Help Me Think of a Witty Comeback - Gender Stereotypes

I'm seeking some help from the collective mind of Ozbargain.

I'm a woman who was recently fortunate to purchase the car of my dreams. This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver and as such it sometimes attracts unwelcome attention. This is usually in the form of some variation of "is that your boyfriend's car?". Yesterday it was a truck driving leaning out of his truck to ask if it was my boyfriend's car. I answered no, and after some time he formulated the gem "is it your dad's car?".

This has happened enough times now to grate on me and being gobsmacked every time it occurs I blunder like an idiot and politely tell them no. Now I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross.

Given that I don't want to obnoxious and just tell them straight to f-off, I would love the help of this community to formulate a pithy response for these times. I know Ozbargainers tend to excel at the witty response so I hope the collective can suggest a few gems to me.

Comments

      • +1

        I've seen a lot of 'just ignore it', 'toughen up' and 'it's just banter' on this thread.

        Yea, because someone asked her about the ownership of her car, then she came on here asking how to respond to that type of question, wittingly of course.

      • As someone said earlier in the thread, no one is the arbiter of hurt, except the person being hurt. The idea that laughing off insults, intimidation and bullying is somehow 'tough' is just a big lie told to guys to keep them quiet about the bad behaviour of the more dominant guys. There's nothing tough about keeping quiet, it's designed to disenfranchise and nothing more.

        The good news is: change is afoot, especially among the more emotionally intelligent and aware. They can use this knowledge to have a leg-up on the competition, whether it be relationship-wise, job-wise etc, over those who still want to hang on to old notions you mentioned, such as ‘bullying is being tough’, dish it out if you can, and if not, silently ‘suck it up’. It is a control mechanism by the dominant to justify bad behaviour, as you say. And the smart ones are seeing through this ruse.

        Take for example, what Justin Baldoni said in this Ted Talk: ‘Why I am done being man enough’, something some others are surely thinking.

        “I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show, but I'm tired of performing. And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time.”

        The exhaustion probably drives some of the mental issues we see today. There is good evidence that it is a factor in the increased mental health issues and suicides among men, since statistically, men hang on to these notions way more strongly than women.

        So, the new breed of emotionally intelligent people will choose paths that will lead to living a good life. And those who don’t, well it is a free world, they can choose the other route and live with the consequences.

    • +8

      It was not my intention to start a spirited debate about gender

      Starts the post with issue specifically regarding their position as female and perpetrators as men.

      Now posts a statement to further stir the pot by claiming it wasn't to start debate but sticks a whole lot of opinion of what is acceptable and what isn't.

      Dismisses comments that she doesn't want to read and proceeds to thank those who pat her on the back.

      Finally, throws her metaphorical arms in the air about having to argue with strangers on the internet when she voluntarily posted a hissy fit on said platform.

      • +1

        Sees a female ask for a witty comeback to well-intentioned gender stereotyping from men.

        Wonders why she mentioned gender in a situation involving gender stereotypes.

        "feminazi bull shit"

        No comeback for you!

    • +1

      Is the car a goggomobile?
      And more importantly is it the dart?

    • +1

      I understand your frustration. However, try not to over-think the situation too much.

      'No, it's my car' would be a good response (basically, it means No, it's my car you dumb arse). It should stop them from additional dumb guesses.

      Also, when it comes to guys insulting another guy (i.e. me), it is generally far more severe. Basically direct and indirect insult on my look, my ethnic background is common. No holding back, to my face. They can even come from people who are at a higher level than me in the company.

      Don't read too much into comments from some guys. It's just guys being guys. We are far from perfect. Hey, it's OZBargain anyway…

    • Hope you enjoy your new ride!

    • +2

      You have too much time on your hands lady, i dont envy you at all lol.

    • +3

      My issue with these unsolicited comments from men is that they belittle me and as other users have suggested, we are allowed to hope for better in 2019

      Suggestions such as "toughen up" or "sell the car then" imply that I am the problem, not the men making these comments and that I should just accept this as a by-product of my choice to drive the car.

      OP, take heart, by and large, commenters here have been helpful and provided constructive advice, advice they probably would give their womenfolk (wife/gf, daughter, mother etc) in the same situation.

