to think if someone could be hurt from your comment. Minority group or not.

    • +7

      Exactly. People may make jokes on certain groups of people because it has nothing to do with them. I'm sure there's a topic that hits close to home for everyone. If I started joking about suicide/depression, I would get destroyed. it's not a topic that's yet to be relevant/pertinent to me, but that doesn't mean everyone has to tolerate shitty jokes about it just because it's not a sensitive topic to me. In the end ozbargain is a public forum, treat it as such. When you're with your friends/family, feel free to say whatever you want. Just because you don't particularly care about a group/cause doesn't entitle you to say whatever you want about it because you're OK to joke about it amongst yourself/friends. Some friends like fighting things out when they disagree - that doesn't mean they're entitled to just fight anyone they see when they get into an argument. Same concept here, just because you're insensitive to insults doesn't mean everyone is. Use some common sense.

      That being said, no one's royalty and I think light hearted jokes on any topic are fine and sometimes even encouraged if it point out flaws and makes people less sensitive. I might make an immature joke, but I know I don't have anything against the target of the joke. However, I feel like a lot of people use this as a defence to hide their subtle/obvious homophobia/racism/etc. They'll say something stupid like "gay's should die" and then claim it's just a joke and for everyone to stop being sensitive. How about stop being insecure about what other people are doing and focus on some actual problems.

    • +2

      Don't make jokes about the LGBTQI community at all. Period

      "To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise"

      • +22

        I don't criticize people for being White, I don't criticize people for being Black, I don't criticize people for being Asian, I don't criticize people for being Gay, I don't criticize people for being Trans, I don't criticize people for being men, I don't criticize people for being Female, I don't criticize people for being straight. Not because any of these people "rule over me" But because I'm not a D***.

        • your massive list of demands on how everyone is to behave according to the rules you define, indicates otherwise

        • +16

          @payton:

          "Massive list of demands" aka "being a decent human being by taking others' feelings into account".

        • +10

          @gannon:

          Also known as "don't be a dick". Apparently this is a tough one.

        • -1

          @pais:
          understanding that its not about you is more difficult still

        • +2

          @payton:

          understanding that its not about you is more difficult still

          Ironic, given how you've been trolling up and down this thread simply looking to attack the other side. It's not all about you, buddy.

        • +1

          @ProspectiveDarkness:
          I wasn't the one wanting to silence everyone because my feelings are oh so hurt

        • +4

          @payton: No, but you are the one having a f**king cry about the oh so oppressive gays trying to censor you.

          Two can play at this game, see? And it's a pointless, dumb game. So knock it off and try commenting in good faith for once.

    • I get what you are saying and I've certainly heard those arguments before however applying them to real world examples is problematic as its very general.

      If I had a straight white male friend who told me something I said was hurtful to him I would stop saying it, I wouldn't scream and shout about my freedom of speech.

      Edit: As there has been confusion. This is a quote from a member above. Response below to explain the effect of comments on others.

      So if someone like a rep posts a deal here and commenters say it's a bad product/price/whatever and this upsets the rep, then by that account we'd have to remove it?

      Would like to hear your response on these comments listed above or any other comments you've seen but are still published.

      • +7

        Hi Neil, I'm currently overseas so the websites only lets me comment 5 times a day so I can not reply to too many things. I would like to contribute more to this conversation if possible?

        To answer your question: my comment was an in general way of respecting people not necessarily a rule, although I do find it hard to draw a link between somebody calling a deal bad and making a joke/ denigrating somebody's sexuality. That's why there are laws in Australia to protect innate qualities such Sexual orientation, race, gender etc. Sure someone may feel hurt by people attacking their deal but a deal is not the way someone is born, attacking someones sexual orientation, stigmatizing it or making fun of it is attacking the way someone is born and more deeply it is suggested that they are "less than" as a person. There are so many homophobic comments in these forums they make me want to vomit, the mere suggestion by people that they should be free to joke about peoples sexuality makes me sick, making a joke about somebodies "shit" deal is so so different.

