Help Me Think of a Witty Comeback - Gender Stereotypes

I'm seeking some help from the collective mind of Ozbargain.

I'm a woman who was recently fortunate to purchase the car of my dreams. This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver and as such it sometimes attracts unwelcome attention. This is usually in the form of some variation of "is that your boyfriend's car?". Yesterday it was a truck driving leaning out of his truck to ask if it was my boyfriend's car. I answered no, and after some time he formulated the gem "is it your dad's car?".

This has happened enough times now to grate on me and being gobsmacked every time it occurs I blunder like an idiot and politely tell them no. Now I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross.

Given that I don't want to obnoxious and just tell them straight to f-off, I would love the help of this community to formulate a pithy response for these times. I know Ozbargainers tend to excel at the witty response so I hope the collective can suggest a few gems to me.

Comments

  • +27 votes

    What is your age?
    What is this car of your dreams?

    The question of your age is not because I am a creep but it will help formulate as response.

    • +5 votes

      Mustang?

    • +18 votes

      What is your age?
      What is this car of your dreams?

      I don't know why people post and leave out important details.

      How can we give you a witty comeback if you are 48 and your dream car is '98 Holden Commodore?

    • +4 votes

      Hello,
      My 1st Car was purchased by my Dad 1964 Holden EH Premier(new) even then some males commented That's not girls car.
      That lasted until I got married. Once I was married single boys(it's only boys whom make these commitments.
      My 7th wedding anniversary gift was DINO gt4, replaced by Jaguar XJ drophead, replaced by Merc 380,replaced by 928 S4 and so on. To many boys and their jealousy got left. That's all it is Childish jealousy best comeback
      Ignore them don't waste your time

      •  

        Nice car history - I had the 928S4 myself at one stage, a great undervalued car.
        Best you wish you kept the Dino?

        •  

          Hi,
          Sort of but service was pricey, hate to think parts would be now. S4 loved it as far as myself absolutely best Porsche ever made, detested 911 from get go. 911's and Harleys are in same category I will walk rather than put my butt on either seat. The Jaguar should have been designated MP model for Money Pit, every month an problem.

    • +8 votes

      The Jerk Store called …

    • +19 votes

      Yes, I find them incredibly offensive, but given that I recognise that they are probably not intended that way, I'm not sure it's necessary for me to be outwardly offensive in my response.

      • +46 votes

        Learn to be less insecure.

        • -20 votes

          Awful victim shaming.

          "She was asking for it!" :(

        • +12 votes

          Why can't the guys that have to comment learn to keep to themselves? Surely that is a better starting point?

          • +2 votes

            @Gowrie29: Guys that keep comments to themselves are those that have trouble speaking to other people, especially women. They're otherwise known as creeps.

            Guys that make comments and some of them being consistently more offensive than others. These guys are also known as creeps.

            Everyone is a creep.

            Or… Or…

            Learn not to be offended by everything and everyone.

            • +8 votes

              @tshow:

              Everyone is a creep.
              …. Learn not to be offended by everything and everyone.

              It's not everyone. It's anyone who is incapable of determining appropriate social behaviour and behaves in a way that is weird and upsetting to others.
              And if gets to the point where people are telling you that they are upset about it, there's a good chance it's much weirder than you realise and you can take it as a good opportunity to fix yourself up a little bit.

              Or you could just blame them for being offended and keep being a weirdo.
              Kinda seems like getting mad at someone for pointing out snot on your face though and refusing to wipe it off

            • +4 votes

              @tshow: "Learn not to be offended by everything and everyone"

              Don't know about this, it's like asking someone who is worried about something to "just not think about it".

            • +8 votes

              @tshow: This is so dumb. The social interaction is, "nice car, are you and enthusiast?" not some stupid comment born in the 1950s aimed at embarrassing.

              I've never been called a creep for not saying something dumb or offensive, either.

          • -5 votes

            @Gowrie29: Because free speech.

            Granted we don't have a constitutional right to that here in Australia but it's still a backbone of Western society. If you don't like what someone is saying you don't listen. You don't get to demand that they stop saying it.

            And no - before you claim that cat-calls and pickup lines are violence and hate speech, they're not.

            • +19 votes

              @SlavOz: It's not about free speech.
              Free speech means you can say what you want. It doesn't mean you should.
              It definitely doesn't mean you aren't a dick if you do.
              It just means that you are free to be a dick.

              Asking other people to stop being a dick isn't the same as infringing their free speech, it's just infringing their right to be a dick. Which is a pretty good right to have, but should be used with the expectation that people will then treat you like a dick.