      Not many are brash - telling you to suck it up, sell your car, etc. Just that the few who did - their comments may appear the ‘loudest’, drowning out the large volume of shorter, pithier, supportive replies. And some of these came from expected quarters anyway (given past commenting history).

      • +1

        Thank you bluesky, that is a helpful reminder.

    • +2

      Many people have responded asking for the details of my car and my age. I've thought long and hard about this and have decided to share neither. This is not to infuriate the masses, however I suspect that many asking those questions are interested in that information only to make a more informed judgement about the validity of my claims.

      Imagine if people came to ozbargain forums asking for financial investment advice, but they were unwilling to disclose such inforrmation as their age, stage in life, whether they have any dependents, their life goals, income, etc. It makes it very difficult for us to give such a person relevant advice, and instead we would be stuck with giving generic advice that may or may not be most relevant for that person's situation. My advice to a young 20-something with no dependents will be very different to my advice to someone in her 60's who may want to transition into retirement.

      Similarly, many of us are here not to judge the validity of your claims but rather to help you give the most relevant advice possible. But we can't give you the most relevant advice if basic information such as age and type of car is withheld.

      I don't know why, but I'll probably get negged for this despite saying the obvious.

  • +2

    Is that your boyfriend's car?

    No, it's a potato.

    No, it's owned collectively by my polyamory clique.

    Is that your real head?

    No, the car is mine - my wife rides a bicycle.

    No, it belongs to the fractured souls of entitled man-babies everywhere.

    Show us your tax return refund.

    Not sure where that last one fits in. Oh well.

    • Show us your tax return refund.

      Not sure where that last one fits in. Oh well.

      Never know when Donald Trump might be on the prowl.

  • Can we make it our car? I'll let you share my sti as well ;)

    I stick your hand out and wriggle your pinky lol.

    • I'll let you share my sti as well ;)

      What STI you got…? herpes? chlamydia?

      • Weaponised syphilis.

  • +1

    Just remember OP…

    All it takes is one decision
    A lot of guts, a little vision to wave
    Your worries, and cares goodbye…

    • Unless it's cancer.

    • +1

      Just remember OP…

      The best revenge is to live the best you can. Seinfeld.

  • So what car do you have? Just want to know if I should be jelly or not. Lol

    • +5

      It has no air con.

      Save the jelly.

      • +1

        LooooooooL

      • -2

        Nailed it!

        • +1

          nails will come in handy.

  • +2

    Well, what would be your response to a lady, happens to be asking the exact same question?

    • The problem is that most (if not all) women don't use 'social banter' as a means of striking up conversation as an 'in' to a potential future relationship with other women. It's a different context.

      • +6

        You really think these idiots asking the OP stupid questions from their cars have a view for a relationship with the OP?

  • +1

    In the spirit of witty responses though, for fun I thought of a few.

    "What, this old paddock-basher?"

    "What car?"

    "Mate this is a bicycle, get your eyes checked"

  • As repeatedly all over: learn to ignore, don't be so unnecessarily sensitive.

    An answer to your pride car ownership? : ** It is my grandmothers car, why? Yours have one as well? **

  • +1

    say nothing, keep strong eye contact without blinking and push nose hard up against glass while rolling up window.

  • +1

    Nah it’s your mums, don’t tell your dad.

  • Tell them that its your Girlfriends/Wifes car. That will throw a wrench in their brain gears.

  • +2

    “No, he drives a shitbox like yours”

    • +2

      Or
      “Is that your boyfriends pick up line?”

  • +4

    I bet $10 your car is pink and has flower decorations and ribbons and other girly things.

  • +2

    What's wrong with just answering "no" with perhaps a why would you ask that expression on your face?

  • +5

    Im a guy and I drive pink yaris

    • my old Echo was bright gold
      replaced it with a red mx5

      pink yaris might be next

    • Hot pink?

      It's important…

  • +6

    Just remember that if you mud wrestle with a pig, you'll both come out dirty but the pig will enjoy it.

  • +2

    Its a pity people tend to try deconstruct the poster rather then help them with what they actually asked for.

    It sucks to not 'win' the exchange since even if you try to ignore the comment it still can ruin your mood even if you play it off time after time. These are the same people who would yell out at players in a football game while being drowned out by the crowd. Their comments serve their own ego so regardless of what you say to them it wont make them regret what they said.