        Earlier in this thread, you said you did not see the difference between jokes about fisting and jokes about sex/ condoms. I understand that they may seem very similar in nature which is because they are but they are so different in terms of what they mean to people who may undertake those practices. Fisting as you can see is so badly stigmatised in this communities that many extremely rude and horrible jokes were left up on this site for hours and hour and some still remain if this is a practice you participate in I could only imagine you would feel embarrassed and hurt by what is still left up on this site. And it is a very marginalised community that participates in this. // Making jokes about sex, c'mon we all/ most of us have sex, making a joke about a condom doesn't make anyone feel less human, it doesn't single out marginalised people.

        Even further there are people saying Ozbargain is becoming too PC/ feeling censored.

        • IMHO - If you can not have a proper conversation without being Homophobic/ racist/ sexist etc. you probably need to have a long hard look at yourself. Equally, if you feel like someone asking you to not be homophobic is censoring you, you should do the same just ask yourself why not being homophobic is so hard for you?

        And for example of comments completely off topic that are still viewable on your site. "happy fisting to you Scab." purely disgusting and Ozbargain should be ashamed that this appears on their site.

        • Hope they can give you more than 5 comments, don't always agree with you but think you have presented the best-opposing view to that which I currently hold, I like it when someone challenges my thinking which you have, hence my replies to your comments.

          In regards to this comment though You seem to conflate a few issues you talk about innate qualities and rightly point out that there is a difference between them and someone's choice to do something (post a deal)

          You then go on to use the example of fisting, which I am pretty sure is a practice people of all sexual persuasions partake in by choice, it's not innate in the way race and gender is and it's not limited to the LGBTI community.

        • Hi Neil, I'm currently overseas so the websites only lets me comment 5 times a day so I can not reply to too many things. I would like to contribute more to this conversation if possible?

          Done.

        • +1

          @neil: Thank you Neil.

        • +2

          @tryagain: I agree with you that the act itself is not a LGBTQI+ sole issue but it is something which is a lot bigger in the community than outside of it, and it was piggybacked off a original LGBTQI discussion. To be honest maybe I am being to sensitive about the issue. I don’t believe at all that people should be censored but comments which make jokes/ make light of LGBTQI issues actually serve no purpose in progressing any real/ decent conversation, that why I think they should be deleted and removed, Ozbargain has a freedom of speech too and choosing what it is okay with displaying on its website is part of that freedom of speech.

        • OK, so if I understand your POV James:

          • For a deal involving free sex products which is targeted to a LBGTI, jokes (e.g. garden gloves) shouldn't be permitted that involve any any sexual act that is mostly used by this group (e.g. fisting) or of any products (gloves, condoms). I assume this applies for both LBGTI and non-LBGTI members (e.g. gay member making gay joke)?

          • For a deal involving free sex products for everyone, jokes (e.g. condom shower cap) is permitted using a condom is for all audiences.

        • @neil: Hi Neil I totally agree with what you have written. Another member suggested a tag for serious posts which could be placed on these sort of post maybe even a “community service announcement” where posts similar to this (within the new guidelines) can have, In those posts making jokes and mocking or even the normal banter of Ozbargain would not be suitable. And as to if it should apply regardless I totally think so, Ozbargain moderators shouldn’t be expected to work who is gay/ not gay, or who is black/ not black who is from a minority group or who is not.

        • @JamesVincent:

          OK, thanks. I understand your point of view now.

    • +3

      If I thought something I was going to post may upset someone from a minority group I would certainly errr on the side of caution.

      Why only minority groups, happy to upset people in majority groups though? I would think for the sake of equality, everyone should be treated the same.

      Mods if someone reports something to be homophobic because it made them feel like less of a person compared to other members, then simply delete it, or edit out the bit, I have never seen one homophobic comment in my life that has genuinely added to a conversation.