              And if your response to being treated like a dick is to say that it's your right to be a dick then you're being a massive dick.
              But if your response is that you have free speech, then you are an oblivious dick. Which is much worse, because you might actually think you aren't just being a massive dick.

              Or, you could just stop being a dick and be something better.

            •  

              @SlavOz: Are you sure we have free speech rights here in Aus? I don't think we do actually.

              • +1 vote

                @bmerigan: Free speech is not relegated only to the US constitution.

              •  

                @bmerigan: What Daitro, states is true Free Speech is only Constitution of US. Don't forget we are still tied to England, independence has not been granted.

                • +3 votes

                  @19Sandra 47: There is no constitutional guarantee of freedom of speech in Australia. However, freedom of 'political speech' has been tested and upheld at law. Further, common law applies to individual speech (libel and slander). At an 'everyday' level there are no significant limits on 'free speech' in Australia.

                  @19Sandra 47

                  Don't forget we are still tied to England, independence has not been granted.

                  What?

                  Australia has been an independent sovereign nation since the first day of the twentieth century (1/1/1901). There were several areas in which Australia was still 'tied' to the United Kingdon (military, legal, foreign relations, etc) for many decades after. But the passing of the Australia Act in 1986 (and a twin act in the UK parliament) formally removed all such links.

                  Australia is as independent as any other sovereign nation. There are no appeals to UK courts, there is no mechanism by which the UK can interfere or affect our political structure.

                  We have our own head of state, who just happens to also be the head of state of the UK. But even if the UK decided, for example, to abolish the royalty in their own country, the Queen (or King) would remain our head of state.

                  Any 'tie' we have is not to England (or more correctly, the UK), but rather to the royal house of Mountbatten-Windsor (which was previously known as Saxe-Coburg-Gotha ).

        • +3 votes

          What? What has any of this got to do with insecurity?

      • +3 votes

        simple response to is that your boyfriends car. "No, Is that your boyfriends car?". but honestly you need to learn to be more secure in yourself, it doesn't matter what others think or say and you should not find anything someone else thinks or says incredibly offensive especially when they were not intended as such.

      • +4 votes

        I've been stereotyped my whole life. The reality is stereotypes exist and *ssholes exist. That's the real world.

        I've been stereotyped due to my name and ethnicity. I've been stereotyped due to the car I used to drive when I was younger. I've been stereotyped due to what I studied at uni. I've been stereotyped due to my hobbies and interests.

        Be confident in yourself, not fitting a stereotype is what makes you unique, and learn to not give a (profanity) about what other people think.

        That doesn't mean you should have to take sh*t from *ssholes, but don't lose any sleep over it.

        That said, there are much more polite ways of going about asking if the car is yours than "Is that your boyfriend's car?". If someone gives you attitude, give them a bit back and continue on with the rest of your day.

      • +1 vote

        Ignore them, it is only Childish jealousy. By playing their games you are only lowering yourself to School boy attitudes. You are a woman, boys think by being nasty they are better than us girls. Yet it's the same Boys always chasing us.

    • +5 votes

      Or here's another perspective that I stumbled on just before this thread:
      Women of reddit, what do men do that they think is okay but is actually creepy?

      • +40 votes

        And here's a summary/real conclusion.

        If a man is attractive, it is okay. If the dude looks like a Hobbit that has been out of the Shire for too long, those same actions are creepy.

        • -1 vote

          That may be part of it, but this kind of explanation tend to be more about excusing away the poor behaviour of hobbits, incels, and nice guys.

          The way you appear to the world isn’t some completely predetermined luck of the draw. It’s more about how you present yourself, which comes from how you take care of of your body, dress yourself, and carry yourself.

          If you do these badly, you’ll be unattractive. And it has something to do with a limited social awareness and inability to objectively assess and improve your own flaws in social situations, and instead blame others for not receiving you well.

          TLDR Looking like a hobbit is more an indication that you might also be bad at human interaction, not that other humans are bad at interacting with you.

          • +13 votes

            @crentist:

            The way you appear to the world isn’t some completely predetermined luck of the draw. It’s more about how you present yourself, which comes from how you take care of of your body, dress yourself, and carry yourself.

            Mate, I'm neither tall, have high cheek bones, naturally low body fat nor have the genetic mutation for defined calves and biceps.

            No amount of grooming will change that. I have a friend with all those attributes. He can get away with anything with the opposite sex (sometimes also the same sex).

            I'm not bitter about it, it is simple biology. The laws of attraction doesn't care about my feelings and I can accept that.

            I can be upset with nature just as much as some huffed up "feminist" can be with men. It's not going to going to change anything so rather than basing your self image on extrinsic factors like what someone else thinks, maybe some people should grow up and let people think and say as they please.