    My suggestion would be to do something that will make you feel good. Whether its to clap back, tell them its your baby or even have a token of the effort you put into getting your car such as a keychain or decal that can snap you back into a good state of mind.

  • +1

    Just says its your car?

  • +1

    Ask if the truck is their mums.
    Or their Holden is their daughters.
    Congratulations on the car, I hope you enjoy it despite the attention it draws.

  • Get a louder exhaust?

  • +5

    So, who's car is it?

  • ignore them or do the old… 'do you know what the harderst part of driving (car type of someone asking your comment)'… then insert your chosen insult (as per video).. or be creative and flow with the diss…

    my nephew loves ford so i got him with the old 'you know what the hardest part of driving a ford is….'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BLJrBu818Q&feature=youtu.be

  • +4

    "I need a fast car because I have a heavy flow"

    Most men hate anything to do with women's hygiene.

    • As long as it's blue i'm ok with that.

  • +5

    People are going to comment no matter what you do in this world.

    There are guys that own MX-5's and get told its a hairdressers car, there are guys that own Barinas and get told it's a girls car and there are girls that own a ute that get told its a guys car etc.

    You can either let it get to you or ignore it. Don't take life too seriously.

    • So if someone said my mx5 was a hairdressers car and I responded with a witty comeback, that would be taking life too seriously?

      • +2

        The fact that OP has given enough thought and effort to post this yet still wont reveal what vehicle it is and selectivity responds to comments suggests that may be the case, but perhaps I'm reading too much into it.

      • +2

        No, but if you then went on the internet, started a thread saying that someone asking you a simple question about the ownership of your car was incredibly offensive, were gobsmacked about it, finding it quite gross and that you wanted help to formulate a response so witty(to show him how strong and independent women are?) then yea, I'd say you're taking life to seriously.

        • -1

          (to show him how strong and independent women are?)

          you made this bit up
          you also kind missed the point about how frequently it happens

          if i got called a hairdresser every few months, thats basically one offs, and easily forgotten.
          if it happened once a week, its a different story. that would kinda make it a part of my life, no matter how serious i take it.
          so then itd be something to think about and consider ways to act in the situation

          or to explain with an example that has no connection to any social issues
          itd be like buying lunch at a store that only takes cash, and paying some odd amount that breaks a $20 and leaves you with a pocket full of coins.
          if you only eat there every few months, getting a bunch of coins is a minor inconvenience that you wouldnt think about.
          but if you love the food and go once a week, you might think of bringing some change, even asking coworkers for a spare 10c, so that you can pay the exact amount.

          that doesnt mean you are taking life too seriously and crying over some coins, just that the coins became a part of your life so you started to prepare for it a bit more

          • -1

            @crentist:

            you made this bit up

            Did you see the ? indicating that was my guess

            She could be trying to show him up? I sense that she would also like to keep her reasoning to herself.

            If you do something that isn't common, expect others to comment/ask questions about it.

    • +2

      Most sensible comment in this entire thread.

  • +1

    "is that your dad's car?'
    "nah, I just jacked it and I'm on my way to torch it!"

  • +1

    Low key attention seeking OP (Online and IRL).

    • +1

      You know them IRL?

      Do you know me?

      I know your mum, and she says you're a goose.

  • +3

    Even worse is when women question my burberry clutch. I tell them it's for my 3DS.

  • Just say "its my grandmas"

  • +7

    You ask people here for opinion and don't even share what car it is. Is it some sort of top secret?

  • +3

    Tell them Hector is gonna be running 3 Honda Civics with Spoon engines, and on top of that he just came into Harry's and he ordered 3 T66 turbos with NOS, and a Motec system exhaust.

  • Her car attracts unwelcome attention from undesirables. It's clear only a certain type of male fulfilling a set criteria is allowed to engage in roadside banter with the poster, something the likes of a truck driver would be unlikely to meet.

    Scrub she don't want no scrubs.

    • +2

      Was it a truck driver? Or the truck drivers best friend, hanging out the passengers side?

  • Yeah reminds me of another problem when I saw a poor kid not knowing where to get next meal from.

    How is that the same?

    Well you see it ain't. That's a real problem. Your problem is someone high school rich girl insecure bs.

    ps sometimes it is better to be spoken to than to be ignored completely. (that's why i try to smile or say hello to the pensioner walking past me- you may make their day)

    • +2

      Did you actually intend to make these irrelevant points or is your post just rambling while you are recovering from a severe fever or something?