      There seems to be something of a victimhood mentality taken on by some in the LGBTI community that reads everything through a prism that makes things that, if read properly and in context aren't homophobic, in an inaccurate way that leads them to believe it is, there are already a number of examples of that in this thread from the examples that have been raised. Some are quick to subjectively interpret a comment as inappropriate when it objectively isn't.

      Lastly to all those people who insist on saying whatever you want/ using your freedom of speech, Why? Your freedom of speech is not going to go away just because you don't make a "Gay" joke, You're not going to lose your freedom of speech just because you don't post something that you know someone will find hurtful.

      Yet in the previous point, you are calling for the mods to delete anything that someone finds hurtful, irrespective of if it can objectively be read that way or not. It would be the perfect way to silence anyone whose ideas of opinions differ from yours.

      I have issues with some of your first three points as well but for the sake of brevity will just keep it to the last three.

      • +4

        There seems to be something of a victimhood mentality taken on by some in the LGBTI community that reads everything through a prism that makes things that, if read properly and in context aren't homophobic, in an inaccurate way that leads them to believe it is, there are already a number of examples of that in this thread from the examples that have been raised. Some are quick to subjectively interpret a comment as inappropriate when it objectively isn't.

        Context matters. People like you and Scab below are all too quick to point out how unoffensive things can be, and label people as overly PC for reacting negatively to them, but you fail to realise that when there are legitimately offensive posts scattered throughout (and there were), it colours your perception of the rest. When people are joking about the topic, it is very easy to construe that as mocking. You'd do well to try to empathise with why people react the way they do, rather than just assume they're in it for the outrage and call it "victimhood mentality".

        And no, not everything is as objective as you make it out to be.

        And finally, I don't necessarily share the sentiments of others in this thread, so I'm really not looking to get bogged down in fight over it.

        • why do you feel its your concern to police what people talk about among themselves?
          Were those 'offensive comments' directed at you personally? Were you in that conversation?

          If someone is ultra sensitive, its nobody else's fault

        • +2

          I don't recall inviting you to reply to my comment, and yet here you are. Why do you feel its your concern to reply to comments without addressing a single thing inside them?

          Understand that it's not all about you.

        • +1

          @ProspectiveDarkness:

          without addressing a single thing inside

          I did address your issue and suggested that you're maybe too sensitive.
          If your rage makes it difficult to see that, then shrugs

        • Yes, sorry, how ever could I discount such a valuable contribution to the thread.

          This bullshit is why I don't bother commenting on this website any more.

        • +1

          Just to clarify, I don't contest that there were legitimately offensive comments and that human nature would lead people offended by them to read other comments in the same light but providing a reason for it doesn't discount it. The "context" of my point was in relation to JamesVincent's call for mod's to ban anything that someone felt was homophobic whether it could objectively be proven to be nonsense or not.

          Admittedly empathy probably isn't a strength but as I raised with them in a response to another comment earlier, there is a connection between self-identifying as a victim and an increase in the rate of suicidality. I don't just raise it because I think it'd logically flawed, I also draw attention to it as it appears to be dangerous.

        • Guys, let's discuss calmly without name calling.

      • +1

        Hi Try again the question about why protect the minority and what about the majority is a perfectly legitimate question and one for years I struggled to understand, I am not going to try and explain it myself because I feel I would do a terrible job at getting my opinion on it across because it would take me hours to tell someone in person. but in a small nutshell I think that both rights should be equally protected but to protect both rights equally sometimes extra measures have to be taken to protect the minorities rights. I would honestly recommend googling and reading about protecting minorities rights from the majority because it is really interesting to see as sometimes minorities have to fight for there rights when the majority are just afforded them. But everything I mentioned just now is very broad and I really don’t feel like I personally would be able to properly answer your question.