            • -1 vote

              @tshow: I've not been conventionally handsome either, and I've seen up close how handsome guys can get an amazing amount of leeway. But I've also found that grooming, dress, and diet does in fact help a lot.
              Because the most important thing is social skills, and those are part of that. The handsome dudes tend to also know how to dress and behave, and what to say.

              See none of what you mention is an excuse for bad social behaviour, yet you are trying to defend others who exhibit it. The handsome dudes get more leeway, but that doesn't mean everyone else can behave like one of them and then blame other people for not treating them the same. You have to be aware of what you have and work with that. Pretending otherwise can be very unattractive.

              Thing is, if you can recognise and work with what you have, you can cover a lot of ground. This basically means having confidence, but also self-awareness, and social awareness. And I'm not saying these things are simple or easy to attain, I struggled for a very long time myself. And it also has a lot to do with how other people treat you, which means that the handsome guys have been handed an easy feedback loop, but it takes longer for others. But it also means that if other people don't treat you well, you gotta look for other reasons than "nature" which is an excuse for doing nothing.

              rather than basing your self image on extrinsic factors like what someone else thinks, maybe some people should grow up and let people think and say as they please

              These are two different things. Self image is what you think of yourself. Other people can think differently. You can be confident and hated, or depressed and beloved. In the middle is how you present yourself. If you want others to see you better, learn to present yourself better. Saying whatever you want, that they don't want to hear, is bad social behaviour. It's your own fault if people don't like you if you behave like this. It's also your decision to care or not, but no one can change what others think of you but yourself, and it is possible.

              I say that because I was in that position for a long time. The unexpected thing about getting out of it isn't that you have to change what you think and say, you just need to be a bit more aware of how it's received by others. You don't have to be a handsome cocky guy in a suit or fit some other ideal, and trying to be is a terrible idea. I think that comparison is what messed me up for years.
              But there are other types of attractiveness, which you can learn about to figure out not how to change yourself to suit some false ideal, but what is good about the qualities you already have.
              It's why after feeling unattractive for years, things "clicked" for me when I realised I didn't have to change, and why. And it's not that blind self-acceptance that has you thinking you can say whatever you want.

              Which is also why I've been out with a group of tall, handsome guys all trying to pick up girls (kinda successfully) and seen them all get trounced by a guy objectively less attractive yet far more sexually aggressive. Who, after he left (with two girls), the handsome guys all kinda paused for a moment to comment on how ugly he was, but also how (profanity) cool for knowing how to use the weak hand he was dealt

    • +17 votes

      You're part of the problem.

      "Well intentioned" does not mean "well received" on the recipient. This is the message 2019 wants you to understand.

      During my younger, more obnoxious days, what I thought was "complimentary" to women I now realise served no other purpose than to make them uncomfortable, fearful, offended or any other number of negative emotions.

      • +7 votes

        This is the message 2019 wants you to understand.

        This is the agenda what some people in 2019 want to push.

        I am not saying that the passing comments aren't offensive. I'm saying people need to stop trying to impose their social standards on others.

        What's worse? A few people being offensive (far from inciting violence or calling for discrimination) or a society where everyone is fearful of being branded a villain over a few snarky words?

        I'm not part of any problem. I am tought old school chivalry. I wouldn't never make a presumption that someone doesn't own their belongings. I would compliment a lady on the mood they exude, not by their appearance.

        • +12 votes

          I think you've got the wrong end of the stick mate.

          I clearly justified my standpoint, but you've chosen to ignore that and claim that everyone is fearful of being branded the villain. You literally told OP to let it slide because no harm was intended.

          TL;DR - don't be a creep. Defending an action that you are being told is offensive means you're part of the problem.

          • +7 votes

            @picklewizard: The action isn't offensive. The inference is.

            Two people can infer the same action differently.

            What you're trying to say is as long as someone feels offended, an action has to be indefensible.

            Get real.

        •  

          Lol. No ones being branded a tarred and feathered here. They're being told their "compliments" aren't well received.

        • +2 votes

          Lol sorry dude I just gotta

          I am tought old school chivalry.

          As in, m’lady?

        • +24 votes

          A guy taking the time to lean out of their car and challenge a woman driving a car that doesn't fit with their social standard is the epitome of pushing ones social standards on others. She was minding her own business - he shouldn't be pushing that agenda at all. She's only asking for lighthearted comebacks in response to that. He's the one doing all the pushing!

          I'd probably just yell WELCOME TO 2019 BRO!

          • -1 vote

            @MissG:

            challenge a woman driving a car that doesn't fit with their social standard is the epitome of pushing ones social standards on others

            lol

            She acknowledges, " This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver " so logically it would be safe for one to assume that it belongs to a guy.