    • +3

      Builds straw man. Tears straw man down.

      You're just making hay bro…

    • Cringe

  • +2

    Hey, it's a largely male website. You're not going to get the kind of answer you can use. Best look elsewhere. Enjoy your new car, I'm sure people around you are jealous.

  • +1

    I'll take "Things That Never Happened" for $800 thanks Alex

  • +3

    Congrats op on getting the car of your dreams.

    There are certain things that I agree with u and MissG on, but there are things that I disgaree with. I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

    Personally, I don't think a witty comeback works in every scenario, so even if u have gems of responses, you may not get the response u want even after u dish out ur witty response.

    Reading through the various responses (some of which are not quite appropriate), I can understand your disappointment that this has turned into something else, but that's always a possibility with open ended questions in an open internet forum.

    Personally, I have come across these situations in the past and sometimes a better response is to just let it go. Assuming that you would only meet that person once in ur life, there is probably not much of a point to serve them with a witty response.

    I sometimes say to myself "they might be mentally retarded or crazy so why bother". In addition, there are other less "witty" response, but more "passive aggressive" that i have found really annoys ppl who like stupid comments.

    Regardless, pls enjoy ur dream car. I am sure that you will get much more enjoyment driving the car compared to reading ozb posts or dishing out any witty responses.
    :)

    • Assuming that you would only meet that person once in ur life

      Yes I agree this is most likely, and on the off-chance one of these ‘strangers’ sees you again the chances of them interacting with you are probably very-slim.
      The whole experience should be seen as a ‘response’ from the public, rather than diving into individual ‘motive’ & trying to reason with it, and on an even deeper level analyse ‘socially acceptable behaviour’.

      When presented with such a situation it would be easier / more natural to just prioritise getting on with the day. Many things that need to be accomplished / done, that need to be remembered, and such an experience would be considered brief and trivial compared to everything else & is likely to occur in other forms multiple times a day.

  • I wonder what car it is. I see Mustang GTs as being very masculine.

    • Some people see them as compensation for something

  • The best come back is that you have Mustang and the losers dont!

    Next time step on the accelerator and let the losers eat dust.

    • Next time step on the accelerator and let the losers eat dust

      Are they even worth the fuel consumption?
      We are on Ozbargain after all..

  • +2

    Anon on the Internet:
    Witty response usually equals another witty response as we try to outdo each other.

    Real life:
    Witty response can equal road rage and at the next set of stop lights some idiot might get out of a car and escalate to a violent situation.

    You have a nice car, some might be jealous and react poorly. Sometimes it is better to smile and wave, pretend you cannot hear them and go about your business with the knowledge that you are being the better person.

  • +2

    I was called a Homosexual many years ago, though using a 4 letter word, for the vehicle I was driving, car was also egged a few weeks later.

    BMW E46 M3, 21 year old male.

    These are low quality people performing acts like this, not worth your time or effort, no response needed, you cannot put them in their place, there is nothing you can say that will leave many of them feeling burned, they are immune from wit and insults, they might have taken the time to harass you, but when that is over they are done with you, the interaction won’t get another thought.

    These are just assholes who will poke anyone they can, you can bet they have things to say to tall people, short people, bald people, automatic gearbox male drivers (has happened to me) and anyone else who is not melding the form of whatever normal is and means to them.

    • -1

      Yea…that's now where near the same thing lol

      • +1

        Not claiming I have been harassed badly or in any volume to cause me concern, but I imagine the people that have felt the need to comment on me or my sexuality because of my vehicles were of a similar mind to those in question here.

        My story was only a small part of my response, to precursor my opinion, not a story meant to take away from the OP and their situation, should every response in this thread be invalidated if criteria aren’t met?

        That I have been in a position at least similar, that my opinion they (the asshat) aren’t worth it comes from at least some real experience, no matter how minor it was in comparison was my point.

        • -1

          should every response in this thread be invalidated if criteria aren’t met?

          Invalidated?

          I think what you said happened to you is irrelevant to the OP.

          Being called name or having your property damaged isn't the same as being asked a question…

          • +1

            @ozhunter: In my case It wasn't just a name, it was attempting to use a supposed sexual orientation as an attack.