        • I think you should give your ability to articulate your point of view far more credit I do understand some things take a lot more than a comment to convey, although sometimes if you can't really convey something, it can mean you haven't really thought it through.
          I personally am all for pursuing equality of opportunity but not equality of outcome, ie we should remove obstacles from minorities that disadvantage them but not place obstacles in the way of others to advantage the minorities in respect to the majority.

    • I'm being vocal because I feel the essence of what's been posted on a fair bit of this taken out of context or has prejudice applied to it which has made it offensive.

      I think we all just need to take a step back and analyse what the posters true intention was before we respond.

      A joke is in essence about pointing out differences or shock.

      Fell free to debate with me.

    • Thankyou for this post.

  • +27

    Not that it makes any difference, but this will be the last time I respond to this triggered nonsense:

    I said yesterday that once you start submitting to these demands that it will be a can of worms, and sadly this thread demonstrates it perfectly.

    No matter what you do it will never be enough, some group will always find offence even at the most benign comments.

    One of the great things about Ozbargain, and I believe part of the reason of its success, is that Scotty and the mods are laid back and generally fair to everyone.

    It would be sad to see this change just to keep a small and loud minority happy, even though it never will as they'll find outrage in something else.

    If you want to take a look at what draconian moderation does to a forum then look at Whirlpool, what was once a great community has been gutted where people can't be themselves and have to walk on eggshells so as to not be banned.

    I've been browsing Ozbargain for many years and only recently decided to become a member because I liked the atmosphere and people and found it refreshing.

    I really hope this doesn't change just to try to be politically correct.

    • +1

      Amen to that & happy fisting to you Scab.

      • +1

        Just made this joke up:

        What do you call it when someone fists in a long sleeve shirt?

        Fisticuffs.

        • +1

          Haha you're a funny fister.

    • OzBargain is always evolving to do what's best for the majority of the community. It gets more difficult as we get more members with wider points of views and different backgrounds. The point is to reach some kind of compromise that makes the majority of the community happy. Unfortunately when it comes to this issue, there are dismissive people who feel your way and on the side that we remove all comments. There is a middle ground between submitting to these demands and I'll make any comment I want. Let's see if we can find it.

    • +11

      I've been a member since 2009, and browsing even longer, and guess what? I've tolerated a bunch of cheap shots at marginalised groups masquerading as 'jokes', but taking advantage of a specifically LGBTQI focused charity - and laughing about it along the way - was the final straw.

      You may believe moderation which respects people from backgrounds other than your own is 'political correctness' or 'draconian' - I happen to believe that it's in the Australian egalitarian spirit, of true equity, to support those who have historically been the subject of poor treatment. You're not 'walking on eggshells'; you're being asked to be a decent human being.

    • +4

      Oh for (profanity) sake, I can't believe you are complaining about having to use respectful language and not belittling people.

      PS - politically correct is Tony Abbott's replacement for the word 'respect'. Try replacing politically correct with 'respect' in all of your sentences.

      "I can't believe we have to be politically correct" becomes "I can't believe we have to be respectful" and so on.

  • +13

    Better yet, let's just ban everyone who has a different opinion.

  • +12

    I am off to see Jimmy Carr tomorrow.

    He will undoubtedly have jokes about lesbians and gay's. However he will also have jokes about most other groups.

    Should he be banned? Would I be banned for linking to any of his jokes?

    It is ridiculous that some people on here have literally gone OTT and said you cannot say anything at all.

    Reminds me of the issues people had when making jokes about certain religions.

    As with any group, some are more easily offended and try to take offence on behalf of everybody (and also think they can speak for everybody passing off their opinion as fact).

    • has anyone said "you cannot say anything at all"?

      • +2

        I was really referring to this comment..
        "Don't make jokes about the LGBTQI community at all. Period"

  • +6

    Wasn't going to get into this, but now that that dam's burst…

    At the very least, I think undeniably offensive and incendiary posts should warrant harsher penalties than they do (or did - I noticed that moderation was harsher in the relevant thread (which is appreciated, but was sorely missing during the postal survey)).