            That funniest thing is when the OP said "Yes, I find them incredibly offensive." It's not like these guys that make those comments think she is incapable of driving that type of car, just that it's rare.

            • +2 votes

              @ozhunter: Why assume at all? Once you do, and then once you communicate that assumption without thinking it through, you're pushing your own agenda.

              Logic belongs to computers, not human behaviour.

              • -2 votes

                @MissG: Natural human behavior? Don't see how it's pushing an agenda at all. The truck driver may have never seen a woman drive that car, and now that he has, he'd be less likely to ask the next woman who drives that car the same question.

                He's just asking based on his personal life experience.

                If I wore a dress to work instead of a suit, I'm sure I'd get asked some questions.

                Imo humans can think and behave logically, one sex moreso than the other.

                • +5 votes

                  @ozhunter:

                  Imo humans can think and behave logically, one sex moreso than the other.

                  When told that it wasn't her boyfriend's car, he paused and asked if it was her dad's.
                  Definitely sounds like a logical mind, hard at work trying to crack a great puzzle of the modern age.

                  But you're right, now that he's seen a woman in that particular car his entire view of the world has probably opened up.
                  I bet he doesn't even notice you prancing around in a dress after this shocker.

            • +4 votes

              @ozhunter:

              " This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver " so logically it would be safe for one to assume that it belongs to a guy.

              Logically it would be safe to assume that a car belongs to the driver.

              •  

                @crentist: That's what I'd assume, but surprisingly not everyone thinks the same. IF the OP was driving a "girly" car, my guess would be that the truck driver would have assumed it was her car.

                •  

                  @ozhunter: Right, except that you were defending the truck driver for pushing their own social standards by pointing out the assumption that they made.
                  Which is a dumb reason for a dumber action, but you seemed to think it was enough of a reason? Which seems to imply that you strongly agree with the assumption and thought it was a good enough reason to justify the dumber action.

                  And now you are saying you wouldn't make the same assumption that they "surprisingly" would. Which seems to acknowledge it's a dumb reason.

                  So in fact you were defending the very dumb actions of someone pushing their social standards on someone else, by suggesting that they did it for a dumb reason.

                  •  

                    @crentist: Asking a question doesn't mean I'm pushing my social standards on someone. Could simply be out of curiosity.

                    I've been pulled over by a policeman who asked if the car I was driving was my car. I could have answered, "What a stupid question!" or "Yes, it is." I chose the latter and thought nothing of it.

          • +1 vote

            @MissG: "Welcome to 2019" is an excellent response

      • +2 votes

        This is the message 2019 wants you to understand.

        Who cares what 2019 thinks. They'll be gone in 3 months.

  • +50 votes

    Not witty but I'd still want to know why..

    'No, why?'

    • +16 votes

      That is genuinely the best response. Don't make any presumptions about their intent. Ask them to explain themselves and force them to take ownership of their behaviour.

    • +39 votes

      It is smarter than you think.

      It calls them on their bull and draws info about the motive behind their comment allowing you to humiliate them with a response.

      'No, why?'
      'cause that's a boys car'
      'So you are looking for boys in cars?'

      'No, why?'
      'Not many pretty girls like you drive one of those'
      'I am [your age] you pervert, a school is down that way [point].' or
      'GIRL? They let pedophiles drive trucks now?'

      'No, why?'
      'So you're single?'
      'No, I am a nun.'
      'Really?'
      'Yeah, ever since I met you.'

      'No, why?'
      'A girl like you can't drive a car like that.'
      'A guy like you can't get a girl like this.' or
      'Have you seen the piece of trash your driving?'

  • +3 votes

    Need to know what kind of vehicle. Some sort of trendy thought provoking reply is too far off point. Just be basic and go with a classic. “Suck my D#*%!” And smile and wave.

  • +13 votes

    I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross

    That doesn't sound good on your part. My advice is to reply in a low voice "I'm a transvestite", wink, then look away.

    Edit: it's a Ford Mustang, isn't it?

  • +2 votes

    No but I'm sure he'll give you a ride if you ask nicely.

  • +51 votes

    Ask back "Yep. Is that your mother's"?

  • +94 votes

    "No, it's my girlfriend's car"

  • +5 votes

    Close your window and ignore them?

  • +9 votes

    Put pink number plates or seat covers on it, that way they don't have to ask

  • +104 votes

    Just say, "I was going to ask you the same exact thing"

  • +28 votes

    My reply would be “not sure who the registered owner is, I stole it”

  • +6 votes

    Yes. I'm compensating for yours.

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