            In the OPs case it's not just a question, it is a wrapped up statement camouflaging the subtle attack on her, if they like the car enough to comment, why not just say nice car? It's hard not the decode the question as a statement that implies that car is too good for you, or masculine, expensive, powerful, whatever, it's not nice.

            That is my link.

            OP, Car + loudmouths = Unnecessary comments showing ignorance and Gender Stereotypes at play, based on ones possessions.

            ME, Car + loudmouths = Unnecessary comments showing ignorance about ones possible sexual orientation, based on their possessions.

            The property damage, ok, no link to the question or gender related idea, but just that cars are a large part of some peoples lives, and that they are oddly mentally crazed by things that do not compute in their little lives, things that do not confirm to their norm they attack, however passive aggressive it may be.

            Really not trying to make this about me.

            • @Croshema:

              It's hard not the decode the question as a statement that implies that car is too good for you, or masculine, expensive, powerful, whatever, it's not nice.

              If you really put your imagination to work, it could be anything.

              OP (and everyone else?)seems to be aware its because women don't typically drive that type of car.

    • You know how i know you're gay

      • +2

        I accidentally purchased the wrong gender fluid?

    • +1

      I've gotta say I have no clue how anybody would equate driving an E46 M3 with being gay..

      • +1

        The comment was from a lifted 4WD with mud tires, young guys, though around my own age at the time.

        I also thought it odd, but had to conclude that some men have views of what a man is and does that are so warped and strong that to them a young male in lowish sporty coupe was such a foreign idea to their perception of what a man is, that he cannot share the same sexual orientation as them.
        What idiot would have a two door European car, coupes are for.

        But that is kind of my point, these people can be triggered from quite insignificant things, pathetic really.

        Oddly enough years later my owning a 4WD with large mud tires caused a stranger (at a wedding!) to question what I was compensating for, they then went on to say it was probably an automatic as another put down, a complete backfire for them as a quick hands up to the surrounding people who owned 4WDs or 4WD work ute/trucks revealed it as the preference, this bloke thought owning an automatic was emasculating, what a joke.

        • Case in point is that some people are still dicks!

          Sounds like we should all try harder to not make ignorant assumptions about others. I am female that just doesn't like the colour pink and pink cars even less so. When I see a guy out driving a pink car my conditioning has led me to actually feel sorry for them, have assumed borrowing wifu's car, and admired their ballsiness in doing so. I have never given any thought to BMW drivers. I am not a dick and never voice negative opinions about others cars.

  • Given that I don't want to obnoxious and just tell them straight to f-off

    Reacting in this way, only lowers yourself, and makes you look bad/lower-class

    Maybe if getting sexist remarks that are intended in a rude and offensive way (sometimes ppl are just having a friendly joke/jist at you). But if they are actually being rude/mean, Well you could get those dangly 'balls' that hang off back tow bar area,
    Then when they say something rude, then find some funny line to go along with the balls hanging off the back of the truck.
    Maybe say, at least I have a pair 😂🤣 but that would be taking it pretty far, so only if they are really mean .
    Could also make some lines to go along with the dangly balls on back of car, have some lines ready for when people joke with you about car and they aren't being nasty, like say something back that isn't mean, but just a fun sort of jist back at them :)

    • +1

      Could also make some lines to go along with the dangly balls on back of car

      Seen Predator? I don't collect spines.

      • Thats a good 1.
        Only problem is, the persons shouting this crap at the lady, they are probably too dumb to get it
        They'd be like…. predator, spines, dangly balls???? Then 2 hours later, when they work it out, they will be so burned 😅

  • +2

    I strongly regret wasting 10 mins on this thread.

    • +1

      ….would be a great comeback…. :/

  • Just tell em your African world vision sponsor family bought it for you. Alternatively just use random sign language and move on, and I don’ t mean the bird.

  • +1

    Just go with "no, it's YOUR boyfriend's car".

  • +3

    What do you want a witty comeback for? To further interact with these people who you already dislike… it makes no sense.

    Also they will just have their own witty comeback to your witty comeback, I can guarantee it.

    • Worst case scenario, he gets offended and then he proceeds to show her what true "toxic masculinity" looks like and she'll learn first-hand that the difference between male and female strength is a little greater than Marvel movies might have you believe.

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