    For example, one user stated that they were happy about HIV "purging" the LGBT population, and that basically it was a deserved punishment for being unnatural. This user only had their comments removed, whereas I think these ridiculously bigoted comments deserve the penalty box, or an outright ban.

    I'm not going to get into the "inappropriate" variety of comments, for fear of attracting more irrelevant bitching from a certain user upthread, but might I recommend implementing a [serious] tag for deserving topics? To my mind, jokes aren't really appropriate at all in a thread specifically about safe sex advocacy.

    Edit: I'll add that I honestly think all these topics should just be banned, full stop. It's unfortunate, but the OzBargain community just isn't mature enough to handle anything outside rechargeable batteries and pizza coupons. The easiest way to deal with it, is to just prevent all of it.

    • For example, one user stated that they were happy about HIV "purging" the LGBT population, and that basically it was a deserved punishment for being unnatural. This user only had their comments removed, whereas I think these ridiculously bigoted comments deserve the penalty box, or an outright ban.

      As the comment was deleted, I am guessing you can't link to it but my guess is that it was (rightly) deleted as a personal attack and therefore it would have garnered a warning that would have lead to a temporary ban for further offences. I think having to have some kind of subjective categories of personal attack would be problematic but maybe you have a suggestion.

      • +7

        I don't really give a toss about categories. I don't know why everyone is so focused on fitting things into neat little boxes.

        I think it's pretty obvious that celebrating the death and suffering of individuals because you believe they're beneath you, should qualify for some sort of penalty. A light slap on the wrist 5 hours later does not go far enough.

    • I'm not going to get into the "inappropriate" variety of comments, for fear of attracting more irrelevant bitching from a certain user upthread,

      It would be helpful to analyse comments but up to you.

      but might I recommend implementing a [serious] tag for deserving topics? To my mind, jokes aren't really appropriate at all in a thread specifically about safe sex advocacy.

      Interesting suggestion.

      As I said the same to James who I think shares your POV, I think this is what both of you are saying:

      • For a deal involving free sex products which is targeted to a LBGTI, jokes (e.g. garden gloves) shouldn't be permitted that involve any any sexual act that is mostly used by this group (e.g. fisting) or of any products (gloves, condoms).

      • For a deal involving free sex products for everyone, jokes (e.g. condom shower cap) are permitted using a condom is for all audiences.

      Is that basically the gist of it?

  • +1

    I see now that I received a specific mention in the previous thread, to justify my opinions on the moderation.

    Perhaps the mods will find a bit more of an insight into my opinion if they read my TWAM thread they never replied to. It was regarding the ~1200 comment-long Gorman thread. Take a walk down memory lane in that thread, and see if you can't understand why I was pissed.

    (a) Almost every neg vote in that thread was invalid and politically motivated, and yet you allowed them to remain whereas you were strict on them here and most everywhere else.

    (b) constant, insulting, trolling comparisons to incest, pedophilia, beastiality

    (c) the overarching arguments that gays and gay marriage erodes the moral fabric of society, aren't deserving of equality, are lesser.

    I realise that modding 1200 comments would be challenging, but it is arguably one of the biggest messes the site had ever seen, and the response from the mod team was basically to just comment to remind everyone to follow the rules every now and then. AKA, basically useless. Your response basically hinged on the notion that both sides should have a say, despite the concept of one side basically being one enormous personal attack (i.e. you are not equal).

    Words cannot express how unbelievably livid I was having read through that thread, and I'm not exaggerating. It is literally the angriest I've been in my entire life. That comment section should have been shut down before it spiralled out of control, and yet it wasn't. So forgive me if that tainted my opinion on the moderation team w/r/t homophobia. The Gorman thread wasn't even the first instance (you'll also find that in TWAM), so I don't think my stance is without basis.

Login or Join to leave a